Everything Wrong With Batman Forever In 18 Minutes Or Less

back in 1995 you thought i really like tim burton and joel schumacher made lost boys which no one realizes is terrible yet so maybe i can get into this bat bulge dc comics can i persuade you to take a sandwich with you sir i'll get drive-through ah jokey batman is back ladies and gentlemen it's why we flocked so hard to the tim burton once right joel schumacher dutch angles the [ __ ] out of this downtown crime scene this ain't your big brother's batman folks harvey dunn is looking considerably whiter than the last time i saw it i'm fine with not seeing his origin story even though this entire series shows every villain's transformation except his i just want to know what happened to billy dee williams man [Music] the director said nicole just make the face you made the first time you saw tom cruise's bank account balance the second bank of gotham on the second anniversary of the day i captured him how could two-face resist to overload she specializes in abnormal psychology batman is addict to people finishing their sentences insightful naive but insightful bat-handed compliments two-face somehow knew this demolition ball would come within 12 inches of him without hurting him but the guy is batman do you think this simple shoot the elevator trick has a chance whatever happens during a thing and an incident occurs it's a trap oh man you just made me think of general ackbar which makes me think of lando calrissian which makes me even sadder that billy dee didn't make it into this movie oh no oh no i can definitely tell what it is by sight and can narrate it also you could have at least made the acid fall from a different height so that it would be pouring on them right now instead of below them where you have to wait for the safe to fill up before it does damage hey that's my hearing aid how convenient if only two-face had killed you instead of the other two guys then this stupid plan would have worked my shoes are melting you ever watch a movie with a victim you actually hope doesn't make it psychiatrist chase meridian is among the first police officers on the scene wait she's not a [ __ ] cop gotham is looking considerably more statuesque statuephilic maybe than the last time i saw it everyone survives this yes yes yes who face takes an empty dangling chain to mean that batman is definitely dead gotham a metaphorical stand-in for new york city is literally turned into new york city and of course statue of liberty is destroyed ripoff gotham statue of liberty's face resembles mine after watching this movie's first 12 minutes the clutter of this gotham is insane but mostly the problem is that it looks fake edward enigma has a serial killer style bruce wayne try inside wayne enterprises edward enigma my parents knew i would need a riddler-esque name when i was born so your name was on the hiring slip i have it bruce wayne for all his genius does not have particularly good hiring standards chair i wonder how many times bruce has accidentally fallen down the tunnel with this voice command geez if any [ __ ] can use this signal then surely other [ __ ] could lure batman to this rooftop and try to ambush him you know without concocting a safe full of acid plan last night at the bank i noticed something about two-face his coin it's his achilles heel you did not notice two-face's [ __ ] coin you are all the way down here furthermore his achilles heel is that he comes up with stupid-ass plants not the coin flipping the bat signal is not a beeper well i wish i could say that my interest in you was purely professional betty call that just happened in a goddamn batman movie you like strong women i've done my homework or do i need skin tight vinyl and whip well being michelle pfeiffer helps too women that's racist ladies and gentlemen riddler ventura mask detective everything about how the schumacher batmans are shot tell you we shot this in an abandoned studio after the haunted house tour was over you remember that movie edward that i can't remember who directed and then i'm too lazy to go check imdb for reference it's kind of like what tim burton was telling us about ed wood movie unintentionally scripts the best scene from bruce almighty eight years ahead of time riddle me this fred movie turns actual genius riddler character into [ __ ] cartoon of a geek you are going up on charges to court to jail fred threatens a clearly psychotic person while tied to a chair enigma shoves his boss here and then appears shocked and surprised when his boss doesn't go over the edge my question is why did he not remove the helmet on his boss that is clearly half the reason his invention works he's going to need that wait does wayne enterprises also serve as a dam where is the water source pumping through gotham instead of killing his boss enigma chooses to let gravity decide this was horribly scarred by underworld kingpin boss moroni who despite lack security decided to smuggle a bottle of acid instead of a gun into the courtroom also gnn was there covering the case and was able to set up multi-camera coverage of the event to capture all the angles although bad man tried to save him you know because he's also batman in the middle of the day and shows up regularly to court he was there and despite the obvious way moroni was preparing this attack batman was slow he was like my father man you don't realize until you re-watch this thing how egregious the gym carriness of it all really is this is last night's security log how the [ __ ] did nigma create video footage that does not exist i understand maybe erasing the footage but this is some [ __ ] here even for this [ __ ] movie if you look at the numbers on my face you won't find 13 anyplace the answer is a clock well clearly you and the riddler haven't read 1984 bruce who would send you a riddle that maggie is the riddle yeah because it certainly wasn't that easy clock [ __ ] [Applause] crisscross will make you wash dry oh man they dragged the flaming lips into this didn't they good thing nigma was already obsessed with a specific green question mark costume prior to his transformation into the riddler phew that's pretty handy actually outside of wayne manor does not capture video footage of nigma delivering riddler letter somehow i don't mean to be a dick but custom question mark printed mailing envelopes how has nigma not busted already i mean he obviously went to kinko's obvious sounds of punching a heavy bag come from chase's office but bruce will knock the door down trying to save her because batman is terrible at hearing oh that's a horse shack mr wayne an ink blot people see what they want but it's obviously a bat so shut your psychology trap tell me doctor do you like the circus so this three-minute scene where bruce asked questions he already knew the answer to was just so he could ask chase out and earlier chase wasted everyone's time telling him stuff he already knew to seduce him will you guys just go ahead and already hey it's 1995. has jurassic park come out and dazzled with visual and practical effects yet it has let's go the other direction fake as possible the flying graysons oh good more origin stories i was just sitting here thinking man this movie is good but it would be great if there was yet another character in it i've met someone that's fast work not really she's nicole kidman i heard chris o'donnell spent hours doing close-ups so they could cover up the fact that he couldn't do any of this acrobatics in the movie that's 200 sticks which would have been awesome to use against batman earlier when he was trapped in a safe but i went with acid right maybe the crowd is loud but your date right next to you heard that and on the other side is the gossip columnist so no it will then take another 20 seconds for this countdown clock to advance five seconds and another 12 seconds for the [ __ ] thing to detonate that was 200 sticks of tnt okay whatever you say a movie that hates my guts my stupid heroic no net flying circus family members are dead after we all help save the day face the circus must be halfway to metropolis by now it's not a batman movie if we're not unnecessarily reminded that bruce's parents were murdered is this a robin nope it's a nightwing but those things get confused from time to time my father said it was his hero i flew in like a robin robins of course being known for their amazing bravery and can-do attitude your father was right you had a hero i can tell because of the earring now that we've taken care of robin and why his name is robin and we've learned all the robin things here's secondary character batman fighting crime against two-bit villain two-face by the way what even got batman out here we knew he was bat-signaled but how did he end up getting chased by two faces men in some back alley somewhere that robin was so important i guess it glossed over the reason why batman was even called in the first place sure is sweet gotham is made of 80 statues and grotesques because one comes in handy at the top of some random wall at the end of an alley i don't know why such a decoration would be here but it seems to work for batman and that's what counts cars unable to catch up to batman decide we'll just run into the wall then each other and batman can outrun a fireball question mark man nepotism this is some of the worst fake typing i've ever seen an actor try to get away with a side of raw donkey meat raw donkey meat man batman shouldn't even worry about taking out this [ __ ] he's dead in a matter of days strictly due to diet why not humiliate him first riddler comes up with an idea to join forces with two-face and humiliate batman of course i thought edward nigma's beef was with bruce wayne and he doesn't know wayne as batman yet but excuse to get the two villains together is excuse villain team-up scene unintentionally helps [ __ ] up spider-man 3. whoa whoa he strode in here with nothing but a cane two minutes ago are you telling me he pre-hid his mind control devices in harvey's lair so he could pick them up dramatically here well good thing these diametrically opposed two-faced bimbos both have wbo owned properties on their mind this is how i found you let me demonstrate that doesn't answer the question you had to set this [ __ ] up somewhere to read two faces mine which means you would have had to know where to find two-face in the first place heads we accept entails we blow your damn man i wonder what it lands on oh man they're going to keep us in suspense aren't they no movie from 1995 dares to show you fast-paced ninja laundry sessions like batman forever that link is for the film editor another robbery perpetrated by the city's green suited menace resulting in millions and diamonds stolen with no sign of batman yeah why is that what the hell is bruce wayne been doing the past two nights i'll tell you what he's at home watching his tights also news media blames riddler for all these robberies but apparently no one ever saw two-face in the middle of all this this new criminal's pattern of marking his crimes with puzzles as gothamites calling him the riddler wow they collectively chose for him the same name he picked for himself that's amazing the eight of us go forth not back to protect our king from the foes attack this riddle is so easy it might as well be an instruction in the rules of chess the box how did this lava lamp blender thing with fins ever get named to the box edward nickmas 3d box has become the rage of gotham and no other city for some reason present-day sci-fi could slide this right into their original movie slate alongside sharknado and octopus and no one would notice it takes so long for this door to the batcave to close dick can do all the stunts that killed his family and still make it in in time during an intruder alert the batmobile platform still decides to rise and expose the batmobile as if it wants to confirm proof of batman dr chase meridian apparently lives inside a giant lung with a huge mural of an elf with breasts on the wall because schumacher my dreams are coming to me when i'm awake now those are called memory spruce or flashbacks iceman maverick will not be pleased at this development actually he took the car dick was still able to get in the batmobile and drive it even with the intruder alert worst security ever movie will not once try to explain how or why an aerial circus performer is a master of hand-to-hand combat it's your fault twoface blames batman for being two-faced robin blames batman for too faced killing his family hashtag obama i'm a part of this whether you like it or not and to prove that i'm part of this i'm now going to run up the steps away from this edward whatever i'm about to say will require the removal of my glasses movie inadvertently inspires facebook also batman's brain is the opening credits of the future spider-man duo focuses ex machida we're sick of waiting for you to deliver the batman dear boy yeah because delivering the batman is on a strict timetable that just couldn't wait random ass two-face minions are so laughably bad they should have just shown batman's entrance and cut straight to the next shot with all of them writing on the floor batman steals the indiana jones from raiders of the lost ark when you see how far batman has to jump to get down here there's no way this [ __ ] sees it so two-face concocted a plan to get batman to jump into this work area amazingly it works and what does he decide to do the [ __ ] tries to burn him with flaming gas this is one of the most inept criminal minds we have ever seen batman invented a cape that he should have donated to every fireman in the city instead it's for his own convenient personal use just this one time never seen before or since why can't you just die because you're worse than a bond villain batman survives this [ __ ] guy who just bemoaned how batman never dies is now going to leave without checking to make sure batman died happy music makes me angry wherever this [ __ ] came from never been in love before alfred ooh burn on vicky vickyville and selena kyle what's so special about dr chase meridian nothing we've seen in this movie so far suggests he's any better than those two previous women yeah i probably should look into this how chase feels about me situation before trying to learn any more about two-face and the riddler and now i have you and i'm wishing you or somebody else yeah but why didn't the person you know as bruce wayne leave you at a party while two-face shot the place up bruce never returned either so either you should have already figured this out or your feelings are for a guy who abandons you at the first sign of trouble either way sin for me i hope you can understand just to clarify this girl has broken up with bruce wayne because she had a lady boner for batman and now she's breaking up with batman because she has a lady boner for bruce wayne this article on the left is about a penny sales tax but i'd like to meet this prodigy child who won every award given did he win the oscar i bet he won the oscar also this main article about two-faced robbing nigbatek is actually about the murder of bruce wayne's parents which is weirdly wrong but close to the main topic and the article on the right is the same identical thing if you do find harvey and then you kill him what next god i feel like we've been over this territory twice already we get it already bruce's mansion is way out in the bum outstretches of gotham who the [ __ ] is coming out here for trick-or-treating oh why would bruce have any roses in his house if he's gonna flip out at the mere sight of them falling to the ground triggering his painful childhood memories this two-faced vehicle approaching reminds me how did the kids at the door getting candy right now get past the closed iron gate security at wayne manor continues to be a sore spot even after an [ __ ] named the riddler taped a riddle to his gate earlier in the movie you think you might want to plunk some change into a gate camera brucey alrighty then meanwhile these kids are walking miles from their homes to trick-or-treat here with nobody driving them around and with no adult supervision this [ __ ] is still flashing back and she's still worried about the mesh she made we just saw trick-or-treaters come up to the door get their candy and leave how is this still happening and then i fell down into what is now known as the bat cave no one even knew it was there despite the giant gaping hole in the ground and there deep in the shadows have is amazingly well lit for being underground and while it's dark outside and while it's raining i saw it was coming toward me and for whatever reason there was a giant spotlight shining in my eyes at the time i would ensure what happened to me would never happen to anyone else again except robin in this movie bruce what are you trying to tell me well it doesn't matter not in the least curious just put it inside me people has major design flaws but isn't it super lucky they found out bruce's secret just in time for halloween and the house apparently gets tons of trick-or-treaters the last time this intruder alert happened the computers came on by themselves and the batmobile arrived like it wanted to spill the beans now the riddler has to turn it on using this [ __ ] cane thing and if you want to tell me alfred was the one who turned on the computers last time why did he do it after the alarm sounded did two-face intend to graze bruce's forehead with this shot because that's the most amazing shot ever if that's the case don't kill him god damn it and twoface who has been nothing but obsessed with killing batman and knows bruce wayne is batman and is completely exposed is just going to allow this perhaps one and eight are eighteen eighteen is ah m r e how about mr e mystery it's kind of [ __ ] how you guys came to this conclusion especially since you had to figure out that the one and the eight are actually 18 but just being a little observant or having a security camera outside would have solved this mr e thing a long time ago bat ass by c or by air why not both in no world did you hear the question batman just asked from wherever you are also how did the riddler miss these things when he was bombing the entire batcave earlier who's your tailor i took the liberty sir what are you saying that after dick ran away from the mansion you built a suit for him because remember when he left he took the 1960s clothes with him and you didn't have any new suit lying around at the time so you knew he'd be back you just said master dick has run away just a couple hours ago ah what's that stand for a word no one's allowed to use anymore after tropic robin oh right it's that it's robin these guys went from shooting harpoons trying to kill robin to just trying to apprehend him which allows batman time for his lunacy rescue plan also batman turned his plane into a submarine just to drive it forward three feet and eject himself evil guy rubs his hands together to accentuate his evilness cliche holy rusted metal batman huh grown it's all metal it's full of holes you know holy well now it's dingy i mean dinghy why did two-face even bother to come out here batman is the guy he wants but as if he knows dick has a hard-on for revenge he comes out here to fight robin the four and me band he might be tempted to blame tommy lee jones performance on the general camp of the movie but this is way too far even for this movie he's out jim carrying jim carrey the absolute fabulous dr chase meridian batman's one and only partner you set all this up so that batman would have to choose to save chase or robin this was your plan all along ever since you prevented too faced from killing him when he had the chance but you couldn't possibly have known that robin was batman's partner because even batman didn't know until like 10 minutes ago you weren't around when robin saved batman from that pile of rocks earlier either so this [ __ ] plan cannot be not enough time to say them both in one scene movie inspires spider-man the dark knight the matrix reloaded and countless other movies good and bad to do the force the hero to choose between saving two things routine wait i have a riddle for you for me this works i see without seeing even if you're concentrating really hard on this riddle the stuff batman is doing is way too obvious to ignore all those heroics for nothing yeah well if you actually had the ability to kill anyone this might be a decent talk as such it's not i'd wonder how harvey got down here so fast since he was up top with them and they had to basically free fall to get here this fast but what's the damn point i understand batman might come up with the idea to make a replica two-face coin to use in some small odds attack against the villain but why dozens of them also that's murder batman knew what would happen when he tossed the coins and then did nothing to try and save harvey but whatever fun campy movie yo why can't i kill you you've tried killing him like one time this movie poor edward i had to save them both but the only reason you were able to save them both is because of riddler's stupid designs to have them fall in the same tunnel through two separate holes dr burton tells me director of the previous two batman movies is reduced to a character played by another actor in the third batman film and they lived happily ever after we asked this last time where is this where would they be running that has the bat signal shining horizontally down some tunnel nowhere that's where i'll kill you ever since cinema since began the most requested thing has been tv since and now it's a reality click the link in the description below to check it out and now the audio outtakes call it i can't call it for you gotta get a peter pan right here off of this damp right here killing two-face won't take the pain away it'll make it worse let's take it away to fade away he's not honest he's flying on rooftops like our previous winners whitman christ had a dad you remember them there they are and at this very moment they're basking under the maui's tongue i've met someone he's he's not you and i thought if he wanted me even if it was only for one night i was ready to give up everything so from this day on i'm spiderman no more wait a minute wait a minute [Music] it's party time p-a-r-t why because i gotta

Channel: CinemaSins

Views: 1,181,694

Rating: 4.9013958 out of 5

Keywords: eww, everything wrong with, review, cinema sins, batman forever, everything wrong with batman forever, cinemasins batman forever, wave jockey job, batman, cinemasins, movie review

Id: KRJTwRQdhPg

Length: 19min 54sec (1194 seconds)

Published: Sat Apr 20 2019