Batman Forever - Nostalgia Critic

this episode brought to you by the black tux premium rental suits and tuxedos delivered [Music] [Music] oh wow I'm the Nostalgia Critic I remember it so you don't have to on the outside of me Oh hot entrance critic however let you know that my interest in you isn't purely professional or do I need skin tight vinyl and a whip timbre your frigging professional why you simply acting so really horny I'm just representing how an out-of-touch gay man thinks of straight women ask why you suddenly a white guy and a very annoying one at that I'll tell you right after I finish mugging for the camera critic it's your old friend Joe oh the mocker the stell chickadees has gotten too dark for some viewers time I'm here to make it more kid-friendly colorful and nipple Isha's you won't get away with this mocker I know you don't like it but I was just doing what the studio demanded yeah but I apologize I'm just trying to do something more colorful for the kids oh you don't need to apologize I understand you're frustrated but why don't we sit down and talk about it over some herbal tea okay that does sound really nice though I won't let the fact that you're a decent human being get in front of the fact that you make horrible crap it's Earl Grey oh I look real great that's like my favorite no I need someone who won't fall for your kindness I need a geek an angry geek a lot angry geek blast really yeah I feel like there's a lot of angry geeks millions okay I don't know why he calls himself that either bonk calling [Music] my storage closet the whole time don't judge me very much ham all right knocker it's time it's time to put it into your insanity now don't be that way why don't I order us some lattes and we can sit down and discuss artistic styles and interpretations he is very nice we did an entire riff dress on how your style ruined Batman Forever you did yes and it's still available for anyone to purchase cameos by Mike Nelson Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett good times are just a back click away well that was recorded years ago you couldn't possibly find any Fault in Batman Forever now why I don't know I just needed a segue into the review yeah there's like a million jokes about this movie yeah we should probably just get to it Batman forever after the 1989 smash hit Batman producers were excited to see if the follow-up Batman Returns would deliver as big a financial punch the film didn't quite deliver what the studio wanted with many parents complaining it was too dark for children this resulted in child-friendly merchandise being pulled most notably McDonald's Happy Meal toys not wanting to go through that again the studio pushed director Tim Burton into a producing role and handed control over to Joel Schumacher he agreed to make the third installment Batman Forever more lighthearted and marketable and it seemed to pay off as it made more money than the previous installment Schumacher is best known for his following epic ice puns an ass but a lot of people ignore what a cluster of goofiness Batman Forever is seemingly giving it a pass we're here see if that pass is warranted or if it deserves to be tossed in the Snyder pile pile of what you know what let's take a look at this Bechet insanity with Batman Forever after being assaulted by the big names in this movie interpret that as you will we see Batman played this time by Val Kilmer getting ready to write a Batmobile so fat like that even HR Giger original design look less penis II and if you think they're not gonna over correct the Happy Meal tie in from the last film take a look at this actual opening line can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you sir get drive-through well came act like they didn't set the bar low from the very start it's such a weird line clear we've done just for a McDonald's ad can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you sir I'll get drive-through tomatoes crisp lettuce two cheeses on a superhero bun it doesn't fit in the movie at all the only way it could work is if it was literally followed by this can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you sir I'll get drive-through two cheeseburgers a large fries and I got a movie out so just give me whatever plastic schlock with my face on it you got bingo Batman drives to the second Bank of Gotham in Chinatown as a crime boss named two-face played by Tommy Lee Jones instead of Billy Dee Williams only the finest of art forms remedy this you know I love the Italian mobster in that he's robbing a bank and juggling his split personality of a district attorney and a purple monkey you know Tommy Lee Jones told Jim Carrey he hated him because he couldn't sanction his buffoonery the blood drained from his face and hugged me and said I hate you I cannot sanction your buffoonery make sense to me I'm just wondering how acid can turn one half of your face into plastic purple latex as you probably guess he often flips a coin to decide who lives and who dies fortune smiles another day of wine and roses [Music] I mean I'll kill ya later ba-bling you live for a few minutes I'm a district attorney I can always find a loophole that man arrives on the scene to meet up with psychiatrist dr. chase meridian played by nicole kidman high entrance a dedicated professional as you can see Goren is trying to figure out how to save the hostages inside but Batman has more important issues to confront like convincing a stranger that bats aren't rodents I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent oh no you didn't bets aren't rodents dr. Meridian you are interesting your ability to wiki search intrigues me by the way do you know the first thing or do they just call you beds Oh what is there a bank robbery yourself oh yeah there totally is well we don't dr. vurdien sure did Batman breaks in and fights off a gang of Mexican wrestlers also trying to get the cameraman a tripod does that device turn people to Roger Rabbit Oh apparently it's spread to the music to let the composer run out of money so we just ran through poser to face lifts the vault into the air filling it with acid to rain down on the people of Gotham and their multicolored windows medieval times is more civil with their color use he uses his grappling hook to break through the incredibly weak concrete which also supports a giant metal safe because it's suddenly the strongest concrete in the world I knew they shouldn't have used this stuff to face flies his helicopter towards the Statue of Gotham II it was a gift from French metropolis a both two-faced and Batman jump out in time leading to [Music] can we just start a pointless Schumacher slow-mo count well if I could start a valvular mouth hanging open count but that clashes with my Christian Bale mouth hanging open count let's look at the menu if you share the slo-mo count with a Jim Carrey making an excited he farted face count and you can share the val kilmer mouth hanging open count with christian bale's mouth hanging open count and who gets the bad news we all do Harvey two-face is still at large and extremely dangerous Wow Batman the Animated Series did not age well that's supposed to look realistic it's not I know it's not speaking of which were introduced to Jim Carrey as Edward nygma huh names so ridiculous even the animated series refused to believe he didn't just make it up what did you mean a joke on his name his name's Edward nygma enigma Edward Edward nygma look at us at first I thought Carrie's portrayal of nygma was a little too over the top but after internet culture and fanboys blew up yeah it might be too subtle thing was obsessed with Bruce Wayne and wants him to okay his device that beams TV signals directly into the human brain I'm sorrier than the answer's no tampering with people's brainwaves mind manipulation it just sounds like cable news it just raises too many questions what just least you can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half no Bruce sees the bat-signal and uses the bath pipe to transport himself to the Batcave that must have been a lot of fun for the builders to put in Alfred threw his back out a lot after setting that up chair duskie really see no problem rising with that setup boy this is a really comfortable chair it turns out the call came from dr. meridian Commissioner Gordon he's at home I sent a signal no trust me you're sending all the signals and thus we partake in one-liner theatre you're trying to get under my cape doctor a girl can't leave by psychoses alone it's the car right to club the car oh I know they open in line for the next film black rapper try fireman less to take off this is sexual harassment and I don't have to take it my life is an open book you read I'll bring the wine you bring your scarred psyche or do I need skin tight vinyl inner with a lady what's your PhD and bad pickup lines come to think of it what was she shaking earlier Commissioner Gordon that blocks them showing up in his pajamas no false alarm are you sure he's so wish there was an emergency just so I could see him fight crime in his pajamas oh you saw my director's cut megamouth meanwhile kidnaps his boss and uses his device on him yeah you made spike its 3d and because this film isn't subtle enough clearly dignity has been returned to the dark night after stealing his brainwaves nygma kills his boss and were shown the most cinematic court show ever was horribly scarred Maroni although Batman tried to save him dents left brain damage well there you go one third of the Dark Knight movie condensed into two sentences shouldn't he want revenge on the crime boss also as Batman testifying in court it's he a valid witness if no one knows who he is it just raises too many questions no [ __ ] Bruce has given a riddle in his office after it's revealed that nygma's boss seems to have jumped to his death best Commissioner ever meanwhile we see Wayne Enterprises apparently hands out really shitty paychecks as nygma's home slash someone else's closet is being used to send more threatening riddles first takes one of them to a hmm professional doctor Meridian figure out the rest Bruce here's threatening sounds from our office but it looks like she was just doing her usual in-office boxing before a session are you sure he's supposed to be the crazy-looking one here and of course he gets her in depth expert advice at this point I'd actually trust Wakko more than you his only escape may be to purge the fixation so not only is he a wacko but you've jumped to the conclusion that he's a guy I think we establish he's not a good psychiatrist the two of them hit it off I guess they more play iSpy of obvious symbolism in the room you have a thing for bats she's a Malaysian dream warden she protects you from bad dreams and he invites her to the Gotham charity circus a Joel Schumacher film you say [Music] Schumacher who looks at men the same way Michael Bailey looks at women and men the more I think about it it's here that we're introduced to the flying Grayson's one of them soon to be Robin the 25 year old Boy Wonder I'm totally 15 you guys I'm like into Pokemon or whatever but two-face interrupts the televised circus performance you know those common circus performances you see all the time on TV and tells the crowd that if Batman's identity isn't revealed he'll blow everybody up Batman bruised broken the grace is trying to stop the bomb but two-face guns them down leaving only dick some days you just can't get rid of a bomb the day is saved but young Grayson is left without a family to demonstrate Schumacher's understanding of this tremendous loss we cut immediately to a horse helping Iraq okay I'm out of here excuse me okay figure telling that cop I'd stay here for a while save me a truckload of Social Service interviews and charity so uh no offense but no thanks well you're legally an adult so do whatever the hell you want your fix on two-face I want to kill him feeling two-faced won't take the pain away make it worse I mean I felt great when I killed the Joker but it probably wouldn't fit you Bruce's forget your parents and fix my bike which deck immediately agrees to but it looks like Batman is being called to an emergency that will never be addressed so Alfred is left to tend to Bruce's dick I know what I said is this Robin my brother's wire bro he swung out and grabbed him my father said I was just here I flew in like a Robin some hero I turned out to be but your father was right the first time anyway meanwhile two-face ambushes Batman on his way to the crime will never see as once again were introduced to the world's strongest frickin grappling hook [Music] tune in next time kids same Bechet impossibility same Bechet way meanwhile nygma is trying to figure out what to call his alternate identity but his Geico caveman puppet apparently has an idea thank you I shall be the green light bulb meanwhile two-face salts in his split lair yeah that's complex's as character it's gonna get folks well apparently the real lair is waiting there too don't mind me I'll just be waiting for the ass Cystic director to cue me I made your favorite a stir no and grain alcohol harness drew Barrymore calls it a starter we're two minds about what to eat first the great white bulb the river comes out of literally hiding it says he can help him kill Batman if two-face lets him live Batman post did you enjoy my pork impression the combination of Max Headroom and a green skin tells to face that if he gets his device on every television in town he'll help him get Batman two-face reluctantly agrees reluctant for him or my quiet they robbed every place they can to mass-produce his invention ah his superpower is to magically shrink diamonds mean edit teamed with to face this new criminals pattern of marking his crimes with puzzles as Gothamites calling him the Riddler when they be calling him the ripoff artist I mean obviously the Riddler type character exists in this world from all the toys Mingma had so why don't people recognize it it'd be like if a killer wore a spider-man costume and call himself the Red Lobster and sure that would be a better name how my spiders are red [Applause] you [Music] I need a tuxedo but I'm far too busy to go to a place with people to get one too busy talking to this wall then I'm convinced as an online audience well that's why I contacted the black tux comm so they can mail me one wall why Thank You mailman it wasn't really there cardboard box you said you were sending me a Tatsu liar oh there's a tuxedo in the box 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20 bucks off your purchase just visit the black tux comm slash nostalgia critic that's right just go to the black tux consolation nostalgia Creek and you'll get $20 right off your purchase now I'm ready for my incredibly big event [Music] some people still see snow as a special occasion visit the black tux comm premium rental suits and tuxedos delivered [Music] pigma gets enough money to sell his device and even finally gives it a name the box in every home in America it's a toner edward nygma's 3d boxes it's a cone critics have claimed the box turns got the mic code there's hardly a home without the nygma tech box the box oh why you have such a problem saying you're watching Jim Carrey's box now I get it meanwhile Alfred wants to make sure he can use the entrance to the Batcave while his dick is occupied yes sheesh you can hop on one foot and catch up to the door in time yeah Batman's guessing the hard core security there and everything turned on while a meek voice goes intruder alert didn't you hear the voice it called us intruders think about death was character before cultures ruffian oh wait meanwhile Bruce and chase get ready for their date Bruce opens with his most romantic phrases my parents were murdered in front of me that's just a kid you really know all the pickup lines but he literally gets jealous of himself as chase leaves her bet porn out maybe I'll leave you two alone well try not posing with a smile on the cover of Time you egomaniac did you get my bad side but Alfred lets him know that dick has gone travelling as he cruises around town in the Batmobile not bad man oh yeah I'm like totally a little kid I'm watching Ben 10 or whatever man oh wait that's the circuit skip Bruce Wayne and sweeps totally Batman genius to figure that out I'm gonna put it on snapchat it looks like a girl is in trouble at this laser tag arcade but good hearty dick is on the way to save her he's defeated but the gang language of a whistle signals the other members to attack hello Batman here trying to look threatening not for crying out loud Batman saves him after getting his cape caught no really that happens getting some harsh reactions from his dick if Bruce Wayne could have given his life for your family he would have dumbass Bruce goes to wipe the sweat away lord knows it took a lot out of him to jump and that's it as he makes it clear that Grayson don't know dick so you're willing to take a life it will happen this way you make the kill yeah but your pain isn't tied with Harvey it grows Oh so you run out into the night to find another face this is literally my dream you know that Bruce I'm a part of this whether you like it or not what are you gonna do replace me with Joseph gordon-levitt so everyone gathers to see the new version of Nima's box tone let it go as nygma seems to be the toast of the town [Music] No is everyone's acting channeling a constant orgasm make that's bad check out this guy who try something his latest invention with that guy like a rabid baboon would be less awkward shall we dance I was asking you so while therapists and the world's greatest detective couldn't figure out this is the Riddler Wade has duped into a mind-reading machine which is interrupted by to face this he has time for him to break free and once again refused to enter through a door are there any normal extras in this movie they put on a stunt show and try doing their version of the Raiders of the Lost Ark gun scene it doesn't work don't worry we don't blame you stuff man not in any way resembling Val Kilmer as two-face moves on to phase two by the way I can't sanction your buffoonery look we have two pointless slo-moes and two Kilmer's mouths hanging open and yet I feel so empty but two-face blasts him under a mountain of sand enjoy its costs roughen gets everywhere but his dick saves him making Bruce surprisingly unhappy what the hell did you think you were doing I had it out from this movie they bicker and argue but Bruce has no time for that he's got a horny honey he's secretly stalking and shea sickles being Batman occurs never been in love before she seems hot entrance what is it about the wrong kind of man do I need skin tight vinyl in with honestly I think she's a creepier fan than nygma nevertheless Batman visits her and she admits she's more in love with Bruce than him it's not even as personality it's just something about his jawline oh come on and this of course gives us the bat nope Oh however nygma shows us the results of a Bruce Wayne mind-reading brittlely what kind of a man is bats Aquaman well that's going on Batman decides to give up his night job from this day on Batman is no more chases coming over for dinner I'm going to tell her everything so just remember folks it wasn't a supervillain or a dangerous stunt that ended Batman's career it was a horny psychologist and his whiny dick actually that makes a little too much sense Bruce invites chase over to tell her everything while kids go trick-or-treating at his house release the hounds as Bruce continues to have flashbacks his dick flees in disgrace and the Riddler and two-face find a way to sneak in and don't forget to move that tray away from the door there you go they blow up the Batcave kidnapped chase meridian and two-face keeps flipping his coin until he gets the side he wants just like the comic I can't sanction this buffoon now with too much buffoonery if you kill him as Bruce wakes up he's told what happened and the Riddler gets to continue his annoying Jim Carrey impression I'd say this is over the top even for him but seeing how the rest of Gotham acts I see he fits right in Catwoman who do you think meanwhile Bruce and Alfred try to figure out the meaning of the riddles realizing there's a number in each one and perhaps they represent the alphabet 18 is M mr. e and another name for mr. e enigma mr. enigma Edward nygma there's also a return address from Edward nygma industries but your way were too and if for a split second you forgot Joel Schumacher directed this but he's not the only one who has to look ridiculous what's that's ten-four Ralf I just always wanted to be called Ralf that man is rather easily convinced to let him come along now as they go to stop the evildoers thankfully Batman also lets the police know they don't actually have to do their jobs [Music] well I guess our work is done meanwhile at Nickelodeon studios the Riddler and two-face try to foil our dynamic duo Oh doh my dick hi we've had a lot of fun with people named dick today but they're all good sports so the next time you see your local dick why not go up to them say I know it's hard dick you know between the Joker's gun and a green light the batplane is pathetically easy to take down isn't it fully rusted metal Batman crowd it's all metal it's full of holes you holy Oh Oh we gotcha the movie wouldn't be so silly to put that kind of line in there however lines like this you're trying to get into my cape doctor and this I'll get drive-thru and this car ride to club the car are totally fine the tour separated leaving Robin to fight to face alone [Music] [Music] you never bet I hope you have a small family man reaches the riddler who looks like Elton John Liberace and syndrome fused by Satan as he reveals his evil plan my little box will be on countless TVs around the world feeding me credit card numbers bank codes sexual fantasies and little white lies wow that's actually kind of relevant yeah like legit clever commentary I am not saying this is ahead of its time I am NOT saying this is ahead of its time he shows that he captured Chase and Robin in fact he weirdly looks less shocked that Robin is captured than chase seriously day one and you got caught and the Riddler makes him choose which one dies which one will it be Batman Bruce's love or the Dark Knight's junior partner I'll have the lasagna but Batman seems to have a riddle for the Riddler I see without seeing to me darkness is as clear as daylight what am I the riders you're blind exactly he puts on his computer specs because he needed help to hit the giant blender in the middle of the room and the Riddler's turned into pizza dough I have no idea the Riddler ends up dropping them but thankfully Batman's ego weighs more than them so he's able to defy the laws of gravity disable in answer to what I choose to make my I choose the same that spider-man took you're welcome it was a mistake bringing you and I'm never doing this again I like curtains what you forgetting something Harvey your coin you're always two minds about everything except when it's not which we've established is most of the time that man makes it clear that's wrong for Robin to kill but him on the other hand he can totally keep looking for other faces to kill and this one is two for one he kind of explains this to nygma oh I should have gotten vaccinated you see I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman not because I have to be now because I choose to be did I mention I'm not gonna be in the next Batman movie he's sent to Arkham Asylum where the doctor is concerned about what he knows Edward nygma has been screaming for hours that he knows the true identity of Batman and why my name is in the opening credits even though I only have one lime dr. Burton tells me Ben Affleck okay he's clearly nuts Bruce says goodbye to chase so I guess he did choose Batman over Bruce Wayne kind of cheating and our dynamic duds run triumphant ish into the night ha holds up pretty well doesn't it well while we appreciate you standing there in silence the whole time yeah I like to listen we still can't say it's a good Batman movie I mean okay it's not Batman and Robin and it's meant to be lighter in tone but it just seems confused on whether it wants to be a comedy like the Adam West show a drama like the Burton movies if as it turns out it doesn't succeed in either granted it does have a few good ideas and the visuals are still rather stunning in many respects but it plays everything too safe and that's not how Batman should be handled Batman should be different memorable and inspired this film is either annoyingly odd or boring we generic if it didn't have the Batman name on it it'd probably be forgotten quickly it's a superhero flick it's not the worst but it's not that good either it's a strange installment but not strange enough to leave that big of an impact well I respect your opinion come on why don't we all sit down and have some tea together I've already made some for Malcolm and Tamara he really is a nice guy [Music] you know why not yeah I mean I know I don't always like your movies mocker but you seem like a decent down-to-earth guy well I really appreciate that [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] you [Music] Gotham must know hey Doug Walker here doing the charity shout out and this week we are doing the cancer Research Institute since 1953 they've led the field with support for immune therapy research and clinical trials together with their donor patient and scientist communities they continue to fund revolutionary breakthroughs to cure all types of cancer by harnessing the innate powers of the body's immune system immune therapy treatments have the potential to achieve complete long-lasting remissions and cures if you look at their site or their YouTube page you can see all the hard work that goes into this fight and all the patients they've helped or saved along the way there's still so much more work that needs to be done and you can play a big part in making history simply by giving a little donation click on the link below and see how you can help make a huge difference [Music] you [Music]

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 3,546,917

Keywords: channel awesome, nostalgia critic, doug walker, movie, movies, film, batman, batman forever, batman forever review, movie review, film review, batman movies, comic book movies, dc comics, dc comic movies, last angry geek, val kilmer, tim burton, joel schumacher, 90s movies, super hero movies, nicole kidman, jim carrey, tommy lee jones

Id: XbxRYpuJqDU

Length: 37min 12sec (2232 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 14 2018