Dealing with Burnout Ft. Dyrus | Dr. K Interviews

yeah man thanks for coming on so can you tell me a little bit about you know is there something in particular you want to talk about today or something that would be hey we have the same headset oh really oh the sign Houser yes yeah it's really comfortable I like it a lot yeah it's good um you know I was just gonna say tell me a little bit about you know how can be helpful and and what you want to talk about today um so I guess the topic was supposed to be like gaming burnout okay um so I guess a little bit about my background is that I'm from Hawaii after I graduated high school I worked for my dad as an intern for a year and then I got fired cuz you know I didn't I didn't want to do it I got lucky with the game League of Legends and I got flown out a free trip to Sweden and then I started my league pro career by joining well going to the TSM house and then I played pro for like five years and then I've played league for like ten years and I've had like you know ups and downs and I get into details as we talked about wow so you're a pro league player um I used to be used to be okay yeah so I've I haven't been pro for like four years now three years around that time yeah I worked with a fair number of people who were kind of transitioning out of being pro yeah I'm League overwatch mostly a little bit of csgo a little bit of Rainbow six but yeah so tell me a little bit about yeah so when you said gaming burnout what do you mean by that um it's just one of those things where you play the game same game for a long time and you don't want to play it as much but then your fans want you to play it and it also brings you income so instead of doing it for fun it becomes your job because going from casual to pro yeah I don't I don't see how else to say it I feel like that's common knowledge at this point yeah so you feel like you have to play the game um there was a time yeah that I felt like I had to play the game and I thought about it for years on end that you know would I be okay without it should I not play it for the good of my mental health because playing it was hurting me because uh so when you play the same game that's a controlled by the developers where they control every patch how the game has changed like whatever they want to do sometimes they make changes that are bad and a riot is always accompany about changing and so whether it's good or worse some of the changes they've made have made it the experience much less enjoyable like what at this so in League of Legends there's this thing called funneling and what that is is that instead of having a standard game of you know five people versus five people like there's one person top middle two people bottom and one that goes around the map yeah jungle and so instead of having that standard thing there's a role called support which is they basically you know they have their bottom they support their other laner they wrote their job is to help them get as strong as possible now instead of just having one support in the game the concept of funneling is there's two supports and what will happen is there'll be another support in a and a Lane where they're by themselves and instead of becoming someone strong their goal is to make someone who is roam roam roaming around strong and the cod so the concept is like okay cool that's their that's their strategy but it's a very straightforward and like hard to counter strategy if you make mistakes again it's really unique and it it what it does is it enables that one person to hard carry and it's very unfund to play against because they don't even have to play it perfectly but even if you play it perfectly you can still lose the unsay it's a very common cheese ela boosting strategy and because I've played the game for so long there are some games where I feel like I played it perfectly and I'll still lose which will happen either way but I felt even more so against the strategy and that was just one of the many things that just turned me off from playing the game and just made me like you know please my mind are you kind of saying that it lowered the skill ceiling of the game to sort of have a strategy that just was kind of lopsided and yeah so um it lowered the skill ceiling not because of the person only getting all the farm but because of the person who's giving them all that instead of playing the game normally and you know getting stronger like your skills tested you don't have to you can literally put anyone in that position of giving the farm to that person and all they would have to do is just they wouldn't have to focus on macro at all they just have to help that person and it's it considerably lowers the skill ceiling because usually you'd have a skilled player in this role because they're they're considered a carry but instead they're given the support role which is I'm not trying to say support is easier than caring but when you don't have to focus on blasts hitting which is what gives you money in the game I'm a boom boom and I'm not now much of a blower okay I just so I'm with like ADC and carrying and in the mid and jungle one oh yeah basically they you just turned their brain off and just give all the gold to the jungler yeah so just as a reference for how much of a Boomer and how little of a boomerang I am I've started playing dota probably like let me think about this 14 years ago okay then you know more than enough so back when when you know I was I was there when MOBAs were born boy yeah me too so okay so I see so it seems like some of the changes that the developers make have it really kind of taken some of the joy out of the game for you yeah it's it's kind of like it's not completely their fault because it's the player base that also abuses it so yeah sure but I mean isn't isn't the game developer responsible for creating the setting that then players are gonna abuse or not abuse yeah you know I think players are gonna be pieces of right you're gonna cheese they're gonna cheese whatever they can yeah for sure I mean and I think that's why like good developers are so important because they're gonna create the setting through which you know that's gonna dictate a certain kind of behavior yeah I want to say it's hard for them to balance it because it's such a there's so many champions in the game but I guess what really irritated me as a pro player is that they would hold these riots summit me these these player summit meetings where pro players have come in and pro players that give their advice and and a lot of players that play the game a lot have their concerns but there's also like the lower level of play where people have their concerns because what works and lower skill level games doesn't always work at high and vice versa and so they would hold these we would have these meetings where like we could give them feedback and there's some things that were clearly broken and a lot of the time it wasn't listened to and that's what frustrated me because it's like why why am I going to this it's not even like being considered because it just gets written off by certain people in the balance team sand up okay go ahead yes all right guys oh and uh a lot of people have expressed like similar opinions and I just feel like there's some people in the balance team that are actually just smoking weed or getting in a hot ox and just be like what if we did this and that's how strongly I feel about it yeah so let me just see if I'm hearing you I'm kind of getting the sense that so I just just I've been jotting a couple things down as you've been talking so this is just literally the words that I wrote down and let me know if these kind of feel right so feeling forced to play in a particular way being forced to play a particular game for money for fans kind of struggling with the sense of illusion of choice where in theory you could stop in theory they'll change the game in a different way but that you're kind of forced what I'm getting from you is sort of a sense of being forced into something yeah it's kind of like the feeling of let's say you post on Twitter every day for the idea of getting likes getting it popular and like oh yeah I feel good so many people like my tweet and sometimes you tweet about stuff and people are like who cares shut up but it's like your Twitter account so it's kind of its kind of like that - yeah so can you say you said that sometimes wall hurts you use the Oh a lot can you tell me what you meant by that sorry if I didn't give you enough second um it's it's been a double-edged sword for me because it's obviously created a career for being everything and putting me where I am today but uh so there are many ways of explaining of how it hurts me for when we were talking about the changes while I was a pro there's the concepts of two verse wanting the top planar so they would switch bottom in top and that was a meta that was a meta they were constantly trying to fix for like three years and that's something that hurt me when the jungler gang stuff you're constantly yeah I'm a I'm a top player usually the top player top laners have to deal with most of the harassment throughout the game because for junglers they I just have to you know farm creeps and worry about the enemy jungler the mid laners they have a short lane so they don't get punished as hard top miners have the long Lane so there's more risk to me bottom liners have their support but top laners were left all alone we're basically left all alone and we're forced to pick characters that will allow us to survive drift less resources but at the same time you're also dealing with the enemy top laner where if he abuses that the higher level play it goes the harder it is so sure I just there's just so many factors and things that I don't want to get too far into it and and so if we think about gaming burnout is it sort of this idea of being forced to play in a particular way being forced to play a game that the meta has changed away from what you want it to be being forced to play League of Legends for your financial well-being for the people that have supported you feeling kind of an you bet you owe them or that you know they've supported you so that you should give them what they want is that what you mean by burnout No that's just me expressing my pain I guess what burnout really is is that I've played league of legends for like 12 hours a day for four five to six years doing my pro career and um I guess what the burnout is really comes from is not only playing it so much and grinding it so much but I guess what it comes from is not knowing how to take a break I think that's what really creates it for me okay buzz so I pardon me which iris if I'm a bit confused so you said during your pro career so when was was that some time ago or as are we talking about now are we talking about gaming Burma burnout a while ago um it was a while ago and I think I'm still kind of burnt out today as a gamer because I've played games every day of my life basically so what is the burnout that you so like let's just think about that right so that sounds kind of confusing to me and I'm gonna question your formulation of it so it makes absolute sense and I've dealt a lot with pro gamer burnout and streamer burnout and things like that actually my day job I'm a burnout specialist so do a lot of stuff work would burn out with like Investment Banking with entrepreneurs with physicians you know these you know there's like the 40-hour Work Week and the funny thing is that like many physicians just find that to be preposterous so like in residency the expectation is that you work 80 hours a week and the residency is what you do after med school when you actually learn how to be a doctor and so you have the the national medical accreditation institution which is called the ACGME and they basically had to pass a law that said that you can't work your residents more than 80 hours a week on average so what that means is that like what what residency programs do is they'll have some weeks where people will work like a hundred hours a week and then they'll have like a research block where they were supposed to be working like 50 hours a week and and it ends up like people work 80 90 100 hour weeks depending on whether you're a surgeon or psychiatrist or you know it just depends on what you do and so the you know it's strange because like in some you know you're kind of saying that 12 hours five to six days a week is between 60 and 72 hours of work a week and oh no I'm talking like seven days a week see yeah it's big I don't have like a specific number but it the lifestyle was wake up play all day sleep right so so that that is like I think often times if it may have been more than 12 hours right so like it may have been eight or sixteen and I think we should talk about that lifestyle because that's a lifestyle that you don't have to be a pro gamer to do it right wake up start with YouTube switch to some gaming watch a little bit of twitch go back to gaming back to a little bit of youtube learn something philosophical on YouTube for a little while you know pull out your switch in bed browse Reddit and then sleep it's like a it's like a full day so we can talk about that lifestyle I'm sorry did you want to say something okay yeah that's the idea of it but it's harder in a way because you're competing at the top level so there's just more stress involved sure instead of instead of it sounding like something were you you know it's just the casual lifestyle it's very much more stressful because um you live with other people on your team and you you deal with each other because of the gaming house such and such and you're just all trying to figure out how to win yeah so if you want to we can talk about that because I have some experience doing consulting for professional organizations for like physical sports and eSports and I don't know where people got the idea that twelve hours a day seven days a week makes you a better player than ten hours a day six days a week right so like there's this huge assumption in the world of eSports that the more you play the better you get and that the harder you grind the more you perform I don't know that that's actually the case what you thinking I think it really depends cuz I I can't say that I've seen players who've played like there's a Korean player we played against and he was late to scrims cuz he would just be playing all night all day he'd sleep for like four hours and just play for the rest of the day I guess the the key word here is being efficient about the time he put in yeah and also also efficiently resting yeah I completely agree and and so some of the consulting work that I've done has been around you know even like having people on the same pro team talk about their feelings with each other because a lot of times people get frustrated and upset with each other and that like ultimately the more frustrated and upset you are with your teammates the harder it is to hit a flow state and the one thing that I've heard time and time again whether it's with working with NFL players or overwatch athletes is like getting into the flow state is what wins you games and the more you can stay in the flow state it's it's being able if you're in a best-of-five like losing one game and being able to forget about that and focus on the second game completely independent of whether your tournament life is on the line or not it's just playing the best game you can play and I think a lot of that has way more to do with not just it's just not the number of hours you put in it's about being the best you it's like you said like kind of using your time efficiently making sure you and your team are harmonious like if you guys lose a game like are you guys blaming or is everyone blaming the top laner because they to view one top and their ADC got fed and then they lost or do they recognize that the reason that the ADC got fat is because you didn't have enough support and and are you guys playing to win are you guys playing to like you no blame each other so I think there's a lot in in the realm of eSports that I think is actually in its infancy and if you look at organizational psychology and in different organizations like I forget what Ray Dalio is there's a hedge fund manager named Ray Dalio and he he wrote an excellent book called principles and he runs one of the most successful runs in the world and just kind of talking a little bit about like how he runs his company and I think there are a lot of ways to run organizations that can improve efficiency and eSports is just really really behind and you get guys that are former pro players that know the game really well but really have no background in organizational behavior or management or anything like that anyway now I'm granting but um but you know dyrus let me let me toss something out so like I so are you burnt out today because you were a pro five to six years ago like why are you burnt out today so a few months ago I took a I decided to completely stop streaming for three months like just completely stop to see if I could feel better or get better and I did feel better about things but I didn't feel like it made too much of a difference basically like I like I said before my life as I wake up I eat I stream and I sleep but I also have a have a girlfriend so their girlfriends in between also and so it started to become where I need to manage my time to the point where I can at least do my everyday adult responsibilities and I think one of the reasons why I feel burnt out is cuz since I've played so much games it's really hard to find a game that's as fun as the time I enjoyed League of Legends like I'll enjoy some games for a few days but a lot of the time and this year and you'll hear a lot of people that play games say this is like oh man what what games do I play there's no good fun games at play man I can't wait for a new game to come out so I can play that and you play it and it only lasts so long and the you just feel a lot of emptiness because you don't have a game to get addicted to now for today specifically the game valor end is out so that's what I'm currently addicted to right now and [Music] how do you like that it's just a cycle I love the game I think the only time I felt discomfort in the game is when they they changed the headshot sound and when you shot them a head is like there's like a mute like a sound like you playing like a music counts ound keep playing and then like I forget whatever sound but they changed it to like this loud plate crunching sound and when you headshot people you'd hear that but they they took it off but for that day was actually like one of the worst days I've had in like the last month just because of that small thing how do you understand why such a small thing could affect you so profoundly because I joy in the sound cues when I you know I'm rewarded for playing well and the addiction sound cues and video games are actually super big to me if if they're like badly done or poorly quality no matter how good the gameplay is or no matter how good everything is the sound is like a huge part of my gaming experience are you tired right now darkness a little bit but I always sound like this and what is like this monotone Low Energy when you say always where you like this as a kid depends on what time as I was when I was a kid I go ahead I'm sorry you were saying thank you by the way so your question is am I always like this as a kid yeah we're you always like this as a kid um there's times where I was super energetic but because I was teased and bullied throughout my school years I became more shy and had anxiety with talking with people I was very awkward what happened when you became monotone with respect to the bullying um I think that's just my natural voice for when I came Molitor I get that I mean so you it's interesting because you said I used to get excited and then and then after that sentence literally you said I would get Boyd oh yeah and so it's strange for those two sentences to come back to back I'm very bad at explaining things and telling stories but basically I'm not so sure I agree with that but go ahead um so throughout my school life I used to be nice to all the kids in class because I wanted to be funny I wanted to make people laugh I want to make people happy and there are some kids in my high school that would take advantage of my kindness even though I was like even though I was like the biggest kid in class I started to get bullied and out of getting bullied I would get angry and they would tell on the teacher and tell me that I needed ingor management because I would get mad at them and yell back at them and so I had I had anger management in elementary school and I basically just used it as an excuse to get out of class and so I'll ask you again okay what happened to the bullies when you became monotone I guess I has nothing to do if if I interesting really so I think that I don't think you're a bad storyteller I just don't think you're consciously aware of what you're saying so when you say I'm a bad storyteller what I hear is that these dots don't feel connected and I shouldn't tell a more complete story right you know yeah but actually I feel like the dots are very connected what we're what we're literally hearing so let me tell you the story that I hear here's a kid who's expressive and what happens when he is expressive um I got bullied and I got sad you got bullied and you got saddened not just bullied right what did when you expressed things you got bullied and how did you respond to that that bullying angry you and that's expression mm-hmm and then when you expressing so you expressed something first the first time you get bullied you express something else and then what happens I got angry and then I would get sad because I was angry and then and then what are the teachers do but he put me in anger management which is a class that teaches you to do what to control my anger and become monotone see that uh yeah yeah like like literally literally just think about this for a second iris literally you were put in a class that taught you how to take what's on the inside and not show it to the people on the outside oh so that kind of like am i is that does that sound like a stretch to you no that makes sense yeah and and it's kind of weird I mean it's like I couldn't get a more perfect answer from you in terms of the poll this guy was actually taught this because it was weird cuz you said so I think dyrus I don't think I mean there are a couple of statements that you made about you know that are a little bit devaluing like I'm not a good storyteller I don't think that not a good storyteller I think that there are things that your mind is piecing together which consciously you don't understand but I think you understood this all along because you you actually it's strange to say I used to be an excited kid and I used to enjoy making people laugh and then I got bullied and I asked you a little bit about like have you always been this way and so your mind is already piecing together monotone monotone miss being excited as a kid and getting bullied like those three those three sentences are linked in your mind in some way and you're just not entirely sure how they fit together and because you're not sure how they fit together you can't tell a clear story about it but if I ask you the stories right there is that am I being too abstract I'm sorry oh no no you're you're completely correct that's that's exactly how I am I'm not able to tell it clearly because I don't think you understand it clearly right so I think that you know it but you don't understand it and and and the answers are there you just have to learn a process of accessing them and now I'm gonna share with you something that's really kind of bizarre so this isn't I could be completely wrong here but like you're telling me that you're burnt out right and you're telling me like when I asked you originally about burnout you said 12 hours a day for like five to seven days a week and when I pressed you a little bit further it's basically gaming all day every day TSM House pro gamer all this kind of stuff but like it's weird because it's like why the are you burnt out now like when I my first answer your first answer to when did you experience burnout as you talked about something that you haven't been a pro now for four years right mm-hmm and and I'm not saying that you aren't burnt out now I'm just saying it's kind of strange that your answer it's like oh yeah why are you sad and someone says yeah you know I had a I had a really a toxic relationship four years ago and it's like sure that probably has something to do with it but it's strange that the burnout has kind of lingered so long does that make sense hey oh good I I guess that my my lifestyle from four years ago the only thing that's change is that instead of it being super high skill and competitive and stressful and being in a team environment and went from that to just putting all my time into streaming and at the same time it took up my time which was good for me but um I went through a lot of pain at the end of the year cuz I I stopped playing and I had a relationship where I broke up end of the ears meaning which year um end of my pro career okay and when I stopped playing pro I broke up so I felt a lot of pain during the time and then I got over it just one just a roller coaster of emotions throughout the next years I moved out of the TSM house i i i lived with uh one of my former teammates i had to learn how to take adult responsibilities because i never i always ignored all of that because the team would take care of it paying rent paying for sounder you sound like a top laner let me just think about it right the roller coaster being done with the pro team moving out losing your girlfriend you're alone I think a lot of people can relate with that so I think a little people can do yeah but I yeah I am I do have the top planar mentality yeah I know and he would keep going at it and I didn't mean to interrupt oh so two men I'm sorry so I I moved from the TSM house which was in LA to an apartment near them and then I lived there for two years and then I moved to Austin Texas for two years and now I'm I bought a house in Wichita Kansas and so now I live in Wichita which it's okay Kansas hmm do you feel like you're left all alone oh no I I've had a girlfriend for the last three years sure I understand you have a girlfriend do you feel like you've been left all alone as like a player this person or just do those words mean something to you do they resonate with how you feel do I I feel like because I'm not a pro anymore I've learned that there's a lot of people that lose interest in me because I'm not pro which is understandable but the ones that have pretended to be closer than they really are have also shown and I there's like there's like three different phases of it the first one is I'm a pro player lots of fans people talk about me every day when I was a pro confession here when I was a pro I would do things like look up my own name that's a that's something where I enjoyed the intention the attention and so that was the first phase I would stop being pro the second phase was I would I'm just a streamer I would I retired I was still relevant as a streamer and I kept streaming every day and slowly as I played more and more I let I cared less for the for being good at the game and with that people also started to care about me less and it slowly became this thing where I was scared of being irrelevant I was scared of you know losing value of being relevant and so I thought to myself for a long time like what what matters to me most and so it was hurting me and I so I decided to quit League after a certain point and then the last phase was still trying to decide do I care about being relevant or do I care about what's happy like what's good for me but they're all connected in some kind way so it's just like it's like if you behind your PC there's a bunch of cords and it gets all over the place that's how that's how I feel about my different phases of life like it's just the cords are just everywhere and I don't know how to that's burnout buddy I'm gonna tell you something doesn't sound absolutely crazy I don't think it has to do with your pro career I don't think it's any of that I think it's all the cords being untangled I think life is overwhelming like you don't know what to do you don't know what's gonna make you feel good you don't know what you should do you don't know how to make money you don't know how to have fun I ask you do you feel like you're left all alone and then you say I have a girlfriend and then I ask you the same damn question again I'm not trying to beat you up here right myself at any point no no you're completely fine and then you say I have a girlfriend and then I ask you do you feel left alone and you're like I'm not sure what that means then I ask you a third time do those words sit with you and you say yes and there we see your confusion because you're like in some part of your mind you're thinking to yourself I shouldn't feel this way because I have a girlfriend like in what where is feeling alone come from because I've done the things I'm in Wichita I have some real friends I recognize I don't I have some fake friends I figured out who those are because you're solving so many problems like you're doing so good right and that's why it's so confusing you've moved to Wichita you figured out sort of what you're gonna do for your mental health you've got this girlfriend you're playing Valerie it's it's a lot of fun and like you're you're checking all the boxes but like you feel wrong you feel alone and burnt out and like there's a lot of tangled up behind the computer and you don't know what plugs into what and what goes where in which cord does what you know it's all there in some way but it's just not fit together yeah completely agree what are you feeling right now a bit of relief well maybe a tear in my eye a little happy I guess your daughter that one yeah hmm sensitive to sound huh yeah I am sensitive to sound yeah I see that I think you're a really sensitive guy what do you think I've been told that a lot but I've always tried to put up the front of you know I'm holding it down yeah monotone I hold it in a law huh I don't think this is burnout I think it's bourbon bourbon cuz here's here's what was confusing to me right is that you say okay I ask you the first question and and really I'm not trying to say you're stupid or anything I'm just pointing out what your mind is doing okay so just try to pay attention I asked you like about burnout your first thing is you talk about life is a pro and that was four years ago which is that the source of your burnout and then you say well I sort of continued that lifestyle I wake up every day I still do all this kind of stuff okay so like maybe it's the lifestyle maybe it's streaming and you were like yeah but I've placed programming with streaming that makes sense to streamers get burnt out all the time and then comes the really confusing thing which is that you say I took a break for three months and it helped a little now that's really confusing because if it's the pro gaming and if it's the streaming and you took a break from it then that should help a lot so either you're doing your standard thing where you sort of downplay the impact of things you say a little bit like you say maybe a tear in my eye right you have this tendency to use like small words mm-hmm so maybe it's that but I think I think it just it's a clue that it's not actually those environments and I know this sounds completely crazy but I think you carry the burnout with you and I think that one of the most confusing things about being a human being especially when you've been entrained to not feel what you feel on the inside and if you really want to understand this we have to talk about your internship with your dad's company okay right and I think we've got a lot there but but that you're a guy who has taken what you feel and you shafted aside for the sake of other things for the sake of not getting in trouble in class you've taken your excitement in your joy and you put them aside because of your fear of bullying you've taken your frustration when people bully you and you try to defend yourself and then the teacher like brings down your neck and then you got put in an anger management class and those kids are like you dyrus you suck and then you're not allowed to say anything and you become a pro player we're like no one cares that you're tired no one cares that you're left all alone in the top light in a shitty meta where it's to be one top like no one cares they're like liars yeah that is the general idea but I don't want I want to say this because that would be disrespectful towards of people that have cared for me like there are a lot of people have supported me in my community that have watched me for a long time and have supported me for a long time so I don't want to forget about sharing coz it's so easy to focus on the negative yeah so I'm I'm so let me be clear I'm glad you said that I'm not trying to paint everyone with a bad brush although I am doing exactly that the reason that I'm doing that is because I'm amplifying because you're suppressive mm-hm so I'm gonna blow things out of proportion okay and then I think somewhere in the middle between you downplaying things and me like up playing things we're gonna arrive at somewhere near the truth which is not that it's it's not that it's your your kids I mean they're your parents teammates Mike my kid is shouting my name in the background but my it's not your teammates fault that the meta is that way but I think it still speaks to I think they're hunting for her because she's looking for me and she usually wants nothing here but I I think somewhere along this is like it's the feeling of being left all alone right and there's something about a feeling there's something about a burden that you carry with you there's something about what you feel in terms of burnout that actually is not because you're a pro player or because you're a streamer because if you took a three-month break that should have made a big difference if that's the source of it so this is the really crazy thing is that when we think about life and we think about why we feel the way that we do we tend to attribute the way that we feel to external things you say the reason I'm burnt out is because I was a pro is because I'm a streamer you know the reason that I'm unhappy is because my wife doesn't do XYZ or my girlfriend doesn't care about me enough for the reason that I feel alone is because I don't have a girlfriend right I feel so lonely because I have no one to love and no one loves me and all this kind of and then the funny thing is that you've done some of those things that are supposed to make those feelings go away and then it's kind of confusing and then you end up with all the cords behind your PC because this is how you're supposed to feel and I'm sure that you do feel I mean I'm not sure but I imagine you feel loved and appreciated by your girlfriend and all that stuff like you have all the positive things in the relationship that the girlfriend is supposed to give you and yet you still feel left alone and that's exactly my point it's not the girlfriend it's not that you are pro player it's not that you're a streamer this is something that you carry within you it's something you carried for a long time and now this is kind of cool because what this means it's kind of cool and it's kind of crappy because on the one hand you don't have to change anything in the outside world you don't have to be a pro again you know what this means is that you are not you are not forced into playing something for your fans or your money or whatever like you can if you need money and streaming is the way that you're gonna get it that's fine but the feelings that you have inside are not controlled by what happens on the outside so the cool thing is like that should be a little bit liberating and it should also be really really confusing because then like what the are they controlled by really any thoughts so far are we good questions I I feel like the three-month break I I feel like one of the reasons why it didn't really help as much but helped a little bit was because I don't know how to take a break one of the things my girlfriend has mentioned to me is that I should try and find another hobby because my mind is so reliant on playing games and because all other than playing games all only other thing I do is watch anime or read manga or watch TV shows and um I can't I can't really find anything else that holds me up the same way for example when the Valerii change happened I was having a really shitty day and I don't know there's not my favorite TV shows there there's no episodes out I don't know what to watch like what it was yeah so we're gonna talk about dopamine exhaustion and and how your brain may really not be helping you right now but I want to point something else out to you I don't know how to take a break is that something in the outside world or is that something on the inside is that within you were that something in the environment I think that's mostly within me because if I had if I had to choose like my parties and life like gaming is like top three sure pop - what does that have to do with not knowing how to take a break so I don't I don't know do to feel relaxed I guess okay I beautiful sentence okay and therein lies our problem what to do to feel okay we're gonna help you out dyrus I'm gonna try so I'm gonna give you another sentence I should learn a new hobby is that something on the inside or something on the outside it's something told from now and it's something that on the inside it's like yeah I should do that but then I though a hobby is external right like like the point here is that you don't know how to take a break and say your girlfriend says learn a hobby but like and I'm gonna say the last thing so now here's the beautiful sentence I don't know what to do to feel relaxed so that implies that your relaxation comes from something on the outside does that make sense I don't know what to do to feel relaxed yes I think that is accurate right so the the thing the hypothesis that I'm asking you to entertain is that you were looking for far too many solutions on the outside and if we look at it like the more that we look at your problem you say I'm burnt out because I was a pro player I'm burnt out because I'm a streamer but then if we want to be really scientific about it then removing those things should relieve your burnout but when you did that for three months it didn't really relieve your burn out and in fact when you did that so that didn't work and then when we asked you why it's because I don't know how to take a break that's the answer the answer is it that you should find something else to distract you and you kind of say like okay I need an anime or manga or whatever but like the point is that you have things to distract you you have shows you can play valent you know how to engage your mind but despite engaging your mind and watching anime and and and reading manga and playing valent and whatever you still carry this feeling of being left alone of feeling burnt out like that's something you carry within you and no amount of doing any outside is ever gonna fix that like finding a new hobby is not going to fix that it's just gonna teach you to be distracted from it like do you see how your mind moves from distraction - distraction you have to rotate because as the dopamine from valence starts to get like like as you build up tolerance from the dopamine release from Valerie you have to move to anime and then you build up tolerance to that and then you have to move to manga and then you build up tolerance to that and then you you you cross your fingers and you hope that by the time you burn through your three there's something you can watch Netflix and by the time you burn through that by then your dopamine will have like recalibrated with valent you can go back to square one mm-hmm and what we see is a generation of people that move from distraction to the distraction - distraction YouTube reddit twitch gaming YouTube reddit twitch gaming our anime manga D&D I can't tell you how many times that I catch myself just clicking on Twitter over and over Twitter list just our society is like yeah man you want you want another hit like let me show you Twitter let me show you read it like here man like oh yeah that cocaine is really good actually really try a speedball toss some heroin in there a little bit of tic toc I've told a lot of my friends this that so in Hawaii there's a lot of drug trafficking and every person I knew had some kind of connection to drugs and when I was in middle school now sad I got peer pressured into trying some drugs and I had tried a bunch of drugs and I always told my friend I asked my friends do you know what the number one drug of the mall for me is and the reason why I don't do drugs it's just video games video games is my strongest addictions that you don't do drugs you just don't ingest substances big difference yeah what we're addicted to is avoidance right it's like all these things and like I'm with you man like you know my dopamine gets going - it's a beautiful story but I think that dyerson that your answers are not it's like nothing on the outside man it's all on the inside and this is a good person oh yeah go ahead so what do i what do i do yeah like that's the best question to ask it's a great question okay so the answer unfortunately is a little bit complex but the second but the first thing is that you've done a big part today like because just in realizing like you know that the answer is not on the outside is gonna be huge because I think so far for most of your life you've been looking for answers on the outside mmm-hmm and I think I mean in some ways it's gonna feel it's gonna be easier than you think it is but you can't really do it which makes it hard I know it sounds kind of weird and I know I I completely understand that statement so please explain it to us because it's like when you see someone do something it's easier said than done because there's so many complex things that go into it some people just have a knack for it I just understand certain parts of it and for others it's it can be something as simple as like whistling you know you some people just naturally can whistle and when I was little I can't I can't whistle now I can never whistle but for some people seem simple but maybe there's some kind of feeling in my mouth for shape that I'm supposed to make to whistle but I can't do it because I don't I just doesn't click with me it's a beautiful example so here's the thing I think whistling is the perfect example so I think it's like whistling in the sense that you got a try and you got a try and you got a try and then one day you're gonna do it that's really how it works and and that's why you know people talk about enlightenment you've heard of enlightenment it's like you know in the Buddhists and Hindus talk about it a fair amount je n'ai I'm sorry could you repeat that you're familiar with the concept of enlightenment yay or nay you know your problem like Buddhism yes yet missionary Christian like being stuck in a closet for two hours I see who you really are I like that something like that there's this idea that like you know people reach this moment of realization where they discover their true self and then they feel like they're blissful and happy and and they're suffering all goes away and like that and I think that the was like realization comes in moments right I'm sure there have been times in your life or like if you think about your pro league career we're in the process of becoming a pro like one day something clicked for you and then you understood something that you didn't understand for and then you became better because of it does that make sense I understand the concept yeah okay and so the tricky thing about you know how do you learn to take a break which is I think what you need to do you know it's it's hard it's kind of like whistling you just have to keep trying at it for a while and then you'll kind of like you'll hit upon it one day and I can give you some I'll give you some more structured answer than that okay okay I don't know there is one thing that I've been missing this entire time that I wanted to mention that's also caused all this so when he offends there's negative reactions and positive obviously but I think one of the things that causes me to be stressed out and irritated as when I stream or maybe go post something on Twitter there's like twitch Ted you know how twitch attack can get it under everyone's skin maybe someone asks the same question you've been as hearing for four months a good example is when I when I stopped playing League of Legends several years ago I kept that getting asked play League when are you playing league and I put out like two videos I put a command for it I've expressed it so many times and I get told the like I swear to God if there was a command that triggered every time I've been asked the same question of the common question of when are you gonna play league right now the common question is are you and your girlfriend still together that one's the common one now but I swear to god it it's been asked that at least in the five digits amount of times and that that is something that really just gets to me and I've been trying to gnome out what gets to you about that let's talk about that for sharing by the way yeah I wanted I felt like something was missing in all this yo you're absolutely right and I wonder if twitch a can figure out what it is what bothers you about that don't look at twitch chat by the way they're pretty good at this by now i i have twitch chat off I made sure to not have it on this entire time no Matt home yeah of course not um so when I first became quote-unquote a pro famous I didn't see myself as it but people come up for autographs like you know I'm happy to answer all the questions talk to them but after a long time it's like I still do like doing it a little bit as long as people are happy I'm happy but the constant questioning of the same thing over and over just just gets to me and I start to act more negatively negatively and let's say someone asked how are you doing and instead of being like I could easily just be like fine I end up ignoring it or maybe if I'm in a bad mood I act negatively so let's just let's forget about your reaction let's rewind a little bit they risk and ask and ask how does that make you feel dyrus when they asked over and over and over again it's really irritated bitter and I guess being asked the question over and over and having to answer it over and over again what's irritating about that what does that mean what kind of question gets why do you have to answer something over and over and over again because if I'm streaming I feel like I should interact with my chat sure that's why you're streaming but let's just think about this for a second okay like what's let me just think about whether I want to just tell you or trying to walk you to it because I don't know how to ask the questions the right way so I'll ask you this Cyrus has there been a time in your life when people didn't listen all the time I actually I'm actually a very special case for that there's been many instances where I've said things and not not just people asking the same question over and over but just like even people that I know even in a competitive environment when I'll say something and it's just completely ignored in throughout my career I want to go under the age how old are you now tires if you don't mind me asking I am 20th alright so we're gonna go back to 18 or the the latest I'm gonna let you go as to when you quit your internship or you got fired tell me about how you were not listened to before I'm thinking about it though it has happened um I guess the easiest example I can think of is I've had friends who became in relationships and I was always in the middle of it I guess I would because I was good friends with both of them so I'd kind of be like in the twilight zone and I would tell them certain things like if you do this this is gonna happen or you shouldn't do this it's this is gonna happen and they don't listen just like whoa what was the point of saying in the first place you know why I ask me if you're not gonna listen and I've had that situation a lot in many different scenarios is luck is is in the twilight zone does that feel like left all alone not not really that's fine about it add as much I'm just trying to understand what by what what you meant by that term not everything has so connected by the way yeah okay you know yes so let me ask you can I ask you a couple questions yeah can you tell me about how you ended up can you tell me a little bit about growing up in Hawaii um so I grew up and a I had my mom dad grandma auntie and cousin living in the same house we lived right across like a college and a school um growing up my dad gave me the belt cuz I what happened was that I drew you know those videotape cassettes I threw one at my cousin and she was laughing so I was like oh she likes this so I threw another one she started bleeding crying and then I got the belt cuz yeah I was dumb kid but I'm Hillary I was like three years old three four years old and so growing up in that household my grandma would babysit me the video games that my parents bought for me babysit me I guess I kind of bullied my cousin a little bit at the start but then I stopped I was actually kind of a mean kid growing up so that when when it came to some things but I immediately stopped after a certain point like there was a time where I his thing yeah go ahead oh there there was a time where I've now now I think back on it I was kind of mean but I never was like trying to be mean it was just I was just saying or doing whatever I felt like I was more free as a kid uh what did what did you wanna say why do kids why are kids mean I mean aside from the general fact that all all kids are me cuz I didn't know anything I don't know any boundaries the only boundaries i falled were the rules that were set to me mm-hmm let me ask you something do kids do something big so when a kid speaks and this is gonna be sounded kind of a stupid question so it may not even make sense when a kid speaks is a kid able to speak because know something or because they don't know something they just do because I want to sure but the capacity of speech for a child is that because of something that a child knows or because of a child what a child doesn't know because they know how to speak right so like if I have a if I have a kid that goes peepee on the potty versus peepee somewhere else like is it because the kid knows where to go peepee or kind of doesn't know know where to go peepee I'm being your kid here yes it's a dumb question so I'll just be instead of asking you questions I'm just gonna say it so I think kids are taught things right kids do what they're taught to do that's how kids learn so like you know if you're a mean kid I don't think that's because you didn't know better any better I think it's actually exactly the opposite it's because that's what you knew mmm-hmm does that make sense like kids do things so like you know I've worked with kids that will so I one time worked with a kid that would tear holes in stuffed animals and put pieces of candy inside the butthole that it would make for the child I mean so they would make a bottle in a stuffed animal and it would soft candy in there or why do you think that kid does that like a three and a half year old the story may be making a pinata no it's because someone did that to that child oh yeah that was a very that makes sons yeah yeah how do you feel right now diners um just one of those extreme examples it kind of reminds me of uh when destiny makes those extreme examples it's kind of token back I guess you know do you think about you being a mean kid you know I guess I would I didn't know anything but after what we said it doesn't seem like to be the right thing to say yeah absolutely I know it doesn't feel that way to you but remember that like what we're the whole theme of this conversation dyrus is that things don't appear to make sense for you for you even though you understand them mm-hmm right even when we think about like burnout and when we think about you know I think well there are a lot of things here that you understand that I just don't think you know you understand and I'm not surprised at all you were a mean kid and I knew you were gonna be a mean kid the second you said two words give you any any idea what those words are maybe twitch chat knows when I get irritated when people repeat themselves nope the belt okay how do you understand what am I trying to say any idea because I got the belt at a young age that caused me to be afraid and I'm not just afraid buddy no no you're missing this so like you got the belt and what was your dad being to you in that moment mean to me absolutely so kids learn what they're taught okay right rude and I think I think it's weird because you say I used to be a mean kid until one day I woke up and I wasn't anymore and I think that's the day that you started to think for yourself in some way but I think you were just doing like you were throwing objects at someone and you thought it was fun until they started getting hurt and like you didn't understand any better right like you you just it's so interesting that you remember you have such a clear memory as a three-year-old because I don't know if you know this but like three olds don't really have good memory I I have a few plate I remember standing on the scale and I'm being like oh I'm 50 pounds how three years old and birth oh I think three is when I started to be conscious of things and I think well they're written conscious i-i thinkt one of the reasons why i remember a lot is because i played video games and i remember a lot of video games well that's I don't maybe that's not it I I think that I can remember video a lot of video games because I was I played a lot of video games yeah so I think I don't I think it's the other way around I think you're you're demonstrating that you had memories way clear of video games at a very young age right so so anything you just remember videogames because you became conscious at a very young age it's not the other way around video games aren't the causative factor it's just that yeah yeah yeah yes yes I mean and so I I'm hearing that you learn yeah I mean so when you weighed yourself at the age of three and you were 50 pounds how did you treat yourself and how did other people treat you they didn't mean anything it's just a memory okay can I just think for a second oh go ahead you darris I'm not getting the sense that we're gonna be able to tie this up with a nice neat and bow program in the next 30 minutes I mean there are many questions that I want to ask I think we're getting on the important stuff but like we can just get to the points like the stuff that really matters well I mean I think all of this really matters I'm just I'm just not sure we're gonna you know so in my mind the tying up the bow is in teaching you how to take a break it's about helping you be more in tune with your internal environment it's about not suppressing the things that you feel and making sense of things that you don't understand it's a tall order I just don't think it can be accomplished in the next 30 minutes alright and I think that there's just so much here that is like low-hanging fruit like I don't think you appreciate all right I would love it if you could learn to appreciate or explore I mean I could be wrong here that let me put it this way so I think you feel the way that you do because it's not burn like you carry the burn out with you it's not because of an external thing it's because of an internal thing I think you get frustrated with people because you haven't been listened to and like I can imagine a child in so many situations that you've described being frustrated because they aren't listened to I can imagine when your dad pulls out the belt you try to explain to him I thought she was having fun and him not giving a like I I can see your genuine confusion I could imagine a three-year-olds genuine confusion or not even having the words to be able to say that but just like trying to explain to like your dad as he like pulls off the belt that like you didn't mean to write because you remember that you remember that she was laughing and you remember why you threw it again and you remember that there was no malice in your heart and you got beat for it and that you had a different side of the story and then we can fast-forward a grade-school when my kids make fun of you and they bully you and then you fight back and then the teacher comes over they go red they they provoke you and they bully you and then they go tell on you and the teacher comes over and then what do you try to do you try to explain and you say no they started it and the teacher doesn't listen then we also get this complex that you've been showing us a little bit of about like how you're not good with your words and you don't understand like you know you said that a couple of times like I'm not being clear or something like that mm-hmm and I and I think that somewhere along the way like you started to feel like people don't listen to you and then we know this because I'll ask you these questions I'll be like you know I sort of asked you know a bunch of different ways and then I said dyrus do you feel like you have them and listened to and you're like all the time and if it's all the time do you see how that means that you carry it with you it's been with you all along if it's all the time it's not an external environment it's you does that make sense yes that makes homes and and so the and and then when we think about being burnt out it's like there's a sense of confusion about your life and and there's a sense of being left all alone and I don't know where that comes from but I think that I mean I think it comes back to like this story I mean I think we're gonna find a lot I mean I don't really know but the story that you described to me about your your dad and his company like can you just tell us that like what happened in high school and and and it sounds like you got I mean when you say you got the belt so it sounds like that wasn't a one-time occurrence oh it was only one time it was only one time it's interesting yeah okay um okay so in other ways um I mean sometimes I got yelled at for doing dumb things sounds pretty normal Oh in third in third grade you took me into or he put me in baseball cuz uh you know it'd be good give me a hobby growing up just give me a sports early maybe I could be an X homerun hero you know I'll go MLB but um so we went to baseball practice and all our teammates weren't there like they're there at another basketball game watching like friends or family be in a basketball game and we were there and we forgot they told us and so I showed my dad my math homework and I thought it was right but he said it was wrong and so we got irritated me for half-assing it which I always did I always have asked things a lot but I would always do them and he's like all right boy let's let's play catch you know and so I played catch with him and my form was like a little off I also was scared of the ball because when the baseballs being thrown at you I just you know a flinch I'm not as used to it I'm scared of being hit sure and so he got here at 8:00 he got irritated that I was flinching the story's probably clear from him but basically he was irritated at me because I was flinching I wasn't you know thrown the ball right kind of being a and one time he threw it hard and it hit my left eye and I got a bruise on my left eye and I and I I fell over and I remember the lying when he talks about today's like damn boy I thought I killed you I was scared to death and he told me that he learned a life lesson there and he started to be nicer after that but yeah that I really hurt hit getting hit by baseball in the eye so that was that was another time where he was I mean harangue angry to me but he he he actually learned something like a big thing about that dyrus you're laughing what's funny about that because when we talk about it my dad laughs about it and I think about it as a as a vent were I I didn't cry I was just like in pain and dyrus was me about it it's just the thing I can look back on just as an event wow he looks so terrified I say like that because I don't I'm asked a question and you're not giving me an answer and so I'm bludgeoning to you here are my baseball's what's funny about it I'm not sure he's a lot sister it seems funny to me about on now on yeah so let me tell you the story that I heard yeah there's this one time yeah I took my third grade kid out to the out to play baseball and that that dumbass hadn't done is his math homework right and so he was like he's such a he like didn't know how to catch and so I threw the ball at him and I threw harder and harder and harder knees flinch I okay and then and then I I popped him in the head and boy I almost killed him and then I learned my lesson so I think I think what was funny to me is because my dad for the first time in my life I realized that my dad was super scared from it and that's something I that's a side I've never seen him I am super scared of what God thought he really hurt like killed me or something you know you're telling me for that for the first time in your life in the third grade you saw a sign from your dad that he cared about you know he God that just makes me feel so bad thinking about that way I understand remember I'm amplifying because you're doing yeah right right so so dyrus here's what I want you to notice okay okay you can feel like a bad person for thinking or saying those things and I may be amplifying right like I may not be characterizing it like please you haven't told me the thousand stories about your dad when he did demonstrate the scary I don't think your dad was an mm-hmm okay but like I want you to just notice notice the stories that you're saying is the story that you told me is not funny when your dad tells that story the lack of this the fact that he laughs is also not funny like that's not funny man I understand that we laugh at it and there's a very good reason that we laugh at it we laugh at it because humor is a defense mechanism and because sometimes when things become morbid we laugh because that's the only way that we can't deal with it but the problem is that like you know your dad laughs because it makes him uncomfortable but I really do think that there's something a little bit like there's something a little bit off about this whole picture right there's there's something a little bit off about it you know you laughing because your dad was scared of hurting you like what the it's and and I'm not a few yeah go ahead okay um you can continue so I I'm not saying I'm not saying that I'm painting a picture of reality and I'm not trying to shame you and I understand if you feel guilt or shame or that sounds bad and I understand that like most parents are like not perfect and I'm sure that your dad loved you and I'm sure that in a lot of ways he was a good dad and he tried his best and like all that kind of stuff I'm not trying to turn him into a demon but I am pointing out that I think something in your life left a couple of scars oh yeah my my parents were divorced I forgot to mention that okay sure and and what I see in you today is because I like my whole point here so like I'm gonna try to sort of wrap things together okay not to say that we're done because I don't know how to how you fix this but here's the first thing that I'm noticing that your burnout sure has a lot to do with your lifestyle and stuff like that but that's some of your burnout you carry with you it's like it's on the inside it's not on the outside and that no amount of hobbies anime gaming Netflix or girlfriends because it sounds like you do pretty well for yourself I am very first of all probably kind of thing yeah but no amount of that stuff is gonna make that go away because you've been like that's like a statement of science like it's a statement of empiricism because you've tried it all right you've tried three-month breaks you've tried watching anime you've found a really fun game you have a girlfriend you're doing all of the things that should make the feelings go away but they don't go away so the first thing to understand is that burnout is coming from here not something on the outside okay and what is burnout the two themes that I'm hearing from you are feeling forced to play feeling forced into things and that I think is tied to people not listening I think somewhere along the way like you sort of learned the lesson that people don't listen and it hurts and so you've got to go back and you've got to explore that hurt like when people should have listened and they did when riot listen didn't lists they should have listened and they didn't right when your teammates should have listened and they didn't when twitch chat should have listened because you've answered a thousand times and they didn't and you're gonna see this pop up because I can predict that the conflict that you have with your girlfriend is about her not listening I think I don't want to get deep into the bat because uh yeah but I I I want to say that we feel differently about things sure and I all I I just want to clarify that yes this a lot everything you just said yeah I feel that way but I just want to clarify that I'm also not the perfect human being we're not talking about her being right or wrong and we're not talking about whether she does listen or she doesn't listen what I'm saying is that you were sensitive to people not listening and that you were going to perceive y'all's conflict in early in your relationship is her not listening or anytime that she doesn't listen that's going to hurt you more because you're already wounded there does that make sense it's not even gonna be like like it's reasonable for her to not listen sometimes like partners aren't perfect but what I'm saying is that you've kind of got like a particular vulnerability like that's the in your armor right that's that's your weak spot that's where you get critically hit okay you're critical hits are around people not listening feeling forced into things that you don't want to do and feeling left all up and those are the things that we've heard you in some way kind of talk about when I ask you you know maybe when have you not been listened to in your like all the time right so that tells us like that's a weak spot and that's where you get critically hit and so as you go through life but the problem here is that anytime we get critically hit we look on the outside and we say like oh man that weapon hurts a lot but the problem isn't that the weapon is critically hitting you the problem is that you have a weak spot it's not about the weapon it's about you I think I kind of create that weak spot sometimes you absolutely create that weak spot that's my whole point okay excellence is that this stuff you carry with you and comes from within you and that no amount of finding a hobby is gonna keep you from creating that weak spot and this is the really tricky thing because you actually have control over this you absolutely create it and that also gives you power right if you're responsible for something if it's truly your fault and this is a big problem that people do right as we blame things for we blame ourselves for things that were not empowered for like it's like either you have the power we feel powerless and we blame ourselves those two things cannot fit together those two things don't work together if it's your fault then you had the power and if you're powerless it's not your fault but that's not what we tell ourselves we play this a really up game where we're like we blame ourselves for this but we feel like we're powerful us know and so I do think you can control it I mean control it in the sense of I think you need to heal it it needs healing right it doesn't it's not like and so the question is how so I think the first thing that I would say is notice that look for these three things in your life and notice when they pop up are you feeling left are you feeling like a top laner is this the top lane all over again well you're trying to do stuff and like you're trying to pay bills and no one's helping you pay bills and you're supposed to take care of this and you're supposed to take care of that and you've been left out in the wind that's a feeling you should look for number two feeling is like wonder when do people not listen so look for those things just notice them within yourselves and as you notice them recognize that those may or may not be applicable to the actual situation that some of this is coming from you it's not actually that the you know the dagger is like an a piece of epic gear it's that you have a weak spot like it's not like the problems aren't in the external world they're in here and the first thing you've got to do is train yourself to look within instead of look outside okay second thing is to think back to where that that weakness became exposed because you have to go back to like when this started like so when are the times in your life and you did a good job today like when were you not listened to right and I'll ask you questions like when else was your dad mean to you I would imagine that the belt was used a couple of times you're like no one actually wasn't surprising but fine right sometimes the belt is a one time thing and then you laughed and you're like oh by the way and so your mind is linking that to your dad being mean even though you say it while you're laughing and he laughs about it and you even sort of demonstrate like that he cared about you after that and was nicer to you so even though that story has a positive spin you gave me that answer when I asked about your dad being me so there's some part of your mind that equates your dad being mean there and the more that I push you on that you're like yeah you're making me feel like an and you're making me my dad look like an and then you feel protective and defensive which is fine but my point is the story isn't funny right what jokes are funny like dr. Kaiser boomer hahaha that's funny right like memes like I also Google myself but the reason I googled myself is because people make fun of me and they just do a really good job and I think it's actually where these people are very creative yeah that shit's funny getting hit in the face with a baseball by your dad who's pissed at you for being a that's not funny and so somewhere along the way like you become disconnected from your internal environment that - you've got to like reconnect with like you've got to you know get in touch with your feelings bro you know cuz there's a lot there and then like last thing is like you should think about seeing a therapist if you aren't already yeah I've I've been I'm actually been connected with one that I'm going to start good doing yeah and something that I told him well that him but my girlfriend told me to do also and I don't think that I definitely should do and and so I it's like work on this stuff right like start to talk about those things and start to talk about how you feel because end of the day I don't think you have to live a life where you feel burnt out and the last thing which we don't have kind of too much time to talk about is I think your brain has a lot of signs of dopamine exhaustion which is like when when you sort of get hit with dopamine time and time and time again through extensive years of game and stuff like that stuff can feel blase monotone or less fun and and then I you know I I think that like doing something like a dopamine fast may be a good idea or like a dopamine cleanse what are you kind of like you can really recalibrate your brain and then the last thing that you can do is and I've talked about that before on stream like it's on YouTube and stuff and I'll give people more details about that but the last thing that you can do is meditate and if you want to learn some meditation I can teach you today okay you have it all greens with meditation I've been told to try it before and I feel like I've pretended to do it but I'd never really you know I feel like giving it a shot today or maybe pretending or do you want to bow out oh no I'll try whatever the her hmm actually there are cases reports of meditation induced psychosis so but I don't think that's gonna happen with you I hope no yeah but yeah so let's let me just think I want to technique that I think is gonna be a little bit hard to learn because it feels super awkward but I feel like it's the right technique for you is it okay if I we try that yeah I'm gonna teach you something called bellows breath okay so if you need to blow your nose you can start by blowing your nose I can't but so I want you to sit up straight and I'm gonna demonstrate once okay so what I'm gonna do is take 30 breaths I'm gonna do 30 strong exhalations where I push the air out and then I'm gonna kind of have like a super quick and shallow inhalation and then I'm gonna push it out again push it out again push it out out again so I'm gonna like basically forcefully exhale 30 times so I'll just demonstrate and then let me know if you understand it it's gonna feel weird but I'll just start that makes sense forcefully excelling 30 times yeah we're out in it without inhale you have to inhale right okay exhale without inhaling yeah but the emphasis is gonna be on the exhale so what I'm gonna ask you to do is let's try five breaths where you kind of boom boom boom boom boom that's what I want you to do so close your eyes forcefully exhale good right so now we're gonna do it again that's perfect even it'll out a little bit right so you went boom boom boom boom boom so do try to make it even five more in that order or just just making it even just make it even okay okay good so you're noticing that the breath is gonna go a little bit more shallow as you go towards the end so now I want you to space them out just a little bit don't go quite as fast five more a little bit slower okay good any history of asthma No okay so now we're gonna do 15 okay and just focus on one two and go at that pace that you just went oh girl okay I might've lost count that's okay don't worry about it losing counts perfectly fine so how do you feel right now do you feel silly or anything no I just feel fine okay so now what I'm gonna tell you to do now we're gonna really learn the practice okay so now I want you to go for 20 breaths and if you lose count actually you just you just breathe I'm just gonna let you know it's gonna be about 20 breaths and I'll tell you when to stop and what what the real practices is after the 20 breaths you're gonna enter a space in your mind that I want you to just sit in and notice that last breath after you're done with the practice you're naturally gonna take a breath and just be completely in that breath as much as possible okay that's focus so you giving me the cue or I'm gonna give you the cue I'm gonna tell you when to stop and I want you to leave your eyes closed I'm gonna tell you when to open your eyes again and just sit in the space after the practice and whatever comes up let it come up try not to engage with your thoughts so if you have a thought that's fine but then just like let it go and just focus on the way that you feel okay okay it sounds kind of weird until you do it alright so close your eyes deep breath in and begin good and now we're gonna begin again 20 more I'll keep count and I'll count down from 5 4 3 2 1 to signal the end and keep your eyes closed and sit with that last breath let's begin again 5 4 3 2 1 that's it one last time 20 breaths I'll count down from five go ahead and start five four three two one now I want you to take a deep breath in for three seconds and out for three in four five and not four five and now in four seven and out for seven slow slow slow and you're ready open your eyes come on back to us tears you we feel feel like I took a nap and woke up why did you feel like you were asleep what is that it kind of felt similar to the tingling sensation of dreaming why do we why do we describe meditation like sleep right it's kind of weird what was your mind doing during that practice try not anything and what are you trying to not think about anything or were you not thinking about anything I think that I would imagining like a background and that was a what do you mean by imagining a background space learn to like a view of a sunset just imagining backgrounds and thinking of nothing else okay yes I I think you know it's interesting because people often say like what she said they use sleep or dreaming to kind of describe it it's because this our conscious mind which we operate with most of the time being on actually turns off for a little while and that's why we call it sleep you weren't to sleep but it feels like you took a nap right there's some amount of rejuvenation but the most important thing is that it sounds like you stepped outside of your mind for at least a little while for moments here there and in my experience of this practice that first breath after the 20 exhalation is like very very soothing calming and kind of like outside of mind I kind of get enveloped or wrapped up in that breath does that make any sense or your experience could have been different everyone sort of experiences a different I think it was the birth after you told me to stop is the one where I felt the most cuz I think the last couple of breasts were it was like three seconds five seconds seven seconds I'm thinking about breathing in that amount of time mm-hm rather than just doing it naturally yeah because as I direct your mind it turns on and then when it becomes natural it can turn off and so I don't know that this is the right technique for you but I think that other kinds of techniques could be very difficult because I think your mind is gonna need lots of stimulation and is also going to need to be quite exhausted to be calm so I think if I were to sit there and ask you to observe your thoughts maybe that's gonna be difficult for you so kebab potty or bellows breath is good because it's like something that's kind of active does that make sense you have this period of intense activity which then exhausts you and lets you enter that state whereas if I tell you to go straight to that state your mind is gonna wander through the tired huh yeah unless I'm unless I'm tired you'd be surprised even if you're physically tired or mentally tired sometimes the mind wanders more at those times but you can try it when you're tired okay so kind of focus exhaustion or expending the energy of the the mind or emptying your gas tank so that you can sit in that emptiness is sometimes what works for people like you so give it a shot you can practice it I'd say three to five minutes starting three to five days a week if you want to be a try-hard League of Legends pro then you can you know grind it out five minutes a day for seven days a week I'll do it casually because I think that it's like one of those things where I guess so there's people are caffeine addicts I only drink one cup of coffee at most a day because I feel like I get the most out of it sure sure or people that are drinking alcohol they drink a lot that gring gain tolerance but the less tolerance you have the cheaper it is to get drunk sure you know I don't really think meditation works like that and in fact I mean I think I think the one thing that I really like is that it sounds like you're gonna make your own exploration for it which i think is exactly how you should do it okay any questions for me before we kind of wrap up for the day any last thoughts no I just want to thank you for having me that's been a very big eye-opener and I didn't feel like I could feel this way feel what way play my point of view changed what instead of looking at what's on the outside it really is more on the inside I've been looking for answers in the wrong places yeah and I think that's why so beautifully put dyrus because I think the basic reason that we don't move forward is because it's not because we suck right like and this is the really sad thing is that when we look for answers in the wrong places and we don't find them and we don't get better we start to think less about ourselves right we start to think of ourselves as incompetent and lazy and you know like but it's not it's not that you're lazy it's just that you haven't been taught right you don't know where to look and like it's not your fault that you're looking in the wrong place and it's not that you suck or anything like that it's just you know if I if I go fishing in a bathtub I'm never gonna catch any fish but like that's how we live our life as we go fishing in bathtubs every day and then we think that we're incompetent fishermen it's like it's just not how it works man yes I mean yeah not getting of all kinds of scenarios or you can catch a lot of stuff out of your bathtub but anyway but listen man I'm glad that this has been helpful for you I'm sorry I couldn't guide you a little bit more I mean I think it is a big step to recognize that it's on the inside and I really hope I'm happy to help you you know down the road or I really hope you can find someone to help you in that internal exploration and the crazy thing Dyer says I'm not even so sure that you're gonna need that much help because the last thing that I'd share with you is I think you and I think a surprising number of people on Twitch on I mean I think we're all actually very intelligent and very capable I think the idea that we even need someone's help comes from the fact that we've been fishing in a bathtub our entire life and not catching any fish mm-hmm and and all we need to do is point you in the right direction and your natural intelligence your natural tendency to like learn and grow and reflect and analyze and to put your minds to something and accomplish it all of those strengths are gonna support you in this way you they were just pointed in the wrong direction you know I think it's good that you're seeing a therapist because I think that'll facilitate things yeah I think like all of this stuff I've been thinking about for I guess the last three to four years but it's like oh maybe it's this or that but by you doing this it's really solidifies the fact that yeah I really shouldn't be fishing in a bathtub I really I really shouldn't be it's it really ties a bow on it like you said well I'm happy to hear that because I was afraid but yeah man so listen I wish you all the best of luck and you know keep us posted and if I can help you in some other way let me know and and you know if the meditation doesn't work out for you or something like that and you want a different technique just shoot me in DM or whatever and and good luck man thank you thank you so much I appreciate it alone all right take care of man I have a good one peace all right dyrus pong dyrus is great man oh man I hope I hope I really hope things work out for him Dyer's pod do I need to tell you guys that y'all should meditate along when I teach other people meditation or is that kind of like deal does that understood at this point you okay good understood I don't okay so like yeah I mean so in the future you know I just realized it I didn't tell you guys to go along with it but y'all should y'all should do it too I'll try to remember to say it okay so let's think a little bit about let's kind of try to recap so I think the key takeaways from from listening to dyrus I think is stuff that you know hopefully y'all caught as I was explaining it to him so that so I think we have to be really careful about how we solve problems and we have to be careful about you know the answers that we come up with if they don't really fit and we should be scientific because you know if you think that I think burnout is a great example in it like we asked about burnout and it says okay it was because I was like a pro-gamer fine and then it was a streamer fine and then I took three months off and it helped a little bit it's like wait what you know it it's kind of like if I say like yeah why are you why is your hair wet and it's like yeah because I'm in the shower and then someone else is like okay well why is your hair wet it's like I'm it's because I'm in the bathtub and then even when I go outside and it's a sunny day like I get rained on or something I had the analogy fell apart in my mind but my point is that like you know you should be critical about the notions that you have about where your problems come from and oftentimes we're we're thinking about that and he absolutely meant just that you know that's that's one one hell of an aborted fetus of an analogy let me tell you what it just didn't do it thanks for the donation dyrus and in Skull Kid so yeah sometimes sometimes thoughts come out is stillborn and I don't know how else to put it it's just sometimes dr. gay has brilliant realizations and sometimes he has just really frankenstone me and little homunculus five children and that's what we're here for right it's for the it's for the walls of oh man lyza age says dr. dr. k I wanted to donate to honor the memory of my friend who took his life four years ago yesterday I can't see the rest of it but you know work is incredible and I I hope well dude I'm sorry that your your friend took his life four years ago can I just talk about that for a second I'm gonna say something that I I've been thinking a lot about suicide recently and I have a patient who killed themselves about a year ago and I have another patient who I'm afraid is gonna kill themselves in the next year or two and it it's kind of rough right like when we think about suicide and we think about it's it's rough when people take their own life and you know the crazy part of me is like there's a there's a part of me and as especially as I think about the people that I work with it and we have this assumption that suicide is wrong and I don't think you guys should kill yourselves but I also feel like the more that I understand people who struggle it makes sense to me right if we if we're being really honest about it like some people suffer and the person that I'm worried about now has been suffering for years and they have tried so so hard to get better and they're they're trying and like every day for them is a struggle and it's not like every day is a struggle like every day is a struggle it's like every day is just torturous it's like they wake up every day and they're like in like they just it's like another day of torture and you know there are bright spots here and there they have some physical illness too which you know really doesn't help they have bright spots here and there we're trying to figure out you know how to help this person and when it's not really working like nothing's really working and and and we have to acknowledge that that feeling is real right like I think sometimes it's a little bit ignorant for us to assume that I mean I think I think it's just uncompassionate to say to everyone yeah you should absolutely live I think you should absolutely live but I think you should be honest with yourself because I do think that there's hope but I think that it's also important to acknowledge that like some people really do suffer and when I've worked with people who are suicidal the crazy thing is like it's not you know it's a game that they've been trying to play for years and years and years and then like eventually they just don't want to play it and that's not crazy right like I think this is one of the craziest things about suicide as we think about these people is mentally ill which sometimes they are but we kind of say it like when we say that that's crazy you're kind of invalidating like what they feel and what they think and one of the things that I've learned as a psychiatrist is that being suicidal is not crazy and and the really bizarre thing is that the more that I think about suicidal people is not crazy but completely sane that's when you can help them and that's where a actually comes from it's really bizarre it's not that hope like hope doesn't come from ignoring your situation and pretending that something else's can exist that's fantasy hope comes from starting where you are fantasy is all about your mind where you want to end up right I can look at the top of Mount Everest and I can fantasize about when I reach the top but it's not about where I am it's aware about I imagine I can go and when you tell a suicidal person took that everything's gonna be okay you know that's that doesn't feel real to them and what I really think that if you guys are struggling with suicidality you should absolutely see a professional and and get help with that because it's not fair for you to have to deal with that alone and I do think you can get to the top of Mount Everest but I think getting to the top of Mount Everest and being free from your suicidality and like being free from depression and loving and enjoying life starts with an acknowledgement that like you were filled with despair and you don't know where to go from here and that's tough but I know it sounds absolutely crazy but like I mean come on like if you want to be a good psychiatrist you have to meet your patients where they're at right you can't just pretend that their reality doesn't exist you have to say hey man like I get that you're suffering and I really do see it like honestly it's not crazy to me that you're thinking about killing yourself because I've been working with you for two years now and we've been trying so hard and I feel despair but I'm your treater like you're the one who's actually living it every day and I get that your despair is absolutely real and I don't know that even I have hope for you but you know what I want to keep trying and I want you to keep trying because I don't want you to give up but I don't blame you if you do because I do think that we're getting somewhere like we're making a little bit of progress and we have these high points and if you can have one good day in two years then you can have two good days in the next two years but let's be honest like if that's the way you feel that's the way that you feel and if we want to fix something that's broken let's start out by admitting how broken it is right that you need a new engine and you need new tires and you need new axles and you need new seatbelts and you need a new steering wheel like fine like I get that that feels impossible to you but if you are willing to give me a chance I'm gonna keep trying and I need your help to keep trying that's how I feel is that it's not it's not crazy right like the to call a suicidal person crazy is just not helpful these people aren't crazy they're suffering this is their reality and and this is what we need to understand like I think this is one of the biggest problems that has happened with our generation is we call people like especially men who kill themselves we say it's a mental health problem it's depression and that's like such a cop-out answer right like if someone is in so much despair that they don't see a way forward and they feel burdened with like responsibility and you know they feel like they can't do anything in life like that there's no way for it and they've been trying for so long and they've just they just can't they have no answers and they've been trying it for five years six years 10 years 12 years and then they kill themselves and like oh yeah that was illness no it's not illness like that person just needed a little bit of help needed a little bit of a bright point needed a little bit more support and we didn't give it to them it's not illness it's like oh yeah it's a chemical imbalance in your brain not my fault that's it's really dangerous what we've done to men especially because they committed suicide more than women and I see this a lot with men is that we said oh that's a neurochemical imbalance like it's not your fault man it's a neurochemical imbalance but you know what it's not my fault either because it's a neurochemical imbalance oh yeah it's a neurochemical imbalance it's no one's fault it's just you know it's like no one's fault and so when when no one's at fault no one needs to take responsibility and that's where I think we we've up basically as a society with this whole generation we've let all you guys down because what we've done is we've labeled you with illness you said oh yeah you're depressed it's a neurochemical imbalance boomers are like go see a psychiatrist and get an SSRI not my problem it's it's the biggest cop-out and I mean don't get me wrong like I have a psychiatrist and I believe in mental OSA I'm not saying mental Luce isn't real I'm not like I prescribe medications so I think you guys should all definitely go see psychiatrists and therapists and help with those things because we know those tools can help my point is that that's not the answer it's part of the answer and that there's a whole other part of it there's a whole other part about meaning and caring and like we just look at dyrus dyrus isn't burnt out because his coach made him play too much eSports he's not burnt out because of you guys he's burnt out because no one listened when they needed to he's burnt out cuz he's a he's been a top laner in his whole life like he says his parents are divorced what I want to know is like where was his mom when his dad threw a baseball into his face right like what happened like why didn't someone stick up for him when the teachers put him in anger management but just think about that for a second right kids come up to you and bully you and then you fight back and then they stick your ass in anger management where the is his lawyer abandonment it's not fair and it's not right and then the kid gets labeled with anger management problems it's an illness it's a neurochemical imbalance in your brain you have anger management problems you're just broken in here man it's not your fault but you're just broken and the normal kids are over here so learn how to manage your feelings we're gonna teach you some useful skills fine there's some useful skills I'm not saying an anger management is bad but I'm saying that like where we're doing something very very dangerous by protocol izing and pathologizing a lot of normal experience we're absolving ourselves a responsibility right I still remember I talked about this with Anita that you know it's kind of bizarre but I was working with a guy who's in jail and the reason he was in jail is because he started selling drugs at the age of 16 because his three older sisters said that what a man does is provide and you have to provide for your older sisters otherwise you're not a man so how the does a 16 year old provide for three adult women since drugs and then he gets suicidal only then I come in and I talked to him and like I talk for a while and I realized man this guy is so a pill is not gonna fix this this is not a neurochemical is there a neuro come chemical balance absolutely will medication help him but is it gonna fix it no this guy needs to understand that like you know he was not taught that adult like 16 year old boys should not be financially responsible for three adults and you think about this you go back to an Eden you just think about what she was taught she loves her mother and her mother sounds like she had very serious challenges and we're not gonna blame her for that and at the same time what was in either time what were we taught why are kids mean because they're taught to be me what were you guys taught how were you taught every time you you go fishing in the bathtub you're taught and then like society looks to your parents like why haven't you graduated yet like why did you fail out of college like why don't you have a job I haven't you moved out boomers are like these kids nowadays like they're not buying rings and they're not buying houses and they don't know how to work like what what birth man why do you think that is where do you think we learned how to be lazy oh yeah we learned it from the boomer generation because they had everything handed to them this bizarre do you think maybe maybe instead of us being an entire generation it's an entire generation right you think like maybe an entire generation just learned the same lesson which is completely the opposite of what the generation before us learned it's just like we went 180 no generations kids learn what their parents teach them oh it's it's not like we all grow up in America speaking English an entire generation grows up speaking Swahili that's not how it works we speak English because you guys speak English we were taught our values because you guys taught it to us and the world is a different place and that formula doesn't work anymore but no oh it's mental illness Oh mental illness yeah just absolve yourselves of all responsibility mental illness so yeah I mean I don't mean once again don't get me wrong mental and this is real I think we should treat it seriously I think if you guys are feeling suicidal you should get help but also cut yourself a break because you're not broken in here the reason that you feel that way is completely legitimate and if you've been struggling for a while those struggles are real and if you feel like you're in despair that's not your fault it's our fault because life is a multiplayer game boys and girls it's a multiplayer game twitch is a multiplayer platform it's all multiplayer so how can you blame yourself like sure do you should you do more absolutely but it's a multiplayer game so get get the help that you need and more importantly help out the person that needs it right ask the question that like people aren't willing to ask if you ask them when how are you doing today look actually look them in the eye be like how are you actually doing today let that question mean something an AoE healing is not about like me you know spraying AoE on all of you guys I mean it is but like what a Oh a healing is really about I think if you really look at it deeply it's about like you guys becoming hewers to I mean all you have to do become a healer is like fix yourself and then it'll come naturally like just fix yourselves I mean just fix yourself something just fix yourself millennial boomers fix yourself just know well I'm saying like all you have to do is fix yourself focus on yourself let you be your Karma let you be your focus you can come first stop putting other people first right I'm talking to Anita you can come first sometimes like sometimes like 10% of the time you could come first you can come first and you should you should come first right cuz like you're a entitled millennial Jenn's e tick tock YouTube twitch person you're a special snowflake like it's so weird like we we I mean I'm all for special snowflakes and that people can be narcissistic but at the same time like so just think about this for a second we're essentially like telling a generation of people that they should grow the up no like take yourself seriously like accept responsibility for what you do right and accept responsibility for what you do wrong and don't take responsibility for what other people do wrong just because someone calls you a special snowflake doesn't mean that you're doing something wrong like should you be narcissistic absolutely not should you focus on yourself absolutely should you give yourself that the credit that you're worth absolutely anyway all right so thank you guys very much and yeah so may is mental health awareness month and we're doing a big push I saw low DPM gave us a bunch of gifted subs man low DPM has been supporting our streams since its inception in October and a huge thank you to you know man or woman or anything in between that you are we really appreciate the support so here's the thing we're training coaches because we want to spread this message for each and every one of you who's out there if you need to talk to someone like me we're gonna try to train someone right so they're not like level 60 healers they're like level 20 30 40 healers depending on which one they're pretty good they can they can raid with you guys you know cuz you guys aren't route level ready for levels and game content anyway y'all are twelve five and ten and twenty so so this is what our coaching program is about and that's why we're raising money is insane that in seven days we were eight to raise $10,000 I didn't know if we were gonna even raise like I didn't know I mean we've never made this much money on screen before like nowhere close to this and it's it's amazing it's amazing and we want to fix this right so like some time ago doctor case showed up on Twitch and he started streaming and then people reached out for help and they were like and then I felt bad because I had to turn not just turn people away I couldn't even answer my emails and so I was talking to a friend of mine and and she was like yeah like there's really she said oh like either you duplicate yourself or there's nothing you can do and she meant like you can't duplicate yourself because that's physically impossible and so you shouldn't feel bad about it because you're just one person she's trying to be supportive and then I was like you know what you're right either I duplicate myself or there's nothing I can do in which case everyone gets let down the world continues people continue to be suicidal and despaired and and then nothing I can do I did the best that I could I did a good job I helped people every day for 40 hours a week 50 hours a week 60 hours a week that's enough and it should be right I should be content with that but I'm not I'm not because I I mean when I was failing out of college and all that and you know full of despair and I realize that's probably sort of an insult like it wasn't a thing back then but I was a nerd that's what we called it and then nerds became cool and Game of Thrones became mainstream in gaming became mainstream and then the thing that I was has become an insult um which is an interesting and you know anthropological kind of analysis but and and so like you know cuz there are people out there like me like you guys are like me like we're the same that's why this works right this works because like I am you and you or me and that's that's why I have hope because we're no different and so I was like you know what you're right I'm gonna I'm gonna duplicate myself and people like oh that's the same like you're so brilliant it's like no guys I don't think you guys understand I'm actually not that brilliant and you guys get if I'm you you or me that means we can duplicate this we can clone this right it's no longer like an MMO it's an RTS and we're gonna build a couple of like barracks and we're gonna start churning out priests because I'm not a hero I'm just a regular unit like we're gonna take an RTS strategy it's not like a single-player game like it's not like Zelda or your link running around and you're like one of a kind it's like Warcraft 3 and we're just gonna churn out you know infantry and we're gonna do it cuz I think that's good enough cuz I think y'all are amazing and I have faith in y'all it's crazy I know oh my god twitch chat is so toxic oh my god like people gamers are so toxic new school shooters this that no I don't I don't buy it thugs ugh absolutely zigzag absolutely so that's what our coaching program is that's why we're raising money because we also understand that a lot of y'all are broke but we also apparently on that a lot of you guys are not and that's pretty awesome that y'all are willing to help and so we're gonna try to make things as affordable as possible and we're gonna make try to make things as fast as possible and as good as possible and so we're doing a bunch of Harvard's Andy stuff behind the scenes in terms of research study design and research and outcome measures and quality assurance and all that kind of because at the end of the day like how do you determine whether a coach can actually help someone like how do you measure that how do you measure whether someone can actually be helped so a lot of this is gonna fund you know kind of like our quality metrics and research design and stuff like that and we've had I've asked for a couple of people's help and thankfully I just tweeted it out and a couple people from our community of volunteered to help us and that's been actually fantastic and at some point we may get like NIH grants and like that but yeah so that's what we're doing and I'm just grateful for your help because here's the thing I can't do it right like cuz this is the thing you guys got to remember if I'm peon then I can't save you so what I need is a bunch of other peons and we can do it together like when you if you guys have played war 3 or if you guys have played in RTS right you've got a little stuck about Starcraft 2 it's like if you've got like one SCV like one SCV can't do we need a bunch of SCV's and if we've got a bunch of SCV's then we can do a lot of stuff and that's what healthy gamer is about is it if I'm an SCV you're an SUV and you can do it too that's what we're about and so thank you for your help everyone who's been I saw someone else gifted a bunch of subs so thank you for all of the monies and yeah so let's figure out okay so this Friday we have polka mein and I'm still confused about so we're gonna do drunk I guess drinking a ma with dr. kay so I'm just gonna stream for a while and we're gonna shoot the you guys can post questions on reddit and yeah so here's the link for the reddit if you guys have so a couple of kind of outgoing things okay so if you guys want you can post your questions there and we're just gonna up vote down vote right so that you guys can you know we'll see when we'll answer those questions and then there's gonna be drinking involved because we hit that stretch goal because stupid us we you know I was like oh yeah like we can do like drinking MA like no one's gonna we're not gonna raise $4,000 so some like that and I think we've also hit the benchmark for learning to play League of Legends and then we're gonna talk to polka mean and I'm still confused about you know I think it depends on what she wants to do about whether I'm inebriated or not because I feel like that's kind of a dick thing to do right to be drinking while I'm talking to someone I feel like it's not fair to them but anyway whatever she wants to do and thank you very much to her for offering to come on and support us and yeah so yeah so that's gonna be Friday and we're excited and I think hopefully we've got some more stuff coming up so Friday will be a long stream it'll be a little bit more chill we may hop on discord for a while and talk although I've been burned by that too a chat for those of you who have seen the thing that was were there for what has been scrubbed from the internet when like 7,000 people swarm into discord and someone realizes that they can be a troll and and I mean I don't I can't really blame you for that because I was laughing on the inside but please don't do it again can we be clear about that like don't do that again and also I can appreciate you for who you are man I don't I blame you for it but I also forgive you for it and please don't do it again yeah that's life so thank you guys very much I'm gonna go ahead and sign off today because I've got an appointment in about 20 minutes and love you guys you know we've got a lot of good stuff coming I'm gonna take next week I'm gonna stream and stuff but I'm not having any of my clinical appointments and stuff and I'm gonna focus on building stuff for y'all because people have asked me for things so I'm gonna just take a week off where I'm gonna like write and work on my books and maybe make webinars and all that kind of stuff we've got webinars and stuff planned the other thing is that you guys can pop on our discord if you guys want a goal added to this you guys should let me know what that is so you guys can post suggestions and if we're cool with that you know we'll do it we can add those kinds of stretch goals and I think we hit our 9000 which is a stream on lying which will probably be like a bonus stream well I'll talk to you guys about why people lie why we lie why we lie to ourselves how to detect lying and someone else I can't it's not like a machine that doesn't work like that but to understand what goes on in someone's mind when they lie and why they lie and so that for you to be able to you know see if you can see that going on in their mind then you can sort of deduce that they could be lying or maybe lying or probably our line so we'll we'll we'll talk about that so other thoughts you know a little stuff that's a little bit off script is like I was thinking about doing something about sociopathy because a lot of people asked about that or other topics that you guys want me to just kind of talk about we can do that so thank you guys very much and best of luck and stay safe and if you guys are really struggling with something like suicidal suicidality please get help because you deserve it and give us time that's the other thing so what I ask my patients for is time so if you want to kill yourself I'm not gonna disagree that that seems like a good idea to you but give me time let me try to help you and give yourselves time give yourselves time to heal give yourselves time give yourself like time for someone to walk into the bathroom and say hey man there's no fish in the bathtub maybe you should come out to the lake and give yourself time for like things to change and cut yourself some slack and it's not that it's not that you aren't successful it's not that your feelings aren't real it's just that like that's not you being a failure that's us letting you down so give us a chance to help you and and sign up for some kind of mental health treatment and give yourself a chance to get better and so suicide sucks so take care guys I'll see you guys on Friday and okay so Fri that's gonna be more festive how about that I feel like this is kind of a downer but you know these feelings are real and that's okay so let's let's do less Downers so thank you see Eskow same time so we're gonna start it at noon central and then we'll run until I pass out or my kids can't take it anymore and I saw that other people have been gifting subs so well I'm gonna do special shoutouts to people at the beginning of stream and oh I was about to okay Louie to rate okay drinking a after the polka mainstream okay great raid raid who raid no no we're gonna raid we're gonna write

Channel: HealthyGamerGG

Views: 237,048

Keywords: mental health, drk, dr kanojia, healthygamergg, healthy gamer gg, twitch, psychiatrist, dyrus, dyrus burnout, burnout, dealing with burnout, burnout league of legends, league of legends, dyrus tsm

Id: nRZCIWEolXg

Length: 136min 51sec (8211 seconds)

Published: Thu May 07 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/hopeful112]

Dr K is the man and Dyrus is too