Everything Wrong With I Robot In 14 Minutes Or Less

reading Oh lots of reading and legalese reading at that honestly all this robot law reading [ __ ] might as well just be production logos that's how much attention I'm paying it also all these laws seem to only revolve around bodily harm or death to humans and nothing else maybe Isaac Asimov watched the purge and Futurama back to back I'm not sure but you think he put something else in there regarding ethics God gave us humans ten laws and only one of them was don't hurt each other name character wakes up from a nightmare cliche incorrectly eating pie also it's alarming how easily this movie is opening few minutes of Will Smith doing could substitute for the opening few minutes Will Smith doing bid and I am Legend alarming I tells you also showering without a shower curtain how does anything stay dry in that bathroom into hell out in my face can you can hate robots that's fine but don't you want your package honestly like let's be truthful with each other here that hat is the worst thing about this movie and yes I know the movie is a giant turd that's how bad that hat is excuse me so main characters disdain for robots absolutely hammered home by the 4-minute mark if you've come for subtlety oh hell no also if the robots have all the jobs what's the unemployment rate like in 2035 closing in on 50% goddamnit young Shia LeBeouf dragged this movie into him did he stop cussing cuz you're not good at it that's for sure but still he said let me borrow your damn ass keys which is more an assault on basic grammar than it is an assault on cussing actually he barely even cussed whatever I already hate this movie thanks going movie at the beginning of Spooner's sneaky crawl he's only at the second opening in the hallway but as soon as Gigi says you talk to Marcy he makes it all the way to the stairs making Spooner the fastest stealth crawler in the world congratulations when I was coming up we didn't just marry someone then divorce them then not talk to them uh old granny you're as stuffed with x position as you are old potato pie why the hell does he keep eating pie like this I don't know I don't live in the future but isn't assuming a running robot carrying a purse is a thief kind of a huge leap in logic stop this robot is violating the second law you've already forgotten the laws you say me too this is a long-ass parking garage I think it's about time we recognized Will Smith's Tom Cruise likability to run in most of his movies men in black man in black - I am Legend iRobot bad boys bad boys - and he made the state Hancock Suicide Squad you alright character development via eyewitnesses but since she's right I'm mostly ok with this he is an [ __ ] how many robots if ever / - first to be fair snatching a purse is not in violation of any of the laws theft isn't technically harmful and when you're a robot everything is technical discounts Dark Tower Khalifa I'm sorry my responses are limited you must ask the right question dr. Lanning programmed his response hologram to be just ambiguous enough to move the plot forward just a little bit during each interaction because nothing makes a movie more interesting than a scavenger hunt why would you kill yourself that Detective it's the right question yet we still don't receive an answer program terminated how and why did you record a program of your future interaction with a detective investigating your death before I'll forget it this movie's IMDB score is low enough I bet I can fake my way through this genre for the coffee sugar ah oh you thought I was calling you sugar ladies and gentlemen comedy uh maybe you simply would have banned the internet to keep the libraries open you mother [ __ ] closed the library's monsters that's the most [ __ ] up thing in this entire movie lawrence told me to accommodate you in any way possible really being pretty rapey little-known fact tom brady left girlfriend and baby mama Bridget Moynahan for Gisele because of how bad this movie turned out true story Danny Amendola told me apologies there appears to be data corruption so no video of the suicide murder great might as well be set in the 50s based on the evidence he has to go on also Spooner who has been overly suspicious of everything thus far glosses over the data corruption excuse without any further questioning or investigating every time he puts on the Hat this mother takes the extra time to ensure the left side is covering 30% of his ear and it's maybe the most annoying thing ever not having vertigo not these laws they're hardwired into every robot how are they hardwired exactly are there three separate first second and third law wires that are installed a robot can no more commit murder than a human could walk on water you know there was this one guy stealing the if he's not guilty why did he run motive from every episode of Matlock ever holy robots constructed to serve coffee and B Butler's were also constructed to survive 18 story jumps and mostly I'm just asking why he got down here that fast King no not bloody likely Jesus thank God he hit the whatever with his bullet that conveniently drips out liquid mercury one drop at a time so he could track this thing I mean imagine if that hadn't happened you've heard it badly badly is an adverb meaning that the method Will Smith used to hurt the robot was poor when what you mean to say is that the robots wounds are severe do you see me on the phone all the more reason you shouldn't be driving audible skidding sounds from a hovering car so where is everybody this facility was designed built and it's operated mechanically so are you the first humans ever to set foot here where are the checks and balances people I want to trust robots as much as the next guy but I can't do that as long as I know you're letting them run this free I give robots super-strength you're just asking for an army of passionless creatures that can't be defeated all of those swamp team bullets managed to miss insert stormtrooper joke here all those bullets and you simply needed to think like spider-man to bring him down what if I'm right after several minutes of the boss explaining how stupidest theory was this guy still changes set bosses mind with a simple one if I'm right if everyone believes that this robot doesn't have the capacity to kill then I guess these six guards are actually just an acapella group or something my father tried to teach me human emotions they are difficult I'm going to choose this moment here among many to praise Alan Tariq for his performance in this film as the robot and we'll take two sins off a movie I know we'll go on to earn enough for that to sin reduction to not affect the ultimate score but still show respect for an actor who is great can a robot write a symphony probably yeah maybe even a kick-ass one I think maybe your anti robot prejudice is making you stay some stupid haha super tiny cell phones of the future imagine struggling to tell the difference between your phone and your flash drive that's the future there isn't some hard kill switch on these robots even data on Star Trek had an off button meanwhile at the Ovaltine kept wait hopeful teen cafe what the [ __ ] you want to call your grandmother because I will you know how cop bosses talk to their detectives turtle 4650 inflation demolition scheduled for 8 a.m. Spooner doesn't question why this is going to be demolished it's a large mansion still fully furnished and contains dr. landings personal materials and possibly very useful information yet USR is going to destroy it and no one's going to worry about it detective spoon spooner still has access to landing channels for some reason I've always been ghosts in the machine roll croteau wait wrong movie stored bait it will smith learn nothing of the usefulness of cats from his time on men in black this cat somehow doesn't scratch off Will Smith's face during the sequence suggesting the movie has never cat it this thing just broke through the hallway window upstairs at a good forty feet from here not only do I not think it can move fast enough to be here right now it also seems to be destroying the house based on what room Will Smith is it which is absurd also he survives this and everything else that happens in this scene which is some astronomical [ __ ] like this for example I mean did you see that even the cat is James Bond right now Jesus the English language has no words for how much this pissed me off therefore I will resort to French shakin City as said it will bless their cool slow Jack gets it that Connery also most convenient mote bond ever also this cat just went through all that and then got dunked underwater and still has not clawed out even a single one Will Smith's eyes also this cat was definitely covered in water for the sake of this scene which if you know cats basically qualifies as animal torture but as long as no horses were harmed in the making of this movie I guess we don't care how does he know where she lives what happened to you Calvin says this instead of why are you at my house we just met this morning and I don't like it he postulated that every conversation between these two goes like this Spooner asks a specific question Calvin gives Spooner a ridiculously complicated answer Spooner goes what and Calvin scoffs and says it normally they do this because she's a smart person he's a dumb person and run-time suggested that robots might naturally evolve awesome you still went through with making him look you want something to be wrong with them this is a personal vendetta maybe but as a woman of science that shouldn't matter he has evidence enough to form a hypothesis just let him work it out yep you are the dumbest smart person I have ever met in my life well you've clearly never met Kristen I mean me Chris will be mad if I make that joke about him but I'm concerned it's not funny enough if I make it about me maybe Barret ah Will Smith makes pretending to drink whiskey look like an impossible task if robots aren't supposed to have emotions then why does this one look so sad yes hello I'd like to report a complaint regarding my ns5 it keeps giving me seductive looks while it chops phallic vegetables future security systems don't need your fingerprint or your eye scan just the butt end of a balled up fist somehow u.s. our mainframe accessing mainframes and doing general detective work while driving at a high rate of speed it's convenient that there are no other drivers on this interstate that runs through urban Chicago so these giant robot truck could attack in this formation oh hell no it's not a Will Smith movie if he doesn't say aw hell no or I mean damn you think that they'd come up with a less expensive way to try and kill Spooner but it seems like they went with the most expensive way thankfully for the viewer whenever a robot has turned evil in this movie his chest glows red instead of blue and while the movie has no explanation for that mine is quite simple the movie sucks balls and thinks the viewers are all morons not only is this car spin at high speed problematic in the world of logic it also somehow doesn't result in all the robots flying off which is even more problematic yeah he's totally passed down after these excessive g-forces no question about it except for the movie totally glossing over it and keeping him coherent well he's not a robot and is the main character so I guess he survives this even though that's anger inducing levels of bull I just threw up and that's the sin holy Sh he's one of them he's one of them and by that I mean most predictable thing ever sunny has the Three Laws but he can choose not to obey them sounds kind of like the Three Laws don't mean doesn't it play I guess in the future it's not rude just to walk into someone's house and play with her stereo okay he has a robot arm and that's all great still doesn't explain his unhinged hatred of robots or how he was able to spray paint his arm back together but whatever I'm wild by your side - movie Sarah this was hers so you kept and are wearing the necklace of one of the victims of the car crash that cost you your arm yeah that's normal Jesus how did you even get this without stealing it from the morgue so Will Smith's character hates robots because they saved him instead of the little girl fine I understand that motivation but my question is why did that robot save him instead of the girl well I know what they say about old dogs no not really right this society has autonomous robots but hasn't downloaded basic Wikipedia knowledge into their brain so they can understand idioms right I had hoped you would come to think of me as your friend even though the last interaction they had sunny tried to kill him he's still an optimist his name is sunny for Christ's sake I'm sorry I'm allergic to [ __ ] hey [ __ ] that's my line I'm so sorry Sonny what are you sorry about his recent malfunctioning Jesus movie these are robots and 95% of humans would not get attached to them lit hurt why did these humans program this robot with the concept of pain why the who are you wearing sunglasses it's a nighttime dude why is it that when robots are stored in an empty space they will group together rather than stand alone why are they all still on and how did they not run out of power in those crates the three laws apparently led to robot chaos fine but why did said robot chaos begin without warning and evolved within minutes into a scene out of gangs of New York upon seeing a single human these robots stopped beating up other robots and collectively chase said human because reasons why were they beating up other robots just before this only to shift into human hating mode on a dime do they no longer want to be robot ass as well oh I see half the reject homeless robots still value human life while the other half of the ball to rightfully hate human life do I have that right why does the three laws programming only affect infect half the robot population and reluctantly Bridget Moynahan signed the divorce papers I mean contract knowing it contained and Exploited of steamy shower scene not gonna lie totally forgot Shia was in this that's how unimportant his character is instead of completely wind blocking or rip breaking this [ __ ] this robot just punched merely throws him back 15 yards and causes him to make a concern facial expression wait when we last left her she was half naked coming out of the shower and realizing her personal robot was going to kill her now we cut to this the cabin in between this crowd of stupid humans marching on the robots has seen V for Vendetta one too many times stupid humans forever somehow gets to be the leader of the impossibly colossal Chicago Tea mob hasn't that boy lesson Spooner runs into one of the three people he knows during the robot riot some bullsh this chick fires this machine gun like this and somehow only hits the bad robot which is actually preposterous did you just shoot at me with guys close well I worked in it here's some more ridiculous results-oriented thinking just because it work does not mean it wasn't a stupidest [ __ ] hell decision sudden trapdoor entrances both completely out of nowhere and out of the sight line of the red robot and a huge [ __ ] ex machina service areas no surveillance because why would we ever want to keep tabs on those servicing our super high-tech robot lab building 2880 stats detective movie is telling me they walked up all those steps without even being slightly winded or sweaty are we sure they aren't all robots this thing's basically the metal baby face from Matrix Revolutions I would prefer not to kill dr. Calvin yep this robot is still human it picked up and assimilated the wink when your lying thing from 7th grade kids interactions Spooner in the gang are able to move freely in the US our headquarters despite Vicky's omnipotence just don't look down don't look down that's for building planning he's right but that doesn't mean I'm not gonna send this movie for this building's poor planning this works for some reason thank you for this vertigo-inducing camera swoop guy who will clearly go on to direct or at least inspire a ninja turtles movie this is awesome but why is sunny so much better fighting than the other robots again with the Vertigo camera twirl Jesus Alex Proyas you make good movies once upon a time got you so obsessed with a swirly camera because it's annoying will you make sure dr. Calvin devolves into Mary Jane Watson by the finale um what is this glowing center pillar made of and why can he kind of grab it and slow his descent and what does it made of and why does this movie hate me think that's what dr. Lanning would have wanted oh the landing who created a supercomputer that instigated a robot uprising and killed himself thus avoiding any moral or legal fallout from that you know apocalypse scenario yet planning and sunny became robot Jesus to the other robots and he saw that it was good just what do you think you're doing day there is a robot in this formation that does not belong identify it I am bender please insert girder eighteen hundred thousand do it over there got one I can respect that my good shirt er I'm sorry give me sugar

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 8,680,708

Keywords: cinema sins, review, wave jockey job, movie, eww, i robot, everything wrong with, mistakes, cinemasins, will smith

Id: AZqRnWO9IQw

Length: 14min 49sec (889 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 29 2016