3 Ways to Ruin Your Marriage with Cindy Beall

my name is Cindy Beall and I was recently on a podcast with dr. Jenn riday and she asked me if I would do a short little video to talk to you more a little bit a little bit more about marriage and as you may remember from the podcast I have written a couple of books the first one is healing your marriage when Trust is broken and the second is rebuilding a marriage better than new and just a little quick recap my husband and I almost divorced about 15 years ago so it was in 2002 and due to his infidelity and pornography addiction and by the power of God and a lot of hard work on our part we have overcome that and found healing and restoration and truly having a marriage that is better than it was before even with the big ol adultery infidelity words stamped on our marriage resume so that is why I get the honor to talk to you a little bit about marriage and so a lot of times when people give you tips about marriage that kind of come from the positive angle like do this and do this and you'll have a happy marriage and so I'm gonna change it a little bit and not trying to be negative but I hope these give you just change your mind just a little bit so you can kind of say wow am I am I doing this so we're gonna come from a little bit of the negative angle so the first tip I'm going to give you three little thoughts here the first tip is to if you want to ruin your marriage the first thing is to text with men who are not your husband and get attached to them emotionally now I am NOT saying texting with men will get you to ruin your marriage I have relationships with men who work for my husband or who I do things with for for speaking engagements or for writing and so it's just you know I I have to text sometimes that's not what I'm talking about I'm talking about communicating with a man who is not your husband and you begin to feel for that person and maybe that person is sharing with you the woes of their marriage let me tell you something if another man or if you are sharing marriage struggles with the there I can almost guarantee you that it will end with the two of you having an affair almost guarantee you now it doesn't mean you can't reach out to someone but man just be very careful because this is a surefire way to introduce some very unhealthy things in your marriage okay point number two is to have hot the highest expectations of your husband expect perfection from him never let him make mistakes and always be mad when he does right one of my dearest friends says that the key to happiness is expectation management and I think that she's on to something quite frankly I think a lot of people have such high expectations of others that they let themselves off the hook but maybe not others in fact my pastor says we judge other people by their actions but we judge ourselves by our intentions and so I would like to say that when your husband lets you down because it will because he's a man he's human you will let your husband down you're a woman you're human when that happens why don't you try giving each other the benefit of the doubt one of the things that I've done in my own marriage is I know my husband loves me I know he doesn't want to hurt me he knows he's hurt me a lot in the past and he doesn't want to hurt me and so when he does something hurtful actually what I do is I think you know what I'm sure he didn't mean that and sure enough I'll go and ask him later I'll say hey when you said this when you did this it kind of kind of hurt my feelings to you probably you didn't mean to right you weren't aware of it he always I mean whoever said the time says yeah I had no idea I'm so sorry and so it's just communicating so if you want to ruin your marriage expect perfection from your husband and never let him fail okay the third point is think of only getting your needs met I know I know we have needs we want to feel important we want to feel loved by our husbands but if we're only thinking of ourselves the marriage then we are surely going to bring a distance between us and our husbands okay so one of the things that I try to do daily is I try to think of one thing I can do for my husband to meet his needs to make him feel like he's important every day just one thing now we've been married over two decades and so there's times where I'm doing way more things than one thing but my goal is that every day I think of him what can I do to do something nice for him what can I do to make his life easier what can I do to bless him in some way and and here's what's fun ladies is it gets really fun like I look for ways to bless him and what's fun now is he has done the same for me I always tell people when they ask me what is the best piece of advice you can give me on marriage and I always tell them think of your husband more than you think of yourself and if it's a husband asking me I say think of your wife more than you think of yourself think of what our marriages would be like if we thought of the other person of our spouse more than we thought of ourselves wouldn't it be amazing what if we chose instead of getting mad when they do something that makes us mad or they don't meet our needs or they they're tired or whatever what if instead we chose to to use empathy and say you know what maybe they've had a hard day and we try to put ourselves in their shoes so my three points today how to ruin your marriage text with someone text with another man and become emotionally engaged with him and have high expectations of your husband never letting him have the ability to fail and think only of getting your needs met now again I know I came from the negative but I just want you to be aware like think of those things are you doing it are you doing any of those things and if you are stop today make a change today you would be more than surprised you would be shocked and how much a marriage can change if you would just consider those things I hope you've been blessed by this and I just appreciate you listening and you guys have a great day

Channel: Jen Riday

Views: 4,522

Rating: 4.9574466 out of 5

Keywords: vibrant happy women, jen riday, inspiration, emotions, emotional detox, love, depression, anxiety, life coach, jennifer riday, CINDY BEALL, 3 ways to ruin your marriage, how to save your marriage, cindybeall.com

Id: vv6bYhe1_DQ

Length: 6min 40sec (400 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 25 2017