Everything Wrong With Mission: Impossible Dead Reckoning (Part 1?)

off with your latitude and longitude you said the Bearing Sea that was enough there's not a single person in the theater that's like oh that part of the bearing SE now I'm truly intrigued the most fearsome killing machine ever devised by man oo are we about to watch Oppenheimer by mistake fine by me I'd rather sit through 3 hours of a complete movie than 2 and 1/2 hours of An Unfinished one spinning camera on a big red ball spinning camera inside big red ball flashing red lights AI sement is's there turning with us again he can see us it may not be fair but anytime you have a game of cat and mouse between a top secret Russian stealth sub and an American sub you're going to get a sin for not being The Hunt for Red October one thing only please right Captain making chbe to ready and all respects weird that's the same thing my college girlfriend used to say every Naval roleplay night this weird ass chess match where five moves in neither player has attempted to control the middle of the board with a pawn he was never there we've been chasing a phantom right because in AA I was like I have control over this entire vessel in any way I want but you know what feels fun a game of ghost chicken I am computer AI I will make spooky noises and scary eyeball Graphics while no one is even in here to see them you cannot stop me from my pointless Grand standing not providing me latitude and longitude so I know where exactly in Amsterdam this is you need to ask me the security question first oh yeah sorry uh what is the earth trying to offset Tom Cruz's intensity with an adorable Brit as if you didn't already have a Benji serving that purpose 30 years ago you were offered the choice join the IMF or spend your life in prison we seven movies deep and now you want to give us Ethan Hunt Origins just as you will never forget the death that brought you to us all those years ago yet another sequel jump starts the plot by showing us an event from the protagonist past that didn't exist until this movie invented it you have six movies of content spanning 27 years so why not pull from some of that this is to remind you of your oath and allegiance to us Ethan Hunt this is your reminder that you're a piece of we own you and hey remember that woman you liked who got shot yeah she's still dead oh have a crappy Mission the stakes of this Mission are higher than ever of course they are higher than that time a Scotsman with a virus was going to wipe out all the world or that time those bad guys got a hold of those nukes or that time discount Spectre also got a hold of some nukes your habitual Rogue Behavior will not be tolerated why because the Fallout would break protocol what should concern you is the involvement of your friend ilsa F wait wait wait theing on a minute Fallout had that subplot about getting ilsa out of trouble and away from the Spy game and I'm pretty sure Rogue Nation did something similar too now she's back in the mix there better be a good reason for bringing her back again and it had better not be to just kill her off for a cheap emotional punch continuing to use cassette tapes that could be listened to by anyone who understands how to push the play button instead of encrypted digital audio files some quick movie trivia for you Tom Cruz spent 5 weeks training on how to use actual binoculars just to get the scene right becoming a pirate just because you can't close your left eye no one not even the horse Ethan rode in on believes Elsa is dead right now like this movie would kill Elsa come on which was of little concern to us as it often suited our purposes until 6 months ago when the entity breached Saudi Arabia's general intelligence directorate and assimilated not only are these five seamlessly finishing each other's Exposition like they've been running rehearsals for weeks they are doing so with all the energy and believability of that time I saw a second great presentation of our America our corn sending a very clear message I sh the amount of work this County production of Tennessee Williams Exposition descending is doing is insane it's not only laying out yards of forced factual groundwork it's then making huge leap assumptions about the motives and next steps of this completely new and unknown entity the scene is making an ass out of you me and itself but servers require humans to maintain them and humans are the weakest Link in any security chain movie dismisses the air gap solution because humans have to maintain it and instead goes with the type every secret onto paper plan as if the beings doing the typing collecting archiving and overseeing aren't Homo Sapien in nature this whole scene is the dumbest expositional Force feeding to ever dumb itself down an audience's throat an enemy that is everywhere and nowhere I feel like this guy was cast exclusively because he kind of looks like he'd make a good Terminator you don't want to kill it sir you want to control it and how do we do that Mr krid ah sudden 1996 mission of possible callbacks while I don't object on the whole it is rather striking that krich is the only minion in this briefing that actually gets a name check as if he's the only one the script writers cared about the Russians have focused the majority of their intelligence activity on acquiring two halves of a cruciform key we the audience know that this is a Russian key that unlocks something on a Russian sub so can't the Russians just make a new key the Russians seem to believe that it somehow has the power to deactivate Our Mysterious entity sure is cool that the only way to to stop this evil AI is through this physical puzzle key that our heroes have to go on a quest for sorry I meant cool for the movie pretty dumb if you live in the real world I hope do you believe that kitridge this is the second time that Wesley has forced kitri's name into the conversation as if to say to the audience yeah we know he's been missing for five movies but just go with it okay well we know that a buyer is passing somewhere through the Middle East sometime in the next 72 hours do you know how big the Middle East ising big is how big you know how long 72 hours is in Spy World I don't know but I bet it's long it's almost impressive to have actionable intelligence specific enough to be sinful but vague enough to be useless so let me get this straight when there's a mission none of you can handle you just leave word for nameless man and hope he gets the job done David luckner would be excellent at Cinema should he choose to accept it what the hell kind of outfit gets to choose what orders to accept this scene has rapidly become an everything wrong with The IMF in carry always minutes or less [Music] this is only a surprise to the movie illiterate Watchers who didn't wonder why the movie cut to 17 different close-ups of this random person who didn't speak at all during the scene also there are exactly 22 seconds between the Green bombs of immediate impact going off and Ethan taking out his breathing apparatus telling me that no one in that room could hold their breath for 22 seconds wait are there still bad guys out here did they take a Dusty cigarette break so Elsa and Ethan could have their big moment and then do a full setup of her supposed death that was intricate enough to fool the intelligence agencies whatever the completed key unlocks we just have to wait a few years because why have just one movie when you can do less editing work and just make it two stay out of my way I can't do that what Ethan Hunt is going rogue and is about to be disavowed by the people he works for didn't see that coming also one way to keep krid out of your way is to not have this conversation with him and let him know you have the key half what actionable Intel did Ethan actually gain during this conversation so just how do you plan plan on getting out of here of course magical masks that just self-apply in seconds that would take makeup artists hours to accomplish yes we're still sending these masks it's our mission and we continue to choose to accept it spoiling your own movie and your own opening credits also waiting 30 minutes to roll them it's time Hollywood has fallen in love with multi-part films and it always makes the first movie worse I'm throwing five sins on any and every movie that is a part one from here until I forget to do so even if you decide someday to try to hide your sin by dropping the part W from the title we know half a movie when we see it and we will continue to act accordingly his agenda represents a threat to our national interest and he must be neutralized at all cost when you say at all costs do you really mean that cuz you could hurl a nuke at him and well the cost would be high You' definitely him up truth eating digital parasite infesting all of cyberspace X meaning this very conversation is technically an act of treason nope technically an act of treason has to be an actual act in fact the only reason the Constitution even mentions treason is so that it can limit it to people who actively Levy war against America or give Aid and comfort to an enemy of the US not only that but within the last 100 years the courts have specifically cleared speech and ideas from being able to be treasonous boom Constitution so this is the guy that shot Hunt's lady friend back in the day now I initially assume the tape mentioned the shooting because the IMF knew that Gabriel was involved but that was not the case at all Gabriel had nothing to do with that initial mission to capture ilsa it's just a big old sack of coincidence that this guy shows up on this adventure just days after tape guy mentioned him packing twice as many guns as you need for the job How many pairs of shoes do you really need Susan how did you do that no one is safe from fineous freak and that non-answer is all the explanation we will ever get about that what if somebody is trying to smuggle a bomb onto that plane and what if that's what the entity wants us to think to keep Ethan off that plane in two sentences the movie self owns by showing how nothing in this entire part one can actually be understood or truly a matter to the audience just an absolute master of an own goal impressive for wao whoever she is she's no spy not understanding that people contain multitudes hi hello oh just F already I'll scream please do oh just already is this thing on and why was this driving your pocket Ethan pickpockets back the key in the drive without her knowing and then decides to just let her know through some quick magical callbacks but why how does this help him isn't he skilled enough to put them back on the Mark himself or figure out a cover story Ethan the in that key she took off the buyer doesn't match it's counterfeit so the counterfeit somehow included the radiological signature of the Dragon's egg embedded in the key so you could track it but wasn't smart enough to match its alloy something isn't adding up here and one of these Geniuses should be all over it so what do I call you how about Grace the key is a crucifix you're named Grace at least the person helping the edity isn't named after an angel that might be a bit too on the nose also it appears to be nuclear how big I mean does it matter how big if this is a baby nuke would the outcome be any different is Luther going to say don't worry Benji if it's small we'll just let it explode and kill a bunch of people and make a good chunk of Abu Dhabi uninhabitable for the next Century or doesn't no biggy I haven't got any tools then find some where am I going to find did he just grab a random passenger bag and whip it open to search for bomb disarming tools unless you're planning to use a toothbrush a belt buckle or a vibrator for this job I'm thinking that's quite an ask is this where we run not yet conversation Tom Cruz has every day with every director of every movie he's been in somehow makes it into the script what's always approaching but never arrives wait wait wait I know this one the clock is ticking Luther riddles aren't my thing Benji what more can I say you just said you knew this one you backpedaling what is always approaching but never arrives tomorrow that bomb better have also been programmed to accept next week next month next year and the next Avatar movie I've got no more questions and there's one more wheel how am I supposed to give answers since I've got no questions I've got 45 seconds could he not just spin theing dial he said there were 14 letters on each ring and he's got 45 seconds to to go that's like 3 seconds for each RI start spinning Benji in the time it takes me to exclaim we're all going to be dead but I will keep yelling countdown at you anyway did she just slide in there conveniently at the last possible second is that the only way to the boarding area for Rome I was told all roads LED there Tom Cruz finds an excuse to sprint in a movie cliche but it has allowed us to keep tabs on this woman figuring out how to do this coordinated analog PowerPoint presentation between these cathode ray TVs in a totally computer-free environment is ex exactly why you can't trust the government to spend your tax money wisely grafting mil extortion in Mumbai but this is my favorite resisting arrest in Rio I need an entire Ted talk and maybe even a supplemental master class and why this man finds resisting arrest in Rio to be his favorite characters we barely know are being watched by another character we've barely seen at all to intersect with a third character we just met who's being followed by a villain that hasn't said a single word in a movie that's been going for almost an hour with hardly any plot advancement let's go your friends from the airport saw them in the hallway a few minutes ago you could have said something sooner well they were chasing you not me yes but he is your ticket out of here if he gets snatched before you leave you're and if you don't care about him being your Escape Route why give over all the information about why you were hired only in Italy could the word for pervert sound so adorable fing Italy of course there's just an open police car complete with keys in the ignition for her why not and double of course there's a motorcycle for hunt because Tom Cruz loves motorcycles just one time I'd like it to be a convenient segue or pedalo listen to me listen to me let her go and put them on Hunt is pretty well cornered here but fear not there's a Deus x-mantis out right around the corner I'm done I'm not doing this people are chasing us I mean You' think so wouldn't you but they always seem to be nowhere to be seen when you guys need to stop for a bit of talkie talking what are we doing finding us a new car wait we're safe house safe boat and safe car the only options what if I needed a safe plane a safe bank or some safe sex hey look I'm I'm sorry this is it's okay no this car the way they it's okay see it's funny because the confident man is having performance issues in front of the pretty lady 2023 movie using the Spanish Steps as a place to do crazy automobile stunts cliche okay so it was just the two movies but if your buddy in the category is fast X you're getting a s when Grace takes this turn she almost sideswipes this car parked at the corner but a second later when still unnamed Hench person does it the car has apparently engaged its cloaking device and we all know that that year in model of the car was made before cloaking devices became a standard feature I've run this back several times and they are clearly still handcuffed to each other when they crash on the tracks so she had 3 seconds to get the paper clip unlock her handcuff and attach it to the steering wheel without looking and with a single hand and all without one of the most observant humans in history noticing the cuff nanigans nope Ethan Ethan well come on Ethan will now Ride Along in silence instead of shouting how the did you know I'd be right here also it's super hard to give a about a plan going sideways when exmas like this immediately appear this franchise is filled with scenes that finish with some sort of oh no this is an unsalvageable disaster whatever will we do and before we had time to process that we jack knife into nah school man we got Plan B ready to go why were you even worried hunt actually seems happy to see ilsa instead of shouting why aren't you staying dead I have risked so much to keep you alive godamn it the only man who can't be found any place else in the airport except that reflection I can see this being the type of error a human might make but an AI surely it's just scrubbing all the airport footage for Gabriel's face so what the difference does it make whether that face is found in a reflection you don't know Gabriel I do no you knew who he was the last time you saw Gabriel was close to if not more than 30 years ago all you know he's turned over a new leaf and just really likes international travel now you have to go you are you have to go Ethan this is the part of the movie where Ethan convinces everyone he has to do this alone and they say no Ethan we love you we can risk Our Lives if we want and he'll say man I love you guys isn't friendship great I hope I can live with myself when you all die The Entity knows who we are any move we make it's probably considered it anything we do we have to assume that it's counting on us to do it it's almost like having a supposed allseeing all- knowing force that we know nothing about as your antagonist sucks all the tension right out of the story huh don't mind me I'm just standing here thinking about my thoughts against the most cinematic backdr possible it's my first time in Menace and it's my first time in this movie do you skip let's go to a party oh good these two have arrived they're like the Stadler and Waldorf for the movie but instead of being funny characters with witty besides they're not that and you're Gabriel I presume I've heard so very little about you same lady same should I know you geez Grace they did a whole circle jerk of exposition about her like 5 minutes ago to avoid this confusion keep up she doesn't have it I'm not about to endorse a non-consensual cavity search but he cannot be certain of that fact it's in the last place you would ever think to look oh off how does that immediately equate to Zola's pocket did Tom Cruz train to be psychic for for this movie you could even say that this party is that interested party you could also say that this party thinks the party that is that party and Bor this party so much that party has a pooper and the pooper is you parsing every possible cause and effect every scenario however implausible into a very real map of a most probable next so this whole situation is some kind of mix between the precogs and Minority Report skynut from Terminator and Doctor Strange in Infinity War neat fine fine fine and the black and white costuming here is pretty cool Gabriel is dressed in white with a black undershirt to indicate he thinks he's an angel but is dark at his core Ethan is in a black suit with a white shirt underneath because he feels lost in darkness but his soul is pure Alana is dressed in all white because her motives are clear and Elsa in all black because her fate is not and Grace is in perfect balance of white and black to represent that she is the key to balancing the force or some like can we please get back to an action scene for F's sake this is the second time in this movie that someone has used slight of hand to show a valuable item to someone who didn't know they had it and it was dumb both times Tom Cruz finds an excuse to sprint in a move wait haven't we done this one already dear God he's evolving into his final form the entity is knocking out satellites faster than I can act into them Luther's fleshy brain seems shocked that a computer is better at Computing than he is Ethan our comms have been breached you're talking to the entity the real Sin is that even the US government knew to go all analog but these guys were like nah let's keep using our computer what's the Worst That Could Happen bringing knives to an AI fight presenting your weapons for observation instead of immediately using them there it is that decision to run away instead of kill her will ultimately change the game the eventual Singularity happens and we all wonder why love didn't save us from the AI apocalypse just remember it's this movie's fault for putting that idea in your head in the first place ilsa is a badass and doesn't deserve to hit the fridge this easily unless Gabriel has some sort of upgrade situation going on there is no way the entity could have known this is how it would go down this is and I hate it and I'll now play a ding noise to indicate my displeasure it was her first time in Venice her first time in Venice stacking chairs like this in one outcome you die on that train in another outcome you kill Gabriel in both cases The Entity wins does it though your logic is based on Gabriel being the only way to find out what the key unlocks and you have no idea if that's true in fact if that were true wouldn't The Entity just kill Gabriel itself and be done with it I'm just saying if I were Ethan you'd have to do a lot more to pour cold water on my revenge boner than these giant assumptions and conjecture I managed to make a widow Mas with Grace but then it just shorted out in the middle of making yours the only error message Gabe was cannot complete motorcycle stunt required for plot. exe to continue you'll find either way to get me on that train I just need a curve where it's going slow enough for me to jump on well thank goodness reacted that out because my imagination is far too basic to have pictured that on its own promise me you'll be on that train I will be there I'm met one and if it just so happens to require me to pull off an incredibly dangerous stunt that make for great promo material so be it what the hell is up with this giant entity branded sleep mask is this entity CPAP providing oxygen and brainwashing Allin one that's too much power for anybody to have and maybe that's what Hunt is thinking you know I'm beginning to wonder whose side you're on they guy the only thing I want less than this obvious and already discussed philosophical conversation is to hear it from these two plot nobodies self Drive activated you know the first thing I'm going to do when the sentie AI goes Rogue not trust the self-driving car to not throw me off a mountain please don't disturb me before the meeting I mean that's just fing lucky right how was Grace supposed to switch places with Alana if she had decided to keep Zola at her side how do we know hers isn't a counterfeit either right now who's going to check the precious Alloys you're not atanta mopis the atanta I remember was yay hi oh you false tension mongering drama tees somehow Krit has a history with Alana which could lead to Grace thinking she's been exposed when she hasn't and even so who the would phrase it that way this is me listening weird it kind of looks like you constipate well I did a she did a job for me the grace we met with head to-head with Ethan and kept her Poise and cool the entire time but now that the script needs some attention she's fumbling her words this is what's known in the business as plot-based charactery got another lingo we were able to transmit an early copy of the AI to Russia's newest submarine I think I remember something about that from like two hours ago hard to tell there been a lot of meaningless action since then but I'll do my best to keep up you wish to form an access with the entity Purge your government of old think and create a new superstate to rule the world wait America where the bad gu is all along and Carri elways is playing a character not entirely on the up and up who conceived of such a unique twist Also let's talk about Robin Hood Men and TI's plan they created an AI and somehow embedded it in a Russian submarine to disable its camouflage then they sorry I can't go any further you built an AI that could Control software and your first thought was let's make sure we can see their new Subs not let's control the stock market or let's embed it in our enemies governmental institutions you went for the watercraft handing over the keys to the apocalypse when only 13% of the blockchain has been decrypted power of boners revenge and regular gives Ethan the strength to pull off this stunt you showed this so much in your promo material marketing and even this movie is opening credits that all this feels a little bit antic I want to like I really do but how can this dumbass think the key to stopping the most intelligent and deadly AI ever conceived is worthy of slipping into his jacket pocket not even his inside pocket kill her says the man holding the gun who has no reason to not just shoot her himself storing your person killer next to your person maker the hilarious that is Ethan X huning into this exact car at this exact time yes I said hilarious I also said also didn't that guy have the key how lucky that he didn't take it with him when he was defenestrated also also help me if someone in the comments pipes up about that this was the way entity planned it I will first curse your username and then remind you that such a thing would make it even more of a literal deos X maacha so sh well looks like it's fist fight on a moving train in a mission impossible movie o clock did he just put his whole body weight plus centrifical Force onto a 6-in blade stuck into the side of a train I mean there are plenty of cases where 6 in is plenty to get the job done but I don't think this is one of them don't you do it I'm not sure which makes less sense that Chief wigam somehow shows up at the exact right time on top of a moving train or that Ethan would even [Applause] care Ethan this movie is full of all sorts of nonsense but this next 5 minutes of vertical escape room Story train Edition is some of the most fun nonsense to ever have no sense is that fun enough to overcome the nonsense yes yes it is Ethan Hunt being surprised by someone who had to climb down this entire bar to get to him thank you loser Ethan said says Thank you Mr mcy for making sure I left the parachute in this exact spot in a compartment that didn't get pulled off the edge strangely they'll be coming Ethan especially now that you've had some time to get the key information and the plock and move on they're likely to show up at any second the closer someone gets to you the harder it is to keep them alive warning you movie you better not be foreshadowing a Benji sacrifice if anything happens to them there is no place you and your God will be safe there's no place that I won't go to send you that is written should any members of your team be caught or killed oh I regret nothing I am aamus and I think you and I could do awful things together hey I just want to take another look at you you don't know me but I know you I want to play a game I'll scream he's got to be here somewhere where that day for no particular reason I decided to go for a little run you know him to know him was to love him and to love him was to know him those who knew him loved him while those who did not know him loved him from afar Warriors come out to play without a team your life won't be measured in years or even months it'll be measured in 9,986 th000 minutes surprise trust me I won't be you fall I promise do you trust me hold on hold on I got you I got you I got you you're going be all right be all right you're not going to [Music] die hello

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 307,711

Keywords: wave jockey job, cinemasins, cinema sins, everything wrong with, eww, movie, review, movie review, Mission: Impossible Dead Reckoning, Movie Critique, Film Analysis, Cinema Sins, Movie Review, Mission: Impossible Series, Tom Cruise, Action Movie, Film Commentary, Everything Wrong With, Dead Reckoning Part 1, Spy Movie, Plot Holes, Movie Mistakes, Film Breakdown, Mission: Impossible Franchise, Action Thriller, Cinematic Analysis, Film Discussion, Entertainment Critique

Id: vKtYiU83TXk

Length: 24min 55sec (1495 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 19 2023