Cedric The Entertainer's Starting Line Up Starring Lil Duval (Comedy Special)

the call came down from one of the original Jews of comedy look out be funny or take your ass home thousands responded but few were chosen their heart both funny outright hysterical they descended on this stage this people one reason make you glad come to the stage Cedric the Entertainer and the starting line [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] but ma'am in a snail well so could be while y'all do a mine [Applause] folks looking good everybody was so loose drop polls over what's going on my everybody um they're gonna notice the move just a little right there's TM with show my baby that's right all my Lakers is in here tonight beautiful no I know you like a play cousin you know I do know I love you like your mom or best friend kids play cuz the show man y'all lookin good out here tonight y'all gonna appreciate everybody coming we gonna do some hot things tonight I'm introducing the starting lineup a comedy that's what I'm doing here I'm gonna have a good time with y'all tonight but I'm bringing out some of the hottest young guns and comedy introducing them to y'all so y'all gonna have a good time sit back see who's next we're gonna have a great time here and I'm gonna do my pill see I'm doing my thing yo he worry about me though he were [Applause] you know people can't say words really don't even wear everybody don't even really worry about me no you can't say that word gonna change good man everybody look good mm see I see a lot of white people in the house how y'all doing man never mind get my new fan don't numbered like people from the bird like you're my folks right there I love you think I wrote to it maybe like what you want more for over I like Merce night bar goddamn I love waking you up but you go ahead you say who goddamn beer bonging squirt older I can't laugh that doesn't sit idly just echoes money [Music] ain't done man is nice is this still warm down here this time of year to my Mississippi get hot - I'll get some other kind of hot I was down here in the summertime whoo this is so hot I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was on the inside he needs a man condition good one man that's I to envy that's what I call that after six hot are you gonna do [ __ ] tap to six mom be like want me to came on my mom we'd be way ground six I ain't got my head working my ain't working can't get you out there then I can't get you out there foot in [Music] people thought I'll ball here for a long time in it always wear heads yeah no that's that's good not ever seen this family that's family right there see that the kids folk right there everybody in my family got one name right there look at it come across the camera get that right there yeah see that that's how I know you still keying to me you got one hell yeah I'm Curtis I'll be like let me see your head let me see you here kinfolk look at them they're my family right there let me see you here dog show them here right there that kids [ __ ] right there cuz that's Keith what's up Keith you know my people my y'all doing man you know your time running out black folk y'all know you running out that's all I'm saying Oh y'all got them flags on your car you pay insurance [Applause] ride around suspended license and [ __ ] ain't pay no damn child support got both flags or you ride different Road I'm a patriot I'm a patriot I'm down you know that ain't right what we living in some wild times right now you can't do nothin man security is everywhere though I like the grocery store stop your ass trying to lead like Danny peaches dog leaving about peace and quiet time to to have that look dumbass little president we got I know I mean under candid George W Bush and the W stand for what y'all got starts yelling me [ __ ] man George W mine ain't just saying I can't y'all know our president was was black folk we like field clean that was out dude [Applause] everything is thing is we're not really sure what Beals politics was we will have no idea what the hell Beale believed in none of that we like meals because bill did excuse expression [ __ ] you know you made a saxophone smoking the weed and [Applause] [Music] got a couple of holes and we need stolen furniture out the White House [Music] [Applause] [ __ ] that's for it if they keep them not this building right now I'd be like I bet I take the stool somebody that [ __ ] made sense to us man when he took their furniture I was like you up yup take some furniture they any mood to Harlem let me further know building revealed its true self it's gonna be a couple of years he's gonna let anything kind of calm down a little bit cool out then he gonna reveal his true self gonna be like episode of Scooby Doo just gonna rip his mask off to be Kurtis blow up under the car puts in between everybody like damn I wonder where Kurtis Blow been all this time it'd been president I'd like Bush Bush goes Bush come from Texas to Texas Texas Texas cool state but do you know they got that death penalty down their mind they get rid of you down to Texas and I'm a little bit different about the death penalty sometime before sometimes I guess I don't really know I mean I feel like if you you killed much little kids or something you need that next day you know like a boy's name Harold how you doing come on have a seat but you know the you know I don't go like that it take a long time for the death penalty people be forgetting what the hell they did maybe arguing with your head with it's time to die you gotta think about it you don't want to get no whooping for no [ __ ] you deal when you was 11 maybe ten years later they'd be just now executing people they'd be like oh man y'all trying to kill me for that man I don't even like that no mo man right plus the methods too easy you know it's too civil you know they got all you know electric chair and gas chamber lethal injection it's also civil you know I feel if you do something like that where you gotta be sentenced to death you need to know that your aunt died they need to go back to medieval times you need to be sinners to Deveny you got a walk through middle of town and somebody just yell out you got to think about it that's a hard-ass path right there dog people get to throw rocks at you till you die what have you lived in a town with a bunch of little rocks take it take 20 30 years man [Applause] y'all boys in come on man remember the time with a major league pitcher in there just one of them two little softball league people do from the country name boat know how to make his rocks kill Bob Dole in the last hand [Applause] that ain't right that my man hadass how was your mother would some mother of a would throw a rock at me we listening to the radio man ladies y'all still get them anthem songs every year y'all get a song out of yo talking baby this baby that and your lies ain't working now well we always caught up in the car just got to take it just we'll never get no get back songs man we had one this year that came out men with Joe came out with stutter that was our only kind of get back your noggin cuz you stuttering you knew the girls gonna start cuz he had mr. cornet Holling that I had watch yourself cos at the Waffle House see mr. K had me stuttering we would be even at the Waffle House was it sir mr. ko got some anger management problems man he need to deal with his in a hike [Music] mrs. Clinton is I turn to come out you gotta keep your eye Keon you can't let you I come out like that you got a deal with your inner eye everybody got a little like inside them everybody find itself to mine the enemy enemy if you die [ __ ] iqiyi did you die key I turned with crazy man whole nother level crazy right there mine I like thee looking all he looked grooves with Edith songs out and you know they getting on my nerves Doughboy it Destiny's Child you know God love them you know huh I appreciate their success but then listen survive a song about drove me crazy him cuz this sound like that's all they were saying the whole song and the survivor and don't survive yo I'm a survivor cuz I'm surviving I'll be surviving I'm go survive I thought I survived thought I wouldn't weigh my hair but I survived you thought I would okay nothing they're damn new girl like seeing a game of double dutch waiting on her turn after all you are the weakest link [Applause] [Music] hi y'all this is the starting lineup said entertainer in order for me to do this though I got to go into my mold turn it to my cat like Michael buffer since I'm in [Applause] [Music] I'd like to welcome you to the fabulous Grand Casino Hotel in Biloxi Mississippi [Applause] urban works entertainment variety entertainment in conjunction with a bird and a bear entertainment presents Cedric the Entertainer starting line ah this first comedian coming to the stage has been ripping [ __ ] up all around the country performing on the Bud Light comedy tour with Cedric the Entertainer he hails from Jacksonville Florida weighing in and an even 135 pounds soaking wet with work boots on this brother is naturally funny please welcome to the stage a member of the starting lineup Roland Wow what shall take a long enough we want to know my opinion about their mother just ABCD babies come with no taking the sheet we've been to a couple of a three goddamn [ __ ] you know they are selling what's that yeah [Music] two vowels in the house liebelei yeah what's up hey why'd y'all give it up to my man say it again man put me on there that's the real brother man I like them real man I like the most okay keep it real he puts you like he puts you like in the same hotel he unlike the rest is big name last time I was down in Biloxi I was in the I was in the arm they had thing was off in the doggone grand mark what's this thing on this ball in hotel damn in the beach mammal ain't no holder that's a halfway house lift on the girl to open the do I get the room it's a [ __ ] sleep in my bed come on coming here when I ain't no lady I don't know you i'ma do my thing and let me get the hair long ain't give me that much time I see we got a lot of people in got couples in hell I got messed with a couple cuz you always get a crazy man with a girl I'm insecure brothers you know tight brother he answers girl the question he asks it hey she's doing all right she doing all right what you want [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] gon don't this ain't what you that's what I'm diggin same way they came thinking she does what puts your hands on me there nickel put your hands on me y'all over here they can say that you put you in they flip the script any single women in there how many y'all woman here the cheap man makes me knowing y'all they don't like me then cuz I'm cheap as hell going to the mall being just like going to a museum are we doing this looking at em iron then I'm a tall guy yeah that's the socks you right there six look at the shoes just sick yeah I'm chief ain't giving the girls nothing so don't be trying to throw hints leave y'all with me Kimmy try throw hand she's going here that me up for you all right baby girl humble be my condo she had me need maybe something did I give any [ __ ] I ain't for this phone a lot of white even here Brian seen this me too I have you in a minute yeah I like this one white angle that to you I'm type of brother going the white barbershop saying anybody right now [Applause] like yeah I never heard of me boy yeah close as you take money Sammy [Applause] hey I'm eager man I did it for my people man my grandma mikromasch she kind of crazy - she funny though she wanted people that's loving his ale until she get mad then she snap on you she be snapping the hard so I'm living the bill could let me call my grandma one time she was on the phone with I will have your money as soon as that I understand well doc them and they can come round here take it from me damn [ __ ] come on [ __ ] you [ __ ] in bucket come out I'm gonna tell you what they put your hands on me [ __ ] it's over [ __ ] yeah yeah go it's up huh ain't gotta pay to be what got possession yeah I'm still glad out laughing boy it's hard to make people laugh nAPWA I could be able to set myself on fire some of y'all sticking like he was alright he disappeared nothing just cuz a brother just visually seen the person on movies and stuff yeah I'll be killing me that I was in movies I was in one movie I was in that movie baby boy y'all seen baby boy government Robert i bestow my gun and was sitting on the porch Chile I was in the house [Music] [Applause] it's a good role to help me out in life maybe they [ __ ] that's what I'm doing this and again on something that then I think I can do something I can act and all of that stuff I got range I can do thug rows and love scenes you know I'm saying all right all right what are you talking about understand yeah look if you don't do this this time it's over there is no tomorrow I don't think he's gonna make it [ __ ] oh [ __ ] Oh goddamn ass don't fit that all right this be totally like a Titanic love seen something like that there let me get a character BB joke database that's all the diversity Oh [Applause] [Music] so you looking like don't say [ __ ] to me down wit you shall never when they're killing me buy you a drink you buy my drink you look like the club they be gone well the girls did me like that before man matter of fact I did a song about it I did I want to sing for you I could save you I'm saying so I'm get the hell out of dogs I appreciate y'all this all gonna be out on dead broke records yeah my first compilation don't let me hold somethin feature they though yeah I'm sayin it ain't really got no instrument so I'm gonna teach other to collapse she goes I'm I could sing now y'all lookin at like I can say I can't sing I sound good evening I can say I sound like you think not sick okay with nobody but like when Luther saying he just gonna fall out [Music] [Applause] I know this might seem strange but let me know if I'm either although step into you this crazy I think buy you drink for a while and I just gotta let you know that [ __ ] you might [Music] give me your name and I'll leave you my number and you better call that [ __ ] today as a matter of fact you just give me your two and [ __ ] I call you it's better you [ __ ] cuz who you think you just miss ladies boo boo written on my forehead I've about them drinks gucci is my girlfriend I don't wanna hear that she thought you just came out two ever nice time Marvin just you damn did not tell you to call you try give me the wrong number and you thought you won don't see me no mo but surprise are you eating me [ __ ] last night she was digging me let me calm down here's what we're doing tonight I probably go pick up my beat and when I'm through the Navy I'm gonna swing by and then we don't cheer Oh [ __ ] you go chill with me and you're gonna be comfortable and you're gonna feel secure cuz you're with me cuz who you think you [ __ ] with you must want your [ __ ] live I've about the drinks [ __ ] you is my girlfriend [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] good and out here [Applause] this next comedian that I'm about to bring to the stage hell's from Houston Texas he has a comedy record of numerous shows and numerous standing ovations he is pound-for-pound one of the funniest Latinos in comedy ladies and gentlemen please welcome to the stage one [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] keep it going one more time for Sedgwick please give me strength again trying to get a Miskin some money and I want money man because I've been poor like for a long time I know you [ __ ] see me on BEP and I've done some [ __ ] but I'll let that [ __ ] fool you people I still got co-signers and [ __ ] my caller ID says out-of-area I don't answer that [ __ ] either broad that she says unavailable I'm unavailable to do so answer that [ __ ] and you know what's funny about being poor some people don't even know they're poor give me some people don't even know what poor is they think they're poor because they can't like travel every other year buy a bigger house or buy better jewelry or some [ __ ] that's not poor [ __ ] poor this one the light company comes to your house at night and they blow out your candles [Applause] [Applause] that's poor [ __ ] and you know what's good about being poured on you can get on food stamps now listen up [ __ ] have you ever need assistance go get it that's your money don't be ashamed to get a get your [ __ ] I was on food stamps for four years that people trying to make fun of me you're not embarrassed to say that I'm like no but your auntie Ellen [ __ ] I don't care like I was on it for four years and it's a matter of fact those are the best [ __ ] four years of my life [ __ ] I was barbecuing every weekend while you was at work now when you got boosters you spoil yourself barbecue [ __ ] you can't even afford barbecue rib eyes and sirloins and Shreves you see sausage that good kind of acreage that's $7.99 a pack you can I'm talking about that get old box a hot lead [ __ ] $1.99 for like 500 leaves for a dollar ninety-nine I'll remember them ghetto barbecues I remember the everybody's gotta put in two three dollars and you [ __ ] barbecue the same [ __ ] that big old bag of late quarters let me know right meet me a leg of the thigh leg in the tire the tire hey then then you got [ __ ] people that don't like people on food stamps my uncle's like this this [ __ ] come by at lunchtime trifocal - yummy he get off a working lunch I come to my house hey come on why not get your job let's go right now I'm in a hurry $10 an hour I'm knocking hey relax [ __ ] my dude I just woke up dude I was barbecuing late last night and [ __ ] you get me going I got a job for you got them in right now $10 an hour you want to work like we [ __ ] on my fool thing right now she'll still certify for three more months no [ __ ] that's 12 barbecue oh man you see you see I hate [ __ ] like you you're [ __ ] up our country people like you are lazy you don't want to work I work every day 20 years raining cold I'm sick I don't care I work I pay taxes for [ __ ] like you and I'm like well you know what deal your lunch break is over you better get back to your job before they fire you and you end up [ __ ] up my skin like depend on people that you [ __ ] we [ __ ] you on my stairs bro so I love white people for food fans Thank You white people you [ __ ] the started that [ __ ] thank you you know I don't pick on white people in I used to be jealous off on my first when I was younger because you know it's different [ __ ] for him like white people like you don't mean that they can do [ __ ] I mean like the Brady Bunch to me the Brady Bunch was a racist shown [ __ ] you got six white kids and that's the Brady Bunch six blacks for six Mexicans that's a game I'll be at the park right what's your name with all my brain Barbrady that's my cousin Tyrone Brady and it's cool for white people man we got to give them credit because they're like the bravest [ __ ] on the planet I mean they discover [ __ ] for us that you know mean that we benefit from and they've been [ __ ] that we don't want to do like these [ __ ] travel to the moon and fly around the Stars and but we don't want to do this [ __ ] you want to go no normal Justin pictures put in the Blair Witch Project that freaked me out they'll Blair Witch Project that's how brave they are these are the white kids went to the woods to look for a witch a bad [ __ ] this [ __ ] kills people and they weren't even scared wrong but you know me they don't even take my weapons like in case they run into her [ __ ] you want a knife or a slingshot or some maize or some [ __ ] what did they take [ __ ] cameras too like if they find her the [ __ ] is gonna do an interview or some [ __ ] under plan with me I'll kill everybody [ __ ] represent I represent that's me neither the only time you see me and my black friends in the woods that's when we're doing that [ __ ] up community service [ __ ] come through the chute right here I do this he won it out with a this bullish nothing I said right now give me a boy then you went for things wrong I've been doing this for a while the UFO thing that's a white thing black people in Mexicans we don't see UFOs and if we do we don't tell nobody get away from that [ __ ] that ain't none of our business going why do you want to go up to it and take pictures of [ __ ] put point out a bubble maybe on TV explain I don't want to see it makes you this but white people be on TV man managing the monkeys nobody believes man I swear to God that son of a bitch's flow right there three four days go around my trailer well but you know what dude I figured it out aliens don't take black people and Mexicans cuz they're scared of us wrong cuz it'll be a different story can you imagine this [ __ ] let's say the aliens came down and [ __ ] up and took the wrong black dude and the wrong Mexican like two of the baddest [ __ ] from Biloxi that that is black dude in the baddest Mexican here [ __ ] let's say Pepe Leroy and they get abducted and horses explain it to the gang hey [ __ ] but believe where they come from what do you mean bees are gone the 80s came to gone bro and you saw this [ __ ] I saw it the aliens came the little I go they're gone forever bro forever we got to get teachers role and made me bro pictures in Miami bro then man me brother gone bro you know 30 minutes later Pepe Leroy will be flying back in mmm we're fools [Applause] you're freaking out you [ __ ] stole a spaceship [ __ ] Leroy hot-wired it these hookers and ITT graduate bro they don't [ __ ] around and then you gotta ask yourself okay [ __ ] you got a spaceship are you gonna like help our scientists study the universities [ __ ] are you gonna let them fly around when I and Jena [ __ ] we can't tell people we got a UFO and [ __ ] we tell people we got a UFO and then we gotta [ __ ] by insurers and especially stickers on it [Music] like what are you gonna do beats we're gonna sell we gonna fly to Mexico pirate and just fly that [ __ ] around and that's what you do when you're poor bro you want to make that quick money that's why nothing good have to see when you're poor [ __ ] I Dream of Jeannie perfect example who got the genie the rich white dude this [ __ ] had a good job good credit a big house no kids the genies trying to give him shitty get some that no no no [ __ ] I got money can you imagine a broke-ass black dude or a broke-ass Mexican with a genie dude we would own pills that [ __ ] she drinking all day oh my god your friends come over and [ __ ] your friends come over you're like hey [ __ ] you want something please do something three weeks later the genies all pregnancy I'm gonna [ __ ] my G Mississippi runnin this won't be out [Applause] the shows right there I'm NuLu reality shows I like some of them I don't like like Temptation Island you know I don't know about that one that ain't right that's just you know you just take perfectly good couple put them on the island with a bunch of beautiful people see if you can break them up it ain't right you see they got them black people out there quick thing for the cameras came on me tear on don't try me don't try the director like God Jesus Christ wait till I call action Jesus like a man I watch these shows a lot on fear factor loud I'm doing you know you'll see black people wanna know cuz fear factor you know it could be in a pit with rats when getting no pit with no damn rats will play with rats like that survivor survivor they were eating rats come on now we just gave our port mean I can handle bacon me and I got either a chicken egg messing up our food man chicken dude y'all know dead Kentucky Fried Chicken is not real chicken this processed that's why they had to change the name to KFC this processed it is like manufactured eight nine five just coming out together just Church's Chicken y'all got Church's Chicken you know something wrong with that one last time you see damn chicken wing with arm like this [Applause] says big fool boss looking chickens just tattoos and bright you check it so big you gotta walk them around on a chain like a Rottweiler get that I got him I got him go ahead go ahead go out there don't hack stair door a scared he won't bite you he won't bite you don't run don't run and he won't bite you I got him she said them chicken loose messing up our food like that man I like our own little reality show my favorite no is Regis I like Regis I like Who Wants to Be a Millionaire and they don't have a lot of black people on that anything like we really don't want to be no meal you know when you think about it you know how blaming cuz when you really think about it we don't necessarily have to be no millionaire you know that if first it could be called who also be a thousand a as far as we can [Applause] yeah I swear I get on and we $32,000 my damn selves I'll be I read you some holiday to lay down though not go hey y'all good no I just need to get my car to shop get my baby mama look change now y'all going on with you look am I'm good you know black phobia mess that show we be out of lifelines at $200 be calling people they damn phone off so my work number of your Regis i'ma paid somebody can I pay somebody I think nobody was you got to wait let me beating you you got a to ellentube in you ain't gonna shoot I win 30 mm I'll try to cash it right there y'all can I cash this I'll leave out of it with 32,000 on me in cash right here I have 32,000 over you know I would I'll be doing regulated a life stuff I go to the barber shop be like yeah hey me up dog yeah trim that with their $12 okay right on [Applause] do be like you ain't gonna tell me I ain't got it oh sure there's a think about the casinos - boy you see some people you know there and over there they book yeah walk out the casino you see somebody with that look they just knew then just gambled way too much you see them leaving the casino with this one right here [Applause] let me hold fire I don't know you like that dog the truck man watching the news you know that little alien boy was back in the news y'all know I thought we got really really are but now then made a house a shrine or something people can go by and pay $20 to see where they are Lee over somehow oh no ridiculous as far as I'm concerned cuz you know Ellie I was here I just learned most Spanish they're not really care to he was just I mean you know I like the language Italy on every time you turn on the news if it's Americans America they're not Elian Gonzalez eons early on nearly all nearly on Gonzalez you know they wanted the little boy to go back and live with his daddy that was the whole thing want him to go back and be with his daddy go back and stay with his daddy and live with his daddy now I don't know how many y'all from broken homes like myself but let me put it to you this way don't know about one lil they damn daddy [Applause] well that ain't no gots to go together got peanut butter got no damn jelly got a bath tile I got a washcloth got one playstation control down daddy down go back with Mama oh I just want to go back with Mama I ain't never been to Cuba but it's got to be some very very very very never have hero going on in Cuba some going on and kuelen I mean any time your ass just cut a piece of drywall out throw it in the ocean and eight nine people just hop on [Applause] I want to bring this next comedian to the stage ladies and gentlemen this next comedian is coming to you direct from Memphis Tennessee he's a smooth brother with a very quick way he's known as the brother of a thousand voices and just as many personalities please put your hands together for Tony Llewellyn just got here of everything whatever you do they're gonna laugh I tell you what I wish I was a comedian tonight myself so I'm white people up in it - all right looking good white people came on out god damn it we're here we're gonna go to this funk sumbitch look like Million Man March yeah ain't no good old boys talking to a movie mouths at all and the ones you know misses right there maybe telling each other hey Bobby you going out there to attack the trailer pulling that yeah [Applause] they just be stressing waiting for trouble god I have it waiting for a rapper is longer looks it's the part of Mississippi they don't never show man you know saying they always want to go to the damn shotgun houses and [ __ ] you don't say I saw a black folk sound like slaves and [ __ ] you brother killed it says on your place you slumming little eyes here they got on the ground there huh gotta go gotta go I grew up in the country myself dang all I - you grew up my grandparents I know southern grandparents are the biggest hypochondriacs you know as a personal matter what's wrong I think you diet well my grandmother everything was cancer or gangrene y'all look kid my stomach hurt that colon can't sit here baby girl or grandparents oh man everything was death you know Mom I had heard at the brain tumor there baby what time she gave me some ex-lax one time didn't you tell him Howard just gave it to me yeah take summon him near him yeah take them all hit them all you going outside and please you feel like a little man I did not know after you took X lakhs and your stomach started bubbling that was not a good for coming up that's a real deal you know I'm a little kid just having a good ass time we go right here war was it you can't even move how many but some kids who sound like that you know I folks was a trip man but I'm growing up now you don't say that we face some problems now America's new war that's one thing they blow [ __ ] up too much here may glorify America's new war I'm saying right now this war is never gonna be over I'm serious cuz if I'm media talk too damn much weight will never catch Osama bin life ain't selling all the day I got [ __ ] mapped out like it's a damn Weather Channel all right here tomorrow approximately 12 o'clock we're gonna come from the north to Tajikistan min with the Northern Alliance and approximately in Kabul and we will smoke them out kind of all the chairs all I do is just get cable because someone put a couple of passes over back tomorrow how do you know I have sorry talking about dumping that is not a good morning romantic action you cannot get nowhere something like that so right now boy say what you want on Regan boy Regan was still in office we got attacked on the 11th with a bomb there's on the 12th ladies love lots of missiles any son of a [ __ ] he hit never but he see he opened up garage doors it's all shaking ass I see Bill Clinton see me still in office you know saying like to see how you handle the [ __ ] you know that's right feel clean wouldn't got that call you know hello this better be good they want for real both towers are you sure hold on a minute hold on hey time out time out [Applause] I'll be there in a minute let me finish it and I gotta thank y'all Tony you out on y'all page I went visiting the church and I had either bring this over real quick y'all go to church and be a visitor that's scary right there cuz you got to stand up and have words what have you got to follow that one lady that's been out traveling you know the real the speech real good to the church speech she ain't got up right in front of you telling my first of all giving honor to God pastor members and friends I come to you behalf of the greenway Missionary Baptist Church Greenway Mississippi with my revenue honorable Thessalonians our kin ke junior to third behind a big and a mall no nothing [Applause] [Music] all I know is he'll Papa language me I'm still up in the middle of the church time uh no doubt no doubt she [Applause] first of all giving Big Ups to God God give Big Ups to the big man you got to do that and REM you bout about it my mommy the quas fancy toys I hate that bad you don't see people ain't been to church in a long time they have no church etiquette whatsoever don't have no idea what to do at a church they just all up in the pub hit a player D two seats taken right here on somebody seaside and they drinking a communion wine like they're too close to anyway I told hair on my five time call me about my money right so I told them so I'm sitting around I get a call out there hold on uh sure let me get two more right here [Applause] y'all got any more them crackers them crackers all right water mm-hmm crackers is all run crackling bag [Music] [Applause] right now I was looking at little specials all the little people came I saw the specials everybody had TV specialty Jennifer Lopez had hers look JLo she's thicken and she's she's thick with it I like the light thing and blew up lately the lighting thing got hot you know all the stars and blew up you know you got Jennifer Lopez and Ricky Martin Marc Anthony Carlos Santana 187 Grammys last year I like it man it's hot - I like that music - cuz they music get hot you know they'd make you want to dance you know sometimes y'all know you know rap music don't make you wanna dance sometimes you rap music hey you lookin for people so new song come on me y'all gonna make me lose my mind you'd be like yeah I know that ain't Reggie them back there I've been spotted oh I never know what's gonna happen I make sure I can get out of there that lighting [ __ ] come on it just hit you you don't even know you don't even know you dance and it just gets me just get the feeling good just [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] yeah like she keep that [ __ ] all set no tide in tomorrow I'm a grown-ass man I could be tired [Applause] [Laughter] now I've been trying to lose a little weight I've been trying working I've been trying to work out dog I mean I'm gonna get to lose Lewton small you don't get me wrong I'm still representing a big sexy [Applause] all my big sexy partners I'm representing so you can be big so I'll just try and bring Bo League back this off all right this next comedian I'm bringing to the stage he is a Mississippi homeboy representing the silk this brother is joke for joke one of the funniest young comedians in the country he is a fool by Nature he said that he did not want to have a career of shelling peas all the way from Jackson Mississippi y'all show some love for JJ hey now I mixed quite a man this guy is proving to be one of the better fighters around in Atlanta for doing a thing bunny delivery from Mississippi [ __ ] that's the [ __ ] man right there that's the books read that damn coming [Applause] okay shut them down cuz I need out on my turn [Applause] I appreciate the few giggles y'all giving the brother because I'm tired of switching jobs in six months this year I'll try a lot of [ __ ] before I start doing comedy I try working at UPS you know thought I was gonna move up and drive the truck so they want a little skinny as I started at the bottom unload a little heavier boxes I'm and then crying and never got their thing man I'm gonna tear my little supervisee some I go get one of the belts are going around your waist I like man that [ __ ] not working my back still hurt ain't return from break one day like oh he want this check I told him I was going against the wall I was straight to the color and you know what ups they don't fight your wins it was two months later it was all on my answer machine a man on the wagon came in yet they come away that we need your weigh-in tonight now I [Applause] appreciate the few giggles cuz when I look back on my life a brother like me could not depend on school for no job I was a dumb [ __ ] then I kept some news on my report card I know Asus you know my downfall was in school I used to love the Chi down my [ __ ] I used to cheat so much I used to write the person I'm chief from name on my paper it'd be to fix degrees and I'll be like one of the mind yeah the one with the big head right here that's mine right there and I never paid attention in class I always kept a coming book in my book and sometime the teacher she'd be wanting you to read out loud but she's never picked me so I said [ __ ] I keep her coming book one day she picked mine she like Jeremiah pick up where she left off I was like god damn I don't know what the hell weird cuz I know if I move this coming book I'm going straight to the office and the teacher got mad time out you better read something I like okay [Music] don't go on that Batman it's the Joker if I could only reach my utility belts [Applause] [Music] how much meanwhile back at the Batcave [Applause] I appreciate these few goodies y'all getting a brother y'all packed up in here the night boy just look like leaning on me look like we bout to take the test I appreciate these few giggles boy y'all getting y'all drinking I can't drink while I'm on stage I might [ __ ] around and drink my chick up my first time doing coming you know I thought drinks for free I was in Houston I drunk my little chick up they called me the back and shook my hand and let me go I like I be damned that's why I'm enjoying my goddamn like it's too much violence going on in the world the day night we're taking this [ __ ] too far now we see dead dogs already dead in the road and we're still running over their ass that's some [ __ ] right there the dogs already be laying in row [ __ ] up we don't give a damn whoo to me that dogs are ready to get up and run that car down they be like that did you already see how I was looking [Applause] now pull over linking my right front leg from up on your [ __ ] take me back where I was my oh I went laying like that [Applause] twist my hair back around goddamn him pull all that back up pull all that back out I appreciate if you get a job given the Brother house where single women I'm off the market now y'all missed out on my I got me somebody now I'm finally found me a good goddamn one cuz y'all women you y'all need to lower your standards just a little bit damn this balling [ __ ] going to goddamn fire Yahweh looking for a brother let's go spend some money if you're looking for somebody like that don't holler at me I know how to save money I pay for a concert in pennies unwrapped I'll give a damn how long the line is I'll go straight to the ticket we be like hold on one two three four five [Music] eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen how much you say 8550 why will 13 to 14 Abby god damn close to being line Manuel come help me put them in thighs in [Applause] [Music] and I'm a super brother lanes I do not ask for a lighter one is just simple [ __ ] like don't be lazy I hate a lazy ass woman I'm I read ladies you're gonna get that to be here before me and I love a woman that can cook that turns me the [ __ ] home right there you can get me if you can cook but don't be no lazy cook though you know like make some rice don't feel like making no grave that's the lazy ass runner right now I'd be mad as hell baby rice and gravy real quick please I'm select with all these damn mother my rice make some goddamn bread and if I need me a woman to get kids if you got kids that's cool I can respect that that just me man you've not gonna have none you ain't got no kids guess what we ain't gonna have none should I got my tools to hug at dinner cuz there's a few women in the world be having too many damn babies at one time I don't know what this [ __ ] is I read in the paper one time and woman in Dallas she has seven kids phobar three girl I like god damn that couldn't have been me board up got my girl I would have been at the hospital mad as hell doctor come out to my girls just had seven babies I got seven cigarette crime I my Bobby guys [Applause] let me hit this one one more goddamn time I'll be walking around the hospital with my hair straight down Toby patting me all on my back to my congratulations I'll play man Gong not happy right now [ __ ] cuz you know soon the baby to be born you know they take them to little room so you can go to the wind and play with him now folks be y'all let the wintertime I look at him he looks so cute look at him not me I found I got seven babies I'm leaning on the one that like I be god damn I got all he got damn baby ten-four take ality he got there Venice I go right in my girl room I go right in the room and sit right beside I'd be like hey you want to wake up [Applause] you know using handsome goddamn bangs [Applause] all the baby be mine I know joy it's what I made a like that [Applause] well this will we don't have to do the end we don't keep let you pick up the two you won't but the rest of they want to stay here we're for them right now [Applause] all the baby can be mine [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: InfamousAllegiance

Views: 4,540,975

Keywords: Funny, Humor, Special, Cedric The Entertainer (TV Producer), Roland Powell (Blogger), Stand-up Comedy (TV Genre), lil duval, comic, comedian, actor, 2015, official video, marlon wayans, new, starting line up, humour, american, dave chappelle, a haunted house, mike epps, katt williams, barbershop, ice cube, the soul man, real husbands of hollywood, kevin hart

Id: uNShzqUWcnU

Length: 67min 22sec (4042 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 15 2015