Dating Tips for Single Moms

hey Tony Gaskins here hey wanting to answer this question today dating as a single mom I keep seeing this question over and over I don't know what the fear or whatever is going on out here what got y'all asking this so much is you know it's a little different well it might be a lot different than dating without children but it you know it's certain words and stuff that you can't say on here on YouTube so I be dancing around in this video so try to understand that also you got to get out your feelings on this video okay y'all and ask this heal question i'ma give you a male perspective of what the consensus is what men are saying what men bringing to me what I'm seeing experiencing out here as a relationship coach so you got to get out your feelings the other thing what you got to be ready for real about is I'm strip and I'm cautious when it comes to this type of stuff so the insight that I'm sharing with you is based on over a decade of experiences as a relationship coach and dealing with the the remnants of this you know or the repercussions of this so I want you to understand that and this what you got to realize okay is you have freedom of choice but you don't have freedom of consequence so what you have to realize is that when you have gambled on love and you have light down with a man and you've reproduced life there are repercussions to that and some things you can't get around some things you can't get away from and you got to be okay with that this is your life your children are lessons and blessings and you got to be okay with that you got to understand that so now some of y'all I did a video yesterday I'm totally different topic and some of y'all say you couldn't finish it on videos it should have like three dots on there type top right hand corner or bottom right that you can click and it'll say submit feedback and you may have to just submit feedback to YouTube you may have to close your app reopen it sometimes when they stop it happens to me too when I'm watching videos it's just a youtube thing you gotta realize it's a whole lot of data being processed that's all it is just data being processed and sometimes just don't buffer all the way through but some people said Tony it's not playing it's not playing and some people got all the way to the end sometimes you got a fast for a part a pass a little part so understand that now first and foremost dating as a single mom number one you cannot you cannot hide your children so what I mean by that some women say Tony winch said I tell a man when should I tell a man that I have children on the first date on the first date you cannot hide that that is your life that's your responsibilities don't be ashamed of that this is a they come with the package so a man need to understand that and know that on the first day don't try to gain them and try to make them fall in love and all of that that's something different it's other stuff in your life that you may not want to tell until later but you haven't children is not one of those things the next thing is and I'm gonna help y'all understand this now number two let me write down some of these numbers so I know where I'm at so I know what numbers gonna say number two is you should not be dating inside of two years of giving birth you should not be dating inside of two years and I'll be up then that's just that's absolutely no know on side two year you should not be dating at all give it up give it up give it up if you're not ready start it stop and to be honest with you I notice on sound right but you need to wait until five years you need to wait on to that fifth birthday before you start dating and when I say dating really what I mean by dating is before you introduce or bring a man around your son or daughter it need to be five years they need to have that birthday and the reason why I say that is because they need your son or daughter needs to be able to articulate anything they see anything that happens to them anything that goes on they need to be able to articulate that to you and they may say the only words but you need to be able to hear that and you got to take everything seriously ain't nothing a mistake ain't nothing to accident I Nicole so men and women who they were violated at a young age and they told their mom and the mom didn't believe them their mom didn't believe them their mom thought they'd miss her something month because the mom was worrying about them don't worry about you that's the one thing that bothered me the most that thing bothered me so much when y'all women take out here and go and and lie down with a man bring life into the world and then you so ready to go get you another man because the last didn't work out and you worried about your heart you worried about you being lonely you worried about your image your life you haven't companionship you having somebody to go on vacation with and you're not thinking about your responsibility that you brought in the world against their will was not their choice so that is your number one responsibility and you got to focus on your son's a daughter healthy lifestyle well-being and that's what you need to understand first and foremost now number three let me write that three down number three you need to make sure that you are 100% a mom so before you worry about dating do this for do me this favor today look at you look at your child fingernails and toenails mm-hmm look at the fingernails and toenails are they clipped and clean do they get a bath every day do you brush their teeth in the morning and at night do you wash their hair and do their hair on a regular basis let me help you understand something you know I saw this for my and I was like wow what are some serious treatment here my son they get up in the morning gotta wash their face brush their teeth she brushed their teeth she brushed their teeth for them all the way up until eight nine ten to where you know that they that they can do it and even when my oldest got that age he had to come stick his tongue out and show her crystal club pink tongue you hit me every few days fingernails toenails clipped and clean at night bath brush your teeth you got to show your tongue for the oldest for the youngest she still brushing it with him he's fire still brushing with him after the shower day lotion two types of lotion from head to toe got a lotion that go on the face got a lotion go over the whole body settle feel one of them another night time baby Johnson lotion for from my oldest guy allergy so he aquaphor settle feel lotion head-to-toe yummy then diffuser in the room got a diffuser got the lavender going got the nightlight for the younger that need a nightlight it sitting there like a little spa got the noise maker you know the noise maker in this stuff a nice pencil twenty dollars got the noise making that you turn on and you select the sound one could sound like rain one can sound like it's called white noise one like a breeze turn that on so it got that going then you got the diffuse argon got the lavender gone you hear me let me explain to you motherhood now before all of that homework done all the homework if this take an hour if it take two hours if it take three hours all that's done okay you said what tone I work full-time job my wife run 11 companies she run 11 companies okay she had to deal with high-level and and got to be dealing with a hundred emails a day customer service people you know asking all these random questions she dealing with all of that okay for my whole brand my whole brand and all our companies so she working to guess what get up in the morning a cook breakfast every morning my oldest he had one onion bagel with butter on it and turkey bacon my youngest he had turkey bacon with eggs or he'll have turkey bacon with toast every morning it's a hot cook breakfast bacon eggs toast bagel every morning and this lady came in to my wife when my oldest was young lady came to my wife and I'm painting this to you that this what you need to get in your spirit before you even think about date you need to be a pristine eight plus mom before you even think about date your child finding the other toenails and clip you don't need to be worrying about a boyfriend they told nails fingernails ain't clean you don't need to be worrying about then getting a hot breakfast in the morning you don't need a boyfriend you mean you ain't doing homework with them they having done or a brush to comb the planet or braided and clean you don't need to think about a boyfriend they closing earn my wife every night she ironing clothes she I need clothes they go to school shirt tuck their clothes are pristine you mean and this and she see other moms that don't have to do half of what she got to do in a kid Ranko sneaking dirty toenail dirty feet stanking everything so it's different levels to this motherhood so this way you need to understand before you worry about bringing a man in your life you need to be a plus and when a man come in you'll need to drop the B plus no you got to stay a plus and he got to know where he fit in he got to get in where he fit in you mean I let it came to my my wife and she said to my wife she said you are amazing mom why huh Wow thank you what makes you say that and she said well we did the photo shoot with the with the kids and when we did the photo shoot and we took your son's shoes off because they did a little specialty photo shoot we had my overalls are on no shirt up under it no no socks and shoes on with a little hat like a little huckleberry fan and when we took his shoes off his toenails were clipped they were clean his feet had no smell and she said that is the one way we can tell if it's a good mother buy their child's feet and their hands and to see that it was just so and you know what she probably went in thinking that my son go to private school so he probably at that time could have been the only one of color she probably went in with some stereotypes and on mine and she probably saw some some people that looked like her her same race and took off them shoes and them baby feet but knocked out because we didn't experience the Wiener scene now so understand this so that right there you need to be a eight-plus mother and see a lot of y'all ain't asking that one of my mother who need to be at before I get a boyfriend oh you worried about that and you know why cuz I have seen it I've seen with my own family members that was neglect yours would neglect your responsibilities trying to get a man with all your responsibilities on other people on your mom Monty whoever so you can have you a date no you weren't about the wrong thing you weren't about the wrong thing so now understand this the next thing what you have to understand is that some men do not want a woman with children and the reason why and you can't get mad about that you can't get mad about that cuz it's a lot of women that come to me that do not want a man with children so people without children might not want somebody without wit children so you have to understand it and be okay with that so that means it's gonna take some people out of the dating pool that's totally fine because you shouldn't want somebody that don't want you now the other part of this is what you have to realize here is that when you go on a date and in the first three days so at any point that man tells you I never want to I never want to date a woman who have children see ya ultimately are hasta LaVista I still await go vamanos you hear me yeah check please got to go got to go track shoes because you don't need to be the one that's gonna try to win him over and try to convince him because guess what when you not there and he didn't want children guests yo-yo baby getting pumped in the head they're getting [ __ ] in the head getting slapped in the back of the head getting punch all of that oh yes all of that watch the news watch the news turn the news on get your Netflix if you don't have that fit getting that fit for one month getting that flip for one month and watch this Gabriel Fernandez trials watch that watch that if you are seeing a mama watch that with the woman and her boyfriend I his mama Longworth not neither but still it go to show you what's out here a regular everyday man no no criminal record no none of that full-time job working all of that and what he did to that boy man looking on that thing had me five hot but this is real this is real y'all so worried about getting laid down and have you some love and companionship that you'll end up putting your children at risk and you can't do that you cannot do that so understand it's not your job to convince a man that it's okay to be with a single mom and you can't believe all this on here but you know man trying to talk about the blessings and how amazing it is to be able to sing a mom and all that no you can't sell that to somebody that don't any what they want alright the next thing is is that the next thing number four number four now I'm just making these numbers up as I go numb for years you should not introduce a man to your children inside of 12 months you need to fully vet him you need to see him on every scope of the human experience you need to see him happy sad mad angry depressed stress elated worry bother you need to see him in every element and evaluate his emotional intelligence before you bring him around your children one lady said oh she could introduce him as a friend no you can't no you can just cuz you out here lose the booty introducing men to your children don't make it right because these men out here nasty they nasty they rule and they irresponsible on average so you got to make sure the man you dealing with is above average that he's not an average man because you cannot trust an average man around yours listen to what I'm telling you this real out here because guess what any man who listen is he not gonna tell you that I'm telling the truth he's not gonna tell you that I'm telling the truth but what I'm telling you is its biological fathers who absolutely terrible it's biological and that's the thing that's why if you were single mother that's why you even ask him about dating because the biological didn't even work out so if the biological didn't work out then the chances of a new non-biological boyfriend working out is even more slim now yes there are cases where the stepdad come in and he's amazing you're gonna meet some adults who had a stepdad and they say he was amazing never touch me never trying to hurt me never did anything none of that he was amazing my wife had a step daddy oh yeah my wife had a step daddy and she loved him to this day say it was amazing I don't know what his motivation was you know but say it was amazing and so that's gonna be some people story up at the same time people don't have other stories I helped a woman with her book from the age of 2 to 17 club mom a boyfriend [Music] yeah did that done to her from the age of 2 to 17 absolutely appalling she wrote a book about it and you might need to go read a book if you're a single mom I'll read this book so you can see some like the real life story it's called the truth behind the Dare buy with the lady named DeSean by DeSean Hardy I can't remember last name no it's called truth behind it there you me and you need to watch that Gabriel Fernandez trials on Netflix before you worry about dating because you got to know what you up against in this here world you got to see what's out here okay and listen to me you have to take this time there's 12 months so you said well when should I introduce when he's ready to get married when he get engaged to you and he's gonna say well I need to meet him I need to see if we get along I need to see if they like me know it's gonna work I know it's gonna work out if you a good person it's gonna work out what you worried about that [ __ ] what you worried about that for if you see me out here functioning as a mother and I and I ain't putting my hat then I'll let you know I got mines I'm raising my will they ain't crazy then Dennison minutes then real rats they're not gonna be slicing your ties and and in putting buckets of water above the door when you open the door all the water come on your head and then gonna be egging you were with uncooked hard it's no you're not going through all of that I didn't took care of mine on my eighth plus I'm a B+ mom this way you got to understand cuz see someone wanna meet someone want to meet cut they nasty okay so you got to be ready and beware of that now and this what y'all don't see one thing women don't understand about the male mind and by the mental experience if you have a daughter sometimes a man will be with you because of your daughter just to be round huh tell us the let us sit on his lap to make Lord huh my mm-hmm mm-hmm yeah yeah let's say oh man 33 let's say your daughter 13 guess what daddy no different than y'all dirty old dealing with a 53:53 old man you see I'm telling you what you think that comes from if you fit three and you want to thirty when you 33 you want you 13 you mean y'all don't wanna hear that though because you don't understand the minute the mind of a man you don't understand how nasty a lot of you Joker's is you hear me a large percentage so you got to be careful because he mean we know we know if you a man who you didn't find some normalcy in your life and you can carry yourself as a normal decent human being you know plenty of men that's absolutely nasty that slap crazy but got regular job schoolteacher police officer firefighter principal pastor you know so many men that if the truth about what men doing I mean thinking how many move was plastered on a billboard I put on television women would have non-stop vomiting you would just be walking around vomiting if you really got to see behind the scenes or the life of a lot of these hell man if you really got to walk through the mind that's why I can alway always be real with y'all because the stuff so crazy the truth is stranger than fiction the truth is stranger than fiction and that's why I so men and women be fighting and be like no that is not true Tony I know my stepdad and I know my dad I know my brother you do not know what you're talking about listen you gotta be extra careful extra cautious especially when it comes to your responsibilities so who you then brought into the world if you want to be carefree and careless with your own self okay that's your choice but when you have responsibilities that you don't brought into the world you got to be on guard so not inside of 12 months and then guess what now after that 12 months when y'all need to be engaged y'all need to be engaged when he say when he'd get on one knee and you let him know listen one thing I don't play about is my eyes I don't play about that I don't and I have to truly truly know you I got to truly know you you might you could record a conversation on your counter file showing a personality and let them watch that if you feel like you need to but they don't need to know he even exists because guess what one later said oh she can't do some another friend 9 yo cheering the met foe friends in a year and then when they hit 13 14 15 and they learn what a friend is and learn you was on your bike or even if you weren't on your bike they assume it now they looking at they not even looking at you like my mama loose booty oh my goodness Lord what you gave me for a mama now they looking at you crazy because they like hmm I already friends out of met I've been meaningful friends a year since the age of five I'm 15 not emit 50 Fred oh you see what I'm saying you only need to run that number up innate mind they need to be grown and be able to say why my man introduced me to know me she's single to this day and I ain't met a boyfriend or she married but I met him and you know what my wife told me and she's mad about it at all she met herself at it when they got mad when her mama got mad when her mom was getting married that's when she met her stepdad she said she just came home one day and said she she getting madder and I like whoa okay all right well thank you but the mama did the vetting cuz you don't you don't know and now when your child getting to meet him that's when y'all engage when you engage you need to take 12 months don't get married in one month two months six months you need 12 months of engagement and Bob is like betrothed or how it is pronounced betrothed or something like that you need 12 months of engagement so you could watch her and that's when he could meet him and when he meet him getting about a month then you get their assessment oh I love Johnny I love Johnny where's Johnny at mommy where Johnny coming over here okay now you got your son not your own son okay might be okay and that's only okay if he treating you a hundred percent pristine if he even showed you some signs of some crazy then and Jesse ain't showed them you got to run you got to run cuz when he gets settling he get comfortable the Krays gonna be unleashed on everybody in the household so you got to get gone you hear me you got to get gone if he didn't showed you some red flag but even though he ain't showed them not if they pick up on it if they pick up on it and they say mommy why don't you talk to him mommy why are you with him mommy why is that your friend or if they older and they said mom what are you doing with this guy what's going on why are you doing this when you hear that you need to slap yourself with some wet baby powder I mean yes yes oh oh until you get it until you wake up and smell the coffee and then you got to get gone because their intuition could be stronger than yours so you got to get gone if he don't sit right with their spirit is counsel I don't care how you feeling I don't care how you feeling I don't care how good it feel how good he make you feel cuz he proudly show them something that he showed you your daughter might see a twinkle in his eye and it might get her to chill she might get the goose bone and feeling like a little Oh what did man looking at me like that man looking at oh why do you hug me like that oh why are you having me signal his now you say I'm saying you an email you would use I back at the grill you got back in the grill she was in the house with him she seen some Ewing in season mom I don't know about Johnny so won't you hear that what you don't know about him I just don't know I don't know how to say what I'm trying to say but I don't think that's good for you okay thank you thank you oh yeah it's saying it ain't gonna work and see that's that's what you can't do that's what you ain't got in you because you thinking about you you weren't about your back getting broke you weren't about your companionship and so you are active I don't know what they talking about that's just chill magic no listen to that from the mouths of babes they up there how something that you don't even see and you got to listen cuz guess what that's who you responsible for not just wrong must be thinking man you're responsible for them that's your first priority I'm gone see you I can't even plain it either but talk to you later and guess what if they want to keep you single and you saying well they just want to keep me single mom I gotta have a life too they don't want they don't want me to be with nobody okay good then stay single because you had them stay single get him 150 percent of you get them all of you in and then when they 18 and they go not it's about you because they can fend for itself but listen that is a consequence of your choices you chose to lie down and reproduce that's what come with it so if that means you got to be 100% mommy and you can't be mommy and wife or Mommy and girlfriend and be mommy because that's what matters most that's what matters most but guess what 9 out of 10 times they want to see their mom happy 9 out of 10 time they want to see their mom happy because it and and that's sad that they won't see you happy because you're walking around moping and complaining and you snapping on them and going off on them cuz you ain't got no love you're wrong for that you wrong for that and then rather you have some love and neglect them then for you to be snapping on them and going off and not giving them your attention because you so cuz you so focused on bumbling tender and and meeting in the DMS on the Instagram come online you got to get yourself together you worried about a man and your child fingernails dirty you worried about a man and your child on brush their teeth in the morning and night now you got all that situated and your child getting a hot breakfast brushing 82 times a day lotion and a body in the morning and at night and they closes urn and they clean and they smelling good my songs even well a little spray on get him look Cologne on little body mists organic you hear me clean nails clean face clean teeth my son go to the dentist he got braces my older son get it on a second round of bracelets go to the dentist my wife be telling didn't say wow his teeth are clean absolutely cuz we got that Sonicare and morning and night come out here show me that Tom Tom pink you hit me and going on looking like you've been playing with white paint eating white jawbreakers no Tom ping breath smelling good body smelling good deodorant on make sure your responsibilities is there first then when you have mastered that and you got a system in this song auto play it's on repeat that system if y'all got a schedule they know how everything go how to morning routine afternoon routine for homework night routine for bedtime when you got that in order now you can start learned by the boyfriend because and it's the other thing when you get you a man and you bring that man in especially it's not heels those are not his responsibilities he's gonna want some treatment he gonna want him some hot meals he gonna want him some back rub he gonna want him some love and out of tension and that's gonna be taken away from them but he need to know that they come first and you get in where you fit in and play black and if you can't understand that homework bounce teeth brush lotion bedtime with the diffuser my wife and you going my son room they got a diffuse and that's when it off and ain't ain't no a little everybody ain't got that kind of money they're $20 the diffuser come on okay put that little drips in them got that lavender going then got on the noisemaker that you turn on and you could set it on white noise or rain or ocean breeze and it just making that noise both of my sons got one at old both hung got a diffuser so when they go to bed it's all it's like a spa they didn't shower they didn't wash they body head to toe there is arms only how washing days got regular how washing days cuz they got curly hair and you know they got froze long how so how washing day get a cold I wife sit there calming I you might not have to deal with that but that Scout clean their body clean and then they lotion well my oldest got skin issues sometimes like you know from his allergies and eczema so he aquaphor and set a field my youngest got settle field and the baby Johnsons nighttime lotion they get lotion head-to-toe okay my oldest he'd take care of self now he'd do all this but my wife did that until he was able to do it on his own and take care you hit me get it to that point get it to that point and there's now bottle single mother what my wife doing because I don't do none of that I don't do none of that that's not space she she created the whole system I let her operate in that space and guess what she's run eleven companies so don't say oh well I work a full-time job oh I run 11 companies busy all day got to go through a hundred emails customer serves answering all the random questions helping people get signed up on Tony Gaskins Academy calm helping people getting signed up for the life coach certification going through managing all of that you know you me so one thing you got to realize about your responsibilities is you cannot afford excuses you can't yet you didn't make an excuse to lay down to have them so don't afford any don't get yourself any excuses tenkill do what you got to do and love them pristine 100% and now when you get past that now you got this man twelve months he need to be on one knee he get to meet them another twelve months they get the analyzer give you they feedback on if they love them and you love them now you got some if they love them and you question take on off track shoes if you love them and they question they don't they don't rock with them track shoes no if ands or buts about it if people I hear losing they life people I keep going through a lot of pain I don't wrote so men and women books that they at the hands of a mama boyfriend or the hands of a mama new husband it's a lot of pain being dished out because this what you got to realize when you watch News you will see biological fathers on the news you will see this so what you think about a non-biological man don't bit more care about your responsibilities about your sons and daughters more than the man on the moon the man on the moon and this new man care about yours the the same amount so that's what you have to understand if men struggle with raising their own flesh at a flesh blood of a blood the chances decreased greatly when you introduce a new man that's what you got to understand if your children only barely love them barely decent barely there or not there at all a new man could see one thing that every man struggle with this is every man struggle this this would be my struggle as well this every man struggle it's providing for another man responsibilities that's every man struggle now it's a minute man that can do it that don't mean it's easy that don't mean he didn't have to elevate to a level of emotional and intelligence that is almost incomprehensible vocabulary word understand that he had to elevate he had a mature he had to go to another level because a man's heart is not like a woman's heart and you see some women struggle you as a single mom probably in phase days the way you felt like you were losing your mind you want to punch you a wall you was ready to go you almost if DCF could've seen you you've been in trouble you hit me you would have been in trouble you'd have been like what in lower DC y'all what I had you under the jail some days with some of the feelings and stuff that you felt or all it is here so if you with your heart being May and create it to be a nurturer because your body feed the baby your body feeds is built to feed to carry deliver and then feed so your brain is created to hear the cry in the still of the night in the middle of the night you'll hear man snore right through that cry because his brain is not developed in that area like yours ills so if you meet your wits in imagine what a man who brain is not the same as yours gonna go through you see what I mean that's why you got to be extremely careful with who you bring around watch the news yeah get scared me any budding scared it's also about being cautious it's about being wise better to be safe than sorry like they say okay now understand is so that's when he meet them when y'all 100% serious the next thing what you got to understand cuz something that's what some of y'all be trippin that this was something single mama be trippin that don't let a man come in and go to being a disciplinarian don't let a man come in and he discipline he disciplining yours whooping them spanking them getting crunk getting loud because if it aint if they in heels it's hard ain't gonna be where I need to be point-blank period I don't care what you think you know about listen to what I'm telling you I know man me and no man mm-hmm that's that's what that's your job you deal with that's your doles yours and stop being soft I'll have to say nothing to my sons I don't have to say that to my son come on why put that foot down they know they know ain't no games being played so she don't need no man to back her up she got it on her own I'm I count on my two hands how many times I had to get with my son because it's like you know a lot of women I'm gonna tell your dad I own you I'm gonna tell you daddy on you yeah I'm tell you step dad on you I'm gonna tell Johnny only just the boyfriend Johnny I'm gonna tell mom you know you handle it they need to be able to respond to your voice and I had to I had to tell my wife that when we was young and and our first song was young I said baby cuz she'll tell him something he wouldn't do it on the first time I said oh you got to get with him you got to get with him cuz I say what if he getting ready to run into the road and you say stop and you have not trained him like the Bible say train your child up in the way that he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it I said you have not trained him to respond to your first command and he keep running and he looked back thanking you plan and then he'd get hit by car I had to break it to her like that and she had to go ahead and go ahead and get with it yes it had to get him right so from there it's been it's being smooth sailing that's how you got to be so that he sees you already got a system in place that George will behave everywhere we go anywhere we go two people come up to me and my wife and say your kids are so well-mannered so well-behaved cuz we put a system in place yes sir no sir yes ma'am no ma'am first first time you told something do it right then if you don't it's repercussions when they were young you getting pop well you getting spanked whatever they'll spare the rod spoil the child I from the Holy Bible okay because we set that at a young age the way you get a little pop of your hand or whatever it may be my 13 year old my fire yo about to be here turn six tomorrow my 12 yo he turned 13 next month we don't have to do no spankings another name because of the imprinting stage that's what a lot of people don't understand about parenting we're gonna write us a parenting book may say you preorder a woman fluence but but i'ma but I'm gonna take it to that next level in that parenting cuz we have no problem when you have terrible tools we don't have that because it's a child you imprint them you teach them how to behave you don't just let the world influence them and see that's what y'all doing a lot of times as parents single file single mothers and even when you're not when you the two of you you letting the world raise and you watch it and trying to you know just kind of support know you got the race and when you get that down when this man come in like oh the kid yes ma'am no ma'am kid she tell them do some one time they own it if they don't do it xbox gone phone boom time I whatever it may be so he realized okay I don't have to come in and impose my will and and be domineering and be telling them what they're doing hi Lynette Newman whooping them and doing all this he'd know what he fit in play what get in where you fit in and that's what has to be established okay so ain't no he coming in disciplining no because he don't love your children he don't know your children now when he don't put in some time you hit me and when I say some time I'm talking three to five years and he has established love he has established rapport then before any discipline happens it still need to be talked about with you cuz those yours he have no legal rights to them if y'all split up they going with you he can't fight you for custody cuz they ain't none of heals you hear what I'm telling you so stop trying to I just want to be a woman you know I just want to be feminine because you know they say femininity turns a man on so hey can you discipline him can you go tell you what to do no that's your responsibility those yours okay let him sit back and watch let him understand that so what I'm saying here you need to be an A+ mama before you worry about dating and when you get the dating he need to have a sense because he did hire man choose or sing along the way a man choose a single mom is the by the way you raise your children that's what tell him if you are a good woman or not if they close ain't earn if they scalp got dandruff if they fingernails toenails dirty if they turn white if they teeth yellow and brown if they all taught from the flow up if they cursing if they talking back to you if they run in you and ruling you gene bit more worth a rain didn't the woman on the moon when he look at you he liked no absolutely not this is chaos out of here and so a lot of time you might be wondering you might be wondering why you can't get a man to stay around and it's because he see he judging you as a woman based on your responsibilities how you raise it now but when that's pristine and guess what when you sacrifice them sacrificing so what that mean that means you budgeting I mean you're not eating out if you've got to make rice and chicken every night with black beans guess what that's what they own but Jeanne McDonald's and Burger King them to death you sacrifice it and you budgeted and and you budgeting and sacrificing so you can invest in them and get them some extracurricular activities so this one right here is in soccer this one right here is in basketball and that's your life that's your world you had practice you had games on the weekend when he sees that not he like okay yes this is a real one the hill but when he come in the picture and yo chair just being raised by the iPad but up by the phone you too raising them ain't got no extracurricular activities and you letting them just pack on the weight because you're not getting their mind and exercising them and got them an activities got them doing something even if they are a brain for engineering and robotics you still could put them in physical activities they still could be my son in the Chess Club here in the Robotics Club but he also played football basketball baseball and soccer not he full-time soccer and he'll do a little baseball at school or soccer at school but guess what in addition to that Robotics Club Chess Club you see what I'm saying this man he's looking to see how you are investing and see this what a lot of single moms worry about you weren't about how laid your weave is you weren't about your extensions on your natural hell you worried about you worried about the wrong thing you worried about you worried about your body just your body that ain't only thing that matter you worry about your car your money how you dressing all that matter but any of the only thing that matter what he's looking at is how you raising them okay and so understanding is when you don't have children they mean you need to wait till five in a recap you need to wait till five when you meet a man you need to vet him for 12 months because the world getting crazier today you need to vet him for 12 months before you introduce on when you introduce him this mama friend there's mark not as mama friend okay when you introduce them listen do not let a man move in that's another thing do not let a man move in before marriage when you have children and you need to vet him for two years before marriage 12 months relationship 12 months engagement a minimum of two years if you hit three years and y'all ain't even engaged it's time to go you wasting your time okay so this man understand that these are your responsibilities and you got to get out of their weakness and wanting you a man that that the yell at your kids for you to spank your kids for you no no no i'ma call DCF on you you hear me because he do not love them he does not know them so he shouldn't have no say so so he move in when y'all get married and guess what there's another thing if y'all get married and you hear something from your son or your daughter he hit me he touched me divorce in the divorce court the next day y'all got to stop playing with the man stop playing the fool stop being gone stop being weak and get gone you hear me because guess what I'm dealing with it the therapists and counselors dealing with it women coming to me my mama boyfriend used to do this my mama boy friend man coming my momma boyfriend used to fight me used to beat me up come on now come on now that's your responsibility you can't worry about your love life and I have the utmost respect my wife the reason why we was able to write this book right here a woman's influence that you need the pre-order is because she watched her mother walk away from a marriage and she said when she saw that that taught her my mama never told her this show her this she said that taught her don't ever put up with mistreatment walk away my why I say one day she woke up her mama woke up and the moving truck was outside and it was getting all the furniture and she said we leave when no ifs ands and buts about it and that right Dale taught my wife everything she needed to know and guess what that may hurt a strong woman that she is today and that's why I was influenced a woman's influence I was influenced to change my life for the better because of the strength that she has that she got from watching the strength of her mother and guess what that was in high school when that happened my wife and her me at third is now and that was in high school so we talking 16 17 15 16 17 years old I'm I made me marry since I'm my main data since she didn't Jean met another man since you hit me I respect that death and before that man she hadn't met a man a single man I respect that there when you protect your responsibilities and you ain't willy-nilly and they got to meet all these different man they got to be mean this guy this guy this guy oh I miss Johnny oh I missed Tommy oh I miss Steve mommy where's Steve she they shouldn't need no Steve cuz if you and Steven broke up already they should need no Steve Steve should've treated you like a queen married you then moved in and they ain't got to be mrs. Steve cuz they get to see Steve because you handle your business the right way so listen be very strict do not be desperate do not get frustrated do not be weak do not be naive do not be done do not be ignorant pay attention to the signs protect your responsibilities do not neglect your responsibilities give 100% you need to be able to give yourself an a-plus in the area of motherhood and you need to be getting compliments if you're not getting compliments for your children you ain't doing enough if you're not getting compliments you're not doing enough and them compliments matter and you know why you're gonna give them because people not used to it they not you when when people who work in business establishments whether it's a banking you open a new account the car service department the dentist the doctor they used to see kids be buck wild [Music] so when yours come in and sit down and they can sit there and either watch the Netflix on the iPad or on the on your phone you give them your phone and they plan they look gay but they can sit there and behave that receptionist at that desk or the doctor in the back gonna say gonna say your child is so well behaved congratulations you're doing an amazing job you gonna hear that me and my wife here all the time and when we hear that unlike wow that let me know but I get to see it myself though when I'm somewhere and I'm looking at you and the reason why is because you taking your loneliness out on that child and you don't want to be a disciplinarian and you think that if you are strict that they think oh that they gonna stop loving you and that's alive that's when they're gonna love you more that's when they know you truly love them when you've got systems in place you got structure in place you got a schedule in place you got disciplinary actions in place that come from a place of love now from a place of anger not from a place of frustration you eat let it build up build up build build up build up in there boom you need DCF Carl don't you know it's you consistent with every look bang they get the look disciplinary action hmm it could be simply open the hand and look calm look home pop them in hand don't eat don't eat even when you really hurt him but it just sent a signal to the brain that's unacceptable you see what I'm saying and but you got stuff in place and don't come with me l studies show that time out and discipline do not work and it messes up the brain activity that's a lot my son got straight A's no a minuses and perfect in school you hit me because we're human and we able to be talked to be trained to be taught how to be decent human beings just like I'm a hundred percent faithful husband it's possible for a man to be 100% faithful cuz I'm living it so I know now it's possible I ain't know as possible until I started living it and when I got married at 23 years old and even at 23 I struggled for two years looking around wondering eyes I'm like woo hi man do this too imma do this to 80 but at 25 I turned over a new leaf and I got that real strength and I had discipline myself and from that discipline they had training me so the same thing with you and you raising yours you gotta have systems in place you got to go eight plus there and when you eight plus there now you ready today you date him you get to know him you approve him y'all ready to get married then you introduce him y'all date another 12 months you get married then he move in you give this another 36 months three years before he can discipline them and you watch him interact with him you watch him build rapport you watch him be loved if he got a problem with it kick him to the curb he wanna come in and strong armed just as he think he a man kick him to the curb because men who want to do that they bring in a childhood in pain into your situation and they want to take out what they dad used to abuse it used to abuse him and now he won't take it out on your kid because he don't love your kids and he mad that you that they daddy look better than he do that the daddy got more money than he do or that they daddy more athletic than heels or had more women than he did so he said so he taking it out on yours because he jealous let your ex he jealous that you got a sole time you see what I'm saying that's why you got to take your time and do not ignore any red flags it is Tony Gaskins and guess what we just did we just added co-parenting to one of the coaching categories on my mentor dot life so if you are a certified life coach if you not click the link in the description get certified if you didn't learn how to co-parent you great at it you're doing a good job become a co-parent and coach to help other people learn how to do it if you need to co parenting coach visit my mentor dot life and book your coach it is Tony Gaskins god bless you aspiring life coaches I hope to see you April 11 and if you need to take it online it's on Tony gasps academy.com god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 38,290

Rating: 4.9099493 out of 5

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Id: 93T_4pL6ZFU

Length: 59min 3sec (3543 seconds)

Published: Thu Mar 05 2020