GEORGE CARLIN - AMAZING STAND-UP

from the 60s all the way into the 90s this man has kept us laughing with his unique brand of humor please welcome George [Applause] [Music] how you doing hey nice to see you listen I'm here I'm here to exploit this war I'm here to exploit this war war is good for business just take a look at the stock market so I'm here to exploit it just like everybody else in this country best thing about this war it's on every channel and every channel has a slightly different war do you notice that if you don't like the way it's going on channel 2 try channel 9 maybe your side is winning over there and the ratings are good the ratings are good for the war we like war we're good at it we're a warlike people this country is only 200 years old and we average a major war every 20 years 200 years old 10 War through the arithmetic yourself we are a war like people we are perfect children of Europe we're fort builders land grabbers and bomb throwers folks we're not happy we're not happy unless we're dropping bombs on some helpless civilian population that has no argument with us whatsoever no argument with us whatsoever we are bomb throwers and when we're not dropping high explosives we're we're not dropping high explosives on some small nation that only has a marginally effective air force then we're declaring war on something at home we love to declare war on something at home no we anything we don't like about ourselves we have to declare war on it we can't get rid of this war mentality from our public life we got a war on poverty war on crime war on cancer war on litter war on drugs' jebbie notice we don't have a war on homelessness no war on homelessness you know why you know why I'll tell you why cuz there's no money in it there's no money in that problem nobody stands to get rich off of that problem you find a solution to homelessness where the businessmen and the politicians can steal a couple of million dollars each you'll see the streets of America begin to clear up pretty fast I'll give you a couple ideas listen I got a couple ideas for homelessness first thing we ought to do give the homeless their own magazine giving their own magazine that's a sure sign of making it in this country every group in this country that makes it gets its own magazine they got working mother magazine black entrepreneur magazine Hispanic business magazine any activity engaged in by more than four people in this country gets a magazine devoted to a dart throwing back packing basket making boating hiking walking cold walking look tan the new walking is out here's a good article putting one foot in front of the other giving their own magazine giving their own magazine you know what you call it better crates and cartons then when they get finished reading it they can use it to line their clothing well that's the kind of answer you'd get from a conservative American businessman he'd say yeah I let him read it when they get finished reading it they can use it to plug up the holes and in piano crates they live in a good practical sound American business conservative solution I'll give you I'll give you an idea about homelessness first thing you got to do is change the name it's not homelessness it's house lessness these people need houses a home is an abstract idea has to do with a setting a state of mind these people need physical tangible structures low-cost housing but where you gonna put it nobody wants you to build low-cost housing near their house they don't want it nearer we got a thing in this country called NIMBY and imb why not in my backyard that's what they call it people don't want anything near especially if it might help somebody else they don't want any kind of social help located near them they you try to open up a halfway house you try to open up a drug rehab center you try to open up a little place for some people want to work their way into the community people say not in my backyard they don't want it near them especially if it might help somebody else part of the great American spirit of generosity you can ask the American Indians all about the great American spirit of generosity can eat current information try a black family they'll help you figure out the creative American generous spirit these days we call it a thousand points of light people don't want anything near them even if it's something they believe in something they think society needs like prisons everybody wants more prisons everybody wants that that's the new answer to all of our problems lock a lot of people up people say build more prisons but not here why not what's the problem what would be wrong with having a prison in your neighborhood what seemed to me like it would make it a pretty crime free area don't you think you think a lot of crackheads and pimps and Street criminals gonna be hanging around in front of a prison I mean all the prisoners are locked up the criminals are behind the walls and if a couple of them do break out what do think they're gonna do hang around check real estate the whole idea breaking out of prison is to get as far away as you possibly can not in my backyard well I got an idea where we can put some low-cost housing golf courses this is just what we need plenty of good land plenty of good land in nice neighborhoods land that's devoted now to a meaningless mindless activity engaged in primarily by white well-to-do male businessmen who use the game to make deals to get together to carve the country up a little finer among themselves golf is an arrogant and arrogant elitist game and it takes up two entirely too much room in this country entirely too much room listen to me you know how much room it takes up 17,000 golf course is about 150 acres each that's 3 million acres that's 4,800 square miles to Rhode Island's in a Delaware you could build for the homeless on the land that's currently devoted to this meaningless mindless arrogant elitist racist game I say it's time to reclaim that valuable land from the wealthy and turn it over to the homeless you see I have solutions you know the only problem no one ever calls barely get a call from Congress or a think tank thank you all for listening good night [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause]

Channel: MyTalkShowHeroes

Views: 2,190,694

Keywords: mytalkshowheroes

Id: sdYWQ475aEE

Length: 6min 55sec (415 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 10 2018

Reddit Comments

[u/numbersev]

Another quote by him still relevant today:

“Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. Everybody complains about politicians. Everybody says they suck. Well, where do people think these politicians come from? They don't fall out of the sky. They don't pass through a membrane from another reality. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. This is the best we can do folks. This is what we have to offer. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're going to get selfish, ignorant leaders. Term limits ain't going to do any good; you're just going to end up with a brand new bunch of selfish, ignorant Americans. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck. Maybe something else sucks around here... like, the public. Yeah, the public sucks. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. F*ck Hope.”

[u/drrelativity]

Amazing, I had this entire bit on a cd of one of his shows, and his delivery here is almost perfectly identical except he removed the swearing for television. I find it very impressive he can put so much passion in his delivery identically in each performance, that's god damn high level right there.

[u/kbeks]

Substitute subreddit for magazine and it’s pretty spot on

[u/G8kpr]

90% rant, 10% jokes - all Carlin

[u/Soooyeah39]

Walking?! WALKING????!!?

[u/a_is_for_a]

The Big Issue

[u/SouthParkmmmkay]

On point

[u/Lokzuhl]

george was jaded af. i think he might be my spirit animal.

[u/Minidestroy100]

“It’s a big club and you’re not in it” this man will resonate forever,because he spoke the truth!