Half in the Bag: Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny

well we're sitting in the black void that must that must mean if I'm interrupting could you obviously tell us like an intro come in and step around what the [ __ ] well here we are on the black void it's very very warm in the black void today waiting for Rich to come in oh just doesn't say anything ever I'm waiting for you to jump in how many times have we well everyone here we are on the black void we're about to talk about Indiana Jones in the dial of Dutch half in the bag that belongs in a museum so do you aren't you Milwaukee what Milkman the Milwaukee Milkmen I've never even heard of them and then you got some kind of up Michigan yeah I got a bigfoot shirt I bought oh look I got I got a Wisconsin shirt on we're representing the Midwest yeah yeah I'm not Jay's nice I'm drinking a spot of cow oh okay there we go all right we'll just look at that we got everything covered we gotta talk about this huge summer tent pole movie look there's so much to discuss with this film this summer tadpole for ants Indiana Jones and the diaper of Destiny is the fifth and last Indiana Jones film who'da thunk I'd lived a 2023 to see a [ __ ] fifth Indiana Jones film with an 87 year old Harrison Ford nobody's gonna believe it but nevertheless here we are and we saw it this film is set in 1969 and Indiana Jones is off on an adventure to stop Nazi Time Travelers you heard that right I tell you if good old Walt Disney knew that someday far in the future his little company would be making a big action movie about a man who kills Nazis he'd be appalled laughs that's good it's it's okay my joke the movie before I forget you mentioned Paramount I was surprised to see the Paramount logo I thought this was like pure Disney at now that's probably just would want to use your Paramount logos can we give you 20 bucks it could be it could be but they didn't even transition from it to the opening of the movie or anything well because we had to see the filthy lucasfilm logo afterwards before we got to the movie yeah they transitioned from the lucasfilm logo yeah it's got to go to the Paramount the mountain has to be incorporated into the scene did they do that with the the last one they did it was actually kind of clever before the CGI gopher showed up but seeing seeing the little the little Hill was kind of fun and then you know but then the cartoon popped out yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well so they broke this protocol I don't know it has to go in a certain order because the lawyers started this is this is this is our art now art movies magical Nostalgia dictates that the Paramount logo must be in there but corporate dictates that the lucasfilm logo must be shown well one thing I I really disliked was the opening I know you have to have an Indiana Jones action opening but I don't I I would have really been happy with the film if one if they cut the action scenes down in half the film opens with cgid aged Harrison Ford I'm just curious I'm just curious what don't you like about the opening uh because I thought it was okay the the uh okay the Deep fake CGI Harrison Ford was okay it still didn't get over that uncanny valley effect not for me and the problem is Harrison's voice it's a very good point I was thinking that and and I wanted to bring that up yes he The Voice doesn't match the face and body I think it's also a combination in this of like multiple layers of uncanny valley because you have DH Harrison Ford on top of a CG train in front of a CG background so it's like I don't know like I don't care about CG in general in big movies but in an Indiana Jones movie it stands out more sure it definitely did not look like an action sequence from the original movies yeah no and it was it it was like okay we all want to see what Indiana Jones did during the second world war the movies ended before that started and then they picked up after it was over right so what did Indiana Jones do during the war in in Crystal Skull dog you know what this bastard did for us during World War II he ain't a commie like they had all that now there's books probably 10 books what did Indiana Jones do during World War II who knows who cares here we get to see it through the magic of digital de-aging we get to see Harrison Ford and it was less than stellar and it sucked because he has an old man voice and he's hobbling around and they they probably looked at Harrison Ford and what from uh uh oh God so this is what 44 is this like Patriot Games era Harrison Ford yeah I'm trying to think like a fugitive to uh so 39 to 44 is five years so it'd be 89 90 91 92 93 94. yeah yeah Air Force One about Air Force Air Force One The Fugitive and he looks like Blade Runner Harrison Ford which was like 82 or 80. yeah I mean I don't that's wrong I don't care about that at all the other D aged Harrison Ford when they flash back like I don't know 10 years 1959 or something later in the movie when uh uh Toby uh Toby Jones is like crazed trying to figure out the dial of Destiny and they do like a slightly younger Harrison Ford it looked okay but this is all wrong I think I just would have been happy if they opened it in 1969 and Indiana Jones tells Phoebe Waller Bridge his goddaughter oh me and your dad we uh during the war we we've tried to find the style of Destiny and we found it nazia artifact train and I took it and put it in my satchel and punched a guy before he [ __ ] fell off the train and we jumped off the train and the dial fell off and I the [ __ ] everything happened and then stop talking to me and that and that that's that's it that's all I needed I didn't need to see an ecstasy because there's too many action scenes you got to have that though because it's the forming I think the problem with a lot of the extra scenes like the problem with the train sequence in the beginning is it's too long this hour is two this movie is two hours and 34 minutes and there are two mediocre car chases in this movie especially the middle chunk of the movie is a giant slog because it's our characters go to a location the villains show up they have a okay-ish chase scene that goes on too long go to a next location villains show up they have another chase scene it's very repetitive in the middle of the movie cut it down to one Chase sequence and use the money you're saving to make it a better Chase sequence yes yeah I have some extra hard to follow you they have to take it over the top but that's the thing is they don't really take it over the top they just let it go on to you you can't turn it into a Fast and the Furious movie it has to retain some level of somewhat is that their way of compensating that is we'll just have it go on twice as long as it should it is they could have they could have there's there's a sweet spot of over-the-top and believable and you gotta find it the chase in New York during the uh Apollo 11 astronaut parade that was a good Chase sequence it was pretty simple Harrison Ford steals the cop horse he's on a horse he Dodges some subway trains that the part where he rode through the subway when I watched it in the trailer I thought oh God it's going to be stupid but it was very short and simple and and it ends with a lighthearted moment where he's like hold my horse yeah that's kind of fun yeah and he gets on the subway and sits down it was it was cute it was very much like the simple level of that that college campus chase scene in uh uh crystal skull crystal skull yeah where the the Communists are chasing him which is a better action scene than any of the actions yeah that was classic in the action scene yeah I wonder who directed that film um to be fair James mangle directed this film he's a talented director he's good but I don't know if it's like interference of like Disney being like we gotta go bigger I have no idea I really liked uh the Logan movie that was yeah it's great stripped down and but I think like yeah Spielberg is a smart man and he would be like well no I I think it's too much yeah I think the first half of Crystal Skull is better than this movie but then the rest of Crystal Skull happens and it goes off the funny part is the second half of this movie is better than yeah I wouldn't say the second half I would say it's literally just I wouldn't even say It's the Final Act it's like the final 10 minutes I'm not even kidding the final 10 minutes of this movie kind of redeems a lot of its mediocrity in in a schlock way yes well we'll get to the ending but I I I I really I really can't stress enough how much I really didn't like that opening on the train do you even remember do you remember when the Nazis brought him up to the roof of a house to like hang him oh yeah yeah and it doesn't detonate and it lands in the attic and then it starts to fall and I I'm like is this supposed to be like a wacky Indiana Jones set piece or is this supposed to be scary or tense or excite like then the bomb is sinking and he's oh he cuts his binds so he can support himself and they're about to shoot him but the bomb Falls and the bomb falls through the floor and goes to the next floor and then the house explodes and all the Nazis fly and die in the air and Harrison Ford still but then the Rope is still stuck on a thing and I'm like is this is this is this a thing is this a set piece or and he's still choking and like what's happening and then he has to disguise himself as the driver and the Nazis get in the back of the car and then he drives to the train and has to disguise himself as a Nazi on the train it just keeps going yeah compare that to Last Crusade with the fireplace here's the opening uh if you if you compare to the opening of Last Crusade that whole opening with him as a kid no yeah nice and simple nice and simple or just or just like start like uh if you need the flashback start it on the train and they pulled he's on the train and he's already captured they pull his mask off Indiana Jones you're a spy I'm the Nazi guy and I've got a thing in this briefcase what is oh now punch a couple guys and climb on the roof of the train for like 30 seconds and then grab Toby Jones and jump off the train into a river and watch the before the train goes off the tracks because the Allies bomb a train track well I think they wanted to also like one they wanted to open it with the classic Indiana Jones action opening but also I think they wanted that hard contrast from Young Adventure man to now pathetic boring old man no you know how to open it you do a play on the Indiana Jones action adventure and just have them trying to get ready in the morning Indiana Jones music he's like buttering bread like like he has to be like late for a lecture or something sure sure he's like struggling with the just to try to catch a cab and then he's gotta run down and get him he's got he's got a jaywalk he almost gets hit by a taxi that's that's the last minute Dodge in the shower and the shower curtain falls off and just like all these like like mishaps happen they would never ever do that downstairs in his apartment building there's another way to come out with groceries you have that John Williams Whimsical dude is he's trying to get around her I I do like it when he he knocks on his neighbor's door with a baseball bat because they're playing music too loud yeah they do do that it's funny I was I was thinking he he wakes up and he's got hippie neighbors and they're they're blasting um Sergeant Pepper uh Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band uh the album by the Beatles and I thought I was thinking like um hold on I gotta drink beer up in the middle of this I was thinking you you mentioned the tight in and out right yeah like I was thinking like like a like a Beatles song from like 1968 right you give a Converse Chorus Verse Bridge chorus out yeah two minutes 20 seconds right those were old Indiana Jones movies intro action scene fairly quick some Exposition action scene Exposition big action scene closing out it's like the structure of a two minute 15 second beetles pop here and and this is like a 43 minute long like Pink Floyd song or something right the extended cut that nobody listens to the whole thing yeah it just goes and it goes on and on then this part happens and this part happens and and it just it's it's mostly the movie it starts to wear you down a little yeah like like I I I wonder if you just charted this like structure wise you know because what the action scenes in this the Train opening was half the running time of Temple of Doom right I mean wasn't it yeah probably it probably was it was probably it definitely felt like it I think it was like a half an hour long you might be right I'm not even gonna doubt that yeah um and so like then you know then we do the the chase that they go in the he he takes her in the library and the archives and that leads into the ticker text parade horse uh then they go to Morocco next right yes yes and uh that's when we get generic car chase number one big car chase then we go from there to Antonio banderas's boat they go to the boat and it's neither they haven't done underwater before but it was a fun sequence it's not the it's not the most exciting secrets in the world they just they just go underwater and they find a thing and then they come back up it would have been very exciting if I could see what was happening but like many modern movies the cinematography is dimly lit for no good reason we've never seen underwater archaeologists Indiana Jones yeah yeah but he needs to do something fun underwater he got scared by an eel it's not an amazing scene and then he didn't do anything clever to get out of the situation that's yeah well they kept they kept saying like oh three minutes of uh on the ocean floor three minutes three minutes and I thought they were gonna do a thing where like they got stuck or the time didn't really matter no ultimately it didn't make it the Nazis jumped aboard the boat yeah uh I thought the Indy was going to get caught or I don't I guess there's really no like unless you just get your your uh cords tangled there's really no like somebody can't come out of the boat and start attacking you like a skeleton like what's gonna happen but if that happened one of those skeletons came to life eels what you don't have been great if like a gigantic just octopus came out of nowhere just grabbed the ship or a goober fish a goober fish showed up we have a crossover or a megalodon no oh that was the most entertainment you got out of this whole theater going experience wasn't it that really was the Meg 2 trailer Jason Statham on a speedboat I didn't know there was a make one apparently this is a sequel to a Megalodon movie that has who's Jason statement on a [ __ ] jet ski with a samurai sword riding a giant wave and he's about to attack a Megalodon with a samurai sword okay so it is uh and he's never done underwater archeology and we have to see that it's something and you know what at least it looked like they really shot it underwater maybe it was in a tank or something but it wasn't CG it wasn't them in front of like a green screen going like this probably was it looked pretty good it's just too dark to tell that's true they just add millions of layers of things they didn't turn on the lights for that scene right uh but so so they get that and then they uh oh they they escape the boat she lights a stick of dynamite and then uh Chase oh they steal someone's like wedding car yeah to go into a cave to find the tomb of Archimedes they kidnapped Neo Short Round that guy no Short Round that kid you forget he's in the movie half the time but that's what they're going for his nickname should have been unibrow poor kid damn that was pretty mean it was that was it got better laughs the first time oh yeah so there's that those the the underground uh illegal uh bidding auction house for stolen Antiquities that Phoebe Waller bridge is running uh there's a kind of a little Punch Out fight scene in there but you're right you mentioned that it's it's like going from here to here to here to here to here um it's very repetitive and boring because there's no new information right it's just we're going here oh and now they've caught up with us so we got to go somewhere else and it's yeah and which would be more forgivable if the action scenes were more fun and more inventive but they're very Bland yeah and I'm not even going to say they're bad bad they're not bad like the chase sequence isn't like oh it's an awful Chase sequence it's just very creative yeah there's nothing clever or inventive that happens throughout them they're very like straight they're like mechanical there's a couple little things that happen though the guy in a motorcycle got hit by a big bundle of straw or something that doesn't sound that inventive don't jump from one one golf cart to the other I guess that was kind of remember when that big guy in Raiders got chopped up in propeller blades very memorable that's very memorable sticks out of my mind just Indie having to fight that big guy this is great and they had a big guy in this did he ever fight that big guy it was a tease that big guy got handcuffed to a gate underwater and drowned by a little Short Round oh yeah he killed him he murdered I will say that there was murder in this movie A guy got rhino run over by a car innocent people got shot Point Blank like it didn't feel as sanitized as the last one yeah are they are they running under the thought that the only believable action they can have an 80 year old Harrison Ford do is drive a car is that is that what this is um is that what this is because he doesn't he never has the punch-out fight with the big guy like he said yeah well I mean yeah he's too old for that and that guy was like nine feet yeah he's he's not whipping and Swinging From Ledges it's just yeah he drives the car well that's yeah they kind of like halfway because the whole idea and I know you've talked I think it's the blanket review where like Indiana Jones's generic Adventure man he's self-insert man so you never like the idea of him getting older and I don't really like it in Crystal Skull but here that's kind of what the movie is partially about what does Adventure man do when Adventure man is too old to Adventure yeah but there's so their answer to that is just well he just goes on another adventure but they're less exciting but they're less exciting and then there's kind of something about if I could go back in time and change things I do this and yeah yeah there's a little theme they yeah they try to make it like like magical and Whimsical at the very end but most of the movie is generic Indiana Jones Adventure so it doesn't really matter but uh yeah it's set up at the beginning he's he's old he's miserable Marion's left him [Applause] died in the war just get him out of there I don't know how I feel about that and yeah nobody liked mud but he was fine I liked mud in in that movie the first half of that movie everything in the first half of that movie is fine it's the second half that just sucks um and ruins the whole thing part-time part-time part time why they had a good take part time they had a good take we saw it in the trailer part-time part-time that is the exact moment that the movie stops being good too like that scene is like boom we're done trying part time he's different than like Rambo Action Man like he he's intelligent you know it's he's like a James Bond where it's a it's a male fantasy kind of movie right but you don't want to see that action man as an old daughtering man and I think they did a pretty good job of displaying them of portraying him as that in this movie without it getting like too depressing right um well there was they emphasize a scholarly nature a bit like he solves puzzles in this yeah yeah and he did in the other movies too he was a well-rounded man in all the movies he got all the ladies and he punched all the bad guys he was physical and but also smart you know he wasn't like Jason Statham stabbing a shark hey you haven't seen the mic too maybe he's a genius in that film maybe he's like a marine biologist I don't know but um but same with James Bond he's a he's a clever spy and uh same thing where it's just like that's kind of why you watch the movie not to learn about James Bond and his father and his his wife and his son and what went wrong with James Bond's marriage like you don't care to be fair those recent James Bond movies the the Daniel Craig ones I guess the idea with those is the kind of deconstruct that type of character that archetype boring so I think that's in a way what they were trying to do with this movie a little bit no it's because that's there's nothing else to do well he's Harrison Ford is 80 years old so well even by uh Last Crusade it was just like let's thicken this out yeah let's throw in Sean Connery for for yucks and have some I have some add a little depth you know we've done we've done the Rando Adventure where he goes in the Temple of Doom Let's uh let's do something else there's nobody liked that do you just feel like anything could happen I'm assuming uh from what a couple things I've read people think Phoebe Waller bridge is annoying I did not I thought she was good in it she's fine it wasn't anything where it was like she was super likable or she was super annoying well she wasn't likable but that was part of the character which I liked she was a nice contrast to Indiana Jones that's right she wants these artifacts just to sell them for money which is fun but really she wanted to complete the quest because she loved her father forget all that just ever be a scumbag it would have been fine right but yeah she's a little like uh you know dodgy in the middle in the beginning like yeah she locks him in the room and yeah and then uh in the illegal artifacts auction she's you know doing her thing being being bad she's not interested in like protecting him or having a good relationship with him so you're taking Indiana Jones right and what does Indiana Jones do he goes around on adventures and he smooches ladies and he runs into old ladies that he's had relationships with like Marion but and I noticed very specifically there were many moments in this film where they they flopped that and Phoebe Waller bridge is the oh yeah schmoozing she has the the Moroccan ex-husband or fiance or something the mobster yeah she's ogling like dudes a couple different dudes just random background dudes the guy takes off a shirt on the boat and she's like she's just objective on men and Indiana Jones objectified ladies so it's possible they're setting the the stage for a female Action Hero and then she'll have to save the what what would be a male equivalent of a damsel in distress Hansel and distress manful can that be the new term Mansell in this Edie Waller Bridge as Indiana Jane and the man sold in distress the harried himbo a himbo and harm well another woman sniffer to call the bimbo it's none of the women so no all the women in the Indiana Jones movies were Plucky and smart just inverted yeah it's just a man that would be going along with Phoebe on her adventures as as her companion but then once which is what I was I was worried that the movie would be her like in charge of the adventure at Harrison Ford is just his daughtering old man following along you know he starts taking over because the world's at stake here because the Nazis have a time travel machine and he goes those aren't whatever he's not a professor because he's like yes my name is Hans Schmidt I am a professor in Alabama you watched me get hit in the face on a speeding train yet somehow I am still alive 30 years later I thought he was gonna have a big old gnarly scarred on the side of his face I thought he was just going to be dead and because he was too big an actor we'd see him later with time travel oh yeah the fact that he survived that is just mind-bending but okay sure uh but then she kind of changes her tune a little uh there's that scene the scene on the boat Antonio Banderas shows up uh as uh one of indie's old friends and the second he showed up I knew he was going to die in no that's the wrong reaction oh no it's indie look Sala made it out okay Sal is in it okay so oh oh I was saying that scene when uh Hans Hans Mickelson Hans Gruber Hans yes Han Gruber my name is Hans not a Nazi that's his name shows up on their fishing boat because Indiana Jones continues to lead the Nazis to exactly what they want throughout the entire film yeah yeah almost immediately he led them right to the uh our uh the the Chalice of the cup of Christ because he led them to that because they shot uh his father yeah who made that movie again so uh there you go yeah India gets everyone killed uh because he I guess he wants to stop the Nazis from getting the other half of the dial of Destiny but they wouldn't get it if he they weren't following him yeah and you know they might have found it on their own they might have had enough information that they could have found it on their own okay nobody's gonna believe it do we have anything to say about the music I was shocked to see John Williams name on that I wanted to mention that I looked it up after the movie I guess it was in the credits I missed that but I looked it up because I was like did he do the music for it and he did but I don't know it almost feels like it's just made up of cues from the other movies it didn't have that like you talked about that in your temple of doom video how great the score is to that how like specific it is to the action this a little more generic I mean the guy is 90 something yeah I might have been phoning it in thinking specifically specifically during the uh the parade horse chase that like the music where's the music the music isn't selling the scene like it should be the theme would creep up every now and then but it's yeah like it shows up first when he's running across the top of the train and it feels like I don't know that was too early for it or something it just sort of felt like haphazardly shoved in there but not just so much the like the recognizable theme but like interesting new music stuff I mean he's he's 97. and also I'm not entirely convinced that he has that much to do with this I wonder if he's just kind of like there's a ghost composer Ghost Rider yeah yeah I mean that's possible because there's one part where it was like there's the music was like no like it was like very like just repetitive and not good and I don't know it was an AI they had AI do it they they put in CDs of his original scores and they said ggp making it done make a John Williams score for Indiana Jones at the dial of Destiny Chad GPT wrote the script of this movie too by the way that's why it's a little wonky in parts and a couple scenes are repetitive they didn't quite get it right that's really good but ai's almost there and then it went haywire in the third act the machine broke down and it's the best part of the movie that really was it was a a subversion though in the best possible way yes and I guess we should say when we say it's the best part of the movie we're saying it in like a schlock way like tongue-in-cheek yeah because the movie is pretty forgettable and generic and overly long and then you get to the third act and I perked up when they're they're flying the the destiny as we all knew it's a time travel device and they're flying towards the portal and Indiana Jones is like uh uh what does he say he's saying like you're not going because they're trying to go back ladies couldn't have known about continental drift he didn't he didn't factor that into his equations we're not going to 1939 and for the first time in the movie I was like I don't know where this is going and this is interesting yeah yeah yeah yeah the only time in the movie I like perked up like it really is at that point I wouldn't have been shocked if we saw dinosaurs I was half expecting dinosaurs almost there maybe a Megalodon Indiana Jones and the samurai there's something like I don't know more appropriate like it is silly because no it was amazing no no no let me let me let me explain like okay the premise is there's a there's a Archimedes there's a little like mathematician man um and he made a like they found that what's that real thing the clock I don't know it has a name but they found like some kind of weird Clockwork gear thing yeah ancient Greece at a time when something like that should not exist and they still don't know what the [ __ ] it is yes and this is based on that yeah um and so Archimedes like figured out that the planets don't rotate exactly perfect and when it's awful little that's when a Time fissure opens somewhere in the sky I guess um and the the little clock dial will tell you when it opens uh and so that's the the premise and Nazi man Hans Mickelson uh wants to go back to 1939 and kind of redo the war he wants to kill Hitler he'll take his place because he knows where Hitler went wrong yeah which is the misdirection is is clearly okay they're gonna go back to World War II again and we're gonna get more de-aged Indie and maybe they're gonna kill old Indie off so but young indie's gonna be there I thought we were gonna have a fight scene where old Indian young Indie have to team up yeah I thought that's where we were going uh but so they're out of the Nazi aircrafts and everyone puts out their Nazi costumes to fly back to 1939. um and uh so yeah they're gonna fly through the time portal and I just I I didn't even think they were gonna make it I thought something was going to happen that kind of stops because that's too ridiculous for one of these movies it's too ridiculous and and the Indiana Jones movies like there's weird mystical magical things that happen but you never really quite know exactly what it was and I didn't think like they were literally going to do time travel but then they do they go to ancient [ __ ] Greece which is absolutely insane when they're being attacked by Romans Nazis suit him down at Romans Nazis Nazis versus Roman soldiers is where this movie ends up right and I kind of love it it was it was amazing it was so ridiculous there's no reason why they start shooting at them I guess they're throwing they're shooting arrows because they're shooting there's the Greeks think that they're the Roman they call them like they're dragons or something so they have dragons so they think that they're Roman um uh Weaponry so they're yeah they're throwing Spirit shooting Spears at them so yeah I guess they're defending themselves yeah somehow this is a shooting machine gun which turns into absolute schlock and I loved every second that's what we need well that's yeah it was I mean it was ridiculous but at least it was like fun it wasn't a slog like the rest of the movie where we're just repeating the same type of Beats from the other Indiana Jones movies if they had got us to that ending faster cut out the train sequence no digital de-aging of Harrison Ford whatsoever started in 1969 have him bumbling around a couple of uh you know real world action sequences car chases the the submar the scuba diving thing just cut an hour out yeah yeah and get us to that time portal and have it be 91 minutes it would have been really great so it's two and a half hours long the franchise is based on the cereals it should be action set piece into the next action set piece quick quick and I think most people are probably gonna hate the stuff at the end because time travel's so stupid but it's like hey it saved the movie for me it wasn't good but at least it was something it was wild and unexpected and even though time travel itself is silly they kind of sold it and I believed it it was done in the best way possible yeah and and it also was in world because you know Archimedes was the the guy who invented the dial and they go back to when he's there and it's historical when Indiana Jones met a UFO oh yeah and an alien came alive from crystals and fried Kate blanchett's brain whatever the hell is happening at the end of that something happened and I'm like aliens yeah just not that's not right or or the George Lucas had a a an idea um for the second Indiana Jones film was Indiana Jones in a haunted house this is a legendary story oh I've heard it and Spielberg was like no and so like that's that's the kind of stuff like but going back in time to like a big historical battle uh the Antiquity kind of era like it makes sense it works in a strange way even though it's silly yeah it was fun that they introduced is that a causality loop yeah because they go they find his his dead body and they're like he has a watch watches for you know time clocks weren't invented for another thousand years it wasn't a true cause alley Luke because he was already building the yeah the dial of Destiny I guess it's a little murky there but that's he gets the watch if he wasn't and he they gave it to him and then he's like what's this then it's a causality it's a loop but it's not a loop that causes itself okay yeah yeah if the dial that Archimedes gets in the past is the same dial like Governor that would have been uh that's what I thought they were doing but then they say like yeah he already was making it they showed him making half of it and it's like a half done yeah if he if yeah if they just had handed it to him and he's like what that's where he got it he got it from them that would have been a which would have been fun they kind of muck that up I guess yeah they did yeah because then the the dial of Destiny no one invented it and then it [ __ ] with your head you know that's yeah like Terminator Terminator right I just thought of something you know the other strange thing about this movie is I think it's the only time Indy ever successfully gets the McGuffin and keeps it hmm it's in his [ __ ] living room at the end of this movie yeah because usually it's about I mean the end of Last Crusade [Music] Indy Let It Go like that's kind of the point is he gives the stone back the government takes the ark yeah yeah I guess that's part of the since this is supposed to be the last one that's meant to be kind of a he finally got one he finally got something he didn't go back in time and bring his son back to life that's another thing I was worried they were because he has that scene like halfway through the movie oh yeah his little emotional scene where he's like I'd go back and tell my son not to enlist I was like are they gonna do that at the end but luckily they didn't nobody's gonna believe it I am so excited to see this movie we've been waiting for this one a long time it is our Grail we are waiting for this movie to come out and a graceful ending for our favorite hero who does this appeal to 40 year old dudes they're they're I was trying to think of the demographic in our theater there's some [ __ ] old lady that kept walking back and forth in front of us she had bladder she had bladder problems she she was like 79 years old and she had a heart a hunchback and she blocked our iMac screen she was so big she was 30 when Raiders came out huge fresh in Harrison Ford there were some kids there those kids were bored as [ __ ] it was like the parents dragged eight children to the movie yeah and there's a bunch of odds and ends but yeah I don't know Zoomers no they don't want to watch this they should have just called this movie The Super Mario Brothers movie oh just do it [ __ ] it I'm gonna filled the theater see that like that has its like super targeted audience yeah it's like little kids Mario has like a super Renaissance it appeals to many generations people said literally everyone and every child in the world wants to see Mario and Luigi run around on screen yeah 88 year old Harrison Ford is an action hero and some kind of franchise like it's the few gen xers who aren't too jaded that they don't care anymore yeah yeah and then you know maybe yeah 50 year old men and well maybe some older people like if you go during the day any kind of elderly is going to be there they watch any movie so that's true it's a bad like sample to take for our study but you'd have to go on like a Saturday night at like eight o'clock and see who's there you know our teenager is gonna go 20 somethings on a date to see this I don't know are you gonna watch something else I have no idea don't know what they do they're too busy watching Grimace shake memes on Tick Tock yeah I think they'll be in the have you seen these by the way have you seen the Grimace shake memes all right y'all I got this new Grimace Shake I'm excited to try it first time trying it let's see how it tastes honestly like the Grimace character from well the Grimace came back they brought the Grimace shake for grimace's birthday whatever that means and so now it's a trend and it reminded me of like a purple Shake yeah it's I don't know it's some sort of berry does it taste like Grimace it tastes like you know what Grimace tastes like only Ronald McDonald does but no it reminds me of the uh no brand con video we're like oh gotta check out some Ming and then hard cuts to you Dad on the ground whoa check out all these brand con this year happy birthday girls that's pretty good hard cut to them dead on the ground surrounded by Grimace Shake they're actually kind of amazing I got um these Zoomers stole our bit they did they stole her a bit we didn't spit before they were born it's far more entertaining than the two and a half hour Indiana Jones movie shout out to Grimace happy birthday let's try it out oh my gosh it's literally so good so so okay so young people in the theater watching Grimace Shake videos they look up when they hear a punch sound right yeah there's like two in this movie he doesn't punch people but there's punch sounds you even get the uh the Millennium Falcon dying sound yeah and there's a real Helm in there I'm sure there was earlier I think they like pitched it differently at like a lower pitch so it wasn't as recognizable who cares none of the other sounds are up to benberg quality though so they all sounded out of place when they happened that doesn't sound like the rest of this movie that's just a reference to be fair you're being attuned to these things most people are most people aren't thinking about that to be fair though the movie isn't full of member berries not really no just so Salah comes back and that there's a couple like random references to I've seen Voodoo little things Oh The Blood of Kali yeah he mentions that um but it's mostly just its own adventure I guess so he kept his mouth shut because he's like he's like yeah do you you don't believe in magic you know and he's like I've seen some crazy [ __ ] I don't know what the [ __ ] I saw but yeah and it's like he could have listed a whole bunch of crazy stuff it's true yeah I opened the Ark of the Covenant and the god killed a bunch of Nazis a bunch of energy flew out and but I guess he literally didn't see what happened yeah yeah but he knows something [ __ ] happens they were all gone they could have just like ran away I suppose you're right yes like it scooped up everything even melted people he didn't see them getting zapped with electricity and their eyes burning um so yeah and it scooped them all back up shuffle them around in the air and shoved them back down in the ark and pile of dust like this well a lot yeah a lot of the humor didn't land there's that part uh oh God when the the they're in Tangiers the they're in Morocco and the Moroccan police show up remember they just got in that big fight and they're outside yeah yeah and then they all Point guns at them and he goes look guys put your guns away and they'll put their guns away and they run away because they're scared because the Mobsters are showing up and I think that was supposed to be a joke but it just it didn't work because we didn't understand that the gangsters were supposed to be intimidating we didn't know who that was that was people didn't show up at a car yeah right and and we it was it's like getting the punch line after like five minutes after they told you the punch liner I don't know how to they do the setup after the punch line yeah I guess because I don't know how to uh explain that but it just didn't work we need to know that who is pulling up is a threat before they pull up and that doesn't happen yeah I think I think if you flip the camera around and freebie Waller Bridge looks oh my God it's my boyfriend and he's in the the Moroccan Mafia and then and then they pull up and they all have guns out and then Harrisonburg goes look guys you know and they're all behind him aiming guns put put your guns down police yeah you know and then you cut to the police and they run away and Harrison Ford goes yeah it turns around goes what it was just the way that it was shot so James Mangold might be a good uh director of certain things but not comedy shooting and Framing and setup payoff kind of thing didn't work which is an important part of these movies because they are all funny movies yes they're action movies but they're they're they're lighthearted and fun yeah there's humor there's not a lot of humor in this movie no there's a few attempts but there's long stretches where it's just very dry there was that weird part too when they uh Harrison the the the Apollo 11 parades happening and it's being trailed by like a Vietnam war protest and he runs out into the Vietnam war protest and he starts saying like hell no we won't go yeah he gets them all to start chances but they're already chanting and how does that help was that yeah yeah it's not distracting because attracted yeah it's like what yeah what are you doing did that help what are you doing and then he just grabs a sign and he smacks the guy with the sign like he could have just done that in the first place without starting a chant his son died in Vietnam so maybe he's just strictly anti-war and he just wanted to join in but it seemed like he seemed like he was doing it to distract the setting up for a distraction yeah that never happened or it was already happening and he didn't need to set up I was like yeah say if all the hippies were sitting in like a circle like like just going like this right and then um he runs out and he has no place to hide and and there's guys coming after him and he goes hippies what about that Vietnam War doesn't that suck hell no we won't go in there yeah that's right that old guy's right and they all get up and they start going like this kind of like the diner fight and yeah the diner fight that's my boyfriend right who directed that movie oh that was Steven Smith um where where things are calm but you create a distraction yeah and use the distraction as subterfuge to hide behind when there's already a distraction you cannot create a distraction on top of that he made it more of a distraction because certainly benefited they were attending something different instead of going no war no they say they were saying Hell no we won't go and then he grabs the sign and hits the guy with the sign fall flat humor fall flat it was kind of funny when he's riding the horse that he passes the astronauts though and they're just like well yeah not funny not haha funny but look cute cute yeah in a way that some of them like Indiana like uh Alaska said Hitler signs the book yeah that type of stuff situation that was also very much better executed the one directed by Spielberg was better executed yes yeah yes okay Indie thinks Hitler has caught him yes and he knows who he is but Hitler has no idea who he is and then Hitler grabs the [ __ ] McGuffin out of his hand oh no Hitler has the diary it's a great scene it's a great and then he autographs it and heads back do you remember when the do you remember when when the when the bad guy from the first one when he comes in Marion's in the tent and he starts taking out the thing with a chance and it's a coat hanger that was a good that who directed that yeah you just hate James I don't hate James bengold I know very little about James Mangold I I liked Logan a lot but that wasn't a funny movie yeah and it was a good it's a very dower movie it's a very very dark movie and this Indiana Jones are supposed to have an element of light-heartedness to them and the the way that the comedic scenes are structured and and played out and executed needs to be spot on yeah there's also that bit when they're they're going through the caves oh it's all starting to fall apart now isn't it at least they flew into the past the bugs because it's like well we gotta have a scene with gross creatures so they get covered in bugs for two seconds and then they brush them off and then it just continues pointless it's pointless yeah but it's like well you got to put that in there and let's uh and the CGI bugs nowhere near the same visceral reaction no no no compared to anything in like Temple of Doom but we let's revisit the bugs in the Temple of Doom they weren't just ooh bugs yeah there are bugs and the only person who could save them from a spike trap was a very dainty lady who has been established to hate everything in the jungle terrified of everything that's vampire bats bugs iguana growlsater like she's scared of everything and she's the one who has to stick her hand in think of bugs pull the lever that's that's who has to save Indiana Jones in Short Round And that's that's a scene that's a gag and a scene that's a gag and a scene and it's motivated and you're on your edge of your seat because you're like oh God we've we know what's there because India oh what's what's I step on something yeah there's something on the ground I feel that's different fortune cookies and then Indiana lights the the match you know oh God and they see that there's trillions of bugs so we know that he set it up they're in the spike room the only way to save them is Willie Scott hey they set up the eels in this by saying hey there's eels down there and then his clever way of getting out of the eels is just kind of flailing around we are going to die so would you recommend would either of you recommend seeing this in the theater is this a theater going experience there is not a theater going experience it's an experience that needs to have an hour cut out of it and then it's okay just watch it on Disney Plus in six months yeah yeah but I don't hate it I definitely don't hate it it's too bland to hate like there's nothing terrible in it it's just forgettable yeah I I yeah I don't think it's worth seeing this no there's no standout moment like like the Tarzan scene that really like cringe you but it's just too long and kind of bland and repetitive yes like point A to point B to point C to point D like one step ahead of the bad guys eventually that you know they're gonna get there and then the the set pieces were a little dull point A to B to C to D would work if it were fun A to B fun action sequence a fun action sequence B defund but it was Bland actions you got to go to point A to point B to point x to point L that you gotta throw a curveball in there it can't just be like yeah that's the whole middle of this movie there's another new information revealed they call it a plot twist and it comes somewhere in the middle of the movie like some [ __ ] that you didn't expect to happen like well let me ask you this commands Michaelson is not a Nazi it's a different guy and really the people who are looking for the dial of Destiny is the the [ __ ] FBI and they want to bring back Kennedy you know what I mean that's a plot twist but he was Archimedes sure he's time traveling yes sir he pulls his mask off how much Archimedes look like he just wants to style back oh okay yeah yeah yeah okay he just had he happened to look like the Nazi no no he gives his time travels he was also the Nazi oh okay sure yeah but we know uh Matt is Michelson Nicholson mads Mickelson he was in uh like Rogue one or one of the Star Wars things oh yeah yeah is Bond villain and a Indie villain so we know he wants the dial of Destiny to to save Nazis you know from the first scene we know from the first scene and that's his goal and indy wants him to not get the dial of Destiny and then we watch that for two hours that's the plot and we there's a little bit of character interaction with him and his goddaughter um but maybe that's what they were hoping would suck people in that they're funny I I don't change like Sean Connery but maybe if we're shorter that would have worked better and so I would uh probably say skip this in the theaters yeah skip it in the theaters it might be fine to watch in Disney plus skip skip through when it gets slow fast forward anytime the action starts yeah which is what you want in an extra movie what are we supposed to get out of this he's gonna give me the last 10 minutes just watch the last 10 minutes of the movie a few minutes of like Elation when the Nazis are machine gunning Roman soldiers from a giant flight that's it that's all I got it maybe when Harrison Ford rides past the Apollo 11 astronauts it was that's it yeah those are the takeaways he had a six second movie keep up the good work lucasfilm can't wait for Willow season two oh they just pulled that from existence they used the dial of Destiny Paramount plus wants to dial a destiny next I'm gonna get rid of that grease show please Star Trek Prodigy erased from existence Willows currently fighting Greek soldiers [Laughter] multiverses are all their age now you have a movie that's the Multiverse of all the canceled shows right all the shows that are pulled from streaming services they all get sucked into it like another dimension and they have to fight dinosaurs or something yeah the Pink Ladies and special Prodigy characters Willow Warwick Davis is there with the spear the streaming triangle yeah yes yes we've got to fight our way back on the streaming service Willow come on bye

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 1,800,642

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans

Id: VKfOQQfcpaQ

Length: 54min 48sec (3288 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 03 2023