Everything Wrong With Mulan In Mushu Minutes

[Music] a Disney logo that gets in and out in 13 seconds it's hard to believe it ever existed the sin is for how hard it is to remember it existing fYI oh it's a Rorschach test I see a poodle Mulan rips off the lotr movies before those movies are even in development I guess they technically rip off the lotr books in case the glowing yellow eyes dark hood and [ __ ] bird confuse you this guy has fangs this is for sure the bad guy cliche the Huns have crossed our northern border impossible once you get through the great wall not believing what you're told because a fork lor forgive me your majesty but I believe my troops can stop him single grain of rice can tip the scale even super it experienced rice that might get others killed through naivete or incompetence Cox as cute as it may be tying a punctured feed bag to a hyper dog and letting him into the chicken yard is not an efficient way to feed your chickens no matter how good it is for cartoon comedy god damn this horse our sins video from Mary Poppins and said you think that's a fat horse check this out because this is easily three horse torsos smashed together like deli turkey breast sitting atop two pairs of regular ass horse legs this horse is thick with a capital dam under them sisters please help me God see this is why I have to be careful what you ask for technically Mulan makes a huge impression on the matchmaker a terrible horrible no good one her father should have been more specific I mean yes this is a cartoon that is super unrealistic in many ways but these human powered carts are traveling at a blistering speed old days to be late I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck it wouldn't have helped grandma survives this I'm here me and my triple white horse are here the lyrics here are we're going to turn this sounds ear into a silk purse and rather than be offended on Milan's behalf I'm going to applaud anyone who can turn an ear into a silk purse that is some next-level Worple Stiltskin right there this entire song and segment is about making mulan pretty enough for men and while the movie ultimately is going to defy this ideology I'm still sitting the super sexist song for existing as these women sing I can't help but wonder how dressmaker Lali Liu is keeping those pins in her mouth she's pierced her lips hasn't she Jesus serenity more like sin Rena Dame all right two skinny body shaming Milan throws piping hot liquid on the matchmakers face and somehow puts out the fire on her ass you may look like a bride but you will never bring your family honor how can they trust this important stuff to someone that is so easily biased also this is like trusting a bunch of rich white dudes to pick the next pope I mean damn that is one amazing makeup wipe this move on know how much money she could make if she marketed this one swipe makeup remover so powerful so advanced that the makeup is mu gone she sings when will my reflection show while her reflection is showing at about nine of these tombstone Ten Commandment stones you would do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence moolah you dishonor me bad lessons this is where she chose to sleep during a rainstorm you must go after her she could be killed if I reveal her she will be well that seems convenient at least for story purposes and sisters hear our prayer watch over Mulan they sure trust in these ancestors and so far I gotta say they've not done much I mean I think Mulan is pretty great jumps on posts and doesn't pour tea well which I can relate to but I'm getting the vibe that she's basically a cup in her society and her ancestors would know that so what is their motivation for helping her also it seems like one of Milan's biggest issues is that a grandmother is sort of enabling her she's the reason for the wacky cricket and for encouraging Mulan to climb the roof and overhear the talk of war maybe the ancestors should formally accept grandma into their ghostly ranks and then everyone would be better off what I just said what everyone was thinking no one will be seated during the scene where a bunch of ghosts argue over who owns the rights to mullah your misguidance LED fog ain't a disaster yeah thanks a lot well now I have questions if the ghosts of the ancestors show the gory way in which they die does that mean that mr. no head here is the only family member to die a tragic death everyone else seems whole and elderly surely someone died in a funky way and I demand to see a ghost who choked on a dumpling so they send the tiny real dragon to wake up the giant stone dragon and this goes on for some time hello is this happening on our plane of existence if so shouldn't the family be able we'll hear all the ruckus this works your elbow not the rest of you that appears to be crushed beneath this massive stone but the bit of you that seems to have been spared makes sense sure I'll make Mulan a war hero don't be begging me to come back to work that's the master plan oh you've done it now me Jiminy Cricket this is some expositional bull this eagle isn't saving all the heroes right now because how would we know it's a bad guy if the bad guys horse didn't have fangs this Halloween by building his wall he challenged my strength this is the global politics version of she blocked me on Twitter so she must want me to keep pursuing her Who am I fooling I mean you haven't met anyone yet so technically nobody but with zero effort to fool anyone yet your discouragement over the ruse is premature the Pelican you see down that's racist my eyes can see alright that's it this honor this I'll own your whole family I'm sorry I'm sorry making the victim apologize for your inappropriate behavior disgusting men in general are not disgusting but this chopstick flick fest is absolutely nasty punching is how men say hello oh yeah you made a friend the girls in the audience may be thinking girl power but the boys in the audience are getting all sorts of duck messages on this one I will take the main troops up to the tongue shall pass and stop Xiong nu before he destroys this village soldiers how did they coordinate that manly urges and you just got to kill something this is almost as sexist as the movies main message is anti-sexist I've got a name and it's a boy's name - supergiant red flag is basically not noticed by anyone that should have noticed it ah spitting look you get tards and it's happy to see you but also two eggs and a nice strip of bacon you buried the lede force-feeding he sings mister I'll make a man out of you and good luck hunky guy sings once you find your Center you are sure to win and that's a boy whoa shoe is a filthy cheater cool three-week training montage but how does she manage to conceal peeing or being on her menstruation cycle sure maybe she was training in that perfect window of time where she didn't have to worry about her period but I have it on good authority the periods tend to start at the worst time so for sure she would have started and it would have been just as she kicked him in the face Shanny was addictive trees white horse hair Imperial stallions a white goat Bruce Almighty moon in the house y'all Stan watch Mushu while I blow our secret with my stupid girly habits hygiene okay first of all that's sexist second of all since when is hygiene a girly thing as opposed to just a cleanliness thing what is the deal with heart boxers in a Disney movie would any of these men really have this iconography on their underpants not likely I hope Raja bites the writers on their way out of the writing room boy that was close No that was filed you just poop food hygiene though dog I never want to see a naked man again my college girlfriend said the same thing to me after our first time but she was being sarcastic right we're supposed to be annoyed by this guy but consider this he stood like this for hours while this portrait was painted just so he could have the fanboy moment captured for all time that is dedication on a nerd level we should all appreciate this is the army make it sound more urgent please you know I'm talking about why don't you just tell the bug what to write also I thought Mu Shu was just gonna change the dudes report to reflect that the trainees were ready but he full-on orders them to war with a forged document and that seems stupid dangerous there's a news from the general somehow in the time it took cheap food to walk to the water and be rejected by the bathing men Mu Shu and creaky found a pant at a taem armor to stuff and bamboo intricate enough to animate the arms and hands of their puppet or should I say this works they go directly from the order to join them in the battle to a song that opens with lyrics about how they've been on the road for so long they feel like tired cattle and that's jarring they sing what do we want a girl worth fighting for and this is one of the most sexist Disney songs ever so maybe that one about sin and for me in Hunchback I mean I understand that we need to move the story along but this chien-po characters straight up rolled a natural 20 on a perception check to spot the dead general and another one for an athletics check to be line to his corpse and retrieve the helmet for li Shang in such a short amount of time so I'm told as she goes to place the doll in the snow and the army moves to race and protect the imperial city I have to wonder why no one shed a single tear over the total decimation of the entire Imperial Army including the captain's father some sad music played they all stared but no one actually got sad and it troubles me deeply there were a lot more people in the fighting montage so where exactly are all those men these are the most conveniently stormtrooper light arrows ever mu shu is a god well the homes have the high ground so I hope your hero's peace out and live to fight another day just like Anakin did aim the candidates shot you the single general way out in front so that when you miss him the cannon shot will have been completely wasted it's genius man one lucky boom no pink this movies working title was luck all around do you swim out of an avalanche on horseback this is some kind of all-time or insult to science right here jesus H Benjamin Fancy Pants McGee isn't water Jesus Mulan is strong she just one arm li Shang out of the snow and onto a horse without your pants are popping a to impossible and yet they do despite the 1500 pounds of people and animal hanging off an arrow and goddamned rope they survived this this gives me flashbacks in elementary school king of the mountain was a game we played outside at recess where the goal was basically to clog ouch and puncture your way to the top of the heap of other students I lost so often I became known as the basement of the mountain he's wounded get help get help from whom there on the Avalanche Mountain because it's magical medical tent appearing out of nowhere hormone those things are not synonymous even in these ancient times did that cricket find sticks I guess the joke is that the resources are so slim the fire has to be tiny but I don't think even that fire would last 10 seconds in a windy winter environmentally this and yes it goes out soon but only after Mu Shu literally touches the fire with his dumpling on a stick basically snuffing the flame with food also eat the horse yell or at least the dragon so when I looked in the mirror I'd see someone worthwhile well no one gets to do that except Joel Olsteen some book movie steals the character heals so loud that other characters miles away here at cliche from The Princess Bride wait that yell caused all the Hun Warriors to be able to come back to life and climb out of the snow if magic is being used I wish it would be explained did you see those Huns they popped out of the snow like daisies Moo shoo be fabulous at cinemasins [Music] you don't belong here but did you hear what she said my children they cannot hear you dude but come on with your impersonal Troodon dragon come on yes while I leap into action at any point before this moment a hawk carried a sword to your nemesis before a brood of baddies busted out of a dragon and scooped the Emperor but you just stay there frozen in place until someone yells come on the Huns drag the Emperor to the castle and close the doors instead of killing him never be just the M prime time yeah you better go get them find costumes that fit perfectly apply makeup and be sure the scarves will bear your weight as you scale the columns because this will be much faster than battering down a door with a massive statute your walls and armies have fallen and now it's your turn oh I guess they want to kill him publicly to make everyone sad do they need to do this to hold power here why couldn't they have killed him down on the ground floor put his head on a spike and call it a day the director said let's have a partially eaten Apple fall out of this cross-dressing warriors crotch it will waste time and make everyone feel like an [ __ ] bow to me now you want him to bow to you up here with no one looking this guy has weird [ __ ] goals man I thought he was just going to behead the Emperor on the balcony and let his head fall down into the crowd but now we have shipped it back indoors for a more personal oh happy I sight fairy galore ready Milan disarmed the villain and has a sword to his throat but turns to a haphazard Dragon to blast him with a firework sliced the man open Mulan be a man about it am I doing this right this man tore through the ceiling beams rafters and tiles to get to the roof but he can't tear his cloak to escape a goddamn fireworks convenient Lantern zipline is convenient you unlucky drug Oh eat my balls very well you can have his job what character faints after hearing something shocking cliche with all due respect your excellency I think I've been away from home long enough yeah cuz I wanted to show the world who I was on the inside a bright and brilliant strategist with courage and strength but now that I'm all the way here I think I want to go home and conform to societal expectation you know send a real positive message to the young women out there that it's okay to dream but once you get out in the world and it gets hard and scarier that it's just a better idea to stay at home and marry the first man that pays you any goddamn attention I brought you the sword of shun you and the crest of the Emperor trying to please your parents make sure you click that Bell icon but clicking the little bell icon is how you make sure you get notified every time we release a video so click why did you just throw cold coffee on me I volunteer as tribute why ten thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck in the morning I'm making waffles open the form of glorious combat battle is the great Redeemer look Tamar coming at first light on the fifth day [Music] my friends about now on

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 1,888,057

Rating: 4.7866607 out of 5

Keywords: wave jockey job, everything wrong with, cinemasins, cinema sins, eww, everything wrong with mulan, animated mulan, mulan, eww mulan, cinemasins mulan, disney mulan, disney, movie, review, movie review, animation, mulan movie, mushu, make a man out of you, mulan 1998, mulan review, disney animation, christina aguilera mulan, mulan reflection

Id: 89oqsPSfrYM

Length: 15min 2sec (902 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 26 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/ROBOT_B9]

I really like the new intro a lot. It's got a cool "movie theater marquee/grindhouse" vibe to it. Just one little suggestion: I think that the title card should be a little big bigger.

Also, it's ironic that Eddie Murphy went from playing a dragon to playing a character that married one in less than 5 years.

[u/Coug-Ra]

Matchmaker accidentally draws goatee on her own face.

“Five o clock foreshadowing.” ding