[Iyanla] When it comes to personal growth and healing, there is a distinction between being finished and being complete. When you are finished, you have reached the end of your capacity to absorb things in a productive way. [Lisa] What do I do about it now, Mom? Can i buy you? You ain't got enough damn money to buy me! [Iyanla] LisaRaye McCoy was finished for a time. When you look at your mother, you should see what you already are. [Lisa] Mm-hm, I'm not taking it 100 percent, na. Now, she has returned, to complete. I've been praying about this for a long time. I'm really hoping, and I'm really ready. It's time to move forward. [Iyanla] When you are complete, you have turned every stone, finished every task, received everything available, done all you can do, and you walk away knowing it is done. So, I s'posed to break my neck and be, when everybody else want me to be there. You ain't present, anywhere in your life. The lights are on and nobody's home. I am Iyanla Vanzant, and I am here to help you do your work. [Iyanla] When I last saw LisaRaye McCoy, she was hoping to mend the broken relationships with her mother and her daughter, Kai. The three women were living together in Ms. LisaRaye's home and their relationships were in crisis. But now, Ms. LisaRaye has returned on her own, and I am anxious to hear if anything has changed. [Lisa] Hi. Good morning! -LisaRaye McCoy! -Hello. How are you? -How are you? -I'm really well. I've been good. -Yeah? -Yeah. -[Iyanla] I'm glad that you came back. -[Lisa] I am too. [Lisa] I didn't think that I, got enough. I have felt some heaviness, I have felt some guilt. The kind that keeps you weighed down. And I'm just, you know, I'm at a point in my life where I feel it enough to go,"What is all of this?, and why I gotta keep this? And how do I get rid of it?", I'm there. To just shed, in a right type of way. I need to heal. Well, I'm glad you came back, for those reasons and more. Because it was very clear to me, that you were not-, that you were finished, for the time. And what we were doing, you know, trying to move through with your, with your Mom and your daughter. But you weren't complete. -[Lisa] No. -[Iyanla] And how come Kai didn't come? 'cause I understand you wanted her to come. With her, it's about her time, and her money. "If I'm not gonna receive funds for this, then, you know, my time is too valuable." -And how's Mom? -[chuckles] She's been packing ever since we left from down here last time. [laughter] [Iyanla] She's been packing. She hasn't left yet? [Lisa] No. [Iyanla] We probably did this backwards. Some of the things that we can heal up, are first with you. And then you'll be able to see why it looks like that with them. You know, my mom has shared some things with me that made me go, "Wow!", You know? I just didn't have a clue. And I was just, really grateful that both of you could see it. You were the other woman. [Iyanla] Are you open to the possibility, that part of the challenge you have with your daughter is the fact that in your relationship with her father, she was like the other woman, competing with you for his attention. As a kid, I just attached myself to who I felt they gave me my way, which I knew that was my father. So i leaned towards him, you know, and I used it to my benefit. So I thought, you know. Until he actually was murdered. My life had completely turned upside-down. It wasn't that I had time. Like there was a sickness or there was an accident. And I can say, you know, that way-, Someone took his life! So, is that something you'd be willing and ready to shed? -That anger, that incompletion. -Yes. -[Iyanla] We will ensure that, -[Lisa] Okay. [Iyanla] Because, if you don't do this shedding or laying down, what's going to happen in your life? What do you think? I think I'd probably explode. And live in such a negative way that it will affect my family, umm, legacy. You know? We got some really important work that we've got to do alright? -You look good! -Thank you! -I'm gonna have to take that jacket from you, though. -Uhh, I know. [laughter] [Iyanla] Before we start our work together, I want Ms. LisaRaye to understand that there is a great deal of work, hard internal work, if she is to become the true queen she is destined to be. And the work of a queen is not easy. Here's your throne, and your crown. But, to get there, we have to sit in these valleys. I think you've been through most of them, but I think you missed the lesson in some of them. So, before you leave here, I want you up there. But, the work we have to do here The Valley of Understanding means to get up underneath a thing, and stand in the truth of what it is. And that's gonna take courage. Dr. Maya Angelou said, "Courage is doing what you know needs to be done, before you're forced to do it." And sometimes we don't do that because we go into resistance and denial and fear. And I want you to be able not to resist things, and to see it when it comes up. Otherwise, you're gonna end up in the Valley of OPP "Other People's Problems". Other people's purposes. That's why it's very important for you to have your purpose and intent clear about everything. So that you can reach a level of success, not "out here" baby, "in here". -[Iyanla] Right now, [Iyanla] my job is to take you through those valleys and to put you in that throne. [Lisa] Now, okay. [Iyanla] Come with me. [Iyanla] So, we gonna sit right here, in this Valley. [laughs] One of the things that I wanted to talk to you about was, I was ready to crown you, throne you, shawl you, but, that didn't work. Do you know why it didn't work? why we didn't get there? You said that we was a mess, we don't feel, uh, that we think too much and- The greatest thing for me was the depth and level of resistance that I experienced from you. Know what I see here? A wall! Know what I feel? Nothing! -I know it's in there, -Uh-huh. but you are so rehearsed, in your responses. What you see and what you hear as rehearsed, is me searching for how I feel. -Let me tell you how your speaking betrays you, -Okay. "I have to think about how I'm feeling". That right there is the problem. As long as you're processing in your head, and not in your body, you're never gonna get to the feeling. So, I'm glad to hear you say you wanna shed. I'm very aware that recently you had a, kind of a public breakdown with your sister, Da Brat, yeah? And I know, from you being here that you are in breakdown, with your mother and your daughter. Before we came here, I was walking on eggshells just because I was like, "I don't wanna go off on nobody before we get down here, 'cause she might be able to tell me something to be able to deal with it." -Why? -So Im'ma be okay. Because when I get there, then everybody gonna tick me off and then now the whole house is gonna be rocked. The relationships that I have right now are in breakdown. Why is it with you, you and you? What does that mean? It's not with them. The breakdown, is in you. So I'm saying, "Okay. Her daughter is who she was, your sister is who you are, and you're mother is who you're becoming." It's an internal battle, but it's up here. All of us, we want to be at the mountaintop. And we don't get our healing at the mountaintop. We get our healing in the valleys. And that's where I wanna take you. Because, if we don't do it now, it's gonna get bigger, and uglier, and more painful. Are you aware of what you just did? -I'm asking you a question. -And I'm asking you one, since you came to see me. -No -[Iyanla] Are you aware of what you just did? So it upset you but not that your father had a girlfriend? [Lisa] That's bull[bleep] Who you were, was a young girl in love with her daddy, idolizing her father. Excusing, tolerating and accommodating the way he dishonored and disrespected her mother, and you made excuses for it. [Iyanla] We don't get our healing at the mountaintop. We get our healing in the valleys. And that's where I wanna take you. Because, if we don't do it now, it's gonna get bigger, and uglier, and more painful. -So sent you a rating scale. Can we review that together? -Sure. So these, principles are just really about some of the stuff we're gonna be working with. So, you had a rating scale of 1 to 5, 1 meaning: I don't have none of this. 5 meaning: I embody this fully. -So talk to me, where are you in patience? -Four. Four. This is me most of the time, but I'm striving to do better. -Yeah. -So you think you're patient? -Yeah. -Okay. -Courage? -Four. -Wisdom? -Four. -Really? -Uh-huh. -[Iyanla]Okay. Honesty?[laughs] -Four. Okay. -Non-judgement and forgiveness? -Four. -Self-mastery? -I'm disciplined so I put four. [Iyanla] Okay. -Yep. We got lots of work to do. -Okay. [Iyanla] The work that I have for you is heart work. The real throne for the queen of who we are as women is our heart. So let me start right here with you. The Valley of Understanding. Tell me about your first love story. Who was the first one to break your heart? -Probably my father. -Yeah. Tell me about that love story with him. I felt like the way that he would look at me, the way that we would... the time that we spent together, he was my number one fan! And he made me feel like, you know, what I was doing was worth something! Let me ask you a question. How did your father end up in a wheelchair? -A robbery. -How old were you when that happened? [Lisa] Umm, it think I was like maybe 8 months. -Also, you don't know your father other than being in-, -[Lisa] Right. a wheelchair. And for a long time I didn't believe, I didn't know what I thought, but it was almost like, "Why you staying in that chair?", Till I remember, one day, taking him in the wheelchair and saying, "I'm gonna teach you." And I pushed him, and he fell. -Out of the chair? -Uh-huh. And then that for me was like, Well, either somebody was really negligent in their parenting, or you just don't remember. If that happened, then you would be totally, freakin' traumatized. I do remember, though, what it meant to me was, we have to not cater to him, but we gotta take care of him. [Iyanla] So, how did he break your heart? He had a girlfriend, the young lady that murdered him? Her daughter went to the same school that I graduated from, which was like this prominent school, you know? And it was like,"Ugh!, Does she get to go to the same school I go to?, That's not your daughter." -Were he and your mom still together at that time? -[Lisa] Yes. So it upset you that he brought the daughter into your space, your territory, but not that your father had a girlfriend? When you're a kid see that yeah, you're arguing about it but Daddy's still at home so, we're good again, we're a family still, you know? [Iyanla] So, what do you understand about that? -[Lisa] About the...? -Seeing something that you know is outta order. And, excusing it, accommodating it, tolerating it. What do you know about that now? -Yeah, I do that, uh-huh. -Where would that be? With Kai. When she becomes forgetful. What do you mean "forgetful"? She'll say,"Oh,I didn't mean to. I just forgot." Close your eyes for me. When Kai says she forgets, what are you acting like you don't know? That she's forgetful? -Is that it? -I do know that she's forgetful. "When Kai says that she doesn't-, that she forgets, what I act like I don't know", is what? I think that's fess full of [bleep]. Yeah well, this is when I'm asking you when you gave yourself a 4 in honesty. She tells you she forgets about stuff she don't wanna do. Let's get in the valley, okay? Kai, is the representation of who you were! And who you were, were a young girl in love with her daddy. Idolizing her father. Excusing, tolerating and accommodating the way he dishonored and disrespected her mother. And you made excuses for it. And you do that now. What is the breakdown between you and your sister? -[Lisa]I told you yesterday. -You said,"My feelings were hurt." Yeah, well, no [bleep]! [Iyanla] And who you were, were a young girl in love with her daddy. Idolizing her father. Excusing, tolerating and accommodating the way he dishonored and disrespected her mother. And you made excuses for it. And you do that now. Let me ask you this, are you disappointed in your daughter? -Yes. -[Iyanla] Has she broken your heart? -Yes. -[Iyanla] Yeah. -Has she shown up as less than you need or want her to be? -Yes. Just like your father, baby. Yeah, but, I still stand by, as a young child, if I'm used to this going on, I'm thinking that it's a normal thing. No. You still have a feeling about it. Yeah. But, I can't go back to sixth grade -and tell you I felt like-, -Oh. You absolutely can. Well, then, I don't know how to do that. [Iyanla] How you can do it most effectively, is to look at your daughter and get in touch with those feelings. You're in breakdown with her because she stirs up the unresolved issues and feelings that you had from-, at that time. We can get into your feelings. -Are you willing to do that? -Yeah! [Iyanla] Okay. Take your shoes off. For Ms.LisaRaye, getting in touch with her emotions, what she feels in her heart, is nearly impossible when she is rationalizing those feelings in her head. But, I have an exercise I believe will open her heart. I want you to lay down. So that she can get in touch with the little girl, whose heart was broken so many years ago. I sense that early,early,early in life, that your vulnerability, that your innocence, was exploited, violated. So, in the Valley of Non-Resistance, we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable. Just relax. And I want LisaRaye to be fine. Who is LisaRaye? LisaRaye was... LisaRaye was four. -LisaRaye was... -In love with her father. [Iyanla] So, when did LisaRaye get frightened? There was a fire. A smoke fire. At our apartment. My mother wasn't there. She was next door. I tried to get out the door. I couldn't. -And? -So, then I ran back to my room, and then I heard my mother come. She had left some beans on the stove, that had smoked up the house. So when LisaRaye gets frightened, there is nobody there. [Iyanla] When did she get lonely? -When I had to share my father. -With? -With the other family. -Yeah. -[Iyanla] And it made her feel... -I felt felt angry. Yes! Good. Yeah. -Helpless. -Helpless. -Frightened? -I felt. Mm-hmm. Was she gonna lose daddy? -[Lisa sobs] -Yeah, yeah. Let it come out. Let it come out. Yeah. This is just old stuff coming up out the valley, okay? There's a lot of guardedness in there. [Lisa sniffles] [Iyanla] But again, there's just a number of breaks, at all levels of your being. And how do we get them integrated together? Tell me about your husband. -Actually, he reminds me of my father. -How so? Was husband was definitely a ...playboy. He had a woman over here. He was dating this person. Entertaining that person. -[Iyanla] And you are his wife. -Uh-huh. Hmm. Interesting. Just like your father. Umm-hmm. Breathe...Breathe. So why are you upset with your sister? -Mu upsetness, -[Iyanla] Um-hmm. is actually, my wellness is hurt. Okay. [Lisa] When she came out to the public, I knew that she was goin' through a transition and stuff, that she have a new relationship. But this particular relationship I haven't heard anything. And when I say anything, I mean anything. And then one day, she tried to surprise me on my show. I was shocked. I was surprised. Shocked. -Surprised and shocked at what? -That she had even agreed, to come on to say happy birthday. And then she said we've had some distance in our relationship. And then, when she said that you know, it was like I don't even know how to be fake about this. The girls kept eggin' it on, but my co-host. And then for me it was like, "Yeah. I don't know [bleep]." The question that I asked you was,"What caused the breakdown?" Or "What is the breakdown between you and your sister?" -You said,"My feelings were hurt." -I told you I said, that was my, that's my emotion, yeah. That does not sound like hurt feelings, Ms.LisaRaye. [Lisa] I didn't say it was at that particular time. At that moment that was anger speaking. Okay. Come on. Im'ma put you the my sofa and Im'ma go to my chair. [Lisa sighs] [Iyanla] I just wonder how much of what happened in your relationship with your dad, goes on in your relationships with other people. How about, because of his behavior, everything feels like a betrayal to you? How about that? And I think you see and hear betrayal in places that it doesn't even exist. Because betrayal will make us angry first. Your mouth is saying, "It hurt my feelings." But that was a betrayal response. Tell me what you hear me saying. Nothing. -[Iyanla]What happened? -I blanked out. Yeah. And where else and how else do you do that in your life? 'Cause that's what people get. If all your close relationships got issue, it's you boo. The universe is trying to tell you something. And you have to have the courage to see it. [Iyanla] But you can see it here: O.P.P. "Other People's Problems." What people's problems are present in your life right now? Your mom feels that once you made it, "went Hollywood", as she said. That you weren't there for her. Your daughter feels that at the moment that she really needed you, that you weren't there for her. Oh. I-I've-I never heard that. She said that when we were together. When her career took the extra step, she started to go onto TV and things, and she was gone longer hours. I wasn't really listening to my mom. And, I was sent to disciplinary school in Iowa. I honestly don't remember what was so bad that made that decision. -Ahh. -Honestly. Have you ever talked to her about how it hurt you that she sent you away. Okay. Yeah. That's all I want to know. Thank you very much. [Iyanla] So, it's quite possible that you didn't hear it. But that's what she shared. That she felt that bad, so- So I'm s'posed to break my neck and be, wherever I s'posed to be when everybody else want me to be there? Are you aware of what you just did? -I'm asking you a question. -And I'm asking you one. Since you came to see me, I'm asking the question. -[Iyanla] Are you aware of what you just did? -Well, the [clears throat] I'm seeing the same message. And what you say to me is, "So, are you telling me that I's supposed to blah blah blah?" You take the pieces out that you don't wanna deal with, which is resistance. And I'm very, very clear. You ain't present, anywhere in your life! And that's what people feel. But more important, the not being present in your life. You ain't present for you! The lights are on and nobody's home. I'm in turmoil with the ladies in my life, and I want to know why this keeps coming up. I wanna show you exactly how it happens, so that you can see it, okay? But more important, the not being present in your life. You ain't present for you! The lights are on and nobody's home. -That's interesting. -[Iyanla] What? That you said that I'm not present. So,when I blanked out it was like,"Why you not present? What is that" And then I said to myself, "Cause I'm tired of trying to do it for everybody." I was like, "I am going to do me now." And that's what's going on in my head. Come and let me show you something. [boots clacking on the floor] It's an uphill climb. You have to put it together for yourself. So your homework for tonight is gonna be between reading all of these valleys, just a little piece. And I wanna ask you to tell me where you're outta order in each of these valleys, that keeps you from getting to that throne. [birds chirping] -[Lisa] Hi. -Happy morning! -[Iyanla] How was your night? -Full. Good? Really? It was good but, full, um, just sitting by myself, you know, just trying to be authentic, honest. Just trying to take in the words. Your way of being, is that when something comes [snaps fingers], -you've gotta process it and make sense of it. -[Lisa] Umm-hmm. We've gotta get you outta here, to here. Is that what you meant, when you said yesterday -that I'm not present? -[Iyanla] Yes! -I was struggling with that last line. -Good. I'm gonna have to get out of my own way! -Yeah. -You know, of what and how I was raised and because I look at that and I go, "Well, you turned out alright, so, Hey! Just pass that along to yours." You know? Right. You came here with your mother, and your daughter, initially, but if I sit this here, as the Queen of the Castle, it's so important that you... know your place, and your role. When I started noticing that there were things happening in my life that made me go, "What is this?" and "I've seen this before!", and "Why this keep coming up?" And it was like, "Uhh, cos you ain't knocked that out the box yet." And it was like, it was clear that, because I'm in turmoil with the ladies in my life, you know, it really set me back to go, "Okay. The common denominator is you." So, what is it? What's the work I have to do? And I want to know what that is! It's-it's just a lot! Well, let me tell you why... Because, who you are matters. Now let's take this to another level. The Queen, she represents. When you open your mouth, you represent me. When you open your mouth, you represent Michelle Obama. When you open your mouth, you represent, not just Kai, but my daughter. The Universe is calling you now, to a different way of being. And, in order to be that, you gotta get these lessons. That's what these Valleys are. They're experiences. That's all this is. Every woman, we all have to go through it, okay? [Lisa] It's time to move forward. It's time to get out of the box that I was in. And go to another level, another box. And what you're getting ready to do, it takes courage so that you can understand, alright? Gimme your book. Here's the piece that, I want you to get. "The girl child achieves her inner experience of womanhood by way of initiation from her mother. The mother teaches this through the way she treats her own womanhood. Now, tell me how your mother, that queen mother woman, what did she demonstrate about her own womanhood? Umm,what's the opposite of value? [helpless laugh] -Yeah. Opposite of value, devalue. -Devalue. -Yeah. -Devalue. Yeah. She was devalue, yeah. And so, that's what she showed you. So, the question then becomes: How do you either devalue your womanhood, or devalue other women? How do you victimize, or feel like a victim? Do you set up competition, or maybe feel you're being competed with? Maybe Kai, I don't know. You have to look at those things. And I've been doing that for years. And you can still do everything that you've always done. You just have to do it in a different way, that's all the Universe is saying. They're just lessons that you may be resisting. [Lisa] I read something too, last night, maybe it was O.P.P. -The people-pleaser. -Yes. -Yeah, that's me. -Yes It's going to take a shift up here. How you see, what you see, the way you see it. It's gonna take a level of vulnerability, and courage, to say that doesn't work for me anymore. Without being attached to how they respond. -Yes. -And, that's where you're attached. I feel your heart today. And, that's where you wanna be as a woman. I don't care what's coming out your mouth. I'm vibing here. [snaps fingers] Are you open to some feedback? 'Cause I think we're on a roll here. I wanna show you, exactly how it happens, so that you can see it, okay? Okay. -You know why I said that? -[Iyanla] Why? 'Cause I wasn't listening. Gimme your crown. Gimme the whole thing. The pillow, everything. I'm not gonna crown you. [Iyanla] Are you open to some feedback? 'Cause I think we're on a roll here. I wanna show you exactly how it happens, -so that you can see it, okay? -Yes. [Iyanla] Okay. Resistance is futile when the truth is evident. It's time for Ms.LisaRaye to know the truth, about how her behavior is creating what she is experiencing. So, I want her to watch some never before seen footage of her last visit. [Iyanla on recording] You don't make clear and specific requests. I want everybody to go. [Iyanla] Let Kai figure it out herself. You say, "Okay. This is you move-out day. No further extensions." You're not evicting her. You're saying to her, "I want my house back." Tell me what you saw there. You asked for something. -What did you ask for? -My house back. Yeah. And you said, "I want everybody out." Now watch this... "So, I'm giving you from now until December 15th, to no longer be a resident in my house." Right. And, in-between that time she's going to wash the dishes -and help around the house. -Maybe not. [Iyanla] Queen, this is September. Can you just let the dishes be there until December 15th . What I'm hearing that you want, is people out your darn house. You can have your whole damn house on December 15th. What do you need to do to be okay with dishes in the sink until then? -You asked for your house. -Uh-huh. [Iyanla] But in order to get it you may have to not resist some other things. -The "not resist", -Means, -Not gonna resist. -Right. I can put up with dishes- -'Cause I've been putting up with it all this time. -Right! But if you gonna insist, that I want this, and it's gotta look like this. [Lisa] Because the intention is- The success is "out my house". That's success. You understand? -[Lisa] Mm-hmm. -Okay. [Iyanla] Repeat and complete with me. -What I'm now aware of, -What I'm now aware of, is that I did not prepare my daughter, that I did not prepare my daughter, to be a solid-standing woman. to be a solid-standing woman. -And I forgive myself. -And I forgive myself. A lot of the stuff that you know and I know, we learned because we fell down and scraped our knees. -Mm-hmm. -[Iyanla] And, as moms, we wanna prevent the knees of- yeah. -But she won't know she'll stand, -Until she needs it. Until she needs it, Mama. -Mm-hmm. -Mama, she needs it. And just be there for her when she calls me. Even right now, she's in trouble. Are you there? Or are you just telling her what to do. -I know exactly what you mean. -Okay. Good. I don't have to explain that. [Iyanla laughs] Saves me some time! [Iyanla continues laughing] Okay. Here we go. Your mom and I have been having a conversation about, what the next steps are. This is the announcement that you need to make to her. -You know, I love you... -Mm-hmm. [Iyanla] Did you see anything there when you said, "You know, I love you." And she said, "Mm-hmm." -That's not the same as me saying, "I love you." -[Iyanla] Yes. Come on, Queenie. That was almost a command, "You better know I love you." [laughs] -[Lisa] And so she respond the way that, "Mm-hmm." Yeah. -"Mm-hmm." Yeah. -Mm-hmm. -Right. -[Iyanla]Can you see it? Okay. -Mm-hmm. [Iyanla] And then, what did I say to you? I said, My request is that you are out of my house, That you are out of my house. -[Iyanla] Bye. -Bye. I wanna say that- I can't remember, what I think I wanna say that we agreed already that there was gonna be a year. Where did that come from? -'Cause I just disregarded what you and I had just said, -[Iyanla] Yes. with a date. [Iyanla] And, not what we had just said, my love, what you wanted. -And you know why I said that? -[Iyanla] Why? 'Cause I wasn't listening. All of those things on that check mark yesterday, where you said you were a four?... You might wanna go back and redo that. -[Iyanla laughs] -Mm-hmm. [Iyanla] So? [clears throat] -You ready for a little more? -[Lisa] Mm-hmm. -Don' wanna overwhe- -[Lisa] No, I'm good. -Okay. [Iyanla] Okay, I wanna introduce you to some patterns and I wanna see if you understand these patterns, that you are gonna have to work through. Are you aware of the pattern that your daddy cheated and your husband cheated. [Iyanla whispers] Okay. Are you aware of the feelings attached to that? [Iyanla whispers] Okay. Are you aware of the pattern that you were spoiled and your daughter is spoiled? [Iyanla laughs] Okay. Are you aware that Mom...was very controlling over you as a child? And that you... may have been very controlling over Kai as a child? Okay. Are you aware that, growing up, your parents had a tendency to walk around like nothing was wrong? And are you aware of how you've done that in your life? [Iyanla whispers] Yeah. Okay. Cleaned it up. Tell me, what you know now, that you didn't know when you got here yesterday. -[Lisa] Everything. -[Iyanla laughs] I have an understanding of the work that's ahead of me. Now, it's about having the courage to change the way that I've been doing things. That's who you were. That's not who you're becoming. And that's not in alignment with... Come on! [laughter] [Iyanla] You better stop it! -[Lisa] Yes. -[Iyanla] It's not what you want anymore. Give me your crown. Give me the whole thing. The pillow, everything. Put your hands out. I'm gonna give you this. I'm not gonna crown you. Because, only you can do that for yourself. The crown is one thing. The throne is something else. The throne is simply your heart. You'll know when it's right. I got one more thing for you. I'm gonna go see if it's ready. -You good? -I'm great! I can't do it for you... but I can sure walk with you. I promise I'll walk with you. [Lisa whispers] Thank you. [Iyanla] Ms.LisaRaye has secured some very valuable jewels in her crown. She has navigated through some deep valleys and that work has opened her heart. Her last step is an important one. One, that she, like every woman, must choose to take. You know that saying? "Yea, though I walk through the valley..." [Iyanla laughs] You know, as women, we gonna go through these valleys. And now, you understand what they are, -so you know what to look for. -[Lisa] Yes. [Iyanla] Understand they're just experiences that come to teach you lessons, that's all. But what I want you to understand, is where the valleys are leading you. -Close your eyes. -[Lisa] Okay. [Iyanla] Stay right here. I want you to open your eyes. The throne represents your heart as a woman. your authentic way of being, in the world. Standing in the truth, and the fullness of who you are. The jewels in your crown are tight. You are ruling from here, not from here. Don't mean you won't ever fall in the valley again, but it means that, you'll climb out in elegance without breaking your nails. [laughs] So... you can sit there now... if you're ready. That is the choice you have to make. [whispers] I am so ready. Choice is yours. [Lisa] I know now... those valleys, there's no way around them. I will repeat them. They will teach me. They are lessons. I have the faith, that this is where... I'm headed. This is who I'm becoming. I'm being this Queen. [Lisa sighs] Your heart. That's your heart. Your mantle. And it's just symbolized by the cloth. [Lisa] That empty feeling that I had, it's a different feeling. It's risen. Umm, I feel a readiness. And, yeah, I feel a calmness. [Iyanla] I love that, in your speaking you closed your eyes. I love that! I love that! That means you're internally referenced, instead of externally validated. [Lisa] But I so needed this, though. You know? I didn't know where to get it from, or how I was gonna get it. I don't think I even knew to ask. -I feel like I am in the right place. -Yes! You know, because it is happening now. -Yeah. -Yeah. Forever be different. [Iyanla] The next time I look anywhere on social media, and see you behaving inappropriately, I'm calling you out. You don't think I will, you ask Evelyn Lozada, she'll tell you, -I know you will. -[Iyanla laughs] [Iyanla] There is so much value in the valley. -Thank you. -[Iyanla laughs] [Iyanla] Good. Make a photographic picture. The valleys are those life experiences, that we go through and grow through, in order to sit firmly, in our queenly throne. Now listen, it ain't easy being a Queen. If you don't learn your lessons, they will come and knock you off your throne. But, when you live in your heart, you sit firmly in the throne. And, there's nothing and no one that can tilt your crown.
