He didn’t want a relationship | Talks with Tony

hey hey tony guys here popping in another episode of talks with tony now as you know i'm just going through the letters um never know what a letter is going to present and we try to pull some type of lesson from each letter because each letter is unique in its own way because it's from a different person and every person is unique in every person situation is unique so we're going to jump right into this one i skim this one it wasn't too clear to me but i'm hoping you know it'll become more clear as i read it thoroughly hello tony can you talk about bonding versus soul ties i was in a situation with a special forces man i read how men drawn into that path will form strong bonds with comrades given the matter of combat and what comes with that the man was emotionally absent he clearly stated he wasn't for normal relationships i couldn't understand this i wouldn't accept it so i embarked upon my little savior campaign i thought i could form such a strong bond with this man meaning i will be loved by him come what may i was loyal disciplined gave him husband benefits was civil of course i lost the gamble i invested nearly all of me in the situation even enacting something a gay friend of mine told me would make the man become wrapped around my finger i was saved when i stumbled onto your page not too long ago my eyes are now open but not in a deer in headlights kind of way thank you tony if you can dissect this lesson i will be grateful for your insight from a man's perspective what else should i have learned from this [Music] no no no [Music] what listen what y'all got to do better y'all got to do better listen it ain't nothing not no gay man could tell you to do for your heterosexual man that's gonna wrap him around the finger what that man do for his men a hair recess man not gonna like that anyways [Music] come on that's a lesson number one stop taking your business to a amen because when you put your business in the hands of a man now he picturing your man he's uh uh yeah do you have a picture of his package i'm gonna tell you how to work that thing he's trying to get him a little thunder i'm a little fodder to be playing around with come on listen the man the man will deceive you now man dm yo send a message to your special force all right i want to know come on now you got to be listen don't ever talk to nobody about your bedroom your bedroom or your relationship that ain't no profession now you hit me not your home girl not your homeboy but in the middle or none of the likes you keep your business in-house you go talk to a profession now who is confidential don't know who your person is and all of that you can't trust nobody with the information about the person you dealing with okay that ain't no profession now listen to me now that's a mistake people make now when you say can you talk about bonding versus soul ties what you have to realize is that is what you call semantics when you kind of get into the to the word play word games a soul tie essentially is a bond that's all the soul tie is a soul tie is just a a name that was made up the soul tie the word soul tie is not in the bible you know it's just something that somebody along the way just made up because their soul felt tied to another person's soul which essentially is a bond it's an emotional bond now here's what you have to realize some men well i'll tell you this most men are not for normal relationships that's most men but some men take and bite the bullet and make that mature sacrifice and become normal relationship material but if you left it up to a man if there were no biblical laws against having multiple wives if there were no legal statues in certain countries against having multiple wives then every man would have multiple eyes it wouldn't be a man that that if it was okay in the sight of god and in the sight of the world that he just gonna say you know what i'ma just deal with one woman yeah yes i can have five oh no give me four different types of five different types of sexual experiences in the bed and yeah different personalities just having one for monday one for two the one for wednesday thursday friday i had the weekends to myself boys weekend go fishing hunting racing cars that sounds terrible that sounds absolutely terrible sleeping with five different women oh no i want one woman it ain't a man in the world that'll say that it's not a man in the world but see the thing about with the holy bible is you die out to your flesh you talk to crucify your flesh see jesus crucify his flesh he allowed his flesh to be crucified and it became spiritual and it became a spiritual transition a spiritual transaction a spiritual relationship with the spirit of god to where he was physically crucified for the sins of man and so what you have to realize with a man that's why the bible say every man falls short of the glory of god but with a man we are consecrating our self we're becoming sacred and so to be sacred you choose a life of discipline responsibility integrity character self-love love for your neighbor as you love yourself and so if a man doesn't have that core that foundation that belief system then a normal relationship as you call it will not make sense to him because just the nature of a man loves variety loves spontaneity when it comes to women and everything else he may be a creature of habit but when it comes to women a man would not mind different shape booties different shape different types of that's why you see so many men sleeping around chasing a thrill chasing pleasure operating from a weakened state of mind operating from a grown boy mindset that utilizes women for his pleasure and to alleviate his pain and does not consider the ramifications or the repercussions of what it does to her of if she gets connected if she forms a strong bond like what you did with him most men don't consider the woman's heart in the situation so it's a man that is ready to grow and mature from a grown boy to a grown man and so what you have to realize is that the first thing you have to do the number one thing you need to understand is don't ever in your life set out to change a man if a man tells you as a grown musty adult grown stinking adult that he does not want marriage going about your business if a man tells you that he is not the type for a normal relationship going about your business if a man tells you he don't know he is a one-woman man or that he even like women go about your business but see what happened is captain save them kicked up in you and the nature of a woman is to nurture because the mind and the body of a woman is wired to reproduce to carry a child a human being give birth develop that human being in the body then give birth to that human being and then the body of a woman produces milk for the baby to take care of the child so in order for that to happen the brain has to be wired to care and to some people call themselves an empath and when you look at this and you dive a little deeper here what you start to see is that as a woman you want to help change people you want to help people grow and you also are seeking love for yourself and you're seeking affirmation validation and confirmation and so in doing so you want that from a man and you even stoop to the level of utilizing a man who likes men for masculine energy because he has a third leg swinging you will forget that he sees the world just like you see the world that he wants what you want you want you a man he want him a man so you really not getting an understanding of the type of man you want to be with because the type of man you want to be with and him see the world two totally different ways because of where their desires lie so but you will utilize this man for masculine energy to get some insight about men and then you getting bad advice so whatever you did to try to wrap them around your finger might be what helped run them off and and let's say he was going to be gone anyway we don't know because you say what you did right there and i'm hoping there wasn't nothing in that bedroom i'm hoping it would like cook them a meal and write a poem i'm hoping it was something you know romantic and not nothing in their bedroom now if it was in that bedroom yeah get your little baby powder but that's the number one thing that women do wrong it's not listening to what a man telling you listen when that man tell you when he says you know i'm not really ready for a relationship listen when he says to you i don't really know if i could be faithful to one woman listen okay when he says to you well i'm kind of in something kind of have someone but you know trying to figure that out listen but what women do is ignore what the man is saying and go forward and say no i'm going to win this man i'm going to change this man and he's going to change for me and that's when you get hurt because a man ain't going to change for nobody other than the god in him and himself that's all a man gonna change for a woman you could be there and you could try to influence it and try to you know support it and reinforce it but he has to desire that change otherwise change is not going to happen so understand this right here and you went all in you invested all of yourself trying to win him being that he's special forces you saw him as more than a man you saw him as an alpha male you saw him as that dude you saw him as protection and so you gave him even more credit that he deserved because of his job title because of his job title you say this is the definition of a man this is the epitome of a man and that's what made you become what what somewhat called very feminine and you shrunk in his presence and you worshipped him and you served him trying to win his affection because of his masculinity being so bravios and that ain't a word but i like the way it sounds so we're going to put that right there his masculinity being so bravios with the bravado and the machismo okay all kind of words today being there that you say oh that's a man oh my goodness man so so what are you doing special fortunes oh really so you went and just feeling so protected and you thought he was so sexy but what you didn't realize he crazy ain't nobody want to say that lord forgive me y'all people in the service forgive me now going to the service that's one thing you want your college paid for you want to serve your country going into special forces i took the ass valve or whatever it's called and um you know i was sleeping i was tired i took it but i did decent did the physical test push uh sit ups did all that the man came to me he said um the recruiter came to me he said you know you actually could be an airborne ranger ain't nobody's talking about to me i the close thing i thought i thought like power rangers so i'm like man they got kind of like power rangers in the army they said airborne rangers so i called my daddy i said yeah that is man i could be an airborne ranger he said it's a 250 000 signing bonus but it's paid over 10 years so i get an additional 25 000 a year over the next 10 years in addition to my army pay which may be like 33k saying he said but i got to do two years of training and the the range of school and only five percent of people graduate so five out of 100 people graduate and it takes two years to train i wouldn't think about and my dad said my dad said to me now he got real coercive now y'all forgive him for this man but he said tony if you go over there if you sign up enlist in that army i kill myself i was like whoa whoa daddy what's going on huh he said man listen george bush in office and he said man that man sent us the war he said so you enlist you finna be over there fighting in the war and he said son i don't think you're gonna make it back home and he said i'm gonna tell you one thing else you go over there your wife don't cheat on you i say what hold on are you speaking down on my marriage but he told me the real and sure enough i have coach military couple women that while they husband was over there serving they back home nah i didn't marry that type of woman but i know it's real nah my wife probably would have gone went on about a business but and when daddy had saw it happen so many times he saw it happen with my mama when he went to the army he married her before he went she got mad and she told me the story too she said i went on about my business you want to marry me because brother told him not to marry me before he go and then they see that happen to a lot of men so this how these men that's how they condition you can't have love because love gonna soften you you special forces so someone's gonna be told listen don't if you ain't married don't get married because love gonna soften you you ain't gonna be thinking straight you're gonna be ready to cry when the thing is flying them all flying you can find them ready to crack at you looking at your wife and kids and your in your wallet and so that way he said he wasn't for a normal relationship he's saying listen i need a deposit slip all right he said a little lotus flower you got need that thing to open and catch that's what he said he said i need you to deposit my stress into in between my missions in between my my training or whatever i need some nasty pictures all right have a little bit of fun with you and well thank you man because i'm not hearing these special forces because i'm special that's what he was telling you and so you got to look into that now and that's why and this what i want every woman watching this to understand look at a man career because what a man choose to do for a living says something about him okay and say something about him it says something about his trajectory in life it says something about his mindset so you got to ask yourself okay what do special forces do all right so you mean to tell me you finna sign up for this hill country that don't treat everybody equal tax the mess at you you'll never own anything because even if you buy a house you don't own it because you always got property taxes so if you go broke and your savings is gone and you can't pay property taxes guess what the house you didn't pay 250 000 dollars for you finna lose it to a tax deed tax foreclosure so you got to have enough money for property taxes your whole life and when you leave the house to your children they got to have the money for property taxes and when you don't have the money for property taxes we taking it back thank you you don't own nothing so you should have just rented because you never had an asset let me tell you that one that right now so you mean tell me for that institution you 52 sign up and you're going to go over here to people that you ain't never met you don't know all you know about these people is what you've been told by your media you don't know if they really doing what your media and what your sub uh superiors in in in that service is telling you about them they telling you that they plotting but you don't know if they telling you that they plotting to come blow some up because we over there taking natural resources so we don't know the whole story now now okay maybe they just plotting for no reason they just decided you know what we're gonna go in and just blow them up because a lot of them christian and we ain't christian so we finna just throw some up maybe they just doing that okay but even if that is the truth but so you've been taking upon yourself to go on in there and try to hop out the plane or get dropped off somewhere with your black on your face with the big gun and go on in there and try to try to get somebody brother you special brother you are special that's why they call it special forces because you got to be a special kind of person to be able to train your brain to be willing to do that so the same thing if i had a daughter she cannot be with no boxer and much as i love boxing you're not gonna be with no boxer cannot be with no mma no mma cannot be with many football players a lot i played football 14 years of my life can not be with no football player cause any man that's okay with getting bashed in the head he he he could be ver he could be a i ain't gonna say all i'm not well i just said in it he's a little different so you got to be careful you got to be careful not and i'm saying that even about myself because i was that man i played football 14 years of my life played football and when i tell you i was a handful when i tell you i was crazy i ain't lying to you that's how i know when i tell you i was getting ready to sign up to be an airborne ranger had not my daddy twist my arm like that i'd have been an airborne ranger you mean now i probably dropped out of that train and uh but long piece of that bonus check with a game chat i'd have been all right all right got to go up toward acl up honorable discharge oh gotta go that's how i used to fake injuries in football so i would have got on about it that night but i was getting ready to go you know i'm getting ready to go for the money because i was lost because i was confused thank god for my daddy he did what he had to do to convince me not to go and look what the lord did with my life look what the lord did with my life and so i say that to say to a woman one of the lessons is is what he does for a living matters it matters if if your man is a car salesman you got to be very careful i buy enough cars to know that there is a slimy industry though unless he owned a dealership and he get to dictate and determine how he's ran with honesty and integrity that's a slimy industry so that boy they'll steal from your grandma they will steal from your grandma and raise her interest rate by two points higher than what the bank said she qualified for because they could do it legally they'll raise it give me i bought a car one time my wife told me later that my interest rate was 24 percent i say what because i ain't know what an interest rate was and that's how the people did me ain't no credit in the world bad enough for no 24 percent i didn't have bad credit ain't no credit in the world bad enough for no 24 percent interest that my wife told me she told me later i said why didn't he tell me that she said i thought you knew you signed the agreement i thought you knew that you had an injury i just thought you want that little lexus that bad i said yeah i wanted it but if you would explain to me what interest rate meant i wouldn't did that and that was ignorance though and they hit me right across the head yeah they say sir uh do you sure you want this 24 percent interest that dummy jack in the box and so this is what you have to realize when you look at a man so what you did not know in which gay friend ain't let you let him give you this insight what do this man do for a living what the likelihood of this man being faithful to you what's the likelihood of y'all building a real bond when this man is wired now and trained to watch his comrade bleed out right next to him and he got to leave him there because they got to get back to the tank up to the plane he got to lead him that'll bleed out because he go back try to stitch him put him together it could be a sniper with him in his crosshairs so he got to get going and then not only do he have to be okay with watching people right next to him lou they like he also got to be very okay with taking life in a blink of an eye or somebody he never met and that he don't know if what he was told about this hill people in this country is true he got to be ready ready to ride or die for his country how likely is it for you to form a bond with a man that has rewired his brain to that right now you see what i mean see see what i'm trying to get to is some of this is common sense but common sense ain't coming when we thinking with our heart when we thinking with our desperation when we thinking with our frustration so the lesson from this here is there's no difference between bonding and soul tie that's just semantics it's this it's the same thing and the other thing is believe a man the next thing believe a man when he tells you he doesn't want a relationship like you want he doesn't want what you want and that could be anything if he said he don't want kids and you want full kids go home about your business if he said he he doesn't want marriage and you want marriage go about your business if he says he doesn't want a savings and he doesn't want a retirement plan and you want those things going about your business if he says he don't want to work a job he want to sit at home and see if he could uh hit hit the lotto and you believe in working hard going about your business when a man tells you that he wants something that you do not want and it is rooted in his belief system something foundational what have your morals values going about your business okay and then when you do that though that's when you that's when you get the strength to say okay i'm worth something and i don't have to settle so if a man ain't on my page same page man ain't on my level i could go about my business and so understand that right now another another lesson from this is never do for a man what he's not doing for you as a woman you should only reciprocate to a man as a woman you never lead in love you let him show you love first you let him court you you let him cater to you and then you reciprocate equal or less not equal or greater because because of a man's mindset like what the one he has if you are reciprocating if you are leading in love and you are showing love that he's not showing you you will spoil him and he will get complacent and he will take you for granted always let a man love you more than you love him so if a man spends fifty dollars on you you spend fifty dollars you spend forty nine dollars on him fifty at the most if it's 51 [Music] can we put that one little let me put one on okay thank you and that sound yeah sound harsh yeah that sound petty listen you better list them because everything gonna add up it it matters it matters and y'all relationships and the emails is a testament proves that what i'm telling you is true and that it matters because here you is you were kissing this man behind and you probably based on what you uh you hey literally and what he did all right he gave you something else gave you something else to do and then walked out on you took all the loving that you want to give and then walked out on you you lost the gamble but really he told you from the jump i don't want no relationship i don't want the type of relationship that you coming looking for that ain't what i want you ain't listening to him you ain't listen to him so he said guess what i could show you better than i could tell you because he said listen i'ma train ella you're not gonna be able to get my heart sister i'm gonna bring ella okay this is what i do and gave my heart up i don't have a heart you trying to fall in love that ain't what i ain't how i'm built right now now yeah some almost say they fall in love and someone got wife and kids and all of that but that ain't what this man is and that and that's what he tried to tell you so the lesson is going forward listen to him when he say on a relationship listen to him listen to him don't ever try to change a man if he's not ready and willing to be the man that he needs to be and and with your reinforcement and support going about your business hey this is tony guys and god bless you i'm finna lay down take me 10 minutes now i got to leave here in five minutes with my son i mean 30 minutes with my son for practice but god bless y'all we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 37,051

Rating: 4.9477978 out of 5

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Id: us6Bd8Kl7VU

Length: 33min 29sec (2009 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 03 2021