"Comedy After Dark" Standup Special hosted by @trinarockstarr @jennajameson @rosaacosta

to all the recipe that I am your [ __ ] president I've got the white house don't pay rent I'm the [ __ ] president and there's gonna be some changes around this [ __ ] well first of all we're getting rid of NASCAR that's finished that's right but we're going to replace it we're gonna place it with pitbull fighting and the bald eagle is now gonna be fried chicken somebody teach me how to dougie I don't like us some reporters treat Mariah some of them disrespect some lady from penthouse ask Barack if he'd like to go down on women it's crazy she's trying to be cute like Barack Obama do you eat vagina but he couldn't answer that cos he the president but he told us something smooth he goes hey I won't answer that because I find that to be quite inappropriate and it's none of your business but all right we'll say this ain't no vegetarian [Applause] I love liquor my mother mom I'm a wife please and now from Memphis living in Atlanta right now give it up for a k-dub [Applause] [Music] it ain't gonna help y'all light y'all good y'all sure y'all I everybody away your hands side to side y'all look stupid in the [ __ ] I don't know why the [ __ ] y'all did it [ __ ] [ __ ] do anything waving their hands and [ __ ] he I'll set around applause coming out tonight it's 2012 how many I got the [ __ ] together this year clap it if you got any [ __ ] together two down to toil [ __ ] out here [ __ ] be lying like a [ __ ] y'all ain't got the [ __ ] together you gonna be [ __ ] again this year my book is always way to next year to my next year my year you ain't gonna be [ __ ] again if you want [ __ ] on December 24 he ain't gonna be [ __ ] on January 30 I don't give a [ __ ] who you are my homeboy 37 years old tell me this is here look at you the head 37 January first year did [ __ ] but neither one of them black people stop playing that lottery to you is not gonna win that [ __ ] I don't even [ __ ] out hard you try my homeboy play every number went to Mac dollars in about 37 large fries trying to win the monopoly [ __ ] he win and [ __ ] with three hands barrels I said I told you stop playing that [ __ ] you got to get your life together you ain't got no money do not do no dumb [ __ ] like taking women on dates how many fell in here take women on days clapping you take a woman on a date that's [ __ ] up I took a woman to the Cheesecake Factory beer was 182 dollars cheap Tamara what you gonna get them like [ __ ] in eight man that's it right there I'm about to go to the bathroom jump by the window your hand that's what the [ __ ] I'm about to do they brought the chick I lived at the chick like it was a poker hand I was like all he'll non-photo hit me with another one god damn it I cannot pay that bill if I paid it bill you might as well gonna give me the puss I know you got on you're gonna give me the puss I know you got it on you that's some hell of a [ __ ] to say to a woman go get me the puss I know you got on you well if you talk about the [ __ ] [ __ ] I know you got that on you may not have known one on you but you damn sure got the puss on you you only give me that puss I know you got on your [ __ ] gonna put on panties down each other wanting to pull up in it down pull your panties down what you say let me goddamn panties down yeah women think we gentleman's because we let them order first women we let y'all order first so we can balance out the price of the meal at the end I don't want to [ __ ] around get a prime rib and you get one too [ __ ] what would you be having ma'am I don't have the prime rib you search should I tell you what this is you do right here just bring some more they got damn bring it back for right now they're really good as a [ __ ] matter [ __ ] I got a can of corned beef hash out there in the trunk that's why I always go don't [ __ ] the restaurant you can always tell the [ __ ] the restaurant that what the [ __ ] the restaurants had the best food you notice that [ __ ] you go an accent much some cuz they start cooking the [ __ ] you didn't want to [ __ ] they stopped cooking you just inquire about it people how much y'all hamburger are they walking moms look I the one I'm with you comes with the [ __ ] wrong with you I was gonna get a hot dog this [ __ ] did drop the goddamn hot dog I was gonna [ __ ] the restaurant this [ __ ] broke my sweetie to the table but he had his hand inside the glass with he brought it who wanna sweetie I said no nobody want a sweet tea sir like somebody ordered his [ __ ] sweet tea I said no sir tea nobody you shut the [ __ ] up because somebody ordered this Scottie I'm sweet Dee I tried to wait today [ __ ] to walk on try the order for some nights from somebody else ain't no you hide behind a podium any well a [ __ ] I told you you ordered this sweet tea all right I cut your [ __ ] throat [ __ ] trying to plug me out of sweet tea up in here [ __ ] don't work at six people [ __ ] it up get your money right gas prices getting more and more [ __ ] up every day 386 396 who the [ __ ] coming up with these prices who the [ __ ] him over 396 that the [ __ ] was four dollars with me they add it up if I can you 48 dollars then I know that's goddamn $4 a gallon that's 12 gallons get my [ __ ] created 6 we can add this [ __ ] up that's really be [ __ ] eyes out our gallons at depaul that's why I get all my gas one at a time I'll go in there [ __ ] one at a time let me get 386 on pot one thank you sir I'll go out there and pump that mop up come right back again let me get one more additional 386 go pump that [ __ ] and come right back at the end they go mean to [ __ ] with you but I want one more 386 you know [ __ ] will skip the lines skip mister let me get one bit that was already like him another 386 right there black people we hate the stain of land on it we won't stand aligned but [ __ ] the line longest a month but we try to skip the line we've been Walmart and she will stand into line you'll [ __ ] [ __ ] standing into line he's got damn right he's my goddamn lines right here god damn it he's always somebody to come behind see me sir which lying in I met both of these goddamn line you gonna fight you two goddamn lies we don't give a [ __ ] we'll put our basket in one line they're getting the whole nother line on it that's my basket right there don't get in front of it I can cut your [ __ ] throat [ __ ] hey man y'all have been a delicious crowd y'all holla back I'm Kate [Applause] Miami let's welcome to the stage Steve Brown okay goddamn I am in Florida then I want to see the intonation when you can see her [ __ ] stealing his front porch or no house behind it too late the man the producer of the Kings economy but I see right now he didn't cut costs like a [ __ ] on us he brought me way from Alabama on the Greyhound bus the bus was so ragged a dog jumped up beside and caught the cab come on [ __ ] I can't be seen on this [ __ ] I just meet you out here then he picked me up on the limousine come to find out it wasn't no baller limousine it was a funeral home limousine I knew it was a funeral home limousines when I got inside the family was still you know crying is [ __ ] we had to drop them up and some dude threw her iron even though I'd get to the pillar I look at the obituary in Miami you know it's hot when your shadow don't want to be [ __ ] up which you may even get the [ __ ] on come on stay right here goddamn it by the way bring me a fan in the Slurpee bag just hop in the [ __ ] I hear you know it's hot when the police don't even do the goddamn job I got pulled over on the way over here by the police it was so hot and he want to get out the car he pulled up beside me got my cell phone number and texted me my ticket last time it was so hot down here I thought the Ku Klux Klan marching with short sleeve sheets on one of Jack's will Heidi just put his hood on [ __ ] this dumb [ __ ] gonna have to see me today it's hot topics that are you know you'd be walking downtown and you see the police office in his cool air-conditioned car I've got so hot I jump in the car with his air people at the middle like sir you don't have to commit a crime to ride in this car I'm looking this ass lift up a blunt and said [ __ ] let's ride is hot in a [ __ ] [Applause] jokes funny as hell if you ain't laugh by now that mean your self-esteem is low and you need to be dead you better laugh when you [ __ ] around and fart taking the phone your father in this smells so bad he made you embarrassed but she was by yourself people like goddamn I can't believe I just did this I'm gonna say a toast octopus it's a woof balls I'm mocking us you have a father and the smell so bad it made you think you were dying this got to be leukemia don't know happy [ __ ] it's not like this right here the fart is so hard and so loud and made the person next to you check on you [ __ ] you all right it washed away but the fog followed you and they say women don't fart they poop that's a goddamn lie can't be bussing on wings and [ __ ] oh this girl other night we ride home from the Mexican restaurant she gonna sit on the passenger side and let out the loudest fart I ever heard in my goddamn life [Music] oh I'm sorry suck my 8 didn't agree with me so I don't mind y'all disagreement they're gonna be arcing in my goddamn cop rock you sound like a bunch of [ __ ] to me [ __ ] taking the [ __ ] you ever took a [ __ ] so long you made your legs go to sleep like you got to wipe your ass laying down [ __ ] so good and so long it made you take out all y'all goddamn clothes and it's been me is constipation or curse from God you have been so constipated and made you damn to pass out you looking so constipated it made you pray to God and ask him some stupid [ __ ] Lord if you get this bowling ball at my ass enjoy my damn cell but Miami y'all looking good man do me a favor fellas and give it up for all these beautiful ladies heretofore giving up all right that's enough that's enough that's enough [ __ ] that ladies y'all gonna be ashame you said specially the ones that look really really good you [ __ ] it up for the ugly ones you really are cuz you got [ __ ] up attitude you need to shut the [ __ ] if I had to go off on one back there about 30 minutes ago had an ass that attitude I like damn yeah you look good as hell thank you too bad I can't say the same about you I was like you can if you like I just did [ __ ] I don't give a [ __ ] let something out ladies member tade yeah yeah I'm the wicked sick and tired of y'all with that age-old line you know a child say it's hard to find a good man it's hard to find a good man when we quickly revert that [ __ ] back to y'all it's hard to find a good woman now some of y'all come with [ __ ] like baggage that ain't talked about your kids but something do be wrong with y'all goddamn kid though I was good other night we had my career watching TV no problem she brings her son with her because I believe in the package deal you get a lady she got kids you love that kid like is your own we're sitting there watching TV this bad mother don't take out a crayon a star writing on my wall don't highlight him he authentic I found you [ __ ] how well he drop it [Applause] [ __ ] trailer what's wrong with you and I know something out looking at me like that's heaping the top like that yes [ __ ] I chopped my desk but I'm a [ __ ] thug gonna kill her I'm late [ __ ] down I'm so hood and I don't argue like y'all young dudes I go in a fight not because I'm a man actually I just don't want to do I'm fighting with you here that I talk like this you know [ __ ] with my street credibility what I'm saying but I am a real [ __ ] thug I am but my boys don't agree with the 3rd activities that I indulge in like two months ago I tried to rob a bank the bank was back I bust nailed my ski mask duffel bag shotgun everybody was scared his hair and time over my mouth everybody on the float they laughed at me so long I got down on the floor just roll the [ __ ] activated some [ __ ] right here this don't make no goddamn sense that means we're gonna get saved hey y'all let me say this before I get out of here I'm not a gay basher but this gay [ __ ] is getting out of hand everybody want to be [ __ ] gay gay is the new in thing now it's gay is so in now I believe gay people gonna start talking about the straight people like they in the goddamn wrong look at him his old dick in the [ __ ] ass [ __ ] I bet his family don't know about that [ __ ] but if you do have a bat you know if I wasn't gay I'll get that [ __ ] my dear know how to roll know how to roll [ __ ] I get that [ __ ] my homeboy was Dave I even know what we hanging out he put it in the condom fell down the back of his pants me I should have known he was Gator I should have known he was gay by the [ __ ] he was doing cuz every time we played basketball he packed me on my ass he was opening PAC you know you want to [ __ ] you over the patent but you're just don't open attack me I missed the shot he packed me on my ass I miss a shot he Pat me on my ass I called timeout Miami what the [ __ ] you can't be patting me on my ass though that [ __ ] is date do you like dump it any day if you packed somebody on their ass and you clear basketball I said it is from the south side of Chicago make some noise for Damon Williams what's up y'all talking to everybody what's up y'all and I just had jenna jameson bring me up y'all get up for jenna jameson [Applause] good good to see her without the buffering y'all know about the Buffett doll you ain't never hit yourself the little circle inside the buffer you busted the buffer just me so ain't nobody here hitting they sell bra you ain't never hit yourself you were you were goddamn like you ain't never broke yourself oh so you just walking around full of nut right now every dude in here hit they self ladies trust me we'd be thinking about you but you ain't that we do the math got to go over there and get a surprise I gonna be hungry yeah I take [ __ ] ah you hit yourself you gonna sleep see he does too either that or you a serial killer got a [ __ ] like me gotta have fun cuz you know people dying all our legends give it up Whitney Houston Brown applause all right Heavy D round of applause Michael Jackson round of the flower that Mike thing that really hit me do that Mike hit you but anybody feel sorry for the doctor I do see he was making a hundred fifty thousand a month to watch somebody sleep see it ain't away he with a dad on my shift they gotta been over Mike with holding out like you straight my god I laid next to that heat which our twitter ID number and if you had a dad with nobody know she got a prop disaster but still gonna walk around with my clay [ __ ] my straight it'll be like a weekend at Bernie's me and Mike have been kickin their guy though he could still been born walking that's enough trying to get that 150 he to live that month out I tell you that much you gotta live your life man cuz she keep coming out to kill us every year new [ __ ] chickens me sick the cantaloupes was sick killing people candle I ain't never trust count look though that little middle part with a little alien juicing them seeds ain't ever they try to scare us every at bird flu [ __ ] and the swine flu anybody take swine flu shot I'm talking to y'all here's the question alright if you took it you the case 30 got ever I don't take [ __ ] when it first come out mess around be stuck like this somebody here but I ain't called friend oh I had coffee I read out of flue to be this goddamn dude plus I read they were supposed to be like affected mostly Latinos and blacks that's why they call the h1n1 that's Hispanics and Negroes see that no that's that booth y'all know sent out a text I made that [ __ ] up no send out text ends to ten people with all day I'm down you know thanks you sticking them goddamn chain check send us the check people Jesus don't know you don't see me [ __ ] what about forget the for chill text now I got to go to hell this is [ __ ] plus I'm sick of text from anyway that Texas [ __ ] is out of control used to be you text somebody they hit you right back you done now I text you you text me I text you goddammit that's a phone call you know I'm saying plus thing about trying to do all that spelling all the time no front like I'm only one got stuck on the word you had to change your whole [ __ ] yeah bring me back a souvenir gift a souvenir popping up soup soldier all type of [ __ ] smell check on you know the [ __ ] I'm looking for a way to [ __ ] off I was just reminisce remembering some [ __ ] I wasn't reminiscing about [ __ ] I've been walking around South Beach and [ __ ] you know I ain't really no South Beach do I'm more like for a lot of day when you come to Florida South Beach too overdone you know we're in for real you know dudes lot of little dudes running around you know with the flip-flop let's let's get a flip-flop and this floor this beaches but your ass ain't in the water or by a pool you were grown as man you ain't never supposed to have on flip-flops never I think something outstanding somebody that Nike don't tell me that [ __ ] between your toes what if a fight break out you can't fight a no goddamn flip-flops you'll get your ass Peters for flip-flops well if they start shooting oh [ __ ] they shoot and flicker flicker flicker flicker flicker flicker flicker they're all [ __ ] they got me flick up flick up flick up flick up call my people flick up flick up flick up that's your crate and I want to say this it's 2012 you ain't got no man ladies goddammit you bullshitting cuz somebody want to hit that you just overlooking him now your heads walking around horny and lonely and constipated [ __ ] you know now ladies be constipated though ladies don't [ __ ] everyday you ever seen your girl [ __ ] nope that's cuz they can hold it like a camera that's why sometimes for real I was on a cruise ship look this lady said I ain't [ __ ] since winter it was Tuesday I'm like how are you living you been at this buffet everyday and you ain't [ __ ] that's why we try to hide it a female sugar you know action change stuck-up she's full of [ __ ] that's why they be walking like that gone somewhere gone shame [ __ ] and it's twisted 2012 we're on my end you're walking around horny and lonely it's 2012 let that ass go fellas back me up on that one two three one let that ass go sad again 2012 what I gotta go to I'm doing wheels y'all god bless lose that boy of comedy reps the Motor City give it up for me papi Howie Bell [Applause] they brought me on some of their old school music fans that Oh school Oh swampy back when we sang real music that last long how long's a song now anybody how long's a new song two and a half minutes hey my right maybe a little shorter they quit which to y'all that's it songs over put on some of that Earth Wind and Fire some of that Frankie Beverly and maze like it it's all just the last 60 minutes hey buddies that same book yeah yeah yeah yeah we're gonna get it together leave the concert like I'm getting my life together then brainwash me my old school fan oh it's cool hip-hop fan with a old-school hip-hop a PMP yeah Public Enemy hip-hop was freely at one time rappers didn't even cuss we were at everybody's rap like this come on everybody come on yeah everybody everybody everybody lyrics is friendly I'm going to the store coming over and doing my chores nice some of these dudes kill you now so the song start don't they pop pop everybody better drop pop eight people be in the first verse will happen to the world man I'm gonna tell y'all what happened if I got stayed at home and start watching these court shows there's a hundred court shows on TV ain't nobody learn nothing but the law everybody just watched what a great math and fans that Greg Master standing out yeah that's my man but Greg Mathis is get up well he'll care what do you say once i murder Graham have to say ma'am you know that's some crackhead [ __ ] ma'am you know that that was a dope fiend move ma'am don't feign moves he's a judge or a pimp judge dude you don't even let you talk that's the meanest [ __ ] on TV why are you here explain yourself I moved my car and I came up shut up sit down and shut up you like dinner with a Justice [ __ ] what happened Judge Joe Brown how can he talk so slow you mean to tell me I moved into the house in January and didn't pay rent until October when the hell was you doing between Luther King the judge come on man you better get it together get your courtroom take out my technology change TV changed everything then we depending on cell phones now these phones gotta stop me I promise you they got us tweeting and texting them you never woke up out of million sleep just to see him somebody text you yeah okay I'm gonna rest now whose phones got a shout out they got that's you know what your batteries that be you can watch it man you think it's a Heil it my fault better back at her UTI get some time she don't put me on that stand it try trickier phone I got eight seconds let me power on hey look my phone by the back gonna read say don't put me a home up the [ __ ] it's got so bad now you asked anybody for a charge you walk out she got charged for this phone they gonna get charged for this phone yeah the flat winner USP that one so put anything your phone okay let me see your phone I might have a charter for this see this try to put a Playstation cord in your father you got the old one and I'm gonna say this to [ __ ] out into anybody you know still five minutes go outside right now and shoot yourself in the foot they call me all day well you better know minutes what how old are you man proxy you love your phone I'm gonna tell you how you really love your phone lose this [ __ ] yeah everybody eight people just check they [ __ ] [ __ ] let me make sure I got my shots oh okay what you doing at that moment you go bang everything changes Nona hey I'm coming man I'm gonna meet y'all over there just just call me text oh [ __ ] oh ho [Applause] well sure my [ __ ] phone [Applause] call my number please oh I don't know nobody's number yes who was that gonna call nobody number by heart do you see no phone numbers with sister's number three four five nine nine two two yeah now let's my try to get your phone number hey take my number seven three four take that [ __ ] to me man the hell is wrong with you trying to make me use my brains hey guys sprit phone to it he's pretty without ya [ __ ] spring spring cut stop for a nickel you even know either you have tried to make a call your phone [ __ ] me hear this welcome to sprint for English press 1 bye that's fine Miami welcome to the stage Miami's own and one of my favorite Marvin Dixon I went to a multicultural school black white Hispanic we had a little white girl a little white dude little white girl always just roughing the class Timothy and Sam simply want to push your desk knock your book over growl your parents I'll teach you guys fail to say Timothy sit down I might call your mother he said I don't give a [ __ ] caller on the black kids backed up this [ __ ] Christ all the land kids back dem say el loco and I'm sweating you all I work office alien next period I listen to Timothy curse just mother out chief said Timothy your mother want to speak to he snatched the phone hello she's [ __ ] like mom she's [ __ ] line you're gonna believe that [ __ ] told me well [ __ ] you too right then I say Timothy a soldier so I got hi I'm in my next class teacher say mommy and sit down i'ma call your mother say Carla the teacher said let's go sit on sidewalk I want your [ __ ] hold up don't call that crazy-ass woman at my house they wonder dialing that number that black people you know be some cursing out going on but it's not on your ween its owner here but you can't let the teacher know you saw she said your mother want to speak to you I snatched that phone but I was scared as [ __ ] to put it to me she said go ahead and talk to I say hello what the [ __ ] you weren't there doing I was like huh I'm gonna beat your black ass alright bring your ass straight home okay and take your answer that crash - shut the [ __ ] up okay here she go now the bell ring you stay right down the streets in the school but that's the longest walk in the world I walk in slowest hair my friends normal time I come on Marvin walk with us you like hold on I'm thinking buy something they say come on you said hold I got some [ __ ] on my mind and I realized some that particular day of my white pants and black pants white pants do not embarrass their kids they don't bear say kids of Friday friends go I got in trouble just like Timothy and we walk past this house first and Timothy say you guys want to come inside we say you sure it's alright here come on we went inside the house Timothy mother walked downstairs say Timothy I need to talk to you when your friends leave we said that for three days she say she check now bad people that [ __ ] don't work for us cuz we're not cool calm and collective like Timothy you know we have that stutter cry and you over got your aunt's whip so bad you want passion my maroon so she could see how bad she beat you you walk back to my did you look at like they [ __ ] go help women ruin the world another way you do when you make love to you win could you think about it we're gonna rule the world but sometimes y'all have the misconception of thinking the wrong thing we're gonna do when she making love to a man because she took the dick why he was on top she could take the dick from the back no no no ladies that's why it's called missionary missionary means straight up the way I supposed to be his penis angles your canal anger that's the way it's [ __ ] me but we turn you over ladies the circumference of your body changes cuz we flip you over we toot your ass up arch your back down and point your hey now your body is going in three symmetrical directions and we turn you over you thinking you know they can take it and me and no dick come in three sizes leaves it comes in hard it comes in salt and it comes in Kandahar you have the heart to y'all little rock hard but we mean no we still got an inch to an inch and a half left but y'all turn Charlie us over to fans and didn't wait for the rest of it to get up there you turn over cuz women every woman here know how much dick her body can take cover you turn over she turned around out of time did his point two seconds she looked like crickets that ain't [ __ ] I can handle it and also when you stick it in when they can't take it all y'all do the same thing you think I don't know so just sticking it they trying to drop down and they think we gonna stop they drop what we do we drop right when I asked she you can't take this [ __ ] she look at my whole lot moon Oh goddamn hand go take this did you think about the baby as a man made little you so good half your body was on the bed and the other half was falling off and you thought he was gonna stop she what'd he do he reposition it she don't give a damn about your head trying to make excuses up I love it man bye applause how many you want by applause over 30 clap you over 30 cool now how many under 3000 tweener rough life [ __ ] how do you play 29 let me ask you some you live by yourself me only with your mom no more man you live with your mother you live by yourself you live with your mama right cool I like that you work I like that better you work I like that mo better but let me ask you something you pushing you you push yes you're like a man this ain't no field trip goddamn it do I you push I ain't speaking Spanish do you eat [ __ ] yes or no look at the women they wanna know I know you put sangani man see that [ __ ] that's in your characteristics got Goodman Caucasian coochie the right line the laughs gonna tell you something do you eat all [ __ ] Oh [ __ ] you know see you young eat all puss that's right uncle Marvin telling eat all [ __ ] which is like a restaurant you know you like McDonald Street try Burger King don't listen to young ass friend he'll mislead you I miss gotta tell you you don't need everybody pushing if they do you gotta test it you got a kiss on a real between the lids turn to the side if it don't smell right don't eat it that's [ __ ] you don't know what she went through to get to your ass you might live way up in North goddamn man she drove from South Miami in this hot-ass Florida Sun going through the Turnpike and [ __ ] paying tolls a co-ed she got no son pass so she got gonna answer the line and wait did she get the up goddamn apartment you're on the third [ __ ] floor she got a parkway out walk up there and sweat like here damn right she gonna sweat a little bit that's called seasoning salt trying to educate you I'm gonna tell you the 30 and up way to test so you do tester but I'm gonna tell you the 30 or not way first of all I want to come that far to see you compliment her and thank her for coming that far once you get there you know I'm for something to drink and eat never get comfortable when she get relaxed chill with her for a minute small talk taken aback kiss on it yellow kissing in there go a little low lick on the nipples you lick one nipple play with one lick one nipple play with one never leave one unoccupied go down a little lower start kissing her inner thigh that's a sensitive point for all women make sure you put moisturizer on your lips because I hate shopping lips on their legs so you start kissing up this departure don't get lost take your finger listen my boy take your finger go to the second line the second line cuz you young [ __ ] be like ah trying to kill a girl yo knuckle hitting that bone that [ __ ] hurt a woman is sensitive she's supposed to be caressed take your finger go to the second line turn your [ __ ] three times clockwise and then three times counterclockwise by that time she good in wet take your finger out and stick it in her mouth then she don't eat that [ __ ] you don't eat that [ __ ] about this [ __ ] man [Applause] Queens New York go an RV a me this is nice comedy and porno stars King you're better than that anybody want that porno star girlfriend don't we guys you know that porno star girl from the one with yeah you're banging the [ __ ] out of her right you're like bad you killing it right then I know you waited bust your nut and she's like it's not like that in real life is it guys did you just don't even think about putting that [ __ ] on me right like I was with this girl a few months ago around with I was killing it was like that ya know condom me the [ __ ] dirtbag [ __ ] I'll go to the clinic on Wednesday [ __ ] it I was like back pack that there's a Raider nut I'm like all right it really was that was it I don't know why she was like this like it was battery acid or some [ __ ] so I was like I'm sorry so I wiped it off smacked in the [ __ ] face with it what do you mean getting it off so one of the single ladies I knew single ladies here tonight a new single ladies really that's it so you're trying to tell me I shaved my [ __ ] for no [ __ ] reason tonight what were you trying to tell me right now cuz you gotta shave your [ __ ] fellas you gotta shave it cuz here hides a lot of inches just letting you know my [ __ ] is beautiful shade uncut long delicious my [ __ ] looks like an infant's arm run a mitten got noses and ladies it's 2012 y'all better shave your [ __ ] too cuz if I take you home tonight and you got here I'm gonna throw you the [ __ ] out my house cuz some of y'all like oh [ __ ] the show starts today you just ran the [ __ ] out the house only shave one side of your [ __ ] then ask the girl I'll end up with tonight she like was all baby what you want 2012 or 1986 cuz nobody shave this [ __ ] back in 86 but you know what I hate ladies is why hey guy did y'all be shaving this [ __ ] but y'all don't be shaving this [ __ ] right here shaving again tonight when I bend the girl over now no easy [ __ ] is nasty I was at the lighting Club right the line codes in New York all [ __ ] up like one time I was there and you know there was a [ __ ] there I was like you know I told my friend my girl look at the major she look good she don't have that [ __ ] you know that [ __ ] face she looks you the regular beautiful girl she had a little body with the fat ass who knows big guy like that pamper ass seal he knows like right they got those little stubby legs I should look like a like a pork shoulder or some [ __ ] you don't say they say I started dancing early and I was like I want to [ __ ] the [ __ ] out the [ __ ] cuz I got a nice big dick you know I mean because could you imagine that little hand my big would look like a thermos so let's say you want me to buy you a drink so that guy wanted Jack and Coke shoot like this took it back to the house and [ __ ] we start making out on the couch grab the titty and I think what every guy does with his dick Todd I got mad hard I took it out look what you did to me huh look what you did my dick was so hard that my head was shiny you don't say like I looked down I saw the reflection of my eyebrows so I say kiss check out watch on my kiss it what the [ __ ] was that it's like you tell me to kiss them like all right get in there she's like I but you better let me know when you're gonna come and from what you heard tonight you know I'm a gentleman I tap you in your [ __ ] head so she starts going around I'm like [Music] I don't know what she's like where her bathroom I go watch your no English a get tapas and okey all right guys it's time thank you so much money without going there will be pretty blue in another one Miami give it up for Sean Morgan [Applause] don't hurt that oh I don't like that my only one don't like new music like I'm own school I like old people like to pop any Tupac class I like to pop because you ain't really know how to feel listening to to pop you ain't know what it kills somebody kill yourself say [ __ ] a [ __ ] tell her keep her head up or call your mama it's all the same album you're gonna go do a dry bag dear mama come on you turned in the tray off boys in the hood like yo dough let me out they should've been there in the first place homie I can't [ __ ] with new music new music instantly turned me old like I knew I was getting old cuz I was dating a little young chick and she put some walk up with over to [ __ ] like real [ __ ] she cut this [ __ ] on and she turned it up loud I instantly turned it to my mother like can you please cut that [ __ ] down please killing some nice-looking ladies in the audience single ladies clap clap single item stop clapping mostly out too young for me I don't deal with child young women to be on [ __ ] they say [ __ ] that don't mean stuff like I had a young girl gonna tell me she ain't want to give me no person cuz she didn't know me never know me I'm gonna tell you my deepest darkest secrets - [ __ ] you I mean what time you think you got I'm gonna tell you I'm scared of spiders this is some [ __ ] that's gonna come out one day you're gonna buy you spider killer [ __ ] you killing me hot behind ladies notice if a man gonna leave you after you [ __ ] you he's gonna leave you at these lucky that's why I like [ __ ] with older women they would sleep with you on the first day why because they grown they contend with in themselves and they really don't give a [ __ ] if you call them or not like calling them the next day as a bonus that you you can't even look at they found like oh how sweet he called I just came here from Atlanta and I ain't got no problem with gay people but like what the [ __ ] in Atlanta that [ __ ] is out of [ __ ] control we are the minority if you're Amanda like vagina you are the minority in Atlanta I'll understand the [ __ ] I don't get gay from this perspective like you ever seen a gay couple and it's like a dude and some feminine dude like if you gave shouldn't you want the manliest [ __ ] kind of guy you should want like some lumberjack like plaid shirt tree cutting down must be [ __ ] that should be who you want how the [ __ ] you want to do it in leggings that [ __ ] I'll forget that you ever seen the lesbians they even call it a lesbians they got a name for the skirt that's some [ __ ] [ __ ] dude look like one I'm the only one to show this way I don't get that [ __ ] I don't even understand how they meet there gotta be some awkward [ __ ] like do gay guys talk at the club like straight guys that got to be some funny [ __ ] - gate dudes walking to a gay club like there's a bunch of dudes in this [ __ ] [ __ ] wall pair dude pick a cell nothing to go holla at them you ain't gonna get his number I betcha I get is now mama [ __ ] in the weave which one bad you wanna go trying to buy him a drink hey you want a beer or some [ __ ] that's a weird [ __ ] right I don't get the sex part either what the [ __ ] is that about like the one thing I like about vagina after you finish having sex you can just chill lay down [ __ ] dry out you good you can't do that gay you can't just lay there after you deployed oh [ __ ] out somebody asks you don't go wash up you can't just you can't just chill with you can't tell what man on you I don't get it because I think if you a man there like that you arrogant I like vagina cuz I ain't got one when we got more holes to me like two women that's some awesome [ __ ] I love that I even watch like women on women porn that's the best [ __ ] in the world cuz I appreciate the woman body I do like any uh breast me in here besides myself you can clap for that I look like some people like ass I like breasts and people ask me why and I said because I don't plan on sucking her ass and I like breasts because breasts will appreciate your efforts if you hit the [ __ ] on the right rhythm yo tip them titties gonna let you know you're doing a good job cuz after a while no [ __ ] gonna be like good job you are really smash ladies please learn to reciprocate without an attitude I got time to eating yoga China and then when it's time for me to get my dick sucked you got attitude that that really bothers me fellas know what I'm talking about you'd be down there for a half hour then you're getting the I want my dick sucked pose every man know what that is when you put your hands over your hair like you under arrest this the only time me like being like this when you better get his big side I don't know why we do this we'd be like Oh anyone touch this business huh I hate when women get the attitude problem when it's my turn you get I had a chick you had so much attitude first I hate that huff and puff [ __ ] we gettin in city she's gonna suck my dick with her elbow and my stomach like she's studying the Sun it's been sucking my dick like she uh on the Michael Jackson Thriller album covers it [ __ ] let me know when you finish off [ __ ] let me know you was wet ain't the police on fire warning shots finish the job got none fellas next time a woman do that [ __ ] tell you when you from the comm [ __ ] [ __ ] with her in the same way that it [ __ ] with you take her shopping right before you get to the mall at the department store just turn around and go to [ __ ] back to the crib you like that's how the [ __ ] out there goodness women don't like that [ __ ] that's funny all right I'm gonna get the [ __ ] out of here Shawn would represent shot down I let you boy give it up what Darius Bradford [Applause] hear about it washed up make some noise night man stop cuz you too big to be washing up [ __ ] you gonna wash up and you an adult trying to pick what's funky how you gonna pick what's funky wash it behind your neck under your arms what if the middle your back is was funky today I can't stay at a pretty funky [ __ ] that ain't sexy look all the pretty funky [ __ ] on hush get your [ __ ] together walking around here sexy as a [ __ ] in Miami what a sexy ladies there y'all need to cut something the [ __ ] out cuz you're getting outrageous down here wearing a little bit of nothing I saw a girl in the club last night with some jeans and her puts it on the outside of the [ __ ] getting ridiculous y'all gonna get [ __ ] up around here being freaked Nance they're just straight Nance trying not to take money for [ __ ] yeah I said it y'all supposed to be so help and I don't nobody wanna take no money for [ __ ] that's it [ __ ] irresponsible yo [ __ ] cut off and your car no dude and you're gonna pass up on some money oh there's some little [ __ ] I offer you five runnin for your [ __ ] you tell me you ain't no hoe you won't get down like that but I could get your transmission fixed for 250 and you [ __ ] me all night take the 500 your alternator might go bad [ __ ] around with you I hate petty [ __ ] I hate girls that don't play the rules right you have to play the rules when I text you and say hey what's up just text back nothing don't text back and why you ain't context meter that's a conversation don't text me and we all text [ __ ] don't if I want to talk I would have pushed all the buttons we gonna hang out on the text I'll text like that [ __ ] around with you man hear about it broke the [ __ ] around here y'all don't put the price of [ __ ] way too high getting chick [ __ ] you ain't got no business getting them [ __ ] the market up [ __ ] you going back to buy their car I can't buy no [ __ ] no car I do regular [ __ ] I show up with about 11 cancers for breeze or a damn a bed in the back i buy the girl a [ __ ] $78 pillow that's the type of [ __ ] I get cuz I believe if you take care of chick hand she'll take care of yours don't sleep on me lay your head on my pillow and you sexy you single just take it it's okay what you bad about rope I hate broke-ass people that's too damn happy you go over broke [ __ ] house Oh what we doing one [ __ ] none [ __ ] you ain't got nothing on it ain't got time for this [ __ ] gasps too high to be swooping a broke [ __ ] you got the swoop people who could put some on the gas again I'm saying like he used to be back in the day when you could get that when you used to brag on gas like the 80s gas you can get that [ __ ] welcome to the gas station hey what's up are you doing let me see give me five on pump said she'd be like the whole five-year [ __ ] the entire 5/9 embarrassing you can't even bring up the amount of [ __ ] you get you walk up to the [ __ ] up let me see I tell you up just give me a pack of spearmint and the rest on six that [ __ ] you talk about this 474 now [ __ ] get my change don't yell out my own mind again oh yeah my [ __ ] around here I'm frightened I'm happy I'm single anybody single but you say well you can do different [ __ ] you can [ __ ] all night and just stay there whatever you want to do when you got somebody you got to wake up here in 15 [ __ ] minutes trying to decide what time you should be at home [Applause] that's irresponsible if you got somebody and you [ __ ] somebody else taking alarm clock you disrespectful [ __ ] yeah buddy front ain't nobody got no money this whole group broke white people broke too they just act like they ain't broke they just listen to techno music or like they [ __ ] [ __ ] it the same beat tan tan-tan tan tan-tan tan tan-tan tan tan-tan I saw a [ __ ] techno DJ with the same up like an album by fourteen of them damn tan tan tan tan tan tan tan get that [ __ ] tan tan tan tan tan tan tan tan [ __ ] that's the same [ __ ] man anybody smoke weed the friend did smoke weed he'll cold [ __ ] that's why I voted for him he cold we last have you seen the president stump a cigarette that's some [ __ ] presidential [ __ ] that's it ain't come here to talk to y'all about [ __ ] I've been having are you some people like I know I look good to you would you say that I'll make you get the [ __ ] up out of here look that you have to talk to people people test you I just came to hang out [ __ ] with y'all you know just little money they gave me I spent Thursday the last just damn near free show y'all in the house give it up for comedy after dark Our Lady Trina roller everybody just sit back you're gonna continue this is beginning of something epic comedy after dark I'm there as Brad Pitt [ __ ] it Miami make some noise for my favorite Miami the home of Rick Ross Rick Ross fans of the hot red Ross big breathing [ __ ] I'm not scared of Rick Ross what you gonna do get big meet you Larry Hoover then [ __ ] the laptop man [ __ ] us I love Miami I love your big little girl fight back or you hear block block block block block block block block she put I don't care black line I love me some black black blocks 200 pounds black blob 300 but I buy I pull from that boom boom I take a three of them black block backed by that boom I want to start a fire but I forgot the only thing I'll screengrab to do for me and showed me where the big girl is head when I get the [ __ ] out my face you skit him when I forgot you can wear your bra backwards get the [ __ ] out of here right now leave and get me some black black by that by that boob grab the skinny girl got that echo in there coochie like there's nothing in it that's gonna go what is that noise put some cookies in them when I pop out noise your coochie the [ __ ] hungry please stop it big girls got everything in there coochie flat black macaroni cheese black black fried chicken black black baked chicken black black other [ __ ] how did you get the [ __ ] on my blah blah but doesn't you don't know me I'm originally from Ghana West Africa West Side when I [ __ ] us they got eggs and I forgot it on quick walk this [ __ ] right here come come look at the time you see that [ __ ] [ __ ] last when I forgot because you're about to die you ain't gonna advocacy telling us in the dashiki doing this [ __ ] run for your life you're about to die a mother always ask mrs. your I'm thinking while your name Michael Blackson whatever the [ __ ] happened when I went to immigration is the worst your name - my name is go job give a time I forgot they said we can't pronounce that she won't call you Michael black son cuz she's black son I thought give a [ __ ] what you called me just let me in when I forgot I'm gonna eat some chicken and I want some black black black cuz everybody wants to come to America and I was a little kidding I forgot watch TV I'm Atkins look so happy a nice I came yeah yeah but I put up with me and [ __ ] now call me every I freakin name in the book you lose Tarzan touch that was white but I put eyes they got caught me every dark-skinned name black eyes make my top baby Knight Rider dark Vador midnight train to Georgia one time this new guy called me under the bed I said what the [ __ ] did you just call me did you call me under the bed [Applause] have you look under the bed lately in the daytime and at night time that bit of time and it's scary are you calling me a spook you gonna talk about every time I go outside three nights and weekends kicks in [ __ ] you are you calling me spring kiss my eyes what the [ __ ] am i doing to you you gonna tell me every time you look at me he got sleepy are you serious what the [ __ ] is your problem tell me I got a Master degree in hide-and-seek seriously you African be part of in Africa so what you been in this country 30 years driving a taxi don't know where the [ __ ] y'all going you can't have a big dick and all directions I'm saying that [ __ ] cuz I'm African I'm proud I been that Mike over 20 years and I refused to be a citizen okay everyone let me be a citizen [ __ ] goddamn you have to pass the test the biggest part of the test is known the star-spangled banner every year I going in I [ __ ] that [ __ ] up I came so close why she asked like oh say can't you see father steinlight be light what so proudly we had as the Starlight / claiming to disperse perilous fight what's the random we ran as the moon then the raucous Wakeley that bursts through the air gifts poof to my lies let my stars were still there oh say does that star-spangled and up the famiiy after dark they get to see the dark and they got this darkness focusing right here in the world family after dark is almost to be comedy before dark we should not be performing after dark I have a brother and he's one of the funniest human beings I've ever met in my life I think that's kind of why I love comedy so much because he's I just wish the world wouldn't charge me for [ __ ] if you don't if I can give you whatever the hell I want just walk in there and get it I don't need no damn money I just want to be able to say I want that right there I'm on fire but I will totally direct one ladies I would say we should do it together if you're gonna do a sexy make it please make it sexy sexy nice to meet you Cirque du Soleil you know yeah you wanna dress while you know whatever they agree you want to be like maneuvering all kinds of balls yeah and they're like a little [ __ ] comes and handle you the condos and then I'm on something give me something new look at me all bunny I was liking when I got hit look at me there once again redefines comedy the dark [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] you

Channel: Walter Latham Comedy

Views: 1,604,019

Rating: 4.5569763 out of 5

Keywords: black comedy, funny videos, stand up comedy, relationships, black lives matter, Kevin Hart, Mike Epps, Eddie Murphy, SNL, Comedy Central, BET, Tyler Perry, Drake, Rhianna, Beyonce, Future, hilarious, Chris Rock, Martin Lawrence, Richard Pryor, comedy, trina, jenna jameson, rosa acosta

Id: f-lGe77mCh0

Length: 60min 2sec (3602 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 01 2016