Boyfriend Refuses To Help With Kids Bc He's NOT Bio-DAD & Goes On Romantic Trip With Friends & Wives

i'm 29 female my boyfriend is 30. i have two kids that are not his biologically and we've been together for four years last week his buddy invited him and i to go on a four-day couples retreat with them his wife and his other friend and his girlfriend apparently there is couples massages romantic dinners etc we were due to leave today my boyfriend mentioned it to me so i started looking around for babysitters unfortunately i was not able to find a sitter their dad hardly ever takes them and their grandmother is just as much of a loser and only sees the kids to post photos on facebook and act like grandmother of the year normally when we make plans he will reach out to his mom or sister-in-law because they are the only people in our area he didn't do that so i called them yesterday to see if they would but obviously they couldn't i figured since i could not go he would not go on the couple's retreat i wake up this morning at 5am to him packing i asked him what he was doing and he said um packing i need to leave here by 7am to meet up with george i asked him why he still intended to go on a couple's retreat when his partner couldn't go and i asked him if he had even wanted me to go since he didn't bother helping me look for a sitter originally anyways and he said if you wanted to go you would have found a sitter i don't have time for this this really bothered me a great deal he kissed my forehead and left 15 minutes ago i get a text from him which included pictures of his suite that had flower petals champagne even a heart-shaped bed i texted back and said have a good time he took this as an attack and said don't be clipped with me it's not my fault you didn't find a sitter so i responded with i wasn't being clipped and it would have been nice if you could have helped find a sitter i know they aren't your kids but if you wanted me to go you should have put in an effort he responded with you're being an idiot right now and quite frankly you're being over dramatic as well am i the idiot for getting upset with the fact that he went without me not the idiot he's supposed to be your partner the whole if you wanted to go you would have found a sitter could easily be turned into if he wanted you to go he would have found a sitter it's a weak argument the fact that he took have a nice time as a confrontational text rather than genuine makes it seem to me like he knew he was doing something that would bother you it's all very unnecessary in my opinion you aren't the idiot i mean is he really there alone to be a fifth wheel for four days that isn't gonna be weird for him is he normally like this whoa whoa whoa everybody calm down there's literally no evidence of cheating here and opie didn't even mention it as a concern no need to cause a panic over what is literally nothing are all four friends gonna keep their mouths shut if he was cheating lol nobody would do something like that unless they wanted to get caught you are the idiot first of all why is his family the one doing the babysitting they're not even related to the kids so yeah it's nice that they help but it shouldn't be expected you should have other people to rely on for child care it's not fair for him to miss out on things because of you or your kids if you want someone to sacrifice than look elsewhere or leave this man be jeez seriously i think it's the height of rudeness that she's mad at her boyfriend for not asking his family to watch her children she's their mother she hasn't found any babysitters in all the years she has them she made zero effort to secure a babysitter either so clearly the trip wasn't a priority to her either why is it on him to secure babysitting for her children i 45 female have five kids including three daughters my daughters are kate 20 lauren nearly adult and maddie youngest so i have this beautiful prom dress it's red and honestly the best thing to come out of the early 90s i never got married i'm with their dad but we're not married so it is the most sentimental item of clothing i had and i pride myself on its pristine condition and it was a gift for my late mother i had it when i went to prom and kate wore it back when she had prom recently lauren has been talking about when she's gonna wear my dress and when she goes to prom next year lauren is a bigger girl always has been nothing bad about that but there is literally no way she's going to fit into that dress the dress fits a u.s size 4. lauren is a u.s 10. sorry us-14 edited as i got her size wrong last time i bought her clothes was a while back at first i tried to subtly take her away from the idea saying are you sure or you've never really worn red before you're more of a pink gal but she was dead set on it said she'd been dreaming about it ever since her sister had it then i was like sweetie that dress is too small for you she responded i thought about that we're gonna get it retailered so it fits me i refuse because that dress is one of my prized possessions and i don't want it torn apart i said no but offered to hire someone to make an exact replica in her size after all i was willing to spend more money as we didn't have to spend money on her sister's prom dress she refused and said she wanted the sentimental value of wearing the dress that her mom and sister wore i refused and she said i was being fat phobic and that i preferred my skinny witch daughters later one of my sons told me that he saw lauren taking the dress out of the special memory box we have in the attic i found her holding the dress about to put it on i said to stop trying she would ruin it i felt really bad for her she was crying about how unfair it was that kate got to have the dress and she didn't i gave her a hug and told her i'd make sure she got the dress of her dreams one that was truly hers but she said that was the dress of her dreams i took the dress around to my sisters for safe keeping as i know lauren would try to put it on again lauren has been badgering me non-stop about it for the last week even texting kate at college literally obsessed and refuses to back down i even got her therapist she has adhd to talk to her about it but to no avail i finally snapped when maddie came crying to me saying that lauren said that she had no personality because she was skinny and was going to have the whole world handed to her i was fuming as this had nothing to do with maddie and told lauren off saying if you are so obsessed about getting that dress you have to lose weight because i'm not going to tear up my dress for a bully like you she called me fat phobic and is refusing to get out of her room i feel bad but i literally offered all the options and she's so fixated on that dress to the point that she is hurting her little sister am i the idiot i'm probably gonna get downvoted but you are not the idiot the dress is equivalent to a wedding dress for you especially since you did not have a wedding if it was altered it's not your dress anymore emotionally that includes letting it out or taking it in kate was allowed to wear it because she could fit into it without alterations if it would have to have been taken in to fit then she wouldn't have been able to wear it either you offered to customize her own dress in the same style which is an acceptable replacement what makes lauren an idiot is bullying her younger sister over her weight and making her cry a heavier person bullying a skinny person over their weight is just as bad as a skinny person bullying a heavier person over theirs this you are not wrong i don't think you can size up a dress that high either i'm plus size and a lot of my mom's old clothes from her youth that she has kept or way too small not a big deal to me i'd rather get a dress that is inspired by my mother than damaged the original i am 26 male he's 26 male we've been together for three years we've been actively discussing future life plans we always wanted the same things in life and we agreed on most of the topics and decisions one of the things we discussed a year ago was ideas about how he wanted to propose he talked about a proposal in the mountains or in the forest something outdoors simple but romantic to us i was very happy and excited not to mention we live between mountains and forests so it was easily accessible we've been discussing this many times even dropping ideas of which mountain would be the most romantic we hiked together so we thought the very first mountain we've been to for example we also discussed who should propose when he told me he really wanted to be the one doing it yesterday after i came home from work exhausted we cooked watched tv and at some point i went to the hallway to hang a coat he followed me and he proposed between the shoes on the floor the kitchen and the restroom he was kneeling i couldn't believe it it was such a disappointment knowing what we had always talked about i felt let down had a lot of thoughts at once in my head here is my probable wrong move i was so hurt i couldn't say a word couldn't even accept it i looked at him looked around me as i couldn't believe where he proposed felt the tears in my eyes i nodded and walked past him to lay on the bed and cry he took some time before following me and asking if anything was wrong told him i expected something different but would marry him regardless my friends are mixed about it but a few of them did say i was being ungrateful and that it's the thought that counts he wants to marry me after all and maybe this is the only thing that counts am i the idiot [Music] not the idiot i don't get the whole proposal wow factor thing but he got your hopes up by basically telling you he was going to do it in a romantic way then made it seem like a complete afterthought [Music] come on it's someone asking you to spend the rest of your life with them cool that you don't think so but to most people proposing is a pretty big deal it seems pretty basic that it not be done in front of a shoe closet i'm a guy and i know op is gonna have to tell this lame proposal story like five times a day if it's truly the thought that counts i'd say this dude put basically zero thought into this proposal at all my 33 female son was born with a congenital heart defect he had a surgery during his first year that's where my suffering began my life literally changed my husband and i started working with his pediatric cardiologist to take care of him although we felt hopeless because his condition continued to get worse he had a low weight for his age and wasn't able to get enough nutrition my husband started getting depressed and slowly pulled away from our child's care i did everything took care of everything i had to home monitor my son 24 7 and took the lead in managing his medication procedures and therapy for two years my husband sat me down and told me it was best for us to get separated he said he couldn't cope with this new life and me being emotionally absent from him and having to care for our son all the time he said he couldn't live like that anymore he added to my suffering by having me attend court sessions while trying to take care of my sick son he just left me to take care of my son alone he just walked it was that simple for him i'm grateful my family stood by me during this difficult time i later found out that he got married again moved away and was living a normal life completely forgetting about his sick son but i made sure my son had everything he needed but after everything i've done it just wasn't enough he passed away he was taken from me in an instance all the joy he brought to my life is now replaced with heartache and loneliness and it's a horrible feeling i tried to call him after all he was my son's dad but he changed his number i couldn't find a way to get to him after the funeral i stayed for an additional two weeks with my family that's when my ex-husband rushed in and came at me for not telling him about his son's death he berated me and said that i was heartless and called me nasty names and was upset he had to hear the news from an outsider i tried to explain to him but my attempts were met with yelling and cursing i yelled back telling him that he abandoned his son while sick to go marry again and didn't visit nor called he defended himself saying my fault was way bigger and greater than his and that no good mother does this my dad sided with him and told me to be more understanding of his anger i don't want to talk anymore because i was in the middle of grieving my baby and he had to pull this in me and turn my dad against me pretending to care now that it's too late you were not wrong he abandoned you both you tried to contact him and couldn't because he cut contact while abandoning you both now he's actively trying to turn your family against you he is an awful awful man you are not wrong i wish i'd been there for you at that time because i would have obliterated your ex with words how dare he come at you when you did everything for your son a parent's duty is always to their child first no matter what it's child then partner when you are married with kids always your husband clearly was dealing with stuff too but he made the decision to prioritize his own happiness over the welfare of his child and partner and on top of that he made things even harder for you what an awful person and your dad's siding with him i didn't see that coming your dad who has helped you through all this time with your son is now favoring the guy that abandoned you you definitely need to talk with him about that later sure your ex is allowed to have feelings but he isn't allowed to put all his anger all over you whenever he gains it three months ago my fiance of then four months four years together invited a few ladies over for some drinks and chat i stayed in our bedroom gaming most of the time they were there i had my head set hooked up to my ps4 so i didn't have to hear the drunken screaming laughing eventually i needed to go to the bathroom our apartment only has one bathroom and it's near the living room they were obliterated like absolutely gone the air in our apartment would have registered on a breathalyzer when i was in the bathroom i was able to hear everything despite the sink being turned on i could overhear them talking about intimacy my fiance made a comment about how her ex was the best lover she'd had one of her friends asked about me and she said opie's better at literally everything else he's my soul mate and he's fine in bed but tyrone was a different beast i don't think i'm an insecure or jealous man but this cut me to my core i felt sick to my stomach i sat in the bathroom for another 15 minutes pretty much covering my ears when i got out she yelled that's my bottom witch right there i laughed awkwardly and retreated into our room i never thought that i was the best she'd ever had but i thought i was pretty close at least better than fine when she sobered the next day i told her what i heard and she begged for my forgiveness she said she didn't consciously rank us but i know that's probably not true i told her i tried to get past it and intimacy didn't happen for the next two months at this point i don't know what to do those words are in my head and she won't help me to learn to be better i feel like less of a man now can someone please tell me what i'm supposed to do i love her so much and i don't want this to keep affecting our relationship from a woman's perspective i would never say these things about my boyfriend to someone else even if it was truly how i felt it's never okay to put your significant other down in front of your friends and i think this should be the first part of the conversation you need to have with her put wedding planning on hold until you work past this because you don't want to begin your marriage with this cloud hanging over it after that suggest that you go to couples counseling to try to work through this to make sure you're both communicating effectively about it a lot of people are addressing the fact that you don't have to be the best to have a good relationship but the fact that she was telling her friends that there was no comparison would just hurt me to the core the way she described things made it sound like she wanted him but was with you as the safe bet personally i doubt i would continue the relationship after that my husband 33 and i 31 female are pregnant with our first child we did experience a loss previously but now i'm almost 12 weeks along with a healthy low risk pregnancy our family doctor explained for the later stages we have to choose between an obstetrician ob or a registered midwife to provide care and attend birth a midwife will attend birth at the hospital with an ob you get whoever's on call a midwife will also come to your home after birth a few times to check in and answer questions for example if you're having any issues with breastfeeding my husband feels opposed to involving a midwife he's a private person and doesn't want to share this intimate experience with a stranger he also wants to be the main person supporting me through it and he fears this person and i could end up having important conversations without him excluding him from decisions his father practices emergency medicine so his parents agree that an ob is better than a midwife i explained to him that a midwife can share advice with me that he cannot he thinks i can get this from our mothers over the phone they both live hours away i tried to assure him that having additional support would not exclude him or diminish his role and that we would make decisions together but he still isn't comfortable with it we have a solid long-term relationship and normally we're good at resolving our differences but in this case i'm left feeling like he's being unreasonable and i'm not getting much of a choice in the care i'll receive for this pregnancy would i be the idiot if i tell my husband that i'm choosing to involve a midwife anyways not the idiot you and your husband are not pregnant you are pregnant you have bodily autonomy and you get to decide who you want to look after you your husband needs to accept that pregnancy and childbirth is not about him you're not an incubator for his child you're a person with needs and wants i'm totally in favor of dads being involved all the way but decisions about your health are yours to make not the idiot but if you can find a way to do this without alienating your husband do it ask him to at least meet with you and a midwife now the midwife should be able to explain to your husband that they involve the dad as much as possible i was going to say the same thing and obie is a stranger too but they won't be coming to opie's house afterwards to me it looks like what opi's husband doesn't want to someone in their house tough luck though they both need to be thinking about what would be best for the baby and the mother [Music] you

Channel: ASK GURL

Views: 45,081

Rating: 4.8795986 out of 5

Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, reddit women, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit babysitter, reddit babysitting, reddit romantic trip, reddit vocation, reddit infidelity, reddit bio dad, reddit not the father

Id: _EouIAjq1FU

Length: 18min 50sec (1130 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 11 2021