Dave Chappelle - For What It's Worth part 1/4

why you picked San Francisco to shoot your special this is one of the best towns that ever do comedy and this is the most historic venue got as far as comedians of the circle because Lenny Bruce ripped it down how all the best came through the bay what about Richard what about the around Williams Harland Mooney you don't let say I have to be the biggest star as long as you come with it and people coming out they like to see live performances because it's a Savio oh [ __ ] thank you all thank you for coming dad damn I did it big this year from cable [ __ ] goddamn thanks for coming out and thanks for making the [ __ ] feel comfortable in the gayest place on earth you guys got Disneyworld jealous out this [ __ ] man I really think was that gay first what does everybody cuz I was coming out here I was like man that place is really good so with the floods there by two months not so gay and then I I wanted into that Castro god Eames I said this is America's anus right here this [ __ ] is beep went to that tenderloin is nothing tend to about that [ __ ] dollars that [ __ ] was rough the opposite of tender I have never seen crack smoke so casually before these [ __ ] was sitting in front of Starbucks smoking crack and during a concert this is all the look talking about politics I seen one crackhead trying to break into somebody's car man and it struck a chord with me I tried to stop I said hey and he looked back and somebody said oh keep an eye out me that was me that said that I trying to help you I want this [ __ ] to stop crackheads are like that I had a crackhead break my car window one time broke it you know he stole [ __ ] candy bar I had lanolin steak that's all he took two goddamn candy bar I was so mad I drove around the neighborhood five hours looking for crack me up with chocolate on his face I did that I finally found when I grabbed it [ __ ] hey man what's all this chocolate on your face oh [ __ ] people confuse chocolate this is doodoo baby oh man place is insane but you know what I like about saying friend the reason I picked this city to do my specials because of all the major cities in America somehow people get along here better than anywhere else I've seen in the country that's right and I always admired saying friends for that and today I've realized how you did it put all the [ __ ] on the other side of that bridge there's nothing she ain't happy on that side do you believe in Santa sister like boy thanks for coming to San Francisco come back in April we're having a sale on Birkenstocks soon as you get to the other side when outgoing [ __ ] it's [ __ ] crazy but it also feel like it's the East Coast city in the West Coast you guys got subways and [ __ ] I'm scared of public transportation I was on a bus that was held hostage 45 minutes it wasn't like threatened I don't wanna give you that impression it was a dude jerking off but the [ __ ] was scary son it was scary right before it happened I was on the bus smoking cigarette so long story that's not the coolest [ __ ] I ever did and people freaked out sir sir put that goddamn cigarette out okay this is everybody's air sir I flicked it I don't want any trouble just at that moment coincidentally this homeless dude I don't know where pulls dick out started beating off and I was furious cuz nobody said [ __ ] to this guy they were just looking like I was the only one on the bus that had the balls to say anything - that's not even like I was brain really it was that you know I was sitting next to the [ __ ] I had to say something come on dog you hit my elbows son stop it's all I said I was I don't want to say too much guys beating off on the bus means it's something wrong with this [ __ ] him he's not wrapped so tight I didn't want to push him over the edge soon as I said something all these dummies on the bus now they're brave he's right put your goddamn [ __ ] away I don't want to see this anymore I don't want to see it either yeah now that that flips out all right everybody back up I tried to be nice about this melee everybody freaks out I'm caught in the middle I can't lose my cool I said hey everybody just calm the [ __ ] down and you'll get me shot it's all just be cool let's do what this man says so he'll leave us alone now everybody gets quiet that's better that is and then he's not walking up in their house who's terrorizing us and then he's thought for making demands you on the print shirt squeeze your tits together no you stick your finger in your butt why oh god why is this happening he was working my way [ __ ] was tight just that minute I got saved dude I was so lucky this guy had the other than the bus he snapped he lost his mind I see it happen screen down Roma come on all of us in charge it up and there's like the movie that's homeless dudes seen him coming shot 105 ID dogs a [ __ ] like the matrix the GABA hammy wasn't so lucky oh no and she was gross it didn't kill him but it was I'm sure that [ __ ] his day up not gonna happen on the day of the homeless dude busting on her forehead and 8:30 in the morning that's a wrap on the rest of the day this guy was freaking out it burns Bob everyone standing around looking even homeless dude fell babe I guess he was finished he came back to the senses this is my stop I said relax your [ __ ] head and say somes right huh okay but go do it I said you can't get aids from the hose dude busting a nut on your forehead that's not how it spreads I don't even know [ __ ] it's true that's just what I told him that is he was something scared I had to say something oh it comes from what the [ __ ] knows scientists don't even know Santa's still say AIDS started cuz somebody had sex with a monkey were after all this research is the best explanation that you came up with mother nobody [ __ ] monkeys and people you idiot you see the [ __ ] monkeys or your [ __ ] people that's it there's no in-between we're not gonna get some monkey [ __ ] on Tuesday and then be like I'm gonna call Charlene on Thursday once he [ __ ] monkey that's a firm decision I'm out of the human [ __ ] game for good it's ridiculous he act like monkeys just as open is waiting for people to [ __ ] on man don't wanna be [ __ ] by people think about it think how hard it would be to catch a monkey and [ __ ] it that's ridiculous that's how it had to go that do you think you're just gonna walk up to him in the woods and bribe this [ __ ] with fruits and bananas hey buddy there you go buddy yeah yeah here you go your big bright red ass it's big bright red booty you know how strong a monkey is but rip your dick off like the celery stalk let's star throw that [ __ ] the tall grass will never be seen again hey doll we're gonna go to the club pick up some girls you're trying to roll nah man I'm cool I'm gonna stay home though chill with my monkey you know how long it took me to train this monkey suck my dick without peeling it last night Chim Chim jerked me off with his feet like only a monkey can show you that kind of love and tenderness so y'all keep [ __ ] these people if you won't make it slow [ __ ] [ __ ] for me hook it up with an orangutan next week that's all that focus chimps and orangutans know I feel real bad fools is Indians everybody feels bad for Indians they get dog they get dogged openly cuz everybody thinks they're dead these [ __ ] are not all dead alright I've seen with my own eyes I've seen a gathering of 1500 Native Americans they were all gathered in one place the place is called Walmart New Mexico conveniens I've never seen Indians before I wasn't even sure if they were Indians it's [ __ ] up but I asked one of them it's not nice but I seen him in the sports section looking at bows and arrows I had to say something stuff excuse me I don't mean to be rude are you Indian and it was cool yes yeah Simon did still didn't believe them I had to test them to be sure this is [ __ ] up but I had a gum wrapper in my pocket so I balled that [ __ ] up and I threw it on the floor and a single tear came out his ass oh [ __ ] I have so many questions what's your are you from I am a Navajo as it were I studied you in social studies you're a hunter-gatherer correct is that I guess so that's what you wish to call it he said why what are you calling is that I am an alcoholic I say well what's your name dog he said please dog is my cousin that's a good guess my name is Brennan coyote what is your name friend and that she called me Oh God I'm not even saying my name was Dave to a [ __ ] named Brent and coyote just don't feel good enough he's putting me on the spot I said huh my name but Oh my name is Blackfeet

Channel: Admiral Schafkopf

Views: 2,936,837

Rating: 4.7884903 out of 5

Keywords: Dave, Chappelle, For, What, It's, Worth, Rick, James, bitch, homeless, dude, jerking, off, yellow, shirt, grey, jacket, thats, doo, baby

Id: CkiuPleOdiI

Length: 14min 45sec (885 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 02 2011