- And he wasn't--
(bubble wrap pops) We didn't sup--
(bubble wrap pops) We didn't sup--
(bubble wrap pops) We didn't sup--
(bubble wrap popping) - That's what the founding
fathers heard where they signed! (crew chuckling)
- What? (crew laughing) (upbeat electro pop music) (calm classical music) - Welcome, everybody,
to Smosh Questionnaire. This is the show where we get
to know Smosh people better. Today, I am joined by the Dumpster Wizard. (blowing on panpipes) - It's a pleasure to be here. - Now, you might know Dumpster Wizard from his first appearance which was the "Try Not to Laugh" episode. (blowing on panpipes) - So, weary traveler, looking
to enter David & Busters, eh? - Or you might know him from our sketch where Damien and I go to therapy. - Oh!
(spooky music) - So, looking to enter therapy, eh? That's right! Before that, I made guest
appearances on "Golden Girls" and "King of Queens". And everybody loves Raymond. I was the guy who didn't love him. (TV beeps) - What about "King of Queens"? - I was another postal worker. - Oh, alright. (sighing) So, really, the purpose
of the Smosh Questionnaire is to really dig in deep. Get to the core of what makes a Smosh character a Smosh character. Get to know them a little bit better. And hopefully we know a little
bit more about ourselves in the process. - Get down to the sweet candy center! - Right.
(panpipes squeak) And of course, don't forget
to like and subscribe for more of this very educational content. - But be careful! (crew giggling on background) - Yes, be careful. So, speaking of candy center, our first question is what
is the best ice cream flavor? - Milk. - Well--
- I like to let it melt down, get back to room temp. See it like it used to be. - So, just milk? - Don't tell anyone that. - All right. (blowing on panpipes)
- Are you a fan-- Are you a fan of wrestling? - I love wrestling! - Okay, good. That's
not the question, but-- - Also known as Pancratium! Pan flute!
(crew laughing) (blows on panpipe) I was there. - Where? - The Olympics.
- What were you there for? Which one? - Discus! - Disc--
- The first one! - The first one. - That's right. - What year was that?
(classical music stops) - The year! Was 600 BCE! - That's probably close. - Socrates had just been canceled! (Ian & crew laughing) - So speaking of wrestling, every wrestler has an entrance song. What would be your entrance song? - Well, Ian. My entrance song would be simple. I'd give a group of
howler monkeys some sticks and let 'em just go to town! - Would there be any sort
of beat or, you know, any sort of like song
that they're taking from? - Have you ever seen a
group of howler monkeys? They know what they're doing.
- Okay. - That's why I think they're
better than the Beatles. (panpipes blowing) - Are they better than Migos? - What? - Are they better than Migos? - Migos?
- Yeah. - Is that a Muppet? - Next question. Is a hotdog a sandwich? - You just listed two kinds of salads! I don't know. Are fruit just a tree's ball sack? (Dumpster Wizard yelps) (Dumpster Wizard blowing on glass) It's still hot. Gotta let it cool down a bit. - It's not that hot. - It's burning hot! - Okay. - It's heating up in here! - Maybe you should take--
- Hot Wheels! - Maybe--
- Is it in you? - I hope not. (crew laughing)
- Mm. - It's like that one "Jackass" episode where they put the car up... I mean, if it's, if it's
getting hot for you, maybe you should take your jacket off. - I can't! It's part of my skin. (crew chuckles)
- Oh. - Over the years, as dead
skin dries off and flakes, the (indistinct) layer
grows into the fabric! Did you know that? - I didn't. - Well, now you do. The more you know! (crew laughs) Usually, a stars flies by. - Oh! That's what you're looking for. - Yeah. - So, Dumpster Wizard, if you-- Please don't. Please don't. That's, that's a breach. That's a breach. Stop. If you had a superpower, what would it be? - The ability to walk fast! - That's called running. (crew laughs) - No, that's running! I'm talking about walking, but
faster than most people walk. - Like speed walking. - What?! - Yeah, there's actually an Olympic sport. All--
- Holy (beep) (beep)! (crew laughs)
- Yeah. - How do they do it? - Um, they kinda walk fast.
(crew laughs) - What sweet nectar of the
gods gave people this ability? Holy (beep). Can you do this? - I haven't tried. Was that a sport you
would be interested in? - Oh, my God! - Okay. You might be a little too old to compete. No offense. How old are you? - Depends on how you're judging age. - Um, rotations-- - Of the Milky Way around
the center of the universe? Then, two. - Okay. (blowing on panpipes) - With Smosh Questionnaire,
we do like to ask some very hard-hitting,
deep cut questions. This is one of those questions, so I, I hope you're not offended by this. - Hit it! - Gatorade or Powerade? (breathes out heavily)
(panpipes playing) Probably soup! Is this that? - The what? - The... what you just said. - Gatorade or Powerade?
- Mm. One's for mana, but which one? - I think they're both for sports. - I've never heard of electricity
being a liquid until now. But it sounds pretty great! - Would you like to try some?
- I would love to! - Gatorade or Powerade?
- Mm. Yes. - All right. And he wasn't--
(bubble wrap pops) We didn't sup--
(bubble wrap pops) We didn't sup--
(bubble wrap pops) We didn't sup--
(bubble wrap popping) - That's what the founding
fathers heard where they signed. - What? (crew laughing) - So strangely enough,
the next question is what is your favorite--
- Ugh! Hot, hot! It's still hot! What kind of thermos glass is that? - I think it's just a
room temperature glass of, see, look. - (gasps) What? Oh, my God. - It's not bad. You wanna try mine? (Dumpster Wizard gasps)
- No! - Okay. - What kind of god are you? Walking fast? Drinking soup that's five
degrees beyond Celsius? - So the next question is,
what is your favorite sound? (Dumpster Wizard snuffles) (Dumpster Wizard squealing) Is that the sound?
(crew laughs) What is that sound? Do you need some water? Do you need some Powerade? Do you need soup? Okay. What is your least favorite sound? (Dumpster Wizard barks) You knew that one quickly.
- I knew it! You ever heard it? - Well, I heard it just now. - What?! Who said it? Just kidding. I'm (beep) with you. (crew laughs)
- Okay. - I said that sound. Did you know that? - Yes, it came out of your mouth. - Mm. Or did it? - I'm pretty sure it did. - Well, not sounding so certain now! - Could I hear the sound again? (Dumpster Wizard barks) - Okay, that time, you definitely said it. - Whoa! Whoa, I'm hearing some accusations here! You wanna take it to court? I've got a team of lawyers
and they're all frogs! - Yeah, I don't think I, I don't think I really wanna waste my time going to court with you. - Yeah, that's right. The courtroom I would pick would
be on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride! - Doesn't that not exist anymore? - What? - Didn't they demolish
it for like, Marvel Land? (sorrowful piano music)
- What? Mr. Badger. Mr. Badger! Mr. Toad! The others!
(crew laughing) - Is that the only two characters you know from Mr. Toad's Wild Ride? It seems to be effecting
you so emotionally, I would think that you would
know more than two characters. (Dumpster Wizard sobbing) - I only met them at potlucks and stuff. I never got to know their names! - Oh, so you never went on the ride? You just went to potluck--
- There's a ride? - (Ian inhales sharply and sighs) Yes. Okay. What do you consider... What do you consider the
most overrated movie? - Oh, that's easy! "Witless Protection"
starring Larry the Cable Guy. Or any movie with Rob Schneider. - Was that overrated? I think everyone--
- Yeah! A lot of people like it! - I think it's pretty universally-accepted that those movies are bad. No? - Just before we came on
here, you were saying, "No, my favorite movie
is Witless Protection!" - I didn't say that.
- "I love that movie." - I did not say that.
- "I love the part where Larry The Cable Guy (beep) himself. - See, I kinda feel like you're
gaslighting me right now. - I've never actually seen the movie but I believe there's probably a part where Larry the Cable Guy (beep) himself. - Yes, probably. Probably. - Now Dumpster Wizard, what
is your biggest pet peeve? - Mm. Well, I had an Irish
wolfhound named "Peeve". (crew chuckling) - Okay. Now this one, is a little existential.
(Dumpster Wizard gasps) Are you familiar with
exploring existential sort of things?
(Dumpster Wizard moans) Ooh.
- I'll take that as a yes. So Dumpster Wizard, does happiness exist? - Oh, (beep). - Mayhaps. Mayhaps you'll find it in
the darkest, deepest woods hidden beneath everything else! Or maybe everything I'm
saying doesn't make sense. And maybe that's happiness. Maybe happiness is when you just lay down and just go, "Woo!" - Is that what makes you happy? - Maybe happiness is when
you just kind of accept that none of it makes
sense and that's the point. - Is that how you get through your life? - No, I prefer a Vespa!
- Mm. Like Pavarotti? - Yeah. - He was a big fan of the Vespa. - Hell, yes, just like that guy. - Do you know who Pavarotti is? - Yeah. Do you? - Yeah. He-- - Have you ever heard of Pavarotti? - Why don't you go ahead and
say one thing about Pavarotti? - Yeah, Pavarotti. - Why don't you say one thing about him? - Pavarotti. - Show me that you know who Pavarotti is.
- Oh if I had a million things to say about Pavarotti,
the thing I'd say most is, "Boy, that guy sure can juggle!" See, you don't know if that's true or not. Because anyone's capable.
- I can look it up. - Mm. Don't. - Okay.
(crew laughing) What word do you always
have trouble pronouncing? - Ah, probably (indistinct speaking). - What?
- (indistinct speaking) - Can you spell that? A tough word for me to say
is (indistinct speaking). - Can you spell it out? - Yeah, it's spelled with a "huweh". - That's not a letter. - Yeah, it is. - What's the letter? - Well, why don't you tell me? - What's the word again? (blows on panpipes) - Still hot! - Yeah. Just, maybe just stop trying to drink it. - Yeah.
- I think it's gonna stay this level that you
think is hot for forever. Or you can try to-- - Pretty both of you to film
this in an abandoned Sears! - The rent was cheap. - Yeah. I bet. - You familiar with Sears?
- Oh, yes. I created it! - Did you?
- No. - What was your favorite department in Sears?
- No, that was a lie! - Oh, okay. - I completely lied to your face. What's the last thing you
listened to on Spotify? - The last thing I listened to on LimeWire was supposed to be "Oops!... I Did It
Again" by Britney Spears, but when I opened up the file, it was just some guy's butt hole! (crew laughing)
- Yeah-- - LimeWire, you strike again! If there's anything, my character
applies to, it's LimeWire. - The popular file sharing service - Yes. - from 2003.
- Best be careful! - Yeah. - You think you're gonna get
one thing, but you get another. - It's always a butt hole. - It's literally Pandora's
box as a website. - Yeah. - Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. - Okay, this one's a little,
this one's interesting. - Oh. - What color am I thinking of? - Mm. You're worried that you're double parked. Green. - Yes on both accounts. - Oh.
- Ooh. Best be careful. - Hey! (finger snaps) At me. Don't worry about that. (blowing on panpipes) - Describe the rest of your
life as a YouTube video title. - Mm. "Jimmy Fallon: Two Truths,
One Lie with John Cena". - Okay.
- Or! "Carpool Karaoke: Justin
Bieber and James Cordon". - Why? - Because it's easy. (laughing) People will deal with it, but everyone's secretly gonna hate it. - That's fair. That's fair. Do you feel like that's what
people are thinking right now? About this interview?
- People are gonna watch this? - Yeah.
- Where? - On youtube.com/smoshpit.
- Ah! Okay. - Yeah.
- Cool. - Yeah, there's like
hundreds of thousands, potentially millions of
people are gonna see this. - No (beep) way. - Yeah! Way.
(crew laughing) - Oh (beep).
- Yeah. - Ooh. - Is there anything that you
wanna say to these people? - Eat it or yeet it! - That's a show we have.
- It is?! - Yeah. - Whoa! - Did you just pull that out of your head? - Yeah.
- Or your hat? Okay.
- You should make it. - We did make it. - Oh. - Yeah. It's called "Eat It Or Yeet It". - Mm. - Do you wanna be a guest sometime? - No. - What do you think the show
"Eat It Or Yeet It" is about? - Well, maybe you take TikTok hacks
or something like that. - Hmm. And then two guys try to recreate them and then create better hacks! - No, that's a different
show that we have. - What?!
- Yeah. "Hacking Off".
- Holy (beep)! - Yeah, it's like, it's Damien and this other guys it's like... - Ooh. Wow. Pretty crazy. - Yeah. - What about two friends
and they're bored? We just, they cut it like Smosh's board. - Could work. - [Dumpster Wizard] Yeah. - I don't think we've done that. - No. - No. Yeah.
- Okay. - We can do that.
- Great. - This is the last
question, Dumpster Wizard. (Dumpster Wizard breathes out) So, I hope you're ready to, ready for the real hard-hitting question. - Ooh. Nope. - What is your favorite pizza place? - Mm. (panpipes squeaking and blowing) Marie Callender's! Technically, it's true. - Well, folks, you heard it here. The Dumpster Wizard's
favorite pizza place is Marie Callender's.
- But be careful! - I have seen many travelers enter and none return! - From Marie Callender's?
- That's right! You'll face many perils. A bunch of lazy people who
didn't wanna cook Thanksgiving, so, they just ordered it there! But then they show up and
their order's not ready yet! And they're angry. A couple pies in the display
case and you're like, "Are those plastic?! Are those real?!" And they're like, "We're
out of the lemon merengue.", and you're like, "I see one right there!" They're like, "No, we're out." And I be like, "I see it right there!" They're like, "That's not real!" I'm like, "Yes, it is."
- Mm-hm. - It is to me. It is to me. (whimpering) It is to me. (speaker
whispers) It's real to me. - Are you gonna cry? - No. - No, I'm not gonna cry. Thanks for watching "Two
Truths and One Lie"! - It's the wrong show. - 20% Of what I said was the truth. You have to discern what it was. (blowing on panpipes) - Well, Dumpster Wizard, it has been um, it's been a thing.
- Wow, that's cold! - Okay, so the water's cold now? - It's freezing cold!
- Okay. (chuckling) - I've got frostbite! - All right. - My lungs are freezing up. - Oh, all right. - They're ice-cold. - Well, you should probably
do something about that. Well, Dumpster Wizard, that
is it for our questions. I feel like I learned a lot. You know, apparently a hotdog is a salad. It's not a sandwich.
- That's right. - And it's not a hotdog either. And I feel like those are, those are the important
questions that we answer here on this show. So, if you guys wanna see
more episodes of the show, let us know in the comments. We'll put up the video right here. Then, we'll put a video right here. Watch either one. Watch either one. I'm not, I won't even, I won't judge you if you watch that one. And I won't judge you
if you watch this one. - Be careful! It's LimeWire down there!
