Most Embarrassing Story Ever

[Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] so we can't remember sitting to the [ __ ] thing [Applause] - my thinking much and one got the shower like your dick that was that your uncle say [Music] and I [Applause] Carrie come on [Applause] [Applause] commander in circuit course I'm nervous because it hurt me I want a handy [Music] is that what you learned in eight years of this holy [ __ ] I do that if we're gonna take that really is it he's definitely he's usually pretty [Applause] well your wife my mates outgrown okay so they diagnosed me and I being real in the operating room a nurse there at surgery doctors yeah Smitty average then we were meeting into the operator and I'm about 15 feet outside Network I'm stair and I passed a sign on the wall to the test please make sure you have the right patient [Applause] [Music] I said we got slow down [Applause] [Music] even and I will be there I can help on the way into the operating room now is another sign all the operators are doing but that you top please remember your left is their college 47 years know your left from your right now I'm legitimately here it's just me the Indian CEO and there's that sign on every wall we share recognition let's mention and at this point I'm almost why is that you're the scared mom I also say other to go to med school just so I can make some room to room 9 every second I'm gonna like practical jokes that may be the best one I've ever heard you're gonna [Applause] goodnight and it's like 3:00 this morning and I want two days of percocet so tired but I'm also really high model a new deal I remember when I walked in the day before a check-in got games Bob she's about it and you leave my side bets I'm gonna come pick it up but you know the basket there you always buy me the bottle and leave it on the side of my bed you have that surgery [Music] you just walk into that my tank for people insurance and my hang-up on what could use dr. heated bottle from the [ __ ] day right the nurse walked in one I was standing next to my bed [Applause] what I call the matters now like for designers this is really tall muscular woman and really high I was actually [Music] [Applause] but this young cute 23 year old nurse he has a very happy marriage I will tell you the festival [Applause] my duplicate so many days a google.sdl honey twenty-three-year-old 1ci straight [Music] my hair pretty cool she walked in like one girl hold the dribble bladder morality mommy [Laughter] [Applause] the nurses have reason to squeeze top of my toe did you make a mess [Music] [Applause] [Music] I'm in a mess [Music] she said why do you well maybe the little master she walks over to where my headed pets it twice like good dog again with this bird how old do you think I am and guys my masculinity was just getting chopped down and return until the counter I'll walk you right now you know I mean the game I play nurse nurse she said master on she's been sick before and actually that's it there wasn't Hey that's it let me get you up walk around today and she said that [ __ ] finally all right sunny who appreciates my specific set of skills she said we had some the opiates you backed up there's no way that you go home unless we know your patent pass something through so I'm gonna need your car but she said and then she said to me I'm a nurse just know you farted in front of me he's the worst thing to happen to me today this would be the best day I've ever had [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] so yeah right and the natural the blower like a reckoning you know and I got my dog [Music] and I start to show the stitches and I've never had surgery like a child Jhansi memory stupid okay I get around time to feel the movement going she said you know what you should be shot she said walk too fast now I'm gonna tell you my theory on that but before we go any further when you tell you takes eight weeks to heal I think that means four weeks I think you're banging you cover your own ass if you tell me to take two pills I takes out [Music] that number has increased she's hit for round three Emmys beat up making my stride I'm speeding up and I speed stuff to work a little [Music] we get right around angry I'm skip I said no not a good job you and I have a different definition a good job right now because what's in my man sells goods like I did a great job guys I can't be dropping the deuce in welcoming that's how things get started on the internet everybody I gotta get to my room which is here so I get around this kind let's take a walk back and she says to me oh you walking fast enough and I think what I said to her was don't talk to me I couldn't even have words concentration on my [ __ ] to make sure nothing bad how do you work that no words no concentration I can focus right now 100% [Music] they comment this way is one nurse and I met a couple times you're big boys yeah her face will tell me if she knows there's nobody you guys you see it as normal human being John sociopath [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] it's you know the same poison I hear how you gonna say great see you later I'm running around think I'm unaware of attachment walk walk myself up throw that trash I also to the rest of town [Music] [Applause] and I put on through the eight pairs mother where the nurse night before [Music] she probably hate their coverage I handed it to me and she goes act [Music] well you are area there you know and nobody knows I'm off Scott now he loves me I've been peeing above I've never used the bathroom it's as clean as the day as I walked in we're buddies man I don't know what he looks like do I look like a skirt though John and he always walks in goes what's up wolf and I don't you what's up man he say he walks and he goes what's up what's up man and he walks into the back [Music] [Applause] seriously you're that door shut come inside you hear good god the door flies over man runs up here that's a meeting you like to [ __ ] all over his mouth her and then I heard this story so I told you be [ __ ] in the hallway [Music] [Applause] [Music] okay [Applause] [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Josh Wolf

Views: 1,365,916

Keywords: Josh Wolf, comedian, stand-up, stand-up comedy, comedy clips, stand-up clips, stand-up bits, hospital, fecal, incontinence

Id: zwpPnle_C7I

Length: 19min 14sec (1154 seconds)

Published: Fri Dec 06 2019