Can't Make A Decision? Try this.

if you are someone who gets stuck in indecision who fears making decisions because you don't know what the right decision is or maybe it's that you know you need to make a decision but you just can't and you're frustrated about it you don't know what to do about it then you are going to get a lot out of this video today we're going to be talking about why you struggle to make decisions and then we're going to talk about what to do about it and the reason why we talk about the why is because we need to have that understanding so that we can you know start with the understanding start with knowing what's going on so then we can move into the how of dealing with it at the root of the issue if you're someone who struggles struggles with indecision i think you're going to get a lot out of this one today i used to be someone who could hardly make a decision even if something so simple as just choosing whether or not i wanted to get just a plain coffee or a latte when i go to starbucks and now i really don't have any problems making decisions and we're going to talk about how to deal with this one if you're new here welcome to our incredible little corner on the internet take a second introduce yourself in the comment section below if you're back again say hello subscribe to the channel if you haven't already either way my name is julia christina and i am a registered clinical therapist a researcher a coach and the creator of my incredible membership community the shift society where the people in there are taking this work to a deeper transformational level doing it with community and support and connection so they don't have to feel alone so they don't have to you know wonder what to do if they get stuck that's what the shift society is for you can get more information about that in the description below i help heart center go-getter people break through the crap that is holding them back so they can like themselves and their lives more every day and this issue with indecision it might surprise you why you get stuck with indecision a lot of people think i just can't make decisions i'm just a really indecisive person and i'm going to bet you that it's not because you are an indecisive person it's because you are struggling with your relationship with yourself and you know i talk about that a lot here on this channel about building a strong healthy secure relationship with ourselves not just because it's nice to like the person that we have to live with from the day we're born to the day we die the person that we're stuck with 24 7 you know it's not that it's you know just feels good to feel good about that person but also because our relationship with ourselves underlies so many of our issues if we have a if we're struggling with our relationship with ourselves and it resolves so many of our issues it when we are not when we are not struggling when we are feeling good and solid in who we are so struggling to make decisions is really about not the outcome right because so often we're like i don't know what the right decision is because what if i choose this what if i get a latte and i take a few sips and realize i really wanted a coffee i mean i say that kind of tongue-in-cheek but it's interesting how if you struggle with big decisions when you know when i should move if i should move if i should change my career um you know what i should be doing next week what i should be doing with my life what i should be learning more about whatever that is whether or not i should stay in this relationship whether or not i should start this relationship whatever that is if you struggle with indecision on the with the bigger things then i am going to bet that you struggle with them with the smaller kind of more inconsequential relatively insignificant things just let me know in the comments section below i would love to hear from you from those of you who are struggling with indecision with bigger things let me know if you also struggle with indecision with the everyday things or if you struggle with indecision with everyday things let me know if you also are feeling stuck you've been stuck in a bigger decision for a while and not taking any action on it we're going to talk more about why that is important in a little bit here but as i was saying it's not the outcome it's not making a decision and then getting an outcome that we don't like or that wasn't the one that we really wanted or that we're disappointed with that's not the issue that's not actually really what we fear if you really aren't get stuck in indecision it's because of what you are going to make the outcome mean about you it's because you're gonna think i failed i got it wrong i'm so stupid i can't do anything right what's wrong with me right you're gonna turn against yourself you're going to make the outcome personal and that's going to feel terrible which is why you don't want to make the decision it makes sense it's because you don't want to feel terrible you don't want to blame and berate yourself for something not going the way that you wanted it to go when making a decision is clear it's easy so i'm not talking about the times where i mean it's not in decision when there's a clear decision right in front of us the only times we ever really struggle with making a decision when the when it's an obvious choice where it's just like yeah that's going to be good that's not going to be good the only reason why we get stuck in the indecision is because we actually want to do the thing that we know is not good but we're trying to figure out a way to justify it we're like i know that it's probably not going to be good to do this thing but if i just kind of sit here long enough maybe i can come up with some kind of justification some kind of reason to do the thing that isn't good because i don't want to make the good responsible healthy choice so that's the only the really the only time we get second in when the decision is more clear because we are yeah trying to justify something that's not good not good for us not good for someone else whatever that is but the rest of the time when you're struggling to make a decision it's because you're making the outcome mean something about you when the truth is when you agree that no matter what happens you are going to catch instead of kick yourself when you fall you're going to be there for yourself you're not going to take the outcome personally when you know that that's the case then there's not so much on the line when you're like okay i don't know what the best or right decision is to make here so i'm just gonna make one and i'm gonna decide to go with it and then i'm going to decide what i am going to think about the outcome if it isn't the one that i want i am gonna choose my thoughts about the outcome i'm gonna choose not to think that it means that i'm an idiot that i don't know what i'm doing that i'm you know pathetic that i suck i'm not gonna i'm gonna choose to not make it mean that i'm gonna choose to make it mean something else like i got something else to learn or you know i'm gonna take something from this or now i've learned now i know something that i didn't know before so that's going to help me with my decisions like this in the future if you make your outcomes mean that then there's very little to fear and so i talk about this how i used to really struggle with decisions even so far as i'd go to a restaurant oh my gosh i go to a restaurant and i'd sit there and i would read over the before making a decision i'd read over the entire menu and then i would ask the server what they recommended to give me their top three recommendations and then i would probably you know choose something that they had suggest suggested excuse me and then i would inevitably change my decision after they left with the order within like a couple minutes i would be like no i really want that and then i like go and like track the waiter down and change the order until i started to realize that i will in fact have another meal i was putting so much weight on the outcome that i have to choose the perfect culinary experience or i'm going to be so disappointed i'm going to feel so upset i'm going to feel like i've wasted this money but i don't have to feel those things because those aren't actually feelings those are thoughts but i don't actually have to think that about the outcome i don't have to think that even if i order something that i do not like that's not my favorite that isn't this like mind-blowing food experience i don't have to make it mean that there was a waste that i that it sucks that i'm so disappointed this is so awful i don't have to make it mean that i can make it mean whatever i want and if i'm gonna choose what i'm gonna make it mean i can choose to make it mean something that isn't leaving me feeling terrible frustrated discouraged and disappointed starting with the small decisions is going to help you with the bigger ones so we do this we build on it we start small if you're struggling with big decisions take it a step back and start letting yourself just go with the smaller decisions just make it and talk yourself through it right it also you can't just sort of make a decision and then just you know feel terrible afterwards and feel anxious and feel stressed and be like you know white knuckling it through it and being like oh what if it's the wrong decision and i don't know and what if i screwed up and what if this doesn't work out the way that i want it to and then if it doesn't then you're like oh i made this decision and i just went with it and now it didn't go the way that i wanted so i feel terrible and i think i'm terrible and i think i can't and all everything i do is terrible you can't just do that because then it's just going to continue to feel awful you have to change your entire thought process along the way you have to work on going with your decision and not just sort of like gripping and turning away hoping for the best going with it and being like you know this is the decision i'm making i'm owning this decision and i'm also going to own the result of it and i am going to decide what i'm going to do with that result i get to choose what i make it mean like i said start small it's going to be a lot easier letting yourself talk yourself through choosing whether or not to get you know a cappuccino or a latte and just going with that decision and just deciding that you're going to enjoy whatever drink it is that you choose to get and just be good with that decision and starting small and then building your way up there are people in the shift society doing this work working on our thoughts working on how we're seeing things what we're making things mean so much of the things that we struggle with are rooted in our thoughts what we make it mean how we're interpreting it what we're making things mean about us this is the deeper work really understanding what is the actual problem here because more often than not the problem is not the situation the problem is our thoughts or interpretation of the situation so learning how to work on that and change that so that we can be in charge of how we are thinking and feeling we can be in charge of our human experience instead of letting our circumstances outcomes and situations determine that for us getting better at making decisions does start with learning how to trust yourself so just to clarify trusting yourself and building self trust doesn't mean that you trust that everything is going to be okay all the time everything is going to turn out everything's going to be great self-trust is about knowing that no matter what happens you can trust yourself to be there for yourself no matter what happens you can trust yourself to be able to figure it out no matter what happens that you are going to have your own back it's like trusting in a relationship in a close relationship maybe even a romantic relationship having trust with your partner doesn't mean that you're never going to go through hard times it doesn't mean that things aren't never going to be challenging or difficult it means that that person is going to stick it out with you when it does when it does get hard when things do go wrong when there are challenges you trust that that person is going to continue to work with you through it and that's the same thing with building trust within ourselves being able to trust that i'm not going to abandon myself i'm not going to turn against myself i am going to be there for myself learning the steps to self trust i have a guide for you it's the simple steps to self trust in the description below you can start working on your relationship becoming more confident and secure and solid in who you are starts with learning to trust yourself the guide for that the steps for that in the description below and this is also on the on the bigger level the deeper work that we're doing in the shift society you can get on the waitlist for that get more information about that in the description below decisions what am i making the outcome mean get clear on that clean that up and it'll be so much easier to make the decision and just as an aside which i realize now should have been a central part to this talk because it is so important if you are struggling with a big decision and you really don't know what to do and you don't feel ready to make the decision don't you are allowed to table that decision put it aside and then actually go to your calendar and put a date in the calendar if it's a week from now a month from now three months six months from now where you're going to check back in with yourself at that time and see where you're at but in the meantime you're not gonna sit and stress about it think about it contemplate it go back and forth with it put yourself through all kinds of stress and turmoil about it you're just gonna say you know what i'm not ready to make the decision i'm putting it aside from that for now not gonna think about it and i will come back to it and check in with myself on this date sometime in the future and then do it check in with yourself at that time sit down and say okay where am i at now what information do i have what experience do i have where are things at do i feel more ready to make this decision now and if the answer is yes then make the decision if the answer is no then again put another date in the calendar however be careful with this one mind that you're not just avoiding something by continuing to put it off versus genuinely just needing more time because it's a big important decision and you want to feel more clear about it as opposed to just avoiding it out of fear and you'll know the difference you'll know the difference between just being like i don't want to make this decision i know what decisions i need and i need to make but i'm afraid because it's going to be hard it's going to be painful it's going to be uncomfortable so i'm avoiding it versus this is a big important decision i'm not ready to make it yet i need more time gather more experience and and information and yeah i just need more context before i do it that's allowed too what's not helpful is continuing to sit in indecision and not making a decision and continuing to not make a decision and continuing to sit in that that process of not making a decision versus just making a decision or agreeing that you're not going to make a decision clearing the space and then coming back to it later on if you liked the video hit the like button if you think someone would benefit from this someone you know has been struggling with decisions feel free to share it along with them and um oh yeah subscribe to the channel if you haven't already it is always good to have you here grab the simple steps to self trust start getting going on building that within yourself and uh get on the waitlist for the shift society until next time take good care

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 13,161

Rating: 4.970181 out of 5

Keywords: indecision, stop indecision, make a decision, how to make a big decision, how to make a hard decision, how to make a decision, why you can't make a decision, making the right decision, mel robbins, rachel hollis, brendon.com, hard life choices, what to do when you're torn, torn, why am I torn, shame, self shaming, youtube therapist, julia kristina indecision, julia kristina counselling, stop overthinking, trust yourself, make the decision, decision making, indecisive, self love

Id: 46lvtzqCfjw

Length: 18min 38sec (1118 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 10 2021