D&D players, What is the Best One-Liner in your campaign? #1 (r/MrRipper)

why hello there kind traveler it's me dave makes noises the ryan reynolds of dungeons and dragon storytelling on youtube today's video comes straight from our very own subreddit r mr ripper if you're curious as to how you may be able to get your story shared on the channel feel free to drop it in there and share it with us we live stream every sunday and wednesday at 2 p.m pacific 5 p.m eastern 10 pm gmt so please join us for that and with that bit of business behind us i beseech the d d players of r slash mr ripper what is the best one-liner in your campaign my group has a whiteboard where we write the best lines by our players do you have any great one-liners to make everyone's day better i'll go first my party member had failed his last death save just as the fight ended as the respectable necromancer i am i took his body with me when we got back to our base the player's new character was waiting for us when i was confronted about the body i responded it's not grave robbery if there's no grave my human thief a d and d first edition was with the rest of the party fighting a room of automaton chickens my character ran through the middle of the mechanical horde stepping on the backs of robotic birds in order to help take care of the horde from behind one of the chicken's crit dealing 20 plus damage knocking my thief to negative 9 minus 10 was when i died before i fell unconscious i let out the phrase that broke the table for 20 plus minutes your mom was probably a vibrator i think the one that's been brought up the most has to be the four gold line a campaign has a traveling merchant that our party unfortunately has run into multiple times on our journey he's a shady old man with a roulette where each spin costs 4 gold and winning on the roulette would result in getting various magic items if you bought one or more spins you'd have to roll a d20 to see if you won anything either a 1 or 20 works but a 20 gives you the good [ __ ] and while a 1 does also give you a prize it was usually a [ __ ] magic item like a pair of invisible boots that made loud noises when walking we've only won a handful of prizes and all of them were [ __ ] none of our characters liked him either dude was hella shady rude and always going oh come on you guys it's only for gold he even had his own theme song so every time we heard the first notes then we'd know oh [ __ ] it's rough so that merchant kind of became a meme in our group and we've sometimes quoted him by saying for gold just for fun as of writing this we haven't seen him in game for a long time we are on session 26 i think it's been like 10 plus sessions since our last encounter with him hopefully he shows up soon he's kind of fun to hate not so much a one-liner as more of a rhetorical question was in a homebrew setting and one of the players and his character let's call them diego was being a real jerk about a magic weapon that we received for killing a giant snake monster long story short he ended up whining enough to the point where my character practically gave him the weapon but my character was a rogue which did not take insult lightly but since killing other players was taboo at this particular table i had to use other means i managed to get a hold of a poison that was essentially a hyperlaxative and used it on diego in such a manner to where he ended up soiling himself in the middle of town square during a festival it ended up becoming a running gag for years even though every now and then we will still ask him why'd you poop your pants diego why'd you poop your pants i play a tabaxi monk in my current campaign i joined a little after the rest of the party so i was new while the others were already acquainted i wanted to bewilder them as soon as possible and upon seeing an opportunity took it the party went ahead to raid a lizard folk camp where we were ambushed by scouts and they took all our gear people were struggling to find ways out of the binds but then i realized as a monk i can use magic stuff with my hands so no equipment was needed i proceeded to burn the ropes and freed us all only to be greeted by 15 or so lizard folk outside of the tent we were trapped in after rolling in at 20 on an athletics check i backflipped into the middle of them and used my fist of four thunders paralyzing all of them upon all of the lizards falling i said to the party why do you all look so shocked that's a good one my teefling grave cleric has become friends with a were raven rogue who'd multi-classed into warlock after two near-death situations one requiring revivify and i'd used commune to give him direct access to asmodius to make the deal a rock giant [ __ ] off bird has ambushed us and grabbed my friend slams him into an ice shelf knocking him out completely my cleric runs across the open field at top speed using move and dash to slide into place beside him using healing word to bring him back enough for us to work on him i yelled as we prepare to keep fighting you will not die here friend as modius shall see you ride back into his plane on a winged [ __ ] if i have anything to say about it my dm was trying out something new he had found a random effect table that he was going to use for crits it will become clearer later in the story but he didn't look very closely at all the effects i think i was the first person he got to use it on i was a barbarian and i punched an enemy in the head different story and the random effect was something along the lines of i broke his eye socket so anyone hitting him from that side had advantage but i caught a peek of the table my dm was using and i saw one thing create bees so i asked to look at the table i read it aloud and very dramatically exclaimed i want to know how you can hit something so hard that it creates life my party consisted of two barbarians one berserker and one legendary wrestler a druid fighter a fighter a warlock a rogue and a paladin i'm the fighter and the thing with him is that he acts all serious and calculated and stuff but in reality he is goofy and stupid so we fought this gargantuan water spirit by the lake and my fighter had this brilliant idea to have the wrestler barbarian throw him into the spirit tm goes like [ __ ] it i'll allow it and so there flies my fighter superman pose with his sword ready to stab and of course the expected happens he gets stuck inside the water spirit as the party continues combat the dm ends it by revealing that it was a ruse all along and the spirit was testing our berserker barbarian on her character arc but more importantly the spirit was flirty af you'll never see a thirstier water nymph than this one asking the party to dinner dropping down pickup lines very suggestively complimenting our appearances and now the whole party was like oh okay hold on there keep it in your pants and while the whole party was trying to ask her questions for a current quest my fighter blushing like a tomato suddenly realizes oh god i was just inside her my players were interrogating a meek kobold they captured about the layout of the dungeon they were in the traps what kind of creatures were roaming around etc the kobold was terrified and told them everything they wanted to know once the party had their information the kobold asked if there was anything else they wanted to know one of my players playing a chaotic evil half-orc barbarian named dyne with a double-ended sword said what urine saw its look like and proceeded to open the kobold like a sardine can with his blade i was stunned for like 20 minutes it caught me completely off guard every time i'd have a bad guy show up and say something intimidating my cleric would without fail just respond okay i will cleave the flash from your bones okay i have grown more powerful than you could possibly imagine okay you know not what powers you toy with okay every single time curse of straw early spoilers if you care about that kind of thing after dropping my three player characters in borovia and having them walk to the village of borovia literally could have named the damn village anything else i roped them into the death house by the two restless spirit children essentially trapped in the house begging for someone to go inside and get their brother walter for anyone who has run curse of strawd before it's almost comical how many times screaming and defenseless kids is used as a plot hook this being the first one for context my pcs are a true neutral human ranger sorcerer lux essentially building his own take on boba fett a chaotic good tiefling wizard lyser that used to teach magic for many years before retiring and a lawful good halfling fighter taelin who used to be a noble but has since left his comfort and nobility with all but his legacy and a squire now about taelin the person playing taelin isn't the best role player admittedly seeing as curse of straud is the first campaign they've been in where their actions have consequence and there isn't much of an opportunity to seduce a big bad evil guy since the start they have grown a lot and the other pcs and i are hella proud of them finding some footing but this was a standout moment for all of us the first two pcs stumble into a room containing the specter of the house's maid she tells the pcs a bit about the children of the death house and its previous inhabitants before being abandoned and lost to time upon being asked where walter was she pointed to a shut door which led to a nursery of which she warned please be quiet he is sleeping and then taelin walked in before the first two could open the door he says he barges into the nursery and looks at the crib i tell him he just sees a blanket curled up with something inside he exits the nursery and says [ __ ] them kids and it's stuck it's been quoted after every time a child has been saved or a near-death encounter has subsided which i take as just the flagship of damn borovia scuffed as [ __ ] but honestly i don't blame them [ __ ] them kids all right so me half elf rogue fighter and a buddy human warlock we're at a pretty big ren fair and there was a d d table playing quick one shots for anyone who needed a d and d fix so we play at this table and wind up fighting a medium-sized blue dragon as the fight goes on he goes down and i've been dodging the [ __ ] out of all the attacks so i have all of my hit points left the dragon goes to finish him off and i jumped in the way because he hired me for protection i'm not getting paid if he kos i tank the hit and use a free action to chuck a potion at him which he drinks and gets back up he says i didn't deserve that pulls this pipe out of his cloak lights it with an eldritch blast and [ __ ] nat twenties the hit taking out what was left of the dragon's hp and killing it side note he totally deserved that we only got into this fight because he insulted the dragon to his face i was the dm and my player was playing as a loxadon fighter he loved getting straight in the midst of battle no matter the danger it was the beginning of the campaign and i threw a few weakling monsters at the party a few sturges sturges are them mosquito and hummingbird mutant things i made one of the party members roll for perception it was the loxodon of course and he heard the flapping wings of the sturgis helping the players not get ambushed by the monsters while he made the check he said i spiked sturgis we all thought he may have misspoken saying to i spy sturgis so we continued with the combat skip to the end of the battle when the sturgis have all flopped dead on the ground i asked them what they wanted to do mr loxodon says i spike sturges the rest of us look up in confusion and i ask him you what he repeated i spike the sturgis i let him have his fun you pick up the wriggling creature that is heaving its last breath make an athletics check to volleyball spike the sturge guess what nat 20. the poor thing just gets demolished its corpse is volleyball spiked to oblivion now every time my friend says i spike insert creature here before a battle since the sturge he has went on to obliterate imps bandits goblins halflings and gnomes a hearty hello to all my dedicated deer and darling diminutive little daffodils still watching this video at this point thank you so much for photosynthesizing the whole thing i hope you enjoyed it some quick business we live stream every sunday and wednesday 2 p.m pacific 5 p.m eastern 10 pm gmt please check out our merch store below if you feel like showing rip daddy some love and tenderness it helps us keep this ever-growing ship at sea and we are grateful for all the support you have supplied please check out our subreddit our slash mr ripper where fine folks such as your fine self have been finding a home for your favorite dnd fables if you're a dm or a player looking for a party or if you just want to hang out our discord server has over 1500 d d obsessed new friends for you to connect and roll some dice with so please pop over there and let the record state that i warned you that it's definitely chaotic something in there so be mindful and read the rules don't make our beloved mods admins and attack squirrels have to actually do their job it's hard enough just keeping up with general chat these days poor wretched souls bless their hearts anyway if you love me and want me to be happy please check out my website www.davemakesnoises.com i love you rip daddy loves you brian loves you nolan loves you we're truly honored that you choose to spend your precious time with all of us i am so grateful for this community we are so lucky to have you now go dust off that dice tower and start rolling them bones please sub for nat 20s practice awareness come hang out with us on the stream subreddit and discord maybe check out some merch from our merch store we'll always be glad to see you thanks again for watching and we'll see you next time you

Channel: MrRipper

Views: 70,185

Keywords: #DnDStories, #DnD, #DungeonsAndDragons, dnd stories, dungeons and dragons, ask reddit, dungeons & dragons, askreddit top posts, reddit stories, dnd, dnd 5e, dnd stories reddit, dungeon master, dnd campaigns, dm tips 5e, dungeons and dragons online, best of reddit, dungeons and dragons cartoon, dungeons & dragons florida edition, gm tips, role playing game, askreddit funny, d&d beyond, reddit funny, critical role

Id: k2jyMRoA5Wc

Length: 13min 12sec (792 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 20 2020