10 Sneaky Things Anxiety Causes You To Do

here's the irony there are things that most people do when they're either struggling with anxiety or just feeling anxious that unintentionally actually make the anxiety worse it's kind of like one of those chicken or the egg things where you're like am i doing this because i'm anxious or is me doing this making me feel more anxious and the truth is there's a little bit of both and so what we're going to do today is i'm going to talk to you about some subtle things that you might not even be aware that you're doing and as soon as i say them you're going to be like yep i totally do that and then you're going to see how it's making you more anxious but then also how when you're feeling anxious you are much more likely to do these things so we're going to get in there we're going to bring some awareness to what some of these things are so we can start working on changing them and just being intentional about working on them i think that this talk today is going to give you some insights that are going to be really helpful if you're new here welcome to our incredible little corner on the internet take a second and introduce yourself in the comment section below if you're back say hello love being able to connect with all of you and love you all being able to connect with one another here in our amazing little community oh if you haven't already subscribe to the channel i think the button is about right down there and you can like the video if you like the video and share it out if you like the video um either way my name is julia christina and i am a registered clinical therapist a researcher a coach and the creator of my incredible membership community the shift society where we are taking this work to the next level and you're getting guidance and support and tools and teachings all along the way you can get more information about that in the description below i help heart-centered people break through the crap that is holding them back so that they can like themselves and their lives more every day and if you've ever struggled with anxiety or maybe if you're feeling anxious right now you know that it can be one of those things that does hold you back now we're not going to talk today about the root causes of anxiety there are a lot of them so we're not going to go into that today what i want to talk more about is how anxiety shows up in your everyday life by things that you're not even necessarily intentionally doing but how continuing to do those things is making the anxiety worse without you even being aware of it and so we bring our awareness to it so that we can start working on it so that as we do these things less the anxiety goes down and we are less likely to do these things because our anxiety has gone down makes sense okay so let's get started and talk about what they are the first one the first thing that we do when we're feeling anxious that actually makes us feel even more anxious is getting stuck in indecision i've talked about this before about how indecision is one of those things that we can get really or get ourselves trapped in when we think that there is a right or best decision and we need to make the right or best decision or all is lost or something terrible is going to happen or we're going to feel terrible about ourselves if we make the quote-unquote wrong decision and how insisting that we always make the right decision puts all of this pressure on us which then makes us feel more anxious but when we're feeling anxious we think that we need to make the right decision because we don't want to deal with any kind of undesirable consequence or or an outcome that we don't like we don't want to deal with that and so we make ourselves anxious trying to make the right decision so learning how to not put so much stock into our decisions not put so much on the line with our decisions not think that if we make a decision and it doesn't turn out how we are wanting it to or expecting it to that we won't be able to handle the outcome or even that we are going to think we are terrible awful people for not knowing how something was going to turn out and then blaming ourselves for it not going the way that we wanted it to do you see how much stock we put on our decisions instead of just taking a step back and be able to say you know what i'm going to do the best that i can with what i've got and no matter what happens i'm going to commit to being good to myself and i'm going to commit to trusting that i'm going to be able to cope with the outcome the next thing that subtly increases anxiety that we do when we're feeling anxious is having really high expectations this is a tough one because the higher our expectations the more likely they are to not be met and then when they're not met we feel angry we feel disappointed we feel hurt we feel anxious right so we put these really high expectations because we're feeling anxious we're like i need things to go a certain way i need people to be a certain way i need life to be a certain way so that i can be okay so we place all these high expectations when we're feeling anxious but then actually having high expectations makes us even more anxious because then we're running around thinking everything needs to be a certain way in order for me to be okay and what if it's not like that what if they don't do that what if it doesn't turn out like that what if i can't do that which makes us even more anxious so really working on managing expectations if i am continuously feeling disappointed in others or disappointed in myself then perhaps there's an expectation issue going on there i need to really take a step back and ask myself are these helpful expectations whether or not they're fair or reasonable is not the right question are they helpful expectations and if i am always feeling discouraged and disappointed then chances are they're not helpful expectations because they're not helping me they're just making me feel worse another another subtle thing that increases anxiety is thinking that you have to have it all figured out and this is for my perfectionists and my over-functioners who think that they need to know the answers that they need to have the solution that they need to have it all laid out and know exactly what's going on all the time in order for them to be okay in order them to feel safe in order for them to feel good but that's just not possible always having things figured out and i know that it can be hard especially for my perfectionists i know it can feel very vulnerable going into something when you don't know exactly how it's going to turn out you don't have it all figured out you don't know if you're going to be able to do it to the level that you expect yourself to be able to do something i know that it's hard i know that it's hard to face that and be like okay what if i don't live up to this again expectation what is that going to mean about me what if i can't do this instead of just letting ourselves be human and again it comes back to trusting ourselves that even if i don't have it all figured out now i can figure it out as i go i can learn as i go i don't need to have every single step along the way completely and perfectly plotted out and know the exact sequence of everything in order for me to be okay i can trust myself the next subtle thing that increases anxiety this is probably an obvious one that you might not have realized but as soon as i say you're going to be like i totally do that and it's over scheduling yourself trying to take too much on and so this often happens when we're feeling anxious we think that it's our job to get everything done we think we always need to do more we think we always need to be proving that we're good enough we think that we always need to take everything on and never say no in order to prove our value prove our worth feel good enough feel like we're doing something in life feeling like our life is purposeful but there's a difference between leading a purposeful life and leaving leading a stressed out overwhelmed can barely make it through the day life over scheduling ourselves really taking a step back and looking at that why are you doing that why are you over scheduling yourself what are you trying to prove who are you trying to impress why do you think you need to do all of these things yes there are certain things in our lives that we need to do on a daily basis you know we need to go to our jobs we need to nourish our bodies we need to get sleep we need to take care of dependence [Music] but there are a lot of things that we put onto our schedule that are not necessary and so you have to ask yourself why am i doing this and be honest with yourself are you trying to prove something are you trying to earn something are you trying to impress someone what is that really about and is it necessary but we do that when we're feeling anxious we take more on and then we've got so much that we've taken on that we end up feeling really anxious i used to do this all the time i used to have this motto of like i just need to get through the day or i just need to get through the week i just need to get all of these things done and we could go back and really look at and i mean i know why i was doing all that stuff we're not going to talk about that today but i realized that i was always just trying to get through and i'm like where am i trying to get through to why am i trying to just get all this stuff done what do i think is going to happen once i get through the day or get through the week and i just realized that it wasn't just about getting through the day so that i could get to a more peaceful more balanced more enjoyable day or week on the next one it just kept happening it was always i just need to get through the day i just need to get this stuff done i just need to get through this and i was missing out on life i was missing out on actually enjoying it because i was just trying to get through it and i'm not saying not having plans not having goals not having things that you're engaged in and working on is bad absolutely those are great things we need to have engagement in our lives but you cannot sprint a marathon and life is a marathon that actually only has one ending point where are you trying to get through in order to enjoy the process we have to take it a step back go at a more sustainable pace so we can look around enjoy the scenery stop pardon the cheesy metaphor but smell the roses and take in an experience because this is it this is life there is no place to get to there's one destination and once we're there we don't get to do it again so really looking at if i am always just trying to get through the day get through the week is that how i want to be living my life and could there be an alternative the next thing that we do when we're anxious that makes us feel more anxious is overthinking and you know this song because it is the person who struggles with anxiety it is their theme song about wanting to overthink everything and again that's about trying to figure out what's going to happen and how's it going to happen and when's it going to happen or what were those people thinking and why were they thinking that or what should i do and when should i do it right it's always trying to avoid vulnerability overthinking is just about trying to avoid vulnerability trying to avoid being in a situation where we don't know how we're going to handle it we don't know what it's going to be and so what is the antidote to that learning how to trust yourself learning how to trust that you can handle what happens you can even handle challenging things you have so far i bet right now if you sit down and ask yourself if you've ever been through something hard in your life and gotten through it i'm going to bet that 100 of people would say yes i'm going to bet that you would say yes so then why are we so afraid of having to deal with anything uncomfortable we can do it and you know we can probably do it in ways that are easier because a lot of what we fear going when we're you know going through something difficult is how we're going to treat ourselves what we're going to make it mean how we're going to beat ourselves up about it how we're going to blame ourselves how we're going to make it you know question ourselves our value and our worth and all of that stuff we're going to create all this mental drama around it so we can actually learn how to better cope with things not going the way that we want them to by simply learning how to be kinder to ourselves and that comes as we build trust with ourselves i do have a guide that's going to help you build trust with yourself if that's something that you do struggle with if you if you often notice yourself second guessing yourself or doubting yourself or being really critical and judgmental towards yourself um the self-trust guide it's in the description you can grab that but really looking at this overthinking thing is that how you are trying to protect yourself with it with it by trying to assess and predict everything and is that actually helping you or is that actually harming you by making you feel even more anxious and i say kind of tongue-in-cheek even though there is a lot of truth to it and that is that anxiety is the process of making ourselves terribly uncomfortable in our attempts to prevent ourselves from maybe might or possibly becoming uncomfortable the antidote to this is learning how to trust ourselves more the next thing that we do that we do when we're anxious and also that increases our anxiety is over committing taking on too much similar to this over functioning uh similar to the over scheduling is the over committing and this one is rooted in boundaries not having boundaries taking too much on over scheduling over committing overdoing it and then getting really anxious because again and we've got so much that we need to do and then are feeling like again i just need to get through it so if you are someone who finds yourself over committing to things and you're like i've got so much on my calendar i've got so many things that i said i would do i've taken on so much and i feel like i'm being crushed under it you're going to be feeling really anxious but again we over commit because we think that we have to do more in order to prove our worth to prove our value to prove that we're good enough because we're trying to control how other people think about us we want people to think that we're good people that we're generous people that we're kind people so you know it's coming from a good place like i want to do good things for people i want to be there for people but it gets kind of distorted when we are we have this like this like push where like i have to do it because i have to get people to think that i'm a good person i can't stand it if people would ever think that i'm not doing everything or that i'm not taking everything on or that i heaven forbid it would be taking time for myself sometimes saying no to things i can't handle what people would think about me if i said no and had some boundaries and so we over commit and get really anxious so if you are someone who over commits i want to invite you to take a step back and ask yourself why am i over committing why am i taking all this on why do i think i have to do all of this stuff and the question is do i is it good for me is it healthy chances are if i'm feeling terrible and i'm feeling anxious and i'm feeling totally run down all the time because i've overcommitted myself chances are the answer is no so learning how to have boundaries for yourself if that is something you struggle with i do have a guide it's 25 ways to say no that one is free you can grab it it's in the description below if boundaries is something that you struggle with that's a great place to get started the next thing that we do when we're anxious that also increases anxiety is trying to keep up with everyone else it's hard i mean it's always been this way it's always been that you know keeping up with the joneses looking around at what other people have and what other people are doing and assuming that we need to be doing it too and having it too to big in capitalistic cultures where we are you know always trying to get more and acquire more and do more because other people are doing it and we think that that's the gold standard that's the best way to live but i have to ask is it really if i'm feeling terrible a lot of the time because i'm never satisfied with where i'm at and what i've got and who i am even more so in this day and age with social media where these curated versions of people's lives are plastered everywhere and so we are trying to keep up instead of just keeping our eyes on our own journey on our own lives what we've got and sometimes it's really hard right because it's always there commercialism and like all this stuff and i'm not you know i'm not saying that having things and wanting things is bad i'm saying when we are feeling bad about ourselves when we don't have those things that's where it's bad when we're feeling anxious be trying because we're trying to keep up because we think that someone else has this magic solution if i just have this or acquire this or achieve this then my life will be complete and i'll be happy that's just not the way that it works and it's not going to happen and it's going to lead to just so much anger and frustration and depression and anxiety so keeping our eyes on our own journey what makes sense for me how am i growing how am i learning how am i moving forward compared to what i want and what's important to me not compared to anyone else and not about trying to keep up with every anyone else because their life is not mine the next thing this one's going to be obvious as soon as i say it and you're going to be like yep i do that and so if this is a big problem which it is for a lot of us human beings if it is a big problem then it is something that does need to be taken seriously and this one is being hard on yourself are you hard on yourself are you often criticizing yourself judging yourself picking yourself apart thinking about all the ways that you fall short and that you're not good enough i mean we do this when we feel anxious because when we feel anxious we often feel out of control and so then we judge ourselves for feeling out of control and then that makes us feel even more anxious this one is a simple solution it's not always easy but learning how to be more kind and compassionate and understanding and having some grace for yourself this one also comes as you learn to trust yourself again the things that we do that build self-trust are also natural expressions of people who trust themselves people who have a good solid sense of self-trust are kinder to themselves just like in any trusting relationship when there is a sense of trust there when we feel safe and secure we are kinder so grab that guide for the simple steps to self-trust that's going to help a lot with this one and then our last one and this is a big one especially for those of you who struggle with emotional fusion or codependence this one is about taking responsibility for other people's feelings thinking that you are creating other people's feelings and so you need to contort or change or or morph yourself into this person into this way of being as to not ever upset or put off or offend anyone and how much anxiety that creates when you're always trying to wonder and guess what people are going to think and how people are going to feel so you're always sort of editing and contorting yourself and i'm not saying to not be considerate to not be mindful to not take responsibility for yourself but there is a difference and you know the difference between being someone who is considerate and kind and takes responsibility for how they're showing up in the world trying not to be a jerk you know the difference between that and the kind of walking around feeling tense and anxious and wondering and worrying and overthinking about what other people are thinking or feeling and then taking responsibility for that again this is a boundaries thing it's also a self-trust thing it's also about your relationship with yourself when you feel more secure and solid in who you are you don't need other people to necessarily think certain things or feel certain ways in order for you to be okay anxiety can be a tricky one i want to hear in the comments which one of these were you like wow yep i can see how i have been doing this from feelings of anxiety i've been feeling anxious so i've been doing these things but then doing them is actually making me feel more anxious love to hear what takeaways you have from this in the comment section below get the guide to self trust there's also that 25 ways to say no being more mindful being more intentional not using this stuff again to make yourself feel anxious to be like oh my gosh i've got so much work to do again that's that that over functioning those expectations those too high of expectations thinking i've got all this stuff i need to sort out i need to do it all now and i'm such a mess and what's wrong with me right then that makes making me feel even more anxious instead of just being like okay i'm going to take one thing from this talk today and i'm going to be intentional about that and i'm going to start working on that today one thing that's it not everything not all of it at once one thing and i'm gonna let that be good enough if you found this helpful then please do share it out um like the video does just with the algorithm stuff it helps it get in front of more people so that other people can access these teachings um yeah i'd love to hear from you in the comment section below and until next time take good care

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 21,114

Rating: 4.985755 out of 5

Keywords: make anxiety worse, increase anxiety, make anxiety better, beat anxiety, beat my anxiety, anxiety getting worse?, stop my anxity, stop my anxiety, Wonder Forest, Professor Nez, anxiety is getting worse, stop feeling anxiety, get over anxiety, anxiety triggers, anxiety triggers and how to cope, things anxiety causes you to do, Julia Kristina, julia kristina counselling, youtube therapist, CBT therapy for anxiety, cbt for anxiety, anxiety

Id: 3npVeBkUkHk

Length: 24min 31sec (1471 seconds)

Published: Wed Mar 17 2021