Full IELTS Writing Task 2 Sample Essay | Band 9

hi there it's asia and today i've prepared for you a band 9 sample answer to an ielts writing task 2 topic which regularly appear in the exam both academic and general training this particular one was reported just a few days ago by the end of this video you will develop a better understanding of what else examiners look for and what you need to do in order to achieve a higher score you will be able to download this sample answer in the pdf format but for the explanation watch the video ready let's get started here is our topic not enough students around the world choose to study science subjects at university what are the reasons for this what impact does this issue have on society give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience write at least 250 words what do ielts examiners look for we know about it if we have a look at the ielts band descriptors document which lists all the requirements and i will show you how my essay meets each requirement for band nine score okay the first criterion is called task response and we read you should fully address all parts of the task to address all parts of the task first of all we need to determine what type of essay it is look at the questions we have two and the first one is about reasons it means we're presented with a problem not enough students around the world choose to study science subjects at university that is our problem and we need to find reasons for this problem at least two and then the next question is about the impact of this problem on society we need to say what's the impact or how this issue affects society how this issue affects people so in this essay we need to cover two areas reasons for the problem and impact all this problem on society and here for your own benefit i really think that you should pause the video and write your answer and then watch the rest of the video and compare your answer to mine but i suspect you may not do that but please prove me wrong and post your answer in comments below before i show you the essay i need to show you another requirement because only if you know what the requirements are you'll be able to understand why i write the essay the way i do here it is and the second requirement is coherence and cohesion and for band 9 score you should skillfully manage paragraphing it means you need to split your essay into paragraphs logically let's read the requirement for a band 8 as well you should sequence information and ideas logically so obviously you need to do that for band 9 2. it means we need a plan for the essay here is mine in the first body paragraph i'm gonna give the first reason why not enough students choose to study science at university and i wanna say that many jobs in science are dominated by men and women don't feel welcome there that's why they don't study science at university and then i'm gonna give the impact straight away so what's the impact women with the talent for science choose to study other subjects such as social sciences that means economics business law psychology and so on and then in the second body paragraph i'm going to give the second reason the second idea in the past it was difficult to get a high pay job in science that's why bright and ambitious young people choose to study other subjects in order to get a high paid job and what's the impact we have an oversupply we have too many economists and lawyers and we don't have enough scientists it's actually possible to structure your body paragraphs in a different way we could talk about all the reasons in the first body paragraph and then about the impact in the second but i've chosen to do it this way and of course my essay is going to have an introduction and a conclusion so let me show you the introduction technology is rapidly changing the lives of people around the world creating a high demand for university graduates with a background in science however the number of students studying relevant subjects is well below the required level this problem seems to be caused by outdated preconceptions which determine young people's choices today this introduction is short and to the point and it's important not to waste too much time on introducing your topic because the main part of your essay is your body paragraphs do you know why well have a look at this task response requirement you should present a fully developed position in the answer to the question with relevant fully extended and well supported ideas you've probably heard that you must develop your ideas and that's what you do in your body paragraphs that's why they should be relatively long in comparison with your introduction and conclusion so let me show you the first body paragraph i've written i finished the introduction on talking about outdated preconceptions and i opened the first body paragraph by saying one of those preconceptions is that certain subjects are better suited for men examples of these include mathematics computer science technologies and other fields of knowledge which are totally dominated by males in recent decades a noticeable progress has been achieved by many countries in acknowledging that men and women are equally capable in science despite this big step towards equality female employees may still feel unwelcome or in some instances face evident discrimination in male-dominated environments work environments so that's the reason why they don't choose to study science and here is the impact as a result many women with a natural inclination to science settle on studying humanities or social science at university depriving society of their main talent in this body paragraph i gave the reason my first idea and i explained what it means i gave some examples and supporting points and then i gave the impact on society the format of this video doesn't allow us to dig deeper but if you want to learn more i highly recommend enrolling in my mastering task 2 course which is much more detailed and you will learn how to write essays step by step and how to write each type of essay now let me show you the second body paragraph another reason for the lack of science students spreads even wider in the past scientists were paid significantly less than professionals in such prestigious areas as business and law therefore ambitious young people tended to choose highly paid occupations disregarding their aptitude for science things have changed today jobs and science are among those with the highest remuneration but this trend is yet to be reflected in the university application numbers for example in the uk over half of all international students still choose to study for a degree in business consequently economists around the world are affected by an oversupply of social science graduates and a deficit of graduates with technical skills not surprisingly complaints of fresh graduates who cannot find a job are frequent you might have noticed that my body paragraphs are long well that's because it's a band 9 essay and it's going to be 320 words long but if you are aiming to get a band 7 your essay should be between 270 and 290 words maybe 300 because otherwise you are simply gonna run out of time before you finish your essay at all what i want you to pay attention to is how close i stay to the topic in my body paragraphs each sentence helps to answer the question because otherwise if i started talking about something which is irrelevant to the topic or less relevant it would immediately harm my task response score now i want to show you how to fulfill the next coherence and cohesion requirement use cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention all sentences in your essay should be linked together each sentence should follow from the previous one and there are a number of ways to link them i'm going to show you a couple here if we look at the first three paragraphs i mentioned outdated preconceptions at the end of my introduction and i open my first body paragraph by saying one of those preconceptions so there is a link and the next body paragraph starts with another reason for the lack of science students so it's immediately clear how my essay is organized i also used a variety of formal linking words i want to say that you must use a variety of linking words or formal linky words in your task 2 essay and your examiner will specifically check if you do and naturally we don't use them so you have to control yourself here are all the formal linking words i've used however despite this as a result therefore for example consequently not surprisingly and each time i use a new linking word i try not to repeat them so you must learn several linking words for each situation and then vary them in your essay i have a video where you can learn all of them and i'm gonna link it in the description below but basically we haven't seen the conclusion yet right here it is to conclude it seems some young people still perceive studying science as a route towards a mediocre income from a job where most of one's colleagues are men thus too many opt for a degree in social sciences creating an imbalanced society where highly educated university graduates struggle to find a skilled job my tip is re-read the task before writing your conclusion to make sure you actually answer the essay question in my conclusion i've summarized the reasons and the impact without repeating my introduction or some sentences and long phrases from my body paragraphs and that's how it should be for a band 9 essay actually even for a band 7 essay you should avoid repeating your ideas over and over and in my course i teach how to avoid repeating your main ideas in the introduction body paragraph and conclusion but right now i want to say that a band 7 essay in general is quite a lot simpler so don't get scared and let's have a look at the next requirement it's lexical resource or your vocabulary and you should use for a band 9 score you should use a wide range of vocabulary it means a lot of words with very natural and sophisticated control of lexical features it means you should understand exactly what each word means and how you combine each word with all the words around it reminder errors occur only as slips so basically you're allowed typos and not mistakes for your vocabulary you should really aim for accuracy i'm sorry for the noise the neighbors have not finished their refurbishment yet so you should aim for accuracy because in my essay i haven't used any extra complex words at all but i regularly see that students use them and they struggle to get a seven so you don't need those words use words you know well and try to avoid repeating same words over and over again use synonyms when you can for example in my essay i used men mail as a result therefore consequently inclination aptitude talent job occupation all these are synonyms and i didn't try to replace words which i couldn't replace such as science so i repeated it throughout my essay and that's normal the next criterion is grammatical range and accuracy and for a band 9 score you should use a wide range of structures with full flexibility and accuracy it means you need to use different types of sentences different types of grammatical structures complex compound sentences i talked about them in this video and it will be linked in the description rare minor errors occur only as slips it means you should not make mistakes for band 9 score for band 7 score you also need to use complex and compound and different types of sentences but you don't need to write sentences which are quite as long as mine some of your sentences will be simple and short and that's fine aim to write sentences which are correct and right now i want you to download this sample essay in the pdf format read it again paying attention to all the different sentence types and all the different things we talked about today and if you want to learn how to write type 2 essays step by step please join my mastering task 2 course thank you for watching me today good luck with your preparation and your exam bye [Music] you

Channel: Fastrack IELTS

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Keywords: ielts, ielts exam, ielts test, ielts exam preparation, ielts preparation, how to prepare for ielts, ielts tips, ielts writing, ielts writing task 2, ielts writing academic, Fastrack education, fastrack ielts, fastrack asiya

Id: Ajvp4nkrxtM

Length: 16min 53sec (1013 seconds)

Published: Mon Mar 16 2020