Guys RUNNING Away From Their DATE (r/AskReddit)

I'll slash ask read it have you ever left in the middle of a date if so why I'm late to the party but my story involves a circus girl I met over tinder of course she had a very interesting profile about her being an aerial acrobatics for a circus that turned all over America so I swiped right for her plus she was super cute she messaged me on April 1st saying she had a show that night and wanted me to come see it I had reservations about trusting a stranger I just met online on April Fool's Day but I went away but it turns out she was telling the truth I arrived at the venue and I immediately noticed it is much smaller than I anticipated there was no way she was going to be performing aerial acrobatics on a stage with a ceiling only 20 feet tall I go to buy my ticket and I find that my date is the one selling them this is a perfect time to introduce myself so I do that she doesn't give any hint of recognition that I'm the guy she has been messaging over tinder the line to the window was long so I didn't press the issue the plan was to meet up for drinks after the show so I just shook it off took a seat and just planned on approaching her after the performance the circus was a disaster the host started off the night by making the most inappropriate racist jokes I've never even heard from my close friends mouths there is a time and place for jokes like that and I consider myself very open to a wide variety of humor but when a large group of strangers are furtively looking around to see if anybody is laughing or offended then things get awkward fast his crew was talking loudly and making noise in the back room and he had to talk over the most of the night overall he did not even ilysm he was a contortionist and a sword swallower and was honestly the only saving grace and circus why part of the show my dates bid was up second she didn't do her usual aerial acts but instead of her performance involving a chair and a cream pie it was nothing special whatsoever and even the Odeon could barely applaud in the appropriate pauses meant for applauding her following performer however is a one that made me lead during intermission he was a performance artist who walked up to the MiG and started reciting a poem cool I thought it was actually a pretty neat poem right until he took his pants and underwear off in the middle of reciting it fortunately for the audience he had his dick tucked in between his legs so it wasn't full frontal nudity per se but still slightly disturbing nonetheless he continued the deep serious poem without any mention of his debriefing and finished his poem by exclaiming hail Satan then turned around and taking a bow simultaneously presenting to the audience the good old dick and balls he had been shyly hiding along with the consolation prize of his [ __ ] I had never known so hard in my life I didn't even talk to her before I left and unmatched her the next day she sent me a message the following morning thanking me for coming so she obviously recognized me but was just using tinder as a way of advertising and getting guys to pay for her shitty circus show my ex we dated for almost a year I started dating her about six months after my wife and I separated thing were okay at first she was nice and sweet there were a few things that bothered me first she didn't know how to knock she would always just walk in my back door when she came over I asked her to stop a few times but it never really clicked she'd act like I was inferior because I didn't go to college I was eight years older than her 33 over 25 and have a good job and make decent money but she always acted like she and her college buddies were better and last she was abusive the one thing I couldn't tolerate was her hitting me she did it once I explained to her exactly why that wasn't appropriate and that it wouldn't be tolerated she did it again again I scolded her it seemed to fall on deaf ears we were out with several of her friends at some fancy restaurant she had driven and we left my car at her house about 50 miles away the dinner was going well I was charming her friends with my jokes and listening to them you know just getting to know people I said some joke don't remember what it was but it was slightly off-color nothing that would get any of the other patrons to look at me but kind of a shock a type joke she slapped me right in front of her friends and in the middle of a crowded classy restaurant I got up told her I didn't need this and walked out being 60 miles from home in one direction and 50 from my car in another was quite a shitty predicament I called a friend who picked me up and took me to my car gotta love friends who come get you no questions asked not technically a date was solo at the bar on Easter night and started chatting with a solo lady next to me she was cute and conversation starts out decent enough with some light flirting sprinkled in gradually get hints that she's the self-absorbed type who somehow always finds a way to steer the conversation back to herself but think maybe she's just nervous and give her the benefit of the doubt we are a few drinks deep and had moved seats to another part of the bar to sit closer religion comes up again she forgot we already talked about this she's Christian with good morals I'm non-religious but perhaps spiritual and believe everyone is entitled to their own beliefs as long as they don't infringe on others she seemed surprised but okay with this the first time this second time however stunned wide-eyed butts mode engaged you don't believe in God on Easter you say you don't believe in God you piece of [ __ ] you piece of [ __ ] she then motions to pour her a glass of water on my head and I calmly somehow diffuse that she continues I can't believe I wasted my time with you she has attracted the attention of the bartender and patrons he doesn't believe in God on Easter I am somehow able to covet Leigh asked the bartender check please separated SwiftKey pay calmly say something like I enjoyed talking to you but you are being rude and I'm leaving have a good night and I calmly walked out as Miss good morals sat stunned that are left her only once actually TL DR a sugar-coated rehashing of that one time I was too good for a girl / white girl that doesn't believe in dinosaurs no what a neurotoxin is or that she's also white so when I was in my undergrad years I was studying pre-veterinary medicine this meant a lot of the people in my major were science nerdy girls I was a shy kid but I always sat by this girl McHale in my retro class a class about Cognex erotic right Nicole was quite very smart and well she had it going on dark hair petite pale skin anyway I go basically all semester not asking this girl out and finally I get bossy and after class I just asked her if she would want to get food with me later and yeah that worked shock the [ __ ] out of me I'm all stoked for this date and I got us reservations at the local Italian restaurant nothing fancy though everything is going well until she asks if I have any pets I tell her about my blind kitten Ray Charles and she brings up weed I had mentioned I smoked occasionally she goes aren't you worried it'll hurt ray I paused then I said no I I smoke the weed what do you mean she goes aren't you worried about the neurotoxins from the second-hand smoke hurting ray I was gonna correct her but then I was like ah good point aw Kay silence strike one a bit later we are talking about our faith movies I say mine is a tie between Ferris Bueller's Day Off in Jurassic Park she says she's never seen JP I asked why and she straight-up says because it's a stupid story and seemed kinda upset and I said something like oh yeah the plot is a bit weak but the CGI that was one of the first times people got a good idea of what dinosaurs were like she's like how her yeah like you they existed I got her and I was like yeah haha wait did you say if they existed thinking in my head [ __ ] she obv meant when ya little [ __ ] she's like yeah if they existed how do we know for sure at this point I couldn't tell if this girl was trolling me or what I was just dumbfounded I was like up well as you may know we have like a lot of dinosaur bones and fossils she looks at me and scoffs while saying scientists code made those strike two I tried to explain that no one would ever fund the projects that sole purpose is to just further species that never existed but she changed the subject at this point I've realized I made a mistake this girl was as dumb as a box of rocks outside the classroom towards the end of the meal we are bullshitting and describing our parents she says both of her sir devout Lutheran's etc I say my mom is a tiny little Irish Holy Roller and my dad is a big fat Italian atheist and I kinda joshed about opposites attracting she made a thought a half joke snide remark which basically was why did your sweet mom want to marry a stupid guy like your dad to which I said because he's a really great guy and he's really smart while looking at her food she chuckles and mutters he must not be that smart in my head I was like wTF is this why am I even [ __ ] here right now did she think that would be funny to me I try to smooth it over with a joke and go how you know you're much sweeter in class she takes it literally and goes why's that and I say B C to be honest I'm not getting a great first impression she goes oh well you just a white boy strike three drop to 20 on the table and walked out well I'm not sure this counts because I didn't leave I just almost did I thought he was super creepy and super insane on our first date mainly because he showed me pics of a disembodied boob on his phone that he had by a seed for cancer he's not a serial killer just a doctor and gave me a long meandering wit lecture about the importance of doing self breast exome so as not to end up like said disembodied boob I texted my BFF immediately after oh I have the best story I went on a date with a guy who showed me a boob on a table all bloody and then he lectured me about boobs but he was all muscle why and I really wanted to see what his arms felt like and then we had this great conversation over text so we went on a second date and he was like I can't believe you went out with me again I was just nervous and you asked about my job and I wayward vomited anyway I tell that story all the time now his family thought it was hysterical at Thanksgiving his mum laughed so hard she cried actual tears so now we have a really great first date story and he sends us all my family and his the occasional cautionary email look at this lung don't smoke all of you check out this leg bone that white part is cancer and it has replaced the whole bone goes straight to the doctor when you have pain at first my brother and sister were like you mmm WTF can we opt out of this listserv but it grew on them and now they find it hilarious I don't even know you guys I find it really endearing now we are getting married this summer blind date Indian restaurant first thing he does is produce a folder of photos of him and various celebrities shows me them one by one he keeps clutching at me after about 15 minutes of this I say this isn't really I don't think we are compatible I think I should go and get up to leave he stood up to and shouted at me as I left no I did not look back and this happened in the mid-1980s so unless the guy you're thinking of is now in his seventies it's not him yes a real manila folder with 8x10 glosses in a real Manila in evelope mid-1980s no Photoshop no iPhone the to cell observer member seeing Oh Jimmy Carter in the Dalai Lama remember this was 30 years ago no I don't remember what he was shouting I was focused on jus TF over there and as I said 30 years ago no I don't remember which Indian restaurant that it was in Cambridge in a yellow walls yes he was a Harvard man no he was not blind a blind date is when somebody fixes you up with somebody you don't know or when you go out with somebody you've met fire a dating service lad no photos back then just descriptions also I'm so glad this entertained you all my operating principle REE nightmare experiences as this is God's Way of giving us drinking stories you've proved me right I was in my late teens and went on a date with a friend of a friend he seemed nice and I got the okay from my BFF so I anticipated a pleasant quiet evening we were just going for frozen yogurt and TV at his house after all well everything's going smooth and he seems really sweet he tells me he likes to write poetry and my teenage girl brain is thinking wow a sensitive guy how a refreshing then he tells me that he wants to show me something I assumed it was a poem he wrote because we had just talked about it me okay what is it then well it's not ready yet but it will be in a couple minutes as he leans over on his side away from me me confused because I'm expecting a poem is he going to write a poem in a couple minutes this is going to be awkward then he starts making all these any windows about what it is I get annoyed because he sounds like he's describing his penis and the joke is dying fast finally just to shut him up I say if it's your dick then now I don't want to see it then oh okay then and he sits back normally on the couch I'm super confused and think he's pulling my leg I asked if he's kidding and says no he seriously wanted to whip out his junk and show me me what the hell am I supposed to say to you while your dick is out Tim well my last girlfriend told me she'd been waiting to see it all night me stunned silence then Oh H age being the awkward teen I was i sat back into the couch not touching him we had been cuddling up until that conversation and uncomfortably waited out the remainder of whatever show was on TV and then bolted after I got home I called my BFF and frantically told her what had happened her response oh yeah I forgot to tell you he likes to do that had joined the new Sports Club and there was one guy who was quiet and kind of just hung around the periphery of the group I felt kind of bad for him so was always trying to bring him into conversations and talk to him one night we all went out for drinks after the game and I talked to him for a while conversation was hard work that he seemed like a nice guy he texted and asked me if I wanted to go out for coffee I wasn't really interested but knew given how quiet he was that it probably took a ton of nerve to text me that and I thought maybe in a one coulomb one environment he would be more comfortable and I could get to know him a little more we met at the coffee shop and he had a big backpack with him we ordered drinks then chatted with me again doing most of the talking he rarely initiated but would answer questions about one half hour and he said he had a few things to show me to let me get to know him better he then did a show-and-tell from his backpack pulling out various items and pictures and telling me about them some were kind of interesting a family trip and some I had no idea how to respond to here is a picture of how I had my hair cut in grade eight he had stuffed animals and lots of items from his childhood I kept trying to bring the conversation to the present to find out if the item linked to a current interest or hobby but he kind of had a story about each item rehearsed and he would go right back to the show and tell eventually the table was full of stuff and I try to politely say that I had seen enough and changed the topic he told me had still had more to show me I ended up saying I felt sick and left I felt kind of bad but it was just getting too weird we had been on a couple of dates and he invited me to his house to watch a movie I showed up and he immediately brings me a nice big I don't like vodka and I wasn't in the muted drink but I thanked him for the drink and I sipped on it a little he commented that I wasn't drinking fast enough I said oh well I'm not really in the drinking mood he kept pressuring me to drink I inspected my glass to make sure there was no residue or anything else in it there wasn't but when I finished he made me another without asking I thanked him but said that I really didn't want another he told me not be rude and that I should have drinks with him if he's making them for me when I finished that one I said I really don't want another he brings me another it's obvious that he's trying to get me drunk he keeps trying to make out with me and I said that I really wanted to watch the movie he keeps literally holding my face towards him and shoving his tongue down my throat I turned the other way on the couch so I had my feet down by him and he couldn't get to my face even gets on the floor and walks on his [ __ ] knees to my face and starts trying to kiss me again I said I needed to go to the bathroom I quietly called my best friend and told her I need her to call me back with something urgent in a couple of minutes so I could get out of a bad date she did and I took off after that that kept trying to call and text me a lot and I just told him look you were obviously trying to get me drunk and kept forcing kisses after I said I wanted to watch the movie this is not gonna work out he turned up drunk and brought pictures of his time in Iraq and the army with him that he took me through painfully slowly one by one I politely excused myself to go for a cigarette and he lost it accused me of being rude shouting about how no wonder I was single and then sat on my coats so I couldn't run away saying that even if I did leave he would follow me and make me sorry he also goes on a rant about how all graduates are entitled [ __ ] he doesn't agree with women go into uni and that I'm a middle-class the asterisk auntie he had insisted on paying for my drink so when I came back and I said I wanted to go and he insisted that I owe him a drink cos he was going up Camden to meet his mates and didn't want to be behind on the drinks front fine whatever he's clearly insane I'll just buy him one to shut him up then I can leave at the bar he begins throwing ice at the barmaid when her back is turned then when she turns around accusingly points at me and says she did it the barmaid and I both know that it was him after he has his pint in his hand he goes back to the table and I confess to said barmaid that I'm on the worst date of my life and want to run away she pours me a shot of tequila tells the bouncer to distract him then help me run away as he banged on the window and shouted I'll find you ran home sobbing like a lunatic dude sometimes they know just how to help I was staying in a nice hotel one time and had a few hours to kill before my evening plans I decided to take advantage of their happy hour on the patio with a good book a much elder gentleman asks if he could sit on the couch next to mine I obliged since I was reading and wrongly assumed he would leave me alone the man ordered me a drink from the waitress I'll have a gin and tonic and she'll have another of whatever she's drinking and proceeded to talk non-stop to me it was okay if awkward for quite a while I figured I would finish my drink and leave but then he started yammering on and on about how it would take 12 little [ __ ] boys to complete some work on his boat the waitress bless her sauntered up behind him motioned to him and then to me so he couldn't see I made a frowny face at her she came over man there's a call for you in the lobby would you like to take it or should we take a message I pawned her an excellent tip and called her direct manager and also corporate to tell them how amazing she was I took a girl once to my favorite Mexican restaurant she proceeded to pretty much give me a rundown of her past five boyfriends why the relationship failed how each was in bed what they all did for a living where they all took her for vacations why I started to cross and my blood was starting to boil I was relegated to u n HUS and wow that guy's an [ __ ] responses she seemed very disinterested in anything I had to say and I was [ __ ] done as I was about to get up and walk out the waiter brought my Fran Jeter's say you know what I just rolled with it started asking questions about her ex-boyfriends all the while I was stuffing my face with tasty tasty fan Judas honestly most of the dude sounded like pretty good guys that I put on a brave face and she'd talked them in between bites once I was four I got up said I needed to go to the bathroom paid for my half of the meal at the register and just left she was busy texting someone and didn't even notice on my way home she texted me and asked me where I was told her that I left and that maybe she should ask one of her ex-boyfriends to come and pick her up since she spent the last 45 minutes doing nothing but talking about them got a couple [ __ ] yous you're an [ __ ] texts on the drive home but it's been radio silent ever since on a date with this girl from the local college things are going alright at first she's looking for something purely physical to which I had no objections so she suggests we go back to her place the apartment is kind of a [ __ ] sparsely furnished her burn out room at his rolling a blunt on the coffee table in their dimly lit living room by himself empty 40 bottles all over still no objections I can get down with some crummy punk rock [ __ ] to an extent so we go to her room and start making out she puts on some music we begin taking our clothes off just when things are getting really hot she excuses herself to the bathroom she's gone a while maybe five minutes so now I'm getting bored I get up start checking out the books on the shelf then I step on something and it sticks to my foot I pick it off it's a little two inches square of tinfoil all burnt on one side then I noticed the used up tea candles in the trash and the spoon q-tips and steel wool on the desk it's not subtle this chick is a junkie I am still waiting for her to get back from the can so I can politely excuse myself when it occurs to me she's taking so long she's probably passed out I go knock on the door no reply knock again what the flick I'm I'm almost done I know what you're doing in there yeah so what you can't judge me you're making it pretty easy to judge you actually oh go [ __ ] yourself great idea enjoy your heroine I can hear her scrambling to put her kids away and clean her [ __ ] up but there's really nothing left to be said I go back to the bedroom put my shoes on and casually leave through the window so I won't have to say anything to her creepy rumors she starts blowing up my phone almost immediately where are you what street are you on come back let's talk it sent me tea I'll pick you up she had given me a ride there and was now driving around looking for me thankfully a close friend of mine lived on that same block and he was home so I just walked in Craner style and explained the situation hi dude sorry to bother you my dates on a bunch of dope and is following me around trying to convince me to give her the D can I hang out here for a half hour never heard from her again friend gave me a beer yes we met at a nice restaurant sat down and had a decent conversation we started to look over the menu in the wine list I asked if she had a preference regarding the wine she said no I ordered a bottle of Pinot Grigio inside didn't know her preferences or what she might order kind of a nice middle-of-the-road selection when it came the waitress brought two glasses did the usual tasting and when she went to pour my date a glass she quickly declined the waitress poured me a glass and left I asked her if she'd prefer another drink she launched into what I can only describe as a temperance lecture she was stridently anti-alcohol in my ordering wine had clearly upset her this was a first date so I had no way of knowing any of this and had she let me know her thoughts ahead of time say when I asked her preference or when I was ordering I'd have gotten something acceptable to her instead I was getting a lecture that would not start I got called a drunk and rude and insensitive repeatedly by someone I just met in the course of about five minutes after a few minutes the waitress came over and asked if everything was ok I told her now told my date that our date was over and asked the waitress if I could be receipted at the bar the waitress and my date both looked shocked my date picked up her sweater and person stalked out I picked up my glass the waitress picked up the bottle and led me to the bar in the bar I met a very nice young lady with different ideas and we shared the bottle and a very nice evening thank you for watching don't forget to Like and subscribe

Channel: Slime King

Views: 13,092

Rating: 4.8638296 out of 5

Keywords: high school, reddit stories, askreddit funny, askreddit scary, reddit top posts, askreddit comedy, comment awards, askreddit, top posts, dankify reddit, brainydude reddit, tz reddit, r/, askreddit creepy stories, toadfilms, reddit and chill, middle school, middle school cringe, teacher, pupil, parrents, tantrum, askreddit friends, askreddit secrets, askreddit parents, family secrets, askreddit kids

Id: fG9prtM8RAI

Length: 28min 4sec (1684 seconds)

Published: Sat Jan 25 2020