People GIVING Their EX Another Chance (r/AskReddit)

our slashes credit redditors who gave you a rest point Oh a second chance after they cheated why did you forgive them and have you learned to fully trust them again how is your relationship now was an array T a relationship with my wife we had been married for two years when she came back from a therapy session shaking and admitted to having a one-night stand with a cow-calf we spent a whole year in marriage counseling but at some point she decided she wasn't going to try anymore she kept staying out later and later with this guy and at some point they started sleeping with each other I didn't know this for a while and figured we should just give each other space so I moved into an apartment for a month completely miserable when I returned he seemed to have a skip in her step about it all I pretty much decided that we should take a break which to her men she got to sleep with this guy more often so I ended up moving back and with my parents at the age of 26 for a short while still fully believing that we could somehow repair the relationship a month after I had left she calls me and says she's pregnant with the guy's kid I was fuming and as a sign of how far gone she was she didn't understand and thought I'd be happy for her I'm not a forced and haven't spoken to her since last October oddly our interactions right before the kid being born were fairly cordial I even stopped by her house to drop off food while I was in town for the divorce proceedings it's very surreal to look back at now it's also bizarre to think that this person who knew me very intimately and saw vulnerabilities in me that not even my parents knew about is now just logged in my brain as an acquaintance at best she was my girlfriend for four years my wife for another four and yet she is now the same status of people I think about as my freshman roommate edit as for current relationships I find myself very defensive and resistant towards long term relationships even if it's going well I think okay but at some point this will all end she will betray you or grow tired of you and you'll have to go through this all again I'm currently in a five-month long relationship and I'm really tired of people asking if I'm thinking about marrying her we married in 96 the first affair happened in 0-3 with his coworker he came clean on his own one morning after we had sex and he'd been with her the night before it destroyed me our two kids were both under 10 at the time so I decided to try to work it out and move forward I felt like a crazy person and I didn't like suspicious me at all before I had known about it I had wanted another child and he had adamantly refused when he came clean he suggested we have another child I told him he was out of his mind anyway fast forward a couple of difficult years and things have smoothed out he has a new co-worker Larry who he talks about a lot when he gets home from work one day he sits in his truck in the driveway on the phone when he finally comes in the house he says he was talking to Larry about work issues when he was in the shower I got Larry's work hash from his phone and called the number the next day the outgoing voicemail message is a woman who says hey you've reached Laurie I didn't call him on it for a few days I eventually spoke with Laurie who says nothing was going on again I chose to stay a short time later I know I have become a hardened person but I'm dealing with it I'm raising kids working life is just busy one night I can't sleep his work phone goes off while I'm in the kitchen and it's the woman he first cheated on me with I see she left a voicemail so I listened to it she loves and misses in blahblahblah I am shaking I'm so angry and the phone goes to the next message it's Laurie and she loves and misses in two I think that's when I turned off all feeling not just for him but for anything except my kids I woke him up and confronted him he tells me he hasn't talked to either one in a long time and can't control who calls and leaves him messages our marriage continues but he knows I'm done it even the hint of another woman 2008 Christmas night 2 a.m. I wake up to my ringing phone it's the husband of a friend of ours he is our friend to our kids play ball together they have three kids close in age to us and our two oldest are very close anyway he asks me has my husband talked to me I'm not awake and I don't understand turns out his wife and my husband are having an affair and it's been going on for about eight months that was the end for me my divorce was final in 2011 it took a long time to get any peace of mind back and the hardest part was dealing with why I had allowed myself to stay in that situation so long besides the infidelity there were other issues of emotional and some physical abuse I had not known what a narcissist was until long after I left now I prefer to be single I dated a few times but at the first hint of a red flag from someone I'm out my ex and I speak at times about the kids but they are grown now so the ex and I have very little contact I'm finally in a good place and intend to stay there for anyone dealing with this kind of thing my advice to to listen to your gut don't ignore things that really bother you and don't let the awfulness of divorce allow you to get down on their level looking back I'm glad I didn't all so karma comes around very fast a few months after we separated the ex's new girlfriend got popped for 14 felonies I laughed till I heard edit a word format we are broken up now for unrelated reasons but I've forgiven a partner for cheating I had gotten a new job and had considerably more disposable income while her and I did more elaborate and expensive things together I also would often stay out later with friends and co-workers after work I was spending more time hanging out with friends online play video games and bullshitting with those same people because I had all the new consoles and a good computer I bought things without Arts King so she never knew what to try and surprise me with since anytime I wanted something I could just get it I also bought her things this way I would hear her express interest in something so I'd order it within a week whenever we went out I always paid because I like treating her and that's the way I was brought up we would still spend time together often at home had great 6:00 slept at night together ate nice meals etc that she was feeling like an accessory to my life instead of being a partner in a shared experience which was pretty true instead of being a partner who I confided in supported and shared myself with I was using things to bring her happiness instead of actions she felt like she was like a Sims character where purchases were provided on demand just to keep her happiness level up to a certain point we used to spend every night talking for an hour about our day bringing up reassuring and overcoming stresses and concerns and discussing our path towards the future we saw for ourselves she would make special lunches for me I would do laundry for her she would rub my shoulders I would rub her feet she'd sometimes pay for dinner I'd sometimes try new recipes for dinner but we stopped sharing as much at night not entirely of course but instead of laying together for an hour also just meandering the meaningful conversation it would be closer to a half hour of more targeted questions to each other to get out that information I bought lunches for myself now because I could instead of being intimate with giving each other massages we went to professionals I always paid for meals and instead of me cooking new things we'd order in or go out and try new things eventually she just felt like she didn't have the same person with her I was like a fluffed up version of myself with a she'll around me that kept her at a slight distance so she started seeking that connect elsewhere it was with her co-worker as it often does it started with them just talking at work more and then grabbing a drink then texting more then hanging out and eventually sex I found out and I blew a gasket naturally talked about how I would get her this she we would get to go here and I paid for this we ate like royalty etc I took a few days off of work and after about three to four days of nearly non-stop talking fighting breaking to eat sleep and sometimes have sex everything was finally out on the table I saw and understood everything I explained to you all up there karat and why was not something either of us wanted I apologized and made a real commitment to be more like the man she loved instead of the man I thought she wanted to love I scaled back my responsibilities at work to make a little less money I sold a few of my new possessions and just kept a better schedule on her side she accepted her cheating as an awful thing to do she also apologized and made a commitment to being more vocal about what she wanted from the relationship and how she could help herself from being deprived of it yes it hurt for a while but she was hurting for probably longer if a little less sudden and severe we stayed together for another 14 months after that and it was truly a great relationship the reason we separated for good was because she got an opportunity to teach in a place where they desperately needed it and improved the lives of thousands of children it was based on the East Coast with her flying to various places for months at a time and I didn't want to go to the East Coast and be without her for months at a time she told me she would stay but I knew her well enough to know that even before I met her that this was something she'd wanted for about 15 years before meeting me I told her to go and that was that edit since some individuals have expressed feelings that I made a mistake and all she manipulated me somehow I explained more in those comments that I believe they are all but I thought I would add the relevant parts of those comments onto the main post for others to see I'll also add a couple more details to each to try and better explain the chain of events after what happened happened we both we are ready to call it quits and go our separate ways I had already found a new place she was going to move to her brother's home the day I found out I didn't come home and then again not the next day stayed with my friends first day I came back or communicated with her at all was the third day after I came home to walk my dog and sleep in my own bed she was staying late at work that day doing a lesson plan with her colleagues I told her that I was home and not to come home tonight she stayed at her brother's and then in the morning I told her if she wanted to talk to call in a sub for her and we would talk I was still furious at this point of course it isn't like I was just cool about it and believe me it wasn't a hidden fact either she told me that she took off work and that after lunch with her brother and still she would be over when she got there at in the afternoon we spent basically the entire first day yelling at each other she took my anger at the cheating itself for a while because she knew she was wrong but eventually she fired back because I moved into before it happened so we argued until the evening and we were both exhausted I made dinner and we ate in silence I went to bed after she took the couch but when we woke up the next day we both realized we had said nothing really productive it was pure emotion and pain so we tried to set aside our negative emotions anger sadness frustration et Cie and figure out what went wrong not so that we could salvage our relationship but so that it wouldn't happen to someone else we loved so I asked her to tell me why why would she do this after everything I had done for her and so she explained to me what she was feeling why she feeling it how long it was going on so I was able to understand the things I mentioned in the original comment and then I did the same that I was unaware it was progressing like that why wouldn't she tell me that she was feeling these things wasn't what I did good I had thought it was the right thing to do to give her everything I thought a woman could want she basically blew my mind by pointing out the same two things I bolded in that last paragraph that the things I gave her and did for her were what I thought she wanted not what she wanted and then the next thing she said immediately cooled my heart's fury that was boiling but being suppressed for the sake of trying to understand Carl yes my real name you were already everything I wanted I didn't want anything else from you and I simply understood I had become someone different that I was before different from the person she loved with all her heart I never needed to support her asterisk fi na NCI al ly or asterisk thr ough possessions we both were successful in our chosen fields money was not a big problem even before my position change she didn't want all of those things I bought or gave her obviously she appreciated them but it never was something that she had to have to be happy with a partner support conversation intimacy time excitement vulnerability those were things that she wanted from me and every single one does not cost a penny she loved me for who I was not what I could buy and who I was changed and then of course we went through how her actions had hurt me wasn't quite as involved but there were a limit of the pain I felt that she didn't expect I don't need to get into those but don't condescend either of us for our choices we both believe we made the right decision I didn't apologize to her because she cheated on me and got it somehow turned around me I apologized because I made her feel invalidated within the relationship and that she as a person was not worth as much to me that not only did I not value her as an equal partner but also as someone who was of my life as a formality that I saw her as something I could improve or decorate with nice clothes or new jewelry she wasn't a partner she was my mana Quinn to show off how well I was doing she didn't make me do it I wasn't tricked into it we both did something very wrong that hurt the other person hers was sudden and hit like a truck and mine was overtime like a cancer both of those things could have killed us don't condescend me because I realized like an adult that maybe I was at fault as well realized it and committed to being a better version of myself and I was before just as she did I almost did but decided not to it's honestly more worth it to find someone who doesn't pull [ __ ] like that it sucked to let her go but I realized I only missed the good parts of the relationship we broke up because she realized I was getting too suspicious about her hanging out with an ex FWB she asked for a break but I finished the job for her I have no physical evidence she did cheat but she might as well have she consistently lied to me about the other guy and the lack of boundaries the two had ie hanging out one-on-one without consulting in me going to his house alone chatting during hours she was supposed to sleep etc' gave me no reason to trust her word hell she didn't even try to hide it towards the end she legitimately thought she can use reverse psychology on me by posting snaps of herself hanging out with a guy not to mention she's had a history of cheating one of which she blames on drugs her best girlfriend cheats on her boyfriends too if those weren't red flags I don't know what is we tried patching things up as friends but she still wouldn't own up to what she did and she was rubbing in my face of the flings she already been on I made the stupid mistake of taking her to a museum only to see her constantly texting some random guy she met he dumped her literally in three weeks I finally dropped the question when we were dating and I asked you to cut your ex FWB off as a friend would you have listened she read the message never responded that's when I realized I was finally done with her I came to realize that most cheaters obviously won't admit guilt they make it so that it's your fault but honestly they can just call any slight flow you had and you sit against you because they don't want to face their guilt she wouldn't own up to simple things so what's to say she would own up to something big as explicitly cheating also remember that just because someone is generally a good person ie a good employee kind to friends and family et Cie doesn't mean they are not capable of being a bad so don't let their other trace cloud your judgment in your relationship I don't believe in once a cheater always a cheater some people can change but note that it's only some it's more likely your situation isn't the minority however I do believe in once a cheater could cheat again if you want to take the risk go ahead but it's better to save yourself from any potential grief you suffered once why go through it again believe me it's way better to wait and carefully find a decent person than just jumping into a relationship with the next person you meet let alone suckering yourself back into a betrayed one it sucks to be lonely but having a shitty relationship will only make that loneliness come back tenfold edit Condon glish my wife and I had been together for 10 years when I discovered the physical affair she was having with a married Kalka when I confronted her she confessed I asked her if she loved him and she said yes I asked her if she still wanted to be with me and she said yes I told her she had 24 hours to make a decision I also told her that there was a very good chance that if she chose me I still would choose to leave her long story short we have been in reconciliation for a little over a year now we communicate far better than we ever used to we are both more direct and honest with each other we know each other strengths and weaknesses better than we used to in many ways our relationship improved and became much healthier what made this possible was her decisions after the affair was discovered she owned it 100% as her fault she didn't try to blame me for her actions she went to therapy and fired her therapist when she recommended leaving me to avoid further guilt found another therapist and continued she read books and works hard to discover the YV affair so she could become a safer partner she confessed to family about what was going on she has given the open access to all of her accounts and her phone anytime I want it and is always where she says she will be she answered every question three times over about the affair I know every Madden in detail a wound can't heal appropriately if you don't clean out all the dirt and the pass the marriage wasn't a bad one but we had been in a rough patch she was heavily focused on work and I wasn't supportive of the time she spent in her job she always had more guy friends and didn't really get along with women well when this one guy confessed that he liked her she thought she could keep appropriate boundaries she liked him too but they had both agreed to not let it become anything she said she felt safe that he wouldn't push the boundaries because he was married too slowly had progressed and she slid down the slippery slope coffee before work led to lunches lunches led to walks walks led to holding hands and holding hands led to so much more she always believed that you couldn't like someone else if you were really in love and this left her feeling confused his name vanished from stories about work cognitive dissonance left her to justify actions that conflicted with who she felt she was it became a [ __ ] none of this excuses her actions I gave her another chance for two reasons first she has worked hard to become a safer partner and understand the world the affair without that another chance means nothing secondly 10 years of standing by each other during difficult times building a life together and having each other's backs is not easily forgotten the things we helped each other through and the life we built together were not easy this affair was not a part of a habit of selfishness and flirtatiousness it was an outlier when compared with all of my other knowledge on who this person is I can't properly explain how out of character this was for her everyone was completely shocked he destroyed her sense of self integrity and selflessness were always ways people had described her she was kind and thoughtful to a fault and that ended up being a big part of the problem rug sweeping conflict avoidance and people-pleasing are not quality character attributes they will leap down a dark road eventually you can't communicate effectively when you feel guilty whenever your spouse asks for something and then you are too scared to ask for what you want in my opinion every couple should be required to read five love languages and not just friends let me be clear though there will be no second chance also my trust will never be the same for her or anyone else Trust is different for me now I can trust her again but it will never be blind I'll never make excuses for my instincts again maybe that isn't a bad thing though don't cheat on your spouse's people it is the absolute most painful thing I have ever experienced my girlfriend and slept in a bed in her underwear with a co-worker after a night of drinking while we were long-distance she called me at 5:00 a.m. that morning in tears about it she admitted she was attracted to him and wanted to sleep with him but couldn't hurt me he had a girlfriend at the time but tried really hard to sleep with my girlfriend we had a pretty rough year prior to that and were both pretty unhappy I understood her feelings and appreciated her honesty and she clearly was devastated by her actions so I tried to forgive her after her Christmas party a few months later the exact same thing happened mainly because the person she was meant to be staying with went home early so he offered his place where they shared a bed and he begged her for sex but she refused he even tried putting her hand on his pants once again she said she wanted to but couldn't hurt me point I it took a lot but I forgave her again she was a shell of herself and I could see genuine guilt and a desire to change I am not perfect either and had been a shitty boyfriend that year in different ways after that year we were able to move in together and sure we've had our ups and downs but honestly I'm the happiest I've ever been anytime we watch a movie that involves cheating she clearly gets upset and I'd be lying if I said I didn't think it about it from time to time I know it takes two to tango but seriously [ __ ] you Luke you're a slimy piece of [ __ ] who only had the balls to make a move when you were both drunk I'm glad your girlfriend broke up with you and I hope someone like yourself ruins your next relationship edit obviously there's more to the story here otherwise I would have broken up with her such as the messages from him furious that she didn't sleep with him I know it didn't happen evidence 100% supports that edit - Jesus Christ I thought I was a cynical bastard you all clearly know my relationship better than I do even though I know she didn't sleep with him either time we've been together for a long time I can read her like a book and it would have definitely come out by now I still consider it emotional cheating and it was an incredibly [ __ ] up situation she's a very honest person it was definitely a whole truth and not a half truth while alcohol is not an excuse she was absolutely hammered and he was considerably less drunk to be fair if I was reading this I'd assumed the worst as well but there's always exceptions thank you so much for watching the whole video please leave a like and subscribe

Channel: Slime King

Views: 14,273

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Keywords: high school, reddit stories, askreddit funny, askreddit scary, reddit top posts, askreddit comedy, comment awards, askreddit, top posts, dankify reddit, brainydude reddit, tz reddit, r/, askreddit creepy stories, toadfilms, reddit and chill, middle school, middle school cringe, teacher, pupil, parrents, tantrum, askreddit friends, askreddit secrets, askreddit parents, family secrets, askreddit kids

Id: eFg6im76Pag

Length: 25min 56sec (1556 seconds)

Published: Fri Jan 31 2020