Why You Don't Love Yourself

truth time I sometimes get annoyed by all of these messages that seem to be going around on social media about how you're just supposed to love yourself just love yourself just sing your mantras and take yourself to the spa and love yourself but what does that actually even mean how do you love yourself is it just something that you wake up one day and say I'm gonna love myself and if you've tried it and it hasn't worked I'm here to tell you that it's not because you're doing something wrong it's because it's not that easy and it's not the way that it works and so today I'm gonna talk to you about what it really takes to love or maybe even if you're not there yet and you just want to be liking yourself more I'm gonna be talking to you about how to like yourself more and intentional and specific things that you can start doing right away to build that relationship with yourself to build that sense of self love and self-acceptance and even just liking yourself it's not something that's just supposed to happen overnight like any relationship it takes time it takes intention and it takes effort so I'm gonna tell you these ones stay tuned I think you're gonna get a lot of from this one and it's gonna make you a lot less frustrated with this whole self-love Revolution stuff if you're new to me and this is the first time you're here I am so glad you were here make sure you hit the subscribe button so that we can stay connected and maybe do it now so that you don't forget if you're not new to me I'm so glad you're back and I always love having you here so thanks for being here my name is Julia Cristina and I am a master mindset coach a therapist a researcher and the creator of the breakthrough coaching program I have a master's degree in counseling psychology and in work to help heart-centered go get our men and women breakthrough worry anxiety and self-doubt so that they can get out of their heads and get into their lives and love their lives and dare I say even themselves more and so what are these things how do we just love ourselves sorry if I sound a little bit calloused I'm just annoyed with all of these messages as if it's just that simple and how it can make us feel like we're broken or flawed or weird because we can't just love ourselves like that so what do we do and when you talk to you about several things that add to that that build that that we can do to start creating that relationship that healthy relationship with ourselves and so the first one is this is a really simple one how do you talk to and about your self do you put yourself down do you talk about all of your flaws and all of your weaknesses aren't you really hard on yourself it's really hard to have a good relationship with someone who is always talking down to them and so being aware of that one and being intentional about that when catching that one really just learning how to catch yourself and even working on turning that self-talk around allowing yourself to connect with your strengths to connect with the things that are going well that you're doing well the things that are good about you instead of just always focusing on the areas that you fall short because yeah we both have all of them we both we all have both of them did I say that right we all have both of them we all have areas that we can improve and we all have things that we are doing well and strengths and gifts and talents and abilities that are going great so how do you talk to and about yourself are you really hard on yourself could you stand to be a little bit kinder it's a working unchanging shifting one moment at a time how you talk to and about yourself how you talk about yourself to other people how you what you describe yourself you're always putting yourself down or you're always talking about your shortcomings how you talk to yourself are you always pointing all your flaws out to yourself or are you allowing yourself to connect with and talk about the things that you're proud of that you feel good about your strengths your gifts it's the first one the next one is how kind are you towards yourself do you take care of yourself and I know the whole self-care thing is another big thing and that is super important that's part of it but do you take care of yourself are you taking care of your health are you sleeping properly are you moving your body on a regular basis are you honoring yourself are you - are you giving yourself time to sit and do nothing and to relax and you just take some time off or are you hustling and running around and totally wearing yourself out and overwhelming yourself and neglecting your health are you doing all of those things it's really hard to like someone to feel good about someone when they are not being nice to us when they are not looking out for us and so are you taking care of yourself are you being good to yourself and just those little things being intentional about taking care of yourself and being kind towards yourself those little things add up like any relationship they add up and they count and they make a difference it's really hard to like people who are really unkind to us the next one how much do you listen to and respect yourself how much do you really pay attention to the things that are important to you and how often are you just sort of like pushing them inside pushing your needs aside not respecting yourself not listening to yourself not paying attention to yourself not valuing your wants needs thoughts ideas perspectives preferences are you listening to yourself are you speaking up when you need to speak up are you saying what you need to say are you listening to the things that are important to you and are you intentional about creating those in your life and making those things happen or speaking up for those things or asking for those things in your life are you listening to and respecting yourself and again it's really hard to be in a relationship with someone who's always shutting us down who's always sort of just like oh you don't matter like what you what you need and what's important to you it doesn't really matter like it's really hard to have a good relationship with someone who's always doing that and so many of us are doing it to ourselves and so being it's intentional about listening listening to the whispers and sometimes even listening to the full-on like shouting like pay attention to me and letting ourselves listen to that the next one are you building trust with yourself how do you treat yourself after you fail or fall down and this is a huge one for building our trust and having a really good trusting relationship with ourselves is it's it's a lot it has a lot to do with our relationship with ourselves especially for those of you who are you are go-getters you are going out and you are in living life and you want to do things and you have goals and you have dreams you have ambitions and yeah if you're gonna show up if you show up big enough often enough in life you are gonna fall down and you are gonna fail you're gonna get a mouthful of dirt dirt and a fat lip how do you treat yourself when you do do you tell yourself I'm a failure I'm no good I suck I don't have what it takes I can't do this or are you like okay that's sucked let's get back up let's learn from it let's try again do you rake yourself over the coals if you ever fail or fall down or are you kind compassionate understanding are you good to yourself when that happens and that builds trust that is huge for building trust and building our relationship with ourselves just like anybody else if you were to go to someone and talk about something that you had phones short on or that hadn't gone your way or that you maybe even fully just failed at and if that person was to look at you and be like oh my gosh yeah you suck you two just like cull it in right now why even bother you are terrible like you're Wow like I can't even I can't look at you right now would that help or hinder that relationship so we need to be really intentional about how we're treating ourselves how we are building that trust because if we go to that same person and we share that stuff with them we're like I totally failed I totally like crap the bed on this one and they're like hey it's okay like I know that it hurts I know that it sucks but doesn't mean that you are a failure it means that things didn't go the way that you wanted them to it means that you might have more to learn but I still believe in you I still love you I think I still think you're an amazing person you just had a failure you just had something that didn't go your way it's it's okay let's learn some this let's get up let's keep going what would be different if you had a friend who said that to you and can you start saying things like that to yourself the next one is how do you look at yourself when you see yourself in the mirror when you catch a glimpse and maybe this one is a little bit more for women than for men I don't know maybe there's some men where this impacts you as well but how do you what do you say to yourself you're like oh oh my gosh you just looked so old or like you need to lose some weight or like your growth these things that we say ourselves when you catch a glimpse of yourself or even when you're standing and looking at the mirror are you sitting there being disgusted by yourself by looking and pointing out and picking at all of your flaws and imperfections what would it be like if you looked at yourself and you connected with the things that are beautiful about you with the things that even if they're not perfect are still amazing and this is such a huge one and full vulnerability full transparency I used to feel really self-conscious about my body and I used to feel like because when I was younger I have always had thicker thighs and so when I was younger I got called thunder thighs a lot all the kids would call me thunder thighs or elephant stumps and I got called that and so I really believed and even though I look back and I was like I can't believe that I thought I was fat and I had these big fat legs but it's this idea in my head because that's what the kids made fun of me for that's what the kids called me and so I I grew up I'm really believing that I had these really like fat legs and then I saw people who did have thicker legs who were out you know in bathing suits and even posting pictures of themselves on social media and just like owning it and they were like I don't need to have perfect legs in order to feel comfortable and confident Who I am I don't have to look perfect in order to feel good about myself I can choose to feel good about myself and so whatever that is whatever that is on your physical appearance that you think is holding you back from feeling good about yourself I'm here to tell you that there is somebody out there already with the same perceived flaw that you think you have who was out there feeling good about themselves anyways and actually posted about this in my Instagram and basically just said that there's somebody out there with the same excuses as you with the same appearance quote-unquote flaws as you who is out there doing it anyways who is out there feeling good about themselves anyways so what are you doing are you making all of this stuff mean something about you that if you're not perfect on the outside or that these things are actually like ugly or bad when maybe they're not maybe they're actually like in my case that it's just a big kind of distorted belief or thought that you have that came from somewhere that you picked up somewhere and now you just let it Lodge in there and you're making it be your story about why you're not good enough and why you can't actually love and accept yourself I'm gonna call a little bit of BS on that and challenge you to catch yourself in the mirror and to look at yourself with love and to point out and specifically look for the things that you do love instead of always focusing on the things that aren't quote unquote perfect this is a big one this is a tough one this one takes some work but I want to encourage you and invite you to try doing it the next one is acknowledging how far you've come instead of always looking ahead at how far you have to go that sometimes we are standing there we're like oh my gosh I've got so far to go the mountain is so high to climb and when am I ever gonna get there and we forget to look back and see holy crap like I have come so far and to be able to be proud of ourselves and to recognize ourselves and give ourselves credit where credit is due it's this great human thing in our brain is that we're always looking to like get somewhere else we think we need to get somewhere in order to be happy and the truth is a lot of you right now are at places that you thought if you got there you would be happy and you're not and so happiness is not a destination it's a decision and it's allowing ourselves to recognize where we are and what we've accomplished and what we've done and what we you know who we've how we've healed and how we've grown now not always looking at how far we have to go recognizing appreciating and connecting with where we are where you are is this something that you need to do let me know in the comment section below is this something and maybe even I want you to say that yeah like I have come a long ways good for me in the comments section below even if you just say yup Julia good for me let yourself connect with that take a moment to do that as cheesy as it might be claiming this stuff and declaring that stuff actually makes a difference it allows different things in our brains to connect the next one and this one is about being mindful and intentional about the things you let yourself think about and perseverate on and maybe even obsess about what kinds of things are you allowing into your minds and how how far are you allowing these things to go so sometimes yeah we don't always have control over the thoughts that come into our minds and the things that we think about but we absolutely are in charge with how far we let those go whether or not we get stuck in like a spiral and and kind of think of all the reasons why we're no good or something's no good or why we're failures or whatever those thoughts are that end up leaving us feeling like a pile of crap at the end really being mindful of the thoughts that you allow to stick around in your mind and this is actually something that I realized a few years ago and I actually posted this on social media as well it wasn't the first time I felt it but the first time I'm really connected with it and realized it was a couple years ago and for my Canadians I was sitting at Tim Hortons there's a Tim Hortons near my office and I was sitting there and I was having my little lunch and I was sitting by myself and I had this policy of like not bringing my phone with me not bringing any devices with me and just sitting and giving my brain a break just giving myself just some space some white space in my day and I sat there eating my little bowl of chicken noodle soup and my whole wheat bun and I remember sitting there and really reflecting on and connecting with and noticing how much I liked what the thoughts were that were going through my head how much I liked just being with myself you guys this has taken work I never used to like this that is for darn sure done a lot of my life not liking myself and feeling really crappy about myself and doubting myself and second-guessing myself and all the things but I've done my work and being able to sit there and be like I really like the thoughts that go through my head I really like me I really like my own company and I was like huh that is pretty freakin amazing so that takes work what thoughts are we allowing coming into our mind and how much value are we giving them and how much are we allowing them to stick around how much are we indulging them a really simple way to work on liking and loving ourselves more if you can think of it this way if you don't remember anything you learn from this list this is the simplest thing that you need to know you think about people that you like and feel good about and that you trust and that you have a good relationship with that you love think about those people and what are they doing that helped you like them love them trust them feel safe with them feel good about being with them one of the things that they are doing how do they treat you how do they talk to you how are they when they're with you and then start doing those things for yourself the same things that help us build our relationships on the outside are when we do those things for ourselves are the things that help us build our relationship with ourselves on the inside which one of these connected with you which one are you going to start doing now which one are you gonna start working on I want to ask you to just start with one don't feel like oh my gosh this is overwhelming you've got to do all of these start with the one that feels easiest that's the best way that we have success is if we start with the thing that feels the most doable and a little bit of a stretch but not like way out there start with one let me know which one you're going to start with in the comment section below share the video out if you think other people need to hear this message let me know if you share it out so that I can thank you because that means so much to me oh and I also have my healthy reminders I forgot about that it's a free download that I have that I made for you guys because they're healthy reminders that I use with myself often why not my brain is kind of going a little bit wonky anning to reconnect and realign and and just like kind of get back on track with myself and it's my five favorite healthy reminders I use them often for me they work like wonders and yeah I want you to try them too and I'm gonna guess that a lot of them least a couple them on that list are going to work be helpful and work for you as well so grab that download five favorite health reminders in the description below subscribe to the channel if you haven't already and come and join my facebook group good for me group comm full of the most incredible men and women heart centered go-getter men and women and I am gonna look forward to seeing you next time make sure you comment in the comment section below so we can connect until next time take good care

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 120,960

Keywords: how to love yourself, how to like who you are, how to feel good about yourself, what does it really take to love yourself, how to actually love yourself, why you can't love yourself, why you don't love yourself, self love, how to build self esteem, AdelaineMorin, how to deal with self-criticism, Julia Kristina, unfuck your brain, stop your critical thoughts, why you don't like yourself, lisa nichols, brene brown, rachel hollis, where to start with self love, loving yourself

Id: ojPrjIuTZk8

Length: 18min 52sec (1132 seconds)

Published: Wed May 15 2019