Dumb People Of The Emergency Room (Doctor Stories r/AskReddit)

a doctors of reddit what is one of your favorite dis dumb boss cases you have experienced in regards to the patient the woman who got into a fight with her husband took out a handgun and fired into the ground to teach him a lesson she shot herself in the foot that must have looked really funny for the husband though man came in with a rubber band doubled around one finger the finger was blue another doctor and I just looked at the finger then looked at him the unspoken question never answered was why build the thing that bothered me then and to this day was when it started hurting why didn't you take the rubber band off my friend's dad is a vet he once told me that a lady took her cat in because it kept getting sick meowing odeon throwing up he later came out she was force-feeding her cat Froot Loops for dessert as if it were a completely normal thing to do here have some freaking dessert you freaking cat I remember a patient who came in with eye rotation from the beginning it was clear something unusual was going on there was an alarming amount of plant material packed under his eyelids while rinsing it out for him he explained he was vacuum sealing marijuana and opened the lid of a tube to look inside the actual physics of how this happened from a vacuum sealer are not clear to me I think he was reluctant to admit he was pressurizing it to create extracts but whatever in any case he received a face full of pressurized marijuana most of which seemed to collect under his eyelids after pressurizing a container full of weed and promptly opening at inches from his face to look inside Dumbo the actual physics of how this happened from a vacuum sealer are not clear to me air rushes in and picks up the particulate and momentum causes it to pressurize over ambient so it blasts back out carrying the debris it will continue to cycle back and forth as it equalizes but the initial gassed will be quite powerful well military medicine is a tad bit different but same thing applies I had this marine coming with a big hole through his left foot and as I'm asking him what were you doing at the time and how did it happen he replied I was at the range and I wanted to see if my steel toe boots were bulletproof I guess not doc that's the most Marines thing I've ever read okay I'm going to chuck in my paramedic not a doctor story this was only a few months back a man decided to impress a group of women by jumping from the first floor of a building on to a group of umbrellas set up for an alfresco dining area on the street below he actually told us he intended to bounce from one to the next to the next et Cie etc went straight through the first umbrella of course shattered the bones in both his lower legs instead this was a man in his 40s I actually asked him you're in your 40s and you're still using silly playground tricks to impress chicks he at least had the sense to look embarrassed I then asked him so what happened to the women oh they just laughed at me while looking over the edge similar story in regard to the age went to a concert for a once-popular punk band popular in Australia anyway back in the 90s this bloke again in his 40s thought he would relive his youth by doing a stage dive just like in the movies the crowd parted and he crashed on through to the floor instead had a head laceration and blood everywhere he had shaved his head into a mohawk seemingly that day the bull part was very white he just looked like an idiot a scribe here one time a patient came in complaining of severe eye pain with visual disturbances and both eyes which started about three weeks prior edie doc asked if they wore contacts and they said yes and that they knew why their eyes started hurting they hadn't been cleaning or removing their contacts before that initial three weeks then they kept frickin wearing them for those three weeks until they came to the air they were another couple days away from losing their vision permanently the women with five kids who when asked at her midwife act if she needs contraceptive advice goes oh no he always pulls out genuinely believes her five soon to be six kids are immaculate conception dealing my odds and Ginny block at med school woman comes in for an abortion asked about contraception says he always pulls out the EMT has strapped my brother to the gurney literally said you've done a stupid-ass thing today kid as he did it my brother got into my dad's toolshed and started up the freakin chainsaw when no one but us very young kids were home he was 15 and I guess thought he could handle it but I was about 11 so I can't even begin to tell you what he needed it for anyway it kicked back real hard when he turned it on and he panicked and dropped it and completely chained sawed off what seemed like half his foot but ended up just being four or five toes in part of the very top right side the EMT had to turn off the chainsaw when the ambulance arrived because neither me or my brother could do it we literally had to wait while my brother and I held a shirt to his foot we also had to tie a sleeve around this leg because the lady on the phone told us to well the EMT carefully snuck up on a running chainsaw and turned it off he was fine but those toes are toast and he's now a 29 year old father of four with a prosthetic insert for all his right shoes another military medicine tale you Zephir at zero three zero zero guy shows up with a shriveled and black dong I asked him what happened turns out he contracted gonorrhea from a rach downtown and was too ashamed to go to how GD clinic for treatment wrapped a rubber band several times around the base of his dong to stop the discharge end result was a trip back to the US and a lot of surgery I got a lot of these stories 22 years in military medicine this is not my story nor do I know how true it is but I don't see why it would be a lie my high school biology teacher has a best friend who isn't a physician the doctor told my teacher a story who then passed it on to us about a drunk and belligerent college kid who came in unconscious he woke up to a catheter in him and walked into the hallway urine bag in hand demanding the doctor take it out after the doctor refused he got angry and decided to throw the bag at the doctor who promptly stepped out of the way you can imagine what happened next I work in a hospital have had to remove bottles of ethanol based hand sanitizer from the rooms of patients who have alcohol addictions they actually try drinking the stuff yuck yep this is practically what killed my sister my own dumb boss case here in summer of 2014 me and my friends were freaking around with a blue gun we gladly used rolled-up papers as ammo a friend of mine decided to aim at me and blow as he blowed I turned my head away and suddenly I heard a bang followed by the loudest ringing sound the paper penetrated right through my eardrum while I turned what are the odds after I went to the doctor's he told me he hasn't experienced something like this dumb ever ringing sound went away after six weeks as a man who suffers from tinnitus I can say you got off lucky patient here was chopping wood wearing flip-flops at the cottage was 90 minutes from the hospital and axed myself in the foot luckily I missed all the important bits and just needed 20-something stitches emmerich doc tells me they have a word for people like me see shirt an idiot from the city I was not offended in residency my so sore patient with severe lacerations to the vagina come to find out she and her old man were having a rather passionate time and being a good man he wanted to spice it up looking about he didn't see what he wanted so he ran to the kitchen grabbed her I am NOT making this up star cookie cutter put it on his manhood and ran back and sliced her pee into ribbons how many vodka Jass must suffer before our government puts a warning label on star cookie cutters what the frig I worked as a scribe in the IDI had a blacklisted patient come in looking for pain meds computer records say her last visit was maybe six months prior during the exam she told us it was her first time at his hospital sir my physician says so you're saying you were never here back in March 2016 what about December 2015 no do you have a identical twin who may be using your name because that's the only way I believe you were never here oh this is very serious then I think we have a case of identity theft going on hold on just a moment and I can contact PD for you the patient quickly remembered her previous visits and eloped shortly after that conversation I worked and volunteered as a firefighter EMT this damn bus got into a fight with his girl while driving along so she pulls over and kicks him out of the car she drives off and he starts walking a short while later she after picking up for her mother drives back by in this dumb bus to sides he is going to kick the car the moving car the car going 50 miles an hour the only thing holding his foot on below the ankle was a thin bit of skin and muscles his heel was touching the back of his leg he got to enjoy a lot of morphine during his helicopter flight to the trauma center I worked as a nine one one call taker for awhile I get a call from a woman who said her friend's son sent her a picture of her 19 new kid with a snakebite she's not there with him but is on the way I get his number and call him hi I'm monster mayhem from emergency services I got a call that you were bitten by a snake what happened dude was bitten on the hand by a rattlesnake the day before not unusual rattlesnakes are common in this neck of the woods and people like to pick them up for some reason I start getting an ambulance rolling his way and asked about his condition his hand is black bull and swollen as Frick it hurts but he hasn't really done anything about it he's at home watching TV scene safety is drilled into us from the get-go even though it's been 24 hours since the bite I asked if he knows where the snake is in her tank of course silly me who doesn't have a freaking pet venomous snake before I could get farther into that line of questioning the ambulance pulls up so I'll SM deal with it I monitor the call for the next few hours super unusual to have a call like that go on for so long usually they pick him up and take him to the hospital not long after the bus gets there police are called out apparently this dumb boss was trying to commit suicide by snakebite I say dumb boss because it can kill you and it's going to hurt the entire time dying I don't know what happened to the snake I think Animal Control politely refused the call and they had to get a specialist to deal with it I work at an animal hospital one of the techs told me a lady called in one day and was frantic because her dog ate some capsule that was on the ground outside she then told our tech that there was another capsule on the ground so the lady herself decided to ingest it to feel what her dog felt apparently avocado hand is a thing for the unaware avocado hand is a colloquial name for a mechanism of injury where someone holds one half of an avocado in one hand and tries to remove the stone with a knife they slip and stab themselves in the hand woman couldn't afford an IUD but wanted to have a similar type of birth control so she figured if she used superglue it would do the trick but so she came in with severe burning to her cervix yep super good cervix yep not a doctor nine-one-one operator and EMT I had someone call one night because their girlfriend burned herself with a pot of hot water he told me it happened about 20 minutes prior to him calling and in the meantime he had slathered on butter to cool her wound quite shocked at that I said oh no so we do not put butter on burns and Lee was like wait is that bad growing up we always held a frozen stick of butter on burns at some point it's changed to dunking it in a bowl of ice water but I never quite knew what the logic for butter was it's not a specific event but it is the people that had come into emergency along the lines of this I've been having chest pain for three months and decided to come in today because I was driving by or I have a doctor's appointment at 4:00 p.m. but I have some free time now we told this person that we're refusing to see them and that they can wait until their appointment not only are they wasting our time and money the emergency doc but the family doc that now has a no-show for an hour slot bTW this is in Canada so usually no charges to the patient or no shows and being seen in emergency a thirtysomething year-old lady came in with vaginal bleeding nothing else noteworthy going on no abdominal pain no stinging when she peed no abnormal discharge no fevers and the bleeding wasn't particularly heavy her last period was four weeks earlier and she had regular for weekly periods surprise surprise period I was the patient I was cooking latkes potato pancakes drunk at 2:00 a.m. latkes are cooked in a heavy bottomed skillet full of oil I forgot about this and decided to do the pan flip thing dousing my entire arm and getting burnt really badly doctor asked me if there were at least good latkes I was on a clinical rotation in school and someone took something like 11 benadryl trying to get high poor thing got her stomach pumped and ended up on a psych hold restrained to her bed because she was too loopy to communicate and family and staff assumed a suicide attempt because she hadn't had any substance abuse in her past to their knowledge a guy came in today with a perforated colon he claimed it was from an ice cube he inserted while in the shower I'm a medic responded to a call for an eye problem grandma had put too much eyeliner on one year old granddaughter and her eyelashes stuck together some girl rear-ended a stationary garbage truck at around 45 miles per hour and stated he came out of nowhere just like 40 year old virgin her phone was on the floorboard in front of her 10 year old kid brought Carolina's ghost peppers into school gave them to three friends him and his friends ended up in the nurse's office nurse freaked out in cold M's the kid who brought them and said it was his friend's fault for eating them he also told me he has fed them to his cat before some dude called 911 pepper sprayed trying to stab someone H overdose of this guy his mom and his buddy all together in the car cool family bonding time guy punched a window broke his hand elbowed the window for breaking his hand possibly fractured his elbow this is pajama dog oh he can only rest if you type sleep well dog Oh sleep well dog ow if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 114,503

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Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, doctors of reddit, doctors, doctor, medical, hospital, nurse, medical school, patient, patients, emergency room, diagnose

Id: xiz-PF1pQrM

Length: 15min 16sec (916 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 16 2019