disowned by my family...1 week later (what's changed?) | #grindreel

people keep asking me for an update on what's going on in my life when it comes to being disowned what I've been thinking what I've been feeling what I've been going through and maybe it helps some of you guys out there in similar situations overall no one has tried to contact me from my family the email that my cousin sent me went unanswered my response that I put in the video was the short version of a longer email with more personalized details no response to that email I thought that if it was a real email about how he cared about how I was actually doing and how I was actually feeling he would reach out again and say we understand and actually tried to carry on the conversation but as I expected that email was just to get me to stop putting this on social media and telling people in the public what's going on I'm not doing anything by sharing stories that happened to me talking about that I've received a lot of DMS a random girl on Facebook deemed me and said hey if you need to talk I can help you I know how you feel right now I've been through all of this with my parents take that video down immediately though you are a businessman and an entrepreneur your business is your business don't let them take that away from you too I highly suggest you call me first thing tomorrow morning and I was like what I don't know who you are I've also gotten a lot of comments that are like you should take care of your parents no matter what they do to you and my response is I did I did take care of my parents no matter what they did to me but there's a limit when it comes to lying to your children when it comes to stealing from your children when it comes to emotionally manipulating your children because they're your children you have to stop then it comes a point where you just have to stop and I know in other cultures it's very different and you live with your parents and you take care of them when you're older and that's your job as a kid but that's what you owe your parents and I would respectfully disagree that you absolutely do not owe your parents anything but I got a comment that said let me ask you a simple question how long did you live rent-free in their house how long did they support you while you were growing up a month a year 1718 years of your life think about what you're saying think of all of the facts before you say well they're capable but refuse to support themselves well you were capable of working from the age of 13 right nothing stopped you from earning your way besides some who believe there are supposed appropriate age to start working you mean the [ __ ] government some who believe there's a supposed appropriate age like the law the legal age like some who believe it's it's it's the lit what also when I turned 13 I tried to start my own business babysitting animals around the neighborhood I also had a Pokemon card trading business to make money when I was 14 I worked at Kroger as a bag boy I did work I did try to pull my keep but I didn't lie to my parents I didn't steal from my parents and I didn't emotionally and manipulate my parents but he goes on to say they are family treat them like they treated you as you grew up otherwise you will suffer the loss of them wanting to know you when they are in need of help and get refused I responded and I said let me ask you a question if you choose to have kids aren't you responsible for raising them for 18 years it's very manipulative and very messed up when people say I brought you into this world you owe me everything I didn't choose to be brought into this world if you choose to have a kid you are choosing to take on the responsibility of raising them all 18 years of their life parents are supposed to take care of their children children are not supposed to take care of their parents unless they want to not because it is their duty and other than people in other countries are just going to disagree but like maybe if your parents were nice to you growing up maybe if your parents didn't treat you like garbage and and take and take and take and take from you then yeah maybe you'd want to help them out when they're older and last but not least I get a lot of dams that say why are you sharing this private stuff online not cool and I said again why should I keep it private why do you care so much like people like you shame people into keeping issues private people like you are the problem so where do we go from here I've thought about the fact that maybe one day they'll reach out and they'll apologize for using me like a bank and they'll reach out and they'll thank me for helping them giving my all to them giving everything to them and they'll thank me out of love and they'll thank me out of appreciation and not just to get more money out of me again but I've also had to come to terms with the fact that I'll never have the relationship that I have in my mind with them in real life before I thought my father and I could both have booming businesses and we could make up for all that lost time when I was a kid if not having a father-son relationship when he worked all day and just ignored me and I figured now as grown adults I've kind of figured out how to do this and I could help him and we could make up all that time and share our mutual interests now I thought it would be cool to both get motorcycles and go explore Utah and like vlog that together and make like little videos where we go explore you know urban exploration and old mines and sometimes I look around at other families that at least look functional and and families that have good relationships with their children and sometimes I think to myself it must be nice it must be nice I wonder what that's like when you need to need someone to talk to or they're just checking in on you or they just tell you hey we're proud of you hey we love you and they're not just saying that because they want something from you it's just because it's genuine and you know for a while for the first few years of this I would just really I would get jealous honestly I just get jealous of other people having functional families and for some reason I'm just stuck with behind and and this just sucks one of the things that really gets me is when I see families sharing things that I'm passionate about and when I see those things being passed down in the family I feel like I'm missing out I wish I was part of that family instead of my own many many times I give you an example what I mean is like I'm passionate about aviation I like flying planes and whenever I talk to people that are getting into it I would say like eight out of ten times everyone says flying has always been in our family it's just something that we've always done you know my grandfather flew and my father flew and now I'm learning how to fly there's just something everyone has always done in my we all love it and I just wish that my family had something like that but we could all share something when I watched videos about people flying bush planes on YouTube and I see them all lined up in parked and you got the grandfather's airplane and the father's airplane and the sons airplane you know and it's just like why couldn't I be part of the family that did something like that it was like super cool but we all share the same passion you know there was none of that in my family the only thing that was passed down in my family was this [ __ ] cult irreligious stuff where you get sent to church camp and all this other nonsense like that was the only thing that we had in our family I sometimes wonder how people get started with something with doing a passion or a hobby or living a certain lifestyle and when I find out that their parents or their grandparents just help them out like I feel jealous and I shouldn't and I know it's wrong for me to feel jealous and I just think to myself it must be nice to have college [ __ ] paid for it must be nice to have your family show up at your wedding it must be nice to have your family support you in graduating college it must be nice to have your family help you do a passion project that you've always wanted to do it must be nice to know that if you ever lose your job you can go back and stay at your parents house and they'll love you and support you and not make you pay rent or maybe they make you pay a little rent and you just do some chores around the house it must be nice to have that because I don't have any of that that's a big one for me when people say Oh Josh if you want to save money just move back in with your parents which literally doesn't exist for me if anything happens to me in my situation I have nowhere to go I have nothing to fall back on nothing if I lose this house I'm homeless obviously I think maybe some of you guys would let me sleep on your couch or something like that but that's how it feels I have no fallback and when it comes to a support system in my family thinking about that is really kind of sad and depressing but also a little bit motivational because it keeps me doing [ __ ] it keeps me working keeps me hustling because I have nothing I have no I've planned B's but I have no plan B you know what I mean so for all you guys out there who do have functioning families and do have a mom and dad that just pat you on the back and say we love you proud of you not because they want anything out of you just do me a favor give him a call for me and tell him I said hello and that they're appreciated for being good parents what's really funny is that just having been a week now that I didn't have to give anyone any money has done wonders for my mental health there's no more it's Thursday I'm gonna be getting a text soon hear from somebody asking me for money or from somebody asking me to give somebody money or you know it's towards the end of the month tomorrow's the first I I'm gonna be getting a text message saying are you gonna put that money in now I want to go get a hamburger not having to give money to my parents and family has kind of changed my perspective towards my parents and it's an interesting dynamic Cal money changes the relationship and creates so much resentment right now currently in my state of mind I actually wouldn't mind hanging out with my mom and I wouldn't mind hanging out with my dad as long as I didn't have to give them anything as long as there was just a mutual conversation but I know that would turn into the exact same thing it would just be you know we want something from you and the truth is that they need time away from me to get their life sorted out this is gonna sound absolutely terrible and it's not how I mean it but I maybe you can relate to this I think my dad as a person just as a person is great he works really hard he has a lot of skills he has a lot of knowledge about a bunch of things that most people don't know anything about and he can build good things and he can fix almost anything you know he's a dedicated worker he does good work when he does it he doesn't half ask anything but as a father is horrible horrible at it absolutely terrible father and again I said this was gonna sad bad I said this was gonna sound bad but just hear me up me and my dad never really had a relationship growing up I never learned how to talk to girls and we never had father/son days none of that right I had different interests as a kid then he had as a and I think my dad kind of resented me for that he was expecting me to have the same interests like football and cars and taking apart things and putting things back together and just working out and all these things that my dad did as a kid I think he wanted me to be interested in and I just never I was I was interested in the nerdy stuff I liked electronics and I liked videogames and I liked being on the computer and the internet and I was introverted and I didn't want to go out and do that stuff like one time when I was a kid he was making me watch how to fix something and he's like do you not just enjoy taking apart things and putting them back together Josh like what's wrong and I said no not really I don't really think that's interesting I don't know I was probably 11 when he said that to me and I think that just kind of solidified like okay my son it's just not me he's never gonna be interested in the things I'm interested in or was and and he just has his own nerd [ __ ] and play Sega all day whatever and he just kind of wrote me off yeah honestly I think my dad was disappointed in me as a son I was pretty aware that he was disappointed in me as a kid he just he never laughed at any of the jokes that I made he never thought any of the interest I had were cool he just kind of did his job as a parent and just kind of said okay it was really weird to be aware that your dad just doesn't really like you as a kid and he thinks that all your wrenches are stupid that's a really weird dynamic and you just kind of exist in his household and you want a relationship with your dad like I wanted a relationship with my dad as a kid and so honestly I tried to change my interest or I tried to pick up his interests in high school to kind of impress him which is so stupid to think about now I signed up in high school to play football I had absolutely zero interest in football I don't give a [ __ ] about football it doesn't mean [ __ ] to me but I know my dad played football in high school and so I signed up to play it and I did like three or four training sessions and I quit and I remember like crying like hysterically as like a 16 year old kid thinking my dad is gonna be so disappointed in me because I just quit and I didn't like I'm not gonna be on the football team now because I when I first told him I'm signing up to play football I brought the paper and was like hey Dad was time to play football he's like oh really Josh like his eyes got real big he said really you want to play football and I was like yeah and so he took me down there we signed it up and he was like super excited to take me out of the sports stores and get me all the sports stuff and then I did a few sessions and I was just like this isn't for me I can't force myself to do something I just have absolutely zero interest in to impress somebody so I quit and when I quit I walked off the field and I cried and I gave my gear to the coach and I said I'm done this is not doing it I don't like it and my dad was like so disappointed in me and that was basically the relationship I had with my dad as a kid uh zero didn't exist really no kind of father figure growing up I had an uncle that kind of like brought me under his wing he was he was a good dude the only time the relationship between me and my dad changed was when I was about 20 years old and I worked for him and his business for a summer it was the first time me and my dad ever got along you know he was working a job that he didn't hate and I was grown it had been a few years since we've seen each other since I left to go live in Finland and it was like we were both grown men we hadn't seen each other we came back and we just kind of bounced his stuff off of each other and he was laughing at my jokes for the first time in my life he was kind of like yeah dude let's do this let's do that and I was like cool and whatever we got along or one time I dressed up exactly like he did to go to work I put on the exact same shirt and I took my shirt into my Levi's blue jeans that I went out and bought and I put the same exact belt on and my dad smoked cigarettes and I put a little packet of carton cigarettes and the little little pocket protector whatever and then I went to go get my dad was like hey dad let's go to work and then and he laughed and he thought it was absolutely hilarious when that happened when that relationship dynamics changed with my dad I started thinking you know what maybe I could salvage this relationship you know I've always wanted a relationship with him maybe he's coming around and I can help him for my mom I would say I would say it's the opposite as a mom my mom was great you know she was pretty loving she tried to help support me when I was sad when I didn't have friends at school and I didn't want to go to school because I didn't like it in my classmates or whatever right like I just she let me stay home she let me do homeschool for like one year like as a mom she was a fairly decent mom you know she did her best but as a person my mom just isn't a responsible adult at all when I found out that money had been stolen from my credit card I called her and I said do you know anything about this and she said I don't know anything about the money Josh asked your dad to which I said how do you think your bills are getting paid every month like you you owe a lawyer you owe the company and you have to pay a mortgage how do you think like you never once questioned how you're not homeless right now and she says I don't know Josh I've never messed with the money your dad is always taking care of the money stuff I don't know anything about it and I'm like that's kind of its kind of strange you've kind of been married for like thirty years you should know something about the finances between you guys like you shouldn't step up and you know like you're not working right now and he's working and how do you think you're surviving right now I don't know Josh I don't know I just garden it's very kind of brushes everything off to my dad very just not a responsible adult at all and honestly I don't really think my mom has ever had to provide for herself fully I think well at one point she had an apartment and a job once like when she was young but I don't think there's ever been a real life scenario where she's ever had to kind of step up here's the thing being able to see all this stuff from a distance has kind of just enabled me to accept them for who they are some when this first happened and when it was happening I would absolutely hate them and resent them and just I don't horrible people and now I just think other people they're people with their own demons they're people with their own problems it just didn't work out they're my biological parents and I wish them well but we just aren't compatible as a family and it will never be family first as far as I'm concerned I'm an orphan I've gone through a few mental exercises to kind of prepare for the worst such as what if no one in my family never talks to me again what would that actually be like when I'm old and everyone dies off well I get notified if my grandparents are sick or if they die will I get an invitation to the funeral no then so be it this was really hard to accept at first just really kind of put this is the sort of thoughts that you have that kind of like push you over the edge and it's just like would you want to go Josh not after the way that I've been treated no not really what will happen to my parents will they ever try and reach out to me again I don't know what if they never do what if they never come around what if they never say thank you what if you never see your mom and dad again ever I guess then so be it what happens if they die will you find out about it Josh I don't know and so be it and those are the thoughts that you have to prepare yourself for when you fully cut off your family everyone in my family is blocked on my phone everyone in my family is blocked to try and call me but my family knows where I live my family has my email if they really wanted to talk to me and reach out to me they could honestly I don't expect anyone to actually make the effort to reach out to me out of love especially because I put this on youtube if probably honestly my family has probably just written me off as the crazy person who didn't accept the truth in the gospel and the religious culty nonsense and so I will forever be the black sheep for doing this which sucks because in reality I'm probably the most logical and down-to-earth person in this family I'm not even that religious and I'd venture to say that I am more Christian than anyone in my family it's sad really I've received a lot of positive support and I've received a lot of offers to be ears that will just listen to me if I ever need someone to talk to and for that I am infinitely grateful you know it wasn't easy but I'm fine the first few days were me swinging back and forth emotionally wondering you know I wonder how my dad is doing I wonder what he's doing right now is he still trying to get a job is he trying to make it work is he trying to hustle like I want I want to go find out how he is I want to go see him but I know that would not be that's not good and it was like that the first few days and then after that I'm fine if you are going through something similar I'd like to offer you my ear to listen it's the least I can do for everything that you guys have done for me anyway so that's where I'm at over the past week thanks for listening thanks for being here thanks for the support I'll see you guys in the next one [Music] you

Channel: Joshua Fluke

Views: 210,898

Rating: 4.8925166 out of 5

Keywords: joshua fluke, code bootcamp, javascript, how to code, web development, brand, developer interview, developer jobs, corporate cringe, divorce, story i dont talk about, entrepreneurship, digital brand, disowned by my family, disowned by my family 1 week later

Id: CtbVcTFQFYE

Length: 20min 38sec (1238 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 08 2020