George Carlin on Students and Parents, Phone Calls,Bluetooth....

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here's another pack of low-grade morons want to be locked into portable toilets and set on fire these people with bumper stickers that say we are the proud parents of an honor student while the Midvale Academy or whatever other innocent-sounding name has been assigned to the indoctrination center where their child has been sent to be stripped of his individuality and turned into an obedient soul dead conformist member of the American consumer culture proud parents what kind of empty people need to validate themselves through the achievements of their children house like that to live with a couple these misfits how's that science project coming along Justin fuck you dad is simple-minded prick mind your own business and pass the Cheerios here's a bumper sticker I'd like to see we are the proud parents of a child whose self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn't need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car or we are the proud parents of a child who has resisted his teachers attempts to break his spirit and bend them to the will of his corporate masters just be nicer for change you know here's something realistic we have a daughter in public school who hasn't been knocked up yet we have a son in public school hasn't shot any of his classmates yet but he does sell drugs to your honors student plus he knocked up your daughter then there are the people who aren't too proud of their children we are the embarrassed parents of a cross-eyed little nitwit who at the age of 10 not only continues to wet the bed but also shits on the school bus something like that on the back of the car might give the child a little more incentive you know get him to try a little harder next semester there are some more parents ought to be beaten with heavy clubs and left pleading in the moonlight these are the ones who carry their babies around in these backpacks or front packs or slings or whatever these devices are called that are apparently designed to leave the parents hands-free to sort through high-end merchandise and reach for their platinum credit cards because it's always these upscale yuppie looking Greenpeace environmentally conscious assholes who have mine I say hey mister this is natural I say hey mr. mrs. natural fibers it's not camping equipment it's a baby touch the little prick now and then you'll thank you for it someday these are the same people who sort their garbage jog with their dogs and listen to Steely Dan just like to take them out deep into the forest and disembowel them with a wooden cooking spoon here are some more people ought to be smashed across the face repeatedly with a piece of heavy mining equipment these grown men grown men who refer to their fathers as Madadi you know ya hear a lot of his stupid shit in the south he's rebel assholes you know my daddy not that yeah my daddy well you know my daddy used to say my daddy used to say black blood brother but remember I bet that boy did very well what not fucking enlightening my daddy used to say fuck your daddy in his wrinkled rustic rural country asshole grow up Billy Joel Carl Bob Danny Frank you're not six anymore more like nine here's another unfortunate pack of mutants who ought to be penciled in for a sudden visit from the Angel of Death these guys these guys who can't tell you about a phone call they had without giving you this shit in Pinky and the thumb like they attended mine college studied under Marcel Marceau psych or up you know I'm not talking to her and she fucking hangs up on me so I hang up on her and she calls me back I fucking hang up again I say hey Bruno thanks for the visual aid but we all understand the concept of the telephone you're holding your hand you talk into it excuse me for a note incoming call oh hey it's for you there's another bunch of pus headed telephone cretins these self-important techno dicks who walk around these hands-free telephone headsets and earpieces mr. self-important doesn't want to be too far from the phone in case Henry Kissinger calls its got the Dalai Lama on line two I say hey spaceman boys your hands are free reach over here and fondle my balls and answering machines starting with these people think it's cute to let their children record the outgoing message and you can't understand a word of it because the kids a fucking imbecile hi my name is Stacy I'm five years old my mum you dead here's my message Stacy I'm coming over to your house with a big knife and I'm going to kill mommy and daddy then I'm going to peel off their skin and make a funny hat after that I'm going to take out my huge ding dong and stick it right in your these are the same parents who at Christmas time sends you pictures of their children pictures you didn't ask for and you don't would but it is fun from the pictures away and I don't even look at the fucking Christmas card who is this LuAnn is 12 this year fuck LuAnn I I give a shit how old she is does she have any tits yet send me a picture of Luann's piss then I know I'm going to have a Happy New Year to then just to compound your holiday pleasure then close a family newsletter just what you're hoping for news about people you can barely fucking remember we're so proud of Brad he's been accepted into dental school yeah in the Philippines that before tries fuck Brad and everybody who looks like Brad judging from his picture I think he's jerking off too much keep them away from luan here's another bunch of genetic defectives have been turned loose on answering machines these guys who cannot resist the urge to put music on their outgoing message you know some guy spends eight dollars in RadioShack and suddenly is a fucking record producer because he's busy in the basement jacking off his dog hi I have to listen to substandard music that's always rotten music you know it's either new age that pointless meandering zombie noise played by pseudo spiritual lunatics who think wind chimes are a musical instrument or else it's soft rock soft rock that lame a sweet non-threatening suburban white boy junk played by bands like men without testicles oh and folks on these answering machines do me a favor would you please when you record your outgoing message don't bother telling me you can't come to the phone I understand that apparently that's why we have these machines don't tell me leave my name and number somehow I figured that out and if you work in an office never mind that stuff I'm away from my desk if you had to take a shit say so just say hi this is Mary Louise I had the Mexican jalapeno bean chili dip and I washed it down with a gallon of gin I'll be in and out all day there are some more people ought to be strapped into chairs and beaten with hammers people who wear visors let me ask you something what the fuck is the point in wearing half a hat either get a hat or don't no one's interested in the top of your head go back to the store tell them to give you the rest of the Hat they cheated you better still get yourself on the little Jewish hats and sew it to your visor and you got yourself a full-fledged fucking hat my friend here is some more musical vermin whose mother's we wish had had medical plans that included abortion these singers these singers who think they're so special they only need one name Juan Austin jewel Tiffany Prince what a crock of shit get a fucking last name would you please I got a nice two-word name for you pretentious cocksucker no it's not bad enough the music sucks but with no last name you can't find out where the Libba throw a fucking bomb through their window here are some more people who deserve an inoperable tumor at the base of their spines these guys who fly around the world in a fucking balloon what is this 1850 got a fucking airline ticket will you please weather the media going to realize no one's interested in some rich trousers staying who's so bored he's got a flyer on the ballon all day I hope the next guy gets hit by lightning it flies around a little fart circles and lands in a sewage treatment pond and sinks with the rest of the turds mr. lighter-than-air there is another packet jack-offs want to be strangled in front of their children people who pay for inexpensive items with a credit card yeah folks take my word for this Raisinets is not a major purchase get some fucking cash together no one should be paying a bank 18% interest on tic-tacs you're holding up a fucking line to some dorky-looking prick with a fanny pack waiting to be approved for a bag of Cheez doodles I need this like I need an infected scrotum get some fucking money next guy ahead of me online pays for Newsweek with a credit card is getting stabbed in the eyes and I'm getting really sick of guys named Todd you know it's just a goofy it's a goofy fucking name okay hi what's your name todd todd and this is blake and Blair and Blaine and Brent we're all these goofy fucking boys names coming from Taylor Tyler Jordan Flynn these are not real names want to hear a real name Eddie Eddie is a real name whatever happened Eddie was here a minute ago Joey and Jackie and Johnny and Phil Bobby and Tommy and Danny and Bill what happened Ty and Cody and Dillon and Cameron and Tucker tight Tucker I'm Todd boy Todd London fuck Tucker Tucker socks and fuck Tucker's friend Kyle here's another soft name for a boy Kyle soft names make soft people I'll bet you anything that ten times out of ten Nikki Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd Kyle you

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Channel: Humo Maya

Views: 3,202,923

Rating: 4.7914448 out of 5

Keywords: Phone Calls, Bluetooth, Kid's Answering Machine, Christmas Cards, Visors, Flying Ballons, Name

Id: M5UHMsVQWe8

Channel Id: undefined

Length: 14min 37sec (877 seconds)

Published: Thu May 05 2011

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