"Dad stopped paying my college, he ends up giving me a winning lottery ticket" - (r/AskReddit)

our slash asked reddit reddit what is your best Instant Karma story my three-year-old came out of her room and punched me in the butt she turned to run away and ran into the wall I laughed toddlers are little shits I witnessed a road rage incident where a man got out of his car as a red light went to the door of the driver of a minivan and yelled at the window for minutes when the light turned green he went to get back in his car but his door was locked this is beautifully simple and I can just imagine the look on the man's face confusion then realization then rage followed by shame glorious I had food poisoning near the end of my shift I only had an hour left but somehow thought I could make it I am brown skinned and my face was white and green I was sick of [ __ ] I had to keep excusing myself to the restroom my manager came right out and said don't even think you're going home early I just went and ran to the bathroom again a few days later she comes in I've never seen anyone look as sick and standing on two feet she shuffles him can't pick up her feet no makeup pale green a little puke on her shirt she goes into the higher ups his office and begs to go home I was in the break room right next to his office and heard the sweet music myself he said no I need you here we have extra shirts and aprons if you want one I can't have you gone today honey when I was a kid about 9:00 or so my dad and I were at the airport food court eating while waiting on our flight my eyes were bigger than my stomach and I didn't touch my fries rather than throw them away I asked some lady if she wanted them free of course when we get to the main lobby for our flight lo and behold who do we see yup that same lady she was in the main kiosk as a flight agent and she let us know she gave us a comp upgrade to business class that was the first time I had ever flown business class edit thanks for the gold kind stranger first time getting gilded this is like read it business class right in sixth grade we had a substitute who might have been insane she would show up and start yelling about the most random things most people were too afraid to talk when she was in class one day she was subbing another class and stopped me on my way to the office she told me how terrible my class was and how bad of a person and student I am I was the quiet straight-a kid I kept walking and she followed she stared at me while talking and walked into a large metal pole I just kept walking when she fell to the ground I was commuting into Atlanta for a work matter dude in a nice car was cutting lanes and going like 90 miles per hour two cars in front of me he cuts off a Dodge Charger and it flicks on it's undercover lights it made my day since Atlanta traffic was terrible and everyone living in GA knew that but it was doubter bags like this that would take your commute time from an hour to two hours because they were careless and crashed as a teacher I get to experience Instant Karma daily one that sticks out in particular I had a student when I was teaching at a middle school who was loud obnoxious and willing to do anything for attention we had just finished an exam which required stapled papers in order to be turned in and he kept hitting the stapler against his hand with it open all I said was hey if you keep hitting that stapler against your hand with it open it probably won't end well for you he responded with I do this all the time I've never been stabbed click student lets out the loudest scream I've ever heard bleeding crying I'm laughing on the inside hopefully and sent him out to the office a guy stole my bike from Iraq a couple of weeks ago when people approached him he took off on foot and got hit by a car making it much easier for the police to find and arrest him the poor woman that hit him was distraught and convinced she killed him but he ended up with just some scrapes and bruises Edit okay here's what happened the guy was only able to ride about two blocks before me and my mom pulled up in her car ordering him off the bike other people joined him he hopped off the bike apologized he even put down the kickstand and started running the opposite direction presumably trying to make it to the train station a couple blocks away he only made it a block or two on foot before getting hit by the car we ended up having to identify him in the back of an ambulance along with a couple who saw the whole thing I felt bad for him because he got off the bike and apologized but I realized that he would not have gotten hit if he wasn't doing something illegal in the first place sorry if I did this wrong but this is my first time replying edit typos had just passed my driving test in UK and got a car new the road had speed cameras on so was being very careful and this fan behind me was tailing me he was obviously annoyed at me observing the speed limit overtook cannot flush try the speed camera just ahead ha similar story I work for a city and nowhere the police like to set up their speed traps during the day so I'm going around the corner going the proper 30 kilometres per hour because it's a school zone though it feels painfully slow because the road is so wide the dude in the fancy Mercedes behind me got impatient and sped around me only to be flagged down by a police officer around the corner it felt so good my dad stopped paying my college tuition without telling me I would have understood if he told me which resulted in me going to school to register for classes and being told I couldn't but I had already signed the semester lease on a condo and ended having to leave campus shortly after and go back home to work full-time until I got off on my own Christmas my dad had me a five dollar lottery ticket in my stocking and I won $30,000 that's still a really shitty thing for your dad to do did he ever tell you why he stopped paying your tuition got to work and immediately got asked to deal with a difficult customer who had rang the store from a parking bay in our carpark lady says she has the wrong frozen drink and one serie fund and a replacement literally a $1 I take out the $1 and try to find out what drink she wants she goes off because she also wanted her a fund for the fries because the event has made her sick to her stomach because of bad cast the service I say that I didn't know she wanted a full refund as it wasn't mentioned on the phone literally as I walked into the office she keeps going on about how she is now going to be late for the four minutes she spent in park and rants for five more minutes about service before I tell her that I'm going to get her a fund to try and make sure she still gets to her event she throws the bag of flies at me hitting me in the chest and I grab it and walk off to get her a fund keeps yelling until I get back with the $2 and sixty cents turns out the man behind her watched the whole thing and because she was in a company car he reported her to the company Tupperware she was fired that afternoon the lady then tried to get me five saying I caused it and to get compensation our customer service team laughed at her and eventually my owner had to call her when he called her she started swearing at him and he told her if you're going to swear at me I'm going to tell Tupperware again and hung up only time I think the abused staff member has actually had a big win in my job I was on the beach with my family my young brother fell on the water and got a face full of sand I was laughing my ass off when a huge wave came behind me hit me hard and I got a mouthful of salt water my dad laughed his ass off : a whole network was spending all day ducking around on his new phone this was when iPhones were new and showing it off before dropping it onto the grill grilled apples aren't too bad you could make a pie a woman was 70 cents short on her purchase so I'll let it go when counting her change I noticed a 1960 silver dime is it a valuable dime it's worth at least 10 cents I have a friend with muscular dystrophy we and some other friends had gone to mitsuo a beach in Japanese grocery store when we came out a sports car was parked on the goddamn lines between the two handicapped sports meaning my friend couldn't even get in his van because that space is where his ramp needs to come out we went into the store kind of thinking maybe they could just make an announcement that customer service said to call the cops so we waited for a while and finally the young lady who done this move came out of the store and went to get in her car we told her we'd called the cops and she kinda laughed no we really called the cops luckily the traffic cop pulled up right that moment she made the girl move and we were able to go on our way and watch her receive I can only hope a fairly hefty ticket as we weren't eta if it helps your karma boner on another time this exact scenario occurred a less wholesome friend did indeed key their car I'm not endorsing it but it happened eita - it was the NJ NYC location don't rub it in with how many mitsuo so you have California comma I was driving home with some friends in this Jack out in the lane next to the sketch make in shady maneuvers I would stop at a red light the light would turn green he would floor it and start weaving in and out of traffic cutting people off squeezing into openings he had no business squeezing into and almost causing accidents then the next lights would turn red he'd slam on the brakes and we'd end up waiting at the light next to him again it must have happened at like five lights in a row finally he finds an opening punches it and just speeds off into the distance probably going double the speed limit about a mile down the road we see a cop on the side of the road with his lights on and somebody pulled over we are all like oh please let it be the stuck in a hole sure enough we drive by see that it's him and everybody just starts laughing it was so satisfying I was driving home late one night and was in the freeway going reasonably fast there was no one else around except one car coming up behind me super fast I expected him to pass me and he did but then he cut me off really hard for seriously no reason other than to be a Dom then sped off I literally throw a hand up and look around like WTF did anyone see that [ __ ] and a Highway Patrol guy pulls up next to me salutes and chases after him with his lights on I saw then pulled over a few miles down the road my friend constantly harps on how slow I Drive I Drive the speed limit she drives like a harpy trying to bust out of hell a couple of months ago she threw a huge fit that she wanted to drive herself to dinner because I'd get us there way too late so she drove herself and I drove separately I got there on time and was waiting for 20 minutes when she finally walked in apparently she was pulled over on the way in it ended up being a $200 plus ticket which she beat she would fight I just smiled and said I had no problems getting there on time trying to get home to my parents for Christmas in a blizzard and a guy started tailgating me on the highway flashing his lights the works this goes on for a mile or so until I slowed to a crawl enough for him to get the hint to go around but he speeds off and about a half mile down the road I see him facing the other way on the side of the road Bianchi and I were in a car she was driving I didn't think she noticed her read loft so I pointed out the light was red and she gave me a lecture about her knowing how to drive and how she doesn't need my input whatever on our way back from where we were going she runs a red light and totals her car playing tug-of-war with the girlfriend's dog win the Rope throw it across the room except my aim is [ __ ] and I take out a framed picture of her and said dog grabbed my glass of wine to take a drink dog hunt is back over with the robe puts his snout under my arm to get attention flips his head back thus throwing my wine holding hand into the air full glass of wine showers all over me TL DR duck up dog's picture dog ducks up my hoodie about a month ago I ran to a craft store for young in the same parking lot as the craft store there is a McDonald's there was a homeless man with a sign near the McDonald's essentially saying hungry and a thing will help it was cold and windy as heck I pulled through the drive-thru got him a large meal and a large caramel latter pulled around to the man gave it to him went on to the craft store pick out all my yarn my total was about 57 the lady at the register asked if I was a member I said I wasn't and she said well I'll scan this upon anyways she saved me 16 dollars that was the fastest the comet gods have smiled on me edit just wanted to say all the compliments you guys have thrown my way has made my day wishing each of you a great day a few days ago I was with my friend when she got hit in right back bumper of her car she had the right of way but there was minimal damage to only her car and she wasn't gonna make a big fuss about it but the other people were angry and were being verbally aggressive that it was her fault like two full-grown adults super pissed of some high school girls my friend wanted to just exams insurance info and phone s and leaves since she had to drop me off and go to work but they called the cops and made us wait for like 20 minutes they started telling the cops a really twisted story about what happened making it sound like it was her fault just being super [ __ ] and smear the cop listen to their story with such a genuine and attentive face says mhm and writes them a ticket for breaking the law : I was coming home from school with a friend early in the journey I slipped on ice but managed to keep my balance and didn't fall my friend laughed out loud like a maniac a few moments later he fell face down into the ice in the nineties I bought a newspaper everyday from a newspaper box you stick 35 cents into coin slot to unlock one day I took two papers as I walked away with both papers my sure tail got stuck in the door of the newspaper box had to pay 35 cents to get my shirt back out ex girlfriend cheated on me guy lied to her about an STD which she now has Instant Karma flat mate is a rugby player him and his team mate are in the living room and his teammate is bragging about how he's been shagging various girls without a condom crediting his pullout game he's mid story of how he hooked up with a hockey girl the previous night and used his trusty pullout method when his phone starts to ring it was a different hockey girl that he got with - three weeks before calling to tell him she was pregnant a guy and some of his friends were crossing the street when the light said not that this was on the day of the st. Patrick's Day Parade in Chicago so there was a lot of people downtown and everyone was drunk and crossing the street when they shouldn't be when the car they were walking in front of honked at them the guy got mad and started yelling at the driver and the driver and him get into an argument of sorts where they trade some vulgar ham signs at the end the guy flips off the driver and then spits on his window a few seconds later we hear sirens and see lights flashing the cops stop right in front of the guy and his friends and arrest him when I was eight or nine my best friend and I were outside late that night while it was below freezing we had the idea of pouring water over the sidewalk so it would freeze by morning the next morning we went to check our contraption and to our surprise it worked we were having fun sliding around on the ice when the neighborhood bully showed up he was around 14 and twice my size being the donkey was he had not hit me but then immediately lost his footing on the ice it was comical his arms were flailing trying to keep his balance as his feet were kicking out from under him going on for what felt like an eternity eventually he fell and hit his head hard he cracked his skull and had to be rushed to the emergency room the best part was that he had some wrapped candy in his pockets that fell out which I claimed as my own the TLDR neighborhood bully head-butted me icy sidewalk had blotted him back and I won candy I was in line at Walmart between two people the woman in front of me was buying groceries with a food stamp card along with a bunch of school clothes for a little girl she had with her when the woman in front of us couldn't afford all the clothes she had in the cart the little girl started bawling her poor mom was miserably embarrassed telling the little girl they'd come back later for more clothes et Cie and that's when the beach behind me started making loud remarks about how ethnic group shouldn't have more kids than they can afford and how we were already buying her groceries etc I handed the woman in front of me my debit card and told the beach behind us go duck herself it was kind of ugly well while I'm standing there and the lady and her daughter were thanking me the beach who was behind us had her card declined and had to leave the store without her items it was a beautiful thing I was sitting as a guest to dinner at a wedding reception people were tapping their glasses to get the bride and groom to kiss one guy if my table got really obnoxious with it and started banging on the glass VARs centerpiece loud and hard he kept doing it over and over every couple of minutes bong bong bong bong bong until finally it went bong bong bong cloop the vars didn't shatter instead he put a hole in it a spoon sized piece of glass broke away in the vars which was a good 20 inches tall and filled with water began to empty as water poured up the hole like a spigot directly into his wife's lamp I felt bad for her but oh man that was gratifying I was in the passing lane on the highway slowly coming up on a couple of cars in the right lane the speed limit was about to decrease ahead and the another car came up behind me going pretty fast instead of guessing it to get ahead of the traffic to my right I slowed down and pulled in behind them with the car behind me right on my ass once I got into the right lane the car floored it and passed me honking the horn and the passenger's body was half out of the car window yelling at me and flipping me off as they passed turns out the car I pulled and behind was an unmarked state trooper who promptly pulled them over justice back in college I was crossing the street when they say hold on a motorcycle decided pedestrians shouldn't be allowed to cross in the crosswalk blew the red light and nearly ran me down I stood there a second annoyed but thought nothing I can do about it when another motorcycle came past me this time it was a police officer he looked at me grinned broadly and gave me a thumbs up and then pulled over the other guy and gave him a ticket mentioned this in an NYC thread some months back I was at a crosswalk in Brooklyn looking left then right then left again a guy in a suit pauses a yelling cell phone conversation to snicker at me saying it's a one-way bro no sooner had he set foot in the intersection that he has a mild collision with a bicyclist going the wrong way and neither was hurt enough to slow down and as the cyclists rode off the two competed to see who could say watch where you're going the loudest it was a tie I was on safari in Kenya with my slightly psychotic family it was the morning of departure and we had to get from the safari lodge to the airstrip and then fly back to Nairobi the plan was to have one Safari Jeep full of our luggage which would go straight to the airstrip the other Safari Jeep would take my family on one last excursion to see some animals before heading to the airstrip I enter the Safari Jeep last and I take the only available seat at the very back not a very good seat to spot animals from suddenly my sister starts freaking the duck out and screaming at me for taking that seat WTF I had already had enough of her drama from all the previous days so I just got out of the Jeep and went to sit in the other GEEP which was going straight to the airstrip we started driving and I was prepared to have to wait for my family at the airstrip in the blistering heat while they're out looking for animals but then about ten minutes into the drive I suddenly spot a herd of no less than fifteen elephants I asked the guide if we can get any closer he literally drove right into the middle of the herd I was surrounded by elephants of all ages we were so close it was truly an amazing sight so the guide used his walkie-talkie to inform the other guide daddy should bring the rest of my family hair we stayed there for a good 10 minutes as we watched the herd slowly walk from the field into the bushes but by the time my family arrived at the scene it was too late all the elephants had migrated into the bushes and were nowhere to be seen and guess whose favorite animal is the elephant my sisters when I was 17 I was driving around with some friends I was in the backseat of the drivers side after stopping at Wendy's I we were driving back home and we passed by this really mean girls house I told the driver to stop and I jumped out of the car chucked my large Frosty at her bedroom window I ran back to the car and before I was all the way and I said go my foot was still outside the car it got dragged under the tire and my foot got ran over oh god the crunching and popping I felt hurt somehow I didn't break my foot though it does click pop when I walk I never vandalized anything again it was a warning the gods were telling me to knock it the duck off I definitely listened was out for dinner with my then fiancée now wife and her dad my now father-in-law he's a bit other dong to her he got divorced and remarried loves those kids more than my wife gives a [ __ ] over too many things etc so we're at the end log dinner father-in-law offers to pay for the meal ok that's nice my wife asks to get her leftovers boxed and she'll take them home he starts with well you'll just leave them in the fridge then they'll just get thrown out blah blah I tell him listen it's not your fridge leave her alone she and I lived together at this point he gets all mad don't tell me how to raise my daughter I reply then don't speak to my fiance that way he literally throws the bill and folder thing at me and says fine you da kine pay then and storms out ok now everyone is pissed I am my fiance is saying why did you have to start something etc so I pay the bill and I'm just waiting for the receipt like they're waiting 10 minutes here what the hell is going on tensions are rising her dad is waiting outside just building up steam and ready to blow once we get out there I asked the waiter can I just get out bill and go oh no sir you have to wait for the manager turns out they have a contest running where every bill is a winner normally you'll win a free drink or appetizer with your next meal well we won the mother duck ein grand prize a trip for four to Florida whoever pays gets the prize well guess what Ducker I paid because you stormed out like an a-hole karma say Beach I was about seven and on a family trip to Florida my grandfather and I were walking in the water by the shoreline and I kept seeing a weird shadow I told my grandfather about it and that he should move but he just smiled and ignored me he stepped in a stingray two minutes afterward to be fair I did still believe in monsters in my closet so it's not like I was the most reliable source of information edit he stepped on a stingray I should also mention it stung him and he ended up in the ER for a couple hours working Freight in retail I was the shoe department supervisor and had six carts to do my friend who was supervisor for the men's department had three left to do when I was walking by her with my last cart I decided to be a snot and teaser for still having Freight to do not five seconds later I just barely bumped my cart into a shelf and all my show boxes were knocked off and about half of em fell open so that the shoes came out whoa you made it to the end you're ducking beasts I'll cut you a deal smash like and subscribe for more curated content brug it's free and that's a great price

Channel: Sir Reddit

Views: 484,545

Rating: 4.9235821 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, askreddit, askreddit funny, top posts, top posts of r/, r/, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, top posts of all time, askreddit question, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, askreddit reading, subreddit, reddit stories, best of r/askreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, emkay, ToadFilms, sir reddit, doctor reddit, reddit and chill, giofilms

Id: XI5Z3GdIVUk

Length: 25min 0sec (1500 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 16 2020