Everything Wrong With Aliens In 15 Minutes Or Less

[Applause] Wow Ripley's ship has been out in space for 57 years but it looks like she's aged 7 years well nobody said hypersleep was perfect these guys any indication that the air in here is breathable certainly nothing since they walked in here and if so why wear the masks at all Kevin yeah listen I'm glad the cat ends up being okay having said that shouldn't the hypersleep settings be completely different for different species did the cat not age either how long was I out there has no one discussed this with you yet dreams position you had drifted right through the core systems and it's really just blind luck that a deep Salvage team found you when they did how did she drift through the core systems without anyone knowing in the previous movie Ripley thought she'd be picked up within six weeks or so but she then scooted through those core systems like Sue Storm it's one in a thousand really actually it's a ton more than one in a thousand the odds are astronomical that Ripley ship was found space is like really really big I mean you may think it's a long way to the chemist but that's just peanuts to space listen and so on movie takes the awesome scene from the first one and turns it into a silly gotcha dream sequence but I guess all that exposition about her being asleep for 57 years and stand-up comedian Paul Reiser being in this movie still holds despite the last part being a dream sneaky you get to have a scary moment pretend to kill your main star and give the audience useful information where did the company get file photos like this wouldn't you have something more official than what looks like stills from the first movie I don't understand this you've been here for three and a half hours how many different ways do you want me to tell the same story this is likely what the writers of the next fourteen transformers movie said to Michael Bay when they were locked in the Bastille under his mansion why don't you just check out lv-426 because I don't have to there have been people there for over 20 years and they never complained about any hostile organism and I neglected to tell you this extremely important detail until you confronted me after the meeting well future business cards are ridiculously inefficient why is it easier to give people a plastic card that contacts you directly that a paper card that has your number you're going out there to destroy them right Ripley who has first-hand knowledge of the ways of the Whelan corporation trust someone from the Whelan corporation when he says they're not going out there to bring the alien back also I don't quite understand the motivations of the company here sure we need a reason for Ripley to be in this movie but if they're taking her along then it means they now believe her story about the alien witch she already gave them all the information they need so why bring her along you're staying here who's gonna take care of him you see the wheelchair dog owner from secret life of pets wait why is Bishop on the manifest Android shouldn't need hypersleep right really makes you wonder why none of these guys have an epic case of morning wood but you only do fetches slippers for you is that supposed to mean yeah who's know what she's supposed to be some kind of consultant I guess when you're all in your undies waiting to go to hypersleep nobody asks questions about the new crew member it's the first rule of orgies and space missions to kill aliens Vasquez have you ever been mistaken for a man oh how about my speaking for being wait that's jeanette goldstein right well I guess we can forgive aliens for not putting an actual Hispanic actor in this role since there were none available in 1986 right Maria Conchita Alonso yeah but Bishop missed he'd be missed sure he may not have expected Hudson's hand to be under his butt the whole point of this knife razzmatazz is that he can go super fast and not miss bishop maybe a great upgrade in Android technology but he sucks at parlor tricks we always have a synthetic gun I prefer the term artificial person myself and ridicule correctness also does it matter what Bishop prefers how far as AI progressed into sin C&C and if it's at the point where androids have preferences would they still be taking orders from humans I think not I'm shocked was it an older model and a hyper die systems 128 to hyper dine is that the offshoot of Cyberdyne are we mixing our terminator alien franchises is this after Skynet was officially defeated or is this a parallel universe god damned Terminator is always covering up their goddamn tracks well that explains it in the u2's Ovie's were a bit twitchy yeah but ash was specifically ordered to get the specimen back to the base so there was nothing wrong with its behavior or programming there was something wrong with the [ __ ] who told it to force a [ __ ] magazine down Ripley's throat I'm sorry we didn't have time to brief you people before we left gateway by they didn't have time to brief the Marines before they left but they have plenty of time between Gateway and now why not shorten the hypersleep cycle by at least an hour on the front end and brief them then it's not like it would dissuade anyone from the mission they're already on board I only to know one thing where they this is the James Cameron ization of the Alien franchise to bring in a bunch of grunts and action this movie up but the ulterior motive of the mission is to bring some back so why they hired the killing ass bunch of [ __ ] they could find she thought they said illegal aliens signed up that's racist although it is kind of funny that this is a true story that made it into the script because Jeanette Goldstein actually thought the movie was going to be about illegal aliens when she auditioned I'm not quite sure how that translates into her playing a different race but hey a jokes a joke EO how do I get out of this chicken outfit the producers of this movie took one look at weird science and said hey Bill for this movie don't change a thing a salsa now boss I'm taking ass in off of these mech suits man these things are a million times better looking than what we see in the third Matrix movie and that was 17 years later where you want it Bay 12 please these dudes seem incredibly impressed that Ripley can manipulate the mech loader bug this is well into the future isn't this like being able to operate a modern-day forklift well I know what combats eating you know your places combat seating is that a thing does that mean there's a totally different non-combat seating or a casual Friday seating I wasn't aware of every time I watched this movie I'm perplexed as to why these heavily armed marines let these two unarmed civilians tag along okay Ripley has experience at a paramilitary background perk that little chicken is an executive that's like taking Elon Musk to the center of a firefight oh there's no doubt during the soldiers grab their weapons and board the spaceship scene that they had to stop filming for several days due to James Cameron's tech donors which are known to last hours and even years damn cookin they clean the windshield off a little for United Airlines Drake check your camera there seems to be a malfunction hitting or punching the thing makes the thing more cliche I'm sure the colonist built a bar out of necessity here but where the [ __ ] did they get the neon and is that even necessary there are only 60 families here max but they probably all know where the alcohol is served alright thanks there was no need for you to do that before now because as we all know aliens don't attack when you first walk into a building alien that looks like a vagina is automatically more sex education than any tendency high school is willing to teach everyone else's armor mounted light is pointing forward but Drake's is pointing right at his chin so that any enemy will have a great view of its target for then why is everyone at Banting toward it Newt a smart little girl who survived the alien attack decides to be a jump-scare dick in front of these trigger-happy faces wait Rebecca Newt was born in Hadleys Hope and grew up here this is a terraforming and mining base with very few children but they not only had a functional elementary school they had time to give out awards for citizenship also the crew was put into hypersleep to fly out to this colony planet how much time is actually passed if second grade represents the good old days for nu then this must be a period of light months tops so shouldn't she be way older if the trip was so long as to require hypersleep come on we're wasting that time yeah there's no reason to continue to try to get information from what looks like the sole survivor of a xenomorph attack right Personal Data transmitters every colonist had one surgically implanted there within 20 klicks we'll read it out here once again something that would be useful to do immediately after they landed nude there's no doubt that Newt knows of the fantastic beasts and where to find them [Music] you know for someone who's lost their entire friends and family and has eaten nothing but beets for months it's a real [ __ ] Jesus Paul Rizer stealing Hispanic acting jobs too sir I just do it sergeant it would literally take less than 30 seconds for Gorman to tell them why they couldn't shoot the creatures but hey who needs open communication when you can use flamethrowers this is exactly why you tell your soldiers why they can't fire down here this one too [ __ ] they decided to check just happened to have an alien ready to burst out of her chest they passed like 20 other people on the way here right also how long have these [ __ ] been down here everything else is long gone but this one colonist was alive until exactly this point maybe she's a late bloomer seriously if no one was gonna listen to Ripley then what was the point of her being here I guess all that stuff about the thermonuclear reactor blowing up and there was just a bunch of [ __ ] because there was no way they didn't hit something vital during this scene apparently metal tires make the same sound on an alien planet as rubber tires on earth bastard aliens somehow slipped by everyone then stowed away on the mostly abandoned ship and motion sensors didn't detect it for some reason all the aliens were down in the high but even if there was another one lurking around the motion sensors didn't detect it and the pilot didn't either expire well where the [ __ ] the most significant moment in xenomorph evolution was when they learned to quietly open cockpit doors you see even the grunts in [ __ ] aliens didn't attend the Prometheus school of running away from things but it's pitch black right now so they're pretty much screwed either way how long after were declared overdue can we expect a rescue 17 days from where the same base Ripley and the crew left if so why the hell did they go and a hypersleep for 17 days it's just a little longer than a regular moon mission from the 20th century also if the crew had left at least one person up in the orbiter as common sense suggests they'd be rescued in five minutes or less and we'd have 70% less danger in this movie first off they just sealed off the doors to be barricaded in a small place so why wait until now to give this to Ripley say not everyone should be wearing these locators at all times right especially the non-military Ripley and Burke who would be more apt to get lost geez for a compound that was recently overtaken by an alien race this base has some clean ass linen yeah nothing bad in there because she's just a piece of plastic new would be amazing at cinemasins do you see that camera right up there I can see you right through that camera all the time you see if you say I'll be looking at it at all times and if I see one hint of an alien I'm fast enough to run in here and kill it before it gets to you I want these specimens destroyed mr. Burke gave instructions that they wouldn't be kept alive in stasis for return to the company labs Rick gave Bishop the keep the specimens alive order but he neglected to also give him the don't tell everyone when I'm doing because that'll freak everyone out they may want to kill me order our one of Newt watch went by without Ripley looking at a security screen once you take care of it won't you it comes dad I'll do his bug Hicks finds an extremely inopportune time to propose a weird sex act to Ripley or is it hold tight here whoa maybe this weapons training scene is a sex scene Louie will try to make us believe that Burke somehow tossed a couple of facehuggers into this room in order to preg Nate Ripley and Newton but how did he do that did he find some unconscious facehuggers that he knew would wake up eventually and slip them in there when no one was looking this room is soundproof for some reason you know Burke I don't know which species is worse you don't see them each other over for a goddamn percentage yeah but how do you know that have you Dian Fossey these aliens before I'd love to see the movie aliens in the mist since when do these trackers actually read the soldiers and the last scene these were used we saw only the aliens causing these sensors to be very conveniently I might add even though that's twice the movie has suggested the sensors can pick up the humans 7:6 Ripley did you not see the last movie there's so much no Pierre I'm shocked Hicks didn't die of stupidity also I'm kind of amazed that Ripley and the others didn't notice this when they check the schematics earlier this is a pretty big basic area the ship that would show up on blueprints right you know is annoying as Hudson is in this movie I'm gonna knock off a sin for help bill pass can please him maybe I'm being sentimental but damn he went full-on into this role but I'm also going to Edison back for this sudden alien in the door where that comes out of nowhere you mean the aliens sent a whole group through the ceiling and then this one [ __ ] through the floor yep Burke is dead my question is though how did he expect us to revive any of this when all the exits were sealed they were waiting for Bishop to do his while they stayed safely behind the walls so I don't know what he was really expected here which way is it to the landing field from here I know newts been crawling through these tunnels for a long time but how did she keep track of where the landing field was during her crawling experiences dental drill screaming as amazing as these aliens are at finding people wherever they may be it's insane they didn't find new tide away from earlier in the movie before Ripley did not that an alien really needs the element of surprise in this situation but why not just drag Newt underwater before announcing its presence every other [ __ ] that's been attacked by these aliens is super [ __ ] debt but Ripley immediately assumes Newt survived this also Ripley's readout showed several xenomorphs directly coming at them but only one kidnap snooze so I'm guessing the rest of them just took a smoke break or something while Ripley prepares for battle Hicks casually does a speedball to chill out after a hard day don't get me wrong this gearing up sequence is badass especially featuring a female character for a change but Ripley had like a minutes long gun lesson with Hicks earlier right now she's a weapons expert and these cocoons are easy to tear apart oh my god Ripley has a face hugger honour oh that's just new Ripley goes on a rampage against the alien eggs who could blame her these aliens are super evil and everyone is better off with them dead but isn't this facility set to explode in about five minutes why she wasting time with this when a she needs to get back on the ship now and be the reactors explosion will do this job for her can we have established rules for when someone gets acid on them after shooting an alien cuz it only happens when the plot really needs it too seriously even the regular aliens can climb walls and ceilings with no problem but the Queen has to take a elevator what a diva machina ex machina comes in the form of bishop in the ship he's piloting unless Newt had time to get to a bath at some point during the escape she's suspiciously free of the alien goo that was all over her ten minutes ago the alien queen stowed away on the ship somewhere patiently waited through the entire trip before attempting an attack on Ripley and Newton back in college I watch this movie in pop culture class yes I got actual credit for studying pop culture isn't life awesome anyway we were told to look for any kind of symbolism in the movie and in this scene two people in unison yelled Queen takes bishop and it was annoyingly clever or cleverly annoying depending on your point of view I'm really sorry and glad to share that with you today in this video since viewers not only is it doubtful that the Queen had time to get on the dropship it is impossible that she would secretly fit where the landing gear usually goes also this is a [ __ ] great scare I spend all this time cutting bishop in half he's posed zero threats to the aliens this whole movie and now she's completely given up the element of surprise get away from her you [ __ ] thankfully Ripley toiled in that menial shipping stocking job at the base so she could probably come food out of this mech loader believe it or not Ripley is in yet another airlock situation with an alien it's really the only way to dispose of the final bag damn it I thought in space no one could hear you scream [Music] no Bishop looks like he's just been through the worst and most dangerous porn ever filmed may is mental health month and it's a subject that means a lot to us here at cinema sites in fact we're partnering with Mental Health America to not only raise awareness of mental health issues but also raise a little money to we've got a brand new cinemasins t-shirt in the shop that all of the profits from the sale of the shirt will be donated to our friends at mhm also if you'd like to learn more about mental health you can check out cinemasins comm slash mental health awareness we've got mental health screening tools and detailed information about certain behaviors that could indicate mental illness mental health conditions are real common and treatable we can help reduce the burden of mental illness by identifying symptoms and warning signs early so check out these resources Mental Health Month works because it's about what others can do for us and what we can do for ourselves and crawl to freedom through 500 yards [Music] [Applause] [Music] is there air you don't know yo you're dead already there's no place I'm eating you think it's gone he's only a model telling me I got a bad feeling about this drop I got a bad feeling about this

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 4,109,355

Keywords: movie, mistakes, eww, weaver, review, alien, wave jockey job, cinema sins, sequel, cameron, aliens, everything wrong with, cinemasins

Id: oeAc5DFh7PE

Length: 16min 0sec (960 seconds)

Published: Thu May 18 2017