Everything Wrong With Kong: Skull Island

preacher pick interdict specifics about the South Pacific 60 millionth movie about King Kong decides to work in Icarus too because this new monster verse is fast [ __ ] the plane crashed 4 seconds before this [ __ ] landed right beside the wreckage young Hank displays his incredible stormtrooper aim even though he could literally walk right up to the other currently unarmed pilot and shoot him point-blank propaganda raishin mark my words they'll never be a more screwed up time in Washington har-har but this attempt at a cheap laugh could literally be put into any political era and everyone would knowingly chuckle hence the cheap part hang on they've been sitting in gridlock in this cab for who knows how long but they've been right in front of their destination maybe now's not the best time ask monarch is on the cusp of being shut down Brooke this walk and talk reminds me that this is a conversation they should have had much earlier than now many civilizations spoke Overton legends Skull Island roll credits a land where God did not finish creation as you can see from the pictures it's a ceaseless void where time and space did not exist you can also see some of God's power tools strewn about it's notoriously the number of ships and planes that have gone missing there just out of curiosity of a landmass has this most of the reputation why is it just now being discovered lands that is sending a mission to the island we could piggyback on that operation there's some other government organization already going to the island to explore the why the hell would the senator even need monarch to tag along I don't believe I'm saying this but that almost makes sense senator would almost be amazing at cinemasins [Music] it's said that there are no songs from the Vietnam era that don't sound like a song from the Vietnam era cliche movies anymore in case you confused it with the donating Air Force Base in Des Moines Iowa this scene is sponsored by cases and cases and a few bottles of Budweiser and so was this samuel l.jackson introduction i know you just left your office but we thought it would be more cinematically pleasing for you to take this call in a phone booth in the ring looks like this movie spent habbits budget on rain machines and made sure key scenes took place with them involved so we couldn't hear the dialogue also considering the amount of expediting they do right before arriving places I assume these guys travel in total silence until they're less than hundred feet away from their destination as if on cue James gets into a fight to show off his survival skills right in front of guys who were going to hire him for that very thing for chat irony in case you confused it for Bangkok main you're not actually gonna blame the people without guns for losing the war are you here's one of the main problems with this [ __ ] movie seems like everyone has a manufactured conflict or bond after the first time they meet or our show and then it doesn't pay off in any way as our satellites show the island is surrounded by a perpetual storm system allowing it to remain hidden from the outside world it's a lot like that TV show lost anyone remember lost here well you will an accompanied by biologist Miss Ann biologist is conveniently hot so that I'll keep watching this oh that's the same chick from the great wall and holy this movie made about the same amount of money in China that movie did anyway this movie's blatant attempt to placate a Chinese audience is totally wasted in this movie she has a couple lines and nothing dude will use explosives to shake the earth and create vibrations helping us to map the subsurface of the island the way Brooks is presenting this plan sounds ludicrous enough that someone should ask him why the [ __ ] you would use explosives to map the island but the real bolt is even both considering random Brooks agree that this is the best strategy to find some prehistoric wildlife rather than you know exploring the island without [ __ ] bombing once on the island the storms interference a black hole radio contact with the ship truthfully I'm just excited to be playing another role besides the motion capture rape this time you distract me as a blue OVA tog refer anti-war photographer man they'll let anyone on this [ __ ] mission why they she put a known anti-war photographer be invited to shoot a government-funded military assisted exploration but as field supervisor of the controlling agency I say we abort that's it we're gonna abort this [ __ ] wants to abort the entire mission that they plan so intricately just because the storm looks old worse than they thought it would there is no way I'm getting on that helicopter by the movies even bother with this [ __ ] anymore luckily a Mason wander store the helicopter that's meant for hot people only as usual remember also that's the truth Ruth and I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger and I'm here to talk to you about the Avengers initiative gauges levers soldiers excitement if this is truly the land where God did not finish creation why the hell did they have regular ass seagulls on this island everything else seems to be deadly except for these regular ass seagulls I don't care how many loudspeakers you rigged up to this chopper there's no way anyone's hearing that over all these rotors goddamn these stupid [ __ ] bombs and they're unopposed use in this [ __ ] movie hey we just found the one island that's been uncharted throughout all of civilization now let's immediately bomb the [ __ ] out of it Cole's not excited about the bombs going off he's just happy that the director chose him for the obligatory destruction reflecting off sunglasses shot the pilot who has basically one job somehow fails to see this tree flying in slow motion towards them and does nothing to evade it would it have killed you to show the guy falling into Kong's mouth there was that too gruesome considering later you have a graphic shot of a guy getting impaled by a spider leg helicopters most of which contain civilians who are now just seeing the large and dangerous prehistoric ape continue to fly right at the large and dangerous prehistoric ape and a monkey the twist is it's actually you several people survive this the guy yelling did not go to the Prometheus school running away from things but his partner guess where he went so is it a sunset or not because most of the shots are in full light and some are lit like this also why would the Sun be shining at all the island is surrounded by a perpetual storm that no one can penetrate so it should be cloudy every goddamn day movies are art so did Kong slam this helicopter to explode in a fashion by which the flames would create the symmetrical stare down between Packard and Kong probably not it's just a visual expressing itself in a manner pleasing to our eyes and brains but I'm sending it anyway because I'm a dick who takes things literally and Packard should be dead Conrad's arrived this helicopter crash so easily that he's been cast in the next Suicide Squad movie I don't know what that was either um well it's not too hard to tell right it's a giant gorilla yeah yeah I've seen something like that before but I mean that's what you think it is right really not gonna talk about it you know this is not normal right stuff like that doesn't just happen I don't have much to say about Captain Obvious here so I'm just gonna insert something into this video real quick oh yeah that's the stuff cold what's wrong with you how do you even right now I'm going to guess in the script that Jason Mitchell's character was not called Mills but guy who's always comically yelling at character as of yet undefined and the dialogue was written in coffee stains we just got taken down Bob monkey the size of a build and apparently he just pieced the [ __ ] out afterwards even though you guys are being incredibly loud and that's what he apparently got pissed off about the first place you I'm going to tell me everything I don't know I'm going to blow your head off monsters exist no if I were to find one example to sum up this movie screenplay it's this exchange one of a thousand young men on that ship I was the only survivor careful bill I'm here Elijah price is looking for a guy like that my agency is known as monarch we specialized in the hunt for massive unidentified terrestrial organisms exactly did monarch find that kept the US government funding it for 30 years if Randa is a crackpot then there never was any real proof of monsters and the government decided to keep throwing money at this for no reason they were giving out wings yeah this clear the mouths of lion and the thorn you do know that story is about a mouse becoming friends with a lion after taking the thorn out of his pocket right it wasn't that mouse kills a lion with the thorn giant spiders somehow went unnoticed until now even though he's got giant bamboo like legs as soon as this guy dies we hear nothing but and it's this giant spider materialized out of nothing before he started stomping on everybody do they need to kill this thing just run all these giant dangerous prehistoric creatures appear exactly once a piece in this movie 62 percent of this movie is comprised of Samuel Jackson's patented vengeance eyes Nils head is completely clean here despite just being good right the face by the giant death bug a few seconds ago yeah but why this native give the position away just by opening their eyes it completely negates the surprise element and considering they live with Marlo who has a gun they should know that people with guns have an advantage what's this [ __ ] doing while all the natives were about to attack was he off peeing somewhere when all this started you don't want to be out here at night why the hell not the only time we don't see a surprise attack in this movie is at night that wall is that supposed to keep out that thing well it did a great job until they discover the town today we're digging tunnels underneath it and I was trying to send two movies at once there and that's what happens you get two completely different movies mixed up sometimes Tom Hilson is desperately trying to hide his I just did this bull for a large paycheck but I'm still a respected British actor face here where they tell it for thousands of years the people on this island lived in fear man it sure is lucky that the natives took in Hank and he survived all these years so the twenty nine years later these people could understand the world of Kong better and one the damnedest thing happened some of the things they were afraid of started protecting them against the things that were eating them why nobody knows seems like a creature like Kong wouldn't care one whit about a bunch of humans getting slayed by giant monsters but I guess it's also he could be the good guy wasn't Kong the one who killed your friend no one of them did but you'll have to wait until you're in perfect position to view this 3d art before you can tell who one of them is they come from the vents that's why conga so mad those bombs woke up a bunch of all seems like the natives along with her buddy Kong could have built walls around the vets so that they could contain them ever even sealed the vents also is this an unusual occurrence for them to wake up if there are such constant threats that the natives built a wall and they killed Hanks friend then waking them up as a forgivable mistake unless they hibernate for a bunch of years or something and they woke up early you can have what Moses he gets to him when they're still small awesome fight sequences hijacked by unnecessary narration you don't want to wake up the big one why isn't he awake now apparently these bombs wake up all the lesser giant creatures but this guy can sleep through it all because he's wearing noise-canceling headphones during his now I was the last of his kind but he's still growing of course he is because how else would he eventually match up with the much larger Godzilla in the next installation of this universe but still make this movie somewhat believable gunpei spent six years of our lives building this thing I really would have loved to have seen more Hank and gun pick because their adventure contains the most entry how an American pilot and a Japanese pilot became friends after being enemies become friendly with the natives learning how to survive on an island full of monsters and gun pays death at the hands of the skull crawlers it's way more interesting than everything we've seen so far while the guys get to work on fixing the boat mason unhelpfully tours the village and takes pictures and I guess sands taking a nap or something but since that's what this movie thinks of women's roles in case you're wondering yes this is the second picture taking montage featuring a cheesing Bree Larson in this movie sometimes an enemy doesn't exist do you looking for this dialogue is so stupidly pedantic that I'm starting to think the script was written by Yogi Berra so they've got 48 hours to make it to the North Shore how long could they have been there then right before they went out to the boat conrad said as a refueling team coming to the north end of the island in three days but now they're down to 48 hours this log creature waited a full minute to wake up while Jack sat down on him this guy survived way too long for this to be the end of him I mean in reality it makes sense that something on the island would randomly kill him like this but we've been following this dude trying to make his way back and three different scenes like he was gonna be a major puzzle piece in the plot but nope it just feels like they were trying to give Toby Kebbell more face time other than his workers call I really hope that thing could call them both can get us upriver in 36 hours q movie even if you're saying 12 hours have passed since they were repairing the boat they wasted 12 hours Libby casually introduces an Aurora Borealis on the island with no sense of wonder whatsoever nice dangerous places are always there nice beautiful I could keep sending this terrible dialogue line by line but I don't want subject to you lovely people to listening to it so I'll just add 10 extra sins to cover the rest of the movie they just got this in weird boat made of airplane parts to work and yet the natives instinctively knew to come down here and say goodbye to Hank and here's another story swept to the side Packard is a sort of Captain Ahab in this story but all he's allowed to do for the most part is look real angry while his men walk through the jungle basically unharmed except one scene involving giant spiders also a few minutes ago Marlow was freaking out about not being out at night but these guys were out in the great wide open with a fully viewable campfire Jesus the creatures on this island have a terrific sense of cinematic pacing pterodactyls wait until everyone is happy to start attacking huh well that could been worse I guess also I don't know whether sin or praise the movie for the most random death in movie history I'm more annoyed with how the Sun is always shown in that Apocalypse Now position on the horizon during dramatic shots but if we reach that position and he's not there we don't send out a search party we're back here by nightfall understood why does everybody have to go look for Chapman why can't it just be Conrad Packard and maybe two other guys they have to come back here anyway right in 24 hours if you have to be on the other side of this island who the insert stupid cigarette smoking scenes so that we know this around here is flammable this skull crawler vomits chapman's head and his dog tags only feet away from the people who are looking for him because the director thinks using your brain is for [ __ ] zoom and enhanced cliche wait a minute this is 1973 right they don't invent human eyes zoom and enhance abilities until 2047 and even then they're spotty at best why doesn't Conrad pull them back right this second he's seen the skull on the ID and can literally show both to the colonel right now this movie's aggressively stupid oh no I guess to be site whether we were rooting for R and s character or not he's kind of an [ __ ] but he's also a plan here Wow well see you John hang on they were also regular dinosaurs like Triceratops on the island are we sure this isn't actually Isla Nublar these guys suddenly have flamethrowers that were not part of this movie until just now alright movie gets into some 2d side-scrolling action it's like I've got my Sega Genesis all over again also luckily these [ __ ] birds have watched a lot of action movies and think you can only attack one at the time also also as we can see here Conrad can see almost nothing out of this mask but he's been 100% accurate and slicing these creatures with a sword but the toxic gas is still in there gasps doesn't just stay in one place man it gasses in this case toxically it's amazing during all this commotion King Kong never comes by to see what's up was super upset when they dropped the bombs earlier because of the noise but now he's like out there I'm sorry colonel pocket Chapman is dead I waited to tell you this for some reason my motives are really unclear oh well if you take away a species natural competition that proliferate out of control and we got this insight from the geologist even though there's a biology expert standing right next to him keep your eyes open to ants big ones yeah ants they sound terrifying too bad we won't be seeing them in this monster movie despite being specifically mentioned it sounds like a bird but it's a man Jesus john c reilly is such a national treasure he belongs in a museum once enough for him being by far the best human thing about this movie make him a special gift out of that napalm just private the baby-faced really need to test the napalm it will always do napalm e things it doesn't miss be around that Ben Conrad apparently one of the greatest trackers in the world can't find his way back to the boat even though they literally just came from that direction well just came here to get touched by brie Larson achievement unlocked piece wait first till dawn if we're not back by then just go Ludi gives one last middle finger to the concept of time considering that when they docked here they had 24 hours to get to the extraction point now they've lost almost an entire day and night with this bull but they're still somehow on schedule I know he's big and strong and all but Colin survives this I guess come to set their burning thinking goddamn this sucks before deciding finally to walk through the flames and start Kong it yeah I'm sure glad brie Larson is in this scene she brings so much to the table here stop simply because Mason says stop for some reason Packard stops even though there's absolutely no chance of him changing his mind that's the big one we were told that the big one would only surface once Colin was dead so who told him that Colin was dead or does he have a heart monitor that tracks him remotely and erroneously flatlined even though a severely injured in comatose Kong is right in front of it the skull crawlers only impediment to ruling this entire island this [ __ ] is more interested in warming up its pipes Tom magically wakes up in time not to be killed by his archenemy this movie will remain pg-13 god dammit this is the edge of the island so it's time for the vertigo effect for some reason the live your life movie seriously thinks it can ring an emotional human moment out of this puppet show these things have been going for the jugular the whole movie but this one instinctively knows when someone's trying to sacrifice himself with grenades so he does the old tail swipe attack I'd give the movie points for playing on audience expectations but I'm Way too pissed at this movie to give it credit calling grabs a tree is a weapon but after slamming the skull and crawlers head into the rocks a few minutes ago what good does he think a tree is going to do and the answer is nothing oh yeah it looked like it hurt but it was worthless it had one use and it's done now what jeez how many ex machina czar in this movie maybe five I'll get at five sins for all the ex maka nuts okay so why does the skull crawler care so much about the humans anyway the bullets do him no harm and he's got the wand [ __ ] he's been waiting to kill Oh wrapped in chains ready to be destroyed but now this pet has to leave his life's work to kill some easy targets not only does this non-military photographer have perfect aim to hit a moving target with a goddamn flare gun this actually distracts this tips from advancing on the hapless boat why the [ __ ] is it chasing after Conrad the shooby thing is over there Colin guesses correctly where Mason fell and this murky ass water and is able to grab her out just in time villain is dead but comes back for one more attack cliche but they still have no time to get to the extraction point right right mother Jesus how many [ __ ] cameras did they take to film this reunion and Jesus house staged is this the camera operator gets a shot of Hank walking inside his own house and they have all the reaction shots in a real time nice moment but is this fun fear I guess this end credits scene is going to be about Loki's scepter some killed Nick Fury in this movie so I don't know who's supposed to give the Avengers their next assignment Kong is not the only king but mainly it's Godzilla that's the one people care about I'm Billy Mitchell always has a plan [Music] everything okay hey man far as I know to move this tip-top refuel team will meet us here on the north end of the island that may be our only safe departure window for an unknown period of time sad good wear helmets when you ride your bikes you have seatbelts in your cars you have alarm systems to protect your homes but what do you do when those alarms go off crazy is building your ark after the flood has already come aurora borealis at this time of year at this time of day in this part of the country localized entirely within your kitchen [Music] hey this is Fox five we hear you yeah we're on a boat go on the boat heading up north on a river boat we're going to pull together and we're gonna find a way to get out first we're gonna this is the end we will be the first to break through to the other side when you absolutely positively got to kill every mother in the room except no substitute [Music]

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 6,806,582

Keywords: kong, review, everything wrong with, cinemasins, kong: skull island, wave jockey job, cinema sins, eww, skull island, mistakes, movie

Id: rNniLJGd1ts

Length: 19min 41sec (1181 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 15 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/theredditoro]

The director is pissed on Twitter. I don't remember seeing that type of reaction before.

Edit : he's continuing this morning.

[u/BigCballer]

To anyone who hates CinemaSins because of how they present their "satire", I understand. You dont have to like the content or it's humor, it sometimes falls flat for me too. However It's ridiculous if you're trying to criticize him for being a "bad critic". If anyone has watched CS for a while you know by now to not take them seriously as real movie critics, they said it themselves in their "everything wrong with cinemasins" video, "we're not movie reviewers, we're just assholes".

Feel free to judge CS's ability to be satirical, but judging them for being a critic just doesnt make sense. That's like criticizing the onion for being bad at reporting.

[u/Halo4356]

Wew, someone isn't happy on twitter. Even went so far as to argue against some of them.

[u/Castriff]

https://twitter.com/cinemasins/status/897558236836114435

[u/deerokus]

I find it a bit bizarre how seriously many people seem to take their videos.

[u/ROBOT_B9]

Am I the only one who thinks that they made King Kong too large in this movie? I know he's supposed to be huge and imposing but he just looks silly like this.

Also, the script would have been better if it was written by Yogi Berra.

Also also, there was a rumour for a long time that Peter Jackson was going to do a "Son of Kong" remake until this came out. I'm still annoyed we never got that.

[u/Radaistarion]

I'm actually worried about how Jeremy will take all of this... Hope he's okay! :(

Also, what a pretentious humorless asshole

[u/Gingerslayr7]

If you can't ignore criticism (especially in an intentionally exaggerated format) don't put yourself out there.

This comes across as whiny and a little pathetic even tho I really enjoyed Skull Island

[u/theredditoro]

He's now gone on an additional hour long Twitter storm this morning.