Church Jokes

now again you're not sweating all the time in our show looking pretty over that girl I felt thank watch yourself I'm watching you huh you mean you got to have a Baba little seat [Laughter] [Applause] I'm talking up your Bibles for Jesus in the seat belt just to hold on you know [Applause] out there I gotta let another billion go get it now girl I can't do metal it'll go [Applause] [Music] you know I missed Rio with a Perl I I mean for your free reading god she look like the type of lady show up at everybody's room and don't nobody knows here but she just be fresh how you doing baby yes you will yes you ill put my people at the black church lies it in any choir every choir got that one person into think they they just a bomb think the choir would not exist that they wasn't any with them am i right about it what is that you know you can tell what that person is too cuz they chant shake every time they same [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] I think but why is it that when white people saying you know it always sound everything they sing sound like a country song why did Gore's got to go in and out like that what is it put your hand in the an of a man steal and Calma see and take a look at yourself another you might sleep in the man from the gas [Music] we've got to get more into our churches - man I'm serious man we got to start going back to church - we've got inside out number one right here and you know our churches have changed I'm serious man our churches have changed because you remember it back in the day if you ain't had no money you can go right to the often plain just tap it and you be cool god bless and that was it I tried that the other day at this Baptist Church right I tapped a plate right dude caught me in the parking lot after church tapped me on my shoulder but you're gonna get something and say hey plan on then he said something that scared me you know I ain't been save all my life I was like here go down and go $50 and he didn't give he's a pastor he didn't give even and in our church as we get into our church but it seemed like when you when you go to a white churches you you know if you're trying to catch the football game you better go to a white church I'm alright cuz they let out right on time black churches our black churches we don't understand what the preachers saying half the time cuz I got this little thing right it sound like a dog right you know they got that [Music] [Applause] Church is off the chain and I come to find out - man everybody ain't honest everybody honest I went to a church right and a lady she was going around for offering and she dropped one hundred dollar bill this one hundred I would be a real hundred dollar bill look at her you like you from Liberty City look like you want to run up here get kicked right in the face go go and and the money was in the club right it was a hundred dollar bill right I saw the club scene then I saw the church scene right $100 bills laying on a church flow everybody ain't on us you see that and it was a ghetto lady in church - she was all mad right she was sitting now I know they know huh bill over there I'm on Section eight - that could pay rent for all of us [Music] [Applause] and they say you know I can't get over the fact that I just got to let y'all know about this situation y'all I've been trying to avoid it as much as I can but they had a write-up in one of the national newspapers that goes around the country and it bothered me dear to my heart but they talked about how Negroes ain't no sense in us trying to hide it we lie all the time they try to talk about how Negros lie and I was reading I started to be very embarrassed man but I started reading at arena I said you know what I understand where they coming from and they gave us a story that went on and let me know about how Negroes lie and they went through the store and they were saying that that was a man who was on his way from one city to another one and it was raining real hard and as it was raining the brother couldn't even see no more he couldn't see sort of brother pull over on the side of the road and he said to himself I tell you whether I'm gonna wait here about a hour and hopefully the rain or die down and I can move on my way to the next city but it began to rain even hard and as it began to rain the brother began to panic he said well ain't no sense in me sitting out here in the car well somebody slide off the road and run into me they say I tell you what he looked across the way and saw a light it had to be about a quarter or half a mile away and he looked at the light he said okay what let me let me going on over there to that house man and maybe don't focal at me maybe they let me come in and sleep in that garage until the rain died down and I can get up in the morning and be on my way so the brother got out walking and went on over to the house and knocked on the door and a brother incident though he said yo what's up man he said look here brother it's raining so hard he said it's so raining hauled so hard man brother I can't see no more is it alright if I come on in to maybe sleeping your garage till the rain died down he said I tell you what brother come on in man you all right take this here take this key right here man and go downstairs and get in number six you saying going on down there sleep man I wake you up in the moist a number six all right so the brother went downstairs and got now instead of camera right back up stale he said man is that a funeral he said yeah that's a funeral home brother Bolivia man i sleeping them all the time he said man they sleep good he said going on do your business baby and the brother looked outside and he saw the rain coming down man he took the key and he went downstairs and he got in number six and the next thing you know that brother was sleeping like a baby now check this out y'all as the brother began to drift off and sleep the man upstairs that was working at the funeral home got a phone call he got a phone call from his wife at the house he said hey baby y'all busy tonight he said no baby we kind of slowed at night she got to talking that good loving like most women do she said won't you come on home I'll let mama for a minute brother got to thinking about his Co I tell you why I got to be back here by 8:30 in the morning I'm gonna come on down baby brother hung up the phone like the feeling a home up ran home to his wife made some good loving and like most men do he would sleep five minutes later brother fell asleep when he woke up in the morning y'all it was 9:30 he looked at the clock said oh man she said what's wrong baby you're gonna lose your job no baby but I got to get back to the funeral home look here J Carter be there by now call Jake and tell Jake I'm on my way brother ran off to the funeral home got back to the feeling home the girl had already called Jake soon as you walk in the door Jake standing right there man you've been over there hanging out with your wife again I yeah man all right everything cool I covered for you you said we're looking at man go downstairs man and wake that brother up in number six he said number six he said yeah man the brother came through last night it was raining so hard so I let him sleep him he said number six he said man we cremated that brother his mom Manny looked at him and said look at man that brother was alive he said you know what he kept saying the church here you should have that starving you had none eat all morning a picture talk here you'll give it a what he said ping off yes not turn the st. Matthews 2nd 21st that was 299 sure that's a communion around nothing wants you to give one little piece of crack out that trick you bought the star and then let it break juice [Applause] [Applause] go to church tap you go to church I went to church this past Sunday for the first time in four years man I let it load but sometime I just can't get up and go man you know I loved it I loved God my dad is number one in my life I love God too but those of you who are like me who loved going to church but can't get up every suddenly do it I do they got so much church on television nowadays I wake I'm ready started more to put my suit on and sit in the living room I start changing the chatter [Applause] I got a little green Stevie named Stevie and my sister for example she tried to do right thing she's Baba she's got to raise them right so okay Jeb you gotta be careful with two children watch too cuz he's seen it in his father TV you don't wanna see TV he watch out him videos he won't grow up to be a gorilla Yeah [Applause] right okay so last year I rocked through this time now he's went there mall he saw this go red red and tomorrow so he ran home told my mama I'm excited I want that the rear Anglin cuz now my sister Barbara she's trying to raise him right do right bank taking the church she's not tell you what I say let's see you upset and write a letter to Jesus tell them why you deserve that red wagon and you might give it gratis paper go offense started right dear Jesus this is theni I started a racket I really really wanted I've been very good boy this year hey thought about coming he said this letter is going to Jesus I better not laugh he tore it up he said to follow I forgot his paper grant is paying again it's alright dear Jesus this is Stevie I want the racket I really want it I've got a good body Jim they sit there for a while they thought about it didn't matter is going Jesus he went I didn't know he was that he saw everything I did hey balled up Nelson he jumped up half the door down the street about a half a block to the church on the corner when inside the church got down on his knees like this start praying now I told you is right around Christmas right and they had what's the dose singing they having all the Christmas churches Nick Tiffany thank you for everything yes metal statue gee Mary Mother Mary and the baby Jesus and the three wise man and he was like this what a nice man please gonna try he reached up grabs a little statue of Mary put his pocket ran back home busting out big grin my peasant mother you see there see where you going he went right past I'm just wrong grabbed a paper kind of him said dear Jesus I got your mama I'm doing shout out to all the Jehovah's Witnesses in the house I know you're in here I know you're in here don't talk about the Lord that's a tough religion man going from door to door having people slam the dam doing your face okay thank you by the Lord push the one they're just holding magazines up you'll see nine [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] I don't run a damn thing we went free something I wouldn't be in here write down got one thing to say this is my opinion I think dead people should be able to talk out of fear I'm serious because black people say crazy things out of feeling am i right oh my aren't bad oh we go to a funeral we go view the body oh no I wanna go I wanna go save me asleep man I take my art to the funeral with me she didn't even know the guy you know what I'm sayin you know you go view the body you know what I'm sayin we get around that she'll and I wanna go I wanna go I did push them hey don't you push me number you pay too much job see me such a bad daddy okay people kill me relatives of some man anybody he'd go to church y'all go to church y'all don't know what the Deacon praying by be praying about something he just be talking haha [Music] yeah [Music] you don't know like your grabber i'ma get home so I don't know what he prayed about but he prayed you hit me y'all go to church the preacher take off by 14 offerings and every time you say something my son letting you think it's time to pray we need to take up another offer their Bible drop the head really drop the hands are they talking to each other how many offerings is he gonna take and you grab my more bad do you know your grandmama can slap you to church and still be clapping you've been acting oh man Turks are mentaly people speaking tongue I don't hurt him speaking Tom let me tell you I have figured out what they said I haven't in church the other day heard of lady talking speaking in tongue I'm sick my side of scared me to death jumped about I see no time I shoot I shoot you shoot boy your grandma in church to talk about everybody in there without moving a little sketchy like a ventriloquist you know what I'm saying real be preacher can see God see let me talk about that look here be leaning him out now go right to the ligature a lady my grandma I'm talking about you what she say you gonna introduce me I got nothin against ap because they never only been say loving God you know I'm saying but quit trying to save people on your telephone I called my boy house to talk to him you know what I'm saying the answer machine catch me every time his momma save to the bar I called his house just other they ass machine come on glory to God have you received God in your life raise your hand tell God thank you me and I heard this I broke down in the kitchen thank you thank you mommy what's wrong with you I think I feel sorry you know you could tell a black baby anything they I believe how's the wrong buddy lady say don't you saying gossip I see yes ma'am you see when I say the matter Klaus a joy [Applause] [Music] yeah I'm done Church is funny do you have to sing you choir you know I'm Senior Choir you know you got a lady in it you know she real old now but she in her day actually she just come to the Lord she 102 years old just started serving the Lord do you mean ain't got no teeth in her mouth they give her solo and she thinks she come on trying to be sexy calm [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] all right [Applause] [Music] [Applause] got a deacon throwing dollar that India just some things that let you know if you're truly black bar on a blog how many people here love God [Applause] that to say this you can't go to every Church you see I got a few clues on how you know you're in the wrong Church look at it I'll be laughing at me doll if you pull up in the church parking lot and you happen to notice you'll pass outside fighting you probably in the wrong Church did you go to a church and they don't have a piano player they just got a DJ and he forget that he worked at a nightclub he's mixing Kirk Franklin and Nellie you probably in wrong choice if you go to a church and the choir is print walking you probably notice on each side yeah if you go to a church in the pastor asks you to open your Bible to chronic now I'm in depth please buy back from me if you go to a church and the pastor said church I want you to open your Bible to Genesis and Jews that's not the church for you [Applause]

Channel: The - Krockpot

Views: 635,086

Rating: 4.7265701 out of 5

Keywords: Comedy Crock Pot, Church Jokes, Arnez J, Bruce Bruce, Thea Vidale, Church, Preacher, Entertainment, Entertaining, Funniest Youtube Videos, Best Youtube Videos, Katt Williams, Kevin Hart, MoNique, Steve Harvey, Lavell Crawford, Rickey Smiley, Mike Epps, funniest comedians, funniest jokes, jokes, Catholic, Pastor, Bishop TD Jakes, Eddie Long, Comedians, Don DC Curry, DL Hugley, TP Hearn, J Anthony Brown, George Wallace, funeral, stand Up comedy, comics, Tony Roberts

Id: Txym-TQid7k

Length: 24min 6sec (1446 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 12 2017