Everything Wrong With The Lost World: Jurassic Park

movie thinks she remembered the name in the goddamn island from the first movie or give a favorite no Tommy don't wander off for God's sake leave her alone Deirdre stereotypical we're with the top rich family is stereotypically way over the top oh that's Camilla Belle star of 10000 BC and when a stranger calls damn I guess being cast as a young girl in a Spielberg movie doesn't guarantee a life of drugs and promiscuous sex only a career of middling films interesting mother screams about her daughter's horrifying attack are turned into a movie editing joke the scientists the guy on TV apparently the unbelievable story of dinosaurs on an island was a big enough story for everyone on this train to know about it no one believed this the first place how did it become a huge story kids important to the first movie or given a token cameo in the second one because this movie has a lot of gymnastics it needs to get out of its system that these kids can't possibly reproduce sight beam was the factory flaw that was on - 180 miles remember we braved the animals there a notch of them for a few months and then move them into the park yeah no you didn't or else you wouldn't have had eggs in the land in the first movie where we got to see them hatch and whatnot he wouldn't kept on that Dino DNA on Isla Nublar either yes the animals won't even know they're there any lowing strictly observation and documentation it seems like John Hammond has never heard of the observer effect the carnivores are isolated in the interior of the island so the team can stay on the Outer Rim don't worry if I'm not making the same mistakes again how so no you're making you're making all new ones Ian Malcolm would be amazing at cinema since Eddie who's a field equipment expert we have a pathologist who I am not revealing the name of until it's dramatic enough to do so there we go was injured well she's fine she's fine sure she is let's put the blood-curdling scream from her mom told us now that I think about it this whole scene was worthless we saw some tiny dinosaurs the attack happened off screen and the parents were terrible human beings and the girl was fine I could have gone straight to this scene and I wouldn't missed it now it's only a matter of time before this lost world roll credits so you went from capitalist to naturalist in just four years that's something yes it's gone forced character development where's the paleontologist she she came to me I want you to know this John plays the pronoun game and Jesus could you just tell him it's Julianne Moore already your son my girlfriend to this island alone and it's amazing how subtly they stuck the exposition in that line also how she been gone for days and Ian hasn't worried about her until now she doesn't even have Sega chocolate I it's like a wishes this joke wasn't dated as hell he's known her for 10 years lighted Malcolm asked Kelly to come all the way out here just so he could tell her she's staying at Karen's place is it so that she could become a stowaway and find herself on the island later but anyway you got your own stuff you got your your gymnastics competition movie plants the seed for something awful leader he's heard too many stories about this island chain why did he agree to go this far in the first place a single artists both photographer and expedition planner guy seemed surprised by the name of the island group that Malcolm's daughter clearly saw on board one of the RV's when she was stowing away a single Marcus also Spanish death Island cliche what does that mean really you mean you've never been exposed to basic Spanish your entire life nice dinosaurs under the picture because it's not time for the movie to be dangerous yet Oh give me a [ __ ] break she didn't hear any of that the last ten minutes instead of being surprised by a sudden other human sara goes straight into prankster mode and scares the set another human hilarious filming camera rewinds at inopportune time to create dramatic tension cliche that's why you shoot digital when you go to dinosaur island people how along convenience allows air to go on killed in the movies first 30 minutes because you said so we can save a ton a special effects budget by just believing you the Heisenberg uncertainty principle Malcolm feels the need to inform paleontologists Sarah Harding about the Heisenberg uncertainty principle started a fire oh I don't know the Donner you completely forgot about back at the warehouse for some reason because this movie needs to prove how bad fathers are do you see any family resemblance that's racist no Spielberg loves this parallel dialogue technique but for some reason here it doesn't occur naturally enough and it's annoying as with your parents that you never showed up for um skipped I want it up and running in 30 minutes that's half an hour for those of you that don't speak English I guess moody keeps putting in all these actors who were red hot in the mid-90s like that's not distracting ashy I love this guy and his character but damn it's like the casting director looked at the list of characters for this movie tried to narrow it down and finally said I will choose also god I wish this could've been the whole movie Kobayashi hunting down dinosaurs no San Diego scene just the most dangerous game Jurassic Park style hey check out this neat CGI you see that distinctive dome skull 9 inches a solid bone careful this guy was inserted in the movie so that he could Discovery Channel all the knowledge we need to know no one will be seated during the Mad Max portion of the dinosaur movie wait how did that work you're saying he shot some kind of gun and it was a wire with a noose on the end and it landed perfectly on that thing's neck to be reeled in or was that a different gun shooting at a different animal just slash cut into this sequence to confuse me this movie reminds me that the special edition Star Wars came out the same year and it pisses me off just thinking about it Soglin triassic is found by Ross in Bavaria in 1913 does it kill anybody dinosaur feels exactly like I do after a 40 minute first act the guy characters continue to be invisible to everyone they're openly spying on San Diego is the perfect set people already associate how a beautiful city with animal attractions San Diego Zoo SeaWorld San Diego Chargers went went super well organized and well funded Dino capture endeavor has no one guarding the captured dinos or even making sure they don't die and furthermore this board meeting seems like an incredible time waster I know Rowan has his heart set on bagging a full-size t-rex but engine currently has a baby t-rex tied up and ready to go why aren't they already on the way to say the AYGO is it so that Nick and Sarah can free the animals and we can have an island free-for-all for an hour Triceratops was just let out of its cage so of course the first thing it does is crack through Peters tent with a sense of irony also no one hears a rumbling Triceratops until it crashes through the tent as if we couldn't get enough of that avoided Jeep in a tree scene from the original Jurassic Park Steven Spielberg is more than happy to give us another shot of it how long does it take for t-rex parents to hear their child screaming they are fiercely territorial according to John Hammond and earlier we heard they wouldn't leave a baby this age alone for very long so these t-rexes are being very compliant with the plot right now we're not alone on this side something I'm surprised you didn't realise when all your helicopters flew right past the big RVs on a cliff when you first arrived look I get it these guys are compassionate they want to help the baby Rex but it's batshit insane to drag an injured baby Rex around do you think the t-rex parents are gonna be thankful hell no they're not the amount time it would take to properly heal this baby divided by the amount of time it would take for the parents to hunt you down and sideways is a survival quotient I'm not comfortable with run a completely different situation right now t-rex mom finally gets mad about her baby missing at the perfect time to punch Malcolm's words into his stupid face yeah that phone call probably isn't in any way important it's not like we're on an island full of dinosaurs or anything there's something pliable that I can go to save a t-rex machina birds fly away to signal something ominous cliche now you're definitely not doing anything that requires immediate attention and you're still not answering the phone on Dino murder Island instead of screaming t-rex six o'clock Malcolm two science on the do when I say without question method so stubborn Sara can waste more time t-rex is so pissed it went after a jeep that obviously has no living things in it and through it because even dinosaurs know what makes a cool shot okay now throw my mother outside already chicks up people time for your survival earlier when the T Rexes walked casually into the camp the ground was shaking under the high hide now that they're presumably running at full speed no ground shaking at all Malcolm speaks only in understated dramatic movie lingo when screaming is more appropriate also how could he see that anything bad was about to happen it's dark rainy and they're surrounded by trees unnecessary repetition of unnecessary orders T Rexes accomplished half their mission and then just peace out for ten minutes before returning she survives this just fine just a little scare I will say this scene with the trailer hanging over the cliff from the window that could break at any moment is pretty rad there are a couple moments in lost world that are great and this is one of them three double cheeseburgers with everything no onions I might queue all freephone when the rope goes loose but all three also catch themselves on the ledge ya know Jesus these people are basically cirque de soleil professionals why are they even worried about dining when they're basically gymnastic superheroes seriously the t-rexes are so hell-bent on revenge that after pushing the trailer over the cliff they walked off and then one I heard some sounds and said hello that sounds like a truck trying to pull the trailer back onto the cliff and ran back to stop it also meanwhile they've left their defenseless baby on the middle of the jungle so they can Liam Neeson this poor bastard okay honey make a wish also the t-rex is eat the one guy who didn't really do anything to them somehow the entirety of two full RVs and a connector tube falls off and down the cliff in a way that is perfectly aligned with the rope these three vehicles were all apparently 85% gas tank that must have been some incredible battle between the hunters and the t-rex's but movie is better served by not showing it I guess why they persisted in destroying the trailers to defend this entire area but this only occurred to them five minutes after they were long gone from the area so they could kill that dude from the west wing what is the problem well just train them to be your motorcycle bros right that hard man jeez ah so Raptor carnivore pack hunter you know from Jurassic Park and the Rex's may continue to track us to faith perceive a threat to themselves or to their infants no no you're wrong there dr. hardy mainly because you're a woman I mean because my man knowledge is better I mean damn it how can I put this into terms her double X chromosomes will understand taking dinosaurs off this island is the worst idea in the long sad history of bad ideas including for the movie itself but somehow the script didn't heed that warning hey Carter I'm going to the ladies room wait for me yeah okay well I see we found the guy who trained Stan Lee's janitor in the amazing spider-man and the cafe worker and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows well it was only a matter of time before the jungle produced one of those out of nowhere Hills people always fall down I'm just surprised it didn't happen as dieter was running away from the dinosaurs as I watched this attack I'm quickly reminded that these little bastards did this very thing to a little girl at the beginning of the movie and she lived Carrie miss diva wait a minute you mean Carter was only like 10 feet from the rest of the group why did none of the other nan headphone Waring people hear dieter when he was yelling geez man that guy is right there it would have taken less time to just tap him on the shoulder river of blood is here to tell you that dieter despite fighting off the copies the first time and staying in pretty good shape lost the will to do so once he jump behind that long and they worked super quickly this time kentley always ether crackles in pairs just so that when you see them sitting around you'll say to yourself one crackle is definitely an accident two crackles well I guess that's on purpose also do you want ants because this is how you get ants also you're not on a damp backyard camping trip you're on the run from killer dinosaurs who even decided to pack this in the first place oh I want to see some dinos don't want to forget the s'mores now the movies back to saying every single soft t-rex step is easily felt and hurt make up your minds yep a character who earlier mentioned that the t-rex has a great nose and might still be tracking them still has the goddamn t-rex baby black jacket she's a brilliant lab scientist but stupid as hell in the field so Nick took Rowan's gun and put spent cartridges into it Nick apparently thinks there's absolutely no reason ever that you might need to kill one of these things and is willing to risk lives on wait a minute is the movie saying after he tried to kill the t-rex once and found spent cartridges he suddenly grew a conscience into science now tranq him instead or did he not bring any spare ammo this cave is pretty damn convenient but more interesting to me is how they just knew a cave was behind this waterfall hero character falls down while running away from evil cliche come on this guy's so freaked out by a snake he forgets the t-rex how did this [ __ ] know they were behind the waterfall did he see them go in there did he watch the t-rex eat the Discovery Channel dude and think maybe my daughter and girlfriends in there too here's another great moment in this overall flawed movie we see the trails of the Raptors headed toward the hunters a great visual with great suspense I'm knocking off another since no one here is the first three Raptor victims get victim - this guy is screaming at nothing until in the next shot a raptor finally takes mercy on him and eats him so we scream wouldn't be in vain I think you saw Jays back crazy that you spotted it in the tall grass then assumed it would be important then recognized in the dark which person you just met earlier today this bag belongs to and all the Raptors vacated the area so our heroes could get through clean sudden fall slide in a jungle cliche combined whether they all survive this double cent sequel takes time during this suspenseful moment to fellate the first movie this actually still works after our hurricane came through it was attacked by overgrowth endured extreme heat and four years of non-use seriously we're still going with that lucky backpack idea Raptor simply wants those delicious graham crackers mm-hmm I don't know this kind of seems like a really stupid Raptor to me also Raptor bypasses all the clear exits from the building to crash through the last good window because it has OCD the Raptor who is on the other side of the truck it goes blind and simply allows Ian to run to the shack smart Raptor much like the audience is so stunned by the gymnastic turn this movie took it is dumbfounded what to do when confronted with it also on glad her gymnastics could play a part in the dinosaur fighting that's not stupid in any way Raptor in fighting allows air to escape yet again though I'm not sure what allowed her to survive that ball from the roof onto her back whatever it's okay it's over no okay movie should totally have ended right there but instead that's once over there they won't be taken with him because these two bullets represent the entire munition supply they're headed in a portal I can't reason so this is a decently suspenseful scene but is the movie telling us that once the t-rex started is rampaging on the boat no one sent out a distress signal somehow nobody thinks it's worthwhile to evacuate the people in the dock as a ship approaches at flank speed also nobody inside this building thinks it's a good idea to leave right now except the weaselly nephew this has always bothered me the t-rex went on a rampage and managed to eat whoever was at the ship's wheel without breaking any windows or opening any doors meanwhile whoever owned this hand apparently had the best grip in the world to the point that his hands stayed on the wheel after getting eaten whole first off this guy thinks this is a good idea he seriously thinks this is a good idea furthermore the t-rex went on an eating rampage throughout the boat and yet somehow he went down into the cargo hold and a dead guy managed to close the doors on it irony t-rex hangs out in San Diego you ready for the next 15 minutes of the ship nobody in the neighborhood hears this how is a chlorine pool a potable water source for dinosaurs Sarah's still anthropomorphic anthropomorphic giving human characteristics to the t-rex follow the screams cute but San Diego is a huge city they would actually need some kind of starting point to even find the screams bus accidentally foreshadows blockbuster videos entire corporate future I don't know if this is racist or if this homage just reminds me that the really stupid Godzilla with Matthew Broderick comes out the following summer but this is just a sin in my mind Steven Spielberg stages a scene where screenwriter David Koepp gets eaten probably for putting this San Diego [ __ ] in it the t-rex was apparently so flummoxed back at the factory it's like a mile behind them after being on their heels just a second ago here's the movie switching gears yet again trying to tell me that these t-rex footsteps on a boat would not be heard of felt by this guy Dinah topia dick movie makes a passing mention of pterodactyls gave 15 minutes to rampage over San Diego also how do you keep pterodactyls on the island do they use those invisible fences or a LoJack [Music] you one job one day's work very dangerous it does not expect all of you to live but those of you who do will have 91 million dollars to divide between you in any way you see fit the suit cost more than your education you see this watch that watch cost more than your car doesn't even have Sega she's a troglodyte that gap 230 miles from Dutch Harbor on the Cornelia Marie right now hardened kevlar plates of a titanium tip to try weave fibrous increase your rate of climb must go faster I call my agent up and she says Trent they asked for you specifically dog wasn't think I don't know it was it was drugs are bad Jenny eats something whatever it's happened [Music] I'm gonna go out jacking it San Diego

Channel: CinemaSins

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Keywords: everything wrong with, sins, cinemasins, movie sins, everything wrong with the lost world jurassic park, movie review, The Lost World: Jurassic Park (Film), review, wave jockey job, eww, cinema sins

Id: proODp0-kgk

Length: 16min 53sec (1013 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 02 2015