Josh Wolf Answers the Internet's Weirdest Questions

I'm Josh wolf and I'm about to answer the internet check out my YouTube page for all my stand-up would you rather walk in on your dad having sex with a dog or a dog having sex with your dad this is an easy answer my dad having sex with a dog hey nobody [ __ ] my dad you know I'm saying that's [ __ ] up how dare you I would rather see him I mean it's gotta be a full breed I don't want him [ __ ] a mutt I don't want him dragging our family name through the mud but as long as it's a full breed like in a respectable breed like a Rottweiler or Doberman someone looked like he really had to wrestle with I'm on board for that so my dad [ __ ] a dog easy come loudly every time you fart or fart loudly every time you come easy one again more coming the better you know what I mean I think I would actually add prunes to my diet because are you telling me I come every time I fart is that a problem like that seems like something I would pay for can I go to the doctor and get that do they attach that like I think I would go fart [ __ ] is actually also funny like if you're like ah like I would be pretty great I would actually try to make a cooler [ __ ] noise but I say definitely I definitely say [ __ ] loudly every time I fart and I would fart make it a point to fart a lot on the plane would you rather be an extremely good-looking paralyzed person or a hideous looking person who can walk I am gonna go with walk and I'm gonna tell you why because I can change this you know what I mean surgery or you know what I can also be I can be that hideous looking dude with a chiseled diesel body I still got diesel body because you know those if you put on the opposite there are some women that you've seen whose faces he but their bodies and they're still getting it but the paralyzed guy I mean you can't even look at yourself in the mirror so what good is it to be good-looking you know what I mean what do you guys say bring the mirror over here that doesn't sound like a lot of fun it's it doesn't matter how good looking you are if somebody's wiping your ass so that's what I would say would you hook up with someone with a colostomy bag well I have to do I have the colostomy bag or today they have the costumey bag yeah that'd be a good story I think it'd be a great story you know what I mean I think I would even hold it up like this yeah like show it like it was an IV bag I think but I think so I think so and I bet you it's kind of warm so it might feel good but I would go colostomy bag yeah I would why not would you rather kill 25 kittens in a row or one dog 25 kittens in a row that's not even close are you a cat here's all you need to know a cat if you die a cat will eat you they within a day they say a cat will eat you they don't give a [ __ ] the only reason look the only reason the cat doesn't kill you is because it's not big enough you know what the big cats do they kill you they kill you the only reason your cat doesn't kill you is because it knows it can't [ __ ] a cat I go with the I would rather kill 25 kittens in a row do I get to choose how I kill him you know how you ever seen whack-a-mole boink boink boink boink maybe a couple of miniature golf clubs I don't know I'd be creative if specially I wouldn't kill this dog if this is the one that's [ __ ] my dad because I want to make sure he has a healthy dog would you rather be Magic Johnson or just your regular self without a it's Magic Johnson not even close are you kidding me Magic Johnson is a national hero he's got the good aids to the one that makes you bigger and stronger I don't know how he got that aids but I want someone like that it seems like he seems healthier now than he did when he was playing professional basketball so yeah I'd rather be Magic Johnson rich I didn't lose my wife or my family I got more popular yeah I'm going Magic Johnson without a doubt would you rather have two average kids or one kid go on to be a pro athlete and one kid can't read I'd go with one kid pro athlete and what kid can't read a hundred percent because I'm gonna just I'm gonna make the one kid who can't read follow the per athlete around and carry his bag or some [ __ ] but I want a pro athlete I want the tickets I want the perks and I'm gonna ask that pro athlete to take care of the dumb mom would you rather burp the sound of a gong or sneeze the sound of bowling strike what's the sound oh well I say sneeze the sound of a bowling strike because how would that work and not only that like that would really like because I on planes I always as I fly a lot if I'm two rows back and I hear the sound of a bowling strike I'm getting nervous I'm like what the [ __ ] so if I if I could make someone scare it every time I sneezed I think I would go bowling strike would you [ __ ] the ugliest teacher you ever had yes oh is that not the question Oh a would you [ __ ] the obvious teacher ever had to [ __ ] the hottest teacher you ever had yeah listen most guys would [ __ ] the ugly teacher they ever had just for the story then that's a hard no that's a that's a hard pass there was a dude there was a teacher that I had whose body odor was so bad but he also used to stand and yet Chester he had his shirt button to hear and he would talk to you and he would twirl the chest hair and slowly rip it out of his chest and sprinkle it on the ground in front of him and his bow he smelled that dude smelled so bad and he always had food in his beard there was one time he had a piece of cheese in his [ __ ] eyebrow and I was just staring at him like what am I doing here yeah so I would say no do you think you could beat any creature on earth armed with two samurai swords no no yeah I'm gonna tell you right now so me versus a bear go grizzly bear I'm gonna tell you how that goes right now first I should then I run I don't care what I have in my hands [ __ ] and then run and so I think he catches me Samurai probably fall on the samurai sword and kill myself before I'm probably and then that's the end of that but no I'm listen guys I don't know if you can tell by my incredible physique and personality but I'm not a big fighter I'm not really I'm not real good at that yeah it doesn't yeah you're not automatically Jetley you're still the [ __ ] who can't open the pickle jar you know what I mean so I'm not sure sex sports are really gonna help you out with that if you count to a million you get one million dollars you cannot take breaks you cannot mess up could you do it guys I'm so high all the time no no no no no no there's zero chance I forget what I'm talking about most mid-sentence so there's no way I could count to a million now if you had no I could yeah yeah I know I definitely could not no I couldn't do that would you rather be in a country music video or a rap music video for the rest of your life country music video all day every day you know they look like they're having a good time country music right now is like 80's rock that you go to the con there having a good time the women are hot people are drinking beers we're hanging out in a truck I don't know why we're all swimming in an above-ground pool but whatever we're doing it and we're having a good time doing it so I definitely go country music video and here's the problem with me doing and being a rap music video I'm a terrible dancer so honestly that you want to see me run did my running man okay okay yeah but I could do the I could do that but I could but I couldn't do that okay so I think this is the yeah isn't this the running man is yeah I can't shuffle I can't yeah I want to say one thing to white guys look here's the deal don't dance with both half of your body pick a hat pick the upper half because you can kind of stay right here you're in B it's the lower half people where you look we only will be your lower half no no no pick the upper half stick with it don't move your lower half and make eye contact if you were in Willy Wonka's chocolate factory how would you get kicked out I'll tell you how because I'd be super [ __ ] high and I would just start eating everything and if he told me hey you can't eat that I would be eat dicks I'm high as [ __ ] that's more than chocolate yeah I would get kicked out I would also get kicked out because I would probably put some of the weed chocolate into the regular chocolate I like surprising people with getting high because sometimes I'm gonna be I'm feeling a little lightheaded I'm like dad it's like a game show you're high yeah it's but I would do that well you don't to see really Wonka high you think that dudes not smoking weed Willy Wonka come on if you can make one movie character real to date you who would it be Jessica Rabbit come on that Jessica Rabbit without a doubt because I also feel like cartoon characters are bendy you know I mean so I feel like you can really do a lot of weird stuff that you couldn't do with regular people Jessica Rabbit for sure no there's zero chance listen you're not [ __ ] cartoons and be bad in bed do you know what I mean cuz they can go they can turn their dick into hammers you know what I mean so you if you for sure if you're [ __ ] a cartoon character you do you know what's going on would you rather have to tell your mom everything you've ever done sexually or have to show her your porn history woo I would rather tell her everything I've done sexually because I like making people uncomfortable so I would make sure we sat down at the table and I would make sure I maintained eye contact and I would take her step-by-step porn history is gonna make her really worried for me as a human being do you know what I mean like just like google search can I tell you my son's friend was at the house and they were using my computer and they hit the google search and I clear when I think I've done like weird sex stuff but I hear Jacob go dad why were you googling zebra diarrhea yeah oh my god don't worry about it buddy you know what I mean yeah it's just yeah I'm so sorry but yeah I would rather want her to see the porn history because a lot of the poor in history isn't stuff I'm jerking off to it's more stuff like I wonder if they've ever made that do you know what I mean that's more like what it is yeah like I googled [ __ ] porn it's the worst thing I've ever googled I'm just I'm not well I'm so sorry I did that it's the only thing I've ever regret regretted googling it was the only thing I've the the sounds were really tough we I mean I'm I'm a sick person but that even that I was like oh boy like I've hit my threshold of where twice but once was just because I was like oh it's here yeah so but yeah I know that was a rough one for me would you rather fart popcorn or sneeze butter fart popcorn guys again farts are funny is it an actual popcorn um farting or the smell does it have butter on it because it seems like it might be a little touchy coming out yes no butter dry popcorn I get a sneeze butter then yeah it's already a mess but I I don't want to dry popcorn it feels like eventually is gonna be a lot of chafing and honestly say you fart and like it's a couple of popcorns and now you've got a little a little load and you're I don't want and what are gonna say no it's just popcorn it's not poop it's just about people going whatever no no it's just is that better popcorn yeah no not better sneeze butter sneeze buddy would you rather have sex with a girl with no arms that's the whole question oh I added rather in there yes what I have I will tell you there was a girl in college who had one arm and there may have been she had a great sense of humor and so maybe one of my friends used to call her slot and and he would walk up to her at a bar and he would he would when they cuz she liked it she would put her arm up her little arm like this and he would pull it and he would put his hand out by her [ __ ] be like no lemons no lemons but when I have sex with a girl with no arms yeah why not what's what's the problem is there a problem like they no arms but a vagina right ok so as long as the vagina still there I think we're good to go you telling me you wouldn't want to see two nubs Jaguars like this Oh dolphin Anja come on with two flippers that would be amazing hi there's gotta be now that's gonna add to my google porn search because now I'm going to google it I'm gonna google it like this come on somebody's made that what's the weirdest thing you've ever masturbated to well I know what I'm gonna masturbate to later and that's the [ __ ] flippers I I honestly don't know how to answer this the weirdest thing I've ever masturbated to I do you know how to answer that do you know what the weirdest thing you've ever masturbated okay that's where that's where I'll watch just about anything because I like I have some things on my phone man okay I have seen a video this dude with two hands I'll show you the video it's on my phone oh my god try to just should I describe it to your show it to you okay he a guy first you don't you don't know what it is it's just like these guys hands his hands are just they're gone and he's doing this and then you realize oh hey both of his hands are in somebody's butt and then out he pulls this giant purple honeycomb looking prolapsed but it's giant it looks like a huge beehive and it's purple and then he does this he does this and he starts to suck it and I have to tell you I came so fast no I have to tell you that was the weirdest it's so I've shown well here's thick III videotape people watching that because the reaction without them knowing what it is is so amazing I like weird [ __ ] everybody I love Richard that's why I love these questions I love weird stuff I love answering weird stuff it makes me happy yeah

Channel: Answer the Internet

Views: 439,375

Keywords: Kfc radio, barstool, barstool sports, kfc radio podcast, comedy, internet, entertainment, answer the internet, barstool answer the internet, kfc barstool, feitelberg barstool, feitelberg, john feitelberg, hypotheticals, weird hypotheticals, dumb questions, weird questions, josh wolf, chelsea lately, high live, practical jokes, father of the year, controlled chaos, drunk people, stealing booze, true love, Josh Wolf Answers the Internet's Weirdest Questions

Id: LNZcELveAHM

Length: 16min 9sec (969 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 28 2019