English Teachers, What Paper Made You Lose Faith In Humanity? (r/AskReddit)

English teachers what topic on a write about anything si made you lose hope and humanity I was teaching a university 101 class study habits how to write essays time management how to get by at college for kids who honestly aren't really ready for college the assignment one paragraph about something that interests you one of those essays read I am interest in blueberry muffin like how they round on the top and ripped on the sides that what I like I kept it on my fridge for a year I to him interest in blueberry muffin I had a poetry unit my first year of teaching learned very quickly that they couldn't write about anything but teenage love god I read so much bad love poetry that year former English adjunct here one time a student wrote about a first date that went horribly wrong including running over a cat and having extract to his truck tires and then vomiting a dinner another one that stands out wasn't a topic but an assigned research paper a student maintained that she didn't need sources because God told her the information she actually cited God as a personal interview in correct MLA format student here my friend and I was sitting secondary school English and we had to write about a crisis for an end-of-year creative writing test he decided to write about how he was in a crisis of failing this test due to us having a week full of non-stop exams all filled with technical difficulties and mistake spiritu this exam for him this test was the final straw and he spent the hour an ting about how much he hated this test and how he was going to fail he passed with flying colors and a note from our teacher to be a little more appropriate and less on the nose next time my HS English teacher had the state due to a submission the year before that writing about your foot fetish and pleasuring your sir with your feet would not be read or graded I was in a film class and the professor also had to clarify due to events of last semester submitting pornography of any kind even with all parties consenting for a film project will constitute an automatic failure on the assignment to stand out first one the prompt was if you could go back and change one thing from your life what would it be a young man wrote about the night his abusive alcoholic dad came home apparently from the story dad came home this way off him the fateful night he wanted to change was the first time he stood up to his dad dad came home kid defended his mom and dad in a drunken rage left dad got into a head-on collision and died kid total he blamed himself for his father's death second story the prompt was create a holiday and what the traditions and customs of the holiday were a student created national black people day I was like okay how are you going to celebrate it she said by killing white people I was like what she said yeah once a year we can kill as many white people as we want I got the counselor involved in both of them what the frick not a teacher but stepfather daughter was er HS kid wrote a report about whether cut and paste from the internet the language varied in writing style and grade levels from paragraph to paragraph I offered that rewriting in her own language was the minimum she could do to avoid making it obvious she plagiarized she decided elementary school level was her style and chose to rewrite the college level paragraphs when she thought an acceptable substitution of cloud depression was the weather is sad I just gave up I would be pretty dang disappointed to not an essay but we were doing impromptu speeches and one guy recited The Weird Al song Albuquerque word-for-word until the teacher finally told him to stop after ten minutes our English teacher told us that some guy copied an article from the Italian Wikipedia thinking it was in English a catholic high school in my hometown asked for students to write about what they would do if there were no laws or lack of morals this was inspired by the purge which had been discussed in ethics class twelve students were suspended indefinitely two or three ended up expelled the others returned eventually for what they wrote ranging from data are paid to human trafficking to mass shootings even though the assignment made it more than obvious that it was a fictional assignment and by relating it to the purge pretty much goaded students into matching the level of lawlessness made national news there were articles by psychologists for gays they even mentioned the reddit ask are pissed threaded the psychologists response to not create a feedback forum not a single article even came close to suggesting that if you'd give seventeen to nineteen year olds an opening to go against good taste that most of them would do so for chutes and giggles to students the data pay one in the mass shooting one did not find another school and did not graduate or at least had to redo their last year not a teacher but I used to to middle schoolers and lower-class men just graduated in HS a kid wrote an essay about cavemen using hieroglyphics to communicate how they'd fight the dinosaurs essay was right about an early human civilization and compare and contrast their way of life to ours this kid was in AP World History effectively her college level class and didn't understand that there was around 63 million years separating dinosaurs and the first Homo sapiens Asians he then told me that I was incorrect and posed the question if dinosaurs were dead then how did people ride them I was truly baffled by that this an incident where a guy threatened to scoop my nuts like they were ray senate's a girl who didn't understand that countries that exist now didn't always exist and a guy who couldn't understand how supply and demand works simply because he would just go out hunting if food gets too expensive is why I stopped tutoring history and economics I took and Sat preparation course one summer which would teach you a variety of tricks and tips for doing better as well as practicing taking tests amidst telling us tips for the essay portion they explained how the grading system were and that you need to be slightly careful because if the people grading it feel they cannot be objective about it then you'll just get a zero they cited a story where once the essay topic was we have no fate but what we make for ourselves which many of you might recognize you were to discuss why why not it was true one student wrote an essay on how it was true and went on to describe that the Holocaust was the Jews own fault for his supporting evidence needless to say he received a zero because none of the graders could read it objectively I teach literature at a college and mostly deal with freshmen and sophomores for our free writing unit one of the assignments asked the students to write any original story based on your favorite fictional genre so one of my students wanted to do horror I said great that's also a favorite of mine go nuts eventually the assignments are turned in and I'm grading them at home I get to the kid with the horror story and it's about two serial killer who stalks women okay whatever nothing I haven't seen before but then the story goes into long excruciating detail about the next victim this killer plans on stalking up him murdering a petite blonde in her early 30s who teaches English and it just so happens I'm a petite blonde in her early 30s who well yet I didn't report it or anything since it was a creative exercise I didn't grade him unfairly either but I seriously couldn't look that kid in the eye ever again if there was something to make me start looking over my shoulder this would be it until last year my students seventh grade eight is 12 - 13 how to do a science fair project they had to create a topic with a testable theory does Brand X detergent get more stains out than brand Y this was accompanied with a research report of the topic I will give the students a sample report I created every year I would tell them not to cop from their sources and I would easily find out who did every year some literally copy word-for-word from of the easiest off sources Wikipedia Kew mad parents kill exact copies of the report side by side with the highlighted portions of the report in high school we had a history essay to write about JFK and one of my classmates wrote the entire essay by naming him Jean Francis Kennedy yes it was in France my teacher was so astonished by it he asked her why she didn't Road the abbreviation JFK instead of guessing the name and she answered that she actually thought his name was John Francis Kennedy not a teacher but in third grade I moved to a new school I was in a Montessori before the new school was a Catholic school I was a Unitarian Universalist and we always called our preacher Reverend not father in my new school the school priest father Jim was retiring and we had to write a short essay about how much we'll miss him this was like I dunno the third day of school I had no freaking clue what the heck of father Jim was and since nobody bothered to write out his full name I assumed this school just had a weird name for the gym so of course I wrote an essay about how much I'll miss the gym and how terrible it's gonna be that I can't run all over it or play football in it anymore and how terrible it is that the gym is rate are high and it the SI wishing the gym well with its new tires the teacher was not amused not an English teacher just a mother reading over her tenth graders son's essay two weeks ago he had written something to the effect of heaps of people have heaps of hobbies so we had a conversation about using more academic language and employing a wider range of vocabulary I come back ten minutes later and he'd used the thesaurus function in Word so it now read piles of people have mounds of hobbies adjust row you son is either dumb or brilliant we had to write short stories in high school English my best friend was struggling for inspiration so me self-absorbed teenager told her to write about me when I'm a beautiful successful professional ballerina she took the idea and ran with it but took a dark turn and had me are paid backstage by the director of the ballet company she showed it to me proudly before class and when she saw my face as I read it started backpedaling hard about how it definitely wasn't about me me she just got in Bart was a substitute teacher in grad school and was filling in for an older English teacher students were to hand in their free write essays and then to read some kid wrote a straight-up child pornography story he stared at me like a deer in headlights while I was reading them while they were reading I made it one page and then I walked cept the department head who took the student after the class so yeah that was the worst fourth grade I was teaching the kids how to write short stories kid wrote a story about going to a new school for the first day and being abused by teachers it was awful turns out this kid was being abused by his dad and thought it was normal behavior for adults to act that way absolutely heartbreaking not a teacher in high school we got told to write a short horror story someone Google short horror story printed it out and handed it in he literally just took a screenshot and printed it so you could see the URL and what he was watching on YouTube a spoiler he didn't pass i'm impressed he reached the level of print screen to this day i see posts where people captured the screen with their phones it wasn't right about anything it was more like create a story my student nine years old female wrote about two best friends they were at the mall when one of them got kidnapped by a villain who put her in a suitcase and took her to london everyone searched for her and she was found dead the villain had murdered her the police arrested and imprisoned him for 10 years and then killed him the girl's best friend was really sad and killed herself and then they lived happy ever after she is 9:9 and wrote about kidnap murder police violence and suicide and romanticized suicide my girlfriend and her sister have some pretty daft assignments the GF got asked to write a paper on any aspect of history so just wrote about her life up until that point her sister got asked to do a presentation on evolution and did it on the 2001 film not a teacher either but I remember I had to read over a classmate's essay and he wrote about about a bunch of Disney Princesses going to jail on Alcatraz man the competition for the prisoner with a bunch of bird friends would be fierce I've had classmates submit essays copied straight up from Wikipedia including the blue hyperlinks and all I had a classmates in high school who once did the presentation where he just read his text off a piece of paper the presentation included the phrase as a historian I here's one I can actually answer I was teaching an IELTS test prep class to high school aged students in China one of my students is planning on being a nutritionist and when I gave her a topic about what she would change if she could be the president for a day she said that she would imprison everyone who was over a certain BMI until they were thin and if they were repeat offenders they should spend life in prison for wasting public resources and making health care more expensive for everyone else when I was in high school mid 90s they started pushing free writing assignments in every class including classes like banned art and math by free writing I don't mean that the teacher would give us a writing assignment relevance to the class the principal would literally get on the PA system at a particular time and announced that it was time for the writing exercise and then we would have like 30 minutes to write whatever the heck we felt like the assignment wasn't even really graded on anything besides participation we always knew her head of time what class period it would happen in and my friend and I thought the entire concept was freaking stupid so we would grab a dictionary flip open to a random page and randomly pick a word that we had to include in our essay we'd have a contest to see who could use that word the most times in their essay and the only rule was that have had to make sense in the context of whatever we wrote I remember writing an entire story using the word fraction Ella it's a type of plant I don't remember a single detail about it but I managed to work it into my completely ridiculous story about ten times another time we picked cyborgs which was pretty easy to do but to make more ridiculous I decided to make it a time-traveling cyborg fracks Nellore plant when a 16 year old male student wrote about the fine world of web command how easy it is to make a lot of money off attention hungry old people I wrote an essay in fourth grade about people were all stupid and how much I hated my stupid life the teacher gave me a B+ and said nothing more about it must have supplied good evidence a student in my class right now is writing a paper about buying sperm online so probably that I was at a I once had to read a five-page spider pea thick when we asked for a creative writing short story assignment it was supposed to be an assignment imagining if humans reproduced in another manner how life would be different not about the reproduction but about human social structure English tutor here I had a student in high school who was really struggling with the writing prompts I was giving him he was studying hybrid genres in school and how to write a hybrid genre a short story so I basically gave him a long list of genres told him to pick any two he wanted and combine them to write a story he didn't get it he emailed me asking for clarification like which topic do I choose here and I told him he could be as creative as he liked pick horror and see fee pick mystery and crime pick romance and mystery whatever strikes your fancy I literally could not have given him an easier prompt then he asks me to give him some examples of hybrid genre stories so he has an idea of what to write so I emailed him a list of famous hybrid genre books for example the Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury Gunn with occasional music by Jonathan Lethem Harry Potter et see this kid basically latched on to Harry Potter and rewrote the sorting ceremony from Philosopher's Stone word-for-word there was no orientation no info about his main characters who were coincidentally also called Harry Ron and Hermione no complication no climax no resolution it was literally just an incomplete retelling of the sorting hat ceremony from the first book not only did this kid fail to think of a single creative story idea he plagiarized one of the most famous books of all time and was daft enough to think I wouldn't notice it really made me despair not a teacher but a few months ago I did this biology thing in which we could choose between several topics and do research on them I chose fish's respiratory systems from there I could choose exactly what to do and I decided that a title would be with the fish smoked through their gills or through their mouths a deep analysis of the gill respiratory system it was a four-page work and the professor liked it so much that he asked my permission to publish it in the local newspaper it was frickin hilarious going to the local store and finding it in the first page this guy wrote me a paper about how swamped but ruined his marriage describing it initially as an unexpected rash he wrote at length about how this rash caused his wife to stop having intercourse with him and refused him any intimacy after some time he and his wife got a divorce and he promptly blames the rash for it it isn't much later in the paper at this point a good six pages long that he details his struggles with proper hygiene due to cheap toilet paper causing this rash so because this guy couldn't wipe his butt properly he lost his wife his kids and his sanity to the point where he decided to come tell me about it my second place is probably the guy who wrote about how he got AIDS not a teacher it's my classmate once wrote a solution essay titled why do black people steal bikes and how to stop it one of the solutions included spray-painting black people white I wish I was making this up like this video and this good boy will play you a nice song if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 124,575

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Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh, reddit english, reddit teachers, reddit teacher stories, reddit school

Id: IoRKQ4eGrHk

Length: 18min 58sec (1138 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 31 2019