Everybody Sucks At Driving In Justice League - YBOC

i dr jordan breeding could sit here and point out all the things that don't really make sense in zack snyder's justice league like the amazons apparently hoping to kill an alien box with swords and arrows or martian manhunter seemingly impersonating martha kent in the hopes of i don't know hooking up with lois i mean that's my guess as to what the hell that cameo was all about but what's really stressing me out is how apparently everybody in the entire world of justice league learned to drive by watching their grandma play gta 5. the 80 year old woman took over the controls first up this [ __ ] truck driver plows right through a red light because he dropped a cheeseburger he didn't just misjudge a yellow the light turns red like freaking 22 seconds before he plows through the intersection your commercial truck driver in a crowded city full of pedestrians bro right i start on monday true story the summer after my freshman year of college i drove a refrigerated truck delivering salsa and hummus to whole foods up and down the east coast and you better believe every time i drove through philly i was like sweaty bullets afraid that some kid would step out in front of me or i'd love tap michael vick's car and he'd throw a football like right through my stomach i had this job in 2010 and he'd already served his time for the dog thing so it'd be mean to joke about and he also really helped my fantasy team that year rolling and launching downfield for the shot jackson to accelerate but basically at no point when i've been willing to scramble around on the nasty floor of my dirty truck next to my ass caked boots for a soiled cheeseburger as i approached a busy intersection i mean let's face it i would not eat that thing unless i knew it already had both pfizer shots yeah i know what you mean almost as dumb is iris west driving through that same intersection without bothering to check for say trucks the size of doomsday barreling at full speed i mean sure she technically had the green light but also she drives for like what 50 feet without ever glancing at the road what if somebody was turning into her lane yes ezra miller is a very attractive jewish boy but even if iris hadn't slammed into the truck which is ridiculous she hits the back of the truck like he'd basically already gone through she would have almost certainly slammed into a parked car or run over a couple dozen children while distracted by flash's well-defined cheekbones and hilarious insights into brunch did you want to fight is nothing new whoa bro bro even worse she hits the back end of that truck hard enough to entirely flip her car how much speed had she built up in such a short stretch of time she must have slammed on the gas gunning it all to hell but without ever looking at where she was going she apparently didn't even have time to throw on her damn seat belt does her car even have seat belts did those just not get invented in this universe any idea what that might be and maybe it's not a full vehicle but what about that [ __ ] pushing the hot dog cart does nobody in the snyder verse know to look both ways or maybe he's a deaf and blind hot dog vendor and what we really need is for zach to add two more hours to the movie to really flesh out this vendor's life story and the struggles he overcame to become the helen keller of meat snacks only to have his livelihood exploded in a single careless incident and then his product stolen by a literal superhero trying to get a job as a dog sitter i mean there's a couple million hbo max subscriptions right there i always bring a meat snack later or i guess in reality much earlier mommy cyborg experiences a fatal car accident though it's not entirely clear who's at fault but since she was t-boned it's definitely somebody's fault because most roads don't just randomly cross without warning and given everything that we're learning i bet she and the other driver just freaking blew through a four-way intersection simultaneously without looking because they both secretly hoped they were the invincible second coming of superman it's like unbreakable if everybody is simultaneously bruce willis and samuel l jackson but nowhere near as awesome as that sounds but hey it's not just motor vehicles and weiner mobiles look at this piece of fisherman somehow managing to flip over his boat because he failed to notice what appears to be the storm of the century and based on the people in the nearby town my guess is the fisherman just assumed that things went poorly he could save by aquaman and he is right and maybe that's just what happens in a universe full of superheroes everybody becomes personally very reckless which is kind of the basis for the kingdom come comic so maybe everybody driving around like children on opiates is some sort of sick meta reference it's probably not i don't understand one of the film's longest running subplots involves batman's inability to get his magic troop transport up and flying until cyborg proves her with his tender slender metal fingers until she lights up apparently she wanted to fly the whole time but wasn't too keen on doing it for batman that turns out to be a pretty smart move on her part because batman almost immediately crashes her sure they got nicked by the energy shield or whatever when he blasted through it but like bring bigger missiles get cyborg to blow up in a big hole with this arm gun thing surely there's a way to get inside steppenwolf's special secret mate without running into inanimate objects the freaking superheroes flight as it's mentioned but maybe that was always the plan because batman's got his batmobile slash bat tank stowed away in the troop transport as if he knew he couldn't stay in the air more than five minutes without slamming into something and i know he only drives his bat vehicles during chase sequences but the dude really crashes into a lot of things in both this movie and batman v superman he's very reckless there are still rules of the road even in abandoned russian ghost towns batman isn't that right but man why did you say that name and even though we're not explicitly told what happened we should probably assume that barry allen's dad killed his mom by just running her over i mean sure he says he was framed but at this point we can't trust anybody not with the car not with the truth well i'm gonna level with you i did kill that prostitute also i'm not saying it was bad driving that caused the nightmare future but the burned out husks of cars on the freeway sure are arranged haphazardly looks like there was a lot of crashing at some point and i doubt that's all superman's fault maybe he just took advantage of all of america getting into a hundred million car pileup because this entire universe has the reflexes of a turtle getting hooked down a water slide all we can hope for is that in the black and white snyder cut part two or whatever that we're eventually gonna get it's gonna include the deleted scene where martian manhunter just slams into bruce's front porch when he's trying to meet him i'm still alive but i'm very badly injured i think my legs might be broken but i'll try to stand up yes they are broken perhaps you could toss me abandon or some anti-bacterial cream i mean an extraordinary

Channel: Cracked

Views: 29,704

Rating: 4.8102188 out of 5

Keywords: Zack Snyder's Justice League, Justice League, Zack Snyder, Snyder Cut, #RestoreTheSnyderVerse, #SnyderCut, DCEU, DC Comics, Cracked, Cracked.com, Sketch, Justice League parody, Zach Snyder, Aquaman, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Cyborg, Flash, Alfred, Darkseid, Steppenwolf, Comic Books, Comic Book Movies, SnyderVerse, Henry Cavill, Martha, Jordan Breeding, YBOC, Your Brain On Cracked, Driving in Justice League, Movie plot holes

Id: Zsz_jkldft0

Length: 6min 39sec (399 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 14 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/tdasnowman]

This was a really poorly written one. Distracted truck drivers are the cause of a ton of accidents. The cutlass is a 63 to 65 which is at a time where seatbelts were an option not mandated. We had a whole critically acclaimed movie about fisherman making the choice to stay out in a perfect storm that was based on true events. Sometimes low hanging fruit just shouldn't be gone after.