How a Christian Marriage Survived Wife's infidelity. My interview with Shannon Geurin

okay all right hi guys so we are here with Shannon Aaron and we're so excited to share a little bit about her and her journey yeah I think you guys will all really like it so Shannon hello hey I'm so glad to be here we're happy to have you so honored has been a long time coming I know we want to just talk a little bit about what you tell us a little bit about yourself and how everybody can find you first of all and okay well my name is Shannon and I am married to an amazing man named John we've been married for 27 years 28 years I'm so bad about it's either 27 or I think I have two we have two girls um my oldest is Alex and she's 21 and my youngest is Avery and she's 18 some brand new empty-nester which I'm enjoying that phase of life it's kind of bittersweet but I'm enjoying it and like I said John and I have been married for 28 years and in those 28 years we've suffered severe heartbreak it's been a journey it's a journey that has been heartbreaking and um even though it's been a heartbreaking journey I look back and I'm so thankful for our journey and where God's brought us because today we are whole and um yes we still have issues just like every relationship but we are whole and we are happy and we truly truly adore each other but it hasn't always been like that because about ten years ago I was unfaithful to John and I was ready to leave I was ready to leave I my my I had found my soul mate and this is a man and he was who I supposed to be with and I was ready to leave and and through a series of crazy circumstances and I didn't leave I was going to but I didn't and my husband didn't kick me out he followed me and it took you know four or five years of just really hard restoration but God restored our marriage and he restored me and he restored John and and so now I I never thought that I would you know share my story or write a book or have a ministry like that I never ever envisioned in my life like this but now I do I have a ministry and I'm writing a book and I'm a co-host for a podcast and I'm getting ready to start my own podcast and um I wouldn't be here today if not for my journey I'm passionate about you know helping women rise up through their struggles and be who God was be who God has created them to be and so that's what I'm passionate about I'm just passionate about helping women get unstuck whether it be they're struggling with would past shame from past mistakes like an affair or whatever mistake they've made that's causing them to walk in shame or from something that's happened to them or whatever reason cause is causing them just to be stuck in kind of wanting to just give up I'm super passionate about helping her get up basically that's awesome message and it's something that we really need to hear yeah any of us do get stuck and ever it is you know I mean you and I share the same similar story and I'm like you like I never thought this would be a ministry this is not what I really planned Lord you know yeah he can use even the ugliest things to make you know and I think that's what's awesome about your ministry as well take us back a little because a lot of my readers are you know they understand they relate to our story so they but they also feel very alone and isolated like nobody really talks about this all that much and so what was it that got you to the point that even had you crossed that line into into infidelity you know um we had just moved we we I'm from Oklahoma and I have been from Oklahoma my whole life before he moved my husband got a promotion we had two girls they were let's see three and five at the time when we moved and we were so excited about the move it was a new adventure for us we were just excited as a family John and I were okay I mean we we we had been married for 13 years 12 to 13 years at that time and we were okay we we never we didn't have really any you know marital issues we may have just been coasting you know and um but we were fine and I never thought I would have an affair ever like I was the woman in in my Christian circles that said I would never do that to my husband I'll never do that and when we moved it was harder on me than I had planned we moved into a house that was needed work it needed renovations and so I kind of became the Theia what's what's it called the the project manager I guess yeah that's very stressful on me we had to find new dentists and new doctors and all of that stuff that goes along with moving was just really hard on me and John he had received a promotion so he he was focused on you know he was proved trying to prove himself like he they were watching him and so he was stressed out and you know there was a tiny tiny little crack in our in the door of our marriage tiny crack and that's all it takes for satan to get in and he got in and this other man kind of started flirting with me and it made me feel good I mean it helped me to escape reality and we started an emotional affair and that quickly led it to physical and that's how it started just from a tiny tiny crack in the door of our marriage I appreciate you saying that because I think that's the misconception everybody thinks oh you have to be this certain type of terrible person and to do this and I have found that's not always true you know the time it's not any of us can fall it doesn't it I crack in the door like you said just a very small insignificant we Coast or whatever so I really appreciate that because I think a lot of people identify so what how long did that go on before did you confess did he find out you know how long did all that happen oh gosh let me remember um it probably went on for it went on for like four months four to five months and I was ready to leave I was I was ready to pack my bags and and leave and I remember the day that I told John we had we were on family vacation and I I was just I don't want to be here why am I here like I want to be with this other man and and John had been he kind of had detected that something was going on and so he asked me while we were on vacation at a water park I don't know why he asked me there but he did and the girls were playing in the in the wave pool we were sitting in a picnic table right by them and he asked me a knife I said yes he said are you having an affair and I said yes and he said are you leaving and I said yep and I was very cold I knew I wanted and um and so we talked for maybe one minute further and and I got up and I left I left my babies I didn't say goodbye to them I left and I went to I got a taxi to the airport and I flew home because we were we had lived in Dallas and we were on vacation in San Antonio so we had driven there and um I flew home and I had every intention of packing my bags and going to meet this other man and so I when I got home I texted him and said I'm I'm home and I'm gonna come to you right now and he said wait because he had a family too he said it's not a good time and I'm so thankful that he told me to wait because I truly believe that had I gone to meet him I just don't think I would be here today I just don't think if I had lived out what my intentions were I first of all I don't think John he would have divorced me right there I just think he would have and then I don't think I'd be alive today um but he told me to wait and so I waited I stayed at home and then John during all of that while I was flying home he had called his parents and told his parents what was going on he asked them they were in Oklahoma so he asked him to come to Dallas meet him he drove back to Dallas he asked them to meet him there and take the girls and then he drove home and we had when he got there we had like because he was still technically on vacation and John's mom had the girls and we had three or four days just to really hash things out and talk about things and I just really feel like that was a guy it was this God ordained it was a god thing for us and and so yeah so that's how I told him he I mean I think he he um he felt like something was going on he he'd been but when he came out and asked me and I just told him I didn't try to hide it yeah at that point you were so far gone right and into it with your mind oh yeah I was I was past trying to keep it I did I just want it I wanted to be out mm-hmm that was where I was well that's where my twisted brain was is I just thought I was supposed to be with this other man and I was ready to be out at my current marriage right so and a lot of us in this whole infidelity world that I never thought I would be and learning so much but yes we call that a fair fog and I didn't know what a fair father was at the tide affair for I was in a fog I mean yes did twist it and now I realize it's really deception it's so the enemy that's putting this deception I mean they could call it a fair fog and I do too but it's really deception from the evil one exactly hell our marriage steal our families break us apart he hates marriage right and so that is kind of where I think many many women are at like just stuck there so with me and I wonder if you relate to this a lot of when we went to counseling people would say well just end it so I'm wondering was it hard for you like did you have a lot of back-and-forth but this other person or once you have that hashing out with your husband those three days was it just like you're sailing from then or was it difficult to break free it was very difficult and even though I I hadn't made the decision that I was gonna stay with my husband I knew that it was the right thing to do mm-hmm but I went through a mourning like I was in mourning of this other guy and I remember during those three days I remember that John he asked me he said do you do you love this man and I said yes I do excuse me and I remember him I told him I said I just feel like it's God's will for me to be with this other man he was a Christian too a Southern Man was a Christian too we both felt like it was God's will for us to be together and I told on that and he was like Shannon I mean he this man who I betrayed was trying to expensing to me he said Shannon do you do you really think that God would honor that do you really think that it's God's will for you to leave me and Alex and Avery and be with him and even though I knew that deep down when he said that to me it was like a light bulb that went off and I said well no I don't think that's got would be God's will I mean it was I was it was such a very confusing time for me and I realize in that moment I felt like I I was scared there was a lot of fear I had about leaving like and so I kind of at that point May the decision that I was gonna stay but yet I was still in mourning over this other guy and we did we did email back and forth still but not too long after like maybe a week or two I cut it off cold turkey and I and I'd never I deleted all of my thigh all of my you know you get all these secret like emails and yeah you know I deleted all of that I got that all away and I and I had to really be countable I mean it does if you can relate to this like John was watching me and at that point I didn't want to leave I didn't want to get a divorce from him I was afraid of that and so I got rid of all of it and we just kind of cut it off cold turkey mm-hmm that's the best way of doing it although it's hard and you have hearts waiting yeah it is but it's the only way because a lot of back and forth that a lot of women go through and yeah longer you delay that pain of mourning withdrawal whatever the harder it's going to be and I wasn't as smart as you like delayed it for over a year back and forth thinking oh I can I can get a handle on this so I'm at that at least it didn't drag on for that long yeah the longer you delay the harder your healing is I agree so when you came out of that did you face shame at that point or what you guys just trying to recover restore tell us that process after you definitely cut it off that was probably the hardest part for me I I felt so much shame and I carried that shame with me for several years um you know the easiest the hardest decision we made and that anybody will make in their marriage after infidelity is deciding that they're gonna stay together inside for their marriage that was the hardest decision we made because it was hard it's hard restoration is hard and it's not for the weak you know as the victim as the betrayed spouse you guys you will relate and those watching if they've gone through this relate they have questions they want to know when they want to know how they want to know where and they need the answers to those questions but yet me I wanted to I just wanted to get it I wanted to forget about it I was it made me feel shame when he would ask me so now when did this happen and like these answers and I'm like I don't even want to talk about this because it brings the shame back yeah they get they knows they need those answers so it was it's like it was like a roller coaster and um I couldn't get I couldn't get away from the shame and I you know I remember I remember sitting by my pool one day probably a couple months after just wanting it to end I wanted everything that I had done to my family and my husband and myself I just wanted it to end and I I remember thinking of all the ways I could end my life know how how could I do this and how could it be the least painful and I just remember being in such a miserable shameful State and I remember going to restaurants me and John would go to restaurants and I wouldn't know a soul but yet we would walk in and I felt like every head just turned and looked at me and they were pointing and laughing and mocking me because I was this woman that was the adulterous woman and how could you do to see your family and how could you do this to your husband and the shame would just come crashing back down on me and um I had to just learn that you know we have to focus on Jesus and that will take away the shame and I had to focus on him I had to focus on the fact that he redeemed me and he forgave me and John has forgiven me and I don't have to walk in that shame you know it's a long time for me to get their face that do you ever still sometimes feel that wanting to come back and then you have to redo that same thinking like lord I know you've forgiven me I know but Jesus did for me instead of my actions yeah I do sometimes sometimes that shame tries to creep back in and yeah but but now I know how to blot it out I know the truth I Know Who I am in Christ I know that I'm the daughter of the king and I also want to say that um when the affair started I feel like that identity is such a huge thing for women and we it's so easy for us to get wrapped up in who we are as a wife and who we are as a mom when and why didn't he come becomes being a wife and mom it who we are in Christ and that is such a um it's a danger to be in that place because we have to know who we are in Christ we have to know that in order to defeat the enemy you know and and so so today I know and it took me several years it's been about 10 years since the affair we've been in restoration since 5 to 6 years now and even after we were restored even after our marriage was restored it took me a long time to to not walk in shame I felt like it was my lot in life I felt like that I deserved to be to live in shame and I should hide and I think that that that we have to be very careful as Christians because I think other Christians make us feel that way sometimes that we have to n of them we don't deserve to have a full life because of our mistakes and so I learned the hard way I had to learn it was a process for me and it was a journey it did not happen overnight and it did not happen in a year I mean it was a very long process me I think it's important to take each step slowly instead of trying to rush like I think it's I think it's just important to really let that process develop in us I agree I agree and a lot of people might ask well so it took you guys a few years they're gonna freak out about that so and but I like what you said it is a process and we do want to rush it because it's it hurts so bad but it's definitely a step by step and so I appreciate that you said that did you feel like did it come out in the church and with Fran did you lose friends did you have some that stayed with you what was that all about yes yes and yes okay I really yeah all of the above people shunned me people judged me and you know rough people people people people people hey we walk through that so now oh and I think if I didn't walk through that and you might agree I might not be doing what I'm doing right now you know knowing how much Jesus loves me in spite of my actions because I was a good girl perfectionist I hung my hat on my good works I didn't realize I was doing it even as a Christian I was know it as a Christian girl you know and I thought well that's just what I'm supposed to be as a Christian as a good girl oh great but when you're relying on your own works to get there and I never really realized it and I love what you said about the identity we do as moms and wives we become so wrapped up and all that we're doing for everybody we kind of lose ourselves we lose our walk with Jesus or to the side our marriage is so I really appreciate that yeah oh um right now so you guys are pretty well restored I mean it's been a while now you probably never thought you'd be doing what you're doing and whatever did that all happened how did you begin to write about this what was that process like well let me back up I want it I want to tell you tell you guys about this friend had we had a we had this couple who were friends we were they were friends of ours before the affair even so we was very close to them I was a very her and I were very close and after the affair they they stood by us and and she but she was the kind of friend that was a little bit high-maintenance and we talked all the time and we texted all the time and it was just very close and after the affair when John and I were working on her marriage it's super important it was super important that I all of my focus needed to be on him in our relationship and my friend would call me and text me and she was just kind of draining like she was very helpful and I finally had to say Julie I need space I have got to work on my marriage I have got to focus on John you know she would text me and we would be going somewhere and John you know he was very sensitive about me getting texts yes he was very sentence but she he'd be like who's that and I'm like oh just Julie and I had to say it's Julie every time and I'm like I finally had to be like Julie I can't do this right now and she didn't understand that and so she kind of we're not really friends today remember friends on social media but we don't talk I think she was a very hurt and I tried to explain it to her but she just didn't get it and so I had to choose my hat my relationship with my husband over her and I think it's super important that um that the ladies know that sometimes you might lose friends and that you thought would be your friends forever you have to choose your husband over over any relationship so um so it was the question about work about that right now what you know well I don't know all my list is out the door so do I it's like no no no it's me you're great I love hearing from you but I think it's a great and really important point because if we keep trying to do things the way we've always done them or the affair well that didn't really work right so it we need to change a lot of things and there's nothing like infidelity to separate the good friends the true friends from the ones that really weren't exactly that's really hard so not only are many and I relate to this you might too many women are going through trying to heal and restore but then now that it's been discovered out in public or Church or friendships there's a lot to deal with that one so I think it's good that they hear that from you and that yeah we have to keep choosing me God first or marriage and it's gonna not always be easy or pretty but it's what we got to do so yeah but my question about where you guys are at now and is it difficult to share your message so public being and how does John feel about that you know talking about it so much um well when God told me that I would share our story I laughed and I was like because this is something that we tend to want to keep private we don't want people to know what we've done and and I told John about about that and he he just wasn't really on board with it and but I knew what God had told me and you know he told me that like right right after like I don't know he told me that about 6 years ago actually but John really wasn't on board with it and like if you're gonna share your story he needs to be on board my kids hit 42 and and and it was a whole nother thing with my girls like oh my like I didn't know I just shouldn't know how it would all work out and but God worked everything out and a couple years later and my pastor's wife which she knew our story at the time and she knew how I wanted to share it she asked me if I would consider sharing it at the Women's Conference and so I talked to John about it and he he felt good about it he said you know I think we're ready I think you're ready and and so and so I shared it for the first time at our Women's Conference and and then acted shortly after that I wrote about it on my blog and you know it's it's when I wrote it down and when I shared it's just like every time I share my story with somebody it's like God gives me even deeper healing my thing with him now ten years later I get a deeper healing and it's it's just really miraculous how he had every detail in place he worked everything out you know is it still hard for me to share sometimes yes sometimes I sob sometimes I don't it's really interesting how each time is different and John like he is so supportive and he's you know he's an executive for a company and he's super busy and like he's out of town right now but he's not really it's it's my ministry like he's not really like a lot of times it's a husband-and-wife team like this industry but he is so busy with work but it's that he is so supportive of me and he prays for me and he cheers me on and I'm so thankful for that and my two girls like I was not going to share my story publicly without talking to them I won't even ask you about your kids yes yeah so they know my daughter Alex was 16 years at the time that I shared and Avery was 14 and I'm right now Alex was yeah that's right and so I took out and we would we laid a blanket down in a park and I I just started this is a great story and so but I started out by saying this I said Alex honey I need to tell you something I needed I need to share something with you about what I about my past and about what a mistake that I've made and she immediately says mom I already know she says mom I already know and she puts she puts her face in her hands and she starts sobbing and I'm like oh my gosh like I'm automatically I'm like oh my gosh I've made a mistake I shouldn't have said anything I'm freaking out and I immediately began to I was like babe I am so sorry and I love your daddy so much and you know our merit we're whole whole and we're happy and I just started talking about all of those things and I said honey please forgive me and she looked up and she said mom I forgave you a long time ago and she said she said I didn't know if you were ever gonna talk to me I didn't know if we're ever gonna tell me what happened and I said honey and I just began to say honey you know it's not something that you you know share with your kids and babe the only reason why I'm sharing with you now is because I feel like God's leading me to share her story and and I was like I mean we just had it was the most beautiful um its proud even aside even aside from from John and from John and I and our conversations that we've had had in that conversation with Alex is probably one of the most beautiful conversations I've ever had in my life and it was just a moment of um she she carried that with her she carried that with her for years I said maybe you ever talked to anybody about it and she said no I just kept it in and and you know we reap what we sow and Alex um was a very guarded child and she she wouldn't really open up to people and she had like she had a lot to heal from because of my mistake she reaped what I sowed and yet it's such a beautiful picture of forgiveness and restoration and um you know I don't I've always wondered how she know how she found out and the only way me and this other men were never in her house that she never saw us we were always away so the only way I know that I can figure out and I never asked her this I'm me I might ask her one of these days but the only way that that she could have known what was happening is it is that she overheard me and John talk because Lee when you go through this you have to talk and talk and so I just think she overheard conversations and so she just carried she just kept that inside but it's such a just such a beautiful picture of forgiveness and you know when I took Avery out to tell her she had no clue you know she cried and she was this man still in our lives and I said no he's not and we talked for a couple minutes later and then she was like okay well what's for dinner it's funny no different your kids are but um you know every God just he just had every he kept our family and he had everything just everything that was just ordained and he was just there through the process and I'm so grateful that's so great I think that's the best thing to hear about her because why what a burden what a heavy load for Adam yeah they know more than they let on a lot of times maybe they're not they're no dummies no and we're oh we're hiding at him they usually know something at least they know something's wrong now we had to sit down with our boys and we told them because we thought we were gonna get I mean we were that might her husband held on for over a year well I was deceived but you know he he just got to the point where I don't know if we can make this and so we had to sit down and tell them and that's when I confessed but then after we got better it was like I want to talk about this anymore I was like yeah like can we just move on and yeah there was many many years I started my blog three years ago and I just felt like I wanted to reach out to women you know when I made my story and then I wrote for a little bit and I said lord I can't I can't do this the shame and talking about it was just too much and and I have to give a shout out to you because it was last year September I'm on a plane flying to see we're seeing our son in Florida with his family and I just happen to download your ebook from somewhere I don't know and I'm reading it on the plane and I was like I've never heard another woman say this like you were the only one that I've ever heard her a same story as me and so I emailed you you remember and I thank you so much it just gave me hope and ability to okay somebody else like is talking about know and you just encouraged me to it's okay you know when you when you share your story Satan hates it and he doesn't want us to share our stories because there's freedom right there's the restoration that God wants to do for women individually our souls are marriages or kids and if we keep that to ourselves you know there's a time obviously and there's a place I couldn't have done it probably any any years earlier we're 12 and a half years out so I couldn't have done it probably any earlier than this and and that's okay you know where we're at with that but so your story's been a blessing to me and an encouragement to me too and I look at him and act of all these other women and we have we share similar like rise up I feel that same way like there's so many circumstances that we've had to overcome in our marriage and stuff besides just that and and yet I also have felt like women need to know more like about how to end their affair and yeah heal their marriage donated I love that you know it's like we're both kind of in the same but different and I do not love how the Lord does yeah anyway so is there anything you'd want to share in closing any words of wisdom or I don't wanna put you on the spot but you know I just you need to know ladies for all of you watching that you are not defined by the affair you are not defined by the mistake and I have to and you may feel this this this same way Debbie but I since it's something that I talk about all the time in my ministry I have to be careful because sometimes I feel like that I'm defined in ministry by the fact that I had this affair and that's the only reason why I get to minister to others because I walked through that and I someone said to me a couple months ago Shannon you're not defined by that even in your ministry you're not defined by that and even though I knew that it was just like a two-by-four hit me across the head that's right I am not defined you are not defined by the mistake you're defined by the fact that your daughter of the king and you have to know that like your identity is not found in your husband it's not found in your being a wife it's not found in your kids your identity is the fact that your daughter of the King and you're loved and you are valuable and you are precious in His sight and it's one thing to know that it's another thing to believe it and live it out live your lives knowing and believing that you are daughter of the king and no matter what Satan does no matter what he try because he will try he won't stop if you think it's over you're wrong he is out there prowling he hates your marriage he hates you he hates your family he wants to break it up and you have got to know who you know and believe who you are in Christ and so like if there was if there's anything that I could say it's that believe that you are daughter of the king and that you are his and that he loves you more than anything no matter what you've done no matter what you do in the future you'll always be his yes I love that love that and that's why it's my favorite one of my favorite stories is that woman caught in adultery never used to be my favorite story but I love how he dealt with her Gino oh he was just so in shame her and you know I love that hate it I just it just always just speaks so much to me and I think it's the way he would share with everybody like go and sin no more but I like him it was love and it's a difference and he loves us too much to keep us where we are you know and and he has so much in store for everybody and I just thank you so much for sharing your story I think it gives hope that there are other couples out there sometimes it's hard to understand will we really get through this I think I hear that a lot like we'll be really is it really possible and I think it is I really do and I think all right shows it there are people out there whose marriages have been restored I love Harry said it's not for the weak though that's for sure right exactly exactly and it takes a strong husband to to be able to push through my husband used to think maybe he was weak because he stayed no that was something the enemy was speaking to yes yes so does the same thing it's so not it's so that's just the opposite opposite right I agree okay Shimon well thank you so much and then tell them again what your website is and where they can find you you can find me at Shannon garand calm and that's geu Rin don't get the e nu mix-up yes funding on instagram Shannon Guerin and Instagram and then on Facebook Shannon Guerin and then it's fiercely his that's Shannon Guerin fiercely his and that's on Facebook yeah I would love to connect with you guys well definitely have a link from my blog to yours and I just really appreciate you taking the time finally we got together yes I love this time thanks Shannon okay thank you bye

Channel: AfterMyAffair

Views: 6,019

Rating: 4.3628321 out of 5

Keywords: help for unfaithful wife, testimony of unfaithful wife, unfaithful spouse recovery, inspirational marriages restored after affair, affair stories, save a marriage after affair, Christian marriage problems, marriage restored after infidelity, overcoming shame after affair, unfaithful women, stories of marriages survive affair, dealing with infidelity in christian marriage, marriages restored by God after adultery, how christian marriage can survive infidelity

Id: MCESypVgkB4

Length: 38min 38sec (2318 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 14 2019