Funniest D&D player Items #2

hey everybody brian von va here are you ready for a really really good question for the day what is the funniest item you have given your players part two i'm excited okay so i roll up random attributes for the crafted items in my world since magically crafted items in my world is a new concept and people are trying out new enchants and seeing what they can do this one took the cake the power play acted as a plus one hand crossbow however the wielder can spend a full turn to eat the crossbow to gain the benefits of a long rest this effect has to be in the view of enemies and will not work while in cover when consumed the crossbow will cause you no harm however it will taste like a crossbow as you eat it wood metal and all if a bolt is loaded in the chamber at the time of consumption the bolt will taste like a freshly baked apple pie which will serve as a fulfilling meal that will grant five temporary hit points the whole table was dumbfounded as i explained the effect of this crossbow and have yet to actually try to consume it i don't blame them actually through the use of a random loot generator i gave my players a few items one was a scroll of peculiar abduration 24 hours after reading you have advantage on saving throws against being pushed over the edge of a volcanic precipice another in the same batch was a potion of lava breathing can breathe normally in lava for one hour does not provide protection against heat or fire damage another was a floating breastplate it floats on water when not worn not the dm but in the party where this happened the city's magical blacksmith was selling a new weapon he created a plus one magic lance that has three charges once per turn he can use a bonus action to burn one charge to heal himself or an ally he touches with it for 2d10 health the weapon's name the ambulance it's so cheesy i love it it is now our paladin's primary weapon oh no gilbert god freed as a sword it's a plus two rapier that has been possessed by the soul of a stand-up bard cast six level vicious mockery on a bonus and once they have helped advance the sword's career far enough it'll also cast hideous laughter twice a day the thing is the sword is currently a little fussy and will sometimes just tell bad jokes instead of doing what it was told to do all of this of course was done in my best gilbert god freed impression one of my party members got a fake beard today i'm not entirely sure as of what it does yet it's called the beard of chad it makes him immune to the effects of alcohol good to win a drinking game against our man-child paladin proficiency and intimidation and plus one charisma these are the positive sides the curse has been hinted at to be hilarious part of it means he can't take it off i'm excited to see what it is next week staff of striking cursed when a pc uses this staff to attack or cause an effect a small placard pops from the end which reads on strike and then the staff would go limp ring of protection cursed no effect unless the person wearing it is sexually aroused at which point the ring will summon a condom into the player's hand i didn't really give this item to a player but instead cursed an item he already had he was a mute monk who had a spear that he had recently managed to have enchanted to do thunder damage upon using the spear to kill a mummy the spear was cursed so that the thundering sound the spear made was the sound of a massive fart the spear of ultimate flatulation wielded by the quietest person in our group made for many laughs and how many people can say they have a spear that does an extra 2d fart damage arrow of slaying party found it in a caravan carrying some weapons and armor to the city but had been attacked as they were investigating they were jumped by some orcs that were coming back to take what they left behind they had an ogre mage with them well during the fight one of the rogues sees these big arrows and a small ballista in the back of this wagon she takes her turn setting it up and prepping to shoot and when her initiative came around again she looked to me and said i'm shooting the ogre the aguero big target should do quite a bit she rolls her attack and i start laughing as it didn't matter i described to her as the big arrow lets loose from the ballista it goes out about 10 feet then plops to the ground in the form of a four-seater toboggan she flops back in her chair and throws her hands up going i i don't know what to do so her rogue was out for a couple rounds until she was able to collect her thoughts again after the fight the group had a good laugh about it but in that moment the player didn't think it was all that funny and we still talk about it to this day the wand of disappointment my party at level one encountered a magic shop at level one they couldn't afford any of the really nice magic items so they left without buying anything they were then approached by a really shady peddler i see you've got an interest in magic items would you be interested in purchasing the legendary wand of disappointment they asked what the one does and the peddler replied that he didn't know as the wizard who sold it to him never told him the price was 10 gold pieces the party haggled him down to a handful of silver and the rogue gleefully took possession of the wand how do i use it she asked and the peddler directed her back into the magic shop for instructions placing the wand before the shopkeeper for advice they just looked the rogue dead in the eye and flatly said that's a stick i'm sorry i could i could barely say that my dm decided to give my druid a magical longsword that was made of water and let me be proficient with it because i was a coastal druid think surfer dude the nature of the sword allowed me to sheath the sword in a container like a water skin rather than an actual sheath so when i tried to put the sword away the dm asked if i had a container for it and i did see part of my druid's backstory was that he enjoyed making his own wine utilizing good berry no healing ability just good wine when i was looking through my character sheet to check for a container for the sword i made a joking comment about having my pouch full of my wine the dm took that combined with my character's low intelligence score and said that i sheet the sword into my wine accidentally and the two mixed together that's how i ended up with my goodberry wine longsword any target hit by it would need to make a con save against the alcohol in the first fight i tried out my new sword a minor water elemental ended up intoxicated that's pretty brilliant my party likes to spontaneously go on shopping trips and when i don't have something specifically prepared i like to pull out my huge deck of magic item cards just so i can have something cool at the ready so last session they did just that and i asked everyone individually what kind of items they were looking for so i could narrow down some interesting cards quickly when the erica bard states she wants to look for magical musical instruments i start thumbing through my cards and don't really see anything special that isn't close to what she already has when the idea strikes me pipes of haunting but it's a vuvuzela or vuvuzela depending on where you're from initially she was ecstatic about the idea but then she remembered that she couldn't play wind instruments due to being a bird that's when another one of the players recommended a ukulele and that's how the ukulele of phantasms was born i let her keep the same abilities that the pipes of haunting had only converted them into the form of the ukulele and this bard is absolutely in love with her new torture device now brandishing her now named spooka laylee i love that she is prepared to scare the ever loving daylights out of anyone and anything that crosses her path during our session zero i gave every one one magical item that fit their character's personalities mostly joke items gave my buddy the world's fanciest hat when worn it makes it so that you are accepted into any social group as if you're part of the group they still know who you are and may not like you even but they won't shame or look down on you they would accept you as you're one of them he used it to get into any and every big party ball without ever having to roll the dice turns out i'd given him the hat of i'm gonna go party with the king you peasants hat he's been a bit snobby lately best item i ever gave my players was the magic sphere of scrying and foretelling a black sphere with a shape of the number eight on it oh god [Laughter] once a day it could cast the scrying spell which was never used also you could ask it a question and shake it to receive a portent of the future the rogue would take these answers as absolute truth and never question them even though i clearly rolled a die and consulted a chart for the answer which were like outlook not so good count on it reply hazy try again the best thing about it was probably the utter face palm one of my players did when he guessed it was just a magic eight ball there was also the tinfoil helmet which provided mind protection and even more so against conspiracies or government and lastly the sex panther which would have a 60 chance to charm the opposite gender at a 40 chance to cast stinking cloud pretty silly campaign but we had a lot of laughs naked glasses the wearer appears invisible but only to themselves to everyone else it appears as though the wearer's clothes have disappeared they were sold to my rogue advertised as glasses of invisibility our new party member was in the same shop as me so wanting to test my new item i put the glasses on turned to them and asked am i invisible and that was my character's first interaction with the new pc gave them an infinite cheese wheel that replenishes every bite taken they cut it in half now they had two unstable infinite cheese wheels that multiply whenever even the smallest force is applied gravity and the wind counting now they had a big problem in the form of a gargantuan mass of cheese that was swallowing the city the mentalist it was anima beyond fantasy lifted it with his telekinetic powers and when they realized attacking it was making the cheese multiply faster he teleported the cheese to the space where it slowly multiplies and now it's a force powerful enough to be summoned as an invocation typical invocations from rpgs when entity manifest to do x effect and then leaves which packed its to only eat cheese for the rest of your life and the invocation one send enemy to the great mass of cheese the other turns an enemy into cheese and the other two are cheesier strike from the great mass of cheese itself and a shower of cheesy rights hey everyone brian von viet here had a good few belly laughs with this one i must say and if you had a good time too make sure to leave a like subscribe ring that bell and leave a comment with some love in it too if you'd like to submit a story head on over to r slash mr ripper or subreddit and leave a story in an existing thread make one of your own or flex on the world with a big bad one-off using a help action you can come subscribe to yours truly your local neighborhood positive narrator brian von viet aka me clicking on that big face in the middle or following the links in the description you can come join me on my journey to 1k and beyond as i give you voice acting tips tricks challenges and even some gaming streams twice a week before heading out i just wanted to say i truly do appreciate every single one of you and i thank all of you for being here it's truly an honor to bring smiles to your faces especially in these weird times so from me to you please keep being strong and keep on talking don't let your body boil over with stress vent it out to your friends family their loved ones and even us in the comments too we care about you and no one wants to see you suffering all the love everyone be safe and we'll see you next time

Channel: MrRipper

Views: 50,397

Rating: 4.9679093 out of 5

Keywords: Funny Dungeons & Dragon stories, MrRipper, Funny D&D itimes, reddit stories, dungeons and dragons night coast, please sub for nat 20s

Id: vYeyb3D9q08

Length: 13min 21sec (801 seconds)

Published: Mon Nov 16 2020