Iyanla: I AM A SURVIVOR, A TEENAGE MOTHER, A WELFARE RECIPIENT, AND A WOMAN. I AM A TEACHER, LIFE COACH, MINISTER, LAWYER, AND AUTHOR. I'VE HAD MY SHARE OF BREAKUPS, BREAKDOWNS, AND BREAKTHROUGHS. I DID MY WORK AND PUT MY LIFE BACK TOGETHER PIECE BY PIECE. I AM IYANLA VANZANT, AND I AM HERE TO HELP YOU DO YOUR WORK. -- Captions by VITAC -- www.vitac.com CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY DISCOVERY COMMUNICATIONS I AM ON MY WAY TO MY SAFE HOUSE AGAIN HERE IN CHICAGO. THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A WOMAN WHO DEFINED HERSELF BY HER EXTERNAL -- HOW SHE LOOKED ON THE OUTSIDE -- TO SUCH A DEGREE THAT HER QUEST FOR PERFECTION BECAME HER POISON. IN THE WORLD OF PLUS-SIZE MODELS, ANIVIA WAS AT THE TOP OF HER GAME. GOD WAS SO GOOD. I WALKED INTO WILHELMINA ON AN OPEN CALL. I DID THE TEST SHOOT, AND I GOT SIGNED. I WAS BOOKING REALLY GOOD JOBS. BUT THE VERY THING THAT HELPED HER GET TO THE TOP SOON BECAME HER DOWNFALL. IN MY QUEST TO GAIN WEIGHT TO BECOME A PLUS-SIZE MODEL, I STARTED THE BUTT INJECTIONS. AT THE TIME, THERE WEREN'T MANY OPTIONS. YOU EITHER GO OVERSEAS OR YOU GET IT DONE HERE. OKAY, EVERYBODY'S ALIVE. EVERYBODY'S LIVING. I WANT TO LOOK LIKE THAT. SO I WENT THE CHEAP ROUTE. [ CHUCKLES ] IN HER PURSUIT OF A MODELING CAREER, ANIVIA SAYS SHE TOOK PART IN THE UNDERGROUND WORLD OF BUTT-ENHANCEMENT INJECTIONS TO GET A PLUMP, CURVACEOUS BEHIND. IT LOOKED AMAZING. AND I JUST KEPT GOING. JUST IMAGINE NOT HAVING EYESIGHT, AND SOMEONE TELLS YOU THAT THEY CAN FIX YOUR EYESIGHT FOR SUCH A CHEAP PRICE. YOU START PAYING, AND YOU START TO SEE. SO YOU JUST KEEP GOING BACK AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. I SEE THE WAY OTHER PEOPLE LOOK AT HER. AND MANY TIMES I'VE HEARD PEOPLE SAY, "IS IT REAL? GO TOUCH IT. GO TOUCH IT." OR, "I WANT TO TAP THAT ASS." Iyanla: BUT IN 2010, ANIVIA MADE HEADLINE NEWS. A JERSEY MODEL IS ACCUSED OF HELPING OTHER WOMEN BUILD A BETTER BODY BY GIVING THEM BUTTOCKS-ENHANCING INJECTIONS. Iyanla: SHE WAS INDICTED ON CHARGES OF THE UNAUTHORIZED PRACTICE OF MEDICINE WITHOUT A LICENSE. NOW, THE ACCUSATIONS THAT THE MEDIA PUT OUT THERE WERE DEFINITELY NOT TRUE, AND THIS IS MY FIRST TIME SPEAKING OUT ON IT. I DO NOT HAVE A RECORD. NO, I DID NOT GO TO JAIL. NO, I WAS NEVER ARRESTED. AND THAT'S THAT. ANIVIA PLED NOT GUILTY. THE CASE WAS EVENTUALLY DROPPED DUE TO A TECHNICALITY. TODAY, ANIVIA'S PROBLEMS STRETCH FAR BEYOND HER LEGAL ISSUES. NOW, MY LIFE IS POSSIBLY IN DANGER, ALL DUE TO THE FACT THAT I WANTED A LARGER BUTTOCKS. I REMEMBER EXACTLY WHEN MY BUTT STARTED HURTING. I CAN REMEMBER SPECIFICALLY ONE OF MY FIRST SHARP PAINS, AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, THIS NAIL OR SOMETHING JUST WENT STRAIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF MY RIGHT BUTT CHEEK. AND IT BROUGHT ME DOWN ON MY KNEES, ALMOST. IT WAS SO CONFUSING, AND IT SOUNDS CRAZY. BUT THE REACTION THAT I GET FROM PEOPLE -- "OH, YOU HAVE SUCH A GREAT SHAPE. OH, I LOVE --" I NEVER HAD THAT BEFORE. AND I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THAT, BUT I DON'T WANT THIS BUTT TO BE SO BIG. I HAVE BECOME SOMEONE THAT I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD BE. I'M 32 YEARS OLD, AND I'M BITTER. I'M ANGRY, I'M HURT, I'M ALONE, NO CHILDREN... I DON'T KNOW. Iyanla: GOOD MORNING. GOOD MORNING. HOW ARE YOU? I'M SO EXCITED TO MEET YOU. EXCITED? I AM. YOU COULD HAVE MET ME UNDER OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES. [ LAUGHS ] YES, HOW ARE YOU? I'M BLESSED. HOW ARE YOU DOING? YOU LOOK AMAZING. SO... BEFORE WE DO ANYTHING, I JUST WANT US TO GET CLEAR. I NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT IT IS YOU WANT. WHY AM I HERE? I NEED HELP. WITH? MY ENTIRE LIFE -- IT'S A WRECK. I'M SO LOST AND I'M SO CONFUSED ABOUT EVERYTHING. OKAY. ARE YOU WILLING TO DO WHAT IS REQUIRED TO ELIMINATE THE CONFUSION? I AM. THAT MEANS WE'RE GONNA TALK ABOUT WHAT WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT, TO WHOM WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT, THE WAY WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT IN ORDER TO GET YOU WHAT YOU DESERVE. SO, WHAT ARE SOME TRUTHS THAT YOU'VE HAD DIFFICULTY FACING ABOUT YOURSELF? I'M JUST SO TORN. I DESTROYED MY BODY. I DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACCEPT IT. TELL ME HOW YOU DESTROYED YOUR BODY. I WAS -- WANTED A MODELING CONTRACT. SO? I STARTED GETTING THE BUTT INJECTIONS. TO ENLARGE YOUR BUTT? YES. YOU WERE WORKING AS A PLUS-SIZE MODEL. YES. AND THEN I COULDN'T KEEP THE WEIGHT ON ANYMORE, AND I STARTED SLIMMING DOWN. AND THEN THE BUTT WAS SO BIG AND THE BODY WAS GETTING SO SMALL, AND IT WAS LIKE I WASN'T BOOKING ANY MORE JOBS BECAUSE I COULDN'T FIT ANYTHING. SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR BODY NOW. WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU NOW? HMM. I DEVELOPED SOMETHING CALLED GRANULOMA, WHERE WHEN THEY WERE INJECTING ME, THE SILICONE MIGRATED TO DIFFERENT PARTS OF MY BODY. AND IT WENT DOWN -- YOU KNOW, IT'S GRAVITY. MY NERVES ARE DAMAGED BECAUSE OF IT. I HAVE SCAR TISSUE INSIDE OF ME. I HAVE SEVERE SWELLING. SO I WAS MAYBE AT ABOUT 42 INCHES AROUND MY HIPS. BUT NOW BECAUSE OF THE SWELLING AND THE INFLAMMATION, MY HIPS ARE LIKE A 47. AND NOW THIS FOREIGN SUBSTANCE IS A PART OF ME NOW. SO TELL ME ABOUT IT. TELL ME ABOUT IT. WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE THE SCARRING THAT HAPPENED TO MY LEGS. OH, MY GOSH. THIS IS THE SILICONE. THIS IS THE SILICONE? MM-HMM. THAT HAS MOVED... AND MIGRATED DOWN MY LEGS. AND IT'S... TELL ME ABOUT THE DAY YOU WOKE UP AND FIRST SAW THIS. IT WAS JUST A SMALL AMOUNT, LIKE, HERE. AND I THOUGHT I HAD GOTTEN SOMETHING FROM THE NAIL SALON, GETTING A PEDICURE. I WENT TO THE DOCTOR, AND THEY SAID, "WE CAN'T FIND ANY INFECTION. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS IS." THEY HAD NO IDEA. SO I WENT TO ONE OF THE PEOPLE THAT DID ME, PUT THE INJECTIONS -- NOW, YOU WEREN'T IN A LICENSED AND CERTIFIED PLASTIC SURGEON'S OFFICE, IS THAT RIGHT? NO. YOU WERE ON THE BLACK MARKET. I WAS ON A COUCH WITH A RED COOKOUT CUP. WHY? BECAUSE IT WAS CHEAPER? YES. I DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY, AND I FOUND SOMEONE THAT WAS AFFORDABLE. AND IT WAS LIKE HEROIN. I JUST WOULDN'T STOP. I WOULD FIND A DENT, I WOULD CALL HER, "HEY, I NEED TO COME BACK." PUT MONEY DOWN. "OH, YOU KNOW WHAT, LET ME GET THIS MUCH MORE." IT WAS SO ADDICTIVE. IT WAS LIKE I WAS IN A CRACKHOUSE. THEN WHAT HAPPENED? UM, IT JUST STARTED CHANGING. I STARTED GETTING SEVERE PAINS AND... MAY I TOUCH YOU? PLEASE DO. I KIND OF NEEDED A MASSAGE TODAY ANYWAY. I GET A LOT OF FEVER IN IT. I HAD FEVER LAST NIGHT. IT'S HOT. YOU FEEL THE FEVER? AND IT'S NOT INFECTION. IT'S INFLAMMATION. AND YOU CAN KIND OF JUST FEEL IT WHEN YOU GO DOWN. AND IT'S SPILLING INTO YOUR LEGS. YES. IT'S DONE NOW. IT'S DONE ALL IT'S GONNA DO. IT'S NOT MIGRATING ANYMORE. TURN AROUND. IT'S HERE IN MY BACK. NOW, WHAT IS THIS? IT'S IN MY BACK AS WELL. IT IS EXCRUCIATING PAIN. I NEVER SLEEP A WHOLE NIGHT THROUGH. I'M ON PAIN MEDS EVERY FIVE HOURS. [ SNIFFLES ] I DO KNOW THAT I WILL NEVER BE 100% NORMAL AGAIN. I'VE ACCEPTED IT. HAVE YOU? I'M ACCEPTING IT. [ Voice breaking ] I HAVE NO OTHER CHOICE. SO, MY EXPERIENCE WITH BEING ON "IYANLA: FIX MY LIFE" -- LET'S JUST SAY I HAVE MIXED EMOTIONS. KIND OF EMBARRASSED TO COME OUT TO THE WORLD. I WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO COME OUT AND ADMIT HAVING ILLEGAL BUTT INJECTIONS. IT WAS VERY SCARY. WHEN I LOOK BACK AT THAT SHOW, I WAS GOING THROUGH A LOT. I HAD JUST WENT THROUGH, LIKE, A BREAKUP. I WAS IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN. I HAD BEEN TURNED DOWN BY NINE DOCTORS. AND BASICALLY PEOPLE WERE JUST TELLING ME, LIKE, "YOU'RE JUST WAITING TO DIE." JUST IMAGINE YOU'RE JUST COUNTING THE DAYS UNTIL YOU'RE GONNA DIE. SO IN MY MIND, IT WAS LIKE, "YOU KNOW WHAT? I NEED TO KIND OF FIX SOME THINGS BEFORE I LEAVE THIS EARTH." WHY AM I HERE? I NEED HELP. Iyanla: TO BECOME A PLUS-SIZE MODEL, ANIVIA GOT INVOLVED IN THE WORLD OF UNDERGROUND BUTT INJECTIONS TO ENHANCE HER FIGURE. I WANT YOU TO GO BACK THERE. GO BACK HERE. I WANT ANIVIA TO SEE HOW THIS POISON DRIPPING DOWN HER BODY HAS ACTUALLY POISONED HER SPIRIT. I WANT YOU TO TAKE A BREATH, AND I WANT YOU TO TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE? I SEE, JUST, DISGUSTING DISCOLORATION. I SEE DISEASE. WHAT ARE WE FIXING? BECAUSE I CAN'T FIX THAT. NO, NO ONE CAN FIX THIS. THIS IS JUST A MERE REFLECTION OF WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE. HARD-HEARTED DISFIGUREMENT IN YOUR SPIRIT. SO WHAT I NEED TO UNDERSTAND IS, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FOUNDATION AS A WOMAN. I NEVER REALLY HAD ONE HOME. I LIVED BETWEEN MY MOM AND MY GRANDMA. AND IT WAS LIKE NIGHT AND DAY. MY GRANDMOTHER PROVIDED A LOT OF WHAT I NEEDED. SUCH AS? LOVE, AFFECTION. SHE WAS SO WARM. SHE ALWAYS KEPT ME SO DOLLED-UP. I MEAN, MY GRANDMA HAD ME IN GIRDLES AT 10 YEARS OLD. GIRDLES? SO WHAT WAS THE GIRDLE FOR? 'CAUSE I WAS A CHUBBY KID, AND SHE WAS TRYING TO CURVE MY BODY OUT. SO ALL THESE THINGS WERE EMBEDDED IN MY HEAD AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE. WHEN I WENT TO MY MOM'S HOUSE, I WAS NEGLECTED. I WAS IGNORED. I WAS ABUSED. VERBALLY ABUSED. I WAS CALLED BITCHES. BY? MY MOTHER. MY MOTHER WAS MEAN. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE ONE. AND I'VE ALL MY LIFE BEEN FIGHTING AND TRYING TO PULL FOR HER AFFECTION AND FOR HER TO LOVE ME -- TO THIS DAY. AND SHE JUST PUSHES ME AWAY. IF I WERE TO ASK YOU TO JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES, TELL ME WHAT IS ON YOUR HEART? I JUST WANT A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH MY MOM. I'M TIRED OF FIGHTING WITH HER. AND IF SHE DOESN'T WANT IT, I WANT HER TO TELL ME TO JUST STAY OUT OF HER LIFE. I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT ME. WHAT WE HIDE IS WHAT COMES OUT. THE INSIDE CAUSE BECOMES THE PHYSICAL, VISIBLE EFFECT. SO THIS IS THE EFFECT OF SOMETHING ELSE. WHAT IS IT THAT YOU DON'T WANT ME TO KNOW? 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M GETTING READY TO GO FIND OUT. TELL ME NOW WHAT YOU DON'T WANT ME TO KNOW. WHAT AM I GONNA TELL YOU FOR IF I DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW? BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO OWN IT AND TO LIVE IN IT AND TO BE IN IT. I'M NOT GOING THERE. WHY NOT? BECAUSE THAT IS SOMETHING THAT I DON'T TALK ABOUT. IT'S SOMETHING THAT COULD AFFECT ME GREATLY. GREATER THAN THIS? YES. GREATER THAN THIS? YES. THE PLACE YOU DON'T WANT TO GO -- THAT'S WHERE YOUR HEALING IS. NO, IYANLA, YOU TRYING TO GET ME TO DIG SOMEWHERE THAT REALLY HURTS ME. I WANT YOU TO WRITE IT OUT AND SHOW IT TO ME. YOU DON'T HAVE TO SPEAK IT. I DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW... HOW DO YOU THINK ABOUT IT? WRITE THAT DOWN. I DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. YOU MUST THINK ABOUT IT. YOU'RE TOO PROTECTIVE OF IT NOT TO BE THINKING ABOUT IT. THAT'S WHY I DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. JUST WRITE IT DOWN, GIVE IT TO ME, AND TRUST ME WITH IT. I TRUST YOU, MISS IYANLA. SO, BEGIN YOUR WORK BY GOING TO ANOTHER PAGE. AND START IDENTIFYING THE PIECES OF YOU THAT ARE BROKEN, THAT NEED TO BE MADE WHOLE. SO YOU MAKE ME WRITE THAT AND YOU JUST LEAVE ME BY MYSELF? MM-HMM. NOW, WHAT YOU NEED TO FIGURE OUT IS WHY YOU DON'T WANT ME TO KNOW IT, WHY YOU DON'T WANT EVERYBODY ELSE TO KNOW IT, BUT MOST OF ALL, WHY YOU'RE PUNISHING YOURSELF BECAUSE OF IT. I WASN'T RECEPTIVE TO WRITING THAT DOWN AND TALKING ABOUT IT. AND THEN I HAD TO SIT FOR A MINUTE, AND I HAD TO REALLY THINK ABOUT IT. A VOICE CAME INSIDE OF MY HEAD AND SAID, "ANIVIA, JUST LIKE YOU FEEL LIKE THIS, THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER WOMEN THAT ARE GOING THROUGH THIS, THEY MIGHT NEED YOU. AND LET THEM KNOW WHERE THE ROOT OF THIS PAIN COMES FROM." IT IS NOT EASY. I HAVE DAYS WHEN I HAVE TO LOOK AT THESE SCARS IN THE MIRROR, BUT THEN I JUST -- I JUST REMEMBER THAT PAIN I USED TO BE IN CONSTANTLY. I REMEMBER THE PAIN PILLS, THE DRUGS. AND IT WAS KIND OF LIKE THE DOCTORS WERE JUST LIKE, "THERE'S NOTHING THAT CAN BE DONE. YOUR KIDNEYS ARE FAILING, AND YOU'RE DYING." AND THAT'S HOW HE BROKE IT TO ME. MY KIDNEYS WERE OUT OF CONTROL. AND THEY DIAGNOSED ME WITH STAGE 4 KIDNEY DISEASE AND END-STAGE RENAL FAILURE ALL BECAUSE OF SILICONE INJECTIONS. SO NOW WHEN PEOPLE SEE ME AND I'M ALIVE AND I'M HEALTHY, THEY GET SO BLOWN AWAY, BECAUSE EVERYONE EXPECTED ME TO BE DEAD. WHEN I THINK ABOUT ALL OF THAT, I JUST LOOK IN THE MIRROR, AND I'M LIKE, "YOU HAVE A GREATER PURPOSE." Iyanla: DEEP INSIDE OF ANIVIA'S SOUL, THERE IS A CHILDHOOD SECRET THAT SHE'S KEPT HIDDEN. AFTER QUITE SOME TIME, ANIVIA RELUCTANTLY WROTE HER SECRET ON A PIECE OF PAPER. I DON'T THINK THIS IS AS MUCH ABOUT A PERFECT BODY AS IT IS ABOUT ACCEPTABILITY. YOU SEE, WHAT SHE WROTE ON THIS PIECE OF PAPER MAKES HER UNACCEPTABLE -- WHO SHE IS, AS SHE IS, IS UNACCEPTABLE. AND THAT SHE WAS TAUGHT. MY MOTHER WAS MEAN. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE ONE. IT HURTS TO SEE HER HAVE SO MUCH ANGER BUILT UP AGAINST ME. THE ROSES AND BALLOONS THAT SHE'D GOTTEN ME FOR MOTHER'S DAY, THE NEXT DAY I GOT HOME FROM WORK, SHE CUT THE ROSE BUDS AND STABBED THE BALLOONS WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS. MY SISTERS AND I USED TO BE SO CLOSE. NOW WE DON'T EVEN TALK. Tiffany: YOU TALKED TO ANIVIA? I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE AT EITHER. OH, ANIVIA'S PERSONALITY -- SHE'S A DIVA. SHE'S BOSSY. SHE WANTS HER WAY. SHE CAN BE MANIPULATIVE. SHE DOESN'T CARE. YEAH, SHE'S JUST DOING IT FOR DRAMA. THAT'S ALL SHE'S ABOUT. WHEN I SEEN HER LAST YEAR, ME AND HER HAVE KIND OF DRIFTED APART. SHE'S AN AMAZING ACTRESS. THAT'S ALL IT IS. YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW THERE WAS SO MUCH ANGER AND HATRED BEHIND CLOSED DOORS. Iyanla: I ASKED ANIVIA TO IDENTIFY THE BROKEN PIECES OF HER SOUL THAT NEED TO BE MADE WHOLE. MISS ANIVIA, COME ON INSIDE. IT'S WARMER INSIDE. SO I'M SENDING HER DOWNSTAIRS TO REFLECT, ALLOWING ME TO HAVE A PRIVATE CONVERSATION WITH HER FAMILY. Iyanla: AND WHO DO I HAVE HERE AT THE TABLE? JEANETTE. JEANETTE. AND YOU ARE... ANIVIA'S MOTHER. HER MAMA. AND YOU ARE? HER SISTER. TIFFANY. AND YOU ARE AUNTIE. Lolita: YES. AND YOU ARE -- WHAT'S YOUR NAME? LOLITA. LOLITA. AND YOU ARE? SHASSADI, HER YOUNGER SISTER. SHASSADI. AND YOU ARE? MILAN. MILAN! SO, PEOPLE... WHY ARE WE HERE? I'M HERE TO TEAR DOWN THOSE WALLS, TO EMBRACE ANIVIA, TO SHOW HER THAT I DO LOVE HER. SHE DOESN'T FEEL IT. SHE DOESN'T FEEL IT, AND I NEED HER TO FEEL IT. WHAT I REALLY WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND IS THAT MISS ANIVIA IS IN A LOT OF TROUBLE. I MEAN, DO YOU REALLY GET THAT THIS BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN, THAT HER LIFE IS HANGING BY A STRING? I REALLY NEED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IS THE ENVIRONMENT THAT A YOUNG GIRL WOULD GROW UP IN THAT WOULD MAKE HER THINK THAT THIS IS OKAY? SO THERE'S A COUPLE OF THINGS WE'RE GONNA REVIEW. SHE SAYS THAT SHE WAS TEASED IN HER OWN FAMILY. Tiffany: SHE WAS THE ONE TEASING ME. SHE WAS ALWAYS THE RINGLEADER OF THE TEASING. SO THAT'S NOT TRUE AT ALL. IS SHE A BULLY? YES. YES. SHE'S A BULLY. SHE BULLIES ALL OF US. Tiffany: EVERYBODY. I WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL TO DO A LITTLE ASSIGNMENT. THERE'S SOME CONFESSIONS THAT I THINK YOU HAVE TO MAKE TO HER. SOME CONFESSIONS LIKE, "I CONFESS THAT I'VE ALLOWED YOU TO BE A BULLY." WE'RE DOING AN INTERVENTION. SOMETHING'S GOT TO BE DONE. AND THEN, MAMA, WE'RE GONNA HAVE A CONVERSATION. Iyanla: ANIVIA AND JEANETTE HAVE A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP, SO I'M MEETING WITH JEANETTE TO FIND OUT WHERE THINGS WENT WRONG. FOR ANY MOTHER, THIS WOULD BE A LOT -- TO LOOK AT YOUR DAUGHTER AND WHAT SHE'S DONE TO HERSELF. MM-HMM. HOW DO YOU MANAGE THAT? A LOT OF CRYING. [ CHUCKLES ] BECAUSE SHE'S NOT AROUND THAT MUCH, I'VE BEEN ABLE TO COPE. AS I'M SPEAKING WITH JEANETTE, WE HEAR ANIVIA, WHO IS DOWNSTAIRS EAVESDROPPING ON THE CONVERSATION, EXPRESSING HER UPSET. THEY GOT ALL THIS STUFF TO SAY ABOUT ME. SO WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS AS A MOTHER THAT ALLOWED THIS TO GO ON? YELLING, CALLING NAMES. THAT'S WHAT -- HER? I'M REALLY READY TO GO UP THERE AND TURN THE [BLEEP] UP. IT'S KILLING ME, TOO. I'M NOT AFFECTIONATE. I'M NOT AFFECTIONATE BECAUSE I'VE NEVER RECEIVED IT, AND I DON'T KNOW HOW. I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH BEING AFFECTIONATE. I'M SITTING HERE STUCK ALONE BY MYSELF. ROBERT, WHAT'S THAT? HOW IS THAT HELPING ME? WHAT IS -- THAT'S HER? Robert: THAT'S ANIVIA UPSTAIRS. SHE'S UNBELIEVABLE. NO, NO, MAMA, YOU JUST BREATHE. YOU JUST BREATHE. SHE DRAINS THE LIFE OUT OF EVERYBODY. SHE'LL TALK TO HERSELF. I AIN'T BEING HELPED. I'M STRESSED THE [BLEEP] OUT. LIKE NOTHING FEELS LIKE NOTHING'S WORKING. [ TAPPING ] Iyanla: LET ME SHARE WITH YOU WHAT YOU'RE DEMONSTRATING RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE DEMONSTRATING THAT YOU ARE NOT A WOMAN OF INTEGRITY. MM. REALLY? BECAUSE I STOOD OUTSIDE WITH YOU, BEFORE WE SPOKE A WORD, I SAID TO YOU WE'RE GONNA TALK TO WHO WE NEED TO TALK TO. WE'RE GONNA SAY WHAT WE NEED TO SAY IN ORDER TO SUPPORT YOUR HEALING. DO YOU REMEMBER THAT? YES, I REMEMBER THAT. OKAY, YOU DON'T GET TO RUN THIS PROCESS. I'M NOT TRYING TO RUN THIS PROCESS. DO YOU FEEL LIKE I'M TRYING TO TAKE YOUR JOB? YOU CAN BULLY EVERYBODY ELSE. I DON'T BULLY ANY-- AND DO THAT DIVA THING, BUT I DON'T PLAY THAT. EITHER YOU'RE GONNA DO IT OR YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT. I'VE BEEN DOING IT. WHAT HAVE I BEEN NOT DOING? I'VE BEEN DOING IT. I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING PUNISHED FOR SOME REASON. WE'RE DOING SURGERY ON YOUR SOUL. IT DOESN'T HAPPEN IN YOUR TIMING. YOUR FAMILY IS HERE. LYING ON ME. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING. I HEARD THEM. I'M NOT BEING A DIVA TO YOU. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING? IT DOESN'T MATTER. YOUR PLACE IN THIS HEALING PROCESS RIGHT NOW IS TO BE ON THIS SOFA, SITTING. DID YOU FINISH YOUR ASSIGNMENT? WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER? HOW ABOUT JUST BE STILL? OKAY. CAN YOU DO THAT? I'LL TRY. YES, I'LL TRY. MNH-MNH. WHAT IS THE MATTER? Jeanette: [ Crying ] THE DRAMA IS JUST SO MUCH. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, BUT YOU ALL HAVE TOLERATED IT FOR HOW MANY YEARS? YOU'VE ACCOMMODATED IT FOR HOW MANY YEARS? I'M SO TIRED OF IT. YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE TIRED. COME ON. JUST LEAVE HER ALONE. I'M HERE TODAY. SHE AIN'T BADDER THAN I AM. THANK YOU SO MUCH. [ LAUGHS ] I'M TELLING YOU, I FEEL LIKE THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG UPSTAIRS. ANIVIA HAS BULLIED ME AND MADE ME FEEL SO GUILTY ALL MY LIFE. WE GONNA PUT AN END TO THAT. MY MOM AND I ARE OKAY. WE'RE UP AND DOWN. WE'RE NOT BAD. WE ARE BETTER. BUT MY MOM LIKES TO PLAY THE VICTIM, AND SHE DOES NOT LIKE TO OWN UP TO WHAT SHE DOES. AND ON THE SHOW, I SUGARCOATED A LOT OF HER STUFF. MY MOTHER BEAT ME LIKE I WAS A WOMAN ON THE STREET. MAYBE IF I WOULD HAVE EXPLAINED THAT, PEOPLE WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD IT. BUT INSTEAD OF HER SAYING, "OKAY, I PLAY A PART IN WHY SHE'S SO ANGRY WITH ME --" I AM DEFENSIVE WITH YOU BECAUSE I'VE HAD TO DEFEND MYSELF FROM YOU LIKE YOU WERE AN ENEMY ALL MY LIFE. WE'RE ONLY 18 YEARS APART. WE'RE NOT LIKE MOTHER AND DAUGHTER. WE'RE VERY MUCH LIKE OLDER SISTER RESENTS LITTLE SISTER FOR TAKING HER PARENTS AWAY. MOTHER RESENTS DAUGHTER FOR TAKING HER FREEDOM AND HER LIFE AWAY. THAT'S THE ROOT OF IT. Iyanla: I WANT TO HAVE WHAT I CALL A WOMANHOOD INTERVENTION WITH THIS FAMILY. SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO HEAR WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY. SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO TAKE IT ON. SHE'S GONNA HAVE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FROM IT. AND FROM THE LITTLE NASTINESS THAT I'VE SEEN AROUND THE EDGE... THIS IS NOT GONNA BE EASY. IF THEY START LYING, AND THEY START TO ATTACK ME, 'CAUSE I DO FEEL IT'S GONNA BE LIKE ME AGAINST THEM, I AM TICK-TICK-BOOM. SO, CAN I WARN YOU? IF YOU CAN'T ALIGN WITH THE GUIDELINES THAT I'M GONNA SHARE WITH ALL OF Y'ALL, I'M GONNA BE TICK-TICK-GONE. LET'S GO HANDLE OUR BUSINESS, GIRLFRIEND. Iyanla: THESE WOMEN NEED TO PURGE THE FEELINGS THAT HAVE KEPT THEM APART. HELLO, LADIES! Together: HI. YOU GOT YOUR FURRY BLANKET. YES, THANK YOU. NOW, WHO HERE HAVE YOU NOT SEEN OR GREETED TODAY? HAVE YOU SEEN AND GREETED EVERYBODY HERE TODAY? NO. HI, LADIES. Together: HI. HELLO. THIS IS A WOMANHOOD INTERVENTION, AN OPPORTUNITY FOR WOMEN TO SHARE WITH ONE ANOTHER WHAT'S ON THEIR HEART FOR THE PURPOSE OF HEALING. I ASKED THEM TO BEGIN WITH SELF-FORGIVENESS FOR THE BAD BEHAVIOR THAT THEY SAY THEY HAVE ALLOWED, ACCEPTED, AND TOLERATED FROM ANIVIA. WHO'S THE OLDEST SISTER? Tiffany: ME. I FORGIVE MYSELF FOR LETTING YOU, YOU KNOW, DISRESPECT ME AND TALK TO ME ANY KIND OF WAY. BUT I LOVE YOU STILL. WHO'S NEXT IN LINE? I FORGIVE MYSELF FOR ALLOWING YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR NOT AGREEING WITH YOU. Milan: AND I FORGIVE MYSELF FOR ALLOWING YOU TO DISRESPECT ME. AND I LOVE YOU. Anivia: SO, HOLD UP. FROM WHAT I'M TAKING FROM THIS RIGHT NOW IS THEY'RE FORGIVING THEYSELVES BECAUSE I'M A MONSTER AND I DONE DID THEM ALL SO WRONG? DID YOU HEAR ANYBODY SAY YOU WERE A MONSTER? I DISRESPECTED Y'ALL -- DID YOU DISRESPECT THEM? DID THEY DISRESPECT ME? THAT'S NOT THE QUESTION. THE QUESTION ON THE FLOOR IS, DID YOU DISRESPECT THEM? YES. OKAY. THAT'S ALL THEY'RE SAYING. THEY FORGIVE THEYSELF FOR ALLOWING YOU TO BELIEVE THAT WAS OKAY. OH, OKAY. IT DON'T HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. OH. MM-HMM. EACH OF THEM HAS SOME CONFESSIONS THAT THEY WANT TO MAKE TO YOU, AND IF YOU HAVE ANY CONFESSIONS YOU WANT TO MAKE TO THEM, WE WILL DO THAT. MISS SHASSADI, DO YOU HAVE SOME CONFESSIONS THAT YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE? YES. I CONFESS THAT I SOMETIMES CONDONE THE BULLYING BEHAVIOR BECAUSE I WOULD RATHER LET YOU TALK DOWN ON OTHERS INSTEAD OF TALK DOWN ON ME. [ Voice breaking ] AND I FEEL LIKE WE'VE LOST OUR RELATIONSHIP. BECAUSE? BECAUSE I CAN'T TOLERATE YOUR BEHAVIOR. WHAT DID YOU JUST HEAR HER SAY? A CROCK OF SELFISHNESS, BECAUSE THAT'S NOT TRUE. WHAT -- I DIDN'T ASK YOU IF IT WAS TRUE OR NOT. I ASKED YOU WHAT DID YOU -- I JUST HEARD HER SAY A BUNCH OF GIBBERISH. OKAY. WOULD YOU LIKE HER TO REPEAT IT? NO, I HEARD IT CLEAR. BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU BEGIN TO LISTEN WITH YOUR HEART, THAT YOU LISTEN WITH YOUR EARS, NOT WITH THE MASK! I'M NOT LISTENING WITH A MASK. I'M LISTENING WITH MY EARS, BECAUSE THERE'S MORE TO IT. HOLD ON. TAKE THE EDGE OFF. PUMP YOUR BRAKES, BABY GIRL. PUMP YOUR BRAKES. I AIN'T THE ONE. 'CAUSE I FEEL LIKE YOU'RE COMING AT ME LIKE THAT. I AIN'T THE ONE. ME EITHER. I'M NOT THE ONE. SO WHY ARE YOU BEING SO AGGRESSIVE WITH ME? NO, I'M NOT BEING AGGRESSIVE. THIS IS A TEACHING. YEAH, BUT I'M FEELING LIKE YOU'RE JUST ON ME LIKE THIS. REALLY? YEAH. THAT'S HOW YOU FEEL, OR IS THAT -- THAT'S HOW I FEEL. BECAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS LOOKING FOR THE FIGHT. YOUR SISTER COMMUNICATED SOMETHING VERY AUTHENTIC AND POWERFUL, AND WHAT YOU DID WAS DISMISS IT! THAT'S HOW I'VE BEEN FEELING FOR THE PAST YEAR. THAT'S WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO ME. I HAVE BEEN THERE FOR MY FAMILY, AND WHEN I NEEDED THEM, THEY WERE NOT THERE FOR ME. DID Y'ALL HEAR THAT? OKAY. MAMA, YOU HAVE SOME CONFESSIONS? YES. I CONFESS THAT I HURT YOU BY CALLING YOU NAMES, BY HITTING YOU. [ Crying ] I CONFESS THAT I PLAYED A MAJOR ROLE IN ALL OF YOUR PAIN. I CONFESS THAT I'M AFRAID FOR YOUR LIFE. I CONFESS IT HAS BEEN SO HARD TO EMBRACE YOU, BECAUSE I'VE BUILT A WALL TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM YOUR ATTACKS. SO WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO CONFESS TO YOUR MOM? Anivia: I'M NOT JUST NASTY TO YOU FOR NO REASON. OKAY, YOU WANT TO PUSH ME AWAY? I'M NOT GONNA CRY ABOUT IT -- I'M GONNA SNAP AT YOU. YOU PUSHED ME AWAY. I TRIED TO THROW YOU A BIRTHDAY PARTY. I TRIED TO DO EVERYTHING. WE DON'T HAVE TO SPEND MONEY AND DO BIG THINGS IN ORDER FOR YOU TO SHOW ME YOU LOVE ME. I KNOW YOU LOVE ME. WHAT'S GOING ON INSIDE OF YOU RIGHT NOW? WHAT ARE YOU FEELING? I AM AGGRAVATED. ABOUT? I'M ANNOYED. I'M TIRED OF EVERYBODY. OKAY. NOBODY HERE HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE REASON WHY I AM THE NASTY PERSON I AM. WHO YOU ARE AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. MISS IYANLA, I'M AWARE OF WHAT I DO. NOW, WHAT CAN WE DO TO FIX IT? TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR MOUTH. THAT WOULD BE THE FIRST THING. THAT WOULD BE SO EASY IF I COULD. GIVE UP THE FIGHT. THAT WOULD BE THE SECOND THING. I'M HUNGRY, I'M THIRSTY, I'M ON MEDICATION, MY BUTT IS HURTING. I'M GOING THROUGH STUFF. NOBODY HERE IS SITTING THERE WITH THEIR ASS HURTING 24/7. THAT'S GONNA ALTER YOUR MOOD. BUT IT DON'T MATTER. IT'S ALL RIGHT. COME WITH ME. COME WITH ME. COME WITH ME. YEAH, PLEASE DO. I'M OVER THIS [BLEEP] Iyanla: SHE'S NOT WELL. SHE'S NOT WELL. I'M NOT SITTING HERE LIKE NO PRISONER. I'M AGGRAVATED. I'M NOT SITTING THERE LIKE THAT. I'M NOT GONNA LET NOBODY DOG ME OUT AND TALK TO ME ANY KIND OF WAY. Iyanla: THERE JUST COMES A MOMENT WHEN YOU JUST HAVE TO DISENGAGE AND LET IT SPIN AND WIND DOWN. JUST DISENGAGE. Anivia: I'M READY TO WALK. WHY Y'ALL STILL FOLLOWING ME? LIKE, TAKE THAT CAMERA OFF OF ME. THERE WAS A MOMENT WHERE MISS IYANLA LEFT ME IN THE RAIN, GRABBED MY FAMILY, AND LEFT ME OUTSIDE. AND WHAT LED TO THAT WAS MY UNGRATEFUL SISTERS THAT SAT THERE AND TALKED ABOUT EVERYTHING I DO TO THEM. OH, THEY WERE SUCH VICTIMS. I BULLY THEM, I DO THIS. BUT ALSO I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT HUGS YOU AND KISSES YOU AND LOVES YOU. AND WHEN YOU GO THROUGH SOMETHING, YOU CAN'T TALK TO MOM BECAUSE SHE'S SO SELF-ABSORBED. SHE'S NOT GONNA GIVE YOU GREAT ADVICE. YOU CALL ME, I GIVE YOU GREAT ADVICE. YOU COME, YOU CURL UP IN MY BED. YOU DON'T DO THAT WITH YOUR MOM. SO WHEN YOU GONNA TELL THE BAD, TELL THE GOOD, AND THEY DIDN'T DO THAT. SO I'M THAT BAD OF A SISTER? IT MADE ME SEPARATE MYSELF FROM THEM A BIT BECAUSE I REALIZED THAT I WAS NOT BEING APPRECIATED. I WAS BEING TOLERATED FOR WHAT I COULD BRING TO THE TABLE. Anivia: I'M NOT SITTING HERE LIKE NO PRISONER. I'M AGGRAVATED. I'M HERE IF YOU WANT TO COME AND HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH ME. WHAT I WILL NOT DO IS CHASE YOU DOWN THE STREET. I DON'T DO THAT. I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO CHASE ME. I MEAN, I WAS SITTING THERE. YOU WALKED AWAY FROM ME. LEFT ME TO GET BIT UP BY MOSQUITOS. SO... "CHASE" ME. MAN, I'M READY TO GO. WHY DID I WALK AWAY? BECAUSE THERE COMES A MOMENT, MISS ANIVIA, WHEN YOUR SPEAKING BECOMES ABUSIVE, AND I DO NOT ENGAGE ABUSE AT ANY LEVEL. DO YOU WANT TO HAVE A CONVERSATION? WE CAN GO SIT DOWN AND HAVE A CONVERSATION. OKAY, I'M BENEATH YOU. I GOT TO LISTEN. OKAY, LET ME GO BE THE PEASANT. [ SIGHS ] HERE'S THE BOTTOM LINE, MISS ANIVIA. YOU NEED TO DECIDE AND CHOOSE WHETHER YOU ARE GONNA TRUST THIS PROCESS, AND NUMBER TWO, YOU NEED TO GET CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. I'LL HAVE TO THINK ABOUT THAT TONIGHT. OKAY, YOU THINK ABOUT THAT. AND IF YOU COME BACK TOMORROW, I'LL BE BACK TOMORROW. Iyanla: WE'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO, BUT I HAVE TO SAY THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS THAT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND ABOUT THIS CLIENT. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT EXACTLY IT IS THAT SHE WANTS. AND IN ORDER FOR THERE TO BE ANY HEALING AT ALL, I'VE GOT TO BE CLEAR. SO I JUST HOPE THAT SHE HAS SOFTENED UP A LITTLE BIT TODAY. I WROTE YOU A LETTER. OKAY. "I WROTE YOU FIRST TO APOLOGIZE IF I RUBBED YOU THE WRONG WAY, AND TO CLEAR THE AIR FOR A FRESH START." I WAS RUDE. YOU WERE FRIGHTENED. AND I'M IN YOUR FACE, IN YOUR WORLD, IN YOUR BUSINESS. BECAUSE I'VE GOT TO STIR IT UP. DID YOU SEE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO CHANGE? MY ATTITUDE, THE WAY I TREAT MY FAMILY. MAY I COACH YOU A LITTLE BIT? SURE. OF COURSE. ONE OF THE THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO SUPPORT YOU IN ADJUSTING IS HOW YOU TREAT YOURSELF. SO WHAT I SAW YESTERDAY IS THE DEPTH OF YOUR SELF-HATRED. THAT'S STRONG. WOW. DID YOU KNOW THE MEANING OF YOUR NAME? YES, IT'S RIDICULOUS. WHY? "SNOW WHITE." YEAH, BUT DO YOU KNOW THE STORY OF SNOW WHITE? NOT REALLY. SHE WAS KILLED BECAUSE OF HER BEAUTY. REALLY? MM-HMM. OH, I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. "MIRROR, MIRROR, ON THE WALL, WHO'S THE FAIREST OF THEM ALL?" AND THE MIRROR KEPT TELLING THE STEPMOTHER, "IT'S SNOW WHITE." AND THE STEPMOTHER WANTED TO BE THE FAIREST, SO SHE DECIDED THAT THE WAY FOR HER TO BE THE FAIREST, THE MOST BEAUTIFUL, WAS TO GET RID OF SNOW WHITE. SO SHE POISONED HER. AND THEN THE DWARFS -- THE SEVEN DWARFS -- PUT HER IN A GLASS CASKET ON DISPLAY, WHERE EVERYBODY COULD COME AND SEE HER BEAUTY, EVEN IN DEATH... MM. ...UNTIL THE PRINCE CAME ALONG AND KISSED HER AND WOKE HER UP, MEANING UNTIL SHE WAS ABLE TO RECEIVE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. MM. ISN'T THAT FUNNY? I DOUBT VERY SERIOUSLY THAT MY MOTHER KNEW THAT OR HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT. YEAH, PROBABLY NOT. MY GRANDMOTHER NAMED ME. BUT THAT'S WHAT YOU'VE BEN CARRYING -- THE ENERGY. THE NAME IS THE NATURE. YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE WHAT I'M GETTING READY TO SAY, SO LET ME JUST PREPARE YOU. [ LAUGHS ] OKAY. THERE'S A TRUTH ABOUT YOU THAT YOU DENY. WHAT'S THAT? A TRUTH ABOUT ME THAT I DENY? REMEMBER WHAT YOU WROTE ME ON THE NOTE? THAT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT'S EVERYBODY'S BUSINESS, AND THAT'S NOT SOMETHING THAT DEFINES ME, SO... WELL, THAT'S A FORM OF DENIAL. BECAUSE WHEN YOU GET TO A PLACE OF REAL ACCEPTANCE, THEN YOU DON'T CARE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. IT'S NOT ABOUT THAT. IT'S JUST THAT THAT'S MY BUSINESS. AND IT'S SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO ME. IT DIDN'T HAPPEN TO YOU. IT'S A PART OF WHO YOU ARE. I'M DONE TALKING ABOUT IT. I'M SERIOUS. THAT'S WHY YOU WENT TO GET BODY ENHANCEMENTS -- INABILITY TO STAND IN THE TRUTH OF WHO YOU ARE. MM-HMM. AND ALL OF ITS IMPLICATIONS, BECAUSE IT HAS IMPLICATIONS ON YOU PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, PSYCHOLOGICALLY, AND SPIRITUALLY. I AM NOT GOING TO SIT HERE IN FRONT OF THESE CAMERAS AND DISCUSS THAT. WHAT YOU WROTE ME ON THAT PIECE OF PAPER YESTERDAY IS AT THE CRUX AND THE CORE OF YOUR HEALING. I'M NOT READY TO DO THAT. SO WHAT IF WE TURN THE CAMERAS OFF? AND TURN MY MIC OFF AND TURN THE CAMERAS AWAY? TURN THE CAMERAS OFF. SHUT THE CAMERAS DOWN. WE STOPPED ROLLING BECAUSE I WAS LIKE, "YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET THAT OUT OF ME, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL CUT THE SHOW NOW. I'M GOING HOME." THAT WAS THE BEST PART OF THE SHOW. THAT IS WHERE SPECIFICALLY SHE FIXED MY LIFE, AND I WILL FOREVER BE GRATEFUL TO HER FOR THAT. "THIS IS THE ROOT AND THE CORE OF ALL YOUR PROBLEMS. THIS IS WHAT CREATED THE BODY DYSMORPHIA TO MAKE YOU HATE YOUR BODY. THIS IS WHAT CREATED THAT BODY THAT YOU HATED, WHICH IS WHY YOU GOT THOSE BUTT SHOTS TO BEGIN WITH. SO LET PEOPLE KNOW WHERE THIS PAIN COMES FROM." AND ONCE I WAS ABLE TO SAY IT, IT WAS LIKE, "OH, OKAY." THAT RIGHT THERE TOOK A LOT OF LOAD OFF OF ME. THAT'S A SECRET THAT I CARRIED. I NEVER TOLD ANYBODY. AND THAT IS THE BEST THING THAT COULD HAVE EVER HAPPENED TO ME. SO, WHAT IS THE TRUTH ABOUT YOU... Iyanla: I RESPECT AND HONOR THAT ANIVIA'S SECRET IS A VERY DEEP WOUND. SHE ASKED THAT WE TURN OFF THE CAMERAS FOR A PRIVATE MOMENT BEFORE REVEALING HER SECRET OUT LOUD. THE TRUTH IS... THE TRUTH IS... I WENT THROUGH ALL THESE ISSUES AND WENT OUT AND GOT THIS STUFF DONE TO MY BODY BECAUSE I DIDN'T DEVELOP THE WAY OTHER GIRLS DID. TAKE YOUR TIME. RIDE IT ALL THE WAY OUT. BECAUSE WHEN I WAS 17... I FOUND OUT THAT AT 13, MY BODY ATE MY... MY BODY DESTROYED MY OVARIES. YEAH. SO, SINCE 17... I JUST FELT -- I MEAN, I HAD TO TAKE... I CONTROLLED MY HEIGHT. I CONTROLLED MY BREAST DEVELOPMENT. I CONTROLLED EVERYTHING THROUGH... HORMONES. HORMONES. "AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL..." AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A SCIENCE PROJECT. I DON'T FEEL LIKE A WOMAN. IT'S WHY I'M SO MEAN. BUT IT'S SUCH A RARE DISEASE, THE WAY MINE HAPPENED. AND BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE OVARIES, YOUR MENTAL, EMOTIONAL, AND SPIRITUAL BEING IS IMBALANCED. HAVE YOU EVER MADE A FULL ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF THIS TO YOUR FAMILY? Iyanla: YOU KNOW, THEY SAY YOU'RE AS SICK AS YOUR SECRETS. SO THE SECRET IS WHAT MADE HER SAD AND ASHAMED AND BITTER AND ANGRY. AND I KNEW THAT ONCE SHE COULD RELEASE THAT, CHANGE WOULD COME. Anivia: SO, HOW ARE WE STARTING OFF, MISS IYANLA? STAND IN THE TRUTH. YEAH. "THE TRUTH IS..." THE TRUTH IS... "I DON'T..." I DON'T HAVE ANY OVARIES, AND THAT HAS ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL BITTER, SAD, EMPTY, AND LESS OF A WOMAN. AND AS A RESULT, I WOULD JUST BE MEAN AND NASTY AND RUDE. [ Voice breaking ] AND NONE OF YOU COULD UNDERSTAND IT, I ASSUMED. NONE OF YOU COULD UNDERSTAND. NONE OF YOU COULD EVER UNDERSTAND IT. YOU DID GOOD. THANK YOU. YOU DID GOOD. I'M GONNA START WITH YOU, MAMA. WHAT DID YOU HEAR YOUR DAUGHTER SAY? THAT HER CONDITION... HAS MADE HER FEEL LIKE SHE'S NOT A WOMAN. AND WE MADE HER FEEL LIKE WE DON'T UNDERSTAND HER PAIN. PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR NOT... ACKNOWLEDGING IT. NOT TAKING THE TIME TO TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR YOU. THERE CAME A MOMENT WHEN SHE JUST NEEDED TO PUT HER HEAD IN YOUR BOSOMS AND LET HER HEART BREAK. AND, YOU KNOW WHAT... LET HER DO IT NOW. YOU CAN DO IT. COME ON. COME ON. I'M OKAY. NO, YOU'RE NOT OKAY. NO, I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. YOU COME TO HER. I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT. I NEED YOU TO. BECAUSE I NEED TO DO IT, TOO. I NEED IT FOR YOU. AND I NEED TO DO IT FOR ME. YOU UNDERSTAND? WE BOTH NEED THIS. WE BOTH NEED IT. FORGIVE HER FOR NOT KNOWING HOW TO HAVE THE CONVERSATION. BUT GUESS WHAT? I KNOW NOW. Iyanla: YEAH. AND WE WILL. DO YOU HEAR ME? THIS IS A PROMISE TO YOU. AND I WANT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION. WHEN WE LEAVE HERE, WILL YOU COME HOME SO I CAN FEED YOU AND MAKE YOU SOME CHICKEN? YOUR FOOD IS NOT GOOD ANYMORE. [ LAUGHTER ] Iyanla: MAMA'S FOOD AIN'T GOOD?! [ LAUGHTER ] SO, MY LADIES, MY WORK HERE IS DONE. IT'S STILL A MEDICAL MYSTERY, SO I GOT SOME TESTS DONE, AND THEY GAVE ME A HYPOTHESIS, I WOULD SAY, THAT IT WOULD MAYBE BE KALLMANN SYNDROME, WHICH IS WHY I DON'T REALLY HAVE A SENSE OF TASTE OR SMELL. IT AMAZES ME HOW I'M JUST ABLE TO SAY IT. PEOPLE SAY, "OH, YOU'RE 37, YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS." I'M LIKE, "NO, CAN'T HAVE ANY." LIKE, IT'S JUST, "MM, AS A MATTER OF FACT." I WILL BE HONEST. MY MOTHER HAS GOTTEN A LOT BETTER WITH OWNING HER STUFF. LET'S JUST SAY WE KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE A LITTLE MORE EFFECTIVELY FOR A LITTLE BIT LONGER. I'M VERY GRATEFUL FOR THAT SHOW, THAT, YES, IT WAS EMBARRASSING THE WORLD HAD TO SEE ME LOOKING LIKE THAT, BUT IT WAS WORTH IT IN THE END, EVERYTHING THAT IT DID FOR EVERYONE ELSE. SO BEFORE YOU GO AND TRY TO CHANGE YOUR BODY AROUND, YOU NEED TO REALIZE THAT YOU ARE UNIQUELY CREATED FOR A VERY SPECIFIC REASON. SO JUST EMBRACE IT, JUST LOVE YOURSELF.
