- Larabee, that man who just entered. Do you know who that is? - [Larabee] Which one, Chief? - The man in the hat. (dramatic music) (dreamy music) (chimes ring)
(dreamy music) That's Simon the Likable. - I don't care what his
name is, Chief. I like him. - Everybody at some point in their life has met someone who they would
consider to be truly likable. (dreamy music) (chimes ring)
(dreamy music) Like in the upper 99.9th
percentile of likability. These are the types of people who, when you talk to them,
you feel understood. You feel like they're really listening, they value you as a human being, and they see the best in you. No matter where these types of people go, it seems like they have friends. It seems like people
tend to celebrate them and elevate them to this deity status. And it sounds kind of crazy,
but that's why it's so rare. I feel like I can only name
like three or four people I have ever met who fit that description. And it seems like the more
likable of a person you are, the more the world opens up to you. You know, people just
enjoy being around you, they always want to invite you to things, they want you part of their company, they give you promotions. And you can look at that and say, "Well, that's not fair,
they don't deserve it. They're not more qualified than I am." But it doesn't make it any less true. The more likable of a person you are, the more people like you. (laughs) You know, some people are very likable and other people are
very difficult to like. And the people who are likable tend to do better in
almost every area of life compared to people that
no one wants to be around. I've thought a lot about
what makes somebody likable. What makes someone somebody
that people love being around? Like, what's the common theme? And can we implement those
behaviors into our own lives so that we're just generally
more likable as a person? Now, right off the bat you
might have some resistance towards this proposition because
you might be thinking like, "Oh, why would you want
to be more likable? Why would you worry so much about what other people think of you? You're focusing on the wrong thing. You should focus on
yourself, your own happiness, and then people who don't
like it can screw off." But I think that's overly
simplistic and foolish, and if you think that way you're not gonna get very far in life, especially if you already
struggle with people and you think that, oh,
just being more of yourself is gonna help for some reason. It's like, how has that
worked out for you? How has that worked out for you? Because ultimately,
we're creatures of habit. What we think is just
part of our personality might just be a conversational
tic or bad habit that we've picked up over conditioning, over the role that we played in our friends circle or our family, and it could actually be making us more abrasive of a person than necessary. For instance, if you struggle
to make good eye contact with somebody while
you're talking to them, and it's just a habit that you have, you tend to look down all the time, if I told you that if you made better eye contact with people and you got more comfortable with making eye contact with people, you're not gonna say that that is somehow a betrayal of your personality. You wouldn't say that I'm telling you to be someone that you're not. I'm not telling you to deny your god. I'm just saying that there
are things that you do that make a difference in how
you are perceived by others. And I believe that the most likable people just do those things better
than the average person. So in this video, it's a little
bit of a different video, I'm just gonna talk off the cuff about things that I've noticed about the most likable
people I've ever met, and then hopefully we
can try to figure out how to implement some of those
behaviors and those mindsets to make us more likable and
more enjoyable to be around so that we can enrich our lives and have a better time with being social and interacting with people, leaving people better off
than when we found them. (dreamy music) So the first thing that you need to do if you want to increase your likability is that you have to realize that nobody really
cares about what you say more than they care about
how you make them feel. How you make people feel
when you're around them is the most important thing. That's the thing that leaves
an impression on people. In fact, 99 times out of 100, people aren't gonna really
remember the things that you said when they go home after
you interacted with them. They're gonna remember
how you made them feel. - [Narrator] Good manners
make good first impressions. They have a lot to do with
how well people like you. - A good example of this is when somebody that you're talking to is going on a rant about
all of their problems and they're really heated and pissed off and they're going on a monologue about all the terrible things that have happened to
them throughout the day. And you're listening and you're kind of giving
them the time of day, and then you try to
offer a piece of advice or an observation or ask them a question, but they just sort of steamroll over you and disregard anything that you say to continue in their monologue. When that happens, you
kind of feel dejected. You kind of stop listening to all the particulars
of what they're saying, and the only thing that you're
left with is this feeling that they don't really care
about what you have to say. You know, they don't really
care about your opinion, they don't care about you, so F this person. Every interaction that you have
with somebody is like that. What people remember about
you is how you made them feel. It's the vibe that you give off. Is it one that is
encouraging and empowering and collaborative, reciprocal? Or do you feel kind of expendable? Like they don't really care
about your unique situation, your unique perspective. They don't really care about any advice that you have to give. They might as well be
ranting at a brick wall. Here's another example. Say you're a guy and you're
on a date with some girl and you are talking about all these things that you think are very impressive. You're saying a lot of words. You're talking about
what you do for a living. You might be saying
stuff impressive, like, "Oh, I have a six-figure
income, blabbity-blabbity-blah. I have three sisters,
something-something-something." And then once you realize that you've been monologuing
for a little bit too long, you ask routine questions to them like, "Oh, how many sisters do you have? What's your favorite color,
blabbity-blabbity-blah?" You know, this goes back and
forth for an hour or two, and she goes home. And while she's at home, she was thinking back on the date and she was thinking to herself, "You know, he seems like a nice guy, but I just didn't feel that spark." Like, "I didn't really feel
like we had chemistry." That spark is everything. That spark is what people think of you. They don't think about all
the little things you said. They don't really think about
all the things that you did or what your job position is. Like. No one really cares. What they care about is that spark, and that spark is the energy you give off. How do you make that person
feel when they're around you? If you're sitting there in
an interaction with somebody and you are tense and
you are performative, then they're going to be tense
and performative as well. The most likable people on
planet Earth realize this. You know, they put people at
ease because they're at ease. - [Narrator] That's what good manners do. They make everyone feel at ease. - They feel so comfortable
with conversation, with eye contact, with being playful. They realize that people like you when you make them feel
important and valued. - [Narrator] That's what a boy likes. He wants to know he's appreciated. - You might hear that and say, "Okay, what am I supposed to do then? Am I supposed to just be a pushover and just never voice my opinion on things and make people feel so
special and comfortable and listen to all of their problems and never talk about
my problems or my life, and just be like an interviewer?" That's not what I'm saying, and that's never the way it works out, because 9 times out of 10, when you are genuinely
interested in someone else and you act genuinely
interested in someone else, they feel special and they
end up liking you more. And when someone likes you, they're more likely to ask
you questions about yourself. So it's almost like you have
to give first and then receive. So another thing you might say is, "What, I'm just supposed to pretend to be interested in what they're saying? Like, that's not very genuine. I thought that good connections came from authenticity and honesty, so if I'm not honestly interested
in what they have to say, then the entire friendship
is built on a facade." But here's a weird
thing that I've noticed, is it's almost paradoxical because the people who
are most comfortable with who they are and
the life that they live are usually the people
who are least desperate to talk about themselves. Because think about it. If you're insecure and
you don't like your life, then everything that you say about your life or your job position or what you tend to do on Saturdays, you're subconsciously hoping
that the other person says, "Oh, that's really cool. Oh, wow." Like you want so desperately
for someone to say, "Wow, you make six figures. Oh, that's such an interesting
job. That's amazing." But think about it. Everyone thinks like you. Most people are insecure, so if you are that for people, if you're the person who says, "Oh, wow, that's super
interesting, tell me about that," people say, "Oh my goodness! Let me tell you about it. This is awesome. Someone's listening." People are dying to be listened to. People are dying to be
called by their name, to be looked at in the eye, to feel like, "Man, I don't know if that
guy really cares about me, but I sure felt like he did and that makes me feel good about myself." That's the key to likability. So I think it all boils
down to a few things. If you want to be the most
likable person that you can be, the most likable version of yourself, then firstly, you have to
live a life that you like. - [Narrator] The more you're interested in the world around you, the more interesting you become. - You have to find yourself likable. You have to admire the things that you do on a day-to-day basis, or at least not actively
participate in something that ruins your opinion of yourself. Because if you dislike yourself, then curiosity in other
people is hard to come by. You can't afford to be
curious about other people because you need their validation. You need them to validate you. But people who are secure in themselves and their lifestyle will find that, oh, they don't necessarily need
people to comment on their life because they like their life, so then they can actually
have fun with conversation and ask questions that
they find interesting and be interested in the other person. And as a result of that, the people that you're listening to will say, "Wow I like this person. I want to ask them
questions about their life," and then that's when that
reciprocity can get going. Those are just some
thoughts that I've had. The people that I think are
the most likable in life not only like themselves, or at least carry themselves
like somebody that they admire, they treat themselves with respect. But because of this, they're
able to go into a room and not be desperate for
other people's approval. They can sit there very comfortably and easily ask people followup
questions about their life and be genuinely curious because there's a lot
to learn from people. There's a lot of things that
people have gone through that you can't imagine and
that are genuinely interesting, and they can't wait to tell
you, but no one ever asks. - You know, to keep your
friends, you gotta be... Gotta be pretty considerate. Look for the good in people. Give them credit for being
as straight as you are. - Yeah It might work. - So yeah, let me know
what you think of all that. It's a little bit more
of a loose concept video. I'd be super interested in
hearing what you've observed about the most likable
people in your life. You know, when I say the
most likable person you know, someone probably pops into your head. What makes them likable? Comment below. And if you're looking
for less theoretical tips and you want like step-by-step things that you can do to make you more likable, then one of the coolest
books I've ever read is "The Like Switch" by Jack Schafer. It's basically an ex-FBI agent's guide to making people like you
and winning people over based on hard-won
evidence that the FBI uses to actually convert foreign
agents into the FBI. It's wild. And I highly recommend listening
to the audio book version on Audible, which is
today's video sponsor, because that's how I enjoyed the book. And for those of you who don't know, Audible is the leading provider
of spoken word entertainment and audiobooks all in one place. If you're interested in self-improvement and just being a more knowledgeable
human being in general, then Audible is kind of a no-brainer because it is by far the best app for listening to audiobooks and basically just inputting some of the most valuable
and timeless insights ever recorded into your brain while you're doing other things. You could be going for a
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library of audiobooks. Audible members also get access to a rapidly expanding catalog of Audible originals,
podcasts, and exclusive series. So if you're interested in
joining me in becoming big brain and just improving the quality of thoughts that enter your brain by stealing from other people's wisdom, then if you use my link
in the description below to sign up for Audible, you
get a 30-day free trial. So make sure to take
advantage of that link. Head on over to audible.com/betterideas, or just text "betterideas" to 500-500 to get your free 30-day trial. Expand your mind, learn something new, and as usual, have a great time. And if you liked this video,
watch my previous video. It's not doing too well in the algorithm and I really liked that video. It meant a lot to me, and it changed a lot of
people's perspective. Some people just straight
up didn't get it. They're like, "You just said eight minutes of absolutely nothing." But other people are like, "Dude, this is some of the most
poetic shit I've ever seen." So make up your own mind on that. I'll put a link for that
in the description below. And a big thank you to Demetrios, who usually edits my
second channel videos. He edited this video, so
if you liked the editing or you absolutely hated
the editing on this video, be sure to let Demetrios know. This is the first time I have not edited one of my Better Ideas
main channel videos, so let me know how he did. Other than that, thank
you so much for watching, and we'll catch you in the next video. (mellow music)
