The Dragon and the Wolf | Game of Thrones Pisstake (Season 7 Episode 7)

you absolute spoons I can't believe you've done this nothing I say will ever prove your incompetence better than your own work already has Petyr Baelish is an absolute gift of a character and you were given free license to do whatever you wanted with him the possibilities were approaching boundless the opportunities for good storytelling stretching far beyond the horizon and yet you chose to do this I I'm getting ahead of myself we need to tackle this shit from the beginning buckle up buckaroo it's gonna be a bumpy ride Jesus Christ how horrifying [Music] seeing as I've finally woken up from the coma that beyond the wall sent me into let's talk about how what could have been an amazing end to this once epic shows penultimate season ended up you know not being that uh-huh instead what we got was eighty minutes of these two dirt munches dancing on the grave of their freshly murdered show to sum the episode up four things happen a big dumb meeting a smaller somehow dumber meeting the smallest get least dumb of the meetings oats X and Daddy finally comes home I know that was five things but if the unsullied are allowed to randomly fluctuate relevant numbers then why can't i for the final time this season sing along with me fuck yourself or die the final chapter of this fiery descent into storytelling hell begins with the reminder of the abusive relationship between grey worm and his helmet all the other helmets get to be worn I swear to Jim as mohel me I will turn this army around if the unsullied don't have bowls where is their piece stored so the unsullied were at Casterly Rock at the end of the Queens Justice and the Dothraki were like hear hear hear it's unclear but they were like qirush at the end of the spoils of war given that the unsullied a infantry shun did not have any mounts and their fleet was torched by Gargamel and the Dothraki alike the Dothraki howl in the jet packs feeling fuck did grey worm beat the horse boys here having crossed a continent they're at war with remember that the first mumblings of a ceasefire was only two episodes ago how did they survive that journey with no supply chain if only there was a huge amount of supplies that hadn't been pointlessly scorched then I might be able to believe this or did the mission to get the dead guy takes so long that the unsullied have been here for ages and the Dothraki were just waiting over the hills to make a dramatic entrance for Jamie's benefit I don't mean to poison the well or anything but we're one-shot into this 80 minute finale and I've already lost all believer Jude I had when I came in so instead of ending the war we're currently in which we can obviously do at any moment we're gonna put it on hold so we can have another war also can you please help us out with the other war we desperately need your army like come on it's just capture why is this meeting happening in King's Landing just choose neutral ground both sides are posturing for battle or a siege none of this is necessary you don't need three monarchs in their whole squads to sort this out just like you send a couple of people from the queen of spaces side and a couple of people from the queen of Time side to somewhere safe and neutral like the Isle of faces maybe or like you could go to the twins and also sort out who's in control of that during this meeting or how about we have the meeting at the bottom of the ocean so that maybe just maybe all this suffering will be over all the sooner having this happen that the dragon pit is all wishy and dramatic yeah obviously but it's also insane Danny gets the camp two armies in two dragons that are enemies capital for free if Circe attempts to harm Danny or anyone else her City Falls at the same time Danny puts herself inside enemy walls despite previous discussion of Cersei having laid traps this whole thing could have just been a small meeting between Tyrion and like I don't know Qyburn the Queen's hands hashing out what they're gonna do about these wars on the Isle of faces a new mysterious locale it would've been cool perhaps not so visually arresting as this but at least it would make sense but no everything in this show is and always has been in service of big dumb meetings Boyle my lord I just don't get it they're preparing for a siege why are we doing this Hey look it's Danny's third Navy you know the one she transported all those armies on Varys the on Tyrion John Davos from sandy Joris and or Danny arrives later why the fuck we bringing all these people Terry and I get but miss sandy and Jorah I I can't fuck it just get on with it sandor goes below deck to check on boots the white who is not very happy this scene is literally just to remind us that they have boots missandei makes her inclusion in this episode scantily relevant by asking Jorah to expose it about the dragon pit Bronn arrives with Brienne and Podrick so we don't have to film Girona and Lina together we are given no indication of how long they've been in King's Landing like have they been here for two weeks a couple of days or like an hour and a half because earlier they showed us Jaime being a little put off by Circe's attitude maybe we could have had a scene between him and Brienne earlier as she arrived to remind him of life outside of his sister I don't know I just think that would have made more sense than oh yeah it Brienne's here already also how because she left Winterfell well into the previous episode and it's it's just so all over the place it's a fucking mess I've been sent to Muscat you all to the meeting if you wouldn't mind becoming prisoners present surprised in an unpleasant situation can't you just talk like a normal human person for once fuck his magic cock later Bronn is a fictional character in the a Song of Ice and Fire series of fantasy novels by American author george RR martin and it's television adaptation the dragon show country 2 is more subtle role in the original series Ron's primary functioning the Dragons show is avoiding his ex and making gay jokes at other characters expense so boots went nuts from one single knock on his lid earlier but apparently doesn't give a shit about being draped across bumpy ground classic boots so temperamental fuck off sandor clegane nicknamed the Hound is a fictional character in the Song of Ice and Fire series of fantasy novels by American author george RR martin and its television adaptation the Dragons show Brienne and Sandor squabble about that time she tried to kill him Brienne seems to think that ire is just fine having met the little psycho at Winterfell she shows no remorse for interrupting the safety that sandal was granting her leaving her to become an emotionally removed robot assassin in Braavos instead we just get the vibe of an estranged divorced couple being proud of their fucked up daughter potent eerie and have a private chat in this huge crowd and everyone else is completely silent to allow for it now thanks to me you've got two trailers heads coming right through her door yeah and two armies and two dragons if anything goes wrong it's your fault that's not looking after myself I don't know what it it's good to see you again don't be weird you saw each other two episodes ago Sandor threatens to kill Lannister Guardsman inside their city but we all know he's just a big goofball so it's okay and not hostile all hahahaha fuck yet time for the biggest dumbest meeting so far knowing that they can't film Doron Flynn and Lena Headey together the writers excused Bronn from the scene in the most creative way they can think of I have to go now my planet needs me [Music] Sirius he randomly excuses himself in part from the meeting for actually no reason it's very strange especially considering that you can have both Branagh and Cersei in the same scene without Jerome and Lena filming together just put Bronn with a different group of people off to the side with Brienne and Podrick maybe and have him not really interact in the meeting at all like most people do it might add like a day of shooting and he was already at the set seems like a necessary price to avoid such an awkward excuse this land completely takes me out of the episode because it makes no sense in universe it's not bran excusing himself it's the writers excusing Jerome I'm no longer thinking about bran and Cersei I'm now thinking about Jerome and Lena solely there's a better workaround I'm leaving alum now hoppity hop away loses everything seems really suss as if something's going to happen but nothing happens this is good setup for the entire episode when nothing happens am I gonna die in the shit city fuck you I haven't talked about the music much this season but it's still great this in particular is pretty clever ramen has taken the cello line from the previous season finales light of the 7 which was in this flowing expressive compound time and is translated into simple time to evoke a stronger more militaristic feel you recognize the motif but most people won't register how it changed touch your brain dude it's really clever stuff but it's completely wasted because light of the 7 was this dramatic composition that tied together an admittedly beautiful cinematic moment featuring an allegedly masterful plot by the ruthless Cersei whereas here it doesn't really allude to anything it's just the Cersei music she hasn't really planned any traps for the others in spite of prior dialogue insisting that she must have done so you've raised my hopes and dashed them quite expertly sir Bravo Greg and Sandy have a strange conversation that everyone kind of just tries to ignore classic family reunions you know coming for you what you've always known what the queen of space arrives very aggressively with dragon just breaking shit where every walks Cersei freaks out the Danny's two and a half minutes late like oh my god and she's wearing the same color as me like oh that bitch so tyrion starts the meeting and beyond excuse me piledriver ah speak commands Theon to submit to him or he'll kill his sister Lily Allen I mean Asha great I mean Gaara this turns out to be an empty threat which is exactly what we all wanted from euron greyjoy hooray I think we ought to begin with larger concerns kind of a dick thing to say if I'm honest sure you're on interrupted you and hijacked the meeting but come on bro that's Theon sister you're a lie pretty much the only leverage Circe's crew has over you right now I mean if you want to address it later in the meeting that's fine but are you sure it's really just not at all but the scene is half an hour long what the fuck else do they talk about oh you're fucking kidding me the smallest concern here do you remember when we discussed four trips get fucked Tyrians referring to that scene in season 6 very scolded Theon about that scene in season 1 except the things he said happened didn't happen at all but if we keep saying untrue things they'll eventually become the truth right Santa is smart john loves Dany Theon was a dick to Tyrion glider six two dead lights see it just doesn't fucking work like that so we later learned that neurons behavior to leave the meeting is just an axe incredible twist by the way so is this borderline insubordination and act as well did they plan that did Cersei ask your on to make a garbage dwarf joke or is he really just a big enough dick to question Jaime's orders perhaps you ought to sit down this huge scene with a shit ton of characters from different plot lines is reminding me of that one huge movie with a shit ton of characters from different plot lines except that movie is actually fucking brilliant and this scene is a greasy mess on wheels hmm maybe throwing every single character into a huge meeting for no reason somehow isn't going to make the greatest scene in television history perhaps maybe hmm maybe a boring non character we know nothing about isn't exactly the most compelling antagonist hmm maybe if I pour the vinegar into the baking soda it Wow would you look at that through the sodium in the water Kapow anyway the meeting actually begins you asking me for a truce yes that's all yeah but why you got your armies here right and your dragons just end it now for fuck's sake it's so pointless nobody tries to do anything interesting this whole meeting no this whole episode no the whole season there is no conversation that will erase the last 50 years Tyrion what the fuck are you talking about did you know we're only a quarter of the way through this undercooked chicken of an episode Oh right sandal retrieves boots from under the staircase even though last we saw it the crate was outside the dogging pipe with the horse-and-cart it takes a full 70 seconds between teary and telling us we're going to see the white now and are seeing the white now there's lots of people looking pensively of one another and sandal slowly unsealing the crate as if to build suspense but like we already know what's in there it was the entire point of the previous episode and you reminded us of it at the start of this episode I do not understand so boots sees some new friends and wants to play with them but he gets punished even though nobody explained the rules to him it's unfair and then he gets cut in half even more unfair so the demonstration works when everyone is reacting suitably to this undead monstrosity they really lucked out here to be honest considering they had no idea if the white could survive this far removed from the night king like there was no consideration at all there was every chance that boots would become a regular old Skellington as soon as they went south of the wall Qyburn is sporting a massive stiffy right now we can destroy them by burning them and we can destroy them with dragonglass but john can't we just use kendrys completely normal hammer and did you even watch beyond the wall they swim no no they swim no there's no they use the dead guy as Iran's excuse to fake abandoned Sochi even though there were two dragons circling above earlier I guess they needed him to be a rapscallion to Theon before he left yeah that's that was important I actually really like pilaf aspects performance here before guy thought he was going to get an awesome character to play and they stuck it out when they gave him this shit good for him the crown except you choose key whore so she agrees to the piece which is the whole reason we came here and did all this but only on the condition that Jon doesn't take sides in the war to come knowing that Dany has two dragons and two infinitely replenishing armies and she's already eviscerated that one lannister tally army with ease and without any northerner wildling assistance this should be a no-brainer unfortunately Jon has an anti brain so even when he's offered the most important thing John is not willing to make the most menial and pointless of concessions I cannot serve two Queens that's not she asked she doesn't want you to serve her she said in return the king in the north will extend this truce he will not take up arms against the Lannisters he will not choose sides she's literally just asking for your neutrality which is totes worth it for the peaks you need to defeat the guy in the Viserys wig and besides that she referred to you as king in the north she's not even questioning your legitimacy be it known that this whole conflict they have to deal with was based on John misinterpreting what Cersei asked him did you not hear her I know it's awkward but you can ask her to repeat herself the big issue here is how stupidly simple it would be for this to actually make sense all you'd have to do is change what Cersei said to be what John thinks she said no extra hassle at all instead she asked for something pretty reasonable and John refuses out of stupidity even though it's the one reason they did any of this Viserion Soros Internet historian 800 of the wildling fungi and boots all died for this meeting to happen you fucking moron you fucking morons Cersei storms off because well you would unreasonable and leaves everyone to just kinda chill in the Dargan pipe with her guards and boots remains Brienne has a quick yell at Jaime to try to accomplish anything I guess loyalty she wants Jaime to fight for what's right rather than what he's sworn to fight for this is one itty-bitty step away from being actual character development so we have an incident that changes the way Brienne thinks witnessing the dead dude and then her expressing a different idea that some things can be more important than loyalty and oaths it's good but what we're missing is the first step the initial idea what we needed was an earlier scene where Brienne expressed that nothing was more important than loyalty this could have been really great because her entire story has been concerned with oaths and honor and loyalty well I mean it's really annoying because the very next thing that happens is the three amigos bickering about oaths and loyalty and honor so for some reason they decide that someone needs to 1v1 Cersei John reckons this is his fault which shock and horror he's actually right about something but Tyrion says definitely murder you which like why I just don't get it he then volunteers to go himself because he's never shown any interest in killing him but nope none at all Cersei murdered Tyrion get out of town with this that may get this straight does anyone here not have amnesia why not send like Jorah or Davos or anyone other than Tyrion yes yes the epic showdown between him and Cersei I know but the premise is so wonky it feels like MC Escher wrote this on the bright side we're finally fuckin done with this Saint oh god damn it there's always another one but first there's a little chat between the brothers who suddenly have no animosity towards each other I want to talk bran if I ever saw you again I'd cut you enough it could make sense if it's like the dead dude changed the way we think but that Avenue isn't explored because say it with me this time there's no time for that they hyped this meeting so much and play up the ominous music like she's the fucking Emperor in the throne room but it's just her she in like a chair she's not even the queen of space Circe's position is that Tyrion wants to destroy their family and she's pretty justified in that considering that he killed Tywin and you know is at war with them a war that you know does destroy their family hate me for it if you want I hate myself for it and you you maybe I'm coming from an unfair point of comparison but in a dance with dragons we are constantly hit over the head with Tyrion self loathing and disgust in himself which in season 5 is traded out for a few episodes of him being drunk and lost in life and that isn't even explicitly attributed to his patricide beyond that we haven't seen Tyrion express any remorse or self-hatred for killing Tywin until right this moment don't worry about what actually happened just say things and they'll become true the people watching this in bars won't even hear it who cares mix the red pain and the blue paint and well would you look at that it's lime the sea lion says that killing Tywin ruined everything which yes she says you need us better the vote isn't the vote just came and talked as a reference to the fourth book in the series a banquet for vultures very clever she accuses him of indirectly killing Miss Ella and Tommen which if we're blaming people for creating the circumstances in which tragedies occurred I think you're at default in Tyrion is okay Tyrion challenges Cersei to kill him and she like doesn't the idea that says he doesn't want to kill Tyrion just ruins everything this woman exploded her cousin and her son's in-laws not to mention a holy site and their religions highest office and like two weeks ago she forced a woman to live in squalor and watch her daughter wither to death and that was his vengeance for one of the crimes she's just attributed to Tyrion and as Tyrion told us like 40 seconds ago she has already tried to kill Tyrion and yet when invited to kill him she just doesn't is it because she's pregnant what they just don't give us a reason and Tyrion knew that she wouldn't kill him that's why he went here instead of John or Dany apparently right Cersei would definitely kill Jon but Tyrion is somehow confident that she won't kill him right there and fuck wouldn't it be more interesting if she actually did it like took him prisoner maybe is collateral for the peace I get that you don't want Tyrion to die but if you want me to believe in your story in these characters then maybe don't put him in a situation where he should certainly die anyway Tyrion asked so she was she led these meetings happen if she wasn't going to do anything but instead of answering the writers play the reverse card who did you have close one do you almost expose your plot making no sense would have put me right out of the job good thing they never answer this question I mean she later talks about the fear that boots gave her but that doesn't explain why she allowed the meeting Tyrion picks up on the obvious bait that she's pregnant and that's like that's it while inconsequential it is true so she had nothing planned she had your own lie about leaving and she lies about going to help them in the north I guess but as far as so she goes that's tame as fuck how about she notices that she has an enemy that isn't here in Littlefinger why doesn't she like demand Paytas neutrality or his loyalty and then Jon's like Yara was done with him anyway and Dan is like who is that even but then the thing happens at Winterfell and that ruins the whole deal and like I know it's not great but at least it's something you press the close premiere button and it closes premiere how about that back at the doll you have to be fucking kidding me after a hundred and seventy years at least a dozen seasonal cycles countless storms and breezes and people tending to the dragon pit generation of Targaryens displaying them in 20 years of Roberts efforts to hide any trace of them John snow picks up a dragon jaw it's just it's just laying there hanging out Danny tells him she respects all the way he ruined everything and rendered the entire season pointless Tyrion was sent to make it unless but at a certain point the point is too far removed to ever be pointed at much like the point of this sentence haha this place was the beginning of the end for my family the alternative was letting dragons fly free and wreak havoc across the land dragons and nukes with wings and wishes of their own and Danny is advocating for their unchecked freedom which explains John's facial expression here we weren't extraordinary without them so she by the way they're just randomly making idle chitchat waiting for Tyrion to come back dead or alive so Danny laments that her group of people is no longer superior to others and John being a realistic pragmatic sort of guy says maybe that's for the best you know not like everyone else oh oh I see I see what's going on here let's for fun examine Jon's interactions and impressions of Danny to see exactly where and when and why he apparently fell in love with her in Episode two she demands his presence at Dragonstone when they meet in episode 3 they argue about a bunch of stuff Danny shows herself to be a petulant bitch who doesn't respect the Northman or their independence and is uneducated on the recent history of the continent she intends to conquer the last king in the North was Torrance stark he lost two brothers as well she then basically imprisons him for not immediately tending to her every whim am I your prisoner not yet she later after some nudging from the dwarf and a small amount of getting to know each other allows him to access the resource she didn't know about so that he can save the world how sweet then they walk through a cave together and look at some shitty largely irrelevant drawings they keep arguing about the same shit like they're already a married couple I guess they quote season five to one another as all true lovers do then when news of the Bhatt strategy comes through she asks for his advice she then goes to murder a bunch of people Jon meets drogon and dodges questions about its past she eventually allows him to leave to go do a thing for her she then saves his us and he uses the nickname her abusive brother used to call her and then he ruined their entire plan at a big dumb meeting and then it was now you know what I'm gonna say it it's a worse love story than Twilight they expect me to think that John feels as strongly for Dany as he did for Ygritte fuck them fuck this and fuck whoever told me that this episode wasn't as bad as beyond the wall at least that episode wears its faults on the surface this episode is an iceberg of bullshit sure some flaws are visible from above but there are so many more lurking beneath the waters which themselves are also bullshit fuck the amnesia water these guys have been drinking the bullshit water black water rush I can't have children who told you that they weren't you murdered my husband no not true she never said that in the books sure Mary said the thing about her womb the quickening but as far as we know Daenerys hasn't actually read a game of Thrones also you're the one that killed Drogo just have you have you seemed game of throne I can't pretend that says he won't to take back half the country the moment how much no wait you've conquered stuff when did that happen Cersei took Highgarden we've had no updates on dawn the storm ends or the Riverlands sure you won that battle but you didn't like take any land there so far as we know what are you talking about it appears to his assessment was correct well actually Tyrion hasn't been right about anything at all but if you look at folks oh I get that it was a funny haha you got me the bite-sized moron returns and all right all of these characters are here too for some reason it's weird how they made such a huge deal of this meeting with all these characters and only like four of them were at all relevant Cersei says she'll stop doing the thing and start doing the other thing no promises or shorts see this is weird Cersei has leverage in this whole situation so if she was planning the double stab back cross the whole time why didn't she ask anything of Danny's side I mean she initially asked for John's neutrality but she budged on that because Siri and apologize for her children's deaths make something else of it why not ask for varus's head or Turing's imprisonment or peter's loyalty or anything you cut away from the private Cersei tyrion saying so why not have like something going on between it's just like yeah and you thought that was stupid that was nothing kiddo here we fucking go never ask my opinion why he's done first of all John's a king he doesn't need to check with you before doing things get that through your thick fucking skull Sansa Sansa it rhymes with bonanza secondly remember that other time you got annoyed at him for not asking your opinion and then he did ask for your opinion and your answer was well I don't fucking know even though you had an army that could solve his problems and also spare your brother from being killed maybe that has something to do with why he's not consulting you on how many times he has to shake his dick after pissing the sock shifts to Arya and Peter suggests that Sansa try assuming the worst to figure out are his motives interestingly if you try to apply the same logic to Peters actions you get cordon of mental feedback loop and the accumulating information density gets so high that your brain becomes a black hole and you get transported to an alternate backwards reality where hot snow falls up Game of Thrones makes sense and this video isn't demonetized it's decent advice I guess to be prepared for the worst but Sansa reaches the conclusion that Arya is going to kill her to become Lady of Winterfell and then rolls with it even though this whole exercise is a game anyhow answer is just taking Peter at face value through this scene hahahahahahahahaha we're already back at Dargan ston because pacing is just a lie critics invented to make us look bad the Dothraki are apparently going to ride from King's Landing to Winterfell in a matter of two weeks courtesy of Kai burns continental shrink-ray the unsullied they're going to sail to white Harbor on these five ships that Dany still has Jorah says Danny should fly to Winterfell because she has enemies in the north Danny's rebranding and arriving on dragon bat isn't good for optics so she chooses to arrive on horseback like a pleb John versity on time Davos leaves because he knows he's not needed in this scene or any scene or really in the show at all to rephrase Davos leaves to see someone about writing himself out of this thing Theon Pat's John on the back for not lying to Cersei instead of clarifying what says he actually meant because he doesn't want to make John feel stupid we know what was right they did this with Sansa - they're trying to build on a past relationship between these two characters but there wasn't one to begin with the first time we saw Theon and John interact in any significant way was two episodes ago sure Theon was a bit of a dick to him in the very first episode but that has no bearing on this conversation the underlying emotion of the scene is there though Theon feels that John has his shit together and he's all like brother I don't I have my shit together but John tells him but now guy my shits all over the place it just looks together from that specific angle Theon says yeah well my shit's fuckin smeared all over the walls and John's like yep not sure why you did that because this scene is kind of like setting up the end of Theon Sark the Theon Greyjoy story or trauma only makes you strong if you're a woman very interesting assessment dragons show her father was more of a father to you than yours ever was he was a new betrayed Theon never betrayed Ned what are you talking about traitors memory ah you get off with the technicality on this one you're a Greyjoy and you're a Greyjoy and yes look there was an impossible choice I had some dear great joy I'm a lot here a wizard theone resolves to Savior because she tried to save him that one time so why are you still talking to me I was hoping to get some help ahahahaha he gets kicked in the dick but he doesn't have a dick it's comedy goats that's my secret cat I don't have a penis I have it on good authority that the lack of external genitals there doesn't make blunt force to the groin painless that shit's gonna hurt no matter what ever been kicked in the taint it fucking kills this shit's gonna hurt no matter what this is so baseless and infeasible and irrelevant and like what even is the tone supposed to be I can only assume they meant this to be comedic but isn't this supposed to be like the redemption point of Theon Zach he just got the go-ahead from the broad or on to be a good guy and here he's trying to win his people back but I guess there's enough room in the run time for this not dick joke no I'm who even is this guy by the way who just picked a fight with his Queens brother for no real reason at all sure they are neither the wind but maybe he could have given us anything to work with here anyway Steve the Ironborn is so caught off guard that it loses the fight that they even tried to make this episode good be honest so happy with himself that he decides to go pour some salt water in his open wounds can I leave now oh hell yeah it's the worst scene ever until the next worst scene ever Santa summons everyone to the hole for a surprise party Brad's here where did you come from I thought you were dead I thought bran was dead are you sure you want to do this no I don't want to talk about this scene I want to stay home and read fan fiction it's not what I want demands oh I didn't tell you guys about this this whole season I've actually had a good dialogue count of running it silly me I almost forgot about it nice great job writers how do you answer these charges Lord Baelish what oh my god this is so dumb you were gonna have to wipe the smirk off your face no no they're confused a bit come I'm so confused I've come out the other side and now I understand everything on a spiritual level see remember when you told answer that doing things that made no sense whatsoever was the way to outplay your opponents a man with no motive is a man no one suspect well couple that with your other advice that you need to think about everything all the time and you're constantly thinking of ways to nonsensically counteract things that aren't even happening as a result Sansa's intergalactic brain wizard powers have created countless alternate realities the things happening in these realities don't make sense in their own closed system but if you look at the bigger picture you'll see that there aren't enough drugs in the universe to make this comprehensible you murdered our aunt Lysa Arryn Royce has Santas testimony that he didn't kill Lysa so it's weird that he's not questioning this do you deny it I mean he definitely should either Peter fails to respect brands omniscience in which case he should rely on the lack of evidence for this crime or he does respect brands know everything this in which case he should have left Winterfell three or four episodes ago or at least tried to kill bran do you see what I'm talking about these are binary issues and the story Joan doesn't adhere to either possible outcome for some characters this can be fine Catelyn for example did a logical shit all the time but it made sense given her personality but Peter is supposed to be a diplomatic Chad brain if you wanted him to be in this situation try to make it plausible maybe don't tell him about the omniscient evidence machine Sansa goes on to accuse him of being behind the deaths of Jon Arryn and Ned he's like yeah well none of you were there so the Starks play their ace in the hole I guess you said I didn't warn you not to trust me this would have been more of an oh shit if we didn't have the chaos as a dagger scene do you see why I say that that scene was such a terrible idea anyway brans word is apparently just the truth I mean Walken seen him skin change so he knows there's something fucked up going on with bran but it's not as though the kid can never lie how is he not prepared for this by the way every possible series of events is happening all at once live that way and nothing was prai's you know they're confused you told our mother this knife belonged to Tyrion Lannister as yours weed that they don't directly pin the attempt on brans life on Peter like just come out and say it this is actually what the crux of the trial should be about seeing as Santa's own testimony nullifies the accusation of Lysa's murder there's no evidence for the John Aaron murder even though this season provided the reason for why there should be evidence for it I'll check mr. Lewin's records Heath kept a copy of every raven scroll oh well the net betrayal was actually paid to just being loyal to his own king who like it or not Ned was committing treason against and also by the way so many people were there for that and selling Sansa to the Bolton's was kind of just a big oaks on his part then again the only evidence for the brand side accusation is the existence of the dagger and the word of a dub-dub teenager this is a trial by the way can sister against sister that's what you did to our mother and aunt Lysa I mean no but I guess that might be true in one of your infinite and he sends alternate timelines as if this is some kind of big outsmarting of Littlefinger where he finally gets his comeuppance from the student he underestimated that's what we wanted but it's not what's happening here and I haven't even gotten into the whole thing of Sansa and Arya pretending to hate each other or was it real and they were just told what was going on by brand off-screen sometime because fuck context or was it both real and not real simultaneously it's no use you know you can print the script out and tear it up but the episode still exists I command you to escort me safely back to the Eyrie the fuck man that was your plan just ask Royce to get you out of there god damn I feel bad for Aiden Gillen what a waste of a performance spend years acting a master schemer only to have it tumbled down because the writers room is more interested in a virtuous victory than an interesting consistent story Petyr Baelish shouldn't be begging anyone for anything unless he's been legitimately outwitted at every turn even the all-knowing tree kid shouldn't have faced and because he found out about it almost instantly and could have just left and people still defend season 7 thank you for all your many lessons Lord Baelish I will never forget them the man who passes the sentence is really sort hey remember when our you're accused answer of having served the Lannisters and how that was like a big point of contention for her and how she claims she would never do so herself I was a child so was i I would have let them kill me before I betrayed my family the girls proven herself a good servant they wouldn't think much of lady sounds if they knew how she did sir she's bidding the girls proven herself a good servant interesting show we have here so they included the scene with Theon gets kicked in the not dick but somehow couldn't find the time to keep in the crucial scene where bran explains what's going on this episode was nominated for eight Emmys by the way Jamie's organizing his forces to go north but Cersei chooses now to explain her plan to him because she doesn't tell him these things beforehand I guess wait actually she doesn't entirely trust him because he met in secret with Tyrion at one time which I guess makes sense except no because Jamie didn't know about that maybe until it had happened yeah nothing to do with organising it and he told her about it at the earliest opportunity he hasn't betrayed her trust at all any whom Steve and Cersei doesn't see the point in going because she's read the season 8 script and knows it's not worth it she's actually acting like good old selfish Cersei thank fuck what Lance did you lose so she assumes that a dragon has died because she only saw two at the pit which is a bit of a leap to conclude 20,000 men horses elephants I believe she threatens to kill Jaime when he decides to honor the pledge to ride north but seeing as we saw her not kill Tyrion earlier there's just no suspense like killing Jaime here would somehow make even less sense than Peters death so even if it did happen it would feel like bullshit like that lying to us about the characters and don't get me wrong they constantly are lying to us about the characters and that's why there's no suspense either it doesn't happen or it does happen and it feels cheap and unearned and then it just kind of walks out and Gregor does nothing no there's snow in King's Landing weren't to hers comb there's some very pretty and eerie and strange shots of the city for some reason it's kind of out of place but the pacing of this episode is all over the shop to begin with it just strikes me as 74 seconds we could have had put towards that super-important Branson I have to think that that same didn't actually clarify anything and only pointed out how batshit the plot is and that's why they cut it it's a big hike speaking of yikes Sam and Gilly arrived in Winterfell oh no must have borrowed the ancient high tower Valyrian steel jetpack when he left the Citadel Aria had trouble getting into Winterfell but I guess it's easy for Sam it's difficult to explain oh I can see things happening now all over the world why did you come to Winterfell I know everything please tell me why you're here also I have no news for you about your family it'll be more dramatic if someone else tells you later trust me I'm a tree uh-huh he saw this in a fishing whoa ease up tiger he just straight-up says R plus L with no prompting calm down bro his last name isn't really snow it's sand for someone who knows everything you really don't know things maybe you should take up thinking again for the people in the back the bastard name isn't from where you're born it's from where you're raised how could you get this wrong so the first time bran happens to blurt out John's parentage he happens to say it to the one guy who knows the other piece of that puzzle and just like with Stannis's dragonglass Sam had forgotten about it until he'd been told it was important like how do you hear about rhaegar targaryen secret marriage and not think twice about it it's not some long-lost distant historical anecdote this was only 20-something years ago surely and a cholai that the Citadel would freak out over this information I know anyway did bran know that Sam would know something about this or was it just a monumental coincidence that he was the first person he told because why wouldn't he have told mirror or Benjen or Sansa Arya or Peter or Balkan or anyone is because Sam is the first good person he's seen since learning it you're a good man take that mirror I guess so everyone threw a big hissy fit about the night king looking like Viserys as though they're like brothers or something I know how dare they honestly I couldn't give half a dusty fuck this is so far down the list of issues with this episode in season yet somehow it's made its way onto the actual Wikipedia page Robert's rebellion was Bill ah-ha-ah-ha tell me more about how things that happened didn't happen did you guys know that regards stock never died still alive in facts and Brandon yes also alive hiding on skagos with a herd of unicorns is very brave your brother your father too I didn't have to die like that Brandon was as arrogant as he was stupid like his father Lord Stark they earned their fates your father burned my grandfather alive he burned my uncle alive what's rebellion was built on a lie nice going guys it is clever to have brand narrate the reveal over John and Danny but let's not pretend that this is the actual R plus L revealed they did that a whole season ago and it was actually kind of tasteful this here is like a weird very blunt and obvious hey cunts in case you missed it he's not Ned's boat sex time Tyrion vaguely stares at boats X this implies something Dinklage won an Emmy for this episode hi I'm Prince Rhaegar this is my daughter Rainey's and these are my sons Aegon and Aegon is the heir to the Iron Throne he needs to know I wouldn't worry about it brand it probably doesn't matter that much in his own horrible way I believe he loved me you know for a fact that he did you interdimensional buffoon you're the strongest person I know she's the smartest person I've ever met have you seen Season eight but also cop that Brienne lone wolf dies but the packs the lone wolf dies at the packs oh yeah the existential threat the wall falls and bran decides to watch without warning anyone for a laugh hey it's those Ravens that could have helped with that whole thing glad they're still around what the hell were you expecting only one thing comes out of the sky in this show holy shit this is underwhelming it would have been an incredible shock if you hadn't shown us Vissarion coming back at the end of the previous episode what a waste what is that you're breathing it's just Dragon Fire except we've made it blue because that's the undead color does anyone have any clue what's going on how great is this shot of Rhaegar I don't know man he's got some pretty big holes in his wings how did berrykin Tallman survive this and get away from the army I just don't know door was open chief break everything the wall falling due to no fault of brands is dumb there should be some folly of his involved in this remind us of ray gars mark that should be how he gets through it not a big exploding laser from an undead dragon he didn't know he was getting until he got it it's like everything else this season was not thought through this episode could have actually been well not good but exciting at the very least were it not for the rest of the season spoiling its twists the hacks in charge of this thing have been prematurely ejaculating all season long I said it earlier showing us the undead vissarion and beyond the wall was very dumb it added nothing to that episode and took a good deal of surprise away from this one and if we hadn't known that sir she was pregnant until this episode that would have been a good twist too and if Jamie didn't know until the same way he leaves so that kind of elevated the possible scene in the terrible episode to an incredible scene as it stands it's still the best scene of the episode but that's like pointing out the best-smelling piece of dogshit bay here on the footpath there's so much wrong with this episode on every level of analysis you can pick nits out of the minutiae all day long sure that's what this video was but it's important to not lose track of the bigger picture yes most lines of dialogue are either plain old dumb or contradict the Canon and it's fun to delve into that and get all angry and while bad dialogue is a big problem it's not what causes a story to shatter from its foundations that shit goes way deeper than poorly written lines thank fuck we're done with that sorry I took my time with this one but come on just look at this thing unreasonable we'll get to seasons five and six someday but I've got to stop being negative for a bit and talk about the things I love so my next video will be back to season one with God review Arya I'm not gonna say when because we all know what happens when I say that kind of thing thank you for indulging in a parasocial relationship with me your favorite person who makes exactly the kind of video that I make a special thank you to those who have mastered their end of the deal by giving me money Andreia stay 78 cleaners gabriel hydra 74 sash Zacks involved and Jonah Wiegand I've got plenty of ideas for other videos but patrons gotta go on voting for them so everyone else will just have to wait and see stay frosty see you in the next thing wait what the fuck happened in the next scene Theon is trying to gain access to the salty spitoon I gotta go pick a fight with a muscular stranger I don't have time for this hey how come you never help us out with our problems I am a robot not a miracle worker Oh [Music]

Channel: Glidus

Views: 874,527

Keywords:

Id: 8Ku9c0mH-oE

Length: 44min 21sec (2661 seconds)

Published: Tue Jul 07 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/_earendil_]

Every time i saw Baelish's throat getting cut, i wanted to do the same to myself. Seven hells was that death unearned... Lord Baelish shoud've just gone to the Eyrie as soon as Bran started spewing shit...smh. My favourite character down the drain. The same way his blood flowed into the floor, my life essence did the same with me.