Everything Wrong With Kung Fu Panda 2 In 15 Minutes Or Less

I appreciate the movie eros Pacific DreamWorks logo but hue is dead does this mean the normal dreamworks fishing kid on the moon is also dead and a ghost long ago mary [ __ ] what had brought color and joy could also bring darkness and destruction this movie suggests gunpowder was invented in the pursuit of pure joy also huge important expositional back story told quickly via narration in flashbacks cliche what had brought color and joy could also bring darkness and destruction that's true but really only when the thing bringing color and joy is also made of explosives I'd be really impressed if you'd with an eyes today a ring bow or metal flowers he would be defeated by a warrior of black and white I'm guessing in Kung Fu Panda 3 PO will fulfill some other prophecy making him the Dexter fulfilling Chinese prophecies the young Lord set out to change his fate but what he did next only sealed it that's the lesson Shifu learned in the first movie in 2008 and what Oedipus learned in the 5th century BC this lesson is a very old storytelling device is what I'm saying horrific panda genocide is firmly implied but completely glossed over according to this story a crazy son who mastered the dark arts of gunpowder and killed all the pandas will simply turn around and leave when his happy fireworks joyjoy parents banished him nor is he hiding out Mount Doom if America still had a strong steel industry movies wouldn't be so quick to characterize factories as places of evil and then did you Ivan warrior join the Furious Five if PO joined the Furious Five what does that make them now the ridiculous 6 these movies are obsessed with the word awesome Plus 10 sins for never cracking open a thesaurus no one else is as impressed as I am with Poe's ability to speak with large quantities of food in his mouth you'll save those for me right I sure as hell hope so you shall basically all of them in his mouth does inner peace also give you the ability to alter the properties of space and time if not then what kung fu power is allowing him to operate from one location to another some choose to meditate for 50 years in a cave just like this without the slightest taste of food or one those are the masters who died both the day you were chosen as Dragon Warrior was the worst day of my life Shifu really knows how to cut deep when we think of all the things that happened to Shifu his adopted son that he trained to be the Dragon Warrior wasn't the Dragon Warrior and he went crazy and tried to kill everyone and then he came back and tried to kill him also his master being carried away by peach tree leaves and so on saying this is pretty low bandits approaching musicians village a whole village of musicians those bandits are cos still much more than empty pizza boxes and some rolling papers cranes ability to fly even when he is carrying an inconceivable amount of weight is soaping impressive I have trouble believing it is this rabbit warning every one of the attackers before they arrived was he able to see them through the dense fog and what I can only imagine is a Peter Pan style flying pirate ship if not the timing of all this seems off I hope this is the same rabbit from the first scene of the last movie that was high as because he looks a heck of a lot better here but it still looks eyes get all the metal you kid fine who's he talking to he's definitely not within earshot of any of us hyena bandit friends and did they not already know what the plan was before conducting this mission I feel like this guy slash dog just like to hear himself talk rob the metal is there anyone in their group confused about what they're trying to accomplish why did they keep repeating what they should all know they're here to do good work Poe warn them that you're coming you're doing a lot of standing around for a group of dogs that just need some metal to finish their fleet of cannons Shen would be pissed if he found out they were hanging around picking fights when they could easily head back with the metal the one image opens up a cavalcade of very traumatic memories cliche also posed flashback is still inexplicably two-dimensional so earlier when he said get all the metal you can find he forgot to also say so we can throw most of it off this cliff thank you for coming to Dragon Gorion noodles and tofu stage parents he once waited on awesome yeah I have this game to prove it wasn't this the dick paid from the last movie that made fun of Poe now he's a smug dick Pig well you see son baby Keys come from a little egg his ping really trying to tell PO he was a goose besides him being obviously a panda all the other animals have referred to him as Panda countless times deny almost run deep for ping you might have been kind of adopt listen up adoptive parents waiting this long to tell your child they're adopted is not cool then again we also need to send PO for somehow believing he could look like he does and be called panda but still be descended from skinny Birds pings flashbacks are not to dementia so this problem is clearly isolated to Pope also adoption backstory no one cares about Oh is the only mammal who was raised without the need for milk no wonder he's the dragon warrior this is the only time in recorded history a conspicuous trail of food has not ended at a box propped up on a stick why is he just lately chewing on that dumpling instead of eating it whole like the other ones he just had maybes full but PO is never full never being full must be a skill he learns later in life feeding and bathing a creature in the same container who tried to put some pants on those aren't even goose pants that's just a small blanket but his pings plan here maybe he's just telling PO about the pants but remembering a time when he tried to wipe his ass and then I made a decision that would change my life forever to make my soup without radishes I don't think that was a decision as much as it was poet all the radishes but if he was being truthful we wouldn't have this forced unapologetic misdirection one dumpling please Dragon Warrior sighs I just have so many questions why didn't I like pants because ping didn't know the difference between pants and small blankets did Lord Shen just use the force gently waving your wing in someone's general direction doesn't seem very comfy to me maybe the guards are those easily startled narcoleptic goats yes did you see the peacock on the front door I guess you can get away with a statement when there is only one living peacock in this universe it seems your fortune-telling skills are not as good as you thought ah the villain with an upper-class English accent cliche arguably the best of all accent cliches it's no southern accent equals stupid but it's up there did this Rhino carve those patterns onto his horn or is that just how they're built in this world I want to believe he carved it himself because that is hard core shell off speaking of show-offs he would have been able to use this cannon a lot sooner if he didn't bother to have it carved in the shape of a dragon for a flightless bird Chan is frightfully Flavel an additional sin for making me accidentally make up a word and coming up with a tongue twister some situations require a little less kung-fu and a little more getting out of the way son of legendary flying right now did anyone else just imagine a rhino with wings flying through the air dipping in and out of the clouds having the time of his life cuz I sure did I mean how can kung fu stop something that stops kung fu' movie unintentionally tries to break your brain how did ping know to pack him a travel pack did he know they were going to fight Shen before they did are all the bird species secretly evil and subservient to Lord Shen and Kung Fu Panda 3 is going to be interesting also pose dad vastly underestimates how much PO eats somehow and that's me giving you a piggyback ride this is a painting did PO have to sit on pings back causing him excruciating well someone painted this don't worry mr. ping he'll be back before you can say noodles that is decidedly false he'd probably would be less tired if he wasn't carrying that travel pack no one else has a trouble back boob all the animators in this film got too artsy again what is it about kung fu that makes you no longer need mattresses or pillows they should call it chiropractic Phu PO hasn't eaten all these potatoes yet where did this boat come from this is the first time they're actually using some mode of transportation instead of just leaping incredible distances they probably had the boat all along and monkey remember that they had the boat and said remember how we're always just jumping everywhere why don't we use that boat that we have on the outskirts of town and everyone else was like oh yeah that boat we don't see this because Jackie Chan isn't allowed to talk in this movie either how did he only wake up tigress the rest of the five are pretty heavy sleepers I used to punch the Ironwood trees by the Palast train now I feel nothing which would also explain why she has such giant hands oh why are you really out here besides the fact that he's definitely the Dragon Warrior and it's his job you mean your dad the goose that must have been quite a shock humbled me too the jerk joke for the first movie but it bears repeating not omae's the Mantis has made it this long without getting squashed if I felt something walk all over me like that I would involuntary swat at it even if it was one of my friends Oh having daddy issues what is it with the characters in this movie being arbitrarily and unnecessarily cruel I get the symbolism here and how this is a slap in the face to his father and all but now he has nowhere to sit he should have at least brought his own throne and they replaced the chair with the cannon not only does Shin no longer have a place to sit be as a giant cannon in his throne room that he will eventually have to move again cuz that's a cannon and it does no good just sitting in the middle of a room thirty years I've waited for this moment according to the Internet peacocks only live for about 15 years but if he's partially made of metal I'm willing hey this movie is making me learn again damn you Kung Fu Panda - you're just saying what's happening right now he's not talking to me is he a peacock is defeated by a warrior of black and white did no one during the development of this movie tell them what en and yang actually mean it's about how opposite or contrary forces are actually complementary which doesn't seem to have anything to do with the Panda defeating a peacock in battle it was just a recognizable Chinese symbol that they just threw in Bart panda even now that he's a kung-fu master he still has some major issues with self control even PO causing all this commotion the Wolves still didn't notice the pose walking around the city streets obvious pac-man reference is obvious and not enough to save this movie they are surrounded by wolves yet they are still able to get out from under the costume and into the barrels with anyone seeing them maybe they've all mastered that operating skill that Shifu showed off earlier in this movie they gave the Wolves no time to get away there's no way they could have been far enough away from them to not hear them get up start walking and po gets stuck and fall down making even more noise also there was a conveniently sized bucket for mantis look young man jail and they conveniently happened upon the jail they were looking for I'll give you a signal okay you mean like crane does yeah excuse me when have I ever made that noise I hate it when the characters in the movie in the movie makes me feel so unnecessary then the weapon would kill everyone movie Burroughs mysterious super weapon of death from all the movies kung fu is dead hey hey my my kungfu can never die monkey monkey continuing to be pointless he is like the ringo star of the Furious Five how are the Furious Five a group that frequently runs and leaps impossibly not able to quickly catch up with this rickshaw driven by a short legged goat those rata children not scared out of their minds flying up to the street on a strange panda which to them is an animal they've never seen before did their parents not teach them about stranger danger movie steals the mind car scene from Indiana Jones and the deathly hallows I mean Harry Potter and the Temple of Doom I mean even what I mean it feels like I'm fighting a big old fluffy cloud okay it's official this guy totally has a panda fetish these animals have very little regard for King's Landing eight-point acupressure cuffs just like I want you to hide long a blink and you'll miss a call back to the previous film sin of why bother with this 40 minutes in bad guy is practicing his meet the captured good guy greeting as though he's a good guy when he's actually a bad guy whose soldiers captured the good guy guy did they set up a memorial for the guy that they very intentionally killed I mean that's nice but kind of odd to see mournful for someone they murdered the cannon that was so heavy the two giant gorillas didn't want to move it two inches to the left flies up into the air with little effort after Tigris jumps on the front of it and then mattis who is light as a sheet of paper is able to kick it through the floor with vigor okay the Sun symbol and the pattern on Chen's feathers looked kind of the same but this seems a lot harder than just using all of Shin to match up with his flashback cuz he was actually there since peacocks are mostly flightless birds I can only assume that he isn't actually flying he's falling with style how many freaking stories is this pagoda I guess ropeburn doesn't affect pandas why going how can he see where they are aren't they on the backside of a building that he is pretty far away from because it's the middle of the year so you'd only get like a half of the year of the peacock characters from within the movie are continuing to sin from the inside they all know Poe and the Furious Five er stole why so why are they calling all the wolves leading our heroes to roam the city freely that makes no sense why is mantis suddenly so much bigger is this some sort of prospective thing that wasn't animated well where did mantis accidentally drinks some drink me liquid from Alice in Wonderland they will keep you far from danger you're not keeping anyone from anything they have locked themselves in a jail cell even though he's the Dragon Warrior the five-digit because they didn't see the first movie apparently when old China is my reward but now you won't know where he is because he just destroyed his map she said the safe free she's no use to me it feels weird dissing this cuz it almost sounds like a request but shouldn't he just kill her this peacock loves murder I can't feel my face but I love it hey why even fake say hey that was a real gamble for PO to almost make himself known when none of that interaction was necessary in the first place I'm glad he's doing all this rolling cuz if he wasn't he would just be walking which would be about the same and probably take less time why does PO keep ending up with a walk on his head they're doing it at a frequency that makes it seem significant but all it has accomplished is additional silliness sudden cannon hits Po and I'm instantly reminded of Homer Simpson's stint with the travelling concert and the cannon gag and I'm instantly no longer worried about PO just like Yoda in the prequels Master Shifu is relegated to reaction shots of him feeling something wrong with the force I mean come foo in general did po just go from experiencing his memories in first person to third person i foretold that someone would stand in his way a panda PO is basically Harry Potter first of all posed panadol survives the fire second of all would a panda really have a stuffed animal of a panda if I grew up with a stuffed doll of a white dude I'd probably have trouble sleeping at night po finally remembers long buried memories because the plot needs him to pose version of inner peace is remembering how his parents died that's stopped I guess inner peace is what allows your flashbacks to look like reality instead of two-dimensional drawings mom panda puts PO on a vegetable cart so he can be saved even if she cannot and hello I sense some serious Moses overtones here someone very dedicated to his job found this box of vegetables amongst a war zone filled with corpses and still made the delivery to the noodle shop now that's a hero movie uses over a full minute of the previous movies footage in an emotional montage party foul I am po and I'm gonna need a hat he means a walk everyone seems to be living their lives pretty normally and are surprised when they see this weapon float by did none of these animals see or hear the tallest building in their city fall to the ground that happened hours ago and everyone seems pretty blasé about it I always thought I'd meet a nice girl and settle down and she'd eat my head n c---seventeen dialogue somehow makes it into a kids movie just to be clear Shen didn't really weaponize fireworks so much as he just decided to point them at people and things Paul okay it's bad enough all these good guys notice this really distant PO but then to say it out loud for shendi here are you looking hi tigress Jesus ever hear a stealth Shen probably should have designed a weapon that would be a little easier to maneuver the general rule the thwart all of Chen's weapons is don't be directly in front of it and if you are moved slightly Master Shifu ex machina in a piece how convenient that this is the lesson he just learned the cannon ball looks like the center of a plasma globe and that's why gunpowder was outlawed forever wait what scar is heal no they don't wounds heal okay if the characters in the movie can hear me please stop sending each other I'm going to run out of things to say were those shins I won the battle fireworks that just happen to go off anyway I did this community have fireworks planned for when the battle was over it's good that they want under the fireworks would have been super inappropriate what do you mean he's not here I remember this woman I used to have interactions with her when I worked retail she hasn't changed a bit looks and sounds just the same my son is alive how did he find that out sitting in the hut maybe he was looking at his iPad and got a CNN news alert dragon word defeats evil Lord Chen storming ox announces on Twitter the entire panda colony decided to look up at Poe's biological father at the same time with no provocation who cares this is all just a setup to complete the trilogy because they knew the sequel was going to make Bank you hush now my baby don't Jack Jack there's a boat are using Vanessa's defense against MEAC I thought it fitting considering the rocky tre what's in the box Shen you want to see ah what's in a bar hole in the wall all of them who you choose to be who are you Panda

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 5,912,082

Keywords: eww, kung fu panda 2, wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins, review, everything wrong with, movie review

Id: c-S9yq3scHw

Length: 15min 38sec (938 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 28 2016