Buddy Hackett Tells Divorce Jokes & Naked Bath Story to Johnny Carson, Part 2 on Tonight Show

this Thanksgiving Day without anybody happy we had dick Van Patten's other guys who got the Lennon Smith this is like request time this is fun okay you had something here just divorce divorce get I get no I don't know what that means well in Yiddish I get is a divorce again yeah and people who are Americanized would say will get I get it would say in Yiddish me get talking we get Karuma gate of them I get but that would be news we're gonna get it get on we're gonna get a divorce but god I know that but I didn't know there you know now you know anyway there's this couple and they've been married quite a few years and she gets up one morning incidentally I want to give credit last time I did that elephant joke and I said I thought I heard it from Myron Cohen I wasn't sure but this one I know where her yeah Larry best you know he is sure there's a comedian works the mainly my mama cows come on and he has a Cadillac car and a nice apartment and he has but if you asked him to come into a Christian area to work it feels uncomfortable he can hit and it believe me he could work anywhere but he's not comfortable and he works up in the Catskills and he worked the one-nighters club dates I mean maybe he's right we just now are happy with now doing one a night that's all he's ever done the or something yeah so he told the story she gets up one morning I should say I can't stand to look no more you face another one it you hear either one it don't talk don't convince don't tell me loving holding this is gonna tell you what do you think I got with you a picnic well you can't stand to look at me is double back on you haha so we'll go in court and we'll get a get and that's it I divorced and split it up and forget about it she have what do you holland who's holding you now they go to court and the judge and his wisdom tries to keep these people together but married a long time he says I believe there is mental cruelty on both sides however you have three children he's trying to keep them together I said if I gave two to one and one to another it wouldn't be a fair division he says Shula one with 2 and 2 with one I would split up she said I understand that what a thing I don't know arithmetic he says perhaps you could stayed together a while longer and have another child and then I can give two to one and two to the other she says all right if he could take for another year or I'd meet two and he's like if she wouldn't make such troubles all right I'll stay stick a judge we do you the favor and if it didn't work we wasted a year and that's doctor he says just a minute your honor one lap instead of the ball one will be born two twins are swelling it'll be the same thing too with three in flavor too and we back where we started she says look on him that big twin maker when I'll have to depend on him I wouldn't have the voice me neither [Laughter] [Applause] oh that's nice okay you realize when we use up this a whole page you're out of show business well I still got to make by uh what appeals to you here oh this was one that used to do in World War two okay think I said you what happen what your sister says well my sisters in the army so in a WAC no no Regular Army is what you mean a regular army how could your sister being a regular army he's a wild you know she puts a hair up under the hat and she scraps herself down and she wears men's clothes he's so odd at night he got to take them clothes off take the hat off to see the long hair no see the way she's build you're going to shower together he said someone's gonna find out he's ever who's gonna tell I got that from Eisenhower respites favorite story then this wooden is the drunk okay guy walks yeah thank you have a drink there we're doing I wanna have a drink very with everybody everything but you'll be 60 3015 cifra many takes from outside and punches him a wax up and hits him a guy comes back inside drinks through her house we're none for you when you drink you're getting there [Laughter] I forgot that one oh yeah see this is what is your good that's a good one because this is for guys that I give used to give jokes like this to work and make maybe Bob Goulet you know because they didn't have to tell clean jokes but they work for the huge organization that's right and now they have to be careful cuz they don't even know who they work for so there's a guy and either he's got a lot of projects he's building apartments he's doing all this sort of stuff and he goes out in the field with a psychologist to find out why some men work so much better than others and they see one guys is laying bricks and he's gonna dish it's yeah what do you make it you are making I'm making six dollars and 73 cents an hour that's what I made they says you know who's making the guy who owns this job he's making it he's making on me make him my lady makes under cement I'm using understand that comes in he's making on the plans he makes on the architect he's making that's the guy was making they go on to another guy usually like it what do you make me what am i making I'm making the church a place of worship who anyone can come and worship as they want a place of freedom and they had to fire him because he's supposed to be making a garage [Laughter] [Applause] I remember a long time ago when you you have not have not heard you talk about this for a long time I don't know how long it takes or if you even want to do it when we went to Japan once but Jack bought Jack Paar it's the only time I ever was there no you told a hysterical story about going to a sumo wrestling demo you know what I'm talking yeah sure go tell it right just the way you and I are sitting right well first let me tell you this one I sometimes when I do it in this room the first time I did of course I didn't know this because it was so long ago but later on I always do a thing when I always say that I was complaining on stage that I'm not sexually fulfilled that I'm up there working and my wife is home and I haven't seen her for a while and when I don't have this when this frustration it's negative pain over the eye and which makes me say whoa and they ask the doctor why does it hurt over the eye from no sex he says the subconscious is embarrassed to put the pain where it should go because if you walk around rubbing your head nobody the same [Laughter] now say I've been in a saloon and I've done that I don't know what no like that you know or I look down and I see a woman who's gifted and I'll ask you to stand up and show her and I don't think I don't do the things like Rickles does you know he picks on the people but he's hey did you see that show he did way he would in the nut house when he put him in a nuthouse his own television show Sharky no it was so wonderful I missed that I wonder why there can't do a few more scripts like that because he really hit her to work he was off was he dynamite it's great I just wanted to say that for a minute before I give him one I have a friend honey Chernov weighs 640 pounds now he's down to 420 he's on the liquid protein which you give a loose register but his mother's a doctor and she's got a minor he says to me hug I'm for 22 and recognized for you oh yeah I think I told you about him where he's the kind that ring started to Sahara one night and Rickles walked out and looked at him and said what do you do and Cherno said I'm a jockey what do you do that's gonna cut you in anyway when I just took nice to people and all so now say I've set up the sting Walk Now I tell about when I went with Jack Paar to Japan and it's just like we're sitting there says you forget it took you everybody took you and I said no she's like Hugh Downs and I were there last year and and he did this when everybody's doing something naughty he would Rocky's it we were there last year we weren't naked in the bath we were making the bed he said men and women would go naked in the bath and in Japan yes they do really do ha ha ha I said well we used to do it in Brooklyn without water so now is this well you downs I will we we we wouldn't go naked the bath who are our jockey shorts especially well if I go there I'll go naked the bed if you want to go we're gonna go we're gonna go there now as you know a couple months pass and we go to Tokyo and we're going to the bath and it's up on the fifth floor and we're at the elevated one to the fifth floor now i forgot that i sat with him so I'm gonna go Nate what's the difference to me I want to get the lab for the moment he says you're not gonna get naked a bath so what is you said you won't get any gonna be a promise won't get making a bit so you won't get negative it's okay I'm good making the bed I got naked in the elevator I mean what a wife here I don't know anybody in Japan I'm thinking you get in the elevator you go up to the fifth floor the door opens you jump in the water right I'm naked he's crying the door open I stepped out I'm in the lobby it didn't go up I'm a couple on the Japanese oh my god I said you don't have to bow if you can't see from where you all forget about it hey thank God I was a Buddha and they put incense you're my neighbor and lit it and I should ha ha ha and then we went to Coney Coney is 85 mile from Tokyo and that's where they go up they play golf up there and and I have the sumo school and he's gonna film the sumo wrestlers you know they're what 7 feet to up you 600 pounds monsters walking billboards now it's just to me you wanna have some fun I said yeah he says look you wrestle with a sumo and I'll film it I said let's hear the part about the fun I mean if I weigh 600 pounds I weigh 220 he's well I got the camera I said why don't I hold the camera I knew stick fetish in your belt and fly up over the volcano and set him on fire say hi I'm a fire duck cases are you afraid I said no I was your friend I told him I was ready so they dressed me in a sumo outfit which is a little suit cloth covers you here and a suit band around a waist then a thick cord ha hard fibrous rope between your legs and up in the back and the right up and when they tighten that rope you'll fight anybody I mean you tell a guy hey hey hey don't do that hey hey don't don't hey hey tighten it up I'll rip his nose off then I see that the other guy Dave dressing him when he go it don't what you know running a Torino I tell myself don't panic pack your small but you're fast get out there quick grab his rope and loose Nitin llegada and I ran out quick and I grabbed his rope and he said whoa and he picked me up and he threw me out of it but first he kissed me to LA and he said sayonara now the new people who haven't seen me in Las Vegas I don't do that routine anymore because it's not funny enough you're Isaac hey I can't tell you seriously I know you will you're self-conscious right baby compliment thanks for coming in on Thanksgiving I know you have to leave really to go to Harold Robbins for Thanksgiving dinner Carolyn grace you young yeah I hope they're all make it over there well you take you could just tighten up the Rope a little bit boys thanks for coming I had such a good time you were some special folks I'm glad you digested in the middle and you're all terrific god bless you thank you

Channel: Johnny Carson

Views: 5,141,997

Rating: 4.6963339 out of 5

Keywords: episode, best, funny, youtube, funny videos, comedy, laugh, funniest, stand up, comedian, hilarious, stand up comedy, johnny carson, tonight show, humor, sketch, johnny carson bloopers, johnny carson show, johnny, carson, tonight, show, funny video, best of johnny carson, funniest moments johnny carson, Buddy Hackett (Comedian), The Tonight Show (TV Program), Divorce (Taxonomy Subject), Interview (Ontology Class), Joke (Literature Subject), Blooper (TV Genre), Sumo (Martial Art), lol, naked

Id: 2GLorUGaPI0

Length: 14min 30sec (870 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 09 2013

Reddit Comments

[u/richardec]

Casual humor today but cutting edge in the 80s.