Wait, That's Illegal! 1 Hour Of Almost Criminal Life Hacks Of r/AskReddit

cops offered it what are some of the best worst ways people have tried to get out of getting a ticket from you my dad was pulled over going way way too fast on the interstate late at night like 1 to 2 a.m. he is an anesthesiologist and got called into work because someone had been shot it turned out that the person who had been shot was a cop and so not only did my dad not receive a ticket he got a police escort to the hospital and he has refused to tell me exactly how fast they went hearing that story as a kid made me think my very by-the-book or dad was super cool working for a small town where everyone knows everyone I see a car blow a stop sign at a high rate of speed without tapping their brakes or slowing down I pull the car over and it's a woman that had served me lunch at our local diner earlier and the day when I woke up I see her starting to cry until she recognizes me then magically the tears were instantly gone we make small chitchat for a couple minutes and she tells me thank God it's you who pulled me over or else I know I'd be getting a ticket I laugh and ask for her adjusts for formalities I wasn't planning on giving her a citation until I saw her past record in the previous three months she had been pulled over seven times and given five citations everything from speeding mostly for over 25 miles per hour the posted limit and running stop signs seeing this I know she hasn't learned her lesson about safe driving and needs another reminder so I write her I go back to her car and she starts screaming at me saying I thought you were one of the cool cops I tell her to have a nice night and to take a moment to calm down before she drives off she tells me screw you and rolls up her window just because I know you doesn't mean I'm automatically going to let you go and if I do write you it doesn't mean I'm not a cool cop pulled over in unregistered vehicle they tried to offer me money behind me was a very large group of students watching on all of them had access to my microphone to hear what was going on I tried to explain this to the driver he simply wouldn't listen or didn't understand not that it would have made a difference but I would have preferred to avoid having to arrest him for a stupid mistake he ended up getting arrested for a range of charges do you know why I pulled you over so it wouldn't be so windy while we talked co-worker of mine was speeding one day on a southbound Highway told the cop hey man I know you got to give me a ticket good please write out for northbound or else my wife will think I'm cheating on her the cop laughed and told him to slow down and let him off he was not married nor was he even seeing anybody smart he could then dispute the ticket and prove he wasn't on the northbound as a patrol officer you pull cars over multiple times a day after almost 10 years in law enforcement I've pulled over many I've heard them all best that would have to be the guy I pulled over for speeding I made my approach guy rolls down window I said my speech he looks me right in the eye and softly says I was speeding I'm sorry but you see I am in the military just an hour ago I got back from my two in Iraq my girlfriend here just picked me up from the airport and to be honest I was rushing home to my two-minute welcome home bang session looking in the backseat I seen military-style duffel bags miscellaneous military BDU uniforms a folded up Welcome Home banner and his girlfriend in passenger seat gave me the CA that's the truth look have fun I said and handed him back his license worst oh man there's so many I have to take a crap is used more often than one might think the ones I always enjoy our well I know officer so-and-so very well he'll get me out of this that's guaranteed to get you a ticket following closely as the do you not have anything better to do than Harris the public nope not today not this exact moment you're the lucky winner press hard get dispatched to an accident and find the Corona flipped onto its roof driver was sitting on the curb with very minor injuries and no one else was hurt in the collision I ended up arresting driver for DUI she was 19 and this was her third DUI her response why are we wasting each other's time just let me go it's not like I killed anyone unfortunately with the way the courts work in LA County she was probably going to get off without any consequences someone I knew was trying to get out of drinking and driving she went up to the cop and was like listen we are all white hair needless to say she went to jail plot twist cop was black flirting is always bad that is especially bad when the driver is really old really young or has their family in the car with em I don't consider myself to be super attractive but people will do anything to get out of a ticket threatening the officer is also pretty bad that's happened before sometimes it is threatening to kill my family if I'd them a ticket but sometimes people get a little more creative some racist people assume that I am an illegal immigrant and threatened to report me if I write them a ticket that one always makes me laugh bribing is always interesting some of the things people come up with her actually kind of funny as a driver had cop pulled me over I was 17 roughly driving my mom's new car at almost 30 over in a residential area cop walks up asks of it's a new car yup but you can't even hear the engine when it gets going yup steering is probably pretty good right yup et Cie for several more questions then just walks back to his car and drives off his point was well-established but it was weird as heck to me at the time I literally never offered one excuse he did and I just sat there answering yup not a cop but I've seen many of my ex's ways on avoiding tickets and she has avoided many tickets her best escape was by faking being mute unfortunately she knows sign language most cops would feel bad ticketing her so they just let her go while I feel bad for those cops I have some old but is that no sign language and they pull this crap out on any and all cops it's frickin hilarious but not as much as when they inevitably find a cop that also knows sign language one lady yelled and cursed at me while saying I was wasting my time dealing with her when I should be getting the real bad and dangerous drivers out there if she was stopped for going 17 miles per hour in an active school zone only a cadet but I do go on ride-alongs someone tried to get out of a ticket by using religion they had said that they were a great Christian and didn't deserve a ticket called us evil got a ticket anytime a person proclaims they are a good Christian I know they are about to try something Shady my dad once pulled over a woman who claimed she had diarrhea and that's why she was driving so fast he's an understanding guy so naturally he let her drive home but followed her and wrote the ticket their relevance my friend had a theory that if you could make a cop laugh you can get out of a ticket I'd watched him do this on three occasions once he was actually going forty miles over the posted limit a felony and he told the cop that he was trying to get tampons to his girlfriend who was cheering at our high school football away game that was the actual truth she clocked him going 95 in a 55 let him off with a warning after some easy chat and a few laughs the best though was when he got pulled over for having a busted turn signal he handed the cop his license and asked do you think I look better now when I took that picture the cop looked up and hesitated likely actually thought about it we all laughed and the cop went back to his car he walked back with his hand on his gun and said do you realize there's a warrant out for your arrest stunned silence step out of the vehicle he unbuttoned his holster I'm just fricking with you man you freak with me and I'm gonna freak with you my friend claimed he wasn't scared but that's complete balls we all laughed cop let us go with a warning not a cop but a friend was once stopped for a broken headlight in my country there's a fine for that he didn't know what to do so he got out of his car no paranoid police here and told the officer that the light does that sometimes and kicked it it actually freaking worked the light turned back on and he was off his way I've done the same had an old Volvo that if you hit the passenger side light it would come on one night I forgot to give it the old bump and drove off pulled over the officer asked if I knew it was out and I told him the secret he hitfilm 'i came back and said well i can tell you have better things to spend your money on I'll let you off with a warning not a con but I've been pulled over five plus times and have never had a ticket I also have several family friends who are officers two best pieces of advice I have one be as perfectly respectful and polite as you can please thank you yes sir mom no sir mom a - if it is nighttime turn on all your interior lights before the officer even gets to your window it is a lot less scary approaching a car that you can see inside off this is not a car you're looking for in an obi-wan Kenobi impression with the hand wave the coolest thing I witnessed a friend did that worked and got him out off a speeding ticket the officer tried hard not to crack then just bent over below the window line where we couldn't see him but could hear him laugh he then raised himself and said you have a good day then left am I being detained officer yes something along the lines of well Frick he literally thought asking if he was being detained would get him out of a ticket like the YouTube videos he'd been watching I guess you could say it worked because instead of the ticket he got a summons to court I had a lady offer me a job once a real one not a [ __ ] motorist why aren't you out catching murderers cop we have a homicide squad for that I'm a veteran then rolled through a stop sign near the VA hospital it was at a tea section and everyone always only looked in the one direction and rolled through in this cop knew that and was waiting he would just walk onto the road and point at you and tell you to pull over then give you a ticket on this day he caught me and the lady behind me we pull over he checks her it then approaches my vehicle and asks me for mine I gave him my license and he posits whether I have any other forms of it I hand him my veterans card he takes a look then hands both back and says if she served I'd let her off too remember to come to a complete stop next time have a good day Mudd plot twist she was my wife and I still ended up paying the ticket I loved the video of the woman talking to an officer that pulled her over for failure to stop I thought you didn't give pretty girls tickets pardon me I thought you didn't give pretty girls tickets you didn't think we gave pretty girls tickets you're absolutely right we don't sign here police brutality former Highway Patrol officer more than anything I've had people say they are in a hurry to get to the bathroom on more than one occasion they have even gone as far as to pee themselves in hopes to avoid a ticket also not a cop but my best friend got out of a ticket for accidentally flashing a boob at the officer she had just gotten it her two that went around the outside of her breast and couldn't wear a bra while it was healing she was pulled over for speeding and while nervously trying to get her aid insurance and registration her boob fell out of her tank top and the police officer kept trying to get her attention and she got frustrated than sort of yelled yes I know license and registration give me a minute and the officer responded with miss please your shirt she looked down became beet red and quickly tucked her boob back in and handed him her paperwork without trying to make any eye contact the officer started laughing BC he realized she was incredibly embarrassed and not actually trying to flash him so he told her just to slow it down and let her go she's gotten out of a few other tickets pretty ingenious ly but that's my favorite story not a cop but someone I know got pulled over doing about 80 in a 50 and when the officer approached his window and asked why were you driving so fast this person's response was sorry officer I was trying to get my flux capacitor up to speed the cop didn't find it very funny I feel a lot of these stories go one way or another based on the officers sense of humor one gave me a get-out-of-jail monopoly card let him off with a warning what else could I do he had the card my mom actually did this accidentally before she had her registration in a plastic holder and had forgotten that her friend had stuck a get-out-of-jail-free card on the other side got pulled over and handed the whole plastic thing to the cop he laughed and let her go this was in like in 92 or 1993 I was pretty young but still remember it happening I crested a hill going 85 in a 70 only to see an officer sitting on the side of the road in his Ford Explorer I knew he had me so I pulled over before he could even pull out and turn his lights on when he came up to my window he noticed a little helicopter sticker on the side of my car seeing the sticker he asked me they let you drive like that on Fort Rucker it was a pretty good assumption since that's where army flight school is and I was about an hour away from the base of course me being smart and not stationed there anymore replied I don't know sir I'm stationed at Fort Benning to which he fired back they let you drive like that on Fort Benning I gave him a chuckle and oh no sir let me go with a verbal warning overall it was a rate stroke ten experience would do over before the loss opt changed to having to be 18 for a police ride-along I did one with my police officer dad when I was 11 for take your daughter to work day it was a day shift and there wasn't much action going on about midway through the shift my dad parked on the side of the road and let me handle the radar gun out of nowhere a car comes speeding down a nearby hill mark 30 miles per hour I clocked the car at 90 miles per hour my dad clicks on the lights and sirens and takes off after it it doesn't slow down before I know it we are doing 110 miles per hour on a cth we go for about 5 miles in this car still won't stop or slow down she hits a mailbox and makes a trashcan fly dad calls for backup and soon there are two squad cars going after this car I'm frickin pumped this is the most intense action I've ever experienced in my 11 years of life way better than being at school the car finally pulls over it doesn't take long to notice that the windows of the car are missing and are replaced with saran wrap duct taped to the car I should probably share that at this point of his life my dad was about 325 pounds six feet five shaped head and intimidating as heck if I got in trouble all this guy had to do was look at me with angry eyes and I would immediately wish for a quick swift death dad goes up to the car lets me get out of the squad on standby near the hood of said squad and has the driver get out it's a middle-aged woman who weighs maybe 125 and clocks in at around 5 feet too height wise my dad brings his face down to hers inches away looks at her with eyes that could kill and asks in an intimidating yet controlled manner why the hatch were you going so fast and why the heck didn't you pull over when I had my sirens and lights going and the woman tells my dad that she didn't pull over because she didn't hear or see him behind her my dad with bladed hand inches from her face if you were ever an army basic training you know exactly what kind of bladed hand gesture I'm talking about asks you're telling me that you didn't hear or see me when you have no goddang windows on your car you have dang saran wrap on your windows as soon as my dad finishes this question the lady replies sir I just wet myself my dad made her pee her pants just with a look and a question I didn't get to stick around for the aftermath because my dad asked the responding officer to take me back to the station so he could continue with the arrest when I got older I asked my dad about the lady apparently she blew a point three four on the breathalyzer at one o'clock in the afternoon yikes definitely the coolest take your daughter to work day ever one time a dude made a documentary to prove his innocence but he didn't work not a cop but I got out of a ticket on the way to the midnight premiere odd Lord of the Rings Return of the King I was dressed as Gandalf and the officer told me to slow down or I shall not pass we had a laugh and he let me go after giving me a warning small town cops are the best I was once pulled over for a rolling stop through a stop sign of an otherwise empty intersection the cop said to me something along the lines of you shouldn't be driving like that with your daughter in the car with you I then let him know that he was actually my wife and not my daughter he turned a shade of red very similar to the lights on the roof of his car told us to have a nice day and went back to his car the humor and or embarrassment can usually get you out of the ticket as long as it's respectful not a cop but the cop at the courthouse where we got our listen Suze told us this one in Virginia you can have only one non family member under 18 and the car until you are 18 he pulled over this kid and his parents then filled with his friends who definitely were not a team he asked the kid if these were all his brothers and sisters the kid turned to him and said in the eyes of God we are he didn't get a ticket what is the craziest thing you've gotten away with that nobody has found out about I'll start last year during McDonald's last Monopoly contest I won a free quarter pounder so I cashed it in and the girl working there absent-mindedly handed me the free quarter pound a coupon sticker thing back the next day I got another free quarter pounder with the same coupon in sixth grade my teacher would give us read ticket stubs we could use to redeem for things as a reward for being good and such one day I'm at the party outlet store and I see that they're selling roles of these exact same stubs I get some and end up saving about a dozen for school sellers to be inconspicuous if the teacher saw her ticket system inflating like the German mark in the 30s she'd get suspicious fast forward to Christmas the teacher announces that we'll have a raffle for some Christmas gifts the last day of school before break and enter using our tickets I along with most other people had legitimately built up approximately ten or so it along with those I entered in my twelve counterfeits the day of the raffle comes and I was blown away our teacher went all out on this crap giant stuffed animals board games with metal pieces articles of clothing new hardcover books the works she starts the drawing for the various prizes and lo and behold I'm the first winner I got two giant stuffed snowmen half the size of me and I had to leave the room to put it in my locker I come back not five minutes later to find that I had won twice more it was like reverse karma no problem except I really don't want to win anything more Les Mis teacher gets care to go well I did keep winning between my several trips to the locker though I think Mae's teacher raffled off some of my stuff as a matter of wealth redistribution and I was nervous about my scheme imploding on me so I didn't contest I ended that day with a giant stuffed snowman and metal Simpsons chess set and some new clothing no one suspected a thing I had a date in a few days and then notice how he had a pimple on my ballsack it was a big one and was worried it would not go away in time to meet this girl I had the idea that if I applied wart remover it would speed up the healing process so on break I went to shoppers Drug Mart and bought some wart remover then I went to the bathroom and applied a healthy dose I went back to my desk cringing from the pain but happy that I could feel it working its magic he then someone complained off a smell in my direction I panicked then said yeah what is that smell I stuck my hand in my pocket and felt moisture then to my horror I could feel that I did not tighten the cap of the bottle I removed the bottle from my pocket soaked in the stuff and dropped it under my desk then beelined back to the bathroom I locked the door took my pants off and washed the heck out of the pocket then dried the heck out of my pants I got back to my desk and felt no one could link me to the crime soon people really started to complain about the smell then someone walked into the office and said the bathroom stunk like some chemical then the managers made us all move to the other side of the floor my manager said they would bring some maintenance people to investigate the smell I went pale when I remembered that the bottle was still under my desk so I slipped away went the long way around and returned to the other side of the floor I retrieved the bottle noticed that the cap was often the wart remover was soaked into the carpet tie then beeline to the bathroom and flushed the bottle down the toilet and snuck back with the rest of the group we worked away and then the maintenance guys came and looked for the smell it was bad one of the guys got sick and we were ordered to leave the floor as we were leaving I heard a maintenance guy talking about how bad it was and should care the building he pulled the fire alarm we stood outside and I watched in amazement as floods of people poured out of the 32 storey building then fire trucks came an hour went by and we were told it was not safe to return into the building and they were brining a specialist from Toronto to investigate we all went home the next day I casually asked if they ever found out what the snow was they never did I was always a little worried they would see me being suspicious on camera or something but no it was never found what the smell was it happened when I was in grade five it started out like any other morning I woke up showered and brushed my teeth got ready for school the usual stuff I guess when I was putting on my clothes in the morning I didn't take the time to check them out as I pulled them out of the dryer fast forward to some time later that day while I was sitting in class there were two girls that sat next to me who were giggling their little heads off I look over at them and they then point down as my gaze moves towards the floor the look of sheer terror on my face must have been priceless they're hanging out the bottom of my pants is a very small very white and tight pair of very kiddush underwear with a giant skidmark running up the back but these were my underwear there was nothing I could do I had been busted as the girls started to laugh louder more people started to look and eventually the teacher called back to see what all the commotion was about but I was freaked why then did the only thing that I could do I lifted the underwear as high as I could above my head and told the teacher that some little kid must have left their underwear behind in class this could have happened over the lunch period the entire class started roaring with laughter kids were laughing at how small they were the big crap stain the fact that it was underwear at school I think the design was like little teddy bears or something which didn't help either and like a champ i sat there stone-cold not even flinching I held them between B index and thumb and discus like what kind of stupid little kid left their underwear under my desk I even cracked a joke about the crap staying the teacher saved the day when she said that they were obviously too small and too childish for anyone in the fifth grade and made me throw them in the garbage out in the hall the whole class move and it was never brought up again when I was in the fifth grade my class took a trip to Washington DC and part of the trip included a visits to various Smithsonian museums since we had a large class we were split into groups to visit different museums at the same time I was part of the group who to rady the Holocaust Museum the tour was great very illuminating for a ten-year-old to be packed into a train car and see the horrifying images of the atrocity but the tour was the shortest of the three groups so we ended up in the large open lobby bookstore of the museum while we waited for the other groups during this wait I got bored and knowing me I tend to get in trouble when I'm bored so I looked for something helpful to do to keep me out of trouble I found a rag and started dusting bookshelves that lasted for about two minutes until I ran out of things to dust and we were still waiting then I saw something I had never seen before a fire alarm with a very dusty plastic cover on it I wanted to be helpful so I went over and dusted it but most of the dust was on the inside of the cover so I lifted it and all heck broke loose the sound echoed through the entire building and I was frantically trying to get it to shut off when this enormous security guard came over and slammed the cover shut then stood over me looking like he was about to eat me several people ran for the exits and a few women I remember screamed at the sudden very loud noise everyone was looking at me when it was shut off I have never since been so absolutely petrified I have also never been more relieved than when one of the chaperones of our group hurried over to claim me epilogue my teachers were already stressed out with the logistics of keeping so many kids together and safe fed water DTC on this trip that when they called me into their hotel room that night to talk they all agreed that they wouldn't tell my parents if I didn't and just left it at that when we got back home my parents were excited to tell me that I had received a letter from President Bill Clinton which basically said heard you were in town hope you enjoyed your visit since I was the only one in my class to get a letter like that I asked my teachers if they knew anything they told me that they had been interviewed by Secret Service agents at the music and were informed that the president was in an office in the building meeting with heads of the museum and had to be evacuated when the alarm sounded my parents didn't find out until I told them the story 12 years later but how perfectly classy of Clinton in college my buddy and I lived near a dude who we saw kick it and abused his dog when he and his wife were gone on an overnight trip we broke into their house and took the dog we had an adoptive family waiting in a nearby town I felt bad when the woman cried about the dog but she never stopped her old man from hurting the dog so I figured it was the right thing to do if ever there was a man that embodied chaotic good once as a kid I was in a friend's garden when I made a horrible mistake I thought I felt a fart coming on but it was not the case I crapped my pants my mom wasn't coming to pick me up for another hour and the horror of being found out wasn't worth it there was only one option open to me I promptly climbed to the top of the large tree that the garden contained my friend couldn't get up because he wasn't quite as acrobatic as I was I have no idea how I managed to keep up my facade for so long but I did then my mum came and I left with her coolly explaining the situation after I was away I guess it doesn't count as no one finding out but my reputation was unscathed it was about 3:00 a.m. in the financial district in SF and I was walking home from Minisink when I saw a balloon was blocking a corner pole tight traffic signal I figured I'd be a good Samaritan and climb up and pull it off about two-thirds of the way up the entire pole starting falling over on top of me i luckily jumped out of the way and watched as it smashed completely through the big plate glass window of the bar next door but no alarms or anything the streets were deserted so I ran went to a payphone and told the police that I had come across a traffic signal smashed through a bar at a certain intersection and went on my way clearly the balloon was put there to perfectly balance the pole in sixth grade the sixth-grade class was rewarded with fake money for being good students four times a year we had this event called store with the money that we earned we were able to purchase and sell items that students brought wanting to purchase as much crap as possible I made multiple photocopies of the fake money I bought so much freaking candy that year applying for college a few years back I was invited to interview for a USC scholarship they flew me down the day before the interview and showed the group of candidates the school I passed by this stand asking people to write a letter to the senator to support Darfur aid I figured why the heck not and wrote one out using their bullet points since I knew nothing about Dafa but the girl asking was real cute anyway the next day the interview was going so-so and the last question the interviewer asked was do you follow any current events we like our students to be well informed having wasted my life up till then I immediately blurted out the only current event I could remember the tragedy in Dafa I looked him in the eye and made an impassioned speech using the bullet points I had copied down not even a full day before his jaw dropped at seeing how much I cared and how well read I was and sent me off with a huge grin on his face two weeks later I got a full ride to USC see that's just smart if you are smart enough to cheat the system you completely deserve it my friend early on during my freshman year of college I met a really hot asian girl through a mutual friend we exchanged numbers and it turned out that she lived five floors above me in the same residence hall her roommate went home for the weekend so she invited me to watch a movie with her in her dorm room fast-forward a bit and we were lying in bed together watching some stupid movie this led to that and before I knew it we were making out the clothes came off I got on top of her and started kissing her neck worked my way down to her tea then to her stomach you get the idea arching up to get a good look at her figure and saw the most horrific sight I've seen in my entire life her whole body from her face all the way down to her bag was covered in blood my mind started to race thoughts flying a mile a minute as a tried to figure out what the frick happened I noticed that my nose felt runny so I wiped it with my hand and instantly smelled that all-too-familiar copper scent associated with a fresh bloody nose the up effectively slathered my bright red nose blood all over her body it looked like a murder scene thank freakin God the lights were off the girl opened her eyes a bit and asked me why I stopped engage Apollo 13 style problem-solving I could have just told her what happened only to have my reputation completely frickin shattered the second week into my college career no way I could never settle for that in what was probably less than a second I assess the problem and executed the only action I could muster a quick nothing babe followed by me retracing the path of blood I lay down on her with my tongue yep i lapped up and swallowed every last drop my blood or father body to my astonishment she didn't pick up the travesty I just navigated through and we kept fooling around even hooking up a few more times after the incident we actually became very good friends and we still hang out from time to time to this day she has no idea what happened I told my best friend this story right after it happened we now refer to it as the Nosferatu incident first you aroused me then you terrified me and then just when I thought it was all over you made me giggle like a child hum that sounds pretty weird reading it over oh well right on dude at 16 years of age flew to Minnesota to visit a cousin who had a decent amount of land his dad had a permit to purchase dynamite they were using it to basically blow a big hole in his swampy yard to make a duck pond somehow he got permission from his father to basically play with the stuff under the guise of clearing stumps off his property when it was time for me to fly home we still had 20 sticks left plus a generous amount of det cord and blasting caps which I talked him into letting me take it all with me each stick of dynamite was cut open and the content stuffed by hand into several two-liter bottles got the worst headache of my life and had my heart racing like crazy from nitroglycerin exposure these were loaded into my luggage and flew with me home blasting caps were very lovingly packaged and shipped via UPS ground kept these under my dresser waiting for the right moment fast forward a little over a year where I am working the graveyard shift attack Inc us in a strip mall and alone to close the store all the snow from a large parking lot had been pushed into a huge snow ice pile place 220 feet high in the center of the lot in the middle of the night I filled several 5-gallon buckets with hot water and made trips to the top of this ice hill pouring them to melting ice hole to the bottom primed charged with blasting cap lit five minutes off fuse and dropped charge to bottom of Hell then I booked it back to the safety of the closed and dark kinkers to watch the action from inside enormous boom and huge chunks of snow and ice a couple feet and D arm a terror are thrown all over the empty parking lot about 15-20 minutes later the parking lot is full of cop cars they had a car stationed there pretty much 24 stroke seven four weeks every time I went to work I was sure that they were somehow on to me never told anyone until now when I was 16 my friend and I were driving around in his parents car after they had left town they told him specifically not to take the car out we were a little high at the time and were basically just joyriding around my friend swerved on to the side lock the road and lost control of the car we spun around a couple of times then bashed against a concrete barrier totally wrecking the front and passenger side of the car after checking that we were both ok we drove the car off onto a nearby dirt road that led to a sugarcane field this was in Hawaii bTW got out of the car grabbed a fuel can in the trunk doused the car littered on fire then ran as fast as we could through the cane about 5 miles of running later we arrived back at his house and made a pact never to tell anyone what happened the next morning the cops show up at his house and he tells them that the car must have been stolen in the night and that he hadn't noticed since he was out until the morning with me wound up telling his parents the same story the insurance company did an investigation and wound up covering the cost of a new car a twenty-something years later his parents still believe that the car was stolen that night we've only spoken about it once since it happened you said you wouldn't tell anyone I have a similar story this was back in high school and during class my period started I only realised this when I stood up and noticed a big red stain on the seat I quickly grabbed a tissue and wiped it off during lunch fortunately no one had noticed but when I went to the bathroom I noticed a big reddish-brown stain on the bottom of my jeans it had been raining earlier that day and I walked out of the bathroom quickly to the lunch table my friends were at and purposefully sat down on a seat full of muddy water I jumped up and made a fuss about my ruined jeans while my friends laughed but the mud successfully covered up blended with the blood stain that ended up being my cover story for the rest of the day until I got home and threw my jeans in the wash nice cover luckily I did have to worry about a stain showing I went to private school and the underclassmen wore a dark blue and maroon wool plaid skirts freshman year of HS I had only been a woman having my period for a few months so I still wasn't quite familiar with how everything worked down there it was history class and the end of the day I had been worried about possible leakage but figured I could make it until I got home bell rings I get up and see red smudged on the seat Oh No I sit back down and glance around me pretending I'm waiting for the other students to exit the row so I can get up I waited until the classroom cleared stood up licked my finger and cleaned off the blood fast-forward to senior year I'm at retreat and we're broken up into groups of about ten classmates were laughing chatting about the early days of HS when one casually laughs and mentioned some girl freshman year bleeding on a seat in so-and-so's class I freeze up a bit but fake a grossed out face he had seen me but forgot it was me whew I read the first sentence and for some reason thought you were a transsexual in middle school my brother and I would go to odd jobs for an old man who lived down the street once or twice a week he was an auction hound so he constantly had new shipments of junk coming in we would organize it all move things around clean for him etc one day he told us to tackle the biggest challenge of all the garage that was where we had thrown all the crap that was too crappy to be organized with anything else so after hours of sifting through debris my brother found a small coffee can filled with superglue we never found out why it was filled with glue but it was so my brother being the semi arsonist that every boy was in middle school decided to drop a match into it then he took a can of spray paint and made a little flamethrower as he was going to get more paint he knocked the can over so now there's a bunch of flaming liquid on the ground he decides to throw thick bundles of newspaper on it to smother the flames herp derp the flames got bigger there was smoke billowing out from underneath the garage door this guy lived on the corner of two pretty big streets in town half the crap in there caught up I got soot all over me trying to put it out eventually my brother told me to go inside and do something else and that he will take care of the rest so I go back in and the guy asks me why I have soot all over me I made a curious face and said what he repeated the question I told him that it must have been dirt because I had just been sweeping the garage out rather violently he squints at me questioningly and says al righty my brother somehow put the fire out nobody called the fire department or anything we even cleaned up the garage after there are still burn marks on the ground there though and five or six years later I still have no freaking clue how he put that fire out when I was 16 I got caught breaking into a hotel pool bar to steal booze I ran was chased by cops evaded them and hid they eventually found me so I ran again i evaded them again and managed to avoid being chased I hid again found a disguise left my hiding place and walked right past them back to my original hotel by the time the evening was over I had spent over an hour evading more than a dozen police officers through three hotels and a beach in two different outfits I had more adrenaline pumped through my veins than some people do in a lifetime and basically made a fool out of the entire police department holy crap that's super crazy what's the biggest freak up whoever made that was fixed before anyone knew about it instead of charging a customer's credit card for 150 dollars I charged fifteen thousand dollars and it went through I ran up to a private office and immediately called the issuing bank tell them what happened and they made it as if nothing happened I did something similar once and right in front of the customer I immediately voided the transaction through the machine and just gave him both copies stapled together so I work in a cnc workshop and we often engrave stuff this particular guy wanted a nice wooden jewelry box for their wedding anniversary with a custom message he emailed me for some reason he choose to give the box to his wife at the workshop not the most romantic place I can think of but whatever wife starts to look confused and tear up you don't remember the date guy turns pale looks at me says no I'm sure it's a mistake to me no I've copied it straight can't be removed wait a minute oMG it's my fault I'm so sorry I will redo it right away no need to pay please accept it as a gift wife gets angry a bit at me but they leave with a different box and the correct date guy comes back next day and pays triple the original price without a word freaking smooth my mom is a very soft-spoken gentle woman only hurt her curse once in my life very old-fashioned super kind so innocent she's amazing as a teenager I was a rebellious little crap always up to no good I had a best friend whose parents were super religious we met at Christian private school and we would get into mischief with each other one time we were out around 2:00 a.m. and went to another friend's house we hadn't talked in years that went to the Christian school with us we knocked on his window and asked him to sneak out but he said he couldn't even in turn apparently told his parents about it and his parents contacted my friend's parents if we got into any more trouble together we weren't going to be allowed to hang out anymore so one night my friend and I row one bicycle about ten miles to go to this girl's house taking turns sitting on the handlebars but we had a reason for wanting to go but we didn't stay long so after our long arduous journey we set out on our return trip not five minutes after embarking a cop pulls up and stops us it's around four five in the morning and I hadn't even thought about curfew being a thing he called up both our parents and my mom came to pick us up he wasn't able to reach my friend's parents so he left a message on the machine knowing this was the inevitable force termination of our friendship I convinced my mother to drive to his house on a covered mission he lived out in the boonies so when we arrived at his house she had to turn off her lights and drive stealthily down his country road off a driveway he snuck inside while his parents slept deleted the message off the machine and we escaped scot-free till this day I still can't believe my mother did that for us super og crap totally uncharacteristic of her my friend and I are still in contact decades later even though he lives in Thailand thanks mom only heard her curse once in my life mom you need to turn the lights off when you turn into the driven goddammit Billy I think I know how to handle a stealth mission was taking care of my neighbor's bird and he flew out the house as I opened the door and went over and behind it I shat bricks cause she really loves the bird and had it for a while heard him chirping on the trees behind the house and kept calling him mango mango mango he came to the windowsill and i lured him in with food but best believe I didn't let him out of his cage after that started an apprenticeship in IT and was work fully under qualified I was given the responsibility of maintaining the intranet site for our whole department obviously given a role that's internal so I couldn't freak up customer-facing things they underestimated my power on one cheery Friday evening when half my department had gone home Miley I was experimenting on the site creating and deleting test pages in a hidden area I got two different delete buttons on the same page mixed up and accidentally deleted the whole site there is no undo I didn't have access to the changelog what I did have was another tab open with the same site on it in edit mode that I forgot I had I hit Save Changes on that page and voila everything is back after changing my pants I went home and spent the whole weekend terrified that my boss would find out they never did fast forward two years I've been training hard and now I design systems for our staff never freaked up that bad again yet two different delete buttons on the same page well there's your problem when I was in high school my parents had a VW Golf and a station wagon I had keys to both cars although I normally drove the golf because it was a GTI and a hoot to drive and a local mall had the movie theater arcade and food court all near one particular entrance which was normally my preferred place to park one Saturday I didn't have much going on so I got up drove the station wagon to them all played some games tooled around for a bit hung out with friends then got in my car and went home when I got home both my parents were gone which was weird but I thought it's cool I can watch what I wanted on TV so I grabbed a bag of chips and started watching some movie on HBO about an hour or so into the movie I realized hey wait a minute I didn't drive the Gulf to the mall but I drove the Gulf home oh crap I realized my parents had driven to the mall in the Gulf and used the exact same parking area I used when I got out of the mall I must have seen the Gulf just got in it and absent-minded driven home my parents were still at them all had been for over an hour which was a record for my dad and I was certain my father was in the midst of calling the cops to report a stolen car I jumped into the Gulf drove as quickly as I could back to them all and my mother seemed the way I drove she would have killed me by some miracle the exact spot my parents had parked in was available so I parked the car I then walked the couple rows over and got into the station wagon and drove home my parents came home like thirty minutes later I asked them how the mall was and my father started bitching about how my mother made him shop for a new bedroom set or whatever but other than that it was fine I didn't tell them that story until I was into my late 20s submitted coursework from module B on the due date of module a would have been and also fail however the system derped out and the teacher didn't receive any work from about half the class and asked us to email her a copy I sent her the work for module II only realizing i whould failed outright once I saw what had done everyone in the class complaining about delayed grades and how they should file a complaint I'm just sitting there thanking whatever divinity watched over that transaction always growing up my mom told me not to overload the dryer it was one of those fancy expensive ones and she didn't wanted to break for years she said this and I never took her seriously then one time after I moved out there had me house sit for a weekend I brought literally all my laundry and washed it in a single load stupid I know ended up breaking the dryer they were coming home the next day Sunday I went full repairman and took the entire thing apart or at least getting the whole front off and getting into the meat of the thing turned out I snapped the band called everywhere and no one had the band ended up finding this random store downtown that specialized in washer and dryer repairs went in and bought a band similar to what I needed went home put it on and put everything back together took up my entire Saturday it's been three years and my mom still doesn't know B never tell her to or any future problems of that Ryba come your problems source fixing computers for everyone who knows I'm better at computers than they are is n H when I was in high school I was dating this guy for a few months I decided to send him a nude while I was getting ready for school I took the picture attached a detailed sext even though the most we had ever done was over the clothes touching and hit Send and finished up getting ready five minutes later I'm in the backseat of my mom's car and I opened my phone to check for a reply I realized I sent it to my mom instead I silently freaked out before I realized she obviously hadn't seen it yet or else everything wouldn't be so calm right now I saw her purse on the console between the front seats phone peaking out with a text notification I grabbed it as quickly as I could she asked what I was doing and I just said I'm checking to see if I'm getting texts I deleted it triple checked and deleted all evidence from my own phone - I'm almost 24 now and I still am super cautious anytime I send anything even slightly questionable to anyone I won't text my sister something with a curse word in it unless I check the recipient box twice I was sexting my GF one day and my mom had texted during that process and I ended up replying to her message instead of my gf I still get crap about it and it's been about 10 years yep I told my mom I wanted her to sit on my face okay not mine but a mate basically when he was a kid him and his brother were fooling around and throwing things at each other in the yard a wayward throw sent the projectile right onto the windscreen of his dad's car cracking it they decided not to face the music and just went inside without saying anything the next morning the dad before leaving for what comes in and says you wouldn't believe it I was hosing the ice off the windscreen and it bloody cracked it Lux Gill mak'st friends and I decided one night at 14 years of age it would be a fun idea to borrow one of our mum's cars it was the first night I drove a car and the first time I crashed a car drove it home and cleaned the dirt off painted a rock bill and threw it at the mangled bumper friends mum reportedly came home that day with a story about how some jerk must have hit her in the parking lot at work and driven off it wasn't until about 7 years later she apparently turned to him one night and said hey you know how my car got damaged the wall back was at you he confirmed and she replied oh well at least insurance covered it so les fix and more cover up frame job I spilt red wax all over cream carpet when I was about 16 then carefully cleaned it all up using printer paper and an iron you lay the paper over the wax iron on low heat and it transfers the wax from the carpet to the paper what made it harder was that my mum one of those really particular house proud people was napping in the next room whole time had to do all of it without waking her up when we moved out there was a tiny stain still there but she never picked up on it until then reminds me of what my wife did in our first rented place together she spilled wax on the carpet and used the trick where you put down brown paper and use an iron except she had the iron way too hot and melted the cheap carpet it left an imprint of the iron and we had to pay to have it replaced when we moved out as an undergrad in college I worked in a research lab for the school's chemical engineering department My partner and I were making a reactor that could contain hydrogen gas hydrogen gas is the smallest molecule there is which makes it very difficult to effectively contain we made our prototype reactor and needed to test it to make sure it was sealed tight and could handle high internal pressure to do this we submerge it in a 55-gallon barrel of water and kept pumping air into it to see if any bubbles escaped we kept filling it with air and didn't see any bubbles and wanted to know at what pressure had started to leak so we kept pumping air in it didn't leak it exploded fortunately the explosion was contained by the water but all that air being rapidly released blew all the water out of the barrel and flooded our professor's lab there was no drain in the floor in case of a chemical spill you don't want that hitting the public water supply so we had to break into the janitor's closet and got the entire lab cleaned up to this day our professor still doesn't know about it and it wasn't even the only time we accidentally blew something up or flooded his lab and our project wasn't to design the reactor the reactor was one component of the larger project I can guarantee you if your professor knew they just tell you it's the tenth time that happened good job cleaning it up I got my parents car impounded before going to work I managed to find the people who called to tow it I found the guy who towed the car itself he gave me a right to the impound lot it cost me around dollar-sign 500 to get it back no one ever knows narrator but someone didn't know I used to work at a call center for a popular gift company this one couple calls up and says we need to cancel our order I'll look it up until then ups already has the order to deliver it but they tell me you don't understand we are sending this to our son and his wife we accidentally put his ex-wife's name on the card it will ruin Christmas if they receive this gift I was finally able to call ups and get them to not deliver the package not my screw-up but dang whoa I think that's one of the best I've read in this thread I can almost taste the feeling of panic when I was 17 I worked for the city's newspaper and one of my Jobs was to add up all the orders for the next day's papers so they could print what they needed once I made a huge error and they printed off thousands of extra papers I was very lucky they covered up for me quietly disposed of the extra papers and didn't tell the boss I was just asked very nicely to never ever do it again the day I learned how to take apart a VCR and put it back together again will be forever in my memory I was 14 and like most 14 year olds any excuse to yank it is enough it found my dad's piece - home alone for an hour let's do this after about 10 minutes of my dad's well-worn 90s bootleg porno the tape decided to jam Akili trying to eject the tape and making things worse Frick let's just say the blood wasn't in my brain at this point grabbed a screwdriver and disassembled the VCR carefully removed the tape without breaking the ribbon and wound it back so it looked and searched I put the VCR back together and reheat the porno so my dad wouldn't find out and I never was questioned about it the biggest kicker about it all is that my dad is no longer with us and as an adult now I'd love to tell him this story as he would find it hilarious imagining me in a flat panic trying to repair a VCR mid-length I have a lot of adolescence things like that well not master bakery just silly juvenile stuff that I would love to tell my dad now it's hard when you lose them before their time sorry for your loss when I was in first grade I was carrying a Tupperware tray of cookies into the school lobby for a class party mom has taken me to school early rather than the usual bus ride a few feet into the school I tripped and the cookies scattered all over the lobby floor the school principal was the only witness I was mortified and started to cry he quickly picked up all the cookies and placed them all back in the container and told me it's all right nobody will ever know go on to class I did my classmates and teacher ate all the cookies complete with high traffic Lobby cooties sorry mr. Kinnison I just couldn't hold our dirty little secret to my death like we agreed now we are both died in prison I broke my parents car's front bumper then they didn't realize right away drove the car and totaled it they never knew dang that's luck all right being a young inexperienced driver my mother asked me to move my sister car so she could back out well 14 year old me goes casually walking to my sister's car I get in and crank it up with no problem check my mirrors and buckled up like a good driver that's when crap got real I put the car in reverse slowly backing up until my heel slips causing me to put all my weight onto the gas pedal sending this 2001 Monte Carlo flying out of the driveway across the street and into the neighbor's yard luckily in the craziness I was able to break and come to a complete stop realizing I was okay I laughed my butt off but then fear set in as I got out to inspect for damage and holy crap there was none nothing knocked loose and the vehicle ran smoothly so I casually moved my sister's car out of the neighbor's yard and off to the side where I intended to go and to my surprise no one in the house heard it and I went about the rest of the day thinking I was a slider mother sucker I very nearly injected a premature baby that had Down syndrome with ten times the amount of lasix I was supposed to give him I had put the decimal in the wrong place when I did the maths on the dose that baby would almost certainly have died if I'd given it to him I had the liquid drawn up in the syringe and had the syringe actually in the port ready to push through before I looked inside the chamber and realized how uncharacteristically full it seemed pediatric IV doses of anything are simply tiny I was supposed to give him 0.1 MLS and nearly gave him 1.0 MLS I needed a very large cup of tea after that I was on line manager for an organization about a decade ago I was super tired and working late one Friday night when I screwed up and deleted their entire website I threw up I were doing maintenance message and spent the next eight hours trying to find another copy of the code discovering along the way that the organization did not have a single working backup in the end I went to the Internet Archive and saw that some of the text was there so I went home at 4:00 in the morning slept for a couple of hours and was back in the office by 7:00 a.m. sat I then spent the entire weekend locked in my seat grinding away to recreate the entire website from scratch graphics JavaScript applets forms HTML e.t.c e.t.c etc I walked out the door about 4:00 a.m. Monday morning and then wandered him to the office by 9:00 a.m. like nothing had happened the only fallout was a slow stream of calls and emails over the next six months saying that my page seems to have disappeared which I blamed on a succession of different made-up reasons I once was configuring the network firewall of the University I worked on and accidentally and without realizing toggle to switch that effectively cut all internet access of the university I realized it only when someone in the room asks another person about the internet being weird then it hit me my heart started racing as I went back and correct the configuration setting I cast the university from the world for about five minutes it probably affected about 150 K people at the very least the internet glitch was the official Danos what life protip have you learned from reddit that you still use every time the situation presents itself a redditor once remarked on how he realized how much he didn't know about a topic he was really passionate about he then said something along the lines of reserving our judgement for things we know very little about like stuff that's covered in the news etc I've taken that advice to heart and become less judgmental about things I don't know very much about it's made me less angry less depressed and less skeptical about the world in general when microwaving food casserole pasta et Cie make it in the shape of a ring or a doughnut basically have it hollowed out in the middle it heats up significantly quicker and more evenly if you're afraid to check your bank account check your bank account not filing in the tur field in an email until I am completely done with the email save me a lot of badly written emails half-finished emails and emails I never sent because I had time to think better of it I know it was on Reddit and I am not sure if it was a real PT but you judge others by their actions and yourself by your intentions really put things into perspective when I thought out why people do the things they do and how they perceive what I do the comment period Keys move YouTube videos one frame backward and forward respectively when you are trying to resolve an issue where someone else made an error put the focus on the error and not a person example of this that I use almost every day at work someone sends me an email without the attachment instead of saying you didn't send the attachment I say the attachment didn't come through please try sending it again it doesn't seem like a huge deal but people are more likely to become defensive or hostile when you blame them even if it was their fault it has saved me a lot of headaches at work if you keep a baseball bat in your car for protection put a sock over it if they grab the bat they will only get the sock and you will get another swing put a baseball glove in your car too your lawyer will thank you if this goes to court because you defended yourself with a bat I read this somewhere else the advice I read one time don't put it down pull it away it has reduced the clutter in my home dramatically when I am walking on a sidewalk approaching a group of people heading towards me I slowed down to a pace slower than theirs so they make room for me to pass someone on reddit described how people subconsciously yield to whoever is going more slowly generally works not making fun of people's laugh I've literally seen the joy leave a person's face after making a joke about someone's laugh makes me sad thinking about it I laughed like the girl on hot funds but with a pitch like Bea Arthur it's so dickish when someone makes fun of it because I was having a good time for a second my favorite has been if I'm planning on buying something but last-minute decide against it still take the money and put it in savings even if it's $5 to $10 I was ready to spend the money anyways so why not save it this has really helped me build up a small savings in the last year I avoid awkward hallway scuffles by looking at the direction I want to go it works every single time I read this not on reddit but on a Frank Ocean message board totally random I know it definitely works and I use it all the time I live in Brooklyn walking down the street can be like playing football this solves all those awkward moments using pistachios shells to open the really hard to open pistachios it's fine to add an explanation after an apology however do not preface it with but because then it just sounds like you are trying to make excuses blinka is rapidly for a minute before bed to tire yourself out if this is real then this is a game changer instead of saying I know say you're right lair I love you hon you're right I look at my gas gag to see on which side the tank lid is every time I've had this car for quite some time thanks ribbit taking something with me that belongs on the other floor every time I go upstairs or downstairs makes tidying up more efficient in the restaurant business we call this full hands in full hands out never enter or leave the kitchen without something that belongs wherever you're going works in a lot of situations saran wrap cling wrap goes in your freezer that makes the product actually work it's only being used once but when you're caught in a Riptide swim parallel to shore not directly forwards in order to escape about a week ago my brother and I were out in the ocean and a wave crashed over us my hair was plastered to my face and I couldn't see in the time that I took to get the hair out of my eyes we realized we had been pushed out and couldn't touch the ground at all we were getting further and further from shore we were struggling for about 20 minutes against the current until he remembered that LPT and we both swam sideways like crazy my cousin had luckily alerted our uncle and he was able to get us back in once we could touch the ground again thanks ribbit got caught in one when I was a teenager with a few other friends I knew this LPT but in panic mode I completely forgot it I swam towards the shore just felt like I was swimming backwards I thought I was gonna drown but luckily I made it out completely exhausted and collapsed when I made it to shore but it was scarier than a day at the beach as any right to be on the topic of big goals someone on our roster and it said to focus on the path in front of you rather than the top of the mountain this has helped me complete small but necessary daily tasks like homework and whatnot always go see a movie and then get dinner so you can talk about the movie afterwards I love it it makes me way more comfortable on dates wiping the water are [ __ ] my body with my hands and the shower before getting out and towel drying adding on to this I squeegee myself and then dry off with a towel while still standing in the tub saves a lot of water on the floor then I dry my feet as I step out and my rug stays dry being secretive about winning the lottery can save your life and potentially others never claim large lottery winnings yourself set up a trust or company or get a lawyer to do it for you claim the lottery winnings as the trust company no one will be able to know you won the lottery unless you tell them and most importantly just don't tell anyone or Yano don't play the lottery check the pressure in your spare tire and know how to use the jack before going on a trip I always forget about this when filling my tires I have three extra minutes of air if you are nervous about any kind of public speaking volunteer to go first you get it done and over with quickly you are able to relax for the rest of the class conference or what have you and most importantly your audience depending on the setting is too worried about their own presentation speech to care about yours I also paired this with advice to bring visual aids example being I needed to explain why my state is unique so I brought photos for each table to pass in shots of maple syrup pretty sure only the facilitator was looking at me the entire time everyone else was busy looking at photos and taking shots of maple syrup setting a timer for 10 minutes every time I walk through the front door to clean tidy stops it building up and goes really quick so doesn't feel like a chore hurting read it instead of read it and the URL makes the subreddit of your choosing a slideshow extremely useful if you need both hands-free for up stuff can't believe I went 28 years of my life before finally learning this on reddit if you spread your cheeks as you sit down you have a lot less wiping to do my wife thinks it's super weird that I've always done this I remember reading a thread about signs that someone is interested in you I remember clearly that they'll look at you if they see or hear something funny it helped me resolve exactly one potentially uncomfortable situation in my life making it by far the most useful advice I have ever gotten from ridet when the power goes out search for Wi-Fi networks on your phone to see if everyone's power is out except don't look my way got my modem and router on the UPS if something takes less than 15 minutes just do it right now instead of putting it off time lazy as Frick if left to my own devices and this has helped me become a better housekeeper and be much more productive when giving advice use the phrase perhaps in replacement of I think so it comes off more as a suggestion and not an opinion it will be more likely to be heard and taken into consideration perhaps therefore I am if you're at a large park or event with your kids take a picture of them just as you walk in the door if by some chance they get lost you have a picture that shows exactly what they look like and what they were wearing if you get lightheaded a lot when standing up make it a habit to clench your abs every time you stand up it sounds weird but it works I subconsciously do it all the time now instead of saying I assumed say I was under the impression it legitimately works wonders I tried this at my work my boss responded you what you're under the wrong freaking impression bud I had writer's block for the longest time what got me out of it was one piece of advice that can work for nearly anything right one sentence and see where it goes don't overthink it so criticize the ideas just jump in and do it it really works and some of my best writing came from using that technique letting the plot write itself and break away from my initial ideas of how I thought it was supposed to go it can apply to anything just one step one phone call one new accomplishment outside of your comfort zone jump in and get going this reminds me of an overpriced poster flag that says in cliché Helvetica create something today even if it sucks I tend to abandon most projects do too factionism and this mantra has helped me a lot I'm pretty sure it was a LPT might have been an asteroid response but it was in relation to a six second rule have to get something done and don't want to start it count down from six and force yourself to do it I have no idea why it works or why the number six was chosen but I applied it to the menial tasks in my life I don't want to do and it's worked extremely well I figured this out when I was young and didn't want to get out of bed for school never thought of applying it to other things though open a bag of chips and roll the bottom in so it creates its own self standing bowl people are always impressed I'm the life of the party with this one get a dash cam fortunately I haven't had to use it to defend myself but the thought of not having it when I need it brings me absolute anxiety now there have been a few instances where I've almost hit idiot drunk pedestrians and if I didn't have that - come running I would have been very very screwed if I did hit them and they lawyered up knowing that I have a - come running also improves my motorist habits significantly keep the music down obey the speed laws don't use the phone no evasive lane changes and no speeding up to try and beat a yellow light where I obviously won't with the dash cam I Drive like there's an insurance broker riding shotgun and the jury in the backseat if someone won't shut up drop something they'll pause when you go to pick it up use that opportunity to speak as you pick up whatever you dropped when I buy ice cream I enclose it in an airtight plastic bag after I open it this keeps the ice cream soft free tangling your headphones grab both ends with one hand your finger in the middle pull tight and twist aprox 9 times then let them naturally curl up and make sure you don't run anything through the loop when you side them in your pocket when you take them out they may look tangled but will unravel perfectly when you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night plus one until after you finish peeing and turn off the bathroom light the either was closed we'll be able to see in the darkness and you will be able to get back to your room without stubbing your toe or tripping or just leave the light off and sit down to pee no blindness no mess don't make the mistake of thinking that so better or worse things are always going to like be there right now you have been visited by the romantic girl comment love is magic so you never fall in the friendzone if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 171,132

Rating: 4.8221154 out of 5

Keywords: 1 hour, reddit 1 hour, compilation, slightly breaking the law, life pro tips, real life, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2019, people of reddit, sub, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: 536nL6SQnkU

Length: 72min 29sec (4349 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 18 2020