- Due to the Internet age and people being on their
phones all the time, people have lost the ability
to communicate effectively with other people. And that's probably not
a secret to you at all. You've probably felt the effects
of this in your own life. The more you scroll on your phone, the more you become a passive consumer of content stuck inside by yourself. Quite naturally, you're
probably gonna get worse at talking with people. You're probably going to get worse at coming across as somebody
who is charming and likable. And you might be wondering, like, "Okay, well, in the Internet age, "what's the point of coming
across as charming and likable? "Why do I need to care
about people pleasing?" And fair enough. You know, I don't think that people should be overly concerned about what other people think of them, but I do think that they
should be somewhat concerned because the way the world
is structured right now is most people don't have charisma. But the people that do
seem to run the world, the people with high
charisma are your world, well, not all the world leaders, the people with high charisma are the people you see on podcasts, the people that you see
on your Instagram Reels. Charisma is in higher demand than it ever has been
because it's dwindling. So I don't know what
your life situation is, but I would argue that
there is no life situation that you could be in where
having worse charisma than you do now would benefit you. I don't know if you're
going into university for your first semester, I don't
know if you're at a new job or a job that you've been
in for your whole life, whether you're starting to date or whether you're in a relationship, maybe you wanna make more friends, no matter what situation you're in, if you were to change one variable, that being your charisma, I guarantee you, all of those things would
become much easier for you. You could be the most
brilliant mind in the world, but if nobody likes you,
nobody's gonna listen to you. Nobody's gonna give you a job, no one's going to want to be around you, except for your family. If you have a low charisma, even your family will grit their teeth when they're around you. I don't know if that's entirely true. I'm just trying to create an intro here. Okay, so you've decided you
want to increase your charisma. Well, in order to do that, you need to be aware of
the three keys to charisma. The first key is presence. Presence is about being fully attentive and in the moment. The most charismatic people in
the world are fully present. When you talk to them, they
are actually listening to you. There's nobody else in the room. They are not a space cadet. They're not thinking about
all of these other things they have to do or, at least, they don't come across that way, right? Because charisma is all about perception. It's all about how people perceive you. Nothing is less charismatic
than when you're trying to talk to somebody and they're
just on their phone and they, like, sometimes
make eye contact, but they're really not listening to you. Personally, you're just like,
"All right, (beep) you, dude." Like, "I don't know what to do here." And, at the same time, I
feel like we've all talked to people who they are making eye contact, but there just seems to be,
like, a certain glossiness to their eyes, a wall of separation. And you're like, "You're looking at me, "but you're kind of not
responding properly. "You're not responding in real time. "I don't actually know if you're
listening, where are you?" So presence, naturally, is
about being here in this world. You are down to earth. So if you want to be
perceived as more present, then you kind of have
to actually be present. And this is one of these things that we're going to
discover about charisma. You can do all these things
and pretend to be present. You can be kind of a space cadet, worrying about all these
things you have to do and then just smile and
nod and aggressively agree and ask some random question
that has nothing to do with what the person was talking about. That's not being present. And people can see right through that. If you want to be perceived
as genuinely present and right there with somebody, then you have to be genuinely present and be right there with somebody. So how do we do that? Well, the most obvious thing is tips, like practice mindfulness and don't worry so much
and de-stress and whatever, but you already know all that stuff. But I think the biggest
pitfall to being present and the biggest reason why almost nobody seems to be, like, right
there with you nowadays is, well, you guessed it. It's because of screens. And I'm just gonna, I'm just
gonna (beep) on social media this whole video because that's all I do. But yeah, have you ever noticed that when you're on your
phone all day, you know, you're scrolling, you kind
of arrive at Instagram and go to Instagram Reels and see what it's cooked up for you today, it almost feels like you're
living life on your heels. You show up to a certain platform because you're kind of bored
or you just do it compulsively, maybe you're procrastinating something and you sort of hope that
whatever platform this is, the algorithm cooks up something
good that'll make you laugh or something that you can
share with your friends. And if you get into the
rabbit hole for long enough, you almost start to melt. Your posture becomes even
more and more passive, as you just move your thumb and your brain starts to boil over. It's kind of a strange
phenomenon, yet, it's so normal, but it's the absolute
opposite of being present. You are in the matrix. You're not here, you're not, you know, you don't actually know that
you're sitting on a chair. You're not aware of the smells around you, the sensation of being alive. You're so used to existing
in this passive state that when it comes time
to have a conversation with somebody, you're used
to being in a situation where you're not required
to develop a response. Yet, that is one of the fundamental keys to being perceived as charismatic. So, obviously, the solution
is to really pay attention to the way in which
you're using technology. I'm not saying don't watch movies anymore, don't use social media. But are you a product of social media? Are you the person
who's just consuming it, consuming all the ads, being entertained, bumping up other people's views
and watch time like my own? Or are you using it as a tool? Are you using it as something
that will give you value? Are you starting your own channel? Are you posting on social
media for any useful reason? When you're watching movies, are you watching any form of art? Or are you just putting on
a movie to pass your time because you don't know what
to do with it yourself? You have to ask yourself,
"Do I run away from problems? "Do I have this escapist mindset? "Is my head in the clouds "or am I here in this world, "making a difference in my own life, "actively engaged in the problems, "actively communicating
with other people?" In order to be charismatic, you have to come back down
to earth and stay here. The second key to charisma is power. Power is the perceived
ability to affect the world around us. We are naturally drawn to people who we perceive as being powerful. It is one of the most
important aspects of charisma. Somebody can be right there with you, but if they don't present themselves with any sort of dignity, then we naturally don't care
as much about their opinion. Someone can be right there with you and have terrible body language, they dress very poorly. They, clearly, really, don't
like themselves very much. You just, generally, aren't
going to care as much about their opinion or care
to be around them as much. And, again, that sounds super shallow, but this isn't an issue
about what is morally right. I'm not saying that you shouldn't care about what that person thinks of you or you shouldn't care
to be around that person or you shouldn't talk with somebody who doesn't like themselves very much. I'm talking about charisma and
the components of charisma. And somebody who does
not have good posture, doesn't dress well, has low confidence and appears to have low self-esteem and a low sense of self-worth, that person is not going to be perceived as very charismatic. So if you want to become
somebody who is charismatic, which, I mean, if you've made
it this far into the video, you do, then you need to think
about how you hold yourself, how you appear to others in the world. And as we've talked about in other videos, it's very hard to fake genuine
confidence and genuine power. You might be able to,
at a glance, you know, someone looks at you and says, "Okay, this
person has good posture. "He's walking like he's on a
mission and he dresses well." But as they start to have
a conversation with you, it's very easy to tell
whether somebody is cocky and just faking it or whether
they are genuinely confident and really have this
sense of internal dignity. So in order to generate power, in order to be somebody
who feels powerful, who is perceived as powerful and useful and capable to others, you
have to be useful and capable. You have to like your life, you have to be proud of yourself. You have to be somebody who feels like they're doing the right thing, somebody who has a good
relationship with themselves. You almost have to generate
this sort of king-like energy. A king, when he walks into a room, takes up space, he moves slowly. He prowls like a lion, the
shoulder blades rolling. There's a certain type
of movement of power that almost can't be replicated
unless you actually feel that energy thoroughly, with
every fiber of your being. And everybody has felt like that at some point in their lives. When you feel powerful and
when you project power, it's something that has
happened as a result of the way that you've
been living your life. It's a result of the activities
you've been engaging with and whether or not you've
been living your life according to your own values. And then, obviously, there is
the superficial element of it, which is very important
as well, how do you dress? If you have been taking care of your body, you'll, most likely, look like somebody who is taking care of their body. If you look physically weak and unhealthy, it's probably because you are
physically weak and unhealthy and people pick up on that. I almost feel like charisma is sort of a subconscious
filtering mechanism that we use to assess
the health of others. It's almost this tribal mentality where we say, "Oh, this person "is good for the tribe's survival. "This person is good for
procreation or whatever," right? There's almost this, like,
subconscious game going on where we create value
assessments of others in a blink of an eye. We don't even notice. So ask yourself, "Do you exude power "or are you kind of flailing around?" You know, "When you
walk around the street, "are you looking and seeing
if people are noticing you?" If you're chronically single, are you going to the grocery store, hoping that there's some cute girl and you're, like, checking your corners to see if there is one. That projects pretty low value. If you are already content and you project this sense of contentment and satisfaction with your life, then you're not darting around with this prey-like mentality. You don't look like a rabbit who's running across an open plain, hoping that a hawk doesn't swoop down. You just exist. You walk around, you do what you gotta do. Yeah, you're not, right? I don't know, guys. Before we talk about both
the last key to charisma and what it looks like
to put that all together, I do want to say that this entire video is based off of the
book "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane or Cabane. And a lot of us have been
listening to that on Audible, which is today's video sponsor because I've been talking
about it for a while. I've been telling people to listen to it, develop an opinion about it, because on August 17th, at 12:00 p.m. PST, I'm gonna be hopping on a
livestream with all of you guys and we're gonna be talking
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less than 30 days from now, if you catch my drift. And you can also text
"betterideas" to 500-500. So take advantage of that offer and I'll see you on the
livestream August 17th. Okay, the final key to charisma is warmth. You can be the most powerful
person in the world. You can exude this sense of power. You can be very present with somebody, but if they get the vibe
that you don't give a (beep) about them and you are
extremely self-absorbed, you're very selfish, you are very present, but monologuing about yourself,
never asking questions, never giving somebody the
vibe that you actually care about them, that you
want the best for them and that you want the
best for other people, you're not gonna be charismatic. People are going to see you as a detriment to their survival. They're not gonna want to be around you. And there are tons of people like this. I feel like that's almost the stereotype of the Wall Street exec
dressed in a nice suit. They're right there with you
and they're talking with you. They are mentally sharp. They don't give a (beep) about you. You are an absolute worm to them. And these types of people
are not very charismatic. Maybe, they're charismatic
enough and maybe they kiss ass to the people who are important
to their career advancement. But most people can see through that. They're entirely fake. No one really likes them. Nobody loves them. I think this is the one that
I struggle with the most. And it's not because I am not empathetic. I feel like I'm an
extremely empathetic person, but I'm not very good at
portraying or portraying, I really need to work on
being, like, "Oh, yes, no. "I care about you." Anyways, yeah, so warmth is a weird one. I personally believe
that warmth is something that you can absolutely work on and it doesn't take much
to appear as a warm person. And, often, I feel like it just comes down to being proactive with having
an investigatory approach to conversation. Like, if you never ask somebody,
"Oh, how are you doing? "Oh, how are you doing?" Like, that's all it takes, is for you to ask, "How are you doing?" Right, I think anybody can do that. And it goes such a long way into being perceived as a warm person. So many people just don't
get asked how they're doing. It's tragic. And I feel like so many
lives could be saved by people just asking, you
know, "How are you doing?" And just listening and
somebody being like, you know, "I'm not doing well,"
and you can just listen to what they're saying, that's it, right? That's warmth. So get in the habit of asking
people how they're doing. "How's your day going? "Oh, why is that? "Oh, that's so sad." It doesn't need to be
this whole pity party. You can be encouraging. And being encouraging is
also a part of warmth, but so is just listening, right? So I feel like presence
and warmth go hand-in-hand. Being present is, I think,
most of warmth anyways. Being present, being actively listening is a lot of what being warm is. And then just asking questions,
saying, "I understand." Saying, like, "How do
you feel about that?" I feel like that's, basically,
all it takes to be perceived as a warm person nowadays,
just because it's so rare for people to ask those
types of questions. I feel like most people,
unless you're a sociopath, are somewhat empathetic. But empathy is something
that can be practiced, just by bringing awareness to the fact that people have their own lives. People are just like you. They have their own
struggles and a lot of warmth and empathy and all of that kind of thing can be cultivated just
by spending less time inside our own heads,
less time in isolation, more time just being around
a wide range of people and just listening to people. And also, don't underestimate
the effectiveness of a good compliment. You know, if you're somebody
who gets in the habit of complimenting people,
even a fake compliment, is appreciated and welcomed. I've always found that. Even if you are, like, struggling
to come up with something to to compliment somebody
on, "Oh, I like your shirt." You know, it's so nothing. But people usually appreciate that. They're like, "Oh, oh, thank you. "What the hell?" So, "How are you? "And I like, blah, blah, blah." Even if your compliment makes no sense, people tend to appreciate it. Okay, so let's talk about bringing this whole thing together. What the hell did I just say? What the hell do all these things mean? And what does it look like when somebody implements
presence, power, and warmth? Well, look no further than
all the charismatic people in all the movies that we know and love. One of the best displays of
presence, power, and warmth that I've ever seen in media
is "Aragorn, Son of Arathorn." - He is Aragorn. - He is the perfect example
of somebody who exudes power, you know, absolute
capability, physical prowess, king-like dignity. Yet, when you're talking to
Aragorn, he cares about you. He caress about the little ones. He cares about his hobbits. He cares about the world around him. He cares about fighting
evil and being good. You don't see him scrolling on his phone when Frodo's trying to talk to him. What character from a movie or show or real life do you think
is extremely charismatic? Because I would love to know who you think the most
charismatic people are, and, yeah, I'm just curious. Or am I, am I just expressing warmth? Am I trying to farm comments,
so that the video does better? Yes. If you are interested in wasting
your life on social media, then follow me, instagram.com/betterideas. I don't know what to do about that 'cause I need more
followers to, no, I don't.
