Everything Wrong With Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny in 17 Minutes or Less

[Music] Disney was smart enough to spread this blame around why do all these artifacts have to go back to Jesus the ark The Grail now this blade I mean Jesus when is with theing Hubers of Hollywood with these younger version deep fakes started with X-Men the Last Stand and then Tron legacy and sure they've gotten better but they are still on CNY Valley as and even if this were perfect did we really need to flashback to younger Indie I swear all the sequels in this franchise believe that the main thing that worked in the first film was that Indie had a hat and a whip he's going to ensure the vehicle keeps going at top speed while he goes out to battle a guy on a nearby motorcycle and somehow he's still going to make his way back into this vehicle like he planned the whole thing and this is a Simpsons episode also this works or IND he survives this take your pick I choose both Willam Nazis if you put out an Indiana Jones video game for the PS5 today and said this was a Ste from it I would believe you you want me to believe this is a liveaction younger Indie well then we are not cut from the same cloth because I was cut from the cloth of reality too many Nazis my personal view of the current world somehow makes its way into this movie I thought I told you to stay in the woods Bez I mean technically he did he only came out of the woods when he was being chased by Nazis and dogs not sure how he was supposed to remain in the woods at that point what sort of a man hides in a hedge while his friend is facing death I mean I probably would but also someone who doesn't want to needlessly die in protest seems like a fine answer a comedi Style ah the tular dial of Destiny which has never been spoken of prior to this fifth Indiana Jones movie I'm so glad we found it this movie is going to be over so quickly also they couldn't talk about this while on the run or when they get to safety you want to stop for a little Li down kind of they actually only have half of the antia which seems like a very important plot point that Hannibal Lector here keeps clossing over over bringing a knife to an Indiana Jones fight he's had his goddamn whip this whole fing time and he's just now using it that feels like something you should have started with shoot [Music] him not me what took place ever in Indy's experiences with baz to think he would be a great shot with a gun because I've only known baz for 10 minutes and I could have told you he is [ __ ] not a good shot with a gun they can't hear you B baz thinks they can hear him baz baz baz Polo instant coffee they are literally no positive qualities to instant coffee not also this movie is 2 hours and 34 minutes long and it seemed like a good time to tell you that as we watch him make instant coffee in real time amongst the Defenders of the city was its most famous resident who was aedes and Dr Jones just happens to be teaching about a person that will become a main focus of the rest of the plot because movie you didn't win the womb hler lost it I'll take weird Hills to die on for 400 please and I'd become famous that's why you study archaeology to become famous famous listen lady you seem fun but I can tell you that no one outside of archaeologist knows of any famous archaeologist your supposed Fame would be limited to the people in your field of study and most of them would hate you for finding it before them rather than respecting you for finding it Indiana Jones out with a bang back in the saddle pitch meeting for film becomes the film as he shows gives her the half of the dial from the opening flashback scene I'm going to just point out that he didn't vet her at all she has a passing resemblance to the daughter of that baz guy but he just believes her that she's baz's daughter and a few minutes later is giving her a Priceless artifact your father thought this thing could predict fissures in time I mean hey at least it's not aliens right your father wrote so many letters about the do I stopped reading them and definitely never mentioned it to anyone as she locks him in with the pursuers and leaves with the half dial I'd like to remind you that he should never have trusted her ass in the first place they killed his secretary nobody kills his secretary Helena just jumped from building top to building top landed on her goddamn knee and jumped back up and started running full force again and I would like you to right off movie oh give me a [ __ ] break you're CIA oh not me man I don't take government jobs with the exception of the government job you are currently on is what I think you meant how are you acquainted with Miss Shaw she's my goddaughter giving honest answers to people that just kidnapped you so the bad guys kidnapped Jones get turned back at a demonstration blockade then back into a taxi that was behind them and then they go let's go on foot and I am honestly shocked at this decision this is a kidnapping you need to back up and there's a car behind you go pay that guy to back up but abandoning the vehicle to take your kidnapping victim out on the street on foot is insanity Indy will now beat several asses despite his run for president level age this man will face no consequences for this action the this morning this morning there was aing shot just fired very close to this officer two seconds ago how the did he not hear that so it's like technology versus horse let's slow this footage down please because the pursuing villain will for no discernible Advantage choose to Veer hard to the left here and go around the white convertible instead of just continuing right on the heels of the goddamn Horse Fair jumping how do you keep the horse from touching the third rail because that is deadly and a horse really only responds to Left Right faster slower not so much don't put your hoof on this part of the track he stumbles upon an opening to the right that he uses to avoid being SM smed by the oncoming train and there was no way he knew that this opening was there when he said go go go sorry I'm late has anyone ever on time in a movie anyone big Rahim owns the hotel atlantique in Tangier and this week the hotel is hosting its annual auction of stolen Antiquities that's a weird title for an auction you're just letting everyone know the is stolen weird without Helena or the dial I'm going to get frame for murder it really feels like Indie is acting a little too frantic and not thinking about that if he runs he would be a fugitive he could actually help the police as a reliable witness I doubt he'll be gone more than 6 Days Seven Nights okay I'm done Random Hearts damn it if India is wanted for questioning about the murders that took place at Hunter College then how is he even able to fly anywhere wouldn't notifying the airlines be one of the first courses of action the police would take give them hell Indiana drones shouting the name of a murder suspect in public aredes discovered a temporal meteorology gibberish called and it would like its native language back or at least acknowledged if I give you this it must be destroyed I will he will not why the [ __ ] were you up until just before landing in Tang flying with this thing visible in your open bag to any passers by been nearly an hour and this movie is just starting holy sh every major character in this movie is converging right here and now and there's still an hour and a half left to go just like Pirates of the Caribbean the one with ch and fat that means there's a good chance of this film containing either an ocean tornado or a Keith Richard's appearance it's not yours you stole it then you stole it and then I stole it it's called capitalism capitalism see this is the kind of scene I was sort of hoping we wouldn't have in this movie where we wink really hard at one of the OG films but we tweak it a bit and assume it equals creativity then he handed me this citar and told me to come home with your head I feel like an axxe would have been a better option if you want to take a head off cleanly but you do you Raheem I presume you sold the ring it didn't go for as much as I thought it would being this much of a smart ass with a guy holding a simitar he already threatened to take your head off with Once no one will be seated while all the gunmen fire with terrible aim at our protagonists in the Hall of dangling onions or possibly its garlic what in the hell caused him to think I'd better look up back and to the left right now go faster but they shouldn't need to they are in an actual fing car how is this car chase this close choosing this moment to crank up the main Indiana Jones theme these bad guys and the machine guns that hit nothing important it's one of the oldest tropes in the book and I no longer feel escalated I from it I just feel bloat and convenience in the effect of four writers on this script what are you doing getting what's mine it's not yours though it belongs in a museum while the sheer length of the car chase may be impressive that doesn't mean the scene itself will be enjoyable to viewers acting like this fcking vehicle can make ebre turns Indiana Jones and the Recycled 40s comedy stylings I mean what even is a Godfather a 1972 Best Picture Winner an okay at best pizza franchise the father of a got am I getting close ah yeah that's right Hannibal made off with the dial or half of it at least honestly can't keep up we have half the dial now thing I said to my wife after taking a shower last week somehow enters the script my name is follow we already knew you were lying about your identity so this whammy is literally only for the character who was fictional and does not care one way or the other since she's about to be dead the location of the graphic course nobody knows where the graphic course is Dad did honestly as a viewer I thought this graphico thing was literally the same as the dial I thought they were interchangeable and I'm not stupid or or something the movie just kept mentioning them together and it took all whether electronic or gas how the does this three- whe golf cart thing still have power take a card Dr James card tricks or movie has time for this pick one I choose both I don't believe in magic wombat youing saw aliens rise up out of ancient Native ruins bro and saved your father's life with holy water from the Holy Grail you absolutely believe in magic what if you could go back in time what would you do is it skip I hope it's skip check offs Dynamite thanks you for rumaging through this drawer he look like snakes nothing they don't why did it have to be a call back to snakes drinking and Diving I can't swim thinking that diving requires swimming rich and Rich and my college girlfriend's hand job technique laid bare to the entire world this diving sequence underwaters on for all the some time mie expects me to believe that they could swim through these tight spaces without already getting the lines caught on something and I do not believe you movie I'll be honest everything since Indie went underwater has been super blurry visually and I have noing clue what is happening right now I should [ __ ] you when I had that chance to be fair you rightfully thought you had and that 100% should have been the case this [ __ ] should not be a lie no this punch would break this old man's face into tiny little pieces that is a human being the size of two human beings that just punched him Indie is Dead come on Indy everyone knows this even this clown being condescending to the guy you just went into a business arrangement with and had already been paid more than you asked for in the first place Indy picks up the metal disc 3 seconds after it was exposed by a raging fire burning the wax around it that should burn the F out of his hand everything Indie was talking about in his lesson at the beginning of the movie has tied into his present day adventure was this class called Exposition 101 so he's like running the show now I'm sit in charge Teddy pretty sure Archimedes is in charge hello hey how the did they do this sure he saw the boat go west instead of East and maybe figured Sicily but they are waiting for this kid here as though they knew he would a wander away from Indian wombat B pickpocket some rich kid C go buy an ice cream cone with his new found riches and D get distracted by a boat in his peripheral vision long enough to get himself trapped in this hallway that's a [ __ ] truck carrying a load of [ __ ] on its way out of the [ __ ] Factory hey hey hey Indiana Jones thinks he can out run a van stealing a Just Married vehicle we're not going to hurt him we're going to use it to get the other half of the dive yeah but they might hurt him after that cuz they wouldn't need him anymore and they could still torture him to find out the info he has so not feeling great about Teddy's future at this moment movie absolutely yada yadas these two sneaking away from guests and Rangers at a national park type place to go and investigate a [Music] cave Baba deing your way into finding treasure you haven't been forced to drink the blood of K no fair enough aren been tortured with Voodoo putting on the hits how the did these fools get off the boat in the middle of the aian sea that had Dynamite detonated in its lower chamber nobody memorizes every page of their dead father's notebooks for the money assuming you know how someone deals with their own grief they went that way this fing guy has a better tracker than a blood hounding centipedes and spiders didn't they do bugs in Temple of Doom why did it have to be centipedes and spiders why did it have to be anything can we go one goddamn Indiana Jones film without a [ __ ] creepy crawly scene ared was fascinated white water displacement being fascinated by water displacement most people aren't aware that Archimedes created the world's first slip and slide don't need to do that you really don't and I don't understand why anyone would ever handcuff themselves to someone else maybe limits the prisoner's ability to escape but it also limits your abilities because now you can only use one arm how is that helpful to anyone need them your Shack sized henchmen and the kid that knows the way and you're just wave them why did you bring them down here in the first place if they were that Expendable I appreciate that the light is coming through tiny cracks and Archimedes set this up so the light would hit the mirrors and leave a path but that was ages ago Earth's crust and plates and that all moves cracks letting in light wouldn't be guaranteed to be in the same place even 50 years later let alone a couple thousand and just pulls out the dial piece as though he's never experienced booby traps before of course it works M mathematics works I mean just because math Works does it mean that time travel works and I don't care after the Arc of the Covenant melting Nazi faces and indy surviving his heart being pulled out of his chest that one of these movies would involve time travel but don't yada yada over how it works that's part of the fun of time travel movies oh he's doing this right now he's putting the pieces together in an attempt to travel through time and he's doing it right now in front of his foes and way underground in a cave this is a movie decision because a real life evil guy would have the sense to bring that [ __ ] back up to the surface before [ __ ] with it kid jumps and a whole bunch of IND discernible [ __ ] happens I don't like it off with your maybe Dr Jones will die [ __ ] we know he's not going to die every goddamn one of us watching this movie knows he's not going to die so stop playing these games with us it's not necessary and it's not welcome what kind of Nazi kill the furer it's interesting to have the age-old question of if he could go back in time would you kill Hitler attempted in a movie and then it's also interesting to change that around to where a Nazi is the one that's going to kill Hitler it's still really stupid but definitely interesting he think you can fly one of those why the F would he he's a kid he picks Pockets with you he's a great thief in the right places but what the hell makes you think you can just suddenly fly airplanes a Nord sure it's not a ringing response well I haven't flown a Nord you've never flown any plane then why the did you ask him if he could fly that one why are they keeping him alive again they have both pieces of the dial they don't need them anymore even though I'll admit the movie certainly does for someone who has never flown a plane I find it a little bullshitty that he could Hotwire plane aredes didn't know about continental drift getting your calculations over because of continental drift Indie again survives a pretty massive punch to the face how is this guy just now waking up to figure this out it's not like Teddy has been quiet this whole time those are Norman TRS knowing your Roman Tri so well you can spot them from this distance keep it in the air UNF followable orders sorry pal but you're happy sorry pal but I actually don't have anything I just hated that dialogue how are they just now losing altitude this poor [ __ ] guy who has not spent the last few days with knowledge in his head that it's very possible time travel is real and then to wake up in a different Millennium I'm very concerned about this random character's mental well-being after all this you know taking a watch off a dead body is still stealing yeah we're witnessing history I mean technically we're witnessing history every day maybe not battles that ended at thousand of lives lost and cities ruined but for instance those six cheese crystals I scarfed down yesterday happened and that is history my stomach witnessed believing that history and future history are unchangeable wait what book ending Indy's present day portion of the film with dirty laundry Don Henley would be so proud Marion is back and she brought home groceries and I'm not sure how much I trust these writers to deliver a Maran that does more than bring home groceries are you back Indie God damn it he has been back this whole movie you can never have too much ice cream can you you absolutely can't I'm glad Indy is back together with Marion after all their relationship is really the through line for all the Indie sorry I couldn't get through that this moved me not they washed the goddamn hat oh that's not right please raise your hands if you would trade five years of your life for the so-call perfect [Music] a we happy yeah we happy I am not a recording FR line this way come on I can't do that all I want us to fight on the top of a train is that too much to ask I assigned Pages 131 through 171 in Winford for today anybody do the reading anyone anyone the great depress past the anyone anyone how are you acquainted with Miss Shaw I didn't kill my white I don't care give them hell Indiana drones I'm walking here I'm walking here now you believe the dial has magical powers it's all true

Channel: CinemaSins

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Keywords: wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, review, movie review, indiana jones, indiana jones and the dial of destiny, the dial of destiny, new indiana jones, new indiana jones movie, indiana jones and the dial of destiny review, indiana jones cinema sins, indiana jones sins, indiana jones and the dial of destiny explained, indiana jones and the dial of destiny commentary, indiana jones movies, indiana jones franchise, indiana jones explained

Id: tLlgi_M5dv4

Length: 17min 25sec (1045 seconds)

Published: Thu Dec 21 2023