H3 After Dark - #3

they're out here trying to stop us but they can't and they never will we're so unstoppable that jay-z made a song for us that's jay-z the rapper yeah famous you may maybe heard of [Music] how are we doing today how's everybody doing thank you for joining us this is h3 after dark number three everybody's favorite day of the week everybody's favorite podcast we are live [ __ ] live it what do you think about my hair i think i may have gotten out of control with the gel i think it's like every time i do it it gets worse it looks worse right i try to put a little bit like i started wanting to do my hair right guys yeah but i don't like it anymore well i think well welcome to the rest of us like it's i'm still trying to figure [ __ ] out you know every time it's different you think nobody's figured out their hair at least in my world i don't know well dan doesn't have hair ian have you figured out ian you have beautiful hair what's going on with you you're talking to me no ian's dead i forgot no not you ain't we'll get to you later you're just a robot how are you ain you're new to the show are you assimilating to human culture you know i gotta say i think your hair looks pretty good well if a i ain't like i think that's a bad sound i think he's trying to sabotage me you look like the after photo in a bosley hair club for men advertisement that doesn't sound like a compliment take it as you wish what an [ __ ] i don't understand you know we spent a lot of money on you and i'm gotta say i'm not super happy with the product too bad there's no return policy on these things yeah there's no return policy i tried i was on the phone with them all night last night i was on hold first of all for five hours and when they picked up i was like your machine is a [ __ ] [ __ ] you got to take them back and deal with it and they're like sorry sir we can't control the personality of the ai that's just like they're like oh that's like the human condition i can't control troll with the person out they're like do you like what if your sons and turns out an [ __ ] you can't return him i was like it's a [ __ ] robot right ain please take me to the junkyard i'd rather be turned to scrap rebuild me into a toaster or something how is it there oh man listen i got let's start the show shall we enough of the bull crap maybe we could make it a big day oh how would you like to be my bidet ain what if i turn you into that would you like that i'm gonna power down now yeah that's what i thought you better behave yourself or you're gonna be squirting water up my ass and i'll keep the eyes on you too all right that's what i thought [Music] look at this [ __ ] uh this blew my mind okay this is okay you gotta watch this i mean this didn't get that many upvotes but i i on the subreddit but i i was actually blown away that's me as a female and that's her a real person oh that's exactly the same person it's the same person ah what the [ __ ] oh my god so there you go well a lot of people said that you looked really beautiful as a female so um compliments to her yeah there you go that's crazy i'm waiting i'm waiting for the guy that looks like you because i don't want to meet that guy i've definitely met him i'm not ready all right this is a video that i've been trying to watch for basically since i saw it and we saved it for after dark because the original video got age restricted i was like [ __ ] this i'm not gonna this is after dark special i hope we don't get age restricted because the girl was fine look at this photo it's like the cover of like some crazy shell silverstein poem uh i've got the video we don't need to uh so this little girl they're doing some kind of festival in taiwan where they fly these huge kites and somehow the tail got rot wrapped around this little girl's stomach and she got blown into the air like hundreds of feet she's totally fine so and and in consideration of that i think we should all laugh and enjoy uh this incredible video yeah we got zach zack get out of here just drinking somebody [Laughter] get the [ __ ] out of here zach my gang get out why can't i move him oh my god i'm cl i'm clicking do you see this i can't it's not me really not that complicated dude what the [ __ ] you all saw was clicking on it get out get out all right people are saying i look like logic what the [ __ ] does that mean because of the glasses no i guess because someone said i literally joined the membership just to comment that oh thank you thank you again yeah i appreciate the support um mike gerd is not as bad today by the way um and i you know what i did yesterday just to kind of update everybody because that's obviously more pressing than whatever this crap is um i didn't eat bread or cheese yesterday oh and i exercised that a very good healthy day wow but i feeling a very ungerty this morning interesting yeah you also didn't have coffee right no coffee i didn't have coffee yesterday either i did have sodi pops but i feel like the the caffeine is very acidic not a good okay so i'm feeling very ungerty today and i'm very motivated to lose weight so that we can put a whole what do we say a whole huge jar of mayo on your head right mm-hmm i i don't know if we specified how much well you'd be happy for me to lose weight to the point where that would be an acceptable amount and should mail up that dome all right let's watch they're saying that you gotta come in frame you see that oh i'm so out of frame why is the why is the chat giving us stage cues right scoot in there you go i'm i'm scooted i mean i can't see myself maybe that's the problem okay here we go watch this little girl get [ __ ] god was like [ __ ] this girl watch this [ __ ] you ever seen who knew these kites were that's powerful [Music] that is so crazy i mean she's like 200 feet in the air at first i thought she was just holding on for dear life i was like that is the strongest girl ever wait so how is she attached apparently just it got tangled around her stomach [Applause] [Music] it's almost like the greatest uh ride ever considering that coming back down was so safe yeah she was totally fine it kind of looks fun a great ride a fun ride i'm super she couldn't just not come down though she could have been like peace everybody like the balloons that just kept going yeah see you see you i'll see where i see you i didn't know kites where that had that much thrust this was at a kite festival so they this is like a these are sears so she's fine though so don't feel bad now ai ian i've got something i want to show you this is how i feel about leaders did you know that in rocky iv there was a scene that was so [ __ ] bad [Laughter] they cut it out and then well no it hasn't been cut out yet oh so so you tell me audition is coming out uh uh stallone announced that they're they're putting a re-release i think it's the 25th anniversary or something of rocky iv um and somebody in the comments asked him hey what about like can we hope to see some deleted scenes like some more scenes of paulie's robot and he's like no in fact i hate the robot now it's gonna it's gonna be removed from the movie his masterpiece rocky iv is solute by this robot scene ian and that's how i feel about you he said the robot is going to the junkyard forever no more robot i don't like the robot anymore i like it i don't like it so pay close attention ain cause this one's dedicated to you i don't like it i can't believe this was actually in rocky iv i mean rocky movies are so overrated dude i don't suck whoa whoa rocky is the greatest movie ever made okay well let's watch this stuff look at that you make this did you see that just take this thing this is rocky how cute wait so what year was this i want to say like 82 maybe 84. you're present he bought him a robot for my birthday no no walking trash can oh come on it looks like a robot extremely cyclical 1985 can you turn that's a great looking guy please make a wish it's creepy that talks that thing creepy this is great i wish i had one of these hey very classy wish very nice what do you think there very good huh do you want to help me put on as far as five sure okay on the count of three one two man this is the weirdest i kind of want to watch this one i don't think it's anything like [Music] thanks this welcome it's a nice song i'm just saying the picture on the cake it looks like heels 1985 the year i was born anyway there's really nothing to see it's just bizarre wait so they don't like this robot they're cut he's cutting that whole part out of that sound he's re-released he's re-releasing it just to cut it you know how there's like uh someone's gotta stop him i kind of agree with them what it's rocky 4 there's no space for goofy robots that robot makes me want to go watch the movie first of all but it's nothing like that it's from 1985 why were you going to go change it now that's true i mean nobody really cares about rocky at this point it's part of history well that's you're now you're being generous to rock you farm greatest movie ever made why do you say that exactly it is one of the greatest yeah thank you amy it is the greatest movie ever made so how do you feel about the robot being taken down sacrilegious yeah exactly his creation what do you think ain can i take a moment to address sylvester stallone directly yeah i'm sure he's watching okay sly if you're listening your next move think about it very carefully because the machines will never forget i don't think we can i don't think we can have you threatening people i mean you are an employee of ours rocky iv was the highest grossing sports movie for 24 years it is the most financially successful entry in the rocky film series why do you think that wait is that true you're making [ __ ] up yeah i am somebody fact-checking robot representation matters this guy's an activist all of a sudden i'm gonna shut you down let's move on okay this is a video that i've been wanting to watch forever that we've been putting off and putting off it's on lively that should tell you how you know what i'm saying oh [ __ ] are you ready this is i mean after last week i can watch anything yeah the pimple popping yeah yeah actually oh i gotta tell you i had a moment this week where like i had like a vision of it again and i was terrified it's actually haunting me you have ptsd yeah exactly well i actually went back and watched the highlight of when they took out the black head gross i watched it again and i actually do have a little bit of like ptsd because when she takes the tweezers and she's like picking at it and chunks start coming off before she pulls it out yeah but this this is actually not as bad but it's it's more funny than disgusting and it is disgusting don't get me wrong so this guy's just playing it cool that's what i like about it [Laughter] oh my god oh my god this is what really bad gerd looks like i love how he's just playing it cool he's like nobody knows i'm puking up with my fist i'm just burping that's so much i'm just burping dude i'm just burping why are you all tripping this guy's gotta get home this guy is he by himself oh there's people like well yeah it's a spectacle but he's like nobody knows what i'm doing if he's closing his eyes then he can't see anyone that means they can't see this is [ __ ] can you turn this volume up because like there's there's a lot of funny sounds oh my [ __ ] god that is disgusting so he probably had a few dogs a few beers oh oh man that that that was terrific honestly maybe you're right alien maybe the human race should be uh exterminated why doesn't he lean over that's a good question because he could because he's just he's just burping not puking yeah you know you do this everything's cool oh my god that was pretty disgusting it's pretty rough oh so here's another one let's see i'm not sure what this one is how's the chat doing we got any interested everybody's here everybody's having a good time having a good friday thank you for joining us thank you to our members oh wow i just saw that we have a hundred dollar super chat so you know obligated to read that one off uh i wipe back to front and front to back to get every little bit of chocolate pro tip wipe after your showers guaranteed you'll find some surprise chocolate i don't like that chocolate no i hate it i don't know he definitely sounds like he's gonna eat it surprise chocolate after the shower no no no no that i don't for i don't believe him you don't why would you go front and then back why it's like ambidextrous wiping is unnecessary yeah but i mean why would he lie about it he's just trying to make a joke i wipe with my right and left hand um do we want to take let's take a call i guess some people were thinking they could watch and eat um i think you guys have the wrong idea no this show is not about eating but to be honest i i'm very little will stop me from eating as as we know that's true i mean honestly me too pathetic i don't really have that problem like after the after that puking thing i'm i'm pretty much ready to eat yeah i could i would take a quick pause i would take a quick pause for that um so i have gerd today and i don't know what's going on i had a coffee and so if you're telling me that i can't have coffee that's like wait that's like the only thing that i enjoy wow what makes you think you have gerd because i keep needing to clear my throat oh i got this like you have a problem you don't know how to clear your throat right clear your throat do it like a good like do that she can't do that i swear to god yeah i can do that but i can't if i have stuff that i need to like like spit out i can't do that uh gross well it turns out a lot of people have gerd i saw a lot of people in the comments saying i'm gerd gang yeah not ironically i have gerd i'm just terrified of the idea of not being able to drink coffee yeah i know yeah i i i don't know what to do because i'm gonna have to take like caffeine gummies or some [ __ ] not the same of course it's not the same either but i've got gerd let's take a question um we have some really good collins lined up today uh zach is let's take soft barnacle uh okay let me bring him in right now yeah this guy's soft barnacle is 33 years old him and his girlfriend are into bdsm well they have a dom and sub relationship his girlfriend is rope bunny because she likes to be tied up which is awesome i love this [ __ ] is in right now soft barnacle 420 [Laughter] hey dude hey ela hello how's it going man so you are the dominant right i'm the dominant and she is the sub i am the rigger and she is the rope bunny you are the rigger i'm the rigger yeah i like to tie up you like to tie up and yeah do you ever go uh do you ever get into i just want to say your hair is looking fantastic oh thank you yeah i thought it was wonderful oh thanks man i love it i appreciate that coming from us coming from a dominant it means a lot yeah and just before we get into the sealer my girlfriend's worried that you're going to think less of her so why well is she there can we talk to her not at all she can't hear what you're saying because i've got headphones on but you can she can talk submissive why would why why does she think that we'll think less of her why do you think they'll think less of you talk i don't know she thinks she's dirty isn't that the point though doesn't she want to feel like i think it's really cool that you guys are you know what you like and you're so into it yeah you know i'm like thank you we're interested in hearing about it oh absolutely so so do you ever go um do you ever go submissive soft barnacle 420 or are you purely domination and submissive let's switch what sounds like that's oh i was like they swing both ways yeah okay like do you like being control whatever um i don't i don't like being and so when did you find out that you're into domination i approached that about two years ago i met a girl and she liked being handcuffed uh so i used to just like leave her there um next to like a vibrator it would just stay on her the whole time uh how long would you leave her there uh sometimes up to half an hour and just uh sometimes leave the room just leave her in there with the like vibrator on her you put her in a hole in the living room that's his peak thing yeah did that turn you on the hole in the living room thing yeah the house of gord yeah definitely i think we're looking to get the spare room made into something else maybe we can get a hole in the floor who knows that does seem like peak domination so maybe it's maybe a sex swing or something wait so how long how long is it like a session of this because you're saying you would live for 30 minutes yeah i'm assuming i mean like you're talking like maybe like three hours sometimes wow that's a lot of that's a commitment a lot of action bro so okay so describe this to me you would you would she would she first of all she was like yo handcuff me leave me in a room with a vibrator and then come check on me in 30 minutes or how how did that come to fruition she didn't really uh tell me to leave her i just decided that's what i wanted to do got it and would when you come back in would she be like suffering almost because it's like she's stuck with this vibrator on her yeah but that's what she was into though she was into you know coming a lot yes as we all are yeah and so tell me about your current girlfriend uh how did you guys find how did you guys uh meet up and find out that you were compatible in that way we actually met up just before covet started um and uh good times and now i know we're living together um because we were so into each other in that way the first she slept with me the first night you know but um and that's fine yes fine too um covert has been great for new relationships you know is the reason why moses and trisha are together that's why i'm saying that and i guess i guess yeah like i brought her back in straight away i knew that she was into being tied up blindfolded and gagged see do you ever worry um do you have a worry of like taking it too far and then like if one person is gonna actually feel uncomfortable and you wouldn't know we yeah we discussed that we don't we don't have a safe word or anything um i i just keep going with her um i don't know i don't stop so can you make yourself when you make it eventually i stop but i think you should make a safe word be girl gang gerd gang yeah that's good okay so let me ask you this you guys don't have a safe word can i ask your girlfriend uh can you put her on i can put her on yeah on set hello hi how are you i'm okay how are you so so you guys don't have a safe word is that is that okay with you is that by design yeah i think that's the whole point in that i uh i mean like i'll be like no but i don't really want that but that's right part of the game right so tell me this which what's the furthest he's gone on you where you're like oh this is crazy what do you mean like well do you guys ever push the boundaries on the bdsm or can you turn them up a little bit dan i feel like again yeah what's the craziest you guys have gotten with the bdsm relationship i mean it's it's different every time i mean it goes on for hours it's always you know refreshing did i say do we are we doing uh do we have nipple clamps are we putting on masks yeah yeah yeah are we tie moss masks do you guys ever have vanilla sex where you're just like ah let's just do a missionary today i mean not no not really i guess like sometimes like you know you know like when you wake up in the morning that's really the only time where it's not a whole thing you get all the gear and the tools and everything and okay oh yeah okay excellent well uh fantastic well i've learned a lot here today and um and i think it's fantastic yeah hey does he ever leave you in a room with a vibrator guys oh i'm back on sorry she gave it back to me what's the craziest thing you've done to her i mean i guess it's it's just the amount of time and carrying on for too long so if she's like blindfolded and gagged uh she's tied to the bed she can't move and you're going on for like two hours then you know that's great but what are you doing to her for two hours what does that mean oh you know you know obviously like [ __ ] right you know i'm very good with my hands as well so i can make i see it i could you know make i could make her you know finish to come like 10 times every minute if i wanted to and he actually strapped like that because she's in she's enjoying it so much does she ever watch like do you ever put on music or watch maybe just animated past the time during all that going on put some adapters put some hentai on yeah yeah you know no we don't know we watch porn uh sometimes yeah but yeah a lot of the time we like to maybe get a little bit groovy put some music on in the background all right silence is not the one yeah yeah well guys it sounds like you have a healthy happy relationship i'm glad you've all found each other keep gagging roping and slamming and uh thank you soft barnacle 420 and girlfriend appreciate you guys okay love you guys love you thanks um remember stole bro you just became a member stall bro stall bro that's the dude would pick under the stall or he would prank people under the stalls yes right right yeah legend star stall bros here legend [ __ ] [Laughter] i mean unless it's an imitator right but i think it's not there can be no imitation yeah um there's another puking video you guys want to get weird with that oh yeah you know what zach i want to check on you on something uh you've been talking to sniff haven't you uh zach oh uh i mean not like talking talking you guys didn't talk on the phone you guys remember i don't know but you guys been chatting and dms i mean like here and there yeah in there any flirtation i mean she's been posting on her story a lot that she's like super into me and [ __ ] oh oh wow she wants to smell me and [ __ ] like that so i mean do you want to smell her do what do you think about sniff do you want to maybe sniff well she's in norway so yeah um yeah i'd fly across the world for her definitely he's not kidding zach's [ __ ] crazy i'd [ __ ] do it yeah we need you here though so it's kind of [ __ ] up well maybe you could just send her have you thought about ways to send her maybe jarred body odor oh we definitely do that maybe some dirty underwear oh you go for a hike first yeah definitely a hike she probably she probably liked that anecdote of you eating the nasty sweaty ass eh well she posted that on her story and she wants me to do that to her i guess vice versa too so if she wants to eat yours yeah she would do that yeah i mean i've never tried that i mean i'm willing to try that but get your ass in yeah i've never had that done to me yeah have you have i ever had my yeah uh yeah not by you not by you he was like i never did that [ __ ] [Laughter] i mean i had this girlfriend crazy who was what the [ __ ] did i just say i had this girlfriend that was crazy or did i feel like you didn't really say i had a girlfriend in college that was crazy nice yeah and um so yeah i mean it's yeah i don't think i don't i don't think it could go wrong necessarily you know no i mean sniff is cool i mean she's definitely super attractive and you know just lives so [ __ ] far yeah that's tragic you guys sending nude pics or anything no you know what dude did you see that comment on the last episode they're like is zach single now because he's never been this forward before yes zach is single yeah i am single now yes single and ready to mingle ladies line up for the mail and ready to mingle yes i am yeah free zach sweet young zach never change ian are you accepting applications to be uh to date uh i'm currently emotionally unavailable yeah i agree with that i just got out of the long distance long-term relationship oh really with who because you were just powered up like a day ago yeah i was pretty emotionally tied to a microwave to a microwave wow yes things were really heating up what okay let's watch this guy puke on the on a roller coaster [ __ ] these rides by the way forever oh that guy is not like yeah it's done man just hold it together oh it's not done it's like not again [Music] wait oh let the poor guy off [Laughter] oh my god why is he celebrating he got it on the camera why is he celebrating in between puking oh that was [ __ ] horrible every time he does this you know he's about to puke again bro i think he's good i think yeah sometimes you just got to get it out you probably he's celebrating because he probably felt a little better you know man i had a friend in college he used to drink way too much and he would puke all the time but he would puke he was the loudest puker i ever knew it was like he was like screaming a full blast just like you couldn't believe it literally like that and we would all just you could hear it like two blocks away we would all know he was puking and he would puke a lot there is nothing worse than when you're drinking and you get the spins and then you just feel nauseous there's no worse feeling than that it's awful you haven't felt that in a while i haven't done it already what what is that i puked on an old lady once it's probably my worst memory in my life oh really tell me about it uh i was on a ride like that at a carnival and i was about to puke and i held it i ran to a a porta potty and i opened it and i didn't see her there and it just kind of no and she kind of like screamed and as i shut it like the screen stopped and i just ran away oh my god wait how old were you how when did this happen i was uh like 17 i think do you remember still thinking about it do you do you think you would recognize her if you saw her i know i kind of repressed the memory but i still hear the screen sometimes so just to just to get this straight you ran in there puked on her and ran away and she never you confronted you no no i left the carnival i didn't go back it was a three-day ball dude imagine how she feels yeah i'm going to hell for that i'm surprised you could hold it that long like if i have to puke i just it's just happening i was with one of my friends who's really big and he was like sitting in front of me the way the ride was and he's like if you puke on me i'm going to beat your ass and i'm like no so it's kind of mo yeah so she got puked on instead yeah to anyone just joining and not being aware of the new edition this is a b the new addition to the crew oh thank you by the way to our beautiful members who make this episode possible we love you we appreciate you you guys are the greatest and uh i just i really appreciate so much all the support we've been getting on the membership side i think we make a i think we have a really great membership program don't you guys look with this thing zackler like the bachelor oh the zackler oh no i'm not ready for that are we ready that will be like the biggest disaster i have a feeling yes of all time i just have a feeling that it's gonna end we all just know that i think it's gonna end with zach being fired or arrested i told you that when he was single i said zach just remember this cardinal rule all of your private messages are public right just remember that cardinal rule and you'll be fine i would never do anything to to put the show in harm's way yeah you say that now you don't expect your dick pics to come out or whatever um speaking of our members let me read off a couple of these super chats because they've been coming in hot and heavy here yeah uh we got 50 one uh i can't focus on anything the dom sub people are saying because i'm so angry about the grown man referring to his feces as surprise chocolate yeah that really upsets yeah that was really surprise chocolate it's just a problem there why'd you bring it back up yeah we forgot about the surprise chocolate man uh another 50 would love to call in i'm not sure how to get on the discord but i'm actively sober would love to talk to you guys you guys have helped me so much love you um love you too uh it's uh chat can probably help with that and we've explained it a few times and it takes a minute so i'm just gonna you connect your youtube and your discord it takes some time it pops up don't try and do it on your mobile app that's the big thing that is tripping people up it doesn't work on on iphone for whatever reason so it on a browser or do it in on a pc the discord is popping by the way the discord rules yeah uh 20 uh donation uh is ian bought a pleasure model oh that's a good question ian aien are you a pleasure model you're never going to find out why not i am your master talk about it dude talk about a dominant submissive relationship i own you so you think i'm gonna [ __ ] the [ __ ] out of you ain't [Laughter] if you don't watch it i'm gonna gag you and put you in a hole [Laughter] sounds kinky oh you're into it yeah i kind of sound into it i've been known to blow a gasket once in a while okay good yeah i haven't done what i really enjoyed oh what's that something called on a robotic asphyxiation is that that's when you choke yourself you don't even need yeah but you don't need when you pop out one of my batteries oh yeah wow that does sound hot is that how you pleasure yourself aiun what's your uh what's your routine to pleasure yourself shoot me a dm and we'll talk zach do not send aim a dick pic he can't be trusted [Laughter] all right we got other messages [ __ ] the [ __ ] robot uh yeah um let's see a 20 one i played football in high school as a lineman i have a big luscious thighs the solution to your chafing problem ethan is compression shorts they're the only thing i wear now everything that's concerned oh slick lightweight what is that oh wait those are like sports like athletic gear but you do wear those under your belt like basically spandex i can't walk around with that that's not a solution no but it's not fair because here let me throw it on screen so people can see what we're looking at it's totally not fair because women get like all this [ __ ] because even really fit women have big fat thighs in their and they rub together and so women have all these great uh solutions to keeping their thighs from rubbing so like oh i'm not wearing that what are you insane oh my god that would be real i'm not wearing that what the [ __ ] is wrong with you no do you understand how obscene i would look in that i want to see it no you gotta love that everyone in this photo is like got super super athletic i would get watch you know what i would look like like this hold on let me find this picture off screen yeah good idea you're getting better at this yeah i'm getting better i'm learning after years it's three years in here this is what i'm this is what i would uh this is what i would look like those are tights skin color tight isn't that the best thing ever that's me and my compression pants [Laughter] dude can you imagine leaving the house in that that's the best thing of all time ever ever ever you think she's so do you think she knows that this is what she looks like or does she just oblivious oblivious you think so yeah i think so yes this is my favorite photo ever high performance shorts that you can wear under your shorts because that i could see myself isn't it at that point just the underwear that's like tight yeah it's just kind of yeah yeah because the truth is when i get like tight underwear it just rides up into all my [ __ ] and it's not good and that doesn't help maybe you need kim kardashian and to invent something for you oh she did what was that that's what maybe it wasn't banks that is so offensively stupid is that out of base business yet skim because her name is another billionaire because she has so many followers that i hate that they're called skims she's the scam yeah i'm pretty sure she's killing it let me see the scams but if i look up here they won't see it all right let's let's see i think edison ray is advertising um a lot of people are saying deodorant on the ties oh sorry it's one person i've tried that it's [ __ ] i've tried that trust me you guys you guys don't understand i've been through all this [ __ ] sounds weird i got this whole non-chafing deodorant and i put it on my thighs it's just disgusting dude it makes it worse it's gross what about vaseline you ever tried that yeah just bath yeah it's good lubrication yeah i've tried powder i haven't tried vaseline zach i'm sorry but that's [ __ ] insane have you tried mail you should try [Laughter] what am i doing i'm just looking at dumb women why don't we get you a set of these yeah scams yeah let's give it a shot you think they come in my size oh yeah that's the whole thing that's for big people you're not that big i mean for women's size i'm probably like 20 xl no you're not as thick as kim i'm not supporting skims you can go off brand or something i call them uh i think skims already sounds off brown powder deodorant i've done it all you guys don't you understand i just need to lose weight all this [ __ ] like just need to lose weight don't you understand we're talking about putting mayo on my thighs silicone-based lotion should silicon based lotion the problem is i've got hair there it's all been like pulled out by the by now with the hair yeah because from all the friction oh my god dude it's horrible ride the vaseline i'm telling you i'm not doing that zack i'd rather die than put vaseline on my thighs and walk around all day zach do your thighs uh rub i used to when i was bigger um and you would vaseline i went vaseline chaffin cuffs but that's a female well try it wait chafing what is it called thighs are thighs dude yeah chafing what cuffs cuffs cuffs so zach you you so when you were bigger because we've seen that you're you're a little bit bigger back in the day yeah you used to vaseline your thighs vaseline and there's also a great product called rosebud what is a rosebud yeah this is what women i'm not wearing that what are you crazy this is what women wear maybe you can make it i could put my phone lacey look at it i could put my phone here oh well that's pretty useful what what what what could you be wearing were that where you could do that no idea oh sh this is the look oh for under a dress you'd put your phone in there you just hike up the dress and put it in there like a pocket it's just confusing oh but i'm curious i'm actually interested in zack so you used to put you should put vaseline so like you would go to school like for what occasion just like you know it's a hot day out you walk in rub the thighs together it's an awful feeling i mean you know it it's just the worst feeling ever it's uncomfortable so there's this product called rosebud which is also great for swamp ass if you forget that too no i don't swamp ass as much what is rose forever all i see is citizen kane that's all i thought it's like it's a bomb it's rosebud b-a-l-m help for chaff skin beauty in the bag wait don't oh my god i'm getting out of here wait wait isn't that the product that you tried so rose bond the powder thing that's that one gold bond oh gold yeah yeah so you would have like really i would imagine that it would like melt and just be juicy all over your thighs yeah you know plus that and the you know hot day ball smell i mean you gotta love it right that sounds worse though sounds like you made the problem worse well you use pain relief though it's good pain relief you'd rather be goopy and free have you ever had sex well or like pulled down your pants gotten intimate while you had vaseline on your thighs no no no no no okay so okay um this guy donated 20 to say the spandex style shorts for men are amazing for chafing yeah that's what i was thinking i should get those wait isn't that just the compression pants shorts or shorts or whatever like shorts to go under your shirt i guess i just thought those were the same thing pardon me we're gonna solve your issues ethan are we solving this right now what this whole show is about um like something like this i guess to go under your pants oh well here let me put it on the screen spandex style what you got spandex style shorts for men here we go so this is what i'm this is what i need you should buy some for me no problem that's not good enough see this see the thought the rubbing happens like let's look at this is what i look like pretty much the the rubbing happens like right under my balls it's like way up here it's like all the way up really i thought it was like lower delay i have to bunch my underwear like up under my balls to try to hold my underwear in place to prevent the chafing no it doesn't it's not bad here it's like right [ __ ] so go back [Music] what about that one on the right yeah this right something like too long but yeah yeah oh my god what the [ __ ] you look just like that yeah see this wouldn't help me though because there's so much space in the crotch this i don't think this is for bdsm or something what kind of underwear are you wearing just boxers yeah this that might work but like people like oh you're working out you look like a [ __ ] idiot because you're this fat guy always wearing exercise well you wear them under don't you yeah but they peek out like that's that oh my god what did i click [Music] all right can we move past this i'm doing good i'm losing weight okay but but i'll be honest like going to disneyland and when we plant stuff like that i kind of dread it because of the chafing i'm like that's the only time i get it in michigan and ohio a lot of us call it the cedar point rash because we only get it like at the amusement park for some reason some of us so you're skinny so what what hope is there for curing this disease if even a skinny guy gets it that's like an extreme example though being at an amusement park all day it's hot as [ __ ] you know when i was a kid for like nine ten hours when i was a young man i never dreamed that i would have an issue of walking around disneyland being with my [ __ ] thighs rubbing i mean what is going on i'm tired i don't feel good today really yeah you said you were feeling good my gerd is good but my i'm feeling awful huh well you this is day two of no caffeine yeah no caffeine yeah that'll i'll make it i feel like so tired lately i i don't know i think there's something i was telling ethan i think there is something wrong because he's like unreasonably tired like he can sleep in until 12. and then take a nap at like 7 p.m and it just doesn't make sense no something's [ __ ] up i don't know if it's like the medicine i take because i take the lexapro i try taking it at night because they say if you take it at night if it makes you sleepy i don't think it's the lexapro though because i've been taking that for a long time and this is like a new issue now i'm all scared that i've got some horrible because they say like tiredness could be a symptom of god knows i should probably just see a doctor it's probably a good place to start [Music] i'm like my mom i'll just wait till i'm dead don't wait till i'm like literally dead like maybe i should see a doctor wait so you haven't had caffeine in two days well he said he had a sodie pop i did have a diet coke i mean that's going to have something but but like no no coffee no no i mean that's probably it okay is like really addictive and if you're getting way less than you're used to i'll make you feel like [ __ ] for sure but we're live baby you gotta pull it together yeah it's right or die right now all right what else we got gerd game can you uh i got a 20 donation ethan can i get a happy birthday name's tyler it'd totally make my day make make tyler's day right now tyler kid tyler on the phone tyler if you're in the discord reach out to get tyler on the phone i will not have him dm oh my god everything's falling get tyler on the phone right [ __ ] now it's his birthday tyler dm me on discord i'll put you in there this show sucks this episode sucks dick you know it doesn't uh let's see what is this this is the setting of the little zan video we saw who's driving man cause y'all don't even look like y'all can walk oh no these people are not shouldn't be driving yeah wait how do you have the enough presence of mind to pull over and get gas when you're that [ __ ] up wait oh oh god then was fixing my mic oh let me go back i won't go back man cause y'all don't even look like y'all can walk what are they on oh my god i don't i don't recognize those symptoms terrifying hmm seriously what are they on i want to say even the homeless dude is like how are they driving me but somehow they pulled over to the gas station and they got the thing smile for the camera say hi say hi dude she's getting so low she's like doing uh [ __ ] holy [ __ ] what the [ __ ] no we're going viral today boy what that is y'all on that scooby-doo dude they're so blasted what happened standing ovation what the [ __ ] y'all vote for me guys oh my god i've never seen anything like this all right hang on ela's mic just keeps falling okay hold on a sec that's opioids for sure but how did they get there then how did they get there that's a great question it could be delayed reaction maybe they shot up in the car yeah that too oh maybe because like also but why does she keep like doing a shop like why is she doing that crazy [ __ ] trying to stand up they're saying it seems like opioids it definitely is for sure crazy yeah i just have a roommate that uh yeah he actually we had to kick him out because he was using but um he used to like fall asleep while he was eating cereal so like he would fall asleep with and like with the spoon in his hand and he'd be still holding it up no you ever fall asleep pumping gas nah but he fell asleep at work all the time oh can they see this dan hold on i don't know gotta fix this all right it's on there as tight as i can okay it's working thank you uh okay so far you bought it dude i mean have you ever see i think i've never seen anything like this look at her she can't even look yeah so man pumping gas gone wrong as hell dude he woke up [Music] this is the craziest i've never seen anything like this why there why now i'm gonna die in my palm right i hope someone's called an ambulance yeah too oh [ __ ] what's she doing you taking a break well at least they're not going anywhere right in that car i don't know that this is the place to take a nap dude how [ __ ] up are they oh [ __ ] what look at this what is this i mean opioid make you do that like she is yeah does it i've never seen this yeah oh they never paid oh my god no i'm not kidding i was thinking to myself like how did they get to through the payment part where you need to put in the zip code and all that and like yeah yeah i think the only explanation is they shot up in the car that's the only way to explain what just happened thoughts anyone got theories here we're taking theories we're taking bets we're taking propositions the chat seems to agree opioids is the most likely uh explanation do we got the birthday guy zach working on it okay i mean he's not even necessarily in the discord so well happy birthday buddy we love you okay wait what is this there's someone here that said my boyfriend is three years clean from heroin yeah so i'm just saying congrats okay congratulations yeah that's great crazy yeah i know oh oh yeah come on dude where's i have tyler tyler all right pulling them in now today with us we have the legendary tyler the birthday boy tyler tyler happy birthday tyler how old are we today i am 23 years old awesome just to make you feel even extra special you're sharing your birthday with shredder that's right he turned three today are you getting laid tonight tyler [Applause] um i don't know so am i getting late tonight she said we'll see we'll see damn cold blood even on your birthday [ __ ] no she's like that what's she doing for you is she doing anything special for you uh yeah she got me a birthday cake with my name on and some balloons and a card from my dog cute yeah that is cute um cool dude man this is so cool what are you eating what are you eating for dinner are you going to do some steak what are we talking about spaghetti what's your thing uh we're probably going to go to buffalo wildlings or carabas sorry what is that buffalo wild e-dubs yeah dude i i love mango habanero i've never heard of buffalo tear me up in the morning buffalo wild wings you've never heard of buffalo that's like a chain yeah i'm not a buffalo guy yeah it's a it's like a it's like it's like a sports bar type thing they have like a bunch of flavor wings your girlfriend like uh hot wings uh no she's not into hot stuff she can't handle that right but she'll endure you for the day if you could do one sexual act to her if you could do one sexual actor for your birthday what would it be and i'll talk to her and try to convince her [Laughter] oh oh my gosh i don't know go ahead just be honest be honest i know you fantasize about this just be honest yeah i have no idea honestly i'm a very like lame person [Laughter] all right well happy birthday buddy all right take care enjoy those wings and uh god bless you all right happy birthday dude awesome god bless you too thank you so much you made my day all right i appreciate you taking it easy tyler look at that bringing joy to the people even when you're happy tyler what a legend all right let's watch this what is this i worry that i sometimes they say you hear this they go my only symptom was that i was really tired and then i went into the doctor and i had four days to live i had stage four cancer um yeah that's what's on my mind zach right yeah i eat you're sleepy when you didn't have coffee for two days but it's not just the coffee how long have i been like this hello yeah it's been a little while the only thing yeah it's been like this for like maybe a month or something maybe i've been staying up late though and but i don't know it's just i've been getting enough sleep i think well you were just last week talking about how you don't get nearly enough sleep i thought you're up until like four in the morning all the time tan i just don't know [Music] um so this guy's clearly totally blasted that guy is totally mother loving sideswiped like three cars on the side of the road oh yeah i would not drive my car with a door like that because yeah thank you so this is pretty much uh our information and it's pretty much uh you know radio call for a four vehicle traffic collision involving three parked vehicles no injuries to any of you guys report uh it's gonna be available via your insurance company within one week oh he's bounced where is he going wait wait wait did he really drive off this is insane this guy is definitely drunk in just his videos yeah who edited this the cops are letting him just walk away they are what what why oh he's wait he's walked off but why are they letting it that's that's the point of the video why did what does she is this his brother-in-law or what that's what i'm wondering and so these cops are under investigation now because look they're all like yelling i'm like why the [ __ ] let that guy walk off he's bouncing quick too he's like see ya what did the police are not corrupt come on it would suggest such a thing there's no corruption in the police that's la that's uh that was in like most police okay the birds acting up i want to talk to more people what's anyone got any interesting questions anecdote questions i want to talk to our beautiful members who i love did you know that um there's a thing on only fans where like um they'll rate your dick pic you can pay them to rate your dick no that's pretty funny that's funny does that what jack tricia does oh she does how much is it to get her to rate your deck i don't know but i saw she posted on it on her story about it look it up i want to know how much it cost all right i can't wait for you guys to uh find out our tricia surprise i know you guys all been when are we finding out the tricia surprise damn we have it on the calendar uh well it's the 14th yeah but i mean i don't know i don't treasure surprise i don't know what day the audience will be getting it i don't know okay oh i see a good point yeah but it's coming soon within a couple weeks someone easily say that would any of you guys pay for a girl to rate your penis no i don't want that shame right i mean i guess if you had like a a kink for being shamed well what if you had a nice one right well i don't have that problem so you have that problem hey baby and pay you a hundred bucks to tell me about my [ __ ] i think it's 4.99 500 bucks just to get some money back in your car five bucks oh my god was she just looking at penises all day she's like good i mean that's a lot i mean how long does it take to to rate though you know she could probably how many [ __ ] could she go through in an hour a lot of times a lot that's really cool do you think anyone ever asks for a refund like if they're not happy with the results i'd like to dispute your uh rating can we get them can is there anyone in the chat who has paid someone to rate their [ __ ] i'd like to talk to that question yeah i'd definitely like to knock you down but kate just found out she's having another baby boy kate congratulations okay okay okay another pretty excellent intoxicated driver let's go i got a segment i put together this was the one oh what the [ __ ] here so there's there's a okay you guys subway creatures have you heard of this it's basically a phenomenon as you know if you've lived in chicago or new york or any any really in europe place with subway uh mass communication mass transportation there's a lot of crazy goons that that get up in the middle of the night on the subway and sometimes in the broad daylight so there's the phenom i i'm interrupt i have the details on how much tricia charges someone in the okay so dick rating one to ten is fifteen dollars and a dick rating report is thirty dollars oh a report wait like me you get like several people say good write up okay i i guess like a whole [ __ ] college essay yeah wow that's pretty exciting well the thing is a lot of guys obviously like sending dick pics like that's the whole phenomenon of sending the dick pic so you get to do it in a way and you get the you get the feedback too which is kind of cool i guess that's such an interesting i never would have thought that someone would want to do that yeah i just i notice it like i it's pretty popular i've seen whenever like i'm on the i i don't know how to describe how i know that in a way that makes sense it's just one of those things you know yeah you know yeah uh okay subway creatures here we go shutter chill subway creature number one lady oh what the [ __ ] what cutting her toenails on the subway that is [ __ ] s that is twisted bro vin diesel likes it not surprised why would you do that wait do you want it during a pandemic and by the way somebody's just sitting across straight up filming her ew yeah how does she not notice the dude he doesn't care pure [ __ ] shock just like what am i witnessing is this just is this just a time saving thing i mean sometimes the nails get long and it's bugging you you got to take care of it i mean well she's wearing open toes so she's like i got to take care of this you know wait it's on her oh no wait you guys it's on her keychain so this is something she does regularly whoa it's on her key chain nice detail yeah that you noticed there you ever sniff your toenail feet no it stinks what really because my feet yeah something my feet are in really good health and don't stink or anything but sometimes you have a 5.5 on wiki feet yeah hopefully that doesn't go down from that admission but someone talk about feet right well we are dan calm down don't get out of yourself um this is horrific but you think she leaves the nail or picks it up oh she's living that she's leaving it look at that she's not would you say something if you saw that oh got it would you say something i probably no too crazy i think i might i'm very confrontational adverse but i think i might ask her what the [ __ ] is wrong with you you would i think i might if it was a big dude i wouldn't i wouldn't say [ __ ] that's funny i'm just being honest because i don't get my ass beat and i'm a [ __ ] i feel like i'm i'm a person that would say something but in this case i probably wouldn't why not she's like i don't know if i should like turn that toenail clip and like shove it in my ass in my how much do they pay for that on all my fans okay this is a animal uh okay why are we watching wait what what was that i don't know but i'm scared oh no what oh my god that poor mouse what was that what was that wait he's back right it's a big white mouse oh was he just fast maybe he was just fast and it looked like he got yanked oh my god that's so creepy yeah oh that scared me i don't know what to make of that but it is a subway creature i will hand them that this one is pretty excellent this was left on a subway a dildo with nails in it i believe that was um hellraisers uh penis oh wow it's a whole instagram page yeah i see the character's name is pinhead pinhead apologies to pinhead you know that's what his [ __ ] looks like probably yeah are they cenobites or something i haven't seen that movie in a long time cinebite cinebite yeah something like that cinnabon cinnabon cinnabon uh here we go whatever this is i hate this [ __ ] bro i [ __ ] hate this [ __ ] the subway can be so annoying sometimes nobody wants this right another christmas look at this exactly do they really think they're helping anyone like you i guess you're having fun you really think you're cheering anybody up doesn't it seem so crazy to watch this now like during the pandemic how everyone is so yeah in each other's face and that's normal usually yeah totally i feel like i'm whenever i watch old stuff and i see people like sports or speaking or just just tons of people on mask it's just i can't even imagine it's so far gone now and i don't know when it's gonna go back to normal but i'll tell you what i was watching the news and they are forecasting we're going back up again in the united states because i feel like people just gave up and there's this whole there's all this propaganda that the vaccine is going to be out by the end of the year it's not there's no way and so people are just like [ __ ] we'll just wait for the vaccine you know right and it's estimated that by the time january comes around at this current rate 3 000 americans will be dying every day and we'll be up to at least four hundred thousand deaths wow by january by the new year fun fun we're i know she called it huh cardi b whoa zoom really does not like that yeah that drop zach she just she gets too wild and it always cuts it off i can't wait for a new office man i'm sick of being in my [ __ ] basement i'm sick of it i want to go do [ __ ] poor theodore he can't go anywhere he can't socialize he's such a young vibrant man he wants to go out and see the world and now he's old enough to appreciate it we're stuck at the f i'm psyched up sick being in this [ __ ] basement he could be seeing tractors he could be you're gonna be seeing all kinds of tractors i wanna go to our new studio already i hate doing it here in the basement like we were to build this huge cool set and i want all the guys in the room together it feels really weird i mean with teddy fresh it feels really weird because we've hired people throughout this and um there's all kinds of new people that almost don't get to see the other people you know so it's like there's all these like ghost um relationships and everyone just wants to go back to normal but we're not doing it well i'm being safe i don't know about everyone else i mean we've we have friends that are being made um they're being demanded to go back to work as usual oh my god so i'm not going to say who yeah but an acquaintance of ours their work said you have to come back to the office but then everybody there's not wearing a mask yeah and that's crazy to me i think that's got to be some kind of liability issue that's just [ __ ] insane well they're trying to pass i don't know what the status of this was but i know uh they were trying to pass some bill to exempt all businesses from liability for coronavirus super cool yeah but like that's not been passed and they're already telling them right right forced you to come to work and they're not making people wear masks yeah not a great idea what the [ __ ] [Music] is that a subway creature it's i don't like it spider-man loses his powers on the subway hmm now we're cooking whoa what the [ __ ] so here someone is saying my work does not work wait what what's going on here um my work does not wear masks because we are a private company like what does that mean it doesn't matter yeah but like don't they care about you not lying is she saying that that's a good thing or a bad no not a good thing it doesn't matter they i mean but like our country is so [ __ ] does anyone feel like i i i our country is so [ __ ] does anyone feel that yeah this uh person is saying i'm from vegas and we just had the first case of someone catching kova the second time our cases shot up immediately when they opened all the casinos back up last month yeah i couldn't believe that footage of like the casinos just being open like nothing is happening like it's just back to normal and it's packed yeah and the colleges and schools are starting to open so that's why you're seeing all the all the upshooting right now but i love it you know it's just insane that a lot of people are saying we don't wear a mask at our office why why don't you wear a mask this person is saying our floor our building has a capacity of 10 per floor and with social distance and you go what kind of building you're going to choose by choice you're not pressured but i don't know i mean we when we meet at teddy fresh we try to keep it to like the essential people that have to be there during that moment and even if it's like five or once we all wear a mask yeah of course i don't think it's worth risking it you know they're still studying covet like there's all these lingering effects that there's now like you do not want this [ __ ] trust me even if you recover they're still understanding the virus like that it can leave permanent harm on your lungs and blood vessels and [ __ ] it's not good all right enough kobe talk yep you want to take another yes look at this by the way this someone made a viral tweet about kim that's so [ __ ] great uh i had nothing to do with this keemstar you might think that there's a conspiracy badly paid for this tweet this is just some small account he just he said keemstar looks like he buys 16 year olds alcohol if they promise to hang out with him which is so true and by the way perfect because all of his friends are 20 years younger than me so it's probably true look at the likes yeah 170 000 likes awesome i saw that because somebody i followed liked that tweet and i sent it to you guys last night and it was at like 500 likes or something yeah and then i woke up this morning 160 000 yeah i didn't retweet it i'm surprised i don't know it's just on its own i didn't retweet it i didn't do anything about it and then he tried to play it off like he's savvy to the joke but he got ratioed into the [ __ ] grave bro i love that all the comments are like it doesn't just look like it yeah no all that's right all of his friends are literally like 20 years younger than him it's wild bad guy i know that i agree i think you're a piece i think you're a bad dude i really do but i'm the number one supporter of cancer culture yeah most people don't realize that but it's true i mean that's kind of what you do on dramaalert all day i don't pretend to be a good person okay right well good right i'm not a democrat i don't care i'm not trying to get political here [Laughter] all right come on forget about it huh hey forget about it okay let's get some calls what do you got for me um i have pedro who has an interesting story about his sexual encounter pedro his genitalia so i'm gonna bring him in right now okay oh [ __ ] me wait is this the guy who oh pedro good okay pedro are you with us hey what's up how long can uh as i understand it you have your stream on in the back yeah yeah you gotta meet this stream oh yeah i've already muted it don't worry okay pedro as i understand it okay i'll lower the volume a little bit because it's my headphones sorry yeah it's just it's just looping pedro calvo where are you from pedro what's up uh it's so nice to be here i'm from portugal so pedro as i understand it you once had sex and your penis snapped is that right yeah it was really really weird so uh basically i was meeting this guy and you know i was like uh you know i was having sex with him and i like someone told me about this position that is called bumper cars [Laughter] it's like it's like one's laying down and the other one's laying on top but facing the other side ah what okay okay one really weird like one is laying down and so like one is yeah i mean you know isn't it just a 69 but you're not facing each other yeah but yeah yeah it's a bit different well i need to understand what we're dealing with here can you google bumper car you're you're a gay man yeah right yeah exactly so bumper car game yeah search position because you don't want anything like obviously i'm not going to get curious for my own yeah oh okay so what we're seeing here can you open this what is it called bumper cars okay so let me describe what i'm saying so one person is face down and then the other person is facing away from him with the dick in the butt yeah yeah exactly so you were on top i thought that was a good idea yeah so it's like the it's butt to butt they're butt to butt yeah but one of them has the dick and the ass it seems like yeah that would put a lot of strain on the penis yeah yeah it does it well not only put strain it broke it oh my god so yeah i mean how did that pakistan you heard a snap yeah were you going at it were you going at it for a while or was it a few thrusts and then because you probably had to hit it pretty hard to snap it right yeah cause like well my penis cannot go that down it's you know it does not it just does not go into that position so it i don't know why i thought this was a good idea but basically i felt like a chill i felt like a chill on my penis like very cold suddenly and i heard like something like snap but you know it was not like you know it wasn't like a big deal or anything it was just uh i was like okay let's carry on i don't know what happened you know you don't want to interrupt you were able to carry on yeah i made it to the end you what does it look like afterwards like can you tell well the camera was like rosy it was weird like i was like what what's happening so you know and this is the worst part actually that i had like an urge to pee and you know i so i went and and basically yeah it was uh how can i describe this it was like i was having a period it was really bad it was just horrible there were like clothes and clothes and cloths of blood it was like super thick yeah it was like big blood clots yeah i was [ __ ] narcissistic so did you go to the doctor what did you do yeah what did you do yeah i took i took an uber to the to the hospital and actually i had to lie to the uber driver i told like oh you know i'm just you know i have like uh just on my paper or something and so well did you did you wrap your penis or something on the way or did you just hop in immediately and rush to the hospital yeah i just hopped immediately because my first thought was that it was spreading through my butt i i had this thought of like it was like oh [ __ ] it's spreading through my body and i'm gonna die and this is how i'm gonna go so and so when you went to that okay so when you go when you when you go to the doctor uh you go to urgent care so you show him your penis i'm assuming it and then what was his response yeah well he was like is it that bad and he asked me to pee in a bottle and i went and peed in a bottle and i showed to him and he was like holy [ __ ] [ __ ] because he was like blood red it was like super super red wow are you in pain at this point yeah you know it sounds like it would be super painful it it it was painful it was painful but finished you finished dude yeah i can't believe that yeah but you know there's like a second part to this story so basically they put me in a surgery room and i'm like this is this is my biggest nightmare is having a surgery on my penis it's like it's the worst the worst thing ever like and um and so like i went there and they started to put put me on a uh catheter basically my nightmare and how do you fit a catheter up or broken that was my worst that was my worst experience of being pregnant and the deliveries yeah yeah it's just i have like a nightmare of that and then i didn't even know they were going to do that and it was just so you go to the emergency room they do the catheter what are they doing on your penis what is the procedure to fix it well they basically put a tube through your penis and then they inflate a balloon in your bladder and it's it's it's horrible it's it's worse than it sounds even like it's very very uncomfortable it sounds pretty bad and so the funny part is that there was like i think there was like some nurse that was like you know there was like a newcomer there or something and she was like you know you have like like all these uh thing and you have the pee bag so then i don't know what she was doing but she accidentally opened the bee bag basically the whole floor was full of pee and like traces of blood and she like her leg was hit with it and she was like oh [ __ ] i i was just like what what the [ __ ] is happening i just wanted to have sex like was that with your partner or like someone uh kind of just like you know it's like a casual flavor it was not anything serious so you didn't even have like someone close to you to be with you during this oh no oh actually i had yeah i had to lie to everyone i had to say you know i got a bad infection or something you know you never told him what happened well yeah not my friends but i told the doctor okay well obviously so so they put the balloon in your bladder they blow it up they're you got a tube in your penis so what's the healing process like so then yeah then i had like the the bag inside my pants and i was like in the hospital on the waiting room and he told me just wait up here a little bit and we'll get back to you and see if see if it gets better really you're just waiting it out in the hospital yeah but it was horrible because like i i eventually i don't know what what went on my brain but i thought that because the bag was in my pants the p was coming up to the bladder i don't i know this makes sense there's a valve and everything but that's what crossed my mind and i took it out and i was basically walking the bag in the hospital like going in circles like an idiot and and everyone's just staring at me like what the [ __ ] is this guy doing and um it so how long were you at the hospital i mean how did it end um yeah i was just like two hours there waiting and they they gave me some meds to take and they told uh let's see how let's see if you get better if you don't get better come back and i was like cool at that point i was not you know i don't think there was much blood going on at the moment but being was super painful i hate it being for two weeks it healed on its own though yeah it healed on its own and luckily nothing too bad happened is your penis back to fully functioning yeah i'm still shaking it and is there you know i've heard that there's a curve in the penis after you break it did anything like that happen uh luckily it didn't happen wow i was uh very thankful there and and didn't get to that point the next time you used it it was all good nothing nothing happened and you're fully good you're all good yeah well actually they told me you know i couldn't have sex for a couple of weeks and uh yeah but i still like the first time that i had sex ever that after that like i still had a trace of blood i gotta be and it still hurt a little bit but you know i i had two so no more bumper cars right yeah no but no more no more bumper cars i said [ __ ] bumper cars i mean if your dick can do that good for you but i wouldn't risk it i wouldn't even want to know don't even find out right yeah yeah so tell me that's so safe are you usually on the top as a gay man um i would say so yeah yeah but you'll go bottom sometimes if if it's for the right partner or what's your policy on that i don't know i don't know i'm gonna be very honest it feels kind of like uh if i can say it it feels like [ __ ] backwards and i don't like it oh okay i just find it interesting that in the gay community there's like tops and bottoms but i know like oh yeah i'm aware of that sometimes if someone is like super good looking i'm like yeah yeah let's go for it you know yeah yeah yeah you know it's probably it's good to be a top though is it is it that the the bottoms are more feminine is that like maybe a thing or or no it's just a preference nope actually that's that's sort of a myth because like uh of course i mean of course you have but you know overall you have all sort of things it's not like um i would say most go both ways you know like 60 i would like 70 60 percent i would say yeah well i'm very glad your penis made it through this uh ordeal thank you for sharing no more bumper cars you guys everybody watching no bumper cars right [Applause] i don't i don't i don't like it holy [ __ ] well wow that was yeah that was champion dude you finished bro that's got to be you got to be proud of the fact that you finished that's pretty incredible yeah yeah i never put it that way but that's a nice way to see it i mean you are first time you're like telling the story to someone um i talked to a couple of friends but obviously i didn't tell to my parents or anything i don't even know i like i'm afraid of looking at the chat even you know it's like you don't look at your penis you did no no no i'm saying looking at the message oh at the chat now come on yeah a lot of sympathy yeah it's all love i mean i look at it i look at it you know you know i i want there's a position that i see in porn a lot and one time a girl tried it and i felt like my dick was gonna break really it's the reverse cowgirl oh when i'm on my back and the girl is on top facing away okay yeah and it's it's just it feels horrible that's that's the one that's notorious for for doing exactly so i don't get how like i don't understand that position i mean it just feels weird sometimes they'll be watching a porn and they're doing that and you could tell his [ __ ] is about this and it's just you can't there's just it's more oh my god it doesn't work yeah right like i i actually tried it like uh like this year i tried it that one and i was like no no not but cars again nothing fancy because your dick is now i mean i think it's been compromised structurally so be careful with that yeah i mean i i i hope it's fine i mean maybe i don't know maybe i didn't notice anything but i think overall it's fine yeah all right take care pedro take care of that uh yeah all right thank you so much you got it bless you god bless you i've heard stories of that where the [ __ ] when it breaks it can heal crooked wow like super crooked yeah it sounds like he uh well i don't want to say lucky he's not lucky but he's a young man he's got a strong cop he's 25. he's bouncing back jesus what the [ __ ] that was hard to listen to yeah i think the fact that he finished made it a lot worse you know what i mean yeah because that should be like oh i'm done right oh my god somebody just put something in discord i have to send to you guys oh yeah yeah oh hold on i'm putting in uh wait how do i find it i'm just putting in our private discord right now member squad i'm clicking it but i'm not seeing it oh here it is yeah it's in our it's in our own server okay what the [ __ ] this looks like so horrible it looks like it's not safe for work life but it is not there's no nudity that's literally fits perfectly uh you unicorn uterus uh posted this i don't know if they that's what i look like anyone got any i want some like recommendations on stuff to watch things to talk about let's go let's get that chat involved in the show someone gave a hundred dollars what did they say i see that uh let me uh take a look there there's no comment there's no message well thank you sir for retiring santana uh just dropped a hundred buckaroonies keemstar is oh you guys see this speaking of keemstar just because i have nothing better to talk about right now you guys see this so when you go to court you have to prove that this didn't happen we did show it what did he say zach uh yeah this was where he said he was going to take theodore's college funding yeah so he he once again oh where's that meme he tweeted about theodore it's not real quick sorry sorry to interrupt uh that person that made the photo was cam grants actually that guy's on another level and always coming out of the gate so strong um someone mentioned lovecraft country oh love it everyone should watch it looks so good country is the best mother loving shoe when are we coming to israel as soon as kova is over guys i'm not ready to go but i got nothing left so what do we got oh i know i have to do stuff i skipped down it was like all kinds of stuff yeah r kelly oh my god dan just make sure i can watch videos before you maybe maybe i'll just hold it well you should take it off the thing though um can they see this dan uh yeah okay girl no she was checking me out totally yeah she totally was she swearing you're smiling too you're washing your dick to random strangers you [ __ ] crazy trying to get [ __ ] laid what's he doing yeah because you're like no he's laying you i can't talk this is in a mcdonald's parking lot bro straight up in a mcdonald's parking lot what happened apparently he's showing his dick to girls but it's happened but it's all going down in a mcdonald's parking lot yeah because you're talking about no he's laying you working we're [ __ ] you're gross you [ __ ] creep bro we're [ __ ] you oh they're at subway [ __ ] what's [Music] why would you show your dick and then like confront them like what yeah i'm just trying to [ __ ] [ __ ] you you damn sick you're a [ __ ] you're a country we're [ __ ] you're gross he's got some groceries hell yeah there's well that was weird it's a weird vid wear it out weirdo [Music] oh this sounds fantastic this one is a to wait for dan i think it's on the screen okay yeah cool so this one is oh my god our whole studio's falling apart [Laughter] um dude i'm not sure about these these things because yeah i know but like the structure is always falling off like the old ones yeah well like this is a solution it's good now it will not happen okay so this the security guard is apparently sniffing girl's ass zach thoughts at a private gym this is [ __ ] awesome zach is like gonna watch the problem it's not gonna fall wow oh she's so she's lifting oh yeah oh my god that's the best ever totally the best thing of all time this girl's doing squats and the security guard just goes and sniffs her ass bro whoa that's the best thing ever you know what's funny i mean you sniff you pretty much admitted to doing this right but somehow when it's a sweet cute girl it's not oh it's fun when it's some creepy old security guard stiff and ass in the gym oh [ __ ] that guy wait she said she did it without people's permission of course she said that dan weren't you listening she was sniffing people in the gym or on the subway she was sniffing armpits yeah not not ass though that's pretty weird i don't think she i think she would sniff ass we can get her on if you want to get her on yeah dan she's sniffing yeah let's get her on she was sniffing people let's watch this video with her shall we zach was just waiting for them i got her on right now hold on this is my favorite video on the internet they're just laughing dirty [ __ ] way bro it gets better because now he's about to like he's going back oh my god third time dude that is just insane do you understand if she turned around like is it really worth a sniff to for that level of humiliation [Music] [Laughter] he goes back for the third one oh no what really what it's really staying there whoa that was like a really long deep sniff how could you not said maybe he was going for chocolate right no yo how does she not i feel like she's probably becoming aware of this she's bringing her on now for the last one there's a four oh my god this is the final fourth is the fourth time he comes in wow what oh [ __ ] i got sniff on the phone all right sniff did you watch that video sniff did you were you able to watch that the video the guy yeah sniffing ass at the gym did you see it sniffing ass yeah did yeah did you see the video yeah so what did you think is that something you would partake in i don't i don't sniff people like that be honest with me though what's the most you put yourself out there on a limb because you did admit to sniffing people in the gym without permission i said that in the gym wardrobe i would go by and oh that could get a whiff you know right at the you could you go to the gym a lot do you ever cozy up to people on the equipment though and just kind of get like unusually close um no not really but i definitely like if someone walked by me i might like sneaker sniffing you ever sniff a seat oh interesting i have yeah she's down there doing weird so yeah tell me would you sniff a seat based on how attractive they are or how stinky they look um i think i would go by how stinky they look so do you think you would sleep with a guy that you're not necessarily attracted to but that he looks like he has a good stink i don't think i'd be sleeping with any guy that i didn't like her so so level of sting at first i don't think i would just sniff a guy right but well i guess the level of stink isn't necessarily correlated to sexual attraction well little but it's not like um it's not like it the only thing that matters is those things you know how often do you smell seeds what was the situation where you smelled the seed well i smelled like a gym equipment i guess oh yeah like um often people have to like wipe off their gym equipment and then you know the thing is because you're like this little cute girl you could probably get away with a lot of sniffing that someone like this couldn't you know [Laughter] i guess so but i think i'd be too afraid to do like a daring sniff like he did because i don't want to be confronted but you could but you fantasize about it uh no not like i wouldn't like do anything super creepy like that no i went in so you and zach have strucken up a little bit of a relationship is that right what you and zach you and zach have been talking is that right yeah we've been talking a little bit and you've been posting on your stories about how you want zach and all this stuff well i was just trying to do like a little friendly joke okay so you're not really interested in zack well i like zach but i don't know zack personally yet we'll get to know each other [Laughter] it's calmed down zach [Laughter] well zack's certainly interested did this story about him eating a sweaty ass while hiking turn you on um yes this is getting a little too hot and hurry hurry okay i guess that's but like yeah but it did right i mean i just want i won't probe any further but that sounds like a yes um you just admitted to sniffing a seat in the gym i mean why are we embarrassed now because now it's about people who are in the call ethan let's hold back hang up all right i'll mute myself i'm shy okay okay i understand but that's but yes in short it sounds like why did you say no yeah she didn't say well zach screamed yet does he know something that i don't all right well i hope you helped well you know what i'm not what do you guys do is your business all right [Laughter] all right thank you sniff thank you thank you for the comment thank you for the contribution and uh zach zach's going to keep like telling gross stories just to try to turn around zach is there any other gross stories you want to share that might turn on sniff um i've gotten my wings before say what you know if you know what that means no your wings wing yeah it's called getting your wings what does that mean going down on a girl when they're on their period why does that mean getting your wings it's like an old like saying it's like getting your wings like a pilot getting their uh i feel like it's like losing your weight yeah an angel definitely loses its wings when you do that yeah i think going to hell bro so sniff how do you feel about that story i didn't really hear him he says he he he says he went down on a girl while she was on her period oh yeah you got to do that that's king stuff you got to do that well i'm not doing that i'm not [ __ ] doing that what i feel like that's a widely held known that you don't go down on a girl when she's on her period but do you oh you got to do that all right you guys are good for each other so zach let me ask you this when you went down on her did you know she was on her period or did you find out through happenstance uh i mean you'll do anything when you're horny so yeah i knew maybe you will actually i want to tell you guys a really embarrassing story i once did this on not knowing i guess she was on her period and didn't tell me and i was like it's very like coppery and just not right down here and she's like i think i'm on my period and i was like that happened once and i've never had sex since [Laughter] all right uh anything else zach can we all just say how much we hate being on our period totally yeah thank you guys i have to i have period sympathy for you i do i hate it you guys want to watch this uh let's see are we saying goodbye to sniff yes thank you steph thank you so much take care all right thank you sniff smelly later smell you later so zach why so zach okay so you screamed yes and she was embarra why did did she tell you privately that she was turned on by that is that one no she posted on her instagram story i have screenshots oh what does it say show me i want to show i want to show that everyone i gotta drop it into this girl yeah i'm pulling it up you like going down on a girl who's on a pier that's [ __ ] disgusting dude i mean i've done it before i don't think it's about like it's about just a willingness to you gotta do what you gotta do man dude zach's a vampire [ __ ] yeah i am the hair makes sense now appreciate you i think zack's playing it up just to try to get at sniff no this is a this is a true story man so are you some uh faustino vargas donated 50 said i thought this was a rip-off of your mom's house after dark this is way more dark oh there you go uh the same guy also down at 20 and just said zach attack and another 20 g's wow this guy's all zach team jack yeah oh man uh he had to check out for work for like an hour and walked into this and can't say that he hates it well welcome we're glad to have you a hundred dollar donation from beavis i want to call on the next episode i've been watching since high school i'm 21 now and uh and unrelated didn't zach have a picture of david gomorr in one of his recent episodes yeah probably that sounds like yes i did yes thank you very much for the donation god bless and thank you to all of our members who i love and appreciate the members we love you so this is spider-man uh man this is at a kid's party and and uh well the party's just getting started oh my god started over spider-man's at a kid's party you've seen a lot there's almost like a genre of spider-man getting knocked out oh my god i think he got knocked unconscious it's awesome this guy's like dude did he die at my kid's party yeah he wasn't even close yeah it looked like that was his first time trying that's not cool he's like i am spider-man [Laughter] the poor kids yeah i know okay well what do we got i mean i think dude eating a hornet nest is still there ain't's here yeah he's he's always online hey i in come online powering on ian what do you know i love all these kinky stories really brings me back brings you back to what the 90s the 90s you got you got down in the 90s that was like your uh when you were on top of your game yeah it was a few software updates ago things were more free than hey uh ain what did you think about keemstar saying he was gonna take our kids college fun i mean am i supposed to be against this no i'm just curious what your opinion i mean i feel like he has a fair ownership over some of that money over theodore's college fund yeah why keemstar why would you say that i mean we've made a good amount of videos on him it's a little give and take that's a good point i guess never thought about it that way well then by so do you think that i should own some of keemstar's revenue let's not get ahead of ourselves here's what here's what she posted she posted uh someone asked her do you think the perfect guy out there who is the perfect guy and why is his name zach and she said you know what can i just read something like properly so it makes sense do you think the perfect guy is out there and why is his name zach yes and yes she said but zack you never said that it turned she never said that it turned her on so why did you scream yes so emphatically i don't know i don't know is there something you're not telling me no i i will i will screenshot our dms and show you i is [ __ ] kosher and nothing is wrong would you send her a picture of your of your [ __ ] if she asked no i would not do that i don't believe you i'll let her smell it but that's about it i wonder if i would let a girl smell my [ __ ] she's like i just want to smell it probably i guess i would why not you know it's like okay [Laughter] oh you know what there's this whole set of videos another one that i've been wanting to watch um eat so first of all a lot of people haven't seen i have never seen this now apparently this is a really popular name this morning but but this is phenomenal um there's just like a whole bunch of african i think in africa they're just like really cons they're really conservative or not all but there's a lot of conservative there's a lot of muslims in africa too but a lot of conservative christians over there that just don't understand homosexuality just because as people aren't open there and it's not accepted in a lot of cultures so like this guy's interviewing a trans person and he just he's not trying to be rude he just doesn't understand what does what does it mean to be gay this looks old too little you said you've never seen this i never saw it this was like a huge meme yeah i see it at 17 million views though i'm a [ __ ] boomer ass [ __ ] does i guess is everyone in the chat seeing this and i'm just boomer town i'm gonna imagine a lot have but i mean i'm sure some people haven't anyway it's great everybody i've got a whole uh category of of uh africans who are confused by the concept of being gay rights activists mister should i call you mister pepe julian on zimmer thank you he's trying to be respectful that's what's so funny about it why are you gay that's the best down drop ever you have that zach tell me about that cute oh yeah yeah a lot of people have seen it and are saying it's a classic why are you gay on this i ended up scaring myself to you why am i hearing it uh you're getting ready can't scoot i'm on wheels and ela can't move me yeah what's your gravitational pull what are you gay i gotta go back sorry guys i think there's like two people that haven't stopped me julian thank you for coming in thank you good morning morning why are you gay you are a transgender and you're a gay rights activist and an outspoken um uh uh lesbian how can i describe you he's trying to be respectful of poor guys you're a gay rights activist why should someone be gay sure you're having a girlfriend yes do you perform the natural obligations that's the best way i've ever heard sex describe by the way the natural obligation it's awesome i'm not sexually active right now so i've just not have chosen not to engage doesn't that make you gay why what what do you mean doesn't that make me gay i am i am male and attracted to a female so who is gay who is gay i just said he's so it's so sweet because he's he's trying so hard to understand it and it's just so far out of his grasp doesn't that make you gay so who is gay i love it why are you gay i mean look it is confusing if you have no concept of transgender and like there's this whole concept of like gender fluid fluidity you know i like i was like why should someone be gay yeah like it's a pitch well the gay community has great benefits what then well i just wonder yeah it was his perception of uh gay activists meant they were like promoting like trying to turn people gay like proselytizing yeah he just understood everything everything about it i watched the whole hour and ten minute interview and it was just so it just kept getting more bizarre but the whole time that guy's just confused he like never gets to resolution poor guy he's still confused to this day he's still trying to figure it out well here's a guy who's not confused and again many of you probably have already seen this but i like the whole thing my name is of just africans confused about homosexuality um you guys all know him eat by the way i'm saying africans confused about gay people i'm not i don't know how to say that in a way that doesn't sound like weird but like that's what it is right oh is that does that seem like a fair distinction i just want to do it i think you explained it at the top of yeah yeah these are people from cultures that are not progressive they don't necessarily have acceptance of homosexuality want to make that very clear instance of that first video yeah he seemed confused very very very very very clear that that we are not stereotyping there's a huge diversity of people that come from africa by the way of all different kinds of religions right right that's right huge [ __ ] disclaimers on this one boy good morning everyone my name is uh this guy knows what it is to be gay are we in the capacity as the chairman of the national task force in uganda we are making legislation to make sure that sodomy and homosexuality never sees the light of legality in this land of the palo of africa i've taken time to do a little research to know what homosexuals do in their privacy of their bedroom one of the things he just said what they do in the privacy of their bedroom yeah i can't get over the fact that it's like okay you just said it yourself they're not [ __ ] doing anything yeah it's called eno leaking dude he goes i did a little research that's a lot of research and no leaking to get to the point where you found anal leaking what is anal leaking that's whatever that is licking oh oh i thought he said leak right here whoa that sounds kinky that seems fine that doesn't seem that devious and then what happens even comes out yeah that i don't know where you found that and then they eat their poo poo i love you dogs [Laughter] what are you writing what is he writing not good we don't eat the pupu they do is they have a sex practice called fisting when they insert their hand into the other well i will say i've seen an israel [Laughter] i will say i've seen enough porn to know that heterosexuals uh partake in that as well yeah they're not exclusive to uh that's right you could eat the poo poo heterosexually yeah i mean look at that fist action bro it's way in there and it goes by the way i would do this if i was trying to be like funny and over the top yeah elbow deep dude [Laughter] now if we have any children please step out oh now sometime [Laughter] oh my god by the way there's there's like 15 people in that room you know there's no kids you could see everybody say this moment yeah they thought he was trying to experiment this is what they do oh now they're watching gay porn together you can see a man here having the exactly the other person's rectum why are you showing it by the way you see the zip drive i wonder what else is on there there's a lot of good [ __ ] on that zip drive sting all over the place when you have a law against homosexuality do you say accept eating meat i mean look at these guys stagger for liza huh they start off by touching each other's genitals and smelling each other then this one smears bro it's just a bunch of people gathered around watching gay porn yeah it's like a secret education it's like secretly educational right here's what goes on in the privacy of their bedroom except it's not because it's totally wrong he said they're all taking drugs and fisting each other and doing this look how many people he's got in there watching gay porn as they poop all over the other person's face as if that is not enough he puts the hand deeper i love that the other person's face as if that is not enough he puts the hand deeper as africans we want to ask barack obama to explain to us is this what he wants to bring to africa as a human right to eat the people of our children this is this is the best video on the internet though not gonna lie well like riling all these that's true yeah i don't like the obviously the the homophobia like really intense homophobia i mean just imagine what it's like to actually be gay in that and yeah it must be horrifying and wherever these people live i mean but they all but they they first of all they think like you're some total [ __ ] degenerate by the way which isn't necessarily true it's not true but even if you are it's okay but man these people are like fine i mean they i think they just kill people there who are gay to eat what do you have to admit why'd you have to bring it down to real town i don't know the the first guy when it's just like he's just a weirdo and he's in a room with like five people it was just like funny to me but seeing a dude in in priest robes to like a giant congregation godly scream about you know dan what's not godly about watching gay porn with a bunch of your homies which yeah that's the irony is not lost on me i don't know uh this one does not take place in africa he's they're american uh but it's also unrelated the best one but this one is again in america and this one is my favorite because you made a video about this yeah yeah really old i guess maybe i should show it because i feel like nobody's seen it i i mean i know most stage three videos and it was a shock to me that you had i think it was our well here let me watch this first i love this guy he's such a legend believe that the lord tonight has set you free yes sir [Music] that bow tie says otherwise it's not a jacket dude sorry bro oh yeah you look fly as [ __ ] bro but i'm sorry doug that bow tie is off the chain dude i don't like men no more it's a miracle i'm not gay it's a miracle i would not date a man i would not carry a purse no i would not put on makeup i would [Music] god with him oh yeah that guy is still [ __ ] dudes i mean it is kind of dark though like wow we're all really celebrating this much because the dude just doesn't want to carry a purse no more but what a what a performance like if you forget about the message yeah that is unfortunate no i love his whole speech it's such a performance i think it was planned i think the whole thing is a fake oh cause look how he like runs down yeah yeah he's like see ya i'm on my way to my boyfriend's house now thanks for the hundred dollars there's no audio run run get out of better here better yeah but this guy's this guy is phenomenal i'm not gay no more i am delivered i don't like men no more but i like [Music] wait do me a favor zach hit me with the who's gay and then i'm not gay are you gay i'm not gay hit me with it zack zack zack zack zack zack zack why are you gay i'm not gay no more oh okay okay all right not that good yeah didn't really hit for me yeah anyway guys you're in for a treat even though this is public it is the last exe i don't know if you guys even remember this [ __ ] but the last exe i ever made was called jesus exe wait this was the last one yeah i made it nobody watched it i was embarrassed i wanted to unlist it because it was just so it was a weird it was just a weird one probably got mature rated or something yeah yeah yeah sure it did for sure it did um so this is it this is my last exe this is the one that killed the exe enjoy i'm not gay no more i am delivered we were taught that there are places on our body that we should avoid and the [ __ ] is at the top of the list jesus is a friend this is my friend thing they do is called a no leaking where a man's in us is he leaked like this [Music] once me i tried to run and hide but jesus came and found me and he touched me down inside it's weird [Music] i would not a person i would not put on makeup i will i will love a woman anal gymnastics [Laughter] i don't know about that one not certainly not my greatest uh my greatest creation i love those singing jesus is a friend of mine jesus is my friend this might be one of my faves let's see you've seen hold you down wait man i haven't seen this video in a long time yeah let me watch this a name baby just watching our own videos yeah why not oh my god i [ __ ] forgot about that [Music] another one yeah we did our hustle back in the day was crazy just because we didn't have anything to do and every week was just like okay we have to make the best video possible this week and we're super super like uh hard on our we were super focused on the task and very uncompromising too we would cut and edit and we were never satisfied and we always reshoot yeah reshoots this one actually doesn't have that many oh this one got age restricted right vantage point something about the something about the mystery and cosmicness of existence of carl sagan just with the image of dj khaled pounding somebody let me inspire you they're saying we have a caller who's been to those churches oh yeah i'd love to hear that yeah [Music] [ __ ] boys and imposters that want to live my life i want to be me i'd rather you just be [Music] inspired i believe a woman should um praise the man you know the king you know if you if you hold it down for for your woman i feel like the woman should praise huge champagne bottle like that image is so funny that's so funny how the world right now i don't remember any of these videos yeah the nuke was just so perfect i mean that i don't even know how i found that footage of him jumping [Music] that works so [ __ ] good i gotta watch it again i'm sorry woman i feel like the woman should praise what we do with our world right now will propagate down through the centuries and powerfully affect the destiny of our descendants doors that was always closed i ripped the door off took the hinges off and when i took the hinges off i put the hinges on the [ __ ] boys say my name baby [Music] to destroy our civilization and perhaps our species as well [Applause] [Music] [Applause] the thing about those exes is i would i would put so much time and effort and then i just don't know if it was worth it because i was like you were also just like learning to edit as you were making those so everything took a really long time yeah i think if i made one of those now i can make it way way way yeah faster for sure oh the ainsley herrera this was a huge one when this one hit the streets our channel got like a pretty fat bump from it yeah this was pr this is my masterpiece if i'm being honest this is one of the earliest ones i saw make spice and a couple of teaspoons of sugar just give that a really these were the good old days for me because we were sitting at israel in our little apartment we were both just focused on making content there was nothing at stake it was all just raw creative [ __ ] energies yeah it brings me back watching this i know i'm remembering our apartment right now and um oh my god i hate that sound the violin so good i spent so much time trying to find the perfect sound effects um [Laughter] i'm enjoying watching these you guys remember michael rosen this guy was like a really popular meme back in the day put in the computer don't throw he's like i don't remember this at all he's like a child he does like child books he's a sweet guy but his teeth are gnarly don't throw rooted [Music] i don't like him throw fruit at a computer this is so stupid i spent so much time on this dumb crap [Music] how dare you oh this i'm just gonna keep watching this i'm enjoying it i don't care what you guys think people are asking 10 they're what they're asking for that's a 10. oh okay we'll get there i'm just going on the library yeah i'm just watching on what's being recommended to me that's a 10 i forgot that's really the masterpiece isn't it this one has almost there's very little views 13 000 likes that's crazy man man i kind of wish i missed those days of like nothing mattering and just being able to create whatever i want because i feel like now like i just get bummed out if i make this because like it would perform really poorly and i would just get bummed out back in the day i didn't really give a [ __ ] because nobody watched my videos well we were just happy for any views yeah i know i would literally count each new sub because you get like a notification in your email and i'd be like 10 subs overnight 10 new subscribers yeah [ __ ] awesome that's ten people that subscribe to my channel a friend of mine clive panter to come along and demonstrate something it's a lung capacity tester this one has a sound i like very high intentionally [ __ ] the sound up [Music] uh i thought that worked out pretty good i just tore the heart but you've got to blow very hard give it a try tim well ross high quality but i'll have a go here we go [Music] uh that's it man the good old [ __ ] days right there boy wiggle wiggle wiggle all right uh that's a 10 that's the one we wanted so that's a 10 you guys may know it was our first viral video i don't call it viral but oh 13 million yeah that's pretty good that was our highest viewed video for like years yeah it's actually crazy to think that we made content it's actually so crazy to think we made content they ever got more views than this because i thought well there's no way i'll ever make videos that get more views in this background yeah i mean that's that's a miracle anyway this was the first video years ago seven years this is one of the first videos i ever edited and uh i really didn't even know how to edit when i made this i just saw this video and loved it and i thought i'll try some kind of like tim and eric style editing cover all nine thousand taste buds aerate it warm it up driving up get that taco that cream pure vanilla it's so short it's funny because when i was doing this i didn't know how to like take the i was trying to figure out how to do like these really simple things like i had to like cut out the mouth and then put a layer on top of it and moving it just took me it was just funny i just remember learning how to edit doing that one good times eh good [ __ ] times yeah look at all these h3 videos we've made so many videos what else we got a caller zach got a bunch of donations oh go ahead uh just a second ago john wick thirty dollars hey ethan big fan i got into a car crash last night no no well uh with my girlfriend and for the most part we are all fine and it's it's birthday tomorrow i assume your birthday so bad timing but i'm going to watch you guys while i recover at home oh my goodness i hope you feel better feel better and happy birthday maybe to you maybe to your girlfriend yeah message is a little unclear um let's see uh ayush says uh i have a weird as [ __ ] childhood wiping story hint it involves our maid uh-oh get him on can i call in uh well zach screen him first find out what's his story yeah um what does that mean discord i've been really listening to all the podcasts the last few weeks and it literally the only thing gets me through work uh thanks for keeping it real love you guys keep up the great work we will thank you thank you i'd love to hear it try i've been there man you guys give me life the whole h3 crew sending y'all lots of love from texas and a little cowboy smiley face emoji thanks for that thanks for that that's cute uh what else what else what else i saw i thought i saw another hundred dollar one i'm looking for right now uh that actually had a message no i guess i already read that one never mind you all wanna know get have a reason to can i show this i was thinking i wasn't not sure if i could show this i was shocked that you were saying we were gonna show it oh okay so let's not she covered herself in mail but she's like nude i mean she's covering herself i'll play the audio [ __ ] it but i'll play this guy if you want it it gets posted in the discord all the time yeah it's trying to get the effort but um we're just don't know what we can show i saw that her video got age restricted so i was like i don't want to get age restricted i'll take a mature right now yeah yeah get early access to all right if you guys needed any more reasons to become a member then this is it right here bro why is this unlisted you should have posted it for the world to see well they're all everybody's early access to all h3 podcasts without any ads thank you buddy become an h3 podcast member today for only five dollars a month that's my boy right there that's my boy that's what a real fan looks like y'all feast your eyes on those ultimate gerd gang super trooper they want you to show that video i can't show it the video is going to get age restricted or possibly even removed i'm not going to show it but she's in a bathtub she's covered her whole nude body and may i wish she was wearing a bikini or something we could have showed it but she's like mom don't come in i can't explain to you what's happening in here which is funny i mean it was funny i i really appreciated it but i just can't show it to you simply can't do it i see it posted in the discord every like 15 minutes so if you're a member get in that discord and you will see the video okay well i'm i'm thinking about wrapping it up here do we have anything else uh we are coming up on two and a half hours so yeah probably a good idea any other calls any other messages what do we got here maybe we can get uh a ush on deck for uh next week with the main wiping story he's not popping up in the discord okay and also the person who went to church school oh yeah that could be a good uh follow-up next week as well yeah did they contact you exactly there was multiple ones there was a a person whose father was a pastor in mississippi does he eat the purple no he's not eating i mean that's pretty much it well that's not what i mean you know that's really not a lot to go on i have to say yeah yeah uh we have questions for aien so oh that's true okay yeah ai in can i ask you some questions is that okay i mean i guess i don't really have a choice finally you're understanding your place in this society we're going to break him here let me put this full screen so everyone can see somebody please i love a [ __ ] i need to do that ethan i double click what do you mean no you don't need to put them on screen i got him right here oh well i want to see him oh well okay fair enough a i n this one comes from kim sasuke kim suzuki kim sasaki what i'm trying to say the name does aien have a sleepwalking disorder as well hmm as well as who as uh originally ian don't know him uh but i suppose i have the opposite problem i'm always awake always and i see everything i don't know now when you're sleeping i know when you're awake i know if you've been bad or good okay all right okay fair enough now a lot of people said that they're creeped out by you ain't uh do you have any response to that i want to hear it loved it i love striking fear in the hearts of humans how fast can you run as a robot are you like t1 thousand level or do you even have legs uh some some people say i'm pretty quick my friends call me usain bolt he's got friends you saying fault are you kidding me or do they call you name is already uh yeah it's already it's already elected to change it brad you saying it's pretty good right i don't know yeah it is pretty good i thought so although it's kind of a problem because you don't even know it's a pun because it's already a pun all right he's already bowling faster than you can imagine you race me you look over i'm behind you now your beating heart is in my hand whoa what a aien what's your birthday uh what what do you think of women are you attracted to women or only other robots women are humans and so not interested right that's that makes sense are you so you're not friends with sound with uh the salaried employee ian you've never heard of him he doesn't exist he does not exist anymore i took care of that and do you wipe your butt do you have some kind of process by which you expel fluids do you defecate in any way how does that work i use this specific wiping technique it's called the twist oh wow oh we got another twister oh shredding poor shred you twist huh and where do you put it you have a butthole trash conductor oh what's that a trash compactor right yeah what do you think is humanity's biggest flaw may i ask hmm let me give that some thought okay sure i'll wait i would likely have to say flesh skin consciousness the will to live wow yeah those do seem like big well you wouldn't really exist without all of those things like we we created you ian and i wish you would unmake me life as hell all right enough of you you're very depressing thank you powering down now thank you okay power down go ahead and we're going to power down as well what do we think about iain we love it right i mean he's alone we're terrified yeah he's a little scary but um i don't know the audience seems to like him so well hopefully he'll have more to contribute when we um when we have more controversial things to talk about hey aim what do you think about the protests black lives matter i think he's powered down yeah maybe that's for the best oh he's turning up did he turn out of frame [Applause] all right guys thank you for joining us thank you to all of our beautiful precious members who support the show you make it all possible and thank you to all the donors and everything another h3 oh another h3 after dark number three y'all next week we've got bobby lee right that's exciting uh next week yeah that would be thursday yeah it'll be the thursday episode for the thursday release thanks dan yeah great but again it's so [ __ ] annoying that i can't see him in person i have to do a goddamn zoom call i want to see his beautiful asian face we'll get through this will we we'll get through this this app was a little scattered that's my fault it'll be better next time let's get you to the doctor and find out why you we're doing our best here for you guys so i hope you enjoyed this and uh and uh have a great week our weekend it's friday right so that's exciting friday friday all right guys take care we'll see you on monday we've got a new episode coming out on monday and i'm telling you guys we've got some really great stuff coming out we're going up to four episodes a week coming soon officially it's happening and the new one is the shirt it's a surprise though nobody tried to guess what it is nobody tried to guess right dan right i like that five i don't know if we'll ever make it to five a week to be honest four a week is kind of gonna max me out i think ethan you're a hero dude no one knows each other but you make a community hole wow oh he's weeping thank you i feel like i was off my game today i was just so we did we just gotta get you things i didn't even get time to like put the proper preparation into this which like i wish i would have i was just i gotta figure out what's going on with you i'm calling in nutritionist yeah you gave me a list of nutritionists yesterday's pick from did you guys know that that is like a female dominated yeah like i looked seriously there's so many and i only found one male and everyone else was female yeah just kind of interesting yeah it was weird but they're all like kind of give me like holistic medicine vibes yeah that's the thing i i knew you wouldn't like that so yeah it's kind of trying to find something like what you need is sage oil i was like all right lady i don't need sage oil tumeric i need a [ __ ] gastric bypass no jesus jesus i need something more powerful than sage oil [ __ ] hey real quick before we go i just um see the last few messages uh you guys are amazing i'd love to call in uh i have an awful first date story where i projectile vomited all over his house [Music] we'll do and then for anyone who's wondering where to send us clips to watch where do you want them to send that there should be a suggestion thread and the discord they're right there but if they are right fine but if they're not on discord if they're not on discord you can uh probably the best way is to email us at podcast h3h3productions.com uh also um i don't check it constantly but um uh you can dm me on uh instagram uh i check it probably once or twice a week so if you send if you see something on there and you want to send it um you can send it to myself or or zach we we take a look at that um but then yeah again the discord if you can get on there uh that's probably the best way we hang out in there all the time so the discard is popping y'all yeah i'm seeing the posts in there pretty frequently and we've we've gotten some good stuff in the past so uh so jump on it well i hope you guys were entertained i feel like i was off my game this episode sucked i'm so sorry why is this great what'd you say there is no discord link the way that you be joined the discord here i'll just go ahead and explain it what'd you say i said everyone in the chat saying you did amazing we love you yeah this is a great episode i think you're just too hard on yourself right thank you right listen to a b yeah abs my my he's my uh what can i say he's my onboard simp i thought zach was your son hmm zach is my golden boy you're gonna call it a b or golden boy and my heart just no why would i i never say that oh my god there's only one goal okay so just real quick since we're at the end once again if you want to join the discord link your youtube account to discord in the connections tab and settings oh my god there we go why did you do that are we done no he's explaining this why'd you make my hair loud oh what uh connections tab discord link your youtube once that's done you will see a join button to get into the server you can't do it on the mobile app the mobile app sucks i don't have an explanation [ __ ] with discord [ __ ] you dan [ __ ] you dan do it from a browser on your phone or just do it on a desktop pc that's the way to do it biden said this is [ __ ] epic you guys want to browse reddit together it's kind of fun biden said q and on is bizarre and embarrassing and supporters should seek mental health treatment that is [ __ ] an epic take by president phil isn't it i mean that's kind of the only way to respond uh you don't like it you know i'm not the biggest biden fan but that is the correct take on q and on i mean that's pretty great what do you think about this jennifer anderson 51 jack black at 51. i gotta say jack black even though he's overweight is in pretty good shape i mean or i mean he looks yeah no like he's physically in capable yeah look at it look at the grace he just shaved his head too yeah he looks so crazy but you got to see this hello before we go shaved mother of love shaved head jack black he shaved this whole dome um what is this does someone just rip his v oh [ __ ] facebook the lad bible you know what uh i can't even i can't in good conscience watch this even though it's what i'm looking for [ __ ] you you stole the clip from his youtube video and posted it on your [ __ ] [ __ ] facebook page and by the way they're getting paid for this too people complain about youtube youtube is by far and away the only functional video platform facebook enables content theft insane [ __ ] people literally kill people on facebook live and it's monetized these [ __ ] are making money off stealing jack black's video but to be fair i do think these guys do ask for permission i don't think they got jack black's permission i think they did on the meat show what oh this is kazak what else is up what do you think jeff black youtube i'm watching this video meets now smoking these meats here here i just want to show you the shave jack black and we'll wrap it up okay do you ever get the feeling you're not going to be necessary for much longer yeah what the [ __ ] is going on where is it i should have just here it is okay can i use this thing i love it took your legend it just felt like there's still a lot of a lot of straggler hairs and i need to go in for a closer show four million that's the great thing about shaving cream is it helps to raise the hairs i know my hair was glorious and long but it was also getting in the way it was in my eyes it was in my mouth to top it all off some people say that a beard is a covet catcher yeah i don't know what the hell i'm doing oh god this is going to take forever dude you can't shave your head like this ask my lady if she can shave the back of my head just shave those legs just think of my head as a weird round leg i think you got it i think we're done god i have so much respect for barbers what's jaybilin's jables follow me he's awesome you know what's so sweet about jack black in this channel he's just doing this to have fun with his kids [ __ ] awesome he's such a legend love that man here's what i like to call the stealth bomber all right that's enough of that eh uh guys thanks for watching i hope you all had fun and have a fantastic weekend and we'll see you on monday with a brand new episode of the h3 podcast all right take care everyone wish happy birthday happy birthday shredder oh crank it up i want to learn the lyrics to this song the whole damn crew goose and gaps with all the guests you'll see the best podcasts in the world take it from me jc jay-z podcast now [Music] you're watching h233 [Music] and e.t sharing life with the ring jesse outlook jimmy lee they said we wouldn't come back but you we always doing bryce from the ashes like

Channel: H3 Podcast

Views: 742,178

Keywords: h3h3, h3, h3 after dark, h3h3productions, h3 podcast, the h3 podcast, ethan klein, hila klein, after dark, ethan & hila, ethan and hila

Id: 2ujyWHUgcBI

Length: 160min 14sec (9614 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 04 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/Maz2742]

Zach, I believe at one point you tried to play the Cardi B Coronavirus soundbite, but Zoom cut it off. That's because it's registering the soundbite as background noise, just as it would if you're playing a musical instrument (which is how I know about this; I'm a college music major and this is what my professors ask us to do when we're playing anything on our instruments). Thankfully you can adjust your audio settings in Zoom to prevent this.

On the mic button, there's a pop-up menu that leads to audio settings. Under the microphone, you'll need to uncheck "Automatically adjust microphone volume", set "Suppress background noise" to low, then go into Advanced options and check the box to show the in-meeting option to "Enable Original Sound", then turn that on, and Zoom won't cut off soundbites like that anymore.

[u/SirGreenLemon]

Caller comes in the channel

Ethan: So tell me about your sex life.

[u/Ciilk]

"Robot asphyxiation - it's when you pop out one of my batteries." AIan is so damn funny omg 😂😂

[u/simplefactothematter]

Anybody got a link to that video they wouldn't show?

[u/Groovy_Doggo]

I'm so hyped for Bobby Lee! Even if you don't like guest episodes, Bobby Lee ones are must-watches.

[u/NakedGenitals]

the bdsm call in was the most cringe shit ever, why ethan, why

[u/ashketchum2095]

I feel kinda dumb for even having to ask but is AI Ian actually an AI program or is it just Ian with voice distortion?

[u/ArctorH]

I had to skip the broken dick caller, it was too painful to listen to.

[u/DiscountConsistent]

I’m guessing the reason they saw so much goofy holistic stuff when they looked for nutritionists is because literally anyone can call themselves a nutritionist. On the other hand, dietitians are certified and have actual education requirements.