Everything Wrong With Kung Fu Panda In 15 Minutes Or Less

legend tells of a legendary warrior narration also whose kung fu skills were the stuff of legend legend legend legendary legend legend pure awesomeness sin will be representative of all the films instances of overly enthusiastic slang in lieu of jokes it's the DreamWorks way how to poke it down from that high up so quickly he's either master teleportation in his fantasy or this is later all his former foes are gone it's just raining cats and dogs have been so feared and so loved pandas of the past have set a pretty low bar for both of those pandas mostly just lay around eat bamboo and don't have sex the Furious Five seem rather nonchalant about being on fire the Furious Five I wonder how much DreamWorks had to pay Neal Moritz to call him that we should hang out why is monkey the only one who wants to hang out with it even his own fantasy also this is one of the seven brief times Jackie Chan has monkey gets to speak yr pose dream slash fantasies two-dimensional is that small cup his bed lurked Pan dicing po was able to fall down the stairs without cutting it out of his hand with the ninja star he's older how is Bo's father a duck I mean I'm all for adoption or animal based movies but in early China a duck adopting a panda I just don't see it po falls down the stairs gets up and picks up the radishes with both hands yet a ninja star ends up in these noodles it's possible that ping News's ninja stars as a garnish but that doesn't explain the we're about so the one po was previously holding I don't know a lot about cooking noodles or owning a noodle restaurant is the only qualification having a dream about noodles specifically the noodle dream I didn't have a dream about making fun of movies for a living oh wait yeah I did how are those rabbits not super pissed that PO and his dad are just chit-chatting and not serving them soup I hope that was a challenging special order for that pig if not I don't understand how this is the most popular noodle shop in the Valley of Peace took that pig forever to get his noodles this will all be different if they had yep didn't you ever know want to do something else something besides noodles it's the hero has dreamed beyond what his family wants cliche even though being a fourth generation restaurateur sounds like a pretty nice gig I thought about running away and learning how to make tofu so why didn't you oh because it was a stupid dream po is not telling his father that this is not only something he could still accomplish but also a smart business decision to expand his menu Nick tofu will be thoroughly eviscerates tofu also why do some of the noodle soup patrons get table service while the others pick up at the counter and does he really need to know the tables I feel like he could just pass out noodles to whoever doesn't have noodles - numerosity monkey greater speed crane hi out of all curt one-word feedback sessions the most shameful is crane needing more height he's actually a flying bird who doesn't need kung fu to do what birds naturally do hilarity aside shouldn't Master Oogway possess some kind of wind altering power that would allow him to blow out all the candles with a simple tool to the staff or does he need to attend the Lord Blackwood School of extinguishment also holy Jesus it must have taken him forever to light those candles I bet DreamWorks is working on a prequel we're way is lighting candles and Poe is trying to stick ninja stars in his bedroom wall for an hour and a half Master Shifu attended the Lord Blackwood School of extinguishment and didn't invite anyone else so do all the creatures of this universe have low resolution memories or is it just Shifu and Po Tai Lung will return that is impossible is in prison well it would be impossible if he was dead this movie teaching children the lesson that it's better to execute your enemies instead instead of magic staff does this turtle use magic why not use magic instead of kung fu doodles all of them selling noodles po does not know the difference between wanting a different job and actively trying to put his family out of business where does he think the money for his ninja stars comes from the valley of peace exclusively consists of pigs geese and rabbits this is just another prime example of Hollywood Pig geese rabbit washing so did the Furious Five get dropped out of a helicopter or do they all have the ability to jump 400 feet into the air why the hell is there a lone small hole awkwardly placed in the top right corner of this wall maybe they were training one day and someone said man it's hot could someone open a small hole in the wall and someone else responded there isn't one we should have one install a thousand tons of fire I was disappointed to find out there is not an adult movie called this also there are very clearly 43 missiles in that thing but I guess 43 tongues of fire didn't have as good a ring to it every time I see them all together I think to myself there are four of them why are they called the Furious Five oh wait I didn't see the Mantis that's racist surviving the 400 foot fall should be further evidence to Shifu and the five that he is in fact the Dragon Warrior the universe has taught us that Dragon Warrior choosing the Dragon Warrior is an incredibly vague process the oldest dude just points randomly and whatever is in front of his finger is the winner there are no accidents not believing in accidents escape from prison dialogue that would not need to be spoken if it were ultimately true 1000 guards and one prisoner all subsidized by Valley of Peace tax dollars ridiculous what must the taxes be like for these citizens behold Thai zone between letting a random messenger in to see the world's most guarded prisoner and the haphazard way they chose Dragon Warrior I'm concerned about this ancient Chinese animal society's looseness with safety and protocol they made me Google does China have rhinos I'm not watching Kung Fu Panda to learn people flying the sword of Heroes the invisible dragon just me it's almost like pose a weird this is a movie and he needs to explain everything he is seeing so we can know why he's freaking out otherwise he's just talking to himself you will never be the Dragon Warrior until you have learned the secret of the dragon scroll so um how does this work do you have a ladder trampoline or perhaps a chair and some fireworks or maybe one of the Furious Five could just jump up there and get it pose panda tooth looks suspiciously like a human tooth Poe didn't die after falling into the kung fu training area slash deathtrap granted that would make for a pretty short and dark kids cartoon so is this duck there slave just ask him oh you even see his toes this is two of the seven times Jackie Chan gets to speak do P protagonists here's the cool kids talking bad about him behind his back cliche also why is PO hiding out behind rocks along an obscure walkway in the middle of the night so it is trying to use these kind of paper screens the same way Japan does Kung Fu Panda stop trying to make me learn who may not have any kung-fu skills at this point but his talking with a mouthful of peaches skills are on point quit don't quit no told don't noodles don't noodles what everyone maybe interpreting a suit weighs wisdom is really just ways Alzheimer's I can only assume that Tai lungs back muscles are filled with compressed air because if not there's no way to explain these rods flying out of back with this high velocity for such a high quality prison run by rhinos they really didn't think through the restraining process even though this prison is completely dedicated to Tai Lung it's clear that he can escape if he just has any piece of anything I guess I can excuse the tiger with super strength that can lift two-ton boulders on either side of him without having his arms ripped off but what I still can't excuse is this prison feeling that this was a better solution than just bolting the chains down to the pillar he was standing on this takes the henchmen are terrible shots cliche to a whole new level they have giant crossbow Zhan mounts and he is still relatively restrained so this was pure luck for Tai Lung which brings up the question what was his plan if this didn't happen was he just gonna pull those giant heavy rocks up and hope for the best Rhino Clarke Duncan also Rhino nipple this escape is brought to you by cartoon physics allowing Bugs Bunny to thwart otherwise khals since 1938 this guard isn't acknowledging that he has already gotten pretty far even dealing with this very implausible escape how exactly did Tai Lung make it out of that fall I guess the animators got too lazy to animate him out of that last predicament so they just ignored it all together rhino helm screen didn't place any of those 1000 guards around the perimeter huh and the dynamite would have gone off by now did Thailand disintegrate him why are we just seeing this copper horn shield that has no obvious purpose drop to the ground fly back there and tell them the real Dragon Warrior is coming home this makes for a cool movie moment of evilness I guess but in no way does this make any military sense for the villain to do this this is a thousand times worse than monologuing sending advanced word to the enemy slash good guys that you're coming cocky is one thing stupid is another is the animal that comes out of the room first get some sort of prize this extreme urgency would otherwise be pointless so I guess sheep who's planning is have the Furious Five beat the [ __ ] out of him until he decides to go home I thought this with a family movie cartoon or not Poe is dead but he will another reminder that Jackie Chan got paid handsomely to save five sentence fragments and two complete sentences that will come later but if I didn't know any better I'd say he was trying to get rid of me what gave it away was at the moment where he literally kicked you out of the Jade Palace Shifu found him well not so much found as was given anonymously this is ancient Chinese society that is of animals and that also has magic have stigma against unwed mothers too and he raised him as his son father-son dynamic and wholly unoriginal dynamic - the hero / villain dynamic in this movie dynamic but Oogway saw darkness in his heart and refused more Yoda Anakin ripoff this is what I'm talking about with the magic why does make the proto J's go through literal kungfu gauntlets when there is obviously magic that can be taught are we sure this turtle is on the up-and-up and he's stuck with you a big fat Panda everyone keeps picking on PO for being fat but pandas are fat there's nothing to be done about it no one gives the snake and he for not having arms there are no accidents not believing in accidents someone needs to tell Shifu that not every moment requires kung foo my time has come you must continue your journey without me Liu Bei heard that Tai Lung was coming and he accidentally picked a fat Panda to beat the Dragon Warrior so he is getting the [ __ ] out of Dodge this is the most useless magic turtle I've ever seen what is his MO did he drop off evil Tai Lung at the martial arts center to prove a point about fate or something tigress you've got to try these three cheers for Jackie Chan's fourth line you awesome movie you can totally see that what need to ask what before slurping movie rips off the doing and impression of the cranky person when the cranky person walks in on you thing from all the movies let us stop Tai Lung this is what you've trained us for naught he'd train them to defeat he who has already been defeated and subsequently imprisoned it's convenient that he broke out or all of their training would have been a waste of time Shifu apparently doesn't notice the 5 are missing for a long time while he trains Po the pool of sacred tears funny enough the pool of sacred tears was the name of my band in eighth grade when you had been trained you may eat so basically she flew his training PO the same way I trained my dog to sit stay and roll over the inevitable training montage we all knew was coming imagine Jack Black in a booth recording come few sounds for the scene I highly doubt that PO would be motivated by a bowl of steamed carrots and lettuce how did they get that soup up there and how is that not burned the crowd of his hands and head and you have been trained you are free to eat Wow years of Kung Fu training mastered in a business week he must really be the Dragon Warrior kung fu dumpling hockey Wow the kung fu version of the shell game is being unfair as hell I'm not hungry Shifu shouldn't be hungry either he ate all the dumplings which raises the question why is she foo viewing this as PO being successful he only got one of the eleven dumplings this is a kung fu where he can quantifiably see who the winner is man prison is really far away dude home so that is his name PO monkey pulls the airport police chief dick move of naming the warrior to the villain from die hard to I don't see why it's such a big deal that tigress falls she can just do a flip right before she to the ground and she'll be fine I know we have taken some pretty serious liberties with physics in the movie but mantas holding the rope bridge with all his friends on it seems far-fetched even for the universe filled with kung fu fighting animals I love how the five are renowned for their greatness but due to the movies overhyping of the Dragon Warrior four of the five can't take out a bad guy together which is some both Bruce Lee was a badass but against four other badasses he'd have lost dog that should have killed him right is he dead I'm willing to suspend disbelief for animal kung fu scenes that involve a mantis holding up a giant rope bridge filled with tigers and leopards but smacking into the rocks like that it's gotta bust up a skull never mind why is the nerve attack accompanied with a Pink Floyd laser show on the recipients body also even though it is a very quick and powerful way to stop your opponent this is the first time we've seen Tai Lung use it even after fighting the Furious Five just now on all the guards and the true oricon prison also why not just kill them you have done well panda so well in fact that I have not only not worried about the missing five warriors but I haven't even noticed they are gone the mark of a true hero is humility yeah tell that to Cam Newton yep he paralyzed four of the five and left the flying woman to return them home but somehow also allowed all that to happen before his own arrival paralyzed these four and then what wait in the bushes for a while watch Netflix the [ __ ] did this guy wait around so long for and if you tell me it's so the five would all make it home in time to make the Battle of challenge I'll tell you he's the worst bad guy ever he doesn't want to win he wants to lose but only when facing everyone fast sorry Pope for those of you keeping score at home that's five lines for mr. Chan white is undoing the nerve attack look like Shifu was a chiropractor for viper and tigress but for mantis and monkey it looks like he's unlocking an iPhone so kung fu is flower petal magic invented by a turtle got it no one seems the slightest bit concern that cranes neck is visibly broken Cogley to one that's funny mama maybe they realized they didn't give Jackie Chan enough to say is this movie went on so they wrote in some complete sentences form even though what he said still contributes nothing to the storm how the actual did he manage to do this we will continue to ignore the no thumbs rule that has been violated numerous times in this movie but I can't ignore that as arm slash wings don't even reach to pose sides maybe paying is also a kung-fu master who was able to manipulate objects with his mind to make something special you just have to believe it's special ah the old there's actually nothing special about blank you just have to believe in yourself cliche what when Google said otherwise what did you do this flashback a Bouygues saying no it's different from the other flashback a Moog way saying no the new way tell Shifu and Tai Lung that he couldn't have the Dragon scroll two separate times or was tigress just completely making up that previous flashback in her own mind there's a terrible draft at the Hall of warriors someone should show the window so those peak tree petals stop coming in no one from Shifu to PO bothers to tell this dude the pink scroll is blank I mean what happens if PO stops the fight right here just gives the scroll to tile up he reads it finds it blank and then what he's still gonna kill everyone Amy even has an existential crisis and goes into a trance my point is fighting the stood over a worthless scroll is pointless I think PO is the Dragon Warrior because he's a boneless gelatinous blob that cannot feel pain maybe the reason Shifu came so close to being defeated just now is he didn't fight silly enough holy that building was brittle the goose pig a rabbit that conducted the building inspection clearly didn't check the load-bearing studs matrix panned illusions PO basically jar jar's himself through this entire movie so the Panda makes a crater but Tai Lung makes a wily coyote hole when he hits the ground this will be switches between real physics and cartoon physics so many times it's dizzying pickle a yo music playing right now sounds like look away look away look away Dixieland and now you will hear that forever you're welcome go get something to eat so now the PO is officially the Dragon Warrior he and Shifu have the same relationship as college roommates what you want me to teach you something you wouldn't learn something all right here's a useful lesson for you give up just quit do I'll do not there is no try carnage nothing you were not meant to be the Dragon Warrior the chosen one

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 9,212,931

Rating: 4.7916222 out of 5

Keywords: movie review, review, cinema sins, kung fu panda review, everything wrong with, everything wrong with kung fu panda, kung fu panda, eww, wave jockey job, cinemasins

Id: oqvFxgInOl0

Length: 15min 53sec (953 seconds)

Published: Tue Jan 26 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/ROBOT_B9]

Wait, Jackie Chan was Monkey?

[u/wendigobro]

That Cam Newton joke, though.

[u/TLhikan]

If you think this one is fast and loose with physics, wait for the sequel^{KungFuPanda2isamazingthough}

[u/terretsforever]

The alzheimer's joke cracked me the fuck up.

[u/Castriff]

Thursday's video will probably be the sequel! I am pleased by this.

[u/Rhyfel]

A missing outtake 19:34 - 19:50.

[u/HintHunter]

no points off for panda sitting on tiger stairs scene, aww man you too harsh

[u/UKCDot]

For the sin about Tai Lung's chains to the boulders, I thought he'd be able to pull and break them if chained to the stone pillar he's on. Plus I thought you would've removed a sin for the escape.

Good video still, could've put M.C. Duncan's line about Ricky Bobby in the outtakes though.

[u/Mein_Captian]

Master Shifu means Master Master, which always bugged me.