Everything Wrong With The Lion King In 13 Minutes Or Less

33 second Disney logo in the 90s makes me thankful this isn't a Pixar joint as well one of the best animated movies of all time opens with something powerful and dramatic and for so many of the images and a will constructed opening we're gonna take all three sins right off the bat these lazy ass birds are lazy this is a ritual that needs to be done for some reason even God shares his approval of the new lion cub by shining light down at the appropriate moment hopefully he'll save Simba's dad when the time comes - he's as mad as I hit a with a head there wouldn't any mammal with a hernia pee and basically the same amount of pain / anger scar pretty much had no choice but to be a villain since his parents named him scar and he was born with eagle eyes robbed him is this something that happens enough that we fossa is only mildly upset that scar tried to swallow Zazu why would say we even show up at his lair by himself if that's the case what am I going to do with him I don't know but after the scene I would definitely be on the lookout for scar to pull some straight-up Hamlet in the next couple of days son do I so they have James Earl Jones and Matt Sinclair to basically reprise their roles as king and queen from coming to America so does that mean Simba is gonna go to Queens and work at a McDowell's the symbol one day could pull over for having a transvestite hooker in his car everything the light touches is our kingdom manifest destiny what about that shadowy place that's beyond all borders okay first of all if it's a shadowy place then the light ain't touching it and Simba shouldn't have to ask second of all you've just said the light and sight where your borders but now suddenly oh yeah we have interior borders around that scary place I forgot everything you see exists together in a delicate balance that's why they're a gazelle bounding nearby with no fear whatsoever that I might eat them at any moment just like the real Africa when we die our bodies become the grass and the Antelope eat the grass and so we are all connected in the great circle of life I'll be sure to tell the Antelope that when they're grieving over their loved ones getting eaten Mufasa Simba Mufasa allow Simba to be addictive as loyal servants I never get to go anywhere you're like six days old dude Jesus when I'm what will that make you why does everyone assume that scar won't die well before Mufasa does and why does scar think he'll ever have a shot at the throne anyway scar seams will be on the ears where his possible royalty would even matter that much to it he should have thought about killing Mufasa long ago before Simba was even born Simba walks in on Nala while she's taking a bath betrothed intended a fee honest I mean you're gonna do it oh I'll just press the button for the stimulator I mean the elevator but you two turtledoves have no choice having no choice is like the baseline attribute of a Disney character Simba is outlining exactly how he'll bring about the downfall of the entire kingdom selfishness and excessive playtime this whimsical break in the song could have been genuinely tragic look I know we're in a cartoon musical where anything can happen but I'm drawing a line at synchronized animal pyramid stacking Zazu surrounds this damn it all right right our plan to distract Zazu with song and then trap him under a rhino's but came off without a hitch how can lucky are we hey genius it was my idea it was like distinctly remember you saying so how we're gonna ditch the dodo oh and it was Simba doing the talking until Zazu interrupted so how did you come up with it Nala you lying [ __ ] the elephant graveyard is creepy and cool but how do all the elephants know to come here right before they die wouldn't some of them be like dying right here where I am or are you saying they died but then other elephants or hyenas or some animal carries the bones all the way here just to keep this creepy spot of thing Zazu zombie corpse shows up just in the nick of time to start what we here at cinemasins would now like to call the flying dead do we order this deer to go no why cause Derek oh nice joke considering you spent precious seconds of a scape time to come up with it where's a zoo do you even worry about Zazu anymore after a rhino sat on his body hungry hyenas have a hot bowl to put food in that merely makes said food last off like a rocket no wonder they're starving this is the longest spine anyone has ever slid down to escape in the history of spine slide escapes I'm actually fine with Mufasa knowing Simba was in the elephant graveyard but knowing exactly where he wants to save him in time so scars plan to get Simba into the northern border actually worked but if he successfully killed Simba then what was his plan to then kill Mufasa literal big shoes to fill reference you deliberately disobeyed me you just said that two minutes ago deliberately disobeyed me this is a repetitive dad or a copy-paste screenwriter discuss well no and one is that like that was a long scar yeah they were they were very alone for a good long while but then you started talking before eating them and let them run away somehow then they weren't alone Wow scar found a way to get nature itself on board with this musical number oh this is a huge previously unseen hyena contingent just sitting around in the dark until now seems like scar has the power to become King right here just simply through song if you can find the right lyrics something insane what happened and I bet you could do throne Mufasa and no time maybe fright and wildebeest would Stampede down into a Gulch like this maybe they wouldn't I have my doubts but my real question is with the route that's steep how come half of them are falling and slipping and rolling all the way down this steep ass goddamn rock surface tons of clear area to the right here but Simba also went to the prometheus school running away from things Cinda is for any length of time able to outrun the hurt simplifies out of mufasa's mouth here but of course isn't trampled because it's math Oh okay well this movie has some balls but death of Mufasa is something very few cartoons are willing to do its plot appropriate it's dramatic so we will remove five sins despite that those scar gets a massive lucky break after being super unlucky doesn't this whole plan should definitely work without a hitch but Mufasa is a bastard and survives all the way up to the point where scar is forced to straight-up murder him not only that everything with the cliff is perfect so that Simba doesn't see this dad getting your hopes up wildebeest also where the hell was this guy when the massive Stampede was going on did you oversleep or something did he wake up and look at his watch and say I'm late for the Stampede run away never returned question why doesn't he just kill and/or eat Simba right now there are no witnesses and if he's telling him to run away there's obviously a benefit for scar to having Simba out of the picture and he's a wimpy baby lion who you already tried to have killed earlier anyway so why send away alive the one dude that can challenge your claim to the throne this is so much worse than monologuing him all right this is even worse than not killing him why didn't you kill him six seconds ago why are you letting this turn into a game for the hyenas and he wanted dead right there the fools that fill you last time dog Cinda has to climb this to avoid the hyenas but the movie glosses over that and he's at the top before they even catch up Simba survives this Simba's mom just accepts he's dead with no body to be found mere hours after everything went down Zazu conveniently forgets that scar punched him into a rock a minute ago when this started getting real it's almost like he forgets the guy has all the markings of a true villain that this is what he wanted all along and he was probably responsible for it Buzzard starts swirling around an animal that is clearly not dead and hasn't begun to decay for them to be attracted to it yet Timon and Pumbaa ex machina but my question is why do they even give us it means no worries for the rest of your day even if it'll get done promise that's not bad wait cute song but shaving his claws down like this is a horrible idea that only in dangerous him further out here in the wild you don't you my friends doesn't stood down seriously fart jokes are the literal easiest laziest comedy there is and it bothers me to see them in otherwise brilliant films like this also Papa not in front of the kids oh so it's completely okay to show and sound out farts on screen just not call them by their name gotcha hakuna matata glosses over the thing that made Timon an outcast did he murder a family of four I bet he murdered a family of four how a bug's life should have ended Simba definitely wasn't interesting during the time he grew into an adult so we'll tell that story and dissolves as he walks across along Zazu can get his head between these bone bars but not the rest of his tiny ass body scar wanted to be king for some reason own food sure he had enough more women uh knowing scar definitely not so what the hell did he want for being king at least King Claudius wanted to get a wife out of the deal I don't see what scars motive is the only thing he did was make the hyenas and lions live together and been prophets it's a small world after all oh no anything but that annoying DisneyToon was around even in the time Africa existed Oh on a scale of lazy-ass writing burp jokes are literally one slot above fart jokes nope wait that up I'm wondering something did Disney ask Billy Crystal to do this voice and when he turned it down they got Nathan Lane to do a Billy Crystal impression something you think these flower petals spell out sex when symbol falls into them I think a lot of you have dirty mom hey look I think I see a vagina in those flowers ninja magic medicine monkey is so ninja I wonder why any of this movie had to happen movie about remote African animals simply jam-packed with pop-culture references you know for kids thankfully for the resolution of the story Nala wanders really far from the bride lands to hunt and does so on the huge continent of Africa in the exact direction where Simba is yeah close one there also Nala a freaking force of nature lioness can't catch up to a freaking warthog by the way Simba should get his ass kicked in this fight he's been living the Hakuna Matata life remember he has I never had to hunt or do anything badass his entire life she was all mom wait a minute Pumbaa was food a minute ago are you telling me if someone pouches for him he sees be food lady have you got your lions cross has any Disney movie love puns more than this one I don't think so is what I'm saying I realize they know each other as kids and were betrothed even as kids and that there's still the only two lions way out here but still this hey I recognize you now I love you seems rushed as hell well they're not running away from any danger but a sudden Hill shows up again I don't know where that they can fall down possibly so this g-rated film can now something that substitutes our sex scene without alarming the NBA Tim if you don't do something soon everyone will starve okay why can't you do something why can only the heir to the throne we just now learned was alive do something now are you satisfied no post-coital argument he's alive I saw him two old Rafiki gets Simba's hopes up again only to show him the idea of his dad being alive is one of those metaphorical things I think Simba would have been happier with one of those Hogwarts paintings of living dead people he lives in you the power was inside you all along cliche cool part of the movie I suppose but what Simba have gone back to claim his throne without this supernatural dad vision I feel like his character would have been stronger if he hadn't needed this vision to make the choice am I alone here he was a good soldier god yeah maybe so but he was a kid when you died if you end this magical clown power before maybe you could have given him a boost Simba's going home but you know what this scene isn't inspiring enough let's add a shooting star you know what we need another okay one more and we'll call it a perfect shot I do man the vegetation all dies the weather is terrible everything about this entire ecosystem is based on the sitting lion Kings evilness or goodness you guys have to create a diversion oh really what did you plan to do of Timon and Pumbaa didn't make the trip huge distraction caused in order to remove three percent of the hyenas in their path seems worth it Tammi it's not true it's true Simba tells the truth but somehow doesn't get the full story one that he would easily be forgiven for even if it's 100% true you think there's an adult he'd be like my stupid little kid roar caused a bunch of wildebeests to Stampede I think not then no I'm not a murderer I mean seriously Simba makes things way worse by simply not telling the story and murder does anyone at the pride actually think baby Simba could have pulled off a straight-up murder of Mufasa lightning strikes nearby and sit on fire during the climax cliche wait is going on well it's over now Benson has joined the battle also the was this [ __ ] waiting for the battle to turn in the hero's favour are you talking to me out here in foreign Hey call me mister Hey finally taxi driver and in the heat of the night together at last run run away scar never return hey that's exactly what scar told Simba to do earlier villain does symbols to justify the good-hearted hero straight up killing them cliche I'm sorry I want him to win for sure but Simba has never been in a fight unless during that unimportant time where he was walking across a long at age five years he's somehow joined a dojo or something we didn't see he should get his ass kicked right here rain comes to wash away the fire just in time for Simba to be king again you think with this kind of higher power there would have been a conflict to begin with Simba does the thing that killed his dad in the first place and in no time all the vegetation and life grew back and began to flourish solely due to the moral compass of the current king a saw arranged marriages are always accurate perfect and you shouldn't fight them ah yes even Kings get scared huh fear leads to anger anger leads to hate hate leads to suffering look at the Stars different flavors I got them I got the sighs see I got sighs I got blades look at mush greet the dawning of a new era in which lion and hyena come together dogs and cats living together mass hysteria names furlough go buy them obi-wan never told you what happened with father he told me enough he know I you can't change the past the book says we may be through it the best the past him through with us it's my fault it's not your fault look at me son it's not your fault I know it's not your fault Timbers gone back to challenges uncle to take his place as king oh you have sentenced us to death perhaps they had better do so and decrease the surplus population

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 8,379,260

Keywords: everything wrong with, lion king review, cinema sins, eww, movie sins, cinemasins, the lion king, review, mistakes, wave jockey job

Id: hP4WsVHTVh0

Length: 14min 24sec (864 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 29 2015