DISOWNED BY MY FAMILY - 2 MONTHS LATER (How it ended up this way) | #grindreel

welcome back to more content you didn't subscribe to i've been thinking a lot about what it's been like to be disowned and i've been reflecting on how i grew up and how uh i just ended up so different than my family the main reason i'm making this video is because i receive a lot of comments that are like josh how could you publicly air this stuff about your family they even asked you not to share it and you shared it anyways you don't respect their right to privacy and what i would like to say is you don't have a right to privacy if you emotionally manipulate someone if you lie to someone if you steal from someone that that right to privacy is gone if you don't want to be shamed don't do shameful stuff and i received a comment that said specifically um they even asked you not to share this message and you shared it anyways and what i would say to that is like it's like if someone stole from you and said i'm gonna steal this from you but don't share it that's private if you tell anyone i stole from you that's bad you should be shamed for that you shouldn't be controlled by what your family thinks of you you shouldn't be afraid of dishonoring your family because i'm not dishonoring my family they dishonored themselves they should be ashamed for what they did i shouldn't be shamed for what they did to me for sharing what they did to me that's not how this works that's not how this works at all um you don't owe your parents everything just because they brought you into this world which is a uh a line that i see quite often they say you know you owe your parents everything because they brought you in to this world and without them you'd have nothing they raised you you owe them the respect to never talk bad about them even if they were mean to you even if they abused you your parents owe you everything because they brought you into this world it is their duty it is their responsibility to raise you and take care of you it's not a privilege it's not a gift from your parents for them parenting you that is their job they chose to bring you into this world that is their responsibility you can take care of them if you want to if you love them if they raise you right if they treated you good if they gave you good values and and you respect them yeah sure give back to them help them but what if your parents weren't like that you still don't owe them that you'll see this in a lot of different cultures throughout the world um in the middle east family is a big thing you can't say anything against tradition against culture against your parents you know you're basically you they're they're everything you don't want to bring dishonor to your family you don't want to go against whatever society says you'll also see this in indian culture where parents have a lot of children and those children are expected to take care of their parents that's not how this works it's like it's not a multi-level marketing thing you know you don't have kids so that your kids take care of you like little slaves and i constantly see people being controlled by what their parents are going to think of them in dating you see people get together the girl's like well i can't i can't date you unless my dad approves of you i can't date you unless my mom approves of you oh my parents wouldn't like that oh we can't because my mom and dad you're grown adults it doesn't matter what they think anymore what ends up happening is most parents shame their children for being different or wanting to be more or bigger and better than the family instead of supporting them for being unique you get shamed for being different but anyways when i was a kid we would always have to go to these family events where my grandmother would constantly say family is everything josh family and church and the lord is everything and we'd have to go to these family events for thanksgiving and christmas and birthdays and whatever and none of us ever got along you see my family my parents we were the black sheep family of the family and i'm the black sheep of that i'm even further away from all of that see my parents were constantly afraid of what their parents thought of them my dad my dad's not religious i know he's not religious he's told me he's not very religious but he would never tell his parents that and he would constantly let his parents push things onto him he was too afraid to tell his parents what he really thought his parents would share these crazy articles from breitbart to his facebook page about how if you just breathe deeply it will breathe in the holy spirit and it will cure your coronavirus and my dad would not tell his mom to stop sharing these things with him it's ridiculous you're being crazy grandma they would send him constant books of religion and and whatever and he wouldn't he wouldn't tell his parents he'd say well they're just old josh you know i just want to stop just stop dad like tell them tell them what you think tell them to please leave this topic alone because i did they constantly did that to me as a child they would they would try to they would do all kinds of crazy church things you know they would send me to bible camp for two weeks where you had to speak in tongues all day every day they would make me go to these small group meetings they would make me do all these things until one day i said stop i don't talk about this anymore i'm not interested in this anymore i'm done but my parents would never do that my parents were always very cognizant of whatever their parents thought about and they were always afraid to go the opposite direction because i guess they were brainwashed that family is everything they would much rather be in a miserable family in a family where they're not compatible in a family where they're judged instead of just going their own way and being happy so as i said growing up our families were very very different at christmas dinner my mom and dad and me and my sister would always be the outcasts everyone else went to church every sunday my parents didn't go to church occasionally when their parents made them go or made us go but usually they would just sit there and they'd talk about their book clubs and whatever it was and they would judge my parents because my parents would go outside and and smoke and then they come back in and then they on the drive home my parents would always talk about how like did you see how she did this or that or how they said this or that and like i just constantly ask my mom and dad i was like dad mom if you guys don't like going to these family meetings or these family events and birthdays whatever why do you go you don't have the same interest they constantly judge you why don't you just not go why do we have to do this i don't have any fun here i'm judged we don't have anything in common like the cousins weren't allowed to read harry potter because demons and i had already watched the entire harry potter series and they weren't allowed to you know play certain video games because it was too graphic and so like we just had nothing in common and it made no sense for why we had to go do family stuff like family is everything but none of us are happy doing this and it never made any sense to me they would constantly just pressure my family to go do things and my family never had the guts to say no we're gonna go do our own thing you know and i find that i'm not the only one that experienced this growing up a lot of other people have gone their own way from their families a lot of people have emailed me and said josh i'm glad you made that video i cut my parents off x amount of years ago and it was the best thing i've ever done in my life ended up a thousand times better because of it but those people you know maybe they don't have a platform to talk about it or maybe they get shamed just the same as i did when i said hey this is what my parents did to me this is what my grandparents did to me maybe they get shamed for it there's nothing shameful and going your own way from your family for the most part in terms of my immediate family my parents were fairly hands-off in terms of parroting my dad had some engagement with me as a child but that ended fairly early once my dad realized i wasn't interested in the same things as him i wasn't interested in mechanics i wasn't interested in taking things apart and putting them back together uh one time we were building models in the garage and i got bored and said i wanted to do something else and go back to playing sonic on my sega and my my dad looks at me goes josh do you just not like this stuff and i said no not really dad sega's more fun and from that moment it felt like he just kind of wrote me off as a son he didn't really want to engage with me anymore he didn't offer to do any more projects with me he didn't really pretend to even like come sit down with me and ask me why i enjoyed sega or playing video games or why i enjoyed that stuff i didn't have the same interest as him and i think that kind of disappointed him and now what most people end up doing like myself is they try to impress their parents most people's parents have some impression of what they want their kids to be and when their kids aren't that mold they become disappointed or sad and they don't embrace their kids being different from them that's what happened to me i think he had this idea that his son was going to be this all-star football player with a bunch of cheerleader girls on each side that was going to be also an auto mechanic basically iron man i'm not sure what he wanted but i know that i'm not what he wanted i've been watching dr k for a while now not just because of this but healthy gamer i've been i've been watching him for a while i like dr k i like the way he looks at things and all that and i watched one of his episodes where he was with michael reeves and michael was talking about how he was different than his family and his family just didn't engage with him because he was different and at one point dr k says you know what michael i think that you were a child with special needs and you know it's kind of funny that you say like you're a special needs child but it's not because he was disabled it was not was because you know any any disability it was because he was just different and he had different interests than what his family had and he needed special attention when i heard that i was like that's me that is what i needed i was so different than my family growing up that i had special needs from a parenting perspective when it came to sports i had no interest in sports and everything in georgia is all about that college football you know that college ball you know got played at collard ball when it came to family activities i had no interest in going to church family activities zero none it just wasn't for me it was boring the idea of standing there and worshiping and singing for two hours is really boring so they put me on the little technical thing where you move the camera or you change the slides on the back of the stage and that was boring too church was just really boring for me i had no interest in any of that and i didn't want to do it when it came to school i had no interest in school but i had figured out the systems of school i had figured out that if you do the busy work that the teacher gives you she's just going to give you more work if you get really good grades they're just going to put you in harder classes i didn't want to do harder classes because i didn't want to do more homework i wanted to go home and play more video games i think if my parents just had engaged with me and and asked me what my interests really were maybe i would have ended up different but instead my parents thought i was the awkward kid and that something was wrong with me i remember i told my mom one day that i couldn't make any friends and that everyone's so different and we just don't have anything in common i don't care about your your camouflage shirts and i don't care about your big trucks and i don't care about your country music and i don't care about going to church and i don't care about college football and i don't care about any of this southern pride stuff or whatever it is i don't care and i'm not interested in being friends with any of these people because we have nothing to talk about i like metal music i like video games i like international cultures i like the internet and technology and all that stuff and my mom looked at me one day and she goes josh you keep saying that you have nothing in common with all these people have you ever considered that just maybe something's wrong with you because my parents didn't really know what to do they didn't know that i had special needs because i was just so different because again their parents pushed them to be some certain mold i had no desire to go to prom i didn't even go to my high school graduation i mean it's georgia after all what are we really celebrating you graduated high school in georgia congratulations you can multiply two times too i had no interest in joining cliques at school i was not the popular kid i was not the emo kid i wasn't the weird kid i was just the invisible kid at school and when it came to going to college i had no desire to go to college i didn't know what i wanted to do but my grandparents said do engineering well they told my parents my parents told me to do engineering i was like this isn't really exciting but they were like you'll have a safe job and lots of money and i was like oh money sounds nice i guess so i'll do that my parents probably just thought i was really lazy but in fact i had just figured out the systems that work and i think this has grown with me it's probably why i'm not religious to this day because if you ask questions people get mad instead of answering your questions it's why i'm not a very good employee because i'm very skeptical of what people tell me and i can see through stuff and i can see these systems and i can see the end goal and i'm very realistic no [ __ ] because of how i grew up i kind of just observed as a child it's why i probably don't trust people now that's probably not good right i just i'm very skeptical of anyone and anything what do they want from me what are they trying to get out of me where are they trying to manipulate me into and growing up that way i can i can see how that's why i am the way that i am now i just feel like a lot of people's lives revolve around keeping their parents happy and getting their parents approval and i did the same but i never got it and it doesn't matter i i'm fine i just think in reality your parents and your family can keep you trapped it can keep you limited they hold tradition over you they hold culture over you they hold love over you you won't have us because they raise you telling you family is everything i hope you can go the rest of your life without talking to your family again that's a quote from my grandfather was the last time i ever talked to him never forget it that's manipulation so i can see how they did that to my parents and i can see how my parents did that to me these days whenever i hear someone say oh well you know what would my parents think of that my parents wouldn't approve i just think who the heck cares who cares why does that matter it's just been interesting these past two months not talking to them not dealing with them really seeing it for what it is and really at how far i've come from that and looking at how different i am because of them it's just it's really interesting they think that they're in the right you know because family is everything no matter what and i think that they're nuts because i would not want to be anything like that i use them specifically as an example of what i don't want to be like and i knew that growing up this is not something i want this is not something i want to be like this is something i want to move away from in fact there was one time when i was a kid where i told my grandfather i don't want to do engineering i don't want to do mechanical engineering i don't care about mechanical engineering it's not fun i'm not a hands-on person i don't have mechanical aptitude this is not exciting for me i want to go international and do business and learn about other cultures and and do all that they're like well that you know why would you ever want to leave georgia josh you got everything you need right here in georgia this is where your family is why would you want to go to europe you know but there's not a whole lot of churches over there in europe you know and i'm just like you know i just couldn't i tried to explain my interest to my family and they were just confused as to why i would want anything else than what they had there in georgia i came up with a plan and i told my grandparents that i wanted to go to finland to be a preacher and spread the good word and then all of a sudden when i did that they were approving of it they said oh yeah that'd be a great idea go convert some of those heathens personal interest no not approved want to spread the good word yeah now you're approved and so i realized that when i was younger that i could use that as a way to get them to let me do things especially when i was younger when i was like 14 or 15 or 16 you know i had to use religion as a way to get them to let me do stuff i want to listen to metal well that's that's the devil's music oh well this is christian metal oh okay go ahead then it sounds exactly the same they can't understand what these people are screaming in the songs anyways any time i just put a religious twist on it they were approving of it otherwise why would you ever want to do that anyways those are just some incoherent thoughts i've had lately just reflecting on how i've become so different than my family and how i went the way that i that i went you know sometimes i wonder what they do all day sometimes i wonder what my family does all day i wonder if my dad is back at his parents house pretending to be religious because he's too afraid to tell him i know my sister moved back because i saw it on facebook i don't know what my mom does i don't know what my mom's mom does i don't know what any of them do really sometimes i think it would be nice to go visit my mom and my dad and my sister and my family but i know they would look at me like i'm some sort of uh demon like why did you do this to us why did you put us on the internet what do you mean look at what you did you know i would like them one day to just come and be like we're sorry josh we're sorry that we stole from you we're sorry that we we manipulated you we're sorry that we ran your credit cards up we're sorry josh like i know that's not going to happen none of that is going to happen no one's going to take responsibility and they're just going to look at me like i am the demon child of the family just like they do with anyone who's already not in the family that doesn't want to be religious you're either in or you're way far out and so i guess i'm way far out and that's fine that's fine it is what it is in fact it's weird because i have bought things now things that i would have spent the money giving my parents to blow on things that i've wanted to buy i bought a paraglider wing a couple of them a couple different ones and it feels bad feels guilty for purchasing things that i want for myself instead of giving that money to someone else and i'm still getting over that every single day it's very interesting i buy something and then i look at my bank account and i'm like huh that's interesting i saved some money this month and i feel bad doing things for myself and that's how i know i grew up in a messed up state is that i feel bad living my life for me because no one ever supported me living my life for me it was always living your life for the good of the family and i can see how that would make sense in like evolutionary terms and nomadic terms way back like 300 years ago right the group stays together survives but we're in 2020. so going your own way is just something they don't want to accept anyways i don't know if this video helps anybody but maybe i can go into detail to to more examples more stories of things that i just grew up looking at observing thinking this is really strange other families don't do this why does my family do this that doesn't make a lot of sense like one time when my grandfather told me that i should tithe because if i don't things will happen in my life that will punish me for not tithing and i said like how how will like how will i be punished for not tithing i'm like 14 15 years old he's like well things will just happen in your life josh things that wouldn't have happened if you'd tithed i think that's kind of weird like what like what would happen you know like he's god he doesn't need my money he can do whatever he wants you know and i'm like 14 or 15. i'm already like super skeptical and obviously as soon as i say that i get grilled you know and again if you're religious and you're watching this nothing against you right i'm just a skeptic i ask a lot of questions instead of getting questions answered it was always well you better or you'll be punished it's always it's always the fear use use fear to convince them if they have questions anyways that's it for this video thanks for coming to my ted talk i'll see you guys the next one

Channel: Joshua Fluke

Views: 176,300

Rating: 4.8764796 out of 5

Keywords: joshua fluke, code bootcamp, javascript, how to code, web development, brand, developer interview, developer jobs, corporate cringe, divorce, story i dont talk about, entrepreneurship, digital brand, dr k, healthygamer, healthygamergg, michael reeves, disownedbymyfamily

Id: S-9U2Pjhg0Y

Length: 18min 49sec (1129 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 09 2020